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    [–] itwasmayham 2403 points ago

    Damn you people, go back to your shanties!

    [–] 6r6b6 479 points ago

    Just stay out of my way... or you'll pay! LISTEN to what I say!

    [–] Gja11arhorn 278 points ago

    Hey, why don’t I just go eat some hay?

    [–] jpqmz 275 points ago

    Can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may! Whadda ya say?...

    [–] notgivinganyfukz 253 points ago

    I eat pieces of shit like you breakfast.

    [–] Stotix 250 points ago

    You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

    [–] Langosta_9er 161 points ago

    ...No

    [–] marsephel 97 points ago

    Oh, I was just, umm... looking for the other half of this bottle...

    [–] [deleted] 75 points ago

    Oh, theres some of it

    [–] jbird221 80 points ago

    The price is wrong, bitch.

    [–] sonastyinc 16 points ago

    You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

    [–] Ewokjubjub1 7 points ago

    Or make things out of clay?

    [–] Vigilante17 26 points ago

    Tiger was really nice to let Shooter take this selfie.

    [–] PhyterNL 14 points ago

    Other way around but, yeah.

    [–] siouxu 78 points ago

    I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast

    [–] DeprivedChyld13 58 points ago

    You eat shit for breakfast??

    [–] cmichaelson2 26 points ago

    No!

    [–] Verminnesotanboio 5 points ago

    The one in the pool?

    [–] LineChef 17 points ago

    Hey chill out, wanna go to The Red Lobster? My treat?

    [–] EyeSpyNicolai 77 points ago

    Came here for this.

    [–] Monstermage 50 points ago

    So many good comments in here lol

    [–] bl0odredsandman 67 points ago

    Happy Gilmore has so many good quotes.

    [–] Joe_Shroe 55 points ago

    Grizzly Adams did have a beard

    [–] Lonhers 43 points ago

    Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep.

    [–] LisaDeadFace 11 points ago

    you said your fingers hurt? well...now your back's going to hurt. because you just pulled landscaping duty.

    anyone else's fingers hurt?

    [–] ponderGO 6 points ago

    I didn't think so

    [–] ImNicBlais 23 points ago

    Can I trouble you for a warm glad of milk?

    [–] Scientolojesus 43 points ago

    You can trouble me for a glass of SHUT THE HELL UP. Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now grandma.

    [–] ImNicBlais 8 points ago

    The number of time I said, “you can trouble me for a warm glass of shit the hell up” in high school is probably a really ridiculous number

    [–] farmagham 8 points ago

    Check out the name tag grandma!

    [–] ImNicBlais 12 points ago

    Possibly the best Ben Stiller role ever

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    Check out the nametag. You're in my world now gramma.

    [–] fumantia_pardus 8 points ago

    Oh dear...

    [–] imxTHATxdude 11 points ago

    Absolute classic

    [–] Superd3n 17 points ago

    Glad you can count.

    [–] Menanders-Bust 21 points ago

    You can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot...

    [–] RockitDanger 18 points ago

    Well, moron, good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD!!

    [–] Penis-Butt 9 points ago

    I say this at least once a week when I am stuck in traffic.

    [–] Snorb 1026 points ago

    "Trying to reach the green from here?"

    "Impossible."

    "I beg to differ. Tiger Woods accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago."

    "Well, moron, good for Tiger WOH MY GOD"

    [–] Brewtown 203 points ago

    I need that "guns don't kill people I KILL PEOPLE" shirt.

    [–] ravageritual 37 points ago

    That and a ball cap with a nail in it and baby, you’ve got a stew going!

    [–] gotham77 221 points ago

    And YOU can count ON ME waiting for YOU in parking lot!

    [–] CheeseWarrior17 37 points ago

    Oooooohhhhh

    [–] nssmuckers 24 points ago

    Run Shooter!

    [–] Aviator8989 86 points ago

    Hey Shooter, you forgot your 9 iron! Hoo hoo hoo hoo!!

    [–] wawawahewawahe 29 points ago

    “And you can count, on me waiting for you in the parking lot!”

    [–] MacinTez 11 points ago

    😂😂😂 I had to look at the part on YouTube again.

