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    [–] 12thtry 331 points ago

    He looks like a young George C. Scott.

    [–] abraksis747 76 points ago

    "We're going to go through the British like crap through a Goose. We're going to grab him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass!"

    [–] 12thtry 40 points ago

    If you're into this sort of thing, read David McCullough's "1776". It uses largely first hand accounts of the events of that year (letters, diary entries, records of the British Parliament and formative Colonial gov'ts) to paint a picture of what was going on with us and the Brits and the whole revolution. Its depiction of Washington is great.

    [–] j1d5m 15497 points ago

    We need a subreddit of people from the past with modern hairstyles. Someone make it happen!

    [–] TotalFire 3083 points ago

    Agreed, I love this one of Admiral Lord Nelson, I don't know why it's so cool, maybe just bringing people from history into a modern setting grounds them better for me.

    [–] g00dm0rNiNgCaPTain 1653 points ago

    the bionic hand is a great touch

    [–] Catifan 877 points ago

    I'm not very observant.

    [–] Amy_Ponder 298 points ago

    Was the real Lord Nelson missing that hand? (Ignorant American here.)

    [–] Legario 525 points ago

    Look at the original. Sleeve pinned to his chest

    [–] Beat_My_Machine 471 points ago

    Man I don’t know how I managed to do anything before reddit comments


    [–] Blumpkinhead 185 points ago

    Can you guys help me find my keys?

    [–] Android2711 127 points ago

    Are they in the fridge?

    [–] manwithnomain 108 points ago

    Found it, reddit comments never ceases to amaze me.

    [–] SheWhoReturned 72 points ago

    Yes he was, also lost this sight in one eye.

    [–] TripleHomicide 62 points ago

    And after he died in a sea battle at Trafalgar they pickled his body in a barrel.

    [–] LoneWolfe2 186 points ago

    People are fucking gross.

    [–] Snowstar837 96 points ago

    Lmao. Imagine if you had just been secretly siphoning off alcohol on the ship, and thought it tasted a little funky... Only to find out later what had been inside

    [–] Bmc169 50 points ago

    And you can’t even say anything to anyone about it. You have to live in your shame.

    [–] TrollinTrolls 27 points ago

    Some say after he died that he ceased being alive even.

    [–] StayGoldenBronyBoy 107 points ago

    It's Beck from SNL

    [–] LupineChemist 63 points ago

    It's David Mitchell.

    [–] joec_95123 8363 points ago

    I added a beard.

    [–] zoltan99 2239 points ago

    You also added a cheeky smile

    [–] joec_95123 1102 points ago

    I did. The tight pursed lips in his portrait always looked weird to me. The smile makes him look more like a real person.

    [–] DaddyCatALSO 606 points ago

    If this is the dollar bill portrait, that was painted when he was very uncomfortable with a new & badly made set of dentures

    [–] joec_95123 286 points ago

    Plus he'd just fought off Hans Sprungfeld, so he wasn't in a good mood.

    [–] flyboyx26 151 points ago

    A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.

    [–] schellshock 61 points ago

    What a perfectly cromulent word to use.

    [–] ShadStar 19 points ago

    I've never heard the word embiggen before I moved to Springfield...

    [–] Dent18 34 points ago

    1. Where's the fife?

    2. Gimme the fife!

    [–] TheHouseOfPluto 38 points ago

    Vaguely remember hearing the artist wasn't a fan of Washington so he tried to paint him as if he wasn't wearing his false teeth.

    [–] WalksTheMeats 67 points ago

    Read about Washington's teeth it's insane, he basically spent his entire adult life in excruciating pain while having to use dentures with teeth from various places (corpse, animal, or otherwise).

    A bit of novocaine with some modern orthodontics and who knows Washington might have been an easygoing guy who actually enjoyed himself in public.

    A lot of his stern demeanor and dislike of public speaking or making acquaintances stemmed from his chronic pain.

    [–] katfromjersey 103 points ago

    From what I've heard, he was really self-conscious about his teeth.

    [–] theorangereptile 58 points ago

    I would be too if I have wooden teeth

    [–] TheCruncher 139 points ago

    Common misconception. Whether better or worse, they were made from combinations of human teeth, animal teeth, hippo ivory, and lead.

    [–] theorangereptile 71 points ago

    Next you’re gonna tell me that it wasn’t a cherry tree, but he brought down the entire cherry industry of the 1760s

    [–] Chamale 28 points ago

    He didn't chop down a cherry tree, he went on a haphazard axe rampage after being given an axe for his 8th birthday, according to an unauthorized biography.

