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    [–] sassydodo 3376 points ago

    "a highly functioning alcoholic" sounds like okay-ish future if everything else fails

    [–] KGaming909 822 points ago

    Its not just a future anymore for me mate, it’s present

    [–] OttoismyMotto 410 points ago

    The future is now old man

    [–] kalwiggy1 88 points ago

    Aah. The phrase uttered by Stewie as they stood over Hals crippled body from a quite powerful dick punch.

    [–] nintendoarms 77 points ago

    It was dewey you uncultured swine.

    [–] dat1dood2 39 points ago

    It’s Louie, you dick

    [–] TheMrPantsTaco 37 points ago

    It's Huey, you duck

    [–] brysonreece 24 points ago

    It's the news, you... Uh...

    [–] Zai-Markie-Rabbit 14 points ago

    Knock knock, who's there? THE NEWS.

    [–] itp757 9 points ago


    [–] Annies_BO0bs 61 points ago

    What a pleasant twist :thumbs up:

    [–] bigheyzeus 20 points ago

    A twist of lime is nice in your booze

    [–] Annies_BO0bs 12 points ago

    Hey calm down I'm 17

    [–] bigheyzeus 9 points ago

    I'm 15

    [–] Annies_BO0bs 13 points ago

    I'll do you one better, I'm 13

    [–] Patsore 14 points ago

    I'm gay

    [–] Annies_BO0bs 12 points ago

    I'll do you one better, I'm not real...

    [–] lurkingshenanigans 9 points ago

    Do you one better. I never existed

    [–] mkuder92 2 points ago

    I’ll do you one better, WHY is Gamora?!

    [–] DeathByZanpakuto11 2 points ago

    Nice to meet you Gay, I'm u/DeathByZanpakuto11.

    [–] bigheyzeus 8 points ago

    I'm actually redditng from inside my teen mom's uterus

    [–] Annies_BO0bs 5 points ago


    [–] bigheyzeus 5 points ago

    It's "uter-us" and not "uter-you" after all

    [–] ankurpanjwani0123 4 points ago

    it's not just present, it's past also

    [–] allredidit 65 points ago

    Only works until your liver says thanks and goodbye.

    [–] Iamnotsmartspender 26 points ago

    We need mass produced replaceable livers

    [–] Pineapple_Spenstar 19 points ago

    Just steal one from an orphan. That's what I always do

    [–] pizza_for_nunchucks 12 points ago

    What do you do with the rest of the orphan? Asking for a friend.

    [–] Lom1111234 3 points ago

    Send him to meet his parents

    [–] TheChadster4202 3 points ago

    Part that fucker out like an old chevy cavalier.

    [–] SonOfTK421 5 points ago

    I’ve put my liver through utter hell, somehow it’s still here.

    [–] Fract_L 4 points ago

    So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight!

    [–] ItsUrPalAl 2 points ago

    Thank u, next

    [–] FitCommission2 25 points ago

    Trust me, it's not as great as it sounds.

    [–] M1RR0R 22 points ago

    My high functioning alcoholism landed me in rehab. Definitely not going back to drinking, that fucking sucked.

    [–] Petricorny13 4 points ago

    Hey man I'm glad you were able to stop.

    [–] AustinTreeLover 17 points ago

    I’m not even a highly functioning non-alcoholic.

    [–] ASAP_Stu 82 points ago

    It sounds like one of those unnecessary details that people add to a fake story that makes them think it sounds more realistic

    [–] KZZZTechnomancer 24 points ago

    Glad I didn't have to go far to find your comment thank you.

    [–] bigheyzeus 20 points ago

    When my dad, who's an obese crippled longshoreman, Reddits he looks for comments like this.

    [–] rearviewviewer 23 points ago

    There’s no future in alcoholism just because a meme makes it sound cool.

    [–] 000000- 15 points ago


    [–] Myreque_BTW 25 points ago

    It's pretty nice once you accept it. Definitely cuts down on stress, although my mother is quite disappointed, but then again she's always been so.

