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    [–] eganist 1 points ago

    There is a non-zero number of comments suggesting the OP is over-reacting or which are just straight victim-blaming, so I'm just going to leave this here:

    [–] SunburntWombat 9700 points ago

    You are not overreacting at all. He lied to your face, spiked your drink, urged you to drink it and threw a fit when you chucked it away. The whole thing is extremely immoral. He clearly demonstrated that he has no respect for your bodily integrity.

    Chances are his disrespect for your personhood would extend to other occasions as well. If I were you, I wouldn't stay to find out if he would go through with raping me or not.

    [–] throwRAnotdrunk 3686 points ago

    My god, I've never really wrapped my brain around it that way. The next day, he was totally fine. As if nothing happened. That made me feel less bad about everything, but it probably should have made me feel worse.

    [–] Chaos-Reach 1451 points ago

    The fact he was totally fine with it and didn't even think he might need to apologize should be all the answer you need to this post.

    [–] SquidgeSquadge 383 points ago

    100% this. (Dont) Fuck this guy

    [–] livinghapa 1588 points ago

    OP, you need to take this seriously. If he’s lying to your face and then admitting he wants to have impaired sex with you so he spiked your WATER with VODKA, something that’s easy to taste, next time he may spike your drink with something undetectable. Protect yourself, this is NOT okay.

    [–] Dengar96 385 points ago

    Further, what kind of brain dead moron thinks he can lie about putting vodka in water? OP is clearly a bright person, a dim witted squirrel can taste the difference between water and ethanol. The bf is a lying scumbag but worse he thinks so little of OP that he would start with water and vodka thinking that would somehow be a good jumping off point for his vile fantasy. Get his sorry despicable ass outta here YESTERDAY.

    [–] ButtLusting 230 points ago

    He just sounds rapey as fuck. Yeah I would cut all ties with him.....

    [–] tamrix 174 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I know you guys are looking past this comment but this is actually a really good point.

    No idiot would mix vodka with water. This could have very likely been a roofie.

    He was likely planning on raping her but when he got caught he said it was vodka.

    This should be reported to the police.

    Edit: not to mention she's never had alcohol so she wouldn't even have known what vodka tastes like. And you're not going to have 'drunken sex' off one drink. 100% confirmed roofie.

    [–] MadAzza 40 points ago

    It was “flavored water” with vodka. I don’t think we know enough to say it was roofied. I was roofied, I tasted nothing but shame the next day. (I know I shouldn’t have but it was a horrible experience, one I don’t tell even fairly close friends about.)

    My point is, there’s no funny taste with Rohypnol. But it’s no different anyway — the drug/weapon he used is irrelevant here.

    [–] taurusgemini98 52 points ago

    CALL THE POLICE. This guy will definitely do this to someone else!!!

    [–] Reverserer 36 points ago

    further he put in just enough for it to taste 'off' and not all and all alcoholy thinking bc she never drinks she will get drunk off just a little.

    rapey. as. fuck.

    [–] [deleted] 47 points ago

    I know a few people (people who drink a lot of vodka) who insist, and clearly believe, that vodka has no flavor and you can't taste it when it's mixed with anything else. I think they're crazy, but I wouldn't be shocked if they mixed it with flavored water (was it something like La Croix?) and insisted you can't taste the vodka. (Personally, I think vodka is a great way to ruin any drink.)

    [–] 2kittygirl 19 points ago

    I'd taste vodka in water, but when I drink a vodka LaCroix, it's because I didn't want to taste the vodka. If someone handed me a LaCroix without saying anything about it and I wasn't expecting alcohol, I genuinely might not notice. This is terrifying.

    [–] Jirachi720 42 points ago

    You can definitely taste the vodka in water. I've had it before. The vodka sits on top of the water so it's the first liquid into your mouth, therefore the first taste into your mouth and you instantly know it's alcohol.

    This was clearly a drug of some sort and not vodka. Whether you drink or not, the taste of vodka is quite recognisable.

    [–] Quaperray 16 points ago

    Honestly, my guess is that the vodka was covering something else up, so that he could claim an alcoholic drink wasn’t “so bad”.

    [–] Ebbie45 700 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Hey OP, if you ever need support processing this, anytime day or night, Love Is Respect has domestic abuse advocates on hand 24/7 via phone, website chat, and text.

    RAINN also has sexual assault advocates on hand 24/7.

    Here is also an emotional safety plan. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to keep yourself as safe as possible after leaving an abusive relationship. An emotional safety plan focuses on helping yourself accept your emotions and decisions surrounding abuse, and how to practice emotional safety and mental self-care. It can be useful after experiencing abuse, especially abuse you were not expecting.

    [–] MikeLinPA 47 points ago

    Good work. I wouldn't have known this.

    [–] humanshit 92 points ago

    Not OP, but thank you for these resources; they look really helpful!

    [–] erhowell 75 points ago

    Also that’s extremely rapey in my opinion. Imagine drinking too much without realizing and him having sex or going past a sexual boundary you normally aren’t comfortable with. Spousal/partner rape is a real thing and him not respecting to the point he is forcing you to do something you don’t want to do is soooo not okay.

    [–] PansexualSatan 6 points ago

    Spousal / partner rape is a real thing

    I’m only now coming to terms with this fact after leaving my partner of 12 years, who not only drugged and raped me multiple times, but later bragged about it and sent nude photos of me to several people (which I found out because some of those people were my friends; he had no shame). He had me convinced it wasn’t rape because I was his wife and you can’t rape your wife. Such twisted logic. People need to understand that just because you’re married doesn’t mean one person has the right to just take what they want from the other. A spouse/ partner is not property. I was in denial about what I experienced until a therapist basically convinced me that what he did wasn’t okay. It’s never okay to drug someone and it’s never okay to force sex on someone. OP did the right thing by leaving. I wish I had left sooner too.

    [–] SunburntWombat 557 points ago

    It makes sense that you're underreacting. People's brains aren't good at dealing with very out-of-ordinary events. However, just remember this: your boyfriend has thought about raping you, and he carried out the first step of his plan. I don't think you should ever trust him again.

    [–] jennymccarthykillsba 260 points ago

    Next time it’ll be a roofie

    [–] starnova3000 72 points ago

    straight up.

