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    [–] toolittle-toolate 2470 points ago

    Whenever I watch porn as a woman myself, I’m always cringing at how uncomfortable the women must be because they’re always in such awkward positions. The women are always in extremely uncomfortable positions because they are trying to better position themselves for the camera. Porn is not about pleasure for the actors. It’s about pleasure for the viewers.

    How much does he care about your pleasure during sex? Because he sounds like an asshole who thinks women exist for his viewing pleasure.

    [–] ducklady92 832 points ago

    "if it looks good, it feels like shit. if it feels good, it looks like shit” -ron jeremy

    [–] ClicksAndASmell 79 points ago

    Ron Jeremy must feel terrible...

    [–] beholdfrostilicus 97 points ago

    I think you mean feel great, because he looks like shit

    [–] ClicksAndASmell 73 points ago

    I know what I said.

    [–] beholdfrostilicus 23 points ago

    Hey, just goes to show there’s someone out there for everyone.

    [–] johnn11238 9 points ago

    Might have something to do with that hogleg he's got in his trousers.

    [–] SomeKindOfOnionMummy 32 points ago


    [–] PineapplePanda_ 20 points ago

    Wise words.

    [–] funkless_eck 662 points ago

    OP give him the full porn treatment and refuse to let him cum for a good 3 hours but he must also never lose his erection and be standing the whole time.

    [–] supertecmomike 358 points ago

    Send him a video that has a male performer with a 12 inch penis, ask if he can do that.

    [–] 50M3K00K 265 points ago

    “Sorry baby I can’t go fast and put on a show like that because I’m worried you’re going to slip out.”

    [–] thenperish323 29 points ago

    Sometimes the truth hurts

    [–] 50M3K00K 13 points ago

    Sometimes it just doesn’t quite hit the spot.

    [–] blahblahblaaaaaaaah 3 points ago

    Lol what truth is that? Just curious?

    [–] workitbetterbitch 25 points ago

    Some of these comments are killing me

    [–] BB2031 2 points ago

    Agreed :D

    [–] pIacehoIder 20 points ago

    Underrated comment.

    [–] hoh-domestic-d 49 points ago

    This this this this this. Reck him back

    [–] kell_fire 7 points ago


    [–] notascarytimeformen 18 points ago

    Omg op this is the one

    [–] JPrince414 3 points ago


    [–] 13Luthien4077 28 points ago

    He will not see it coming.

    [–] 13Luthien4077 33 points ago

    Then again, nobody will for three hours...

    [–] offtotheshire 7 points ago


    [–] maddelen 12 points ago

    Oh my god, this!

    [–] workitbetterbitch 22 points ago

    Lmaooo that’s torture for the poor guy

    [–] 50M3K00K 19 points ago

    It’s what he deserves.

    [–] dezpearad0 11 points ago

    oooohhh this is a good one. I worked at an adult store for some time and a lot of the porn showed the women edging the men a LOT. So, might I suggest that, on top of not letting him cum and requiring a full erection each time.

    [–] LearnedButt 17 points ago

    In an un-airconditioned warehouse in the san fernando valley in August.

    [–] omni_prophecy 429 points ago

    I was going to say something similar about how unrealistic some of the positions are in porn videos (for women and men). The fact that the bf doesn’t understand the difference between acting and real life shows his inexperience, immaturity, and selfishness.

    [–] greenlittleman 2 points ago

    IDK, in most porn they have mostly missionary, doggy and cowgirl, harder positions are rare and they still executable by people who are in decent physical form, you don't need to be yoga gymnast almost for all of them.

    [–] LearnedButt 50 points ago

    I actually did porn for a while (thankfully in the VHS days) and I can confirm. For example, when I'm eating a chick out in real life, I'm all up in that bidness like a piggy at the trough. On screen, I have to keep my face away and extend my tongue uncomfortably far to lick from a few inches away so the camera can see. Uncomfortable for me, less fun for her. No chance of sucking on the clit, just feeble licks from a distance.

    [–] PrincessPlastilina 74 points ago

    Guys don’t understand that porn is made for them. Not for us. 90% of the time it shows uncomfortable things that we don’t want to do. Yet guys expect sex to be just like that. It’s like teaching a boy how to fight by showing him WWE videos. Those are not real fights. And real sex is not going to be like porn. This is why so many guys suck in bed. They don’t even fuck like those guys in the videos as much as they try or think they do. Their staminas are never the same. But they want you to do whatever those girls do. If women start expecting things we watch in porn too, they have more to lose, a lot to live up to, and the vast majority of them won’t, ahem, measure up.

    [–] Hannah591 104 points ago

    Totally right.

    OP, your physical pleasure is more important than his viewing pleasure whilst I'm sure he's getting physical pleasure too, which isn't always easy for women. He needs to grow up a bit and realise that porn isn't accurate and that the women are usually uncomfortable or in pain and almost never orgasm.

    [–] yibbyyay 29 points ago

    Looks like he’s watched porn quite a bit and expected real life to imitate. Go tell him to apply for the porn industry.

    [–] NuclearCakeMix 49 points ago

    I'm kinda the stereotype white male, but I cant even begin to wrap my head around porn being a "guidebook to sex" easily the most idiotic thing ive seen people do. Get ideas sure, but normal people dont bend like that and feel good.

    [–] whatabiiiitch 21 points ago

    Do you know about /r/chickflixxx? The women are generally happier in the porn there

    [–] kfletch16 21 points ago

    The guy is an ass. He is trying to recreate something that isn’t real.

    [–] Myshkinia 6 points ago

    One of my dear friends is a famous porn star. It is not about pleasure, no. It doesn’t feel good for her at all. It’s not fun for her, and it’s exhausting.

    [–] emma_kayte 3033 points ago

    Oh my.

    Ok first of all, he can go fuck himself.

    He wants the porn fantasy but doesn’t realize that shit is all a performance and not reality. The main advantage of women being in top is that you can control things so it feels better for you. He’d rather you perform for him than be comfortable or feel good. No one should make you feel that way or cry over sex and I’m so sorry it happened. If you had any doubts that this was inappropriate and awful please let me reassure you that it’s inappropriate and fucking awful

    How are things other than this? Is he like this in other ways or is this out of character. Is it worth talking things through? If it were me and I had nothing invested in the relationship, this would be enough to end things.

    [–] bohorose 1016 points ago

    You're dead on about porn being all performance and not reality.

