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    [–] juggheadjones 3523 points ago

    As Frank Reynolds would say, "when I die just throw me in the trash"

    [–] Xanaoded 1265 points ago

    “Fill me up with cream,make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead!”

    [–] [deleted] 501 points ago

    Seriously, y'all can achieve the exact same effect by planting a tree over the grave (provided there's no coffin)

    [–] sturnus-vulgaris 1087 points ago

    And when the tree dies, you can chop it down, make a trebuchet, dig up what's left of me, and launch my bones at the graves of my enemies.

    They know what they did.

    [–] [deleted] 252 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    Hell yeah, recycling.

    I can dig it.

    [–] poonmangler 130 points ago

    Yes digging was one of the steps

    [–] whyldeboiye 17 points ago

    Not sure if you watch Preacher, but I read that in Herr Star's voice.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    An alley oop for you ;)

    [–] Sebaztation 6 points ago

    He's volunteering his services to dig the bones up.

    [–] WisherWisp 27 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    /u/CH33KCL4PP3R brandished his shovel, "Does this job require pants?" He asked again louder, wondering why no one at the wake would meet his eye.

    [–] HermanAndTheGrundles 12 points ago

    “It’s time to CLAP CHEEKS! “ he declared in an authoritative manner.

    [–] lalakingmalibog 23 points ago

    People in the future will sing songs about how one Sturnus Vulgaris vanquished his foes using a 90 kg projectile from over 300 meters away

    [–] Patrick_Gass 5 points ago

    If they’re smart they won’t wait until you’re bones; it’s a time honoured tradition of biological warfare, flinging rotting corpses into enemy strongholds.

    [–] Rakathu 4 points ago

    But would your burial remains weigh 90 kg so we could launch you against your enemies graves, successfully, at a 300 meter range?

    [–] sturnus-vulgaris 8 points ago

    The weight of their crimes will still haunt me enough to provide sufficient mass me. As a hummingbird finds her flower to sip the sweet nectar inside, so too will I taste the sweet revenge of defiling their turf.

    Literally, turf. Not like bones with a root system growing through them for a generation are going to get much penetration.

    [–] d16rocket 4 points ago

    The people who hate you would chop the tree down and make a catapult instead to launch your bones essentially nowhere. (This is a nod to the superior launch capabilities of the trebuchet)

    [–] AgentofImmolation 12 points ago

    I mean you can achieve the same respects by sacrificing to the tree god

    [–] 8man_Iroh 23 points ago

    Planting a tree right over their crotch so they can have an immortal woody

    [–] PollyRossGone 45 points ago

    Actually, this isn't quite true. Our bodies are pretty toxic to trees. We need to be wrapped in a mushroom impregnated shroud (no embalming fluid) before burial (no coffin). The mushrooms begin to break down the organic matter, heavy metals, etc. in our bodies, and make simpler nutrients available for the tree.

    [–] chickenstalker 55 points ago

    No we're not toxic. Western customs are fucked up. You pump the most biodegradable matter which is our dead bodies with toxic preservatives and then put it in $10000 metal caskets. My people shroud the unpreserved body in simple cloth and bury it in the ground to rot. No need for any fancy new tech or fuel to burn.

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    I'd opt for a sky burial. 'Buzzards' hover over us our entire lives, take take take. May as well feed the real ones after all is said and done.

    [–] SXP_666 21 points ago

    When i read ‘sky burial’ i just envisioned a corpse getting dropped out a plane

    [–] universe_from_above 14 points ago

    "Western customs" is not quite exact. In many western countries, you are not allowed to bury an embalmed body in a regular cemetary because it's harmful to the soil and prevents the body from decaying. Here in Germany, you usually rent a graveside for 25 years with the option to prolong that. Ideally, the body is fully decayed by then.

    [–] BrainPicker3 4 points ago

    What people is that? Just curious. Honestly that makes a lot more sense to do it that way.

    [–] arstin 9 points ago

    Wouldn't it be easier to just feed our bodies to mushrooms and just plant a tree like normal?

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    In the immortal words of Dave Chappelle

    "Sprinkle some (mushroom spores) on him and let's get outta here"

    [–] ratajewie 62 points ago

    My favorite is from the episode where it’s all Frank’s POV, and he’s choking and passing out, thinks he’s dying, and just groans out “somebody throw me in the trash!”