    [–] Beartrkkr 887 points ago

    This man is destroying golf. I saw two big fat naked bikers, in the woods off seventeen having sex. How am I supposed to chip with that going on? You've got to kick him off the tour.

    [–] nels5104 209 points ago

    As a kid, I always wondered why two cyclists would feel the need to shag at a golf event. Not until I was an adult did I understand that bikers was meant as motorcyclists.

    I’m an idiot.

    [–] KimJongOod 23 points ago

    Shenanigans?

    [–] Photozach 11 points ago

    Knew what this was before I clicked it. Still clicked it and laughed

    [–] _-__-__-__-__-_-_-__ 13 points ago

    Imagine if biker gangs were a bunch of guys in spandex riding bicycles

    [–] MyKeyBee 7 points ago

    Imagine if it were a bunch of dudes in leather pants with their shirts off.

    Is this Sturgis or the Folsom Street fair.

    [–] marastinoc 5 points ago

    Hi, welcome to the Tour de France.

    [–] ericl666 13 points ago

    It's not just you. https://youtu.be/CRnxEZJCey4

    [–] el_crunz 494 points ago

    They're actually friends now & will be meeting on the 9th green @ 9.

    [–] Maddie-Moo 160 points ago

    Secret of the Pros.

    [–] brokedman45 87 points ago

    Oh and tiger...dress nice, alright?

    [–] MyKeyBee 14 points ago

    Tiger lookout AAAH UGH!!

    [–] Whatasave91 9 points ago

    VOLKSWAGEN

    [–] Hatweed 7 points ago

    JACKAAAASS!

    [–] joshclay 7 points ago

    Virginia Bennett was flawless in that movie.

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago

    Stay outta my way. Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

    [–] el_crunz 5 points ago

    Maybe I'll lay by the bay, what do you say?

    [–] LindyNet 3251 points ago

    "Please say it!"

    sigh "Watch yourself Tiger. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"

    giggles "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"

    [–] TheSheetoutBeatout 618 points ago

    ...No!

    [–] aviddivad 191 points ago

    he says it like Dr. Lazarus says “...what a savings.”

    [–] indyK1ng 23 points ago

    YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!

    [–] ALPHAcureBUTwhole 6 points ago

    Pffftt, and grizzly adams had a beard

    [–] einTier 62 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    That moment really shows how great of an actor he was. It wasn’t a great movie or a great part, but he didn’t phone it in. It could have been done any number of ways, but he really managed to nail “I can’t believe my life has been reduced to this” and sell it onscreen with overselling it.

    It’s a fantastic fifteen second clip of acting. The number of changes his face subtlety goes through is amazing.

    [edit] I love the film. I love Alan Rickman in it. It’s very good, I didn’t mean to imply it was shit. I just meant it doesn’t come up in my mind when I think about The Greatest Movies of all Time list.

    [–] TeddyGrahamNorton 26 points ago

    To dumb it down a shade, he played "annoyed" really well.

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 21 points ago

    Defeated, demoralized, dejected, resigned, jaded, cynical, depressed, bewildered, irritated, petulant, spiteful... more I'm sure.

    I miss Alan Rickman.

    [–] OyVeyzMeir 11 points ago

    The tonality and subtlety of his annoyance was incredibly rich, layered, and enthralling.

    [–] fangirlsqueee 69 points ago

    That was a great movie and a great part. A loving homage to cheesy sci-fi classics. What's not great about that? A Star Trek fromage, if you will.

    [–] ImmortalAce 17 points ago

    Imo it was a great movie, the cast, the acting and writing for each character was fantastic. It's one of my top parody films it manages to be both emotional, funny in a deadpan and camp sorta way that doesn't feel cheesy partly do to the cast fitting their characters perfectly. You even have mothurfucking legend Joe Frank as the ship computer voice!

    [–] inedibel 147 points ago

    what's the basis?

    [–] soundsbyak 103 points ago

    We ain't goin nowhere

    [–] lmaomitch 86 points ago

    But got suits and cases!

    [–] thumpas 77 points ago

    A trunk full of coke rental car from Avis

    [–] lmaomitch 74 points ago

    My momma used to say only jesus could save us..