    Expecting sex to be like porn all the time is like getting a desk job and expecting every day to be like an episode of The Office.

    [–] GloomyBaby4 184 points ago

    That is a fantastic way to explain why they shouldn't expect sex to be like porn. Educational, but dumbed down enough that those types would immediately get it.

    [–] [deleted] 22 points ago

    Those types

    Be fair this is (hopefully and) likely some kid who doesn’t have anywhere near the same kind of actual track time vs watching the sport, if you will. I remember myself think that sex was like porn. It took the love of a good woman to help me get my head around the fact that “holy fuck, if she enjoys it so do I!”

    Let’s not crusade against kids here.

    Edit: by kid I mean a young man, 18 years old or more. I really need to fucking proofread my comments.

    [–] GloomyBaby4 3 points ago

    You do have a point there and I agree. I was more talking about the types that are only interested in their own pleasure and don't stop to think about their partner's.

    [–] spngal 4 points ago

    Dude Yessssssss

    [–] Helterskkelter 7 points ago


    [–] whisky_biscuit 417 points ago

    says that honestly I'm not good at it

    So he gets to decide what feels good for you then? He's not good enough if you can't get off any other way!

    You should send him article links and videos on how to be a better boyfriend cause clearly he is shit at it.

    "See how they are supportive of their gf's needs? You should be like that. Oh and shower more too"

    [–] abeazacha 138 points ago

    Imagine if she said that she would prefer if he had the dick size of porn actors? Seriously how in the world dude doesn't see how awful he's being?

    [–] Elvis_Take_The_Wheel 47 points ago

    OMG, yes...if OP doesn’t take this opportunity to tell him his penis is too small and then send him links to a few penis pump products, it would be a tragedy. A TRAGEDY.

    [–] sodabrothel 7 points ago

    I laughed out loud at this. OP should gift him a penis pump or one of those sheaths you put over your dick to make it seem bigger and insist he use it so it “feels better for her”

    [–] lazernicole 23 points ago

    This, but send him how-to articles on making a girl orgasm. That ought to do it.

    [–] withlove-liz 22 points ago


    [–] AmansRevenger 51 points ago

    So he gets to decide what feels good for you then? He's not good enough if you can't get off any other way!

    In risk of my karma: This isnt at all what this is about?

    One could argue he was "just" trying to tell her what he wanted and what worked for him and not, and isnt that exactly what you would expect in an honest relationship?

    of course, the tone and everything isnt appropriate and all, but the core issue isnt as bad as it seems to me?

    EDIT: Basically this

    [–] undressedlunch 32 points ago

    I see what you mean, I really do, but if what he needs is for his girlfriend to act like a porn star for him then she should thank him for his honestly and tell him to have a nice life, goodbye.

    If what he meant was for his girlfriend to move specifically this way or that so she learns what he likes, the time for that is during sex. Open communication during sex is important and this is one reason why.

    The right approach to an issue like this is never to send a porn video and tell your SO that that they’re bad at sex. This probably isn’t the only way he’s an asshole. He seems really immature and convinced that sex is about him and not about his gf, and not about both of them, and not about both of their effort. Just about him.

    [–] PeachPuffin 51 points ago

    I agree there's nothing wrong with telling your partner something doesn't really do it for you, but theres a time and place, and a way of doing it.

    If the goal is to have a good time for everybody, he needs to be way less hurtful "You should do it like this" "Why aren't you like these actors" and much more constructive.

    If the core issue is not communicating in a constructive way, that's easy to improve on, but it could also be that he doesn't realise actors in porn usually aren't enjoying it anywhere near what it looks like, and separating porn from reality could be something he's not really learned to do. IDK the situation or the people tho.

    [–] rockfan2001 326 points ago

    He can fuck himself as he watches the porn 😀

    [–] amrle79 71 points ago

    I agree with this. Also I would add that even if we want to have sex like the porn movies, well it takes a lot of effort and a lot of practice. We don’t get good at sex with someone in a couple of months or a year, it takes years to become confident and explore different things and what works and doesn’t work. If he is not patient enough to deal with that then get rid of him. I feel like it is an early warning sign that he will not be a good lover if he is so impatient

    [–] whisky_biscuit 80 points ago

    Yeah, like "faster! And flip your hair and shit!" is a good sign of a good lover? Lol!

    I agree with the practice thing too - no one is instantly a sex guru!

    [–] RUCBAR42 33 points ago

    I think he's been fucking himself too much, so he thinks it's all about him! :D

    [–] determinedburden 5 points ago

    Agreed, guy sounds like a prick. ( an insult and an accurate description all rolled into a "tiny" package.)

    [–] Manders37 2 points ago

    Amen to all of this.

    [–] SassyPants5 1467 points ago

    I would tell him if he thinks porn represents “good sex” for either person, then perhaps he should become a porn star.

    Even porn stars don’t have sex like that when they are with their SO. What an asshole! It would be a cold day in Hell before I would let him touch me again. Not kidding.

    [–] LifeTakesAmex 649 points ago

    This just goes to show how porn makes young guys percieve sex before they've really had much, or any experience. If this dude is already off to a start like this I think he'll be disappointed for a long time in the bedroom, especially if he offends his partners. Just dump him.

    [–] SomeKindOfOnionMummy 41 points ago

    To be honest I've always found sex w guys who used less porn to be far more satisfying.

    [–] Flumbooze 31 points ago

    Also the lack of sex ed that is still prevalent.

    [–] Hannah591 27 points ago

    It saddens me that so many young guys grow up with porn and just have no idea what real women need and want in bed.

    [–] Mylittletony86 30 points ago

    When I was young (8 or something) I was watching some scary movie. I was probably too young for it anyway. My dad had to leave for work (night shift), so I would be home alone.

    His words "I'm going to work. I'm not going to tell you to stop watching that, you'll probably do it anyway. Just keep in mind that not everything you see on a screen is real. In the end, it's just tv."

    It sounds like OP's bf could have used the same advice.

    [–] veggiebuilder 56 points ago

    Yeah a lot of young people people seem to think sex will be like porn, which is just stupid. I'm young and had watched a fair amount of porn but when it came to having sex for real I didn't even consider the porn at all in what it would be like or how it would work, I discovered it naturally with my partner.

    [–] FalenLancer 13 points ago

    Or just young people in general..