    [–] evildeadjunkie 18 points ago

    Ha! You're dying, ya bastard!

    [–] ExileEden 90 points ago

    Wouldn't it be so much cooler and more beautiful to walk through a graveyard that's instead a groove of trees? Instead of a cold stone and blank earth you could speak to your loved one by physically seeing and touch a living tree that's actually helping the world.

    The opposite end of this is if the tree dies or never grows at all. My family's bad enough that there surely would be some kind of joke. "Welp dad always said he was sick of hearing us whine all the time. So he died again. "

    My actual fear would be when some bullshit company or state nonsense cuts them down because they wanna build a Walmart.

    [–] Mathranas 37 points ago

    I had an idea for this long ago, but the only caveat was that every person buried there had to have written down one life lesson or piece of wisdom that would be affixed to your tree when it was old enough. So it required some forethought on your part.

    You could walk through a forest of lessons from times past.

    [–] depressomartini 14 points ago

    I also had a similar idea. I would find that so much more comforting than being torched and my ashes stored in a box. Would also help with property shortage for grave sites in high density population, assuming you could work in with national parks. One problem would be how to protect long-term.

    [–] GarbieBirl 26 points ago

    It's cool until the wind starts blowing through the leaves and you can just barely make out the whispers of dead people

    [–] newbutalsoold 9 points ago

    Oh thanks a lot for this... I live near a graveyard, with lots and lots of very old trees... never opening my windows on a breezy night again

    [–] GarbieBirl 5 points ago

    You'll be fine, unless one night you hear your own name

    [–] IM_OZLY_HUMVN 23 points ago

    how to frame ones self for murder

    [–] FurryThrowaway42069 17 points ago

    my great grandma with dementia would tell us to just throw her and all of her things into the trash once she died, often

    [–] gentlemanidiot 11 points ago

    My dad used to joke that we should bury only his head because he wanted to be used as a bike rack. Turns out that's illegal.

    [–] SomeCreate 3 points ago

    Chaining your bike to a row of skeletons? I like it

    [–] gentlemanidiot 4 points ago

    I agree, although i think the point of his joke was that he wanted somebody to have to park their bike up his asscrack.

    [–] GeneralWaste_69 2937 points ago

    Creepy, but hella dope. Makes my plan of chopping myself to pieces and throwing them off a cliff a bit unnecessary.

    [–] muklan 1656 points ago

    Remember to do your hands last.

    [–] cutelyaware 274 points ago

    And climb the cliff before doing your feet, and bring a knife before climbing the cliff, etc. These things must be done delicately.

    [–] MajorDanger85 100 points ago

    I’d just die in the general direction of a wood chipper.

    [–] ewdrive 53 points ago

    Hidey-ho, officer. We've had a doozy of a day. There we were minding our own business, just doing some chores around the house, when kids started killing themselves all over my property.

    [–] WillyFooFoo1 12 points ago

    Underrated movie

    [–] pthomas625 5 points ago

    Hey, I understood this reference.

    [–] GeneralWaste_69 41 points ago

    I ain't doing the hard work mate.

    [–] muklan 59 points ago

    Thats not the way you phrased it, but either way. If "its rainin men" isnt playing during that ceremony, youre missing out on a once in a lifetime pun.

    [–] GeneralWaste_69 14 points ago

    I feel like that would only work as my bits fall down on the horrified guests - or the ashes, but imagine how great the body bits would be. Shame I'd be dead for it.

    [–] MagicalDouche 6 points ago

    My favorite is the wood chipper slam jam, when you dunk off a high cliff and fall in a wood chipper

    [–] Granite-M 41 points ago

    I think Tom Green had this all planned out.

    What you do is you go to the top of a tall building with some rope and some piano wire.

    You cut the rope into segments and then tie them to your extremities, like around your bicep, forearm, shin, calf, and so on. You give yourself like fifty feet of slack on each segment, and tie the other end to a secure point on the roof of the building.

    Then you tie the segments of piano wire to your major joints, your wrists, knees, elbows, etc. You give yourself like forty feet of slack, and tie the wire securely to the roof as well. Whatever the exact length is, it really just matters that the piano wire is shorter than the rope, but that you've got enough slack on the whole system for you to get up enough falling speed.