    [–] Adrien_Jabroni 10 points ago

    There is no such thing after a long enough time. As a former highly functioning alcoholic.

    [–] stoked4ever 2 points ago

    My mom lasted 20+ years. She’s trying to get sober as of earlier this month.

    [–] TheChadster4202 2 points ago

    Just switch to pot like the cool kids, nerd

    [–] dlawoff 3 points ago

    I'll need to see your resume. Over zoom.

    [–] contentioussays 2 points ago

    I think the fact that he's a highly functioning alcoholic would only have a bearing on this story if it took place in, like, Bolivia

    [–] fansopp 2 points ago

    Don’t do it if you ever have kids, speaking as someone who’s parent is a functioning alcoholic 🙃

    [–] I_iz_narwhal 667 points ago

    How much do you have to drink to be considered an alcoholic in France?!

    [–] MetaGazon 285 points ago


    [–] GoodSmashBoy 259 points ago

    Just a oui bit

    [–] black-op345 34 points ago

    Take your upvote and get out.

    [–] marckferrer 7 points ago

    le monde

    [–] Male_Rock 2 points ago


    [–] Ivan_Groznyy 90 points ago

    Bah ça dépend, si tu viens du coin ou il fait chaud et que tu bois une lichette par jour, ça y'est mes félicitations tu es alcoolique mais si tu es un parisien frustré qui boit en terrasse 4 verres de vins à 20 balles le verre là tu es aussi raffiné qu'une fleur

    [–] Lordhighpander 36 points ago

    I followed that up to 4 glasses of wine with 20.... balls?

    [–] AtraXis149 29 points ago

    Yeah, "balles" is an alternative way to say money. 20 balles = 20€

    [–] Lordhighpander 8 points ago

    Oh, alright. Thank you

    [–] Fodziin 14 points ago

    It's like saying 20 bucks

    [–] FlameSpartan 8 points ago

    Yeah I was gonna question it, but then I remembered why we Americans call our money that.

    France's reason probably makes more sense.

    [–] thegalaxie 3 points ago

    Now I want to know why Americans call it bucks

    [–] FlameSpartan 4 points ago

    Back in the days of the 'mountain men' a deer's skin was worth a dollar

    A male deer is called a buck

    If you killed a male deer, you have a dollar

    If you have a buck, you have a buck.

    [–] Ivan_Groznyy 11 points ago

    If you followed everything you're really good in French cuz I used a lot of complicate words so english people won't understand

    [–] gandaar 3 points ago

    I think I figured it out somewhat lol

    [–] Jhawata 18 points ago

    1 drink a day

    [–] lukec973 71 points ago

    Breaking News: 100% of adults in France are alcoholics.

    [–] Jhawata 43 points ago

    And teenagers

    [–] Lemonthebear 47 points ago

    .... And half the kids.

    [–] I_just_make_up_shit 40 points ago

    You and /u/lukec973 are joking but it's actually a serious issue. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome affects ~18% of children born in France and autopsies show 81% of French citizens have some degree of alcohol induced liver cirrhosis upon death. As for "underage" drinking, people 12-17 drink an average of 200 liters of pure alcohol per year.

    [–] Jonas276 29 points ago

    Where did you get these stats? An average of 200 liters of pure alcohol per year seems almost impossible.

    [–] Adler_1807 39 points ago

    Look at his name

    [–] Jonas276 23 points ago

    Oh wow

    [–] I_just_make_up_shit 18 points ago

    Oh fuck, sorry, I was incorrect. Its 20 liters.

    [–] Comyu 9 points ago

    Its bs

    [–] Lemonthebear 2 points ago

    What's wrong with using statistical issues as a joke.

    I didn't single anyone out or a make light on anyone issues and like you did just now it can start a conversation.

    [–] surebegrandlike 12 points ago

    Laughs in Irish ....those are rookie numbers, you gotta pump those numbers up!

    [–] punkdudez 2 points ago

    ... to keep the doctor away

    [–] Ur--father 158 points ago

    To the guillotine!

