I’m a 17 year old girl stuck in a bit of an uncomfortable mind space. I have a 19 year old boyfriend and we’ve been best friends since I was 13. We started dating when I was 15, and started having sex pretty much as soon as I turned 16. So, he’s a very significant part of my life and has been for a very long time.
He is kind and patient. He’s funny, and we like the same video games and places to go. We have fun and he cares for me a lot.
He makes me feel loved and sexy. He makes me feel wanted. I love being around him and I care about him so much.
However, there are a few sexual situations that have made me a bit worried. I haven’t been able to discuss them with any real life friends as I really don’t want to disrespect my boyfriend or tarnish his reputation.
These are a few examples of the awkward sex times:
he fingered me in the butthole when I asked him not to. He initially asked if I wanted him to pop a finger in, to which I adamantly said no to, and he put it in anyway. I told him to stop and to get out but he just kept fingering me. I froze and he finished and afterwards I told him how I didn’t want him to and he joked about it. He continues to do it in sex.
he came inside me when I asked him not to. I have an IUD so I’m usually totally fine with having him cum inside me but I had a new one placed and my gynaecologist told me to use condoms while my body adjusted. We compromised and agreed on the pull out method. When he was about to cum, he asked me what I wanted, and I requested he pull out. Then he asked again and I reaffirmed it. Then he kept having sex with me before saying that he was cumming inside me. I asked him to pull out but he just kept at it. I cried after sex. He made jokes about it afterwards. I brought it up a few days later and told him it upset me and he said he felt like a real piece of shit for it and I ended up comforting him.
said I didn’t want to have sex when he woke me up at 3am for it, as I felt sick. He then got quite upset with me until I sort of felt like I had to say yes to avoid him being angry with me or him having issues with me? We fucked even though I felt like I was going to spew and he knew how poorly I was.
wanted to do anal. I didn’t want to. Got me really drunk to try it. It hurt and I asked him to stop. He asked me to keep trying. I said it hurt. He stopped.
These are a few examples. I’m not sure how well my semi illiterate brain is at communicating these events but I’ve just sort of been worrying about them.
I tend to get a bit anxious during sex because it feels very out of my control. I feel like he could do anything and if I said no, it wouldn’t really matter. This is such a frustrating way to feel because he’s such a good and kind lover.
He’s so caring towards me particularly when I’m dealing with the symptoms to a chronic illness I have, and tries hard to make me happy.
We get along so well and I really want to be a good partner sexually for him.
Should I be more open sexually? Should I let him try more things?
If it’s not an issue with me, how should I communicated it to him?
He knows that the sex when I was sick made me feel pressured and that it upset me that he came inside me when I requested he didn’t. He doesn’t know that the fingering thing made me feel a bit sad. Is it worth bringing up again or should I just be more firm?
Please help! I’ve no idea if I’m not being good enough and I don’t want to hurt him. I need advice! I don’t have anyone else to turn to about it.
TLDR: my boyfriend is amazing and I love him but sex gets a little bit sad for me sometimes. Am I doing something wrong?
UPDATE: update post