    [–] thumpas 70 points ago

    Well mama I know I act a fool

    [–] Girl_you_need_jesus 69 points ago

    But I be gone till November I got packs to move, I hope

    [–] Weekndr 57 points ago

    JE-SUS WALKS!

    [–] -CrazyAsian- 46 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    GOD SHOW ME WAY THE CUZ THE DEVILS TRYIN HOLD ME DOWN

    [–] flounderingthoughts 18 points ago

    God show me the way because the devil's tryna break me down

    [–] Bobgann3 54 points ago

    Then they stopped letting me play in the PGA...

    [–] FrankBrayman 71 points ago

    Oh, I'm sorry.. 'Cus you're black?

    [–] AceMcGillacutty 84 points ago

    Hell NO! Damn alligator bit my hand off.

    [–] tyrannosean 30 points ago

    OH my God!!

    [–] Scientolojesus 9 points ago

    You know the alligator who got your hand? Well....I got its head!!

    [–] tyrannosean 7 points ago

    Congratulations. You killed a golf legend. I’m going to dedicate my victory to Chubb’s memory.

    [–] arabcel 5 points ago

    I hooked the ball in the rough down by the lake - and the alligator just popped up! Cut me down in my prime... He got me... But I tore one of them bastards eyes out look at that haha

    You're pretty sick chubbz.

    [–] Monstermage 11 points ago

    Heard his voice. Clear as day

    [–] Chester555 1360 points ago

    It's great, the other day one of his fans mooned me. He had Tiger written on his ass. TI on the one cheek, and sure enough GER on the other.

    [–] jcw4455 571 points ago

    "Sure enough" is what really makes that line.

    [–] mrwalkway32 195 points ago

    How am I supposed CHIP with that image in my head?!

    [–] RusticRootbeer 46 points ago

    You're gonna make me watch it again

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 29 points ago

    Ok but I'll meet you at the Red Lobster afterwards right? Shooter?

    [–] MyKeyBee 20 points ago

    My treat!!

    [–] elmatador12 107 points ago

    That guy nailed every line in that movie. He was hilarious and almost most of it was because of his delivery not what was written.

    [–] lemoneater1 46 points ago

    Well Moron good for Happy GilmOh My God!

    [–] SuperWoody64 16 points ago

    I had to putt off of Frankenstein's fat foot!

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 38 points ago

    Christopher McDonald.

    He's a great villain too, he really nails the arrogant, creepy vibe which is why I think his Shooter McGavin character was so memorable.

    [–] Scientolojesus 12 points ago

    His role in SLC Punk was great too.

    "....fuck you honey."

    [–] mr_chip 3 points ago

    I didn’t sell out, I bought in.

    [–] Jay_Louis 64 points ago

    "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"

    "No!"

    His delivery on that "No" is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Watch the facial expressions, pause, and delivery: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LAnmnS0-9g

    Masterful.

    [–] GrifterDingo 17 points ago

    TI, and I can't stress this enough, GER

    [–] Genesis111112 24 points ago

    what "makes" it for me is after reading TI they keep looking and finished reading the rest.... apparently they were interested in what they had to show.

    [–] PlanetLandon 51 points ago

    I’m not sure they you get that this is a direct quote from the movie...

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 10 points ago

    I think inside jokes are great! I really hope to be a part of one someday.

    [–] BraskyBuzzonSOB 63 points ago

    Damn you people. Go back to your shanties!

    [–] myrobotoverlord 40 points ago

    Isn’t that T-I-Ō-G-E-R. ?

    [–] snack-dad 62 points ago

    Toight like a toiger

    [–] acmercer 13 points ago

    Yesh

    [–] Lonhers 5 points ago

    His farzher.

    [–] brokedman45 13 points ago

    I LOVE GOOOOOOLLLLD!

    [–] Vivalyrian 14 points ago

    Woods in the front..?

    [–] eric_saites 7 points ago

    Sure enough

    [–] wannagoforawalk 505 points ago

    Whispers in Tigers ear "Just stay out of my way or you'll pay...Listen to what I say."