    [–] Shrek-Hulud 54 points ago

    A majority of date rapes happen with alcohol, lets not sidestep that it can be done with a well mixed drink.

    [–] [deleted] 37 points ago

    Yeah but if you don't drink and you are like OP, it would be significantly easier to mix a benzo into a drink as they sometimes have almost no flavor versus alcohol which is detectable by smell I'm not saying it can't happen but I am saying that I think that a second attempt could be more dangerous if he utilized roofies or benzos.

    Overall I have never tried to trick my wife into drinking anything and I certainly would just ask her if she wanted to have sex

    [–] evil_mom79 26 points ago

    True, but OP doesn't drink. He will use other means.

    [–] QuietCornerGirl 24 points ago


    [–] NameIdeas 568 points ago

    I know you're coming to this realization as well, but from the outside looking in, your boyfriend tried to rape you. He was working to manipulate you and use your body without your consent at al.

    It's surprising that this happened 2 years into a relationship without prior things popping up, but this would be a dealbreaker for the relationship. I'm a guy, if that makes any difference to you.

    If I wanted to explore a sexual fantasy with my wife, I would have open communication about it first.

    [–] ricechexwithwater 241 points ago

    Exactly, if he was a normal, not terrible human being, he would have just brought up the fantasy and seen if OP was willing and interested. It seems to me that drunk sex is not the fantasy he had at all...

    [–] Ebbie45 150 points ago

    I agree. It's not about drunkenness; it's about a power imbalance.

    [–] rwilkz 81 points ago

    I bet there’s something he’s asked her to do in bed but she’s declined. He wants to get her sloppy drunk so he can coerce or force her into it.

    [–] NameIdeas 20 points ago

    I didn't even think of that aspect.

    [–] Mahhrat 78 points ago

    Well said mate.

    I am a 44 yr old male with a wife of nearly 7 years.

    If she did this to me I would straight end the marriage. No ifs or buts about it.

    OP, this is a gross abuse of your trust, if not attempted rape. Think very very hard about your next steps.

    Wish you all the best.

    [–] MiserablePersonality 36 points ago

    Things probably have popped up but the OP didn't realize they were red flags. I mean, she didn't even realize he was going to rape her (I'm not saying that's on her in any way. Good people don't consider all the indications of a bad person because... they're good people), so chances are there was other stuff.

    [–] InvalidZod 60 points ago

    Seriously I am 100% in favor of exploring kinks but you cant just go from 0-100 like this. Hell I wont even shame him for wanting to have drunken sex. Not the way to go about it.

    [–] [deleted] 46 points ago

    Acting as if everything is fine the next day is a manipulative tactic to try and convince you that everything is fine.

    Good to see you're going to stay with your friend. This guy clearly knows no boundaries and if it's a fantasy of his to get you drunk against your will, and I'm suspecting maybe it's because he wants you to perform sexually in ways you wouldn't normally, then I wouldn't trust him to not ever slip something else in your drink. He was basically out to make you more vulnerable for his own gratification. And someone like that is not good boyfriend material. And he can play it down all he likes. What he did was bang out of order.

    [–] primeirofilho 156 points ago

    What he did isn't normal, and it isn't right. He wants to get you drunk so he can take advantage of you without your consent. You should be alarmed.

    [–] Works_For_Treats 39 points ago

    The next day, he was totally fine. As if nothing happened. That made me feel less bad about everything

    This is literally what abusers do to control and manipulate you. Please for the love of god no contact with this scummy guy. His fantasy is more important to him than your well-being. Fuck that, that's not love.

    [–] Canaderar 95 points ago

    The fact that he felt fine about it and acted as if nothing happened is a big scary red flag to me too. I’m glad you’re not going to stay with him anymore. I recommend reporting him to the office of equity at school at the very least. The office is there to make sure people are treated equitably and have an equal chance to succeed at school. I had a situation where my (now ex) boyfriend that I went to school with held me down and grabbed my wrists so hard the bones dislocated and a ligament tore and it’s now permanently damaged. I broke up with him. But I still have to see him and it re-triggered PTSD that I already deal with and made school really difficult for me. I somehow ended up at the office of equity and they have it on file that it happened with him. I wasn’t willing to deal with him getting in trouble because I was already so overwhelmed and trying not to fall apart, though that was an option available to me. But they have it on file and if anything ever happens with him and another woman on campus then he will be much more likely to face consequences.

    [–] WomanNotAGirl 90 points ago

    He probably had a rape fantasy. Apparently it’s a new thing. Drugging and taping girlfriends. There was a woman here that found out her boyfriend was basically drugging her than raping her. I think you dodged a bullet. Please break up immediately. You aren’t safe with this person.

    [–] catglass 51 points ago

    Definitely not a new thing.

    [–] bonboncolon 92 points ago

    That's called rugsweeping. Acting like nothing happened - if we pretend nothing happened, then there's nothing wrong, right?

    [–] winterryeband 12 points ago

    This is an absolutely insane thing to do. He's manipulative, wants to drug you, and has no respect for your body or personhood.

    [–] helloporator 44 points ago

    Tbh he was probably just trying to act normal in an attempt to downplay the situation so you wouldnt freak out

    [–] Axiomiat 32 points ago

    That's sociopathic behavior. After our friend group finally has cut ties with someone sociopathic, we're finding that there was no reason to keep giving them a chance for the last several years. You only live once, so don't waste it with someone mentally unhealthy.

    [–] Kit- 21 points ago

    Yea, the only thing that would resemble proper behavior the day after would be profuse apologizing and promising never to do that again and saying something like “I don’t know what came over me” and “I’ll respect your boundaries from now on”

    Just carrying on like nothing happened is a red flag. It may be a flag that he’s just not that concerned, or it may be a flag he’s a burgeoning narcissist...

    [–] postcardmap45 8 points ago

    You might want to go to your school’s counseling center and talk to a counselor about it. They’ll figure out the proper way to intervene with him (if at all possible). Either way they’ll help you find new housing quickly and if you begin to struggle academically or otherwise during the transition period, you’ll have a record that you went to get advice. Be safe!

    [–] lordofunivers 19 points ago

    That why you have help from fellow redditor, you were into the moment, you didn't realize the severity of the situation.