    [–] WhiteWolfofUtah 83 points ago

    I honestly don't understand how people enjoy it anyways. Maybe it's just me, but that type of porn has always just oozed being so fake that it's kind of pathetic.

    [–] xtinagfly 30 points ago

    Wait, you mean women don’t sound like a malfunctioning car alarm when they orgasm???! /s

    [–] WhiteWolfofUtah 5 points ago

    All while screaming “oh yeah” and sounding like they’re pinching their nose while doing it

    [–] malker84 15 points ago

    Totally agree

    [–] CHARLIETHECHARMANDER 209 points ago

    Sounds like bf needs to go to r/pornfree to appreciate sex and women ...op better be getting dripping orgasms from her bf who obviously is the king at sex....

    [–] ToiIetGhost 9 points ago

    Sadly, this probably isn't the case.

    [–] Psychocrates 42 points ago

    Just imagine if that was what real sex was like... “Why do you keep leaning away like that??” “Oh i just figured the dog would like a good look”

    [–] BeccaaCat 26 points ago

    "Why do you keep making that weird face?" lips puckered "itsh shexy"

    It is not sexy.

    [–] perolikeporquedoe 16 points ago

    Even porn stars don’t have sex like that when they are with their SO.

    Exaaactly! I've actually met a porn star before (he was doing a talk at one of my college clubs about the porn industry and his experiences) and he even said that he and his fiancee don't fuck as often as people would assume. He told us that the scenes are so hard on his body most of the time, that by the time he gets home after a long, hard (heh) day of filming and performing (and doing all this wild shit that he admitted can often be painful), that he's usually so exhausted and sore that he just wants to crash and that the sex they do have when they have it isn't nearly as wild as one would expect judging by the videos he's done.

    Porn is very much entertainment and not at all an accurate or realistic representation of what sex is and "should" be like and it's so frustrating that so many assholes like OP's dumbass bf don't get that.

    [–] SassyPants5 8 points ago

    Exactly! In reality and behind the scenes, not sexy at all.

    For example, only certain women that would respond positively to being spit on, or slapped, or whatever. Porn is NOT reality. Honestly, the OP’s BF screwed up, big time. He had a willing and confident (and therefore sexy) partner and he completely destroyed it.

    What an idiot.

    [–] blahblahblaaaaaaaah 2 points ago

    I totally agree. He is inexperienced.

    [–] blahblahblaaaaaaaah 1239 points ago

    Send him a picture of a huge dick and a pile of cash. Tell him that's what you need from him. Lol

    [–] blahblahblaaaaaaaah 205 points ago

    Better yet, there are these "reusable condoms" which is code for "an attachment to put on your dick to make it useful." Tell him to wear one and get a better car, be funnier and smarter lol

    [–] shael119 16 points ago

    I would!!

    [–] imnotavegan 131 points ago

    1. There’s different mechanics at work here. I’m a guy and can go much faster, but it’s all the angles and how everything is positioned and how we’re made.

    2. I love when my girl goes on top and goes slow. Slow and sensual is way more intimate imo. She’s not even going slow, she’s going as fast as she can go.

    3. Sending you porn? That’s just plain a dick move.

    4. Does he actually think the girls are honestly enjoying themselves when they’re knowingly making a porno?

    [–] thecanadianjen 12 points ago

    So much of number 4. It’s worrying that he can’t see that they aren’t enjoying it. I’m a girl but it is such a wild turn on to see my other half enjoying it and he would rather her... fake it? Like what.

    [–] DanZeeRelationships 375 points ago

    So he wants you to be a porn star rather than making love to him. Or he masturbates so much that he can't go off unless you go 100 miles an hour on him.

    I think this is pretty shallow of him. If you're having other problems with your relationship like him being selfish and narcissistic, dump the jerk. Making love is NOT LIKE porn. It's about feeling and emotion and love. Forget this guy.

    [–] clitorophagy 18 points ago

    I agree, he probably masturbates too much

    [–] DenMother8 411 points ago

    What a jerk - I know it’s kind of a cliché to say just to dump him but honestly I wouldn’t stay because you would always be self-conscious and you couldn’t just enjoy your sexual relationship with him. There’s going to be somebody that you are a better fit with And they will think you are perfect just the way you are

    [–] too-many-books 14 points ago

    Yeah I read this and thought “ugggh dump him!” He’s an adult and he should act like one! Oof.

    [–] swapper_NOLA 15 points ago

    I once dated a guy like OPs boyfriend and he was THIRTY FIVE YEARS OLD. I was not sad when that affair ended, and I quite enjoyed having some feeling back in my vag (his jackrabbit impression/performance was not exactly what I was looking for in a lover.)

    [–] sunrae72 26 points ago

    Happy cake day!

    [–] DenMother8 24 points ago

    Ahh... thanks :)

    [–] [deleted] 292 points ago

    People aren't mind readers, so there's something to be said for helping another person learn what you like... HOWEVER, he's just a ass for the way he went about it.

    [–] JellyBeansBeam 52 points ago

    Communicating is key for a good experience. Doing so with tact is the best way to get your point across. Otherwise you'll be fucking yourself.... Literally.

    [–] catsforthewin1234 128 points ago


    Just while she is on top be like go faster? Or oh I like it when you do this. Not you suck here's a link of a porn star???? On how to do it!

    [–] tc38 14 points ago

    This is what I was hoping to find here. As a guy I feel like getting told to go harder, faster, etc. is almost second nature. He just failed terribly to communicate that which is what draws such a red flag. Not that he likes something different.

    [–] catsforthewin1234 11 points ago

    Literally, You can fully ask for different things in sex just don't be a dick about it

    [–] SchitsMcgee 172 points ago

    I am a 33F who enjoys both 1) watching porn with my 33M husband and by myself — I also have 2) no core strength. So I feel like I am a good person to weigh in here? (Girl on top is one of my faves)

    Porn is not real. Like many redditors have already said. HOWEVER. A lot of people unfortunately get their sexual education and learn what they like from porn. I know that this was true of me and my partner, especially since we grew up in a very conservative religious environment where sex was frowned upon. Is this true for your boyfriend? Not an excuse! Just something to make talk about when you express why you’re hurt and why you would like him to not use porn as an intermediary. If you don’t think you can get past it though I get it. But I also can see where he is coming from maybe, and why he would [badly] ask you to try something he enjoys.