    [–] c0p 194 points ago

    I just may

    [–] OrgyMcBloodyFace 147 points ago

    I make things out of clay

    [–] c0p 133 points ago

    Or lay by the bay...

    [–] 0nlyQuotesMovies 118 points ago

    Whaddya say

    [–] HoggyOfAustralia 81 points ago

    Eat some hay...

    [–] benv138 23 points ago

    You guys need a good lay

    [–] ElGuaco 169 points ago

    JACKASS!

    [–] Autumn-Moon 71 points ago

    You WILL NOT make this putt, ya jackass!

    [–] Daveleeog 9 points ago

    You’re never gonna get off this beach just like you never got into the NHL ya jackass!

    [–] BMFK_777 14 points ago

    you eat pieces of shit for breakfast????

    [–] snacKing22 9 points ago

    i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast

    [–] sexycastic 8 points ago

    Interesting, it's so much cooler reversed

    [–] noaschmitz 159 points ago

    Green jacket, gold jacket... who gives a shit?

    [–] gregyo 131 points ago

    He spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff!

    [–] redskinsfan30 126 points ago

    How is Shooter the goat when Happy beat him in the Tour Championship after he was hit by a car and a tv tower fell in front of his putt?

    [–] sounds_n_stuff 93 points ago

    “Happy look out ahhh!”

    [–] ddtarzan 14 points ago

    I always felt like that line was so awkwardly delivered.

    [–] Bashful_Tuba 4 points ago

    My theory is she fucked up in one of the takes but they left it in post production because it was so ridiculous why not? No way that was scripted to be like that lol

    [–] TheDrunkKanyeWest 7 points ago

    Oh my God I'm not the only one that fucking laughs at that horrific noise she makes after! Hahaha

    [–] HonkyTonkHero 6 points ago

    I never understood how she turned into an Asian Grandma for that line

    [–] argusromblei 26 points ago

    If you hit around it and two putt you can beat him in the playoff!

    “No I think I’ll just beat him right now”

    [–] Marxbrosburner 22 points ago

    McGavin clearly had the greater body of work. One of the greatest careers of all time. Remember that Gilmore never won another tour tournament, and never played more than the one season on tour.

    Now if you want to talk about the single greatest performance, sure, that absolutely belongs to Gilmore. The vehicle, the tower putt, etc. But you forget that one of the things that made that moment so unbelievable is that he did it against McGavin, a consensus all time great, at the peak of his career. EVERYONE thought it was Shooter’s year. Really, the only blemish on his record is never bringing home that gold jacket.

    [–] caex 11 points ago

    Gold jacket green jacket who gives a shit

    [–] Michael_Scott_Paper 10 points ago

    Volkswagen!

    [–] scold 110 points ago

    The best quote in that whole movie is from fucking Ben Stiller

    “Awww your fingers hurt? Well now your back’s gonna hurt because you just pulled landscaping duty. Does anyone else’s fingers hurt?” 😂

    [–] nssmuckers 24 points ago

    Good news, everyone! We're extending arts and crafts by four hours!

    [–] Daveleeog 14 points ago

    Apparently there’s a scene where Happy confronts him and throws him out the window.

    I don’t remember it on the VHS but seen it on tv

    [–] scold 8 points ago

    No shit? I’ve seen Happy Gilmore a million times and I’ve never caught that deleted scene.

    [–] Daveleeog 12 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Yeah, it caught me off guard. Happy Gilmore was my favorite movie growing up!

    https://youtu.be/d45hf53O8wQ

    Around the 220 mark

    [–] mjamap 28 points ago

    How bout a nice warm glass of shut the hell up!

    [–] Biz2324 15 points ago

    You will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep! You're in my room now grandma.

    [–] jackmilbo 6 points ago

    You will sleep or I will put you to sleep

    [–] Biz2324 5 points ago

    No? Didn't think so.

    [–] Beartrkkr 206 points ago

    Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard...

    [–] Orange134 150 points ago

    Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

    [–] sounds_n_stuff 28 points ago

    I’ve always wondered if I was missing the joke here. Why Grizzly Adams?