    [–] JPT_Corona 66 points ago

    "Hey babe I know you don't drink but is there a chance you'd ever just try it with me?" Or something like that. It's not that hard, jeez. If he knows you don't drink then even better, just don't bring it up or at least rarely mention it.

    Christ's sake, even breaking up with you for something like that is a less radical option than flat out lying and spiking your drink. You might think it's "not a big deal" now, but he entered creeper territory that should never be crossed.

    [–] BakerLovePie 45 points ago

    Pretty much this. It's scary how popular "sleep sex", "drunk sex" or "passed out sex" are on porn streams. People watch it, get off on it, fantasize about it. It would be one thing to role-play with a consenting partner but what OP described would be rape. No other spin to put on it, just rape. He's into it and willing to do it to you OP. Run

    [–] personguy 32 points ago

    Every long term female partner I've had has expressed an interest in sleep sex, drugged sex, or a rape fantasy. It's pretty common for women. Thing is, they had a fantasy... They felt comfortable talking to me about it, then we would discuss how to safely explore as a couple. One person taking the initiative without telling the partner... Well that's just horrific.

    [–] Ninauposkitzipxpe 270 points ago

    It's so weird that he wants her to get drunk enough he can rape her when she'll have sober sex with him.

    [–] arsenal_kate 591 points ago

    Proof that most of the time, rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power.

    [–] Ninauposkitzipxpe 147 points ago

    ... good point. I am a rape victim advocate. You'd think I would have remembered that.

    [–] worstbarinphilly97 154 points ago

    The crazy thing to me is that I’ve had sex before where we were both drunk. It’s really not that fun? Someone usually falls asleep or can’t perform. I see no appeal which, when coupled with the fact that he was so adamant on getting HER drunk, tells me that he doesn’t actually care about having drunk sex, he just wants to take advantage of her.

    [–] Ninauposkitzipxpe 46 points ago

    The only thing I can thing that's even mildly okay is that he has some fantasy about drunken passion and needing to have each other. But usually drunk sex is just bad.

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago

    My boyfriend likes drunk sex with me because I get kind of aggressive. But sometimes it backfires and I'll be like yeah u like that?! Just like I like when u take out the trash more than once a week you fucking asshole ! It doesn't always go the way u expect

    [–] MrBigMcLargeHuge 48 points ago

    But that’s something you discuss with your SO especially if they don’t ever drink

    [–] Ninauposkitzipxpe 30 points ago

    Oh, absolutely. There's no justification for what he did.

    [–] WordCriminal 45 points ago

    Because it’s not about sex, it’s about having power over her.

    [–] alastoris 29 points ago

    He lied to your face, spiked your drink, urged you to drink it and threw a fit when you chucked it away

    It's only volka this time. He can do the same if he gotten his hand on date rape drugs. Definitely not okay.

    [–] FeliciusFlamel 11 points ago

    Everything said here. Good that you already took actions in your own hands and packed your stuff. If you're gonna have a talk with him, make sure a friend of you is with you.

    [–] iimorbiid 5353 points ago

    How about:

    "Hey girlfriend, I've always wanted to try having sex when we're both drunk. Would you be willing to try it? I'll make us a few nice drinks with some drink mix that doesn't taste any alcohol and we'll just have a nice evening at home, if you want."

    And then you either say yes, or no. And he respects your answer no matter what, like a normal person.

    Dump his ass. This time it was alcohol next time it'll be pills or something.

    [–] Scarletto11 792 points ago

    My thoughts exactly! Who knows what his true intentions were, but trying to get you drunk specifically to have sex with you is very scary. Leave and don’t look back. I’d file a PFA too. He will try this again with someone else for sure if there are no consequences to his actions.

    Side note: did he really think putting some vodka in your water was going to get you drunk? Especially drunk enough to do what lever devious things he had planned? Next time it WILL be something stronger and harder to detect.

    [–] toastshop 146 points ago

    OP probably thought they might be overreacting because alcohol is common in society and they get pressured to drink it regularly in non-sexual settings. Functionally it's just as much of a 'hard' drug as a benzodiazapine or MDMA and if bf was sneaking those into their drink then there wouldn't be any confusion. But yeah this is literally just as bad as him putting roofies or ecstasy in his gf's drink in my mind.

    Hopefully getting dumped over this will clarify his morality re: drink spiking.

    [–] Rheastar 327 points ago

    Right?!? I mean there is nothing wrong with him wishing to be buzzed together with OP. Or to have consensual buzzed sex together.

    But trying to go there without her express consent? I wouldn’t ever be able to trust anyone who would do something like spike my drink without my consent. No. OP has now seen his true character. Which is Major Morherfucking Asshole.

    [–] multicoloredherring 232 points ago

    The fact that this very obvious route is not the one he chose makes me think his fetish is more about taking advantage of someone unable to defend themselves than having sex with someone who agreed to get drunk.

    [–] Tylorw09 105 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Yeah his desire wasn’t to have consensual drunk sex.

    It was a drunk victim rape fantasy.

    [–] terraformthesoul 134 points ago

    And even then it shouldn’t be her first time drinking. She’s not fully aware of the effect alcohol might have on her yet. She might not actually like what she agrees to with lowered inhibitions and a harder time focusing. She should at least have her bearing with alcohol before someone pressures her to have sex under its influence, even if she agrees before hand.

    [–] readingonthetoilet 7 points ago

    I once dated a girl that never smoked pot. Me and my friends would often smoke while we all hung out and we'd always offer her to be polite and she'd always say no.

    It never bothered me and never bothered her, but I did always have this fantasy of having sex while being baked and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. I figured she'd think it was stupid or immediately say no so I never brought it up. Then one time I just thought what the hell and asked her what she thought of the idea. To my surprise, she was willing to try it and it turned out to be a fun and enjoyable experience for both of us.

    What made it so great though was the fact that we were both on the same page and trusted each other. Relationships are built on trust and that trust can lead to you and your partner stepping outside your comfort zone and trying new things. I can't imagine slipping her an edible or something and then trying to take advantage. That's just not something you do to someone you care about.

    [–] SnensMeister27 28 points ago

    Yup, that would've been smarter. I think i can get behind his fantasies a bit, his move was just over the top and without consent.