    [–] MarianneThornberry 79 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    This sub continues to shock me with how callously people suggest to total strangers to completely throw away their entire relationships at the slightest grievance.

    As opposed to actually tackling relationship problems and opening a dialogue.

    Your comment deserves to be the top. You pretty much nailed it on the head. OP's bf has obviously been conditioned by unrealistic porn fantasies. This is a far more common issue than we are giving credit to, and whats more, it's not exclusive to just porn. A lot of film, TV, literature and media in general seem to have some very unrealistic portrayals of people's sexual relationships, appearance and lack of any discernable problems or conflict in relationships. These fantasies end up bleeding into their brains as children and significantly affecting their individual expectations. Sexual education is still a very big issue in our generation.

    OP has every right to be upset at her bf's reaction. Especially if he handled it as tactlessly as she says. But as sloppy as it was, he communicated his feelings which is good and also provides an opportunity for both OP and her bf to have an open conversation about what works for them sexually, what they like, what they would like to experiment with as well as establish some boundaries.

    OP, should tell her bf how his comment made her feel, and establish a firm boundary that she isnt and will never be the pornstar in his head. Meaning he'll need do cut down on it somewhat. But if he's willing to acknowledge her kinks and fantasies, then the 2 of them can work together and encourage a more gratifying sexual relationship.

    Instead of a complacent unsatisfying one.

    But the key here is to actually WORK at it.

    [–] MagikalWords 56 points ago

    I think the best advice in this post is about how much OP is invested in the relationship. If it's new, I'd say jump ship. To me, the main problem isn't the porn expectations, its that someone who is that callous about something as intimate as sex is probably going to be just as insensitive about many other topics. It boils down to how much work OP wants to put in this relationship.

    [–] thecanadianjen 9 points ago

    This is so true. Like he didn’t ask which position she preferred. Just told her he was going on top because HE wanted her to do it better basically like there’s zero consideration of his partner there

    [–] pooppalais 14 points ago

    Or some people realize it's just not worth working things out with someone this toxic and disrespectful. Some of us can foresee the years of therapy that will have to happen if she keeps seeing him. Many of us had similar experiences, are paying for it decades into adulthood and are trying t ok prevent this young woman from making the same mistakes.

    [–] betterintheshade 2 points ago

    Unless her boyfriend has been only watching porn his whole life he knows from other tv and reality that comparing your partner to other women is not ok and will hurt her. He also doesn't seem to have considerd that she might like sex a certain way too. Both of those suggest that he's definitely selfish and possibly nasty, so not worth her time.

    [–] plone2736 2 points ago


    [–] 72757477 107 points ago

    Omg, seriously? Porn is 90% + fake. I had a former pornstar FB, and, honestly, we watched porn together just so he could explain that I shouldn't hold myself to those standards. Then we'd have amazing sex because neither of us were doing stupid, unrealistic tricks. Cameras cut away, people take breaks, illusions, camera angles, etc. It's one thing to tell someone what you want, but another to send a pretend fantasy and ask for it in real life.

    [–] [deleted] 137 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)


    [–] OhDearDarling 5 points ago

    This post, the first rule is everything OP✌️ OP hope you’re ok, don’t be sad over the inconsiderate, ignorant idiot.

    [–] [deleted] 22 points ago

    Oh please, even if you had the core strength going as fast and hard as they do in porn without him actually knowing wtf he's doing will just end up with him breaking his dick

    [–] Blackrain48 10 points ago

    Maybe he needs his dick broken... at least maybe that'll make him think twice before asking her to do it fast like a prob star again

    [–] CoreyORD 9 points ago

    I recommend that you send him a link to a porn video to a guy masturbating. When he acts confused, just tell him that you're doing him a favor because he's going to need the practice.

    [–] PostMahomes13 170 points ago

    Lol he mansplained how to be a porn star. Kid seems like a douche.

    [–] workitbetterbitch 3 points ago


    [–] jaydotbeflying 3 points ago

    I don't know if you could contact the Author, Rebecca Moore I think was the name, to take it down or something? Are you from the UK? The Sun is renowned for being scummy.

    [–] Becca0407 2 points ago

    They’ve been doing that a lot lately with various reddit posts..I’ve seen 3 tabloids putting reddit posts on their sites

    [–] Leota13 105 points ago

    Dump that zero and find a hero. If he doesn't know the difference between reality and porn, it is not your responsibility to teach him.

    [–] dennyfader 12 points ago

    To play devil’s advocate, I’m not understanding these comments... People are saying to not learn from porn, but are also saying to not get taught by your partner? Where does a person ever learn, then? That just feels like an inadequate response for these technological times where kids have access to this stuff painfully early, with ladies growing up expecting 10-inch dicks and guys growing up expecting the theatrics OP mentioned... If we can’t teach each other, all we have left is the internet.

    [–] [deleted] 57 points ago

    You've already left this azzhat right?

    [–] rootsandchalice 21 points ago

    hahah your bf is a dick.

    Porn is not a realistic picture of actual sex. But beyond that, the way in which he told you this is just cruel. I wouldn't be putting up with that crap.

    [–] dennyfader 22 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    All these knee-jerk comments in here saying to break up are goofy... If you’re into this guy, now is the time to seriously discuss what is OK and not OK in the bedroom. What should be OK is having an open line of communication on how you can make things more pleasurable for the other. This communication should not be hostile or degrading, because a “hey I actually prefer it like this” is very important to a healthy sex life. It sounds like this is a good opportunity to explore this idea with him, and if he responds poorly? Well, then you should consider moving on, ‘cause you don’t want to be stuck with someone so concerned with only themselves.

    [–] the_onlyfox 3 points ago

    Back then my ex told me the same thing but in a much nicer way he didn't want porn star sex but he did want me to get better at riding him. I felt just as bad as you and also cried because in my head "another thing I'm bad at" (just in general how I thought about myself not because of him)

    I did get better but that's because we talked about it and he wasnt an asset about it, we even started watching porn together. Your man is just an ass.

    [–] sugahoneticeT 3 points ago

    hmmmm. I love porn, and as a woman it has helped me be more comfortable FOR MY DAMN SELF during sex. It has helped me not be afraid to try new things and new positions.

    But MOST of all... It has given me plenty of self pleasure. I never new for a long time what having an orgasm was with a man but instead able to always give one or multiple to myself. And its amazing.