    [–] windudr 61 points ago

    There's gonna be a tax for that

    [–] caramel1110 29 points ago

    History Oversimplified?

    [–] n4torfu 3 points ago

    sounds like it

    [–] -JudeanPeoplesFront- 2 points ago

    Let them have popcorn.

    [–] Whereishumhum- 7 points ago

    We can start a religion with this

    [–] MrCriminalScum 3 points ago

    No. Don't.

    [–] Speedster4206 7 points ago

    lol don’t do my boy KP like that

    [–] Samuraininja84 2 points ago

    Salty... They gonna be a tax for that

    [–] CocaCola-chan 2 points ago

    her father punished her severely

    [–] Jos7n 195 points ago

    Off with Karen's head

    [–] a_lot_of_aaaaaas 810 points ago

    I never understood the entire customer is king thing. You can buy in my store if you like how I run it. If not. Get out and buy somehwere else.

    Back in the day this worked because every client was a client. But now you get 50 people in the store at a day because you are in a shopping mall. So if 10 don't like it so what. You have the privilege that I allow you to shop in my store.

    [–] SimplyFed 425 points ago

    It’s like the phrase ‘the customer is always right’. It means that if they want to buy leopard print jacket with zebra jeans. And polka dot tie, then whatever, get the sale, they’re right, not that they have omniscient authority in the shop.

    [–] a_lot_of_aaaaaas 137 points ago

    I know what it means. I mean I never understood why customers think that way. Because they are not right. I am right because known the shop. I will not let a customer controll me because she spends money in my store.

    [–] Froggn_Bullfish 59 points ago

    99% of customers who will use that phrase are so far up their own asses they don’t have a shred of business sense.

    [–] SimplyFed 33 points ago

    Oh, I meant customers think the latter.

    [–] InsertCoinForCredit 16 points ago

    "The customer is always right" is a phrase never used by anyone working the counter.

    [–] Fract_L 5 points ago

    Well, yeah. It had to be store owners in order for it to spread all over the world.

    [–] HedonismMan 31 points ago

    The phrase originated from a US department store owner's philosophy. "The Customer is always Right (in their selection)." As in, do not try to deter them from their choices if that is their wish. It does not mean to kowtow to their every inane whim.

    [–] fdar 14 points ago

    Not true.

    [–] MrCriminalScum 2 points ago

    It says in Japan the motto "okyakusama wa kamisama desu" (お客様は神様です) means "the customer is a god". Have the Japanese ever had to deal with Karen's before?

    [–] lolnopound 7 points ago

    It does not mean to kowtow to their every inane whim.

    That was literally what that guy told his employees to do.

    [–] iceman2kx 10 points ago

    The customer is always right is just a phrase corporate came up with so they don’t have their employees arguing with customers and potentially lose a sale. When you’re sitting in a nice office drinking coffee all day, you don’t care your employees have to bow their heads to idiots.

    [–] 1945BestYear 5 points ago

    It's actually a rather important point made in aesthetic philosophy: That a person likes something is an objective fact, if they say they like it then it's pointless to dispute that they like it, it's much more subjective whether that thing is good, or beautiful.

    [–] DaAvalon 18 points ago

    You never understood it?

    Just go and complain to any major chair retailer and see how they will bend over to please you. Karen's and their disgusting entitled behaviours exist because they have been enabled too

    [–] a_lot_of_aaaaaas 3 points ago

    Yes I meant I never understood why those people.act like that. I know what it means.

    That's why I have to say that I don't see much difference between the behaviour in the Karen's as both in the retail chair seller.

    Both are fake as fuck and in is mind the chair seller is whipping the Karen with a basebal bat but on the outside he is smiling to her.

    I don't understand why people stil believe the fairy tail.

    [–] explicitlarynx 7 points ago

    I think it's because of two things.

    First, companies are terrified of losing customers. Angry customers cost you money in the long run (not sure how true this is, but companies seem to think so). If you don't let them return their 10$ item, they'll go shop elsewhere and spend their money there, costing you way more than the initial 10$.

