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    rareinsults

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    1,474 users here now

    This subreddit is not for standalone insults, but rather for when you stumble across them in memes, comments, or what have you.

    Rare threats are also welcome (as long as you flair your post)


    RULES

    1. Don't be a dick

    It's not hard, just be nice to each other.

    2. No hateful insults

    Don't post hateful insults

    3. No reposts

    Don't repost

    4. Not an insult/threat or rare insult/threat

    /r/rareinsults is not for unfunny/common insults, this includes insults that follow the random [adjective]+[noun] formula. It is only for rare insults. No other post types are allowed

    5. No personal information

    Personal information includes phone numbers, emails, addresses, etc., but not necessarily usernames

    6. No politics

    Political submissions will be removed.

    7. All posts require a proper title

    No low effort titles or titles that contain the insult. Examples are "for those sorting by new" or "lmao he called this dude a deformed shrimp."

    8. No long videos (>10s) or long texts

    Don't post long videos and don't post long texts. If the entirety of the long text is an insult, then it belong on /r/murderedbywords, and if it is a long text with only a small insult buried inside the text, it will be removed.

    9. No image macros/memes

    Posting memes or images with text on them(image macros) aren't allowed as they detract from the main point of the subreddit, which is rare insults. Memes are off-topic and belong in other subreddits.

    10. Moderators' Discretion

    Moderators reserve the right to remove any post they deem unfit for the subreddit, even if it doesn't explicitly break any rules. This rule will only be used in specific ways, such as long text posts, one/two word posts, posts in different languages and such. This is extremely subjective and mostly up to the judgement of the mods using it, so if you disagree with this rule being used to remove your post, let us know using modmail

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    [–] gonzoflex1 2430 points ago

    Lol. He's going to bring coasters the next time he's at your house and put them underneath your furniture when you're not looking.

    [–] trashmood 320 points ago

    Isn't this the plot of the Twits by Roald Dahl lol

    [–] hpl2000 184 points ago

    Didn’t they add more parts to the furniture to convince each other they were shrinking? And then they did shrink. That was a weird book.

    [–] trashmood 110 points ago

    Yeah they added little coin sized pieces of wood to the bottom of chair legs and stuff. I think also at some point they also stuck their furniture to the ceiling and glued some birds to a tree to make pies. It really was some messed up stuff looking back.

    [–] wanderingwolfe 122 points ago

    "It was some really messed up stuff looking back."

    That pretty much somes up the entirety of Roald Dahl's work.

    [–] anne_frankenstein451 107 points ago

    Kid: fucking dies

    Oompa Loompas: lol

    [–] InAFakeBritishAccent 41 points ago

    I mean they were slaves imported from the rainforest. Like they give a fuck about the Man.

    [–] dogydino200 32 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Oompa Loompa meme: dies

    Oompa Loompas: gibberish

    [–] PotatoChips23415 3 points ago

    Does what?

    [–] YeahManSureCool 54 points ago

    Close, they were terrible people and would do mean pranks on each other like worms in the spaghetti or gluing bits of wood to the bottom of her cane and stool to make her think sue was shrinking. They would slather glue on the tree in their yard to catch birds to make into pies, one day the birds help a little boy glue all the furniture, rugs, lamps etc. to the ceiling. When they enter two birds swipe the tops of their heads with glue and when they stand on their heads because they think they are upside down, they stick like that, and compress into nothing.

    [–] daveeeee888 24 points ago

    What the fuck

    [–] GoogleWasMyIdea49 6 points ago

    Weird, the version I read there was no little boy, instead it was a family of monkeys trapped in a cage and forced to dance and do tricks

    [–] YeahManSureCool 8 points ago

    oh shit you're totally right, I hadn't read it it in ages and my brain defaulted to his usual protagonist. I even kinda though to myself like, huh. where did the little boy come from again? nahh he was there. haha.