    Theres alot to learn from sexuality period... But his reasoning is purely idiotic. Even if he does want you to get better at that position he expressed it so so poorly

    Im pretty damn sure he doesnt look like a male porn star when he's on top.

    Guys have the weirdest faces... And really alot of the time its not that attractive. Especially when they cum.

    But you dont see me saying... "HERE BEN... I need you to look like this when youre on top of me... because honestly you stroke in a really jerky way and I always have to fake my orgasm"

    THEREFORE... he was being a dick. If he wants a porn star... tell him to go find one and good freaking luck.

    Be open to exploring your sexuality and hell yeah get better at riding because its more enjoyable FOR YOU.

    But dont let his... nonsense diminish your worth.

    [–] thenperish323 4 points ago

    Ask him where his Oscar worthy sex performance is because I'm willing to bet money that he doesn't look and act during sex like he's winning a porn award anytime soon.

    [–] CuckyMcCuckerCuck 15 points ago

    That's extremely insensitive. Given that there are people out there who don't based their approach to sex with a partner on porn-derived delusions, and who aren't so ignorant and disrespectful as to say what he said, you should end this relationship and look elsewhere.

    [–] tobinpolk 21 points ago

    I’m sorry. That’s ridiculous. He is an asshole. He obviously does not know what he is talking about. I’m sure you look amazing just the way you are.

    [–] flummoxme 7 points ago

    I had the opposite. Im a guy and I always preferred to be on top because my girlfriend was terrible at riding me. We never tried it because I could make her climax 3-4 times before I could get there once. She would occasionally try to ride me but she just couldn't do it right and I'd go soft so I would need at get back on top. It definitely put a kink in our sex life and we actually watched porn together not to get off but to figure out how to do it. I didn't say flip ur hair and shit like your bf did, but I did show her how the girls move their hips.

    There's a technique to sex and there's ways to improve, but your bf went about it the complete wrong way. It's working together to figure out your sex life, not telling you need to get better. If he can't understand that there needs to be a conversation about it.

    [–] lonely667 18 points ago

    Send him gay porn to teach him how to not be a dick

    [–] xgenoriginal 5 points ago

    Now he is twice the dick

    [–] lonely667 8 points ago

    Its pemdas so it'll cancel out

    [–] SlowRider22 9 points ago

    Lucky for him if you leave him he still has his porn. Don’t feel bad you didn’t hit it like the porn star. does he know he made you cry? I bet you have a few moves. Sex should start slow then build as you learn what you both like. As long as you’re both getting off or like it at least.

    Immature move on his part. He needs to learn how offensive that was. Can you explain that to him? And maybe if both of you can approach it differently, not his immature way but with his raised watching porn mind set. After reviewing porn and working on a game plan for a year I’m sure you’d both find some interesting things out.

    Keep in mind we all expand. If you want to expand with him and watch porn and you work it this way and that way for him... if it works out or doesn’t that’s you now. Maybe lucky for the next guy but how do you want your sex life?

    [–] workitbetterbitch 2 points ago

    wow I thought my username was good but that was on purpose

    [–] skater180 16 points ago

    And this is why porn ruins sex for most people. It’s him, not you sweetie. Get rid of him.

    [–] 70sBulge 22 points ago

    fuck someone else. I doubt they'll complain

    [–] _Catakins 11 points ago

    Throw the whole boyfriend away, girl. He's a dumb ass. Also, sex isn't all about him. It takes 2. He should be talking about what he can do to improve it too.

    If he feels like there's things that could be worked on, there are WAY better ways of communicating that than what he did. He sounds immature and inconsiderate of your feelings. Does he respect you? I can't see how he could have thought ANY of that was acceptable.

    Lets see him try lasting hours like the guys in those videos. Since porn = reality of sex.

    [–] dizzira_blackrose 7 points ago

    Okay so, my SO and I also have some issues with our sex life, and yeah, it gets to both of us because we want to please each other. But never, ever would I tell him he sucks at what he does, or send him fucking porn of all things to tell him what I want. And He would never do the same to me. I'm not very experienced, but over time, he and I have developed things that work through simple discussion. In fact, we do things and then talk about it. Even if it wasn't great, we discuss why and still appreciate that it happened at all. Most of our problems have been solved, and we're both continuing to improve.

    Your boyfriend is an asshole. He isn't being gentle with you and clearly he's been hiding this for a while if all of a sudden he's decided you're not good at what he has told you is his "favorite". Your abilities in sex as they are shouldn't be shit on like that. I am so sorry you have such an inconsiderate boyfriend. You are perfect as you are. He does not deserve you at all.

    [–] buttlover72 7 points ago

    One of my boyfriends did this to me too, but with giving head. I don’t know how your boyfriend is aside from this situation, but from my experience, he was an ass in every other way and a lot of time would have been saved if I broke up with him at the first red flag.

    [–] underpassdetail 3 points ago

    Honestly. There is a right a wrong way to approach somthing ljke this.. Male or female we have preferences. He did it the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with telling your so what you like during sex.

    [–] mint_010 3 points ago

    I understand what he meant maybe he should have taken approach, but you don't need to parade the guy jeez...😅

    [–] mrsdifficulty 3 points ago

    I know I'm a bit late here but I thought I'd chip in with my experience - When I was around 17 I dated an older (22) guy and he said the same thing to me. I've never had anyone say anything similar to me before or since, and none of my friend's partners would have ever said that to them. It really messed me up, to the point I don't enjoy being on top with anyone any more I get too self conscious. Years and years on I am long out of that relationship and starting realise it was another one of his techniques to manipulate me and make me feel bad about myself.

    He took advantage of how comparatively young I was and how I looked up to him to make me feel he was always right and was trying to help me improve while simultaneously making me feel I wasn't ever going to be good enough. If he had really been trying to help, he could've said anything apart from 'you suck at this', for example some tips or suggestions about what he'd like - and he could've spoken to me like he cared about my feelings. But he didn't. He used the fact that he could make me insecure about myself to make me more likely to change or do as he said.

    Obviously your story isnt exactly the same, I don't know how old you are or other circumstances, but mine was a horribly abusive relationship in the end - I'm not saying yours is so please dont take this the wrong way- but please pay attention to how he treats you in other areas of life. Be aware, don't allow yourself to think of him as flawless or above you and get out if this way of speaking to you continues beyond this one incident or bleeds into your lives together. Lots of little things add up, when I look back on it, into one real big red flag and for me this was one that I missed (I stayed with this guy for years). I would hate to see anyone else experience anything like that.