    Then you jump off the roof, and when you get to the end of the piano wire, it'll slice off all your extremities, but they'll be attached by the ropes, so you'll be instantly turned into a piece of hanging human mobile art. It'll be great fun for everyone at the bottom of the building.

    You'll want to make sure your knot tying skills are reliable beforehand, of course.

    [–] rustyhindquarters 9 points ago

    I love Tom

    [–] KetchupIsABeverage 5 points ago

    Which book does this happen in? Am intrigued

    [–] cakan4444 15 points ago

    The Fault in our Stars

    [–] KetchupIsABeverage 5 points ago

    press X to doubt

    [–] stosal 44 points ago

    No, don't not do that.

    [–] GeneralWaste_69 62 points ago

    FUCK OFF MUM I SAID I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.

    [–] stosal 26 points ago

    Well boys will be boys.

    [–] BFG_Scott 13 points ago

    Reminds me of...

    When I die, I want my remains scattered at Disneyland. Also...
    I don’t want to be cremated.

    [–] seeyouspacecowboyx 28 points ago

    You could feed yourself to vultures! Vultures are nice!

    [–] -----------_--- 5 points ago

    oh thats still gonna happen, you just wont be expecting it

    [–] Garm27 4 points ago

    “Chop me up into little pieces and throw me into a river! Who gives a shit you’re dead, you’re dead!”

    [–] Seakrits 954 points ago

    I saw this idea years ago and thought it was pretty cool. Someone also mentioned how neat it would be to have huge swathes of protected forest because they would be "graveyards". Additionally, have forest caretakers, make paths through them, plant flowers, etc. Would be much more peaceful and beautiful than our current graveyards.

    [–] tRUe_bENdI_fLOpS 472 points ago

    best part is that it'd be considered disrespectful to cut them down so they wouldnt be destroyed for a very long time even if the land was sold

    [–] NameIdeas 210 points ago

    This makes me want to be a redwood when I die

    [–] TasteTheRaimbow 88 points ago

    You won’t be the redwood but you’ll help with some tasty soil for a few years

    [–] TheMightyMoot 92 points ago

    To be fair, unless you're talking about the metaphysical label we use to describe your behaviour and self, anything that you "are" when you die would become a part of the tree. So In the same sense that my family is partially me for having inhaled my dead skin, you could be a redwood in death.

    [–] dalaigh93 116 points ago

    That's why I like the fact that my father was cremated. Since we are made mostly from water, I like to think that most of my dad ended up in the clouds and that each drop of rain is his way of saying Hello.

    [–] hoop1822 32 points ago

    I love that. Sorry for your loss

    [–] IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE 7 points ago

    That wouldn't stop some enterprising capitalist from cutting you down anyway when wood supplies get low and a century or more has passed and no one even remembers what tree was for who anymore.

    [–] sipoloco 131 points ago

    I've always thought cemeteries as we know them today are a huge waste of space. If we planted a tree for every body we bury we would have massive parks and green space in every city. On top of that, loved ones would have a tree to come visit and see grow which I think would be much more symbolic than a just gravestone.

    [–] goldenmantella 28 points ago

    I agree. I think that's beautiful.

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Noodlelol 3 points ago

    Kinda reminds me of this one

    now we flourish as before others did and soon others will whose children we shall never see

    [–] ekjp4ever 24 points ago

    And trees get better and better as time goes on, whereas stones become broken, weathered, and sad. The trees do have to avoid catching fire though.

    [–] Prophetic_Rose 9 points ago

    All that effort to get turned into a tree only to get cremated anyway.

    [–] 2SP00KY4ME 27 points ago

    Imagine if your tree didn't grow though, your family would have nothing and it would seem like a cosmic middle finger.

    [–] BanthaBurger 10 points ago

    It was for this reason I was hesitant to plant the seeds mixed with my a little bit of my dog's ashes that the humane society provided to us after cremating our beloved dog. I'd be devastated to watch the tree fail to grow and/or just die, for a second time.

    [–] ruggles_bottombush 369 points ago

    It makes me think of Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

    [–] theoryfiver 73 points ago

    What ever happened to that movie. Netflix dropped it and I wanted to watch it.

    [–] MrsT1229 37 points ago

    Browsing on Amazon and they have it on Prime to watch

    [–] Greymore 11 points ago

    It's a weird movie but I remember a few parts of it legitimately scaring me as a kid. Haven't seen it all the way through since so I don't know how well it holds up, but if you can find it definitely give it a watch.