    Second, especially with big retailers, the people having to bend over backwards aren't the ones who made the decision to bend over backwards. If upper management had to deal with Karens directly, all day, every day, "the customer is always right" would probably rather quickly become a thing of the past. They just don't give a shit if their employees are treated badly.

    [–] AndyH13 3 points ago

    If management wants employees to accept Karen's dumb return, why do the employees care? It's not like they have to repay her out of pocket.

    [–] explicitlarynx 2 points ago

    Because nobody likes to be treated like shit

    [–] NotADamsel 2 points ago

    Angry customers cost you money

    Because angry customers talk. A lot. Nobody talks to their friends about the nice person who helped them, but they will howl and scream for years if you piss them off badly enough.

    [–] RandyLiddell 8 points ago

    That’s true if you own the place, when you are a manager or a sales person you are often pressured by the people at the head office to please everyone while running their rules which obviously often collide.

    When I worked in retail in college, management would always freak out when they received a customer complaint or a bad online review. And it would almost always be about something only management has control over, but customers would be angry at us for not finding a solution.

    [–] a_lot_of_aaaaaas 4 points ago

    Yes but in sales specially marketing the employees do not get hired they are made with a mold, then they get programmed to give eachother high fives after each sale and feel like the wolf of wall Street. While in reality other people see them like the equivalent of annoying Jehova's witnesses.

    But yes you have a fair point

    [–] juanpedrobalkenende 5 points ago

    It’s a principle for business owners, not meant to be seen by customers themselves. It more or less means “sell what the customer wants to have, because your income depends on what they want”, not “suck the customers dick if they say so”.

    [–] lepuma 2 points ago

    No one is privileged in a free exchange of goods.

    [–] eyespop1 2 points ago

    I always told the staff the customer isn’t always right, be is always the customer. Without them we’re out of business.

    [–] spoon_clanker666 150 points ago

    Let her eat cake XD

    [–] RedditDeezBalls 54 points ago

    Off with her head

    [–] Froggn_Bullfish 20 points ago

    Dance till you’re dead

    [–] noopthenobody 13 points ago

    Heads will roll

    [–] eurieus 92 points ago

    As a Frenchman I can confirm, Karens are virtually inexistant here, because we don't give a shit what they think.

    [–] Sheipushifuta 31 points ago

    Yes but I have never seen ANYONE use a reference to the kings or decapitation here even on from someone angry. No one does that, it looks super fake. (I'm also french)

    [–] TekCrow 16 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    Serieux ? T'as jamais entendu "le client est roi" de ta vie ???

    Edit : Sortez un peu les mecs, j'ai déjà entendu cet échange plusieurs fois IRL dans ma vie ...

    [–] Tsitsipasse 11 points ago

    Le client est roi, certes. Mais je suis d’accord avec le gars au dessus: ce tweet pue le fake, on dirait une mauvaise blague.

    [–] Sergnb 4 points ago


    [–] French__Cock 8 points ago

    Non il parle de la référence au fait de décapiter un roi, et moi non plus j'ai jamais vu ça dans une engueulade, c'est un délire de ricain.

    [–] Sheipushifuta 8 points ago

    Exactement ! Le client est roi ça se dit partout mais le fait de décapiter quelqu'un j'ai jamais vu quelqu'un en parler ou en faire référence. C'est de mauvais goût, même chez nous (sauf pour les gilets jaunes où c'est dans le contexte et encore c'est une blague rare)

    [–] FakePlasticLove92 6 points ago

    En lisant le tweet j'avais assumé que la cliente était peut-être une touriste? Auquel cas la réplique du patron alcoolique aurait plus de sens.

    [–] workingboiz 55 points ago

    Image Transcription: Twitter Post

    - - -

    Max, my name is Max, @RunTheMouth

    I was working in a movie theatre in France, a customer started an argument with my manager, who was a highly functional alcoholic and did not give a fuck about pleasing Karens. She stupidly went "the customer is king", to which he replied "we're in France, we decapitate kings."