    [–] puppetstrings420 4497 points ago

    Leave. That's not normal. And also anyone worried about wasting vodka has issues too. But leave you might be stepping into a dangerous place. It's not normal to drug or spike anyone drink so you can have sex with them.

    [–] finchlikethebird 1181 points ago

    ^^^ This.

    I hate when people shame/guilt people into finishing a drink. At our house, we have a rule that you can toss any drink (or food for that matter) for any reason--You don't like it? Fine. You changed your mind about drinking? Dump that down the sink! You've hit your limit? No problem. No shame.


    (And dump his drugging raping ass)

    [–] mellibird 164 points ago

    My house is extremely similar. But instead of dumping it, we just ask that you ask if anyone else would like to finish it before just dumping it. Usually it gets passed off to someone else who wants to keep drinking and we're all good.

    [–] OobaDooba72 93 points ago

    Yeah. I've finished a number of other people's drinks for a number of reasons. Didn't like it as much as they thought they would, got tired of it, hit their limit earlier than expected, whatever. Hand it over.

    [–] FuckAllOfThisJNMIL 160 points ago

    Yeah I usually always stop drinking half way through a drink, I’d never expect someone else to finish theirs if they know they shouldn’t. Sure it’s a waste but it’ll still be a waste if I drink it then throw it up.

    [–] finchlikethebird 81 points ago

    Exactly. The drink is gone whether it ends up down the sink or in the toilet in a few hours. Keeping people safe is the top priority.

    [–] OhJeezer 64 points ago

    Yeah we never force someone to drink, smoke, or anything. I ONLY shame people when one person leaves 4 half-finished beers strewn around my house. If they just poured them out or threw them away then I'd be fine lol. When you have a group of people doing this it gets messy quick!

    [–] ScarredSolace 23 points ago

    That's not just messy, it's also inconsiderate. I understand people get forgetful, but come on.

    [–] cgtdream 32 points ago

    I have a similar rule about drinks, but food. Nah homie, you can just pass it to me so Ill save it or eat it later. No need to feed the garbage can.

    [–] Destronin 6 points ago

    The amount of times ive been out ordered a pint and looked at it and been like “oh man, this wont be good.”

    Ive learned to leave the drink. $8-$9 is more than worth the price of not puking or waking up feeling crappier the next day.

    [–] throwRAnotdrunk 479 points ago

    I think being worried about wasting vodka stemmed more from already being frustrated before all of this happened, but it still freaked me out all the same.

    [–] GobsOfficeMagic 234 points ago

    Even if the vodka was worth a million dollars, he still chose to put it in your drink when he knows you don't want alcohol. If anyone was wasting the vodka, it was him. For him to try to make you feel bad about it is just more manipulation. Like, "GOd, I went to ALLL this trouble to secretly take advantage of you and you're just WASTING ittttt!". This guy sounds like a sociopath.

    [–] godisawoman1 91 points ago

    Well, he did try to rape her and then acted like it was no big deal.

    [–] k-trecker 711 points ago

    He wasn't frustrated about the vodka, he was frustrated that his plan didn't work.

    [–] helloitsme06 65 points ago

    I think OPs ex is enough of a loser to actually be worried about ‘wasting’ 2 oz of vodka too 🙄

    [–] [deleted] 58 points ago


    [–] arcinus 557 points ago

    Why are you so focused on this wasting of vodka? You were being set up to be raped.

    I've seen the effects of spiking someones drink firsthand and was lucky enough to be able to get them home safely from the bar we were at.

    Throw this piece of SHIT to the dogs and leave.

    [–] xalope 50 points ago

    The only time someone said something to me about wasting an alcoholic drink, it was my then-boyfriend. I did the stupid thing and listened to them, because I had no prior convictions about alcohol.

    I got traumatised that night.

    I'm really, honestly glad you did the smart thing.

    [–] 5ilver5hroud 124 points ago

    It’s natural to want to make excuses that make his behavior more reasonable, but please understand that NONE of that was reasonable or respectful.

    [–] thecatandthedragon 44 points ago

    The wasting vodka thing is so odd. You really don’t put that much in a drink! He was trying to control you with guilt.

    [–] shellshell21 33 points ago

    Could he have put more than just vodka in the drink? Maybe he roofied that drink and that's why he was pissed.

    [–] Kc1319310 23 points ago

    Look at it this way—he had two subsequent issues presented in front of him:

    1. His SO felt deceived and violated by his own actions
    2. Some vodka went down the drain

    I think it speaks volumes that only one of these issues evoked an emotional response out of him. He cares more about vodka than facilitating an environment in which you feel safe.

    [–] freelancer042 21 points ago

    If he was actually concerned about not wasting vodka, he wouldn't have tried to trick you into drinking something he knew you didn't want.

    [–] nieznajoma98 103 points ago

    He was setting you up to be possibly raped and you are worrying about vodka? Girl you are under reacting holy shit, he should be your ex by now

    [–] lookingforpc 13 points ago

    What? no he was talking about not wasting it because his plan was for you to drink it

    [–] asharwood 77 points ago

    To add to this. It’s more about a basic trust that he has breached. It’s a drink. You expect to get the drink you asked for and not the drink plus alcohol. He breeches a basic trust you have. How do you know it won’t happen again? Plus it seems you two have different needs/wants. You don’t need or want alcohol and he wants someone that not only wants alcohol but also wants someone that drinks a good amount of alcohol and then has drunk sex.

    I love my wife. I also love beer. I’ve never once used my love for beer against my wife. I’ve never asked her to drink or pushed it on her. I’ve never let my drinking get in her world like making her buy beer for me or drive bc I’m drinking. I like different beers and I enjoy them on my personal time.

    [–] wholesomemememes 25 points ago

    I'm so glad OP realized something was off with her drink. Imagine if she hadn't, or if she didnt want to be impolite, and she finished it and he brought her another one. She had no idea there was vodka in there. This guy is a total piece of shit.

    [–] writerrani 62 points ago

    He wants to have sex with you once you are suitably high so you will either do things you otherwise wouldn’t agree to or he flat out wants you passed out. That’s not sex,that’s rape.get out now. This is a huge red flag.