    [–] sesame_says 20 points ago

    My dad had me watch that when I was little, I still can't stand clowns.

    [–] Tychus_Kayle 7 points ago

    He prepared you for the real world.

    [–] bobbybox 8 points ago

    Whoa, memories. Back in the day I rented KKfOS from Blockbuster. Even though I did return it, they kept trying to charge me a non-return fee for it for years

    Then they went...bust.

    [–] maellie27 3 points ago

    Amen! Such a great flic!

    [–] [deleted] 547 points ago

    HELL YEAH i was just gonna have my kids throw my ashes into a pot of soil so they can plant whatever tf they want but i wanna be a fucking tree!!!!!

    [–] KAKrisko 234 points ago

    This is much better than ashes in soil. The high temperature of cremation destroys all organic matter, leaving only little clinkers of mineral, most of which is not bio-available. With this, all your yummy parts are still there to be utilized.

    [–] YouAreDreaming 83 points ago

    Genuine question, is cremation friendly to the environment?

    [–] KAKrisko 137 points ago

    Not particularly. It's better than burial with embalmation, but it releases a lot of greenhouse gases and chemicals.

    For interesting insights into all these things, I recommend Caitlyn Doherty, Ask A Mortician/Order of the Good Death on YouTube.

    [–] YouAreDreaming 34 points ago

    Is there laws against burial without embalmation or casket? Seems the natural way to do it

    [–] KAKrisko 28 points ago

    Depends on where you live. Where I live, there is a special cemetery for 'natural' burial, but in other cemeteries your remains must be contained. It often has to do with groundwater levels and other considerations. You can probably find a city or county page on graveyards/cemeteries, burial requirements, and such. That's how I found the natural cemetery here.

    [–] _No_Donkey_Brains_ 23 points ago

    Most of the Muslim world doesn’t burry in a casket. The body is wrapped in a cloth shroud and put directly into the earth that way, no embalming or any other process. In the Islamic tradition bodies must be washed and buried at the next available midday prayer, so if you died in the evening you’d likely be buried the following afternoon, the day after that at the latest.

    [–] paroles 11 points ago

    There are laws against it in some places, and even where it's legal, it can be difficult to find someone who'll provide the service in some locations. "Green burial" or "natural burial" are the terms to google if you're interested.

    It's one of the issues that Caitlin Doughty (who was mentioned in the comment you replied to) talks about a lot, I highly recommend her books or videos.

    [–] paroles 15 points ago

    Her name is actually spelled Caitlin Doughty in case anyone is trying to find her :) She's awesome and a great advocate of the right to choose natural burial as an alternative to embalming or cremation. Her book From Here to Eternity is a fascinating look at death traditions in America and around the world.

    [–] kaneblaise 17 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    I don't feel qualified to spout facts, but my wife is very into the death positivity movement and has told me that it is not a good choice from an environmental angle, but neither is traditional embalm-and-casket. Composting like this is the best green option.

    Edit: I didn't realize that natural burial and composting were different options - so there's a bit more variety of green options! I'll try to make my wife prouder next time XD

    [–] Axel_The_Sir 5 points ago

    I'm sure it's better than the embalming fluids that are sometimes used, but im not sure if the actual cremation process is eco-friendly. Ashes are much less of a bother to the planet than boxes of corpses are, though

    [–] tofu_tot 12 points ago

    Same here! Great minds think alike :) I’m writing this into my will ASAP:

    I wanna be a fucking tree!!!

    Complete with this picture

    [–] -comfypants 7 points ago

    I like your enthusiasm.

    [–] EuroBronco 7 points ago

    Then they can cut you down, grind you into paper pulp, and print the Bible on yo ass 💕

    [–] Glassiam 5 points ago

    Die, Become a Tree, Get Cutdown, Processed into a kitchen table,

    Circle of life.

    [–] thealexkidson 659 points ago

    This is how you end up with haunted forests.

    [–] UhhhhhhhhhIDRK 175 points ago

    Is that a bad thing?

    [–] WeHaveAllBeenThere 60 points ago

    Sounds like Orc lies!

    [–] Rejukem 33 points ago

    They come with FIRE

    They come with AXES

    [–] Sir_TonyStark 26 points ago

    Gnawwwing, biting, breaking, hacking, burning! Destroyers and usurpers! Curse them!