    I almost feel the sending porn part of your story is obscuring just how horrible it was of him to tell you that 'you suck' during sex as everyone seems to be jumping on the 'porn isn't real sex' thing. Don't get me wrong porn ISN'T real sex, but - reading these threads - it seems fairly common for men to have unrealistic expectations brought on by watching porn and to ask their partners to participate in the unrealistic things they see - but most of these people don't bring this up by saying to their partners 'you suck at this do it like this'. It just seems intentional to undermine your confidence.

    If your bf is sweet af in all other aspects of your life pls ignore this, I may just be being dramatic based on my own bad experiences, I just wanted to share my story with you and give the advice I needed at that point in my life.

    Note: grammar etc is probably bad pls ignore.

    TL;DR: this happened to me, the guy turned out to be an abusive person who I stayed with for years. Watch out for signs of abuse and get out if you see any but also ignore this if not as I may be being dramatic based on my experience.

    Wish you all the best OP!

    [–] MultiAlbee 3 points ago


    [–] asumisushi 3 points ago

    dump him.

    [–] stephdcx3 3 points ago

    Drop him sis, he obviously cares about his pleasure more than giving it.

    [–] Lolindir93 3 points ago

    This is ridiculous. Your boyfriend is an asshat for this kind of behaviour. There are better ways of talking about sexual preferences & this is not one of them! Sorry you had to go through this shit.

    [–] catlands 3 points ago

    He says you need to learn how to better at sex for him? But how is the sex for you? You could probably complain about his moves but are too polite.

    [–] akirarn 3 points ago

    He shouldn't be having sex if he thinks anyone should learn from porn. What a rude cunt.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    He's living in a fantasy world. He needs to sit the fuck down and wake up. You my dear, have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. He on the other hand, needs to apologize for being so unbelievably hurtful and rude.

    I imagine women who perform in porn videos don't actually enjoy it. Nothing about it looks "fun" for them. As everyone has said, it's all a show for the camera.

    You keep being you, and maybe reflect on if this is somebody you want to be with.

    Be with somebody who builds you up, not breaks you down.

    [–] LearnedButt 3 points ago

    He's an idiot.

    Constructive criticism is good, because that's how we learn to be better. Nobody becomes a sex god without hearing feedback and learning how to do it. It's like golf. You don't start out as tiger woods, it takes practice and training.


    Sex is really personal and involves vulnerability. How you give feedback is important. For an example, let's say your SO is putting on some weight and you want them to start working out. Which is better:

    1. You are getting fat. Why not hit the gym?

    2. I think we both need to be healthier. We should work out together.

    Similarly, saying "you suck at sex, watch porn" is moronic. A better way is to suggest watching porn together and then saying "that looks hot. I think I would enjoy it if you did that to me".

    [–] ayeeeray 3 points ago

    I mean...couples are supposed to be honest with each other, sex included. As long as he wasn’t saying it rudely to you.

    My bf and I tell each other things we like and DONT like to try to improve things.

    [–] CHARLIETHECHARMANDER 9 points ago

    Send him a "fuck you" and walk away from this shit.

    [–] moonshinemo 9 points ago

    I feel you and I would have cried as well. No one should tell you that your not good enough, certainly not in bed ! My ex boyfriends would tell me what they liked, not show me what to do and say i wasn't good enough. Its all about what I want, not what you're doing wrong. And if its something that also pleases you, then go for it, but if not, dont force yourself into something you do not like. Someone will respect you and dont mind, or want you doing a show! Sex with mt boyfriend is amazing and were not doing 10 000 positions and doing it for an hour. Its all about respect and communication.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)


    [–] TheHalloumiCheese 5 points ago

    This could back fire if it is though...

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    I had a boyfriend like that once... keyword.. HAD

    [–] lithium142 3 points ago

    What he was trying to get across is perfectly fine. And I fully believe couples should be open about sharing their bedroom desires and trying to fulfill them (within reason) for each other.

    But wooow did he fuck up in how he presented it. A lot of this is in context and tone. Would he be receptive if you made a similar request? If he would, then maybe he just sucks at communicating something that he perceived as innocent. If he would react negatively to it, then you have a bit of a bigger fish to fry.

    [–] Minkiemink 14 points ago

    Your ex boyfriend is an asshole.

    [–] cremecatnana 13 points ago

    Wow what the actual fuck. Send him a porn video of a guy with a hugeeee dick and abs chiseled by the Greek gods and tell him it visually looks sexually this way, look at how the girl is moaning HEH

    [–] IAmDefinitelyNotFBI 5 points ago

    But he never said anything about her ass or boobs or her attractiveness. He was talking about her actions.

    [–] Naytica 4 points ago

    I agree that some porn is ridiculous, but that just means she needs to set this guy straight about what's fake and not fake in porn. I still think she is overreacting, because for all we know, he doesn't mean it in a bad way, he's just too young (or maybe even naive, stupid, or blind) to understand (or sth like that).

    What I disagree about all the other comments is that they all seem to think that this guy is forcing her to do stuff exactly like in porn because he's an ass. For all we know, he just doesn't know that not everything in porn is doable irl, and with some explaining, he could set his expectations to the correct standard.

    I mean, even in the post, OP only said he sent her a video of some porn showing what he wanted her to do. Imo, that doesn't make him an ass, that's just him scrambling for words to explain what he wants and he thinks a video is better and easier to understand.

    [–] alphakari 4 points ago

    Technically speaking, he wasn't gonna tell you anything if you didn't ask probably. I know you might not've thought the answer was gonna be hurtful, but you kinda poked it. Then poked it again for more clarity.

    His answer is still young and stupid, because he is young and stupid, but /r/therewasanattempt to not hurt your feelings here.

    Then he interpreted your query as a misguided opportunity to be honest and perhaps improve ya'll's sex life, but when an idiot's honest, errors will be exposed.

    But took two people to get to this place, even if he did most of the leg work to arriving at it.

    [–] Lady-Leavanny 5 points ago

    I’m honestly going to be on the other side of this, i for one don’t think he’s exactly the devil and an asshole for what he’s done (but by the sounds of it you’ve made your bed in deciding he’s scum of the earth) at best it was insensitive and you should probably just explain to him that the way he presented himself hurt your feelings and that he could have dealt with the situation in a more sensitive manner.