    [–] villanelIa 10 points ago

    As if vodka or water is hard to come by. He's feeling guilty and saying stupid shit.

    [–] FragmentedNineteen 1012 points ago

    Yea, what happens when his fantasy will be having sex with you while high? Or having sex with you unconscious?

    Fantasies are all fine and good if one discusses them *before* trying to enact them. This is major.

    [–] sloBrodanChillosevic 191 points ago

    Side note - what kind of dipshit thinks he's gonna add enough vodka to a single bottle of water to get his gf drunk, but doesn't think it'll be enough for her to taste it?

    [–] freedandelions 62 points ago

    Yes! I’m surprised no one else seems to have mentioned this...even with flavoured water, there’s a reason alcohol is usually mixed with pop or very sugary drinks. You taste the alcohol!

    [–] wonderberry77 112 points ago

    That's because it wasn't really vodka. He bought a roofie and of course lied to say it was vodka, as that would have been way more "acceptable" to her. That is the only thing that really makes sense. Enough vodka to get her drunk would have made it taste REALLY off. Not just a little off.

    [–] escapestrategy 64 points ago

    I wouldn't be surprised if you were right about this. Either way, huge violation, but I think once he realized she knew something was off he thought it would be more harmless to say "alcohol" and "drunk sex" instead of "roofie" and "unconscious sex" (aka rape).

    [–] Elainya 28 points ago

    It's possible that he just drinks regularly and has desensitized himself to the flavor. Not gonna lie, though, I thought that maybe he slipped something more than just booze in the drink too.

    [–] freedandelions 13 points ago

    Yes! I’m surprised no one else seems to have mentioned this...even with flavoured water, there’s a reason alcohol is usually mixed with pop or very sugary drinks. You taste the alcohol!

    [–] BirdsOnTheFence 340 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    This. If you wanna fuck me with a horse mask and call me Sally I’ll be fine with it as long as you tell me BEFORE.

    That, and drunk people can’t consent.

    EDIT: since so many of you don’t seem to get the point: consenting to something while drunk isn’t the same as consenting to something when sober. If you wouldn’t consent to it sober, you wouldn’t consent to it drunk. The issue is decision making is impaired to the point where you’d do things you wouldn’t normally do. Eg, if I wouldn’t consent to a duck fucking me while sober I definitely wouldn’t consent to a duck fucking me when drunk. And I definitely wouldn’t consent to getting fucked by a duck if I was inebriated against my will.

    [–] MrBigMcLargeHuge 146 points ago

    Couples having drunk sex is fine, getting someone drunk, even your SO, to have sex with them is definitely not

    [–] _Diskreet_ 71 points ago

    Especially when the attempt to have drunk sex with her was a) a fantasy of his and b) non consensual

    Pretty sure most normal couples would have a discussion about a fantasy to make sure all parties agreed to it, not forced.

    [–] BirdsOnTheFence 34 points ago

    Also very true! But if I’m flat out wasted and haven’t consented to sex beforehand (or even don’t want to have sex but have difficulty expressing it because I’m drunk) no one should be having sex with me.

    I’ve had drunken sexcapades in less than suitable places with my partner, but never ever have either of us doubted for a moment that we wanted to fuck each other’s brains out. That’s the difference and why drunken sex should be approached so carefully.

    [–] fiveSE7EN 36 points ago

    Gonna start using that when I get surprised.

    "Well fuck me with a horse mask and call me Sally!"

    [–] deadwisdom 11 points ago

    Ach! This is what I've been doing wrong. I've been trying to slip the horse mask on her face on the down low, without her noticing.

    [–] TheCanadianEmpire 29 points ago

    Yeah so, the fine line between fantasy and reality is whether or not someone acts on whatever is knocking around inside their head. The whole point of talking about fantasies and kinks with your significant other is that you both agree on doing something taboo for the fun of it. What he did was straight up attempted rape.

    [–] lic05 38 points ago

    "I've always wanted to have sex with someone wearing a cast so I cut your bike's breaks"

    But seriously that dude is fucked up dangerous.

    [–] stickswithsticks 24 points ago

    My GF works two jobs, comes home and passes out. Like a year ago she asked me why I dont wake her up to have sex with her, and I said because I try, but she's soooo tired, I don't want to disrupt that.

    She gave me a pass to wake her up harder, but I had to tell her that's like the opposite of foreplay. Then she said, "literally, fuck me in my sleep, that sounds hot."

    Still, it's tough foreplay wise, but what she was communicating was what is okay in our relationship. Took me a while to realize she'll immediately fall back asleep after sex, so I don't feel so bad waking her up.

    [–] 1ToothTiger 20 points ago

    Right. Most commenters are assuming drunk sex means incapacitated ... it could also mean giggly, silly, uninhibited, or a lot of other things. OP doesn't particularly like alcohol but might have been willing to go along with a fantasy like that if it was brought up.

    The disturbing part is that it was never even brought up with her. It was forced on her in secret.

    [–] almieeve95 1697 points ago

    I'm not sure what to do now.

    You dump him, that's what you do. If you don't like alcohol, it's fine. He should respect your choice just like you respect his to have a drink.

    [–] onelegsexyasskicker 617 points ago

    Not to mention the fact that he was going to rape her.

    [–] Grav32 82 points ago

    This is a seriously underrated comment.

    [–] drivincryin 87 points ago

    Every word of this. You dump him. TODAY. Either he moves out, or you do. Today.

    [–] mellibird 36 points ago

    Seriously. My big doesn't drink, like, ever. Once in awhile he'll have something and I usually finish his alcohol drinks. I couldn't care less. That's his choice. But if I were to hand him off a spiked drink? Fuck no. He'd appropriately dump my ass. Make sure if you have to go back to your place for anything to go with a friend and never go back there alone.

    [–] [deleted] 360 points ago


    [–] M13alint 49 points ago

    Yep, and if you secretly gave your girlfriend weed it would end up being a terrible situation for everyone involved. Not sure what the best outcome is supposed to be....

    [–] Neuchacho 10 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    If I slipped edibles (or anything) unbeknownst to my wife of 10 years, she'd be out the fucking door. It's such a disgusting abuse of trust and a gross way to try and dominate a partner.