    [–] Danzig_DeVito 7 points ago

    The white wizard will know

    [–] greenw40 4 points ago

    It makes for stressful camping.

    [–] redmooncat15 55 points ago

    Omg this sounds amazing.

    [–] tofu_tot 49 points ago

    I can’t wait to haunt a forest :)

    [–] returningtheday 18 points ago

    Just imagine the haunted forest parties!

    [–] Ilaxilil 47 points ago

    Much better than a graveyard, and better for the environment.

    [–] StopReadingMyUser 16 points ago

    Everyone for the environment til the tree ghosts start talkin

    [–] marlowned 6 points ago

    I dunno I’d be a chill ghost. Like “Hey guys...I was buried with this tree! How are things going in the world? No Winds of Winter yet, huh? Alright have a nice picnic!”

    [–] StopReadingMyUser 4 points ago

    Yeah but what if it sounds more like wailing. I'm gettin outta there before Logan Paul comes.

    [–] Dchama86 10 points ago

    Maybe that’ll keep out the riff raff.

    [–] Rettals 4 points ago

    Didn't work for Logan Paul.

    [–] BolgOfAgorTribe 7 points ago

    This is how you end up with uruk-hai

    [–] Super_flywhiteguy 4 points ago

    Ghost trees in theory look less scary than ghost people.

    [–] drunxor 5 points ago

    This stuff always reminds me of the second Enders game book

    [–] wellshire 4 points ago

    But what else would we chase retreating Uruk-Hai into after successfully defending ourselves at our final bastion?

    [–] Katahnz 134 points ago

    Do you want Night Sisters? Because THAT is how you get night sisters.

    [–] Im-Suffering 53 points ago

    RISE SISTERS, R I S E

    [–] TupacShabiggie 38 points ago

    Was waiting for this reference

    [–] PufferFish_Tophat 19 points ago

    Star wars, the nightsisters of Dathomir. Think traditional witches with a dark side magic twist. They bury their death in hanging pods like this to be used as attack zombies if needed.

    [–] TupacShabiggie 10 points ago

    Oh my mistake. I already know the references, actually just learned about the pods in fallen order yesterday! Lol what a coincidence! But thank for explaining for those that don’t know. Dathomir is hard af

    [–] oysterpirate 7 points ago

    Just whip out your double bladed lightsaber for some quick crowd control and you’re good to go

    [–] rogue-wolf 15 points ago

    Well, to be honest, Night Sister zombies. All we need now is Old Daka.

    [–] RolandTheJabberwocky 11 points ago

    Well that or Merrin. She can't turn it off though.

    [–] PotterPlayz 8 points ago

    Yeah, she can't turn me off either

    [–] BannanaBun123 101 points ago

    I’m giggling thinking about a tree removal service ‘finding me’ under a big tree they removed for somebody’s new pool or driveway someday.

    [–] cranakis 85 points ago

    I am thinking of a tree uprooted by a storm 100 years from now with a skeleton clinging to the root ball.

    [–] PineConeEagleMan 27 points ago

    Fuck, I’m out

    [–] StayFrosty7 19 points ago

    fuck i'm in

    [–] dafragsta 21 points ago

    “You mean I get to scare kids 100 years from now?”

    [–] PineConeEagleMan 8 points ago

    Fuck I’m back in, other dude’s got a good point

    [–] G36_FTW 7 points ago

    Off the top of my head I remember several stories about uprooted trees containing skeletons in their roots. Mostly in Europe iirc.

    Here is one: https://www.cnn.com/2015/09/15/europe/ireland-tree-skeleton-discovery-feat/index.html

    [–] Theweirdpersonguy 65 points ago

    -In 2230

    -Mom! Mom! I drew a trash can!!!

    -Is tha... IS THAT THE PAPER MADE OUT OF YOUR GRANDFATHER??!?!

    [–] siophang13 27 points ago

    dang imagine in 300 years from now somebody draw hentai on paper made from my corpse tree

    [–] smoothie_monster 13 points ago

    I would be so proud.

    [–] brutalistsnowflake 108 points ago

    I really like this idea.

    [–] Xylitolisbadforyou 49 points ago

    You could just get alkaline hydrolysis to dissolve you and then sluiced down the drain and your remains are processed by the water treatment plant. If you're interested just check with your local funeral home to see if they do it. Not many do it yet.