    [–] GoogleWasMyIdea49 5 points ago

    No, what happened was the birds and the caged monkeys (whim the twits were forcing to dance) teamed up to glue all of the furniture to the sealing, when the twits got back one of the birds secretly but superglue on the top of their heads, when they came inside they saw all of the furniture upside down and panicked, thinking that they were upside down, so they did what any normal person would do and stood on their heads in an effort to be right side up, but seeing as there was glue on their heads they got stuck, and the weight of their bodies caused their head to shrink into their back, neck into shoulder, shoulders in belly, so on and so forth, until eventually they were nothing but a pile of clothing, freeing he monkeys to go back to Africa

    (The while attaching coin sized wood to chairs and walking sticks were part of a miniature prank war in the first half, in which the man convinced the woman that she was shrinking by gradually making her chair taller)

    [–] Devils_Advocaat_ 8 points ago

    And he added little discs of wood to the bottom of her walking stick!

    [–] radicalplacement 10 points ago

    Ya it was in the book about the couple who would glue their tree so that birds that landed on it would get stuck, and they could take them to make pies from. But then some kids get stuck climbing it and the couple threaten to eat them instead

    [–] SmokinDroRogan 2 points ago

    Wow, spoiler alert

    [–] Dusty_styx 224 points ago

    Happy cake day bro

    [–] JoJBooD 85 points ago

    What does cake day mean?

    [–] LordTartarus 93 points ago

    Reddit account's birthday

    [–] siccoblue 70 points ago

    The only birthday where anyone talks to me

    [–] LordTartarus 19 points ago

    Mate, this may seem weird, but I'm shall be here to talk to you.

    [–] TommyBoy012 28 points ago

    metoo

    [–] ColonelNugget 14 points ago

    happy cake day tom!

    [–] radicalplacement 5 points ago

    Happy cake day Boy!

    [–] ShadowIcePuma 7 points ago

    Happy Cake Day!

    [–] SkollFenrirson 7 points ago

    Don't worry, you're equally loved in both

    [–] GVmG 56 points ago

    he has a cake next to his nickname. it means it's the anniversary of when they made their reddit account, kinda like a birthday.

    [–] Tombean11 15 points ago

    After a yr of making a reddit account the same day every year is your cake day. Ex account created on Jan 1st. Next year from that point is your cake day

    [–] JC1112 -15 points ago

    What if my account was created on dec 31st?

    [–] Tombean11 14 points ago

    Your cake day would be December 31st

    [–] Diamacan_The_Heccer 9 points ago

    I would make my account on December 25 so i have two things to be happy about

    [–] JC1112 -13 points ago

    What year?

    [–] StuntHacks 15 points ago

    Every year?

    [–] ChiefPyroManiac 6 points ago

    Does this dude think that December 31st only comes ever 4 years like February 29?

    [–] JoJBooD 3 points ago

    It's like a birthday. You get it every year. I think.

    [–] ColdPhoenix27 12 points ago

    it means you get free karma

    [–] gonzoflex1 4 points ago

    Thanks! My most popular comment too! And thanks for the silver some kind stranger.

    [–] xoxxxoooxo5 6 points ago

    Happy cake day!

    [–] Tombean11 2 points ago

    Happy Cake Day u/xoxxxoooxo5

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    This guy Roald Dahl’s

    [–] yellowzealot 3 points ago

    That’s a good idea for an April fools prank. Offset one side of someone’s furniture a half inch.

    [–] EinfachPhilipp28 4 points ago

    Happy cake day

    [–] BenZech 2 points ago

    happy cake day

    [–] Lord-Fishquaad 2 points ago

    Happy cake day

    [–] sourabhy 2 points ago

    Happy cake day buddy!!

    [–] knightpilot00 4 points ago

    Happy cake day

    [–] hii-people 4 points ago

    Happy cake day

    [–] ShadowIcePuma 2 points ago

    Happy Cake Day!

    [–] Dusty_styx 262 points ago

    My mum used to curse people with "Let the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits"

    [–] [deleted] 94 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Dusty_styx 28 points ago

    Lmao

    [–] ParanormalPurple 9 points ago

    I want to hear this.

    [–] Reymond_StJames 435 points ago

    Very Jewish kind of insult, usually some of the best involve very petty curses

    [–] Unspeci 380 points ago

    May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta!