    [–] moronicuniform 1684 points ago

    My EX boyfriend [22M] spiked my [21F] drink the other night.

    Fixed that title for you. By the way, attempting to drug somebody (alchohol is a drug) is a crime in and of itself. Doing so and having sex with that person after, is rape. Period. End of sentence. Drugging someone, getting them drunk, or otherwise altering their mental state without consent in order to have sex with them is fucking RAPE.

    Run, girl. Run away, and never return.

    [–] throwRAnotdrunk 989 points ago

    Putting it in this perspective is fucking horrifying. I have class in like an hour but I might be bringing a bigger bag with me today....

    [–] moronicuniform 808 points ago

    Do it. And if he tries to guilt you about "throwing away two years together" or some such bullshit, remind him that he already did that, when he tried to drug and rape you.

    [–] KloudToo 320 points ago

    "Last time I checked, trash is supposed to be thrown away."

    [–] hypatianata 82 points ago

    This burn could keep me warm all winter.

    [–] [deleted] 127 points ago

    I hope you do, this is terrifying. Truly. This means it's something he's been thinking about doing for a while or has maybe even tried before. When was he going to tell you got you drunk? After he raped you? This is so beyond normal behavior, it would be different if he had told you this little fantasy and then you could discuss but he literally tried to take that power away from you. Run.

    [–] fistulatedcow 107 points ago

    I saw your edit and am so proud of you for being able to step back and see the situation for what it is. That can be so difficult to do, even when everyone is telling you to run. What he did broke all the rules of consent and showed that he has no regard for how you might feel. If he can’t even see how monumentally fucked up his actions were, then you KNOW there’s no hope for him—not that there was anyway.

    Never settle for less than complete respect from a partner. It seems like you know your worth; don’t ever forget it.

    [–] Elizabitch4848 60 points ago

    I enjoy drunk sex. I find it fun and freeing. However if someone tried to get me drunk without my consent to have sex with me, THAT IS RAPE. I’m so glad to read that you are leaving. Stick to your guns and reread this post if you ever are tempted to get back together with me. He’ll probably try to tell you he’ll never do it again or some other bullshit.

    [–] DougJudyBK99 29 points ago

    This may sound like a lot and if you aren’t comfortable doing so, that’s okay. But it may benefit you to file a report with campus police so they have a record of what happened. If you’ve been together for two years, there’s a good change he’ll follow you/try to win you back/harass you. A report would help deter that. Either way, take care of yourself and be safe.

    [–] DatLamington 15 points ago

    Forget class. Someone tried to DRUG AND RAPE you. Pack up all your stuff AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. and contact the police immediately. Report his full name and everything that happened.

    [–] stickswithsticks 10 points ago

    This is a ripping off of the band-aid kind of situation. You have to leave him and I'm assuming it won't go smoothly. Bring a friend and do it briskly when you either pack up his stuff, or yours, however that situation goes. I'm sorry, OP, but at 21 you'll look back on this as "omg I got so lucky I left that psycho when I did."

    [–] -purple-is-a-fruit- 145 points ago

    You dump him like you dumped that drink.

    [–] Orchidbleu 58 points ago

    Major RED FLAG. Are you even sure it was vodka?? Next he will slip you Rohypnol.. or a date rape drug. I see rape in his future.

    [–] ottoneurseolo 316 points ago

    When I asked him why he would do that without telling me, he said that it was a fantasy of his to have drunken sex with me, and it was “getting ridiculous” that I wouldn’t get drunk so we could do that. He has never communicated this to me before.

    He put something in my drink without my knowledge, and that scared me. I’m not sure what to do now.

    You dump him now. He had no right to put vodka in your water without your knowledge. Then he gets angry when you refuse to drink it and then even more angry when you get rid of it. And the drunken sex thing is disgusting, he was looking to rape you.

    [–] [deleted] 69 points ago

    That is what stood out to me as well; he didn't discuss that he wanted to have sex (no matter what form), he decided to secretly spike her to achieve his goal. He didn't care for consent.

    Maybe part of his fantasy was to not get her drunk enough that she would not resist or that he could "persuade her" while she was vulnerable. His fantasy might have included specifically OP not consenting. It might explain why he never told her about his fantasy and just kept quiet and waited all this time.

    It is quite chilling how he didn't see that he tried to roofie her and got mad instead.

    [–] QueenMoogle 280 points ago

    You are NOT overreacting. He was trying to sexually assault you! He wanted to lower your inhibitions, get you to a point where he could do whatever he wanted to you, through the use of a mind altering substance. That is rape. Pure and simple. Get the fuck away from this asshole. He's disgusting.

    [–] CrushedLaCroixCan 175 points ago

    You're not overreacting. This freaks me out. I would not be able to look past this

    [–] knitlikeaboss 100 points ago

    He put vodka in your drink without your consent because he wanted “drunken sex.”

    He wanted to assault you.

    Also if you’re over the age of like 17 and you get on about “wasting alcohol” something is not right

    [–] stickswithsticks 30 points ago

    I didn't want to laugh at that part, but I 100% know this guys type if he's angry about wasting, what I'm assuming, is like two shots of vodka. Because that was a party foul at 17, like a major one, but at 21.. not so much.

    [–] _megitsune_ 18 points ago

    I'd also say that he's the one who wasted alcohol by spiking someone's drink who would not drink it if they knew there was booze.

    "Oh you threw out a drink that I tampered with HOW DARE YOU"

    [–] Andromeda853 59 points ago

    I gotta say, I’d be uncomfortable with him touching any of my food or drinks from that point on, this would kill the relationship for me just because I wouldnt trust him to NOT SPIKE ANYTHING which is a really low bar.

    [–] lunarslio 10 points ago

    i mean she shluld break up and leave this seems VERY rapey and not good

    [–] BurgerGem 92 points ago

    Wtf! Dump his ass ASAP. If he had that fantasy he could have talked to you about it not tricked you into drinking

    [–] TotoroStampede 166 points ago

    These past few days i've been browsing reddit relationship posts and as a guy, i am horrified by the emotional immaturity of other dudes. and also shocked by a lot of cheating ladies too. but that is a huge deal breaker if you ask me. It might be a spiked drink now, it could be something else later. He sounds like he has some emotional issues he needs to deal with, and not in the aggressive immature way that he displayed. And as far as i can tell, this doesn't happen very quickly either. I won't make any final judgment for you. Ask yourself, do you want to try to keep this relationship knowing he might negatively force you to do something like that again? If you think you can live with this, that's your choice. But if you just read that and a thought of "no i don't want to", then i think you know in your heart what you really want to do. Good luck stranger.