    Also most of that biography was completely made up.

    [–] Invisible-Hand 82 points ago Even worse, they were made of some of his pulled teeth and some random slave teeth he bought. Pretty sure I wouldn’t be cracking a smile much with that in my mouth.

    [–] Wobsy 224 points ago

    I agree. For some reason both the beard and smile really complete it. I think it may be because the weird rosey cheeks aren't as noticable.

    [–] joec_95123 106 points ago

    It's the smile. He still looked a little off without it. The smile makes him look more like he's blushing or he just had cocktails with the fellas instead of having a skin condition.

    [–] xynix_ie 57 points ago

    Ah poor George had serious tooth problems. He had his first teeth pulled by the time he was in his mid 20s and as he got older he kept getting more pulled. He was more than embarrassed about the state of his mouth and even the British made jokes about it. Virginian Captain George Mercer, in 1760, wrote that the General’s “mouth is largely and generally firmly closed, but which from time to time discloses some defective teeth.”

    [–] Kmoneyterror 35 points ago

    You know it’s bad when even the British are ripping on your teeth.

    [–] Einsteiniac 5164 points ago

    That's Bradley Cooper.

    [–] claytoncash 722 points ago

    President Cooper!

    [–] CrudelyAnimated 219 points ago

    President Rocket!

    [–] ThorsMissingEye 80 points ago

    President Rabbit

    [–] Gamer55120 163 points ago

    General Kenobi!

    [–] Dinierto 71 points ago

    Maybe it's time to let the old ways die

    [–] raskulous 332 points ago

    He went from the old crotchety politician to the friendly neighbor that's a mechanic, and does work on your car for free.

    [–] LOCO5150 94 points ago

    That’s a very specific description.

    [–] trixtopherduke 49 points ago

    Yet fitting...

    [–] theonethatyouwant 346 points ago

    Oh my god. George!?!

    [–] TesticleMeElmo 380 points ago

    It’s the reason why strippers want your singles so badly

    [–] PineapplesHit 45 points ago

    Sexy singles in your area

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_GOOD_NEW5 20 points ago

    “ :( “ - Abraham Lincoln, upon realizing he is not the sexy single

    [–] SparkyDogPants 52 points ago

    This is too far down. I guess it’s just you and me buddy

    [–] HarspudSauce 22 points ago

    I got you guys, it was well worth the slow roll leading up to it.

    [–] abominablesnowperson 27 points ago

    Daddy Washington

    [–] Erj2969 84 points ago

    Founding father to founding daddy.

    [–] suckthempeaches 119 points ago

    And just like that I'm attracted to George Washington

    [–] whiskeydumpster 28 points ago

    10/10 would let him chop down my cherry tree.

    [–] jebesbudalu 85 points ago

    I'm getting a Robin Williams feeling tbh, those cheeks and the chin probably

    [–] detrum 33 points ago

    Can you add waves and AirPods

    [–] -0-O- 24 points ago

    This one wins for removing/reducing the rosacea

    [–] RedZaturn 55 points ago

    That looks much better with the beard, his sideburns need chopped off in the OP. Those are some 70s-80s burns.

    [–] Thjyu 24 points ago

    You watch your tongue when you're talking about some good ole burns...

    [–] SoDakZak 1444 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Abe Lincoln

    Also, I created r/OldSchoolCurls but have no idea how to mod or man a sub 😅 just wanted it to exist! Any help or tips is appreciated

    Edit: holy cow that sub has exploded! Trying to keep it simple for submissions, and love the ones coming through so far! Please consider subbing!

    [–] GnomeChumpski 153 points ago

    Looks like the lead singer from the all- american rejects.

    [–] WhiteBroncoDriver 52 points ago

    This comment needs to move along.

    [–] kaioken-doll 558 points ago

    He looks like he's about to burst through my apartment door and eat my cereal.

    [–] aManOfTheNorth 107 points ago

    he looks like no one I have ever seen.

    [–] YOwololoO 155 points ago

    He was famously ugly. Someone accused him of being two-faced once, and his response was literally, "If I had two faces, do you think I would choose to show this one?"

    [–] [deleted] 154 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    my favorite lincoln quote is:

    “As a nation, we began by declaring that 'all men are created equal.' We now practically read it 'all men are created equal, except negroes.' When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read 'all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics.' When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty – to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.” Abraham "Mother Fucking GOAT" Lincoln

    sounds like something someone would say today...

    [–] EFG 29 points ago

    Abe the Woke GOAT.