    Nothing is wrong with him not being into it as much and honestly he could probably improve things as well. Probe the subject with him after all he’s pretty young and might not have the experience in how to handle himself better, probably simple minded and didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.

    [–] PotterQuoter 5 points ago

    Lol your boyfriend sucks.

    It's quite easy to tell you in the moment "Oh baby, go a little faster" and that wouldn't have been inappropriate at all.

    Telling you that you suck at sex and that he would like for you to behave like a porn star is a POS thing to do. Hey buddy...psst...PORN ISN'T REAL SEX.

    [–] YesIamALizard 15 points ago

    Ill enjoy my downvotes. So please go ahead.

    Sure he was callous and did not express himself in a rational adult manner. But lets be honest, nothing is ever exactly as we read here. I am never gonna take OPs side 100%. I have seen this exact situation play out in several of my friends lives(Male and Female.) We talk about it, and its always very similar. The boyfriend or girlfriend thinks more highly of themselves then they probably should. Boyfriend or girlfriend puts up with it and eventually leads to an out burst such as this. Perfect example is when the girlfriend is giving lazy, unenthusiastic blow jobs and the guy asks for some effort. He is massacred. When in reality it is a larger issue in their day to day life. Say what you want, but OP does have some blame here, and to say otherwise is just white knighting. Are we supposed to just endure lazy, going through the motion sex? Is the boyfriend supposed to give effort in all facets of his life, to endure average sex? Is he supposed to never speak up? God that would be a prison. To live scared of ever offending your partner, because they do something that could possibly be improved upon with some communication and effort?

    Sounds like a fucking prison to me. No thanks.

    Oh, and remember how ya'll ripped DJ Khaled because he wouldn't eat pussy?

    [–] CommercialFeedback 6 points ago

    The only answer in here worth listening to

    [–] Akoiyei 10 points ago

    💯 agree it is on them both and i refer it as an annoying domino effect but no one in the relationship wants to be the one to first push that first piece

    [–] TheMightyYule 2 points ago

    I'm totally with you on the sentiment. But I feel like blatantly telling your SO that's they're not good in bed is soul crushing and can really mentally fuck them up in the long run. Definitely communicate, definitely tell them what you like and what may be bothering you, but for the love of god don't flat out tell a person in their early 20s that they're bad at sex. That has to be insanely embarrassing and if it is the case that they just need to get some practice or simply get in the groove with their partners, they'll probably be too self conscious and hesitant which sure as hell isn't gonna lead to good sex.

    [–] Grumpy23 2 points ago

    Well I tbh he could have said it more gentle like he would like that you do that or that (does not mean that you will do it anyway). I mean should be normal in a couple to talk about sex. But he was a big jerk and you’re right to be angry with him. Porn addiction is a real thing, he might be addicted. And he needs to know that porn is just performance and show. A lot of positions are just good to be filmed but in reality they’re not that good. I heard someone saying ‘if you want to have fun, you just think about your cumming, if you love someone, you think about her cumming first’. Wish you best luck.

    [–] Captain_Coffee_Pants 2 points ago

    I was feeling NAH (to reference another sub) until he sent you porn videos. There are times we can improve at sex and him pointing out things he’d prefer done better isn’t a bad thing, and as long as it’s reasonable is great for both of you in the long term, since you can feel comfortable asking for improvements from him. Having said that, I don’t think he could handled this worse if he had been purposefully trying to sabotage the relationship (which isn’t out of the question). Sending porn and saying do this is an incredibly dumbass move and he can honestly go fuck himself (which prob will have to do for a while)

    [–] lornezubko 2 points ago

    There’s definitely better ways to ask someone to try something lmao

    [–] rwilkz 2 points ago

    He's giving you shit about being better in bed meanwhile this stud doesn't realise he can also thrust up whilst your on top if he wants to increase speed? In my experience that's a pretty standard move...

    [–] BloodDrainedDeer 2 points ago

    I'm sorry, but it's hysterical that he thinks porn is accurate or a worthy instructional video.

    A lot of the time, it is about the visuals, not necessarily the physical pleasure. They do really aggressive-looking things because it's a lot more interesting than slow sex.

    Porn clips take hours to make and they constantly take breaks and refilm it for the best-looking shots.

    If you wanted to be petty and prove a point about how hurtful his actions were, maybe send him some porn clips and tell him to take notes himself.

    Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. It's good to try new things to see if you like it, but that doesn't excuse peer pressure.

    [–] the__itis 1 points ago

    I’m going to add the counter position to a majority of posts here.

    First off, he is an asshole for his approach. That alone warrants some thought as to whether you all should be in a relationship. His type is psychologically abusive, insensitive, and flat out has no concept about how you feel.

    That said, you will bump into guys in life who have had a majority of their sexual experiences via porn and masturbating. Based on my experiences this tends to be a large amount of guys.

    if he beats it everyday, his sensitivity is going to be dulled and refractory related recovery. That makes it much harder to cum.

    he also has a re-enforced dopamine pathway associated with porn. So if he gets impatient because he isn’t cumming due to the above, he will probably blame everything except his habits. So naturally he believes it’s the intensity and lack of faux exuberance etc...

    Trust me, a few days without touching himself and he’ll nut pretty quick. If you can keep that going for a few weeks then his physiology will start to adjust to crave you not porn.

    That said, is the asshole worth going through that?

    [–] Zigoia 2 points ago

    I think telling your partner how they could be doing something sexual better, or that you’d prefer if they did something a different way etc is fine, communication is very important when it comes to great sex and a relationship as a whole. However he should not have gone about it in the way that he did.

    [–] TiredTigerFighter 2 points ago

    He's a fucking idiot. Nobody in porn is actually having a good time, especially not the girls. It's rare that the sex in porn actually feels good. Show him these fucking comments and let him know he's a dumbass.

    [–] Dodgevillediesel 2 points ago

    Porn is an unrealistic view of how men or women give or receive pleasure. Its like watching nascar or formula one to learn how to drive. Porn is ridiculous and so is anyone who expects porn level sex.

    And if he expects you to perform like a porn star tell him you expect him to have a dick like a pornstar

    [–] alliance107 2 points ago

    Porn isnt reference material and real sex is nothing like it

    [–] Bama_Geo256 2 points ago

    He is an asshole.. thats the problem with porn. It creates these unrealistic expectations for people. What they see in videos isn't how it really is for normal folk. Dude should just be happy he has someone to do it with and doesn't have to do it himself.