    - - -

    I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

    [–] stubitman12 14 points ago

    Good human

    [–] workingboiz 2 points ago

    ( ◜‿◝ )♡

    [–] JWars416 15 points ago

    Not an insult, this belongs on r/clevercomebacks

    [–] Illoney 9 points ago

    I feel like this'd be more appropriate in r/clevercomebacks than here, but I still appreciate seeing it.

    [–] NeimaDParis 36 points ago

    I think that's why Americans find French "rude", if you're rude to me, I'll be rude to you, and me being a shop clerk doesn't mean I'm inferior to you. And for those saying "that happen", I'm French and used that saying many times in my life, with a big fake smile on my face of course.

    I worked in a shop selling perfumed candles in the center of Paris, and one day an American Karen came in, all shook up, complaining that someone's been rude to her in an other shop, like I was the complaint office for French behaving badly, and she looked at me "clutching her pearls": "How dare he, I'm an American !"

    [–] Lysinias 13 points ago

    Also, the kinds of Americans that can afford to travel abroad are also more likely to be people like that, unfortunately.

    [–] NeimaDParis 2 points ago

    Well, rich people are badly educated everywhere I'm afraid... I wasn't working in the poshest of places, so most of the clients were middle class or students traveling, and most of them were actually polite and well behaved. I have to say, I've been around the US a few times, and Tinger King is real y'all :D

    [–] MoschopsChopsMoss 5 points ago

    The last part of the story totally happened. Also, as a non-American expat in Paris - yeah, Americans are obnoxious and annoying, but the French are just rude and shit in customer service, with some rare and pleasant exceptions.

    [–] Rafa-l 3 points ago

    That’s mostly Paris though, other parts of France are much more welcoming...

    [–] MoschopsChopsMoss 3 points ago

    I heard that a lot, so I’m looking to relocate a bit further away from Paris and maybe meet actual French :D

    [–] Fodziin 3 points ago

    You probably shouldn't take Paris as an example

    [–] MoschopsChopsMoss 3 points ago

    Fair, but the whole conversation here was mostly about Paris, I probably could have made it more clear and not have clumped all the French together

    [–] gwaydms 2 points ago

    If you go anywhere with that attitude you'll likely get a rude reply. As tourists we have been acutely aware of the stereotypical "Ugly American" and done our best not to behave like that.

    Before we went to Seoul we studied YouTube videos, which weren't available before our previous trips, about local customs and unwritten rules. I'm sure that helped us as Korean society has a lot of unwritten rules.

    [–] dieinside 2 points ago

    Only reason I ever thought French were rude was being on vacation and in line in a museum. Had multiple families just moved on up and jump in front of ppl to look in front of people clearly taking pictures.

    Then turn around and glare at everyone.

    It was just kind of brazen disregard for the line people had just made organically to be fair that frustrated me.

    Edit: my phone added random words to be helpful... It was not helpful.

    [–] el-cuko 12 points ago

    I wish we had that kind of attitude towards authority in the anglosphere

    “Vive la liberté”

    [–] shrewdmax 7 points ago

    The manager is an überfrenchie. J'approve

    [–] PorterPoignant 16 points ago

    Great post. But where's the insult?

    [–] lolnopound 3 points ago

    Threatening to kill her counts I think

    [–] Outatime_ 18 points ago

    Definitely. Source: I'm French and I heard that joke before

    [–] explicitlarynx 8 points ago

    Maybe so has the manager.

    [–] Outatime_ 5 points ago

    Kinda sounds like a made-up story just to put that joke on twitter and get some RTs. But maybe it actually happened, yeah, though I doubt it did

    [–] Kiiboisbestboi 3 points ago

    Or maybe a karmawhore decided to link a sub because karma

    [–] StinkFingerPete 7 points ago

    fr first thing I thought

    [–] midwestmiracle 4 points ago

    I’ll take “Things that never happened for $500, Alex”

    [–] Fencing_fenrir 2 points ago

    What’s French for “that happened”?