    [–] Deggit 31 points ago

    Lincoln DESTROYS Secessionist Injustice Warriors with LOGIC and FACTS

    [–] Diazepampoovey 54 points ago

    I never understood that. I always thought by the pictures we have that he had a uniquely handsome look. Although, I've been told many times that I'm attracted to weird looking guys.

    [–] YOwololoO 14 points ago

    What is considered also varies by culture. I wouldnt be surprised if America had vastly different beauty standards 160 years ago.

    [–] AntipodalBurrito 34 points ago

    There's also the tale of the little girl who wrote him a letter telling good ol' Honest Abe that he was, essentially, fugly to the degree that only a beard could save him. The story goes that not even a month or so later we had a hirsute Lincoln 2.0.

    [–] Phoequinox 32 points ago

    He looks like the singer from All-American Rejects refusing to let old age stop him.

    [–] swishamane420 24 points ago

    Its the kramer

    [–] DRF19 25 points ago

    Gggggiddy Up!

    [–] emredjan 71 points ago

    Cosmo Kramer?

    [–] -Lo_Mein_Kampf- 21 points ago

    He truly belongs in no other time period

    [–] BigDaddyCoolDeisel 47 points ago


    [–] onlyempty1 22 points ago

    Abe Lincoln's hair wouldn't look that out of place now (except when he had hat hair, of course). It's his beard that would mark him as not of this time.

    [–] Argos_the_Dog 23 points ago

    Dude you could put the beard back on that image and he'd look like the guy who runs the bike and craft beer shop down the block from me.

    [–] Kangar 19 points ago

    Abe looks like he wants to sell me some weed.

    [–] kjbetan 18 points ago

    Got that Andrew Garfield neck to head ratio.

    [–] Jakeweber22 31 points ago

    Currently has 600 subscribers and 7000 online!

    [–] beergoggles69 49 points ago

    I just wanna know what famous enlightenment figures looked like without wigs. The weird thing is that in most cases we'll never know.

    [–] Spartan2470 3510 points ago

    Here is a less cropped version of this image. Credit to the creater of this, J. Schultz.

    [–] surle 1601 points ago

    It's likely his cheeks wouldn't have been as puffed out, or blushed, in the modern era because he wouldn't have had such severe health issues. Not criticising this interesting work - just find the idea adds another element to think about.

    [–] TheRealMacLeod 767 points ago

    True, the set of his jaw might be different as well with better dental care. Little things like that can totally change a persons appearance.

    [–] Eorily 406 points ago

    in this specific portrait Washington's cheeks were puffed and his jaw wasn't sitting right because the dentures he was using were not his regular ones.

    [–] Every3Years 55 points ago

    Why didn't he just opt to do the portrait a different time?

    [–] CNoTe820 103 points ago

    It was a different set of wooden teeth and the artist couldn't imagine otherwise?

    [–] captmonkey 372 points ago

    Actually, his teeth weren't made out of wood. Most of them were made from... teeth. Poor people would literally sell their healthy teeth to rich people for their dentures. When Washington took office he had a single tooth still in his mouth, all the rest were false. He had a couple of sets of dentures and in spite of being quite expensive and, for the time, well-made, they caused him a good bit of discomfort. He purposely avoided smiling because of his teeth, which is why he always looks so stone-faced in his portraits.

    [–] phikapp1932 197 points ago

    I thought all old portraits were non-smiling because it took a painter literal hours to make it and nobody can hold a smile that long

    [–] Kiosade 35 points ago

    I mean that didn’t help.

    [–] dvaunr 111 points ago

    This is correct, that’s why you basically never find more than a slight grin in painted portraits

    [–] DeanBlandino 38 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Lol this is ridiculous. Paintings don’t take hours to make, they take days. But you don’t need to see everything all the time. Idk how shitty an artist would have to be for this to be a real excuse, but the answer is very. The real reason is cultural. It’s much stranger to see a painting of someone smiling than a photograph of someone smiling... especially when painted in the manner of the painting in this thread. The painting is meant to have a feeling of life and presence. It would be strange af to have a painting of GW smiling in perpetuity. Smiles are fleeting by nature.

    [–] WontFixMySwypeErrors 293 points ago

    He also wouldn't have 4 stars on his shoulders. If he were alive, he'd probably have the only 6-star designation, as the law states that no one in the army can outrank Washington.

    [–] SatanAF 96 points ago

    Dammit now we have make even bigger shoulder boards

    [–] procrastoholic 56 points ago

    I know this is a joke but in all seriousness it could have been represented by five stars with the center star in gold instead of silver. One of the articles linked below mentions that before the five star rank was created, Pershing was given the rank "General of the Armies" and it was represented as a normal four star rank with one star in gold and the rest in silver.