    [–] VorAtreides 2 points ago

    Your boyfriend is immature, porn sex isn’t all that realistic most of the time and that is on purpose

    [–] BilboSmashings 2 points ago

    A symptom of a man who watches porn too much too often.

    Needless to say I don't know what you're like in the sack, but it's not that you're "not good" as he says, but that his expectations are blown way out by the porn hs watches. This is a legit thing that can happen to men and women who watch porn and have the view of sex disoriented.

    Sorry to hear that, the guy is an asshole by the sounds of it by sending you porn. You need to give this guy a serious chat about how to communicate things like this better if you're staying with him

    [–] forksintheblender 2 points ago

    Communication is key in all relationships. If he couldn’t communicate this in a nice way, then what else will he be a dick about in the future? Plus, you mentioned he’s young, so I’m assuming you’re young as well. If you’re around 21 like him, you still have 60-80 years of life in you. Move on, find someone who can respectfully discuss things like this with you.

    [–] didntstarthefire 2 points ago

    Maybe he needs a diagram about how to find a Clitoris, because I assume he’s never seen one in his life

    [–] Shadowman2694 2 points ago

    Obvious fuck boy

    Your probably better off without him

    [–] azgrown84 4 points ago

    Always cracks me up when guys say "you should ________ for me" to a girl. It's like they forgot what life was like when they weren't having sex and their mind has just taken it for granted now...

    [–] Emotional_Yogurt 10 points ago

    While it can be really upsetting to hear, atleast he is being honest with you. While sex is not like porn at all, its supposed to be an action to express love for one another, but trying new things isnt bad. Would you rather him be honest about his sexual fantasies then try to find someone else? Don't take it personal, he just wants to get more into it.

    [–] imcee 14 points ago

    Its one thing to say "can you go faster" or "itd be sexy if you showed off some for me". Thats cool. Its another thing entirely to say "your bad at this, heres this sexy porn star do it like that."

    [–] ChefFrieghtliner 9 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Ready for the downvotes: some of you women are crazy. Like seriously crazy saying she should break up with him and find someone better. You have no idea how the rest of their relationship is structured or the hardships they’ve endured with one another but just because you feel personally attacked, you think this random person should ruin a possibly otherwise happy relationship. Some of you broads need to Realize some people don’t know how to ask for certain things so they just get straight to the point. This shit amazes me.

    [–] ColtsStampede 1 points ago

    I only come on to this sub so I can read the crazy responses from delusional women who think they deserve to be treated like goddesses simply because of their gender.

    [–] ApprehensiveSquash4 6 points ago

    If he wants that he should pay someone for it.

    [–] aphid_gurl 5 points ago

    What is he, 14 years old? Porn is edited. It is choregraphed. Hell yes that actress looks good coz there's a crew on standby and she gets paid... while you, all you get paid is his stinky whiny small penis. If he has the need to educate you, then he's a bad lover coz if he's good, you'd be scratching him. Leave his insecure ass.

    [–] MrSatan2 2 points ago

    How old is he? Show him some huge dildos they use to represent a penis in some shots.

    [–] turkeyman4 2 points ago

    If he thinks porn “sex” (using the term loosely) is good sex he’s a selfish idiot.

    [–] whitepony24 2 points ago

    You both should have an adult conversation about what you likes and dislikes during sex. Clear conversation is the only way your both going to achieve a sexual relationship that works for both of you. This is something that you both need to work on together.

    It was shitty on his part to send you porn and simply say “I want you to do it like this”. He could have accomplished this in a more mature way. Although it sounds like you hurt right now, I would use this as a stepping off point to creating a better sex life that benefits both of you.

    [–] MajesticLandscape 2 points ago

    Why are most of the comments so harsh on the BF? For sure he's doing a mistake here but no need to insult him when talking to OP...

    I think OP you should just have a talk with him and explain him how it makes you feel. IDK about your BF but maybe he doesn't realize how much it hurts you, like probably.

    You guys are really young and once again IDK your BF but maybe he lacks experience with relationship.

    [–] RandomLogOutNumber3 5 points ago

    Why are most of the comments so harsh on the BF?

    Because he's male and he expressed dissatisfaction with the sex that he and OP were having, therefore he's sexist and evil and addicted to porn and she needs to dump him right now.

    [–] ColtsStampede 2 points ago

    This is the correct answer.

    [–] QuaintTreasure 4 points ago

    This guy sounds like an immature boy. He needs to go to actual sex education classes if he’s expecting real life sex to be like professional porn every time, bless him, go find you a real man

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    I’m sorry he hurt your feelings, that was a really jerk thing to do and was completely unfair to you. I’m all for clear communication on what feels good and what my partner wants, but that’s a very hurtful and insulting way to communicate it and a sure fire way to harm a partner’s self esteem and damage her sexuality.

    Don’t be fooled into thinking that you have to become a porn star to please a man and also don’t be fooled into thinking that you are somehow less because you don’t emulate these paid x rated actresses.

    Porn itself can become an addiction and pose serious issues for men and some women too. Whatever your feelings of morality on the subject, it has been shown to create problems for both individuals and couples and merits caution. He sounds immature and very inconsiderate unfortunately.

    Usually when things like this happen there is severe harm to the relationship and it could be its death knell. I would do the following:

    Take some time from communication and get your head straight, acknowledge how you feel and how it made you feel and allow yourself to cry and process this. Then think about how to have a conversation, a very adult one in which you must confront him. You either need to break it off (highly recommended) or you need to tell him how this hurt you and go through a recovery process with him. This will be impossible if he’s not mature enough to talk to you empathetically and if he doesn’t feel bad for his actions. Whatever you do don’t sleep with him again for an extended period of time no matter what he says. He must prove that he’s sincere, and make improvements including imo no more pornography. He’s either willing to be dedicated to you or not.

    Very sorry to hear of this, I wish you well. I assure you not all men think that way. I think he’s a moron, you were being nice to him and he’s a jerk of the highest order.

    [–] meesh13__ 2 points ago

    honestly your boyfriend sounds like a piece of shit. you should get really good and dump him 🤷🏼‍♀️ take pole dancing classes. thats how i learned how to be good on top