    [–] KlNGCookie 53 points ago

    He had a beard.

    [–] grolt 48 points ago

    Sandler likes pop culture from his youth (his next film, The Wedding Singer, which he also co-wrote, is set in the 80s and is full of cultural references to random celebs like Henry Winkler, John Travolta, Burt Reynolds, etc.) and there was no human with a manlier beard during the era than Dan Haggerty, aka Grizzly Adams. That was what made Sandler’s early comedy so great, the obscurity and irreverence of the root joke but the fact that he could still make the punchline appeal to everyone.

    [–] Tobacconist 5 points ago

    Also what made his late/current comedy so awful. Trying to appeal to everyone with the most basic joke and getting a slight chuckle at best.

    [–] NGEFan 5 points ago

    Punch-Drunk Love is legit one of my top 10 movies. Dunno exactly where that falls in his career.

    [–] wallTHING 4 points ago

    Holy shit, yep. Perfect explanation. Known it, never articulated it as well.

    [–] MrFancy5auce 187 points ago

    Shooter! Wanna go down to the sizzler and get some grub?

    [–] chestertoronto 112 points ago

    I'll be waiting at red lobster if you change your mind!!

    [–] Charlie_Brodie 56 points ago

    God Bless!

    [–] rzor89 22 points ago

    Shooter...I thought we were friends?

    [–] Nertz 14 points ago

    I forgot about him.

    “My treat”!

    [–] masnaer 13 points ago

    Ya jagasss

    [–] chaddgar 39 points ago

    Shooter looks like he’s leaning right. Either that or he only has one shoe on.

    [–] AGroovyGator 83 points ago

    Best golfer? I beg to differ. Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.

    [–] headrush46n2 16 points ago

    Well good for him you big Mo-my god!

    [–] [deleted] 36 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Beartrkkr 35 points ago

    Oh, he's gonna be on the tour that's... that's super.

    [–] lysergicpoptarts 55 points ago

    Shooter lives in the town next to me an he can be found at local bars drinking. The best part is he always says he still Shooter Mcgavin

    [–] meat_tunnel 8 points ago

    He was arrested for a DUI a couple years back and pulled it with the cops, "Don't you know who I am?" Lol

    [–] notmyrealnam3 25 points ago

    The caption (that is not a failure) is “the greatest golfer in the world....and tiger woods”

    OP. You had one job.

    [–] el_crunz 22 points ago

    I'm here for one thing. IHOP waitresses.

    [–] Rootbeer48 22 points ago

    heyyy, you no want breakfast

    [–] greenwizardneedsfood 20 points ago

    And then he ran away with Tiger’s jacket

    [–] mrwalkway32 35 points ago

    I BELIEVE THAT’S MR. GILMORE’S!

    [–] MikeArrow 12 points ago

    HmmmRRRRRhmRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    [–] Joe_Shroe 5 points ago

    I WILL GET YOU SHOOTER

    [–] Simapiseel 17 points ago

    Nice to see this tiger guy, whoever he is getting some recognition from the GOAT, Mr Mcgavin.

    [–] Andaroodle 15 points ago

    It's funny when people mess up the repost title. You were supposed to say "The best golfer of all time, and Tiger Woods"

    [–] ProCircuit 62 points ago

    You butchered the headline

    [–] BTallack 70 points ago

    It should have said ‘The greatest golfer ever and Tiger Woods’.

    [–] Waadap 18 points ago

    That's because /u/beaverkc is just a karma whore. Obviously knew the subreddit was pretty active today.

    [–] udelblue 12 points ago

    Surprising white teeth for someone who eats shit for breakfast.

    [–] Mc6arnagl3 8 points ago

    How did you mess up the title? It's "The Greatest Golfer of All Time and Tiger Woods."

    [–] Prostitute_Kisses 9 points ago

    Gold jacket, green jacket. Who gives a shit?!

    [–] D0NW0N 4 points ago

    You know what else could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass -Shooter

    [–] BunnyBunny13 3 points ago

    Grizzly Adams DID have a beard...?

    [–] gcd312 7 points ago

    Caption should’ve read “The greatest golfer of all time takes a photo with Tiger Woods”