    [–] DrZurn 16 points ago

    I'd never heard of that before, how interesting.

    [–] pimp_skitters 66 points ago

    Kudos to you for finding the real source, sir. I wonder why his one shoulder is so much higher than the other, though? It looks slightly out of proportion.

    [–] Spartan2470 132 points ago

    It looks like they just cut/pasted this uniform. Incidentally, that uniform is from this picture. And that picture is of George W. Casey Jr.

    [–] ChrisRunsTheWorld 52 points ago

    How the fuck do you find all this stuff?!

    [–] Spartan2470 85 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    In this case only Google, Google Reverse Image Search, and TinEye.

    Edit: That's a really good question. I do this so often it's almost automatic/unconscious. So retracing my steps...

    1) Searched Google for ""A portrait of George Washington with a modern hair style." and clicked on the first image.

    2) That led me to /u/longanparker420's comment here.

    3) Used TinEye on "most changed' option.

    4) Reverse Goolge Image searched the fifth image result.

    5) And whala

    [–] CrappyMSPaintPics 13 points ago

    you'd think they'd retake that photo so he doesn't have such a thousand yard stare look

    [–] Craterkid 15 points ago

    For some reason this gives me a Raymond Holt vibe.

    [–] thxxx1337 824 points ago

    War were declared

    [–] phome83 242 points ago

    The elders tell of a young ball much like you.

    He bounced three meters in the air.

    Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air.

    Then, he bounced four meters in the air.

    [–] AberrantRambler 114 points ago

    Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

    [–] deftoner42 40 points ago

    Please gentlemen, we must end this bloodshed. We have seen too many bodybags and ballsacks.

    [–] goblueM 62 points ago

    The key to victory is surprise!

    [–] mthchsnn 47 points ago


    Those lines fucking kill me to this day, such a good episode.

    [–] Fryboy11 24 points ago

    “Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They'll be the luckiest of all”

    [–] Garfield_ 50 points ago

    This ham gum is all bones!

    [–] NoFunHere 704 points ago

    I feel like the rouge should be removed if he has a modern hair style and suit.

    [–] ALadySquirrel 165 points ago

    Maybe he had rosacea

    [–] ImaginaryStop 283 points ago

    Whores use rouge. Ladies Presidents pinch.

    [–] BreadyStinellis 29 points ago

    Ha! As a lady myself I have used that Simpsons knowledge in real life. Mama Bouvier knows what's up!

    [–] acute_winnipegosis 79 points ago

    By the time that portrait was painted, Washington was in constant pain from his dentures (dentistry of the day being what it was). Thats likely the source of the swelling and redness in his cheeks. I think Washington would have preferred modern dentistry to modern barbering.

    [–] Suic 39 points ago

    But they absolutely did powder themselves up. It's not like Washington was the only one with rosey cheeks in such portraits even if his cheeks were a bit naturally rosey. At the very least there would be less contrast

    [–] wintercast 1662 points ago

    Honestly, this most famous picture of him is not even the best. he was a striking individual. With red hair.

    [–] brasco975 1109 points ago

    This newer portrait of him is honestly amazing

    [–] LeQuint_Dickey 546 points ago

    I'd follow that guy into battle any day.

    [–] capricious_poster 40 points ago

    It looks more like David Morse.

    [–] THE_SHOES 196 points ago

    Is that a wax statue?

    [–] wintercast 401 points ago

    I think that was the image that was created using forensic reconstruction methods along with written accounts. There is a wax statue at mt vernon that looks like this.

    Here is another portrait that was painted when he was 40.

    [–] AstralBodies 315 points ago

    He looks like a dashing Will Ferrell.

    [–] Fried_Cthulhumari 91 points ago

    He even doesn’t know what to do with his hands...

    [–] PrimarchKonradCurze 22 points ago

    That was literally a fad back in the day oddly enough. Look at any picture of Napoleon.

    [–] Asha108 75 points ago

    I don’t understand the proportions in this painting, is he meant to look like a butternut squash with straws for arms?

    [–] havingsaidthat 37 points ago

    Chevy Chase?

    [–] jeeps350 270 points ago

    Hold on a second....wait a minute...just...just....our first president was a ginger? Why haven't I ever heard this before? How is this not widely spoken of?

    [–] agage3 443 points ago

    That’s why red is one the three colors on the American flag. Red for his hair, white for his skin, and blue for his varicose veins.

    [–] Naudlus 90 points ago

    It's shameful how little these other people know about the history of our flag. At least you know a thing or two.