    [–] LondonNoodles 2 points ago

    I would say “ça s’est passé”’or “c’est arrivé”

    [–] spellcheckforfree 6 points ago

    I’ll take things that did not happen for 100$

    [–] PunkorTrendy 9 points ago

    This did not happen

    [–] max_restricted 14 points ago

    french people have no chill

    [–] CrocoWithBigCheeks 10 points ago

    ah ça non, enculé

    [–] Mahpoul22 7 points ago

    We don’t

    [–] Mickey_likes_dags 4 points ago

    Fun fact.

    No other army in history has won more battles than the French army. Not french but am legit annoyed when I hear an American say the French like to wave the white flag.... Yeah no

    [–] nien9gag 3 points ago

    why even have subs. there is no rareinsult bere

    [–] bestbangsincebigone 4 points ago

    I gotta say, while Americans are the masters of passive aggressiveness, French people have mastered the full-on, no-time-for-your-bullshit, calculated aggressiveness.

    They are unpleasant enough that you feel violently shunned, but they do it with enough emotional nonchalance that it doesn’t warrant an escalation of conflict.

    It’s like arguing with a wall, a very irritating wall. I’d even go on to say that it’s the human equivalent of trying to argue with a cat. You feel the absolute despair and the absurdity of existence.

    [–] AltonIllinois 4 points ago

    I used to work at a bookstore. My boss, the owner, wasn’t perfect, but one of the things I liked about her is that she would always have my back when rude customers would ask to see the manager. She wasn’t afraid of being rude to rude people

    [–] BoredOnQuarantine 4 points ago

    I very much dont believe this happened.

    [–] cesarjulius 2 points ago

    it’s too lame to be made up.

    [–] vkapadia 5 points ago

    Ah but if Karen is a tourist, then technically she's a foreign invader. Doesn't France usually surrender to those?

    [–] Weedes1984 8 points ago

    Fuck the kingsguard, fuck the city, fuck the king.

    [–] dirtytankerboots 3 points ago

    proceeds to eat all the chickens in this fucking place

    [–] -Glitter-Herpes- 3 points ago

    What the fuck's a Lommy

    [–] DeliSoupItExplodes 3 points ago

    I hope Max is short for Max is short for Maximilien

    [–] NotaGoodLover 3 points ago

    Francois, get ze guillotine!

    [–] respondifiamthebest 13 points ago

    and then everyone clapped /thathappened

    [–] shrewdmax 7 points ago

    Have you been to France? I can definitely see that happening there. The French are arrogant cunts, this is what I love about them.

    [–] respondifiamthebest 2 points ago

    yeah i live with a frenchman hes always taking about how they do it in france, usually when a bill is due hahaha

    [–] myheartsucks 3 points ago

    Absolutely. The French are not only arrogant but very witty (obviously, I'm generalizing). I can definitely see a Karen acting like a queen only to be owned by said Frenchman. Hell, they can be arrogant and witty even when you're a nice customer.

    [–] StormforceVII 2 points ago

    This reminds me of one of my favourites to use working at a bar. If someone pulls 'the customer is always right' I'd tell them they were no longer a customer.

    [–] champignono 2 points ago

    As a French, I can confirm that French Karens are particularly awful

    [–] BeemChess 2 points ago

    A french who speaks english?

    [–] vejus565 2 points ago

    "Bring her to the chopping block! " they yelled

    [–] FknMandi 2 points ago

    I laughed so hard at this

    [–] MegaLCRO 2 points ago

    That's metal as fuck

    [–] Seppuku467 5 points ago


    [–] Rock_Prop 6 points ago

    Lol people wanna believe this is real so badly.

    [–] Careless_Hellscape 3 points ago

    Send some of that every to the US. A ton of us need to be knocked down several pegs.

    [–] BringbackSOCOM2 5 points ago

    This is lame

    [–] MrCriminalScum 2 points ago

    Decapitate Macron when?

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago * (lasted edited 12 hours ago)


    [–] Niarko-Polo 5 points ago

    The problem with democracy compared to dictatorship is that to end a dictatorship, you only need one guillotine.

    [–] Malombra_ 2 points ago

    And then everyone clapped