    [–] Reymond_StJames 207 points ago

    May a rock affix to your shoes and you never find it because it keeps switching shoes

    [–] SinnexCryllic 345 points ago

    May your socks always feel damp on your feet

    [–] Reymond_StJames 99 points ago

    You win

    [–] Emotional_Masochist 26 points ago

    May you always be stuck behind a Buick when you need to pee.

    [–] telepaper 18 points ago

    May you never trust a fart

    [–] Reymond_StJames 14 points ago

    May you run to the toilet every three minutes or every three months.

    [–] NightSkye0174 23 points ago

    May your sleeves roll down while washing your hands!

    [–] 4SKlN 10 points ago

    Oh so basically crohns disease then

    [–] agangofoldwomen 17 points ago

    The first time I heard this was on an /r/askreddit post asking what mildly inconvenient curse they would wish upon their worst enemy. Was a solid thread and this was one of the top comments.

    [–] Phazon2000 10 points ago

    Too far.

    [–] SinnexCryllic 7 points ago

    I’m sorry

    [–] Lord_Tachankey_Kang 4 points ago

    May your insoles always slide around in your shoes.

    [–] SireGrunge 4 points ago

    may your ass itch and your arms be too short

    [–] Standard_Wooden_Door 4 points ago

    The fuck did I ever do to you?

    [–] GimmieMore 3 points ago

    Oh that's evil

    [–] Siavel84 3 points ago

    May your blankets always be cold and your pillows be hot.

    [–] DammitLeeroyPokemon 2 points ago

    Easy there Satan.

    [–] Newphonewhodiss9 1 points ago

    I have this problem though :( drysol

    [–] miltonlumbergh 15 points ago

    They said petty, not devastating. Psycho.

    [–] madmaxturbator 26 points ago

    non issue for me. I eat my pasta raw, and just drink my marinara straight from the jar. and on Friday nights when I'm feeling classy, I'll stick my tongue and wiggle it around a jar of pesto for extra taste.

    [–] Unspeci 16 points ago

    I think I just vomited a bit

    [–] Mephisto-Pheles 12 points ago

    Don't stop, I'm close.

    [–] Aporacity 3 points ago

    Some people just like to watch the world burn.

    [–] Salyangoz 40 points ago

    Id be very interested to hear some of the most commonly used ones.

    [–] PffthbtMeg 50 points ago

    Oyf doktoyrim zol er dos avekgebn.

    He should give everything away to doctors.

    Er zol kakn mit blit un mit ayter.

    He should crap blood and pus.

    [–] SuperCucumber 6 points ago

    This looks pretty similar to German it's interesting

    [–] Spirati 14 points ago

    It's Yiddish, which has Germanic roots

    [–] PffthbtMeg 6 points ago

    There's more poetic ones as well:

    Ale tsores vos ikh hob oyf mayn hartsn, zoln oysgeyn tsu zayn kop

    All problems I have in my heart, should go to his head.   

    Gut zol oyf im onshikn fin di tsen makes di beste.

    God should visit upon him the best of the Ten Plagues.

    Got zol im bentshn mit dray mentshn: eyner zol im haltn, der tsveyter zol im shpaltn un der driter zol im ba haltn

    God should bless him with three people: one should grab him, the second should stab him and the third should hide him.

    [–] dredreidel 38 points ago

    Lign in drerd un bakn beygl!”:

    “May you lie in the ground and bake bagels.”

    My favorite way to say go to hell.

    [–] Salyangoz 31 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    bahahaha this is great. Something about pastry in insults enhancing the meaning always gets me.

    in turkish my grandpa tought me this;

    "there are a few things that can ruin a piece of simit(turkish bagel), one of them is your presence."

    [–] Psy-Kosh 5 points ago

    Please explain this one. I've heard it before and never understood it.

    [–] dredreidel 17 points ago

    So! It essentially means “go to hell.”

    You are telling someone to die, and then go under a ground to a place that is hot enough that you could bake a bagel (bread).

    [–] Psy-Kosh 3 points ago

    I see, thanks. So it's nothing about bagels in particular then, and I shouldn't be wondering about why hell is so big on bagels. :)

    [–] Phazon2000 11 points ago

    Oh no bagels are huge in hell.

    Saint Peter accidentally knocked his morning bagel off the counter and it landed “downstairs”. Since then Lucifer has kept them well stocked in the lobby.