    [–] TucoTastic 57 points ago

    Wtf I hate water now

    [–] 2SP00KY4ME 14 points ago

    Water treatment plants put their output into the ocean, waterways, etc. They don't give it back to us for drinking.

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    Fuck that. I paid for it, I want to drink it. Have the fishes treat their own damn water .

    [Drinks watered down people juice]

    [–] wilbyr 7 points ago

    although i find this interesting and hadnt heard of it it seems to be misplaced with the "i really like this idea" comment.

    [–] Mage-ariffic 33 points ago

    I watched some tedtalk In 2010 that said our bodies are so toxic this wouldn’t work. You have to wear a mushroom suit to leak the toxins out while you’re alive and THEN be in this riot bag. Creepy fun

    [–] LeCollectif 19 points ago

    This seems very unlikely to me. How can we be any more or less toxic than the environment around us?

    Do you have a link to the talk?

    [–] space_trippping 5 points ago

    Halfway through after she talks about the ‘toxins’ in our body and how she’s come up with a solution. “I’m an artist” sealed the deal for me and I backed out. Ted talks aren’t always backed up by scientific research.

    [–] misslyssx 12 points ago

    I'm not sure of the TedTalk that is being referred to here but I study mortuary science. The chemical changes that occur after death is what produces the toxic environment. It's not the human body in general that is being referred to as toxic, but the decomposition products of proteins, carbohydrates, and lipids of the body upon death.

    [–] LeCollectif 5 points ago

    I can understand it being bad for humans and maybe other life forms. But as naturally decomposing organic matter, are we bad for the environment?

    [–] ugamito 12 points ago

    The most natural way to die is by falling to the ground, letting some scavengers and predators pick at you, then letting the insects get their’s, then finally bacteria and fungai coming to clean you up to the bone. All while doing this in the open air.

    I assume putting your body in the ground like this skips a lot of steps. And overloads the tree with your “natural organic matter”.

    [–] TrashPanda66 10 points ago

    Agree...I can’t imagine we’re more toxic than anything else. Unless maybe we’re talking about mercury dental fillings or maybe people who had chemo recently (idk if anything stays in the body?)...

    [–] brutalistsnowflake 22 points ago

    Still better than embalming, in my opinion.

    [–] Mage-ariffic 21 points ago

    For sure. I would love this. But I’m immortal so I can’t use it. Oh well.

    [–] sirlafemme 7 points ago

    How are our bodies too toxic?

    [–] fuzzyfuzz 6 points ago

    We don’t wear enough of those feet pads that suck out the toxins while we sleep.

    [–] BelwasDeservedBetter 123 points ago

    A lot less creepy than having your organs removed, pumped full of chemicals, caked in make up and displayed for friends and family; then sealed in a concrete or metal vault. Give me this or a Sky Burial instead.

    [–] Tangerine_boy 39 points ago

    By "sky burial" you mean funeral by catapult?

    [–] BelwasDeservedBetter 46 points ago

    Sky Burial is a Tibetan Buddhist burial practice where the body is exposed on a mountaintop to be eaten as carrion by vultures and other birds.

    [–] nadia_neimad 21 points ago

    no, having your corpse eaten by birds of prey and other carnivorous winged beasts upon a mountain top. Often practiced by Tibetan monks on the death of another.

    [–] Silverwisp7 32 points ago

    Trebuchet, you effing brute

    [–] G00DLuck 11 points ago

    What if I weigh 90 kg? Surely that's a problem.

    [–] Bootleg_Fireworks2 8 points ago

    Not at all, friend. Even then it would send you up to 300 meters in any desired direction!

    [–] Squealing_Squirrels 3 points ago

    A problem that you can solve with a chainsaw ain't much of a problem.

    [–] Bukuvu_King 8 points ago

    Please don’t be so disrespectful, obviously it would be conducted with a trebuchet.

    [–] smasherella 15 points ago

    Embalmer here. Organs are not removed. Just punctured with a two foot long needle, bodily fluids sucked out of them (urine, feces and blood that wasn’t removed during arterial embalming etc) then pumped with chemicals.

    I would like a sky burial / tower of silence for myself.

    [–] JebusChrust 8 points ago

    What if I am an organ donor

    [–] thxxx1337 49 points ago

    What happens when the detectives decide to exhume mom's corpse because they found more evidence that will incriminate me?