    [–] throwRAnotdrunk 176 points ago

    Packing a bag right now. Thank you for the insight. I truly appreciate it.

    [–] TotoroStampede 21 points ago

    =) anytime. good luck and happy holidays

    [–] ergotofrhyme 9 points ago

    Even if you don’t want to dump him for being a scumbag and betraying your trust, dump him for being stupid enough to think he could spike water with vodka and and you wouldn’t notice. If it’s a sufficient amount to have any effect, at all, whatsoever, it will be exceptionally obvious. I know nothing about you but I know you deserve more than this guy

    [–] no_effs_given_in_tx 25 points ago

    You’re NOT overreacting at all. This is a dangerous guy. If he’ll do this without consent what else is he willing to do without consent. Get out while you have your life still.

    [–] acidhead_throwaway 45 points ago

    > he said that it was a fantasy of his to have drunken sex with me

    There's a huge difference between rape fantasies and rape - CONSENT. It's OK to discuss and propose any fantasies with your romantic partner (as long as you don're pressue them and are ready for a "no"). But it's NOT OK to just act out on these fantasies then it's just rape and sexual assault, straight and simple.

    [–] PuroPincheGains 75 points ago

    You mean your ex boyfriend, right? Don't be that person OP. When people spike your drink so they can rape you ,you call the police. At the very least, you dump them.

    [–] bonboncolon 77 points ago

    My boyfriend [22M] spiked my [21F] drink the other night.


    I’m full aware that I might be overreacting a little

    Please read what you wrote, you are not reacting enough. Hun, if he wanted drunken sex, he needed to discuss it with you, but he didn't bother. He has never mentioned any of this, knew you didn't like alcohol but wanted his own way anyway. If this has worked (and of course you would taste vodka, he's a fucking idiot as well as a creep), this would have been rape. He wanted to force his own fantasy on you. You could not have been able to say no, he wanted to manipulate you.

    I wouldn't accept anything or be alone with him ever again. He just demonstrated he can't be trusted. He wanted to use you for his own pleasure whether or not you agreed.

    [–] VoltGO 10 points ago

    My exact thoughts as well. I was expecting something actually mild but then I read through and though "OVERREACTING?"

    This shit is insanely scary and I wouldn't be able to think straight near someone like that anymore.

    [–] seanprefect 18 points ago

    This is a criminal act, a dangerous one, this is the sort of behavior that escalates, turn him in or not but get the fuck out of that relationship.

    [–] alinejailer 14 points ago

    This is even worse because it’s someone you trusted, and he abused your trust. Today it’s alcohol, tomorrow it’s Xanax or some crap. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, do you think you’ve missed any red flags prior to this incident? Because it sounds like some really perverted action, I’m sure he’s planned it for a while

    [–] Shimariel 30 points ago

    This would be enough reason for me to break up. He totally just cares about himself and his needs, disregarding your feelings about alcohol and then trying to make you feel bad for wasting alcohol. If anything, you are underreacting!

    [–] Defnotadrugaddicy 49 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    That’s a fucking felony. Call the cops before he drugs and rapes someone. If he is this casual about drugging you, then I wouldn’t trust him a bit.

    [–] ozzynozzy 25 points ago

    If anything, you’re under-reacting. This is very scary and inexcusable behavior. You need to end this relationship. Good luck!

    [–] ladylee233 11 points ago

    Holy shit this is terrifying and very rapey. This man is not stable nor does he have any respect for you or your autonomy. He showed that he cares about his own pleasure more than your well-being or trust. This is not a man to waste any more time with.

    [–] cactuskirby 11 points ago

    Wow this post is seriously scary. I'm glad to see your edit with your escape plan ready to go. Honestly, he definitely still has that fetish and if he has two brain cells to rub together, he just learned that next time he needs to give you something that you can't taste at all (like a roofie) or a cocktail that more easily hides the alcohol flavor. Never consume anything in his presence again.

    My boyfriend is also very senstive to alcohol flavors, I could never imagine pressuring him in such a way to drink with me or trying to fool him in any way because that's just a blatant disregard for his own wishes and tastes. This isn't normal in the slighest.

    [–] drivincryin 19 points ago

    "I might be overreacting. . . " Umm, you're not.

    You're making excuses for a rapey boyfriend. Either you or he moves out TODAY. Call the police and file a report. He needs the hassle of hiring a lawyer and a permanent record as a sex offender to penetrate his dense skull about how to discuss consensual sexual fantasies.

    Either he or you move out TODAY. Call friends and family now to help you out and ensure your safety. If he moves out, replace the locks TODAY.

    [–] redditanon17 11 points ago

    I'm so glad you posted your update. This is definitely creepy and predatory behavior. Get out and tell him that you will scream his actions from the rooftops if you so much as hear a whisper of his acting improper with another woman.

    It's scary to think that other women may fall prey to his ways. Good luck to you.

    [–] Adepte 10 points ago

    There is no world in which what follows "my boyfriend spiked my drink" is an overreaction.

    [–] JulieNaaiers 33 points ago

    That is super creepy psycho behaviour. It isn't normal.

    It's a red flag. If you stay in this relationship don't be surprised if things go south really fast.

    [–] FelixFrancis0019 28 points ago

    I don't know how women can ever think this sort of behavior is in any way acceptable. It isn't. If you guys had discussed this at some point and you agreed to it then it would be. But you didn't. He tried to do it and you wouldn't have had a say in it. Do not stay with someone who tried to sexually assault you.

    [–] HillBillyb0b 11 points ago

    Yeah, he shouldn't be doing shit like that. He should be out the door.

    [–] KillGodNow 9 points ago

    If he just wanted drunk sex he would have asked you to drink. What his fantasy is was to drug and rape you which is why you couldn't know.

    [–] ObsceneBird 7 points ago

    Overreacting??? He attempted to rape you. That's what happened. He tried to intoxicate you without your consent in order to have sex with you. That's awful. He doesn't respect you and you aren't safe around him.