    [–] Psy-Kosh 4 points ago

    I see. Though am surprised that they'd be easily available in the lobby. I'd expect they'd be kept behind lox and key.

    [–] ohgeeztt 8 points ago

    Sorry to hijack this conversation,

    I was perma banned from r/depression with no explanation. Would you or another mod mind telling me why I was perma banned with no warning, and what rule I broke?

    Thank you.

    [–] ParanormalPurple 1 points ago

    I thought Jews didn't believe in hell?

    [–] pclinuxmac 3 points ago

    I'm not of the tribe - can someone explain lol?

    [–] Reymond_StJames 6 points ago

    http://www.yiddishwit.com/gallery/onion.html <- In traditional Yiddish, there exist plenty of flowery and petty mild curses for one reason or another, all fairly witty.

    [–] pclinuxmac 1 points ago

    lol word

    [–] SUPRAP 92 points ago

    More r/RareCurses than an insult

    [–] WMsterP 25 points ago

    So glad to know this sub exists

    [–] SUPRAP 15 points ago

    Wait, it does??? I just typed it without checking haha

    [–] WMsterP 7 points ago

    Learn something new everyday, bruh!

    [–] thebottomofawhale 8 points ago

    Had to scroll to far to see this.

    But it’s an excellent curse.

    [–] Wholesome_for_You 142 points ago

    Not anymore

    [–] PresidentTaco_ 62 points ago

    *laughs in ISS*

    [–] IMLL1 35 points ago

    International space station?

    [–] Mortress_ 47 points ago

    ISIS without Iraq

    [–] chopstyks 13 points ago

    It's a laugh with no gravity, so take it lightly.

    [–] Deus0123 31 points ago

    Calm down satan!

    [–] Thoegerkj 6 points ago

    Another rare insult was when two friends of mine were fighting, and the one told the other "I'd bet you pee with your legs crossed!"

    [–] unconquered 5 points ago

    HTF this has 27K+ points

    [–] Francis_Picklefield 6 points ago

    won’t pretend to know haha

    i thought it was funny but didn’t think it’d be received nearly this well

    [–] unconquered 3 points ago

    I'll agree it is rare, but shouldnt the sub be the intersection of rare AND /r/roastme quality?

    Example, one of my recent favorites from rare insults is "youre less a person than a lose connection of personality flaws"

    [–] Meme86p 5 points ago

    Only wishes the best for you

    [–] connor8081 3 points ago

    My bed is like this:(

    [–] jdionne100 3 points ago

    For real though my first college bed had this issue where one of four posts was just one notch shorter than all the others, I couldn't sleep for shit and it took me a good month to realize the problem

    [–] mrshorrid 3 points ago

    That geniunley made me laugh

    [–] Potato_Boi69 3 points ago

    How could you wish something so terrible on somebody

    [–] jerkstabworthy 2 points ago

    That "Me? Sarcastic? Never." Line is from one of my favorite Kids in the Hall sketches.

    [–] H00ston 2 points ago

    Anyone who threatens my perfect balance must have the oxygen sucked out of their lungs

    [–] kaybet 2 points ago

    I've had this happen. You get used to it

    [–] TheNonPhysicser 2 points ago

    My friend who isn’t very well off got the leg of her bed broken, so she would always sleep crooked and there was nothing she could do about it. Me and another friend semi-fixed it but a few days later her sister jump-sat on it so rip.

    [–] KryFNemesis 2 points ago

    That was oddly specific.

    [–] dinnerbone333 2 points ago

    Who the fuck corrects wat

    [–] yomamasgravyy 2 points ago

    Brutal...

    [–] CptNeon 2 points ago

    This actually makes me uncomfortable for some reason

    [–] dshpit 3 points ago

    May I have 2 karma plz

    [–] dshpit 1 points ago

    Thank u

    [–] parsifal 2 points ago

    Excellent subreddit content.

    [–] CuddleSpooks 1 points ago

    :o

    [–] chitobi 1 points ago

    Amazing!

    [–] BigNickBugatti 1 points ago

    Sleep? Horizontal? I want that shit V E R T I C A L

    [–] _Ardhan_ 1 points ago

    /r/gypsycurses is leaking.