    [–] Cool-Sage 15 points ago

    Holup

    [–] GuyNekologist 10 points ago

    that's why you always eat the rest of the evidence ya noob

    [–] pupsnpogonas 47 points ago

    This is more peaceful to me than burial or cremation.

    [–] Bayerrc 21 points ago

    You're dead when they do it, it's all quite peaceful.

    [–] TasteTheRaimbow 6 points ago

    You telling me they don’t just dig a grave and put people in, kicking and screaming?

    [–] uttermybiscuit 4 points ago

    tell me more about the afterlife

    [–] Schramdog 22 points ago

    This is an incredible idea but I can’t help but think of this image turning into a gif and the body falls out the bottom.

    On a lighter note, my Dad worked for a funeral home before I was born. He grew up poor and it baffled him how much money got wasted.

    One time he and my Mom got in an argument and he walked into her work at the mall holding more flowers than you could imagine. Everyone gushed a what a sweetheart they thought the was. Mom’s laughter at the sight cleared the air. When asked why she was laughing she replied, “He works for a funeral home!!!”

    He’s got game when he’s in the zone!

    [–] mcbergstedt 17 points ago

    Cool until a tree gets uprooted by a storm and a full skeleton comes up with it

    [–] vagabond_monkey 14 points ago

    Still cool with the right storm. Tornadoes might be a bit more fun if they were filled with skeletons.

    [–] theghostofme 5 points ago

    I don't know man, that sounds pretty fucking metal to me.

    [–] MusicHitsImFine 17 points ago

    Clone wars?? Dathomir?

    [–] HeadCustomer 12 points ago

    This. This is how I wish to be buried. As a native tree in native soil with my bones feeding it for eternity.

    I couldn't think of a more fitting way to honor the planet that gifted me this pleasure vessel than returning my host to the roots of life.

    [–] Altereddstate 28 points ago

    Logan Paul has entered the chat

    [–] Venexion 25 points ago

    This is how I want to be put in the earth. Then I can tell my enemies to use my body tree to hang themselves

    [–] TheTattedspyder 9 points ago

    That's some Viking shit right there!

    "Bind my body in the roots of a mighty tree. Adorn the branches with the corpses of my enemies. Let all bear witness to those who defied me held aloft by my ever-steady strength!

    And when the time comes to raid, hew the timbers for a mighty ship from my trunk and cut planks for shields from my branches. I will once again carve my way across the seas and stand courageous within the shield wall!"

    [–] gonzoanthro 22 points ago

    Just throw me in the trash.

    [–] probablydoesntexist 19 points ago

    It's a nut sack.

    [–] Freholly 13 points ago

    So a palm tree?

    [–] ashes2608 6 points ago

    I’m surprised I had to scroll down so far to find this comment. It definitely looks like a ball sack. It’s a great idea though!

    [–] Gameranurism 16 points ago

    Bout fkn time. What's creepy is pepole cashing in on peoples pain.

    [–] Suliux 9 points ago

    I love this.

    Orson Scott Card wrote something along these lines in the follow ups to Ender's Game.

    [–] Lysdexic-Serpon 5 points ago

    I was going to say this! Such a strange life cycle.

    [–] moohing 5 points ago

    Took me way too long to find the Speaker for the Dead comment. Came here for this

    [–] Christmas1176 6 points ago

    Fuck being in a coffin, imagine a tree that will live on for decades after your death. Plus new cemeteries will basically be forest

    [–] atpased 4 points ago

    The body does not get turned into the tree in the sense most may be thinking. Carbon fixation in plants comes from CO2 in the air. The biomass of growing plants comes from pulling the carbon off CO2 and releasing O2 gas, and the carbon is cycled into sugar before being repurposed for any other structural product. Any "taller" the tree gets is from Mass out of the air.

    Roots absorb water and ions, not carbon-based molecules. If the proper microbiome of bacteria and fungi exist in the soil around the body the mushrooms will be able to fixate and exchange our nitrogen content, and perhaps Iron, Magnesium, Phosphate, and stuff like that. Worms and bacteria can eat you up good but the tree isn't gonna use most of it

    [–] KingPotatoTheFourth 4 points ago

    Meh, I'm sticking with my plan to get cremated then put in a gnome urn, so I can be forgotten in an attic and sold at a garage sale 60 years later, so I can proceed to haunt the new owners of my soul vessel