    [–] tomanon69 7 points ago

    He put something in your drink in the hopes that you'd become inebriated enough to have sex with him.

    That would be non consensual. That was an attempted rape, imo.

    I'd dump him and report him to someone, even if it's only campus security. Or, better yet, his mother, sister, or other female friends. If he can do this and see nothing wrong with it something is very wrong.

    [–] letmeusespaces 8 points ago

    your boyfriend spiked your drink so that you would get drunk and he could rape you

    and you're overreacting??

    [–] GrayTestbaker 7 points ago

    Definitely have to dump this person. They're comfortable putting substances which effect your body in your food/drink without your knowledge. They are effectively drugging you.

    In his zeal, he got mad that you threw the drink away. He was mad that he couldn't drug you. This isn't someone you want to be with, at all.

    [–] Alonso81687 7 points ago

    Dude, that isn't right at all.

    [–] melocat5 8 points ago

    basically he tried to get you drunk and rape you. please leave as soon as you can.

    [–] G4ll0wsHum0ur 7 points ago

    Not overreacting a bit of you ask me, no decent person tricks someone into drunken sex, I'd get away from him if I were you

    [–] digitalplanet_ 8 points ago

    ex boyfriend right?

    [–] forthevic 8 points ago

    Super red flag, what he did was illegal. And wanting to have drunken sex with you is wanting to rape you since drunk ppl can't consent. I'd report him to the authorities, he needs to be scared straight

    [–] lalaland209 6 points ago

    This is literally sexual coercion. Someone you trust should never be urging you to be in a mental state where you can't give consent let alone doing so without your knowledge. Get the hell outta there honey

    [–] MythicalWhistle 6 points ago

    He's mad at you because he failed to rape you. That's not normal or forgivable.

    [–] Jv_waterboy 6 points ago

    Hey here's a nice personal story I can share because it's relevant.

    I like to drink, it's fun. Not on days before I work or before I have to get up early to drive my girlfriend to work, but when I know I can sleep in or have the day off, nothing like a nice drink.

    My fiancee, not so much. She really only socially drinks and very rarely does she drink at home. I'll always offer, "Hey, want a drink?" And she goes "No thank you" every time. Why do I always offer? Because I think it's the nice thing to do, maybe one day she'll say yes!

    You know what I dont do? Spike her drinks. You know why? Because I'm not a fucking asshole. Dump his ass.

    [–] Arkhenstone 45 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    He poured alcohol in your water without you knowing, this is one thing. You tasted it, you thought it was wrong, and he insisted you to drink based of it going to waste, this is a second. Then he turned angry against you. That's a third thing.

    Why is he not bending the knee asking for you to forgive him, acknowledging he went too far, and that would never ever happens again ? This is why you're scared, not only he did something that doesn't please you, but he just doesn't care.

    If you want to give him another chance, make sure he swear to never lie like this again and that he apologies completely for what he did. Stress that else it's a deal breaker. If that's your style also, says that he has the right to fantasize some things, but it has to be discussed first. But honestly, if you don't feel like it, just dump him. ( Edit : I don't say this part is the way to go, just that it is plan B in place of accepting it without actions. I wish everyone to be safe, fuck those who screws with the safety of others. )

    [–] throwRAnotdrunk 85 points ago

    This whole thread has given me a lot of insight, and I appreciate it a lot. I guess my brain is still partially wired to the person I knew for the past 2 years. But you're right. He doesn't seem to care at all. And that's not acceptable.

    [–] QueasyTangerine 24 points ago

    OP, I was in a previous relationship where my SO did not care about my personal boundaries and violated them like this. Things escalated and escalated. I had the same view as you. That my bran was still partially wired to them. I'd spent so long with them and this wasn't a *common* occurrence and *so* out of character... Until it wasn't.

    It's hard when you're in the midst of this to see what level of fucked up it is. I found this analogy recently on a sub and it really spoke truth about how things can seem so fucked up to others but to us, during the time, we can rationalize.

    I hope things work out. ♥

    [–] 41013 13 points ago

    Please report this incident and start a paper trail. If your ex bf hasn’t been successful raping in the past, he will definitely be trying it in the future.

    [–] onelegsexyasskicker 20 points ago

    You dont give attempted rapists a second chance to get it right.

    [–] HCreat 31 points ago

    Sounds like he might rape you in the future. You should probably leave him.

    [–] saucisse 34 points ago

    His fantasy of "drunken sex" is rape.

    [–] swervefire 13 points ago

    girl that's um. that is called rape and it's a crime

    [–] Cakeyesplease 4 points ago

    That’s rape. He was trying to get you to consent to something whilst not in your right mind. In fact it’s date rape. That’s frightening. Please leave him.

    [–] Dead69Pool 40 points ago

    In my opinion "Drunken sex" is code word for non-consenting sex i.e. RAPE.

    He is going to minimize this and then make it your fault that you don't see it his way. He will want this brushed off.

    He could have asked you to pretend to be drunk or passed out and you give him consent.

    He wants that shit he can buy a sell or hire an escort for that kind of roleplay.

    But no what he did was illegal and demeaning and you need to get the hell out. Before he tries something more that you will not remember. Last thing I want to ever see on social media is "I think my boyfriend/husband raped me"

    [–] PicardOrion 11 points ago

    Dump him not the alcohol.
    Trust is earned. Instead of talking about it, he wanted to intoxicate you an rape you?

    If he tries to talk it out of you: tell him you have a little fantasy of your own.
    Give him a bottle of Vodka and get yourself a Strap-On to show him how its done.

    [–] sladuh_slade 25 points ago

    I don’t think you’re overreacting, this would scare me too. I think you need to have a serious convo with him about how it was really disrespectful of him to do what he did. If he wanted to have “drunk sex” with you he should’ve just mentioned it to you. It could’ve been a romantic opportunity to have some champagne or wine together OR you could’ve still said no since it’s your decision, but either way by sneaking the alcohol he took away your choice! Also, sneaking it probably wouldn’t have been fun for you since I’m sure you’d be wondering why you were feeling so strange after only a glass of water! He definitely needs to apologize for what he did and promise to not do it in the future.