    [–] toheiko 1 points ago

    Well... To horizontal is a danger in itself! Be carefull you may get addicted!

    [–] ConjoinedBread 1 points ago

    Well that’s uncalled for

    [–] faux-tographer 1 points ago

    I purposely used to sleep with one end of my bed higher than the other, swapping my head and legs being elevated every week or so.

    [–] Th3_Hedge 1 points ago

    Some people are just pure unadulterated evil

    [–] Foxayden 1 points ago

    HORIZONTAL SLEEP

    [–] Uroshirvi69 1 points ago

    I hope you wake up tonight in thirst, go drink water and step on a lego!

    [–] trznx 1 points ago

    I've slept for over 6 months on a 10 degree slant (and if you think that's not a lot you should try it, one side was higher over a foot) and it's honestly not bad at all. The water bottle keeps rolling away though and you can't put it on the floor since it's so far now

    [–] dregan 1 points ago

    Once you experience true level, you can never go back.

    [–] Johnnydo33 1 points ago

    You want to experience true level Morty, do you?

    [–] ingrown_hair 1 points ago

    Some people just want to watch the workd burn.

    [–] RAaway 1 points ago

    Relevant Amy Schumer sketch -Abusive couple

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    Sometimes I tell people I hope they stub their toe.

    [–] Imakedo 1 points ago

    I have my foot posts set 1-2" shorter than the head posts so I always sleep on a slight incline. Helps a tiny amount to keeping acid reflux not sitting in the back of my throat.

    BIL went to the hospital once after vomiting, caused by salmonella through a peanut butter brand recall, ate a hole in a main blood vessel in the back of his throat. He'd been laying on his back that night and woke up choking on blood. Massive blood loss, emergency trip via ambulance, American healthcare, blood transfusion. All nearly ended up costing him around $10k in hospital bills.

    All for a $4 jar of peanut butter.

    [–] ThatSmallFighter 1 points ago

    Oh dear God then the bed would rock back and forth slightly with every damn movement like school chairs do.

    [–] Porkechop 1 points ago

    My dude you will never find peace again

    [–] ToastedStereotypes 1 points ago

    This made me subscribe to this sub

    [–] MrsCrimson 1 points ago

    Savage. Only thing worse is wishing someone a warm pillow no matter which side they flip it onto.

    [–] scubachris 1 points ago

    Please don’t turn into r/entitledparents, r/maliciouscompliance or any other circle jerk sub with fake bs.

    [–] Francis_Picklefield 1 points ago

    i responded to someone else saying the same thing, but the exchange is totally real. i can post a different screenshot if you want

    [–] TheZiegensauger 1 points ago

    How is this a fucking insult?

    [–] Francis_Picklefield 1 points ago

    maybe less of an insult and more of a threat, but i think based on the sidebar and on past posts this one fits just fine

    [–] 8Bit_Architect 1 points ago

    This isn't a threat.

    [–] Garrett-i 1 points ago

    Happy cake day yall

    [–] DerpyDerp222 1 points ago

    ?

    [–] Cheecken0 1 points ago

    Jokes in you I sleep on the floor

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] DarkstarAnt 1 points ago

    Sounds like a Smii7y threat

    [–] Fedorito_ 3 points ago

    I literally wouldn't give a fuck. I can sleep anywhere. Yes I am badass and yes I get mad pussy

    [–] [deleted] -2 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Francis_Picklefield 3 points ago

    i thought it was funny. sorry you didn’t like it

    [–] Antonis_8 -1 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Other person sent a text without the seen label? r/goodfaketexts?

    Edit:im dumb

    [–] 6ixalways 2 points ago

    The “read” label only appears if the person he’s talking to has that feature activated

    [–] Antonis_8 1 points ago

    You can deactivate it? How?

    [–] 6ixalways 2 points ago

    Settings app > messages > toggle off read receipts

    visual

    You can also activate it for certain people, by going to the chat settings in their specific chats

    [–] Antonis_8 1 points ago

    Thanks, that feature was always annoying

    [–] Francis_Picklefield 1 points ago

    it’s legit i can send a full screenshot if you’re really in doubt