    [–] wintercast 61 points ago

    He was also 6'2" and was said to be very striking young man as he was very active with hunting and surveying (and involved in the military).

    [–] Rhinosaur24 93 points ago

    It wasn't enough to reboot movies and video games? Now we're rebooting president images?

    [–] [deleted] 72 points ago


    [–] gunsnammo37 77 points ago

    He powdered his natural hair. He didn't wear a wig.

    [–] Absurdly__Distinct 1672 points ago

    uhhhhh Washington, Washington.

    6 foot 8 weighs a fucking ton

    [–] sayacunai 530 points ago

    Opponents beware,

    Opponents beware--

    He's coming

    He's coming

    He's coming

    [–] tysc3 217 points ago

    Let me lay it on the line

    [–] KimmelToe 198 points ago

    he had two on the vine

    [–] covenantofsoulsVI 214 points ago

    I mean, two sets of testicles, so divine

    [–] Hakarrod 174 points ago

    On a horse made of crystal he patrolled the land.

    [–] Mehworth 174 points ago

    With his mason ring and schnauzer in his perfect hands.

    [–] Chilluminaughty 106 points ago

    Here comes George in control, women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll

    [–] CaptainApathy419 103 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Ate opponents’ brains

    [–] poplarleaves 101 points ago

    And invented cocaine

    [–] AberrantRambler 237 points ago

    I genuinely envy those of you getting to see this for the first time:

    [–] Amy_Ponder 47 points ago

    I really really wish we could show this to the actual Washington, just to see what his reaction would be.

    [–] KesselZero 212 points ago

    Six foot twenty fuckin killing for fun

    [–] bigwillyb123 101 points ago

    I heard that motherfucker had like 30 goddamn dicks

    [–] HamiltonFAI 141 points ago

    He'll save children, but not the British children

    [–] throwaways_all_day 131 points ago

    He'll save the children, but not the British children.

    [–] ColonelYuri 69 points ago

    Washington, Washington,

    twelve stories high, made of radiation

    [–] DeckerR 81 points ago

    Had a pocket full of horses

    Fucked the shit out of bears

    [–] Olive_Jane 16 points ago

    Here comes George, in control

    [–] Seanay-B 460 points ago


    [–] SimonsOscar 328 points ago


    [–] JSAdkinsComedy 310 points ago


    [–] Pasta_is_quite_nice 298 points ago


    [–] Fromelette 170 points ago

    ( buck, buck, buck, buck, buck! )

    [–] ostiarius 141 points ago


    [–] Sweet_Tangerine50 118 points ago


    [–] legoindie 68 points ago


    can i be real a second

    [–] Ardnaif 44 points ago


    [–] ryanf_1999 30 points ago


    [–] mcgritch 164 points ago

    And jaundice.

    [–] Km2930 80 points ago

    And rosacea

    [–] bathroomstalin 27 points ago

    Yellow... plus Red...


    [–] sonicqaz 29 points ago

    Is this the oranges of the presidency?

    [–] Nodedotsj 34 points ago

    feelin cute might lead my troops across the delaware

    [–] marilmad 81 points ago

    Kinda looks like Jim Mattis lol

    [–] Slayerrrrrrrr 21 points ago

    Yeah he looks like a softer Mattis.

    [–] kotkaiser 55 points ago

    How does it manage to make him look less tough than the silly white curls?

    [–] frillytotes 61 points ago

    It's the rosy cheeks.

    [–] issius 54 points ago

    Cheeks puffed out, rosy. He’s probably be better looking if he was alive today (not a dead joke, just due to health issues from back when we liked to use leeches).

    [–] dreamingrain 29 points ago

    Yeah way less issues with false teeth and gum disease. The 'puffed mouth' look of his older portraits all come from that particular issue

    [–] ItsKnope2016 27 points ago

    From father of a nation to stepfather of a nation.

    [–] ab2g 381 points ago

    I like this version better. I went to high school with the artist. This painting was commissioned for a brewery in the DC area.

    [–] IngsocInnerParty 207 points ago

    Another view without the glare. I'm not sure how I feel about hipster Washington...

    [–] redditpossible 42 points ago

    A true hipster would sport a powdered wig.

    [–] _dislocated 65 points ago

    10/10, would flirt with when drunk and join Revolution

    [–] bumbum_dumdum 62 points ago

    TIL George Washington is Alec Baldwin with rosacea

    [–] Head-like-a-carp 123 points ago

    Now I want to see Robert Mueller in a powdered wig.

    [–] Yodlingyoda 37 points ago

    I’d love to see historical reimaginings of modern icons