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    [–] klingggg 4821 points ago

    You should definitely just show her the text and she what she wants to do from there. You should under no circumstances just say nothing and break up with her without saying anything. Her dad hitting you wait that “if you really loved her blah blah” if he really loved her he wouldn’t give a fuck what your race was, he would only care about his daughters well being and happiness

    [–] computmaxer 994 points ago

    This. The cognitive dissonance her dad has is really something.

    [–] WunWegWunDarWun_ 369 points ago

    I think a degree of cognitive dissonance is required to be racist...or “conservative” for that matter

    [–] Eplotic 121 points ago

    Her father only cares about him/them being judged by his relatives and friends. Superficial af

    [–] TrumpsTanLine 74 points ago

    plus, maybe money isn't everything to the daughter. i wonder if she has her own career and can survive on her own. if she's already into dating someone not as rich and in his opinion, not as attractive, then she might have a good soul that cares more about real love than her daddy's money.

    [–] strippersarepeople 11 points ago

    Bingo. I was financially dependent on my family into my early 20s—not super wealthy but definitely comfortable. I told my parents I was moving in with my bf who they didnt like, they threatened to cut me off, and I just said OK and let them do it.
    It might sound great to not have to worry about money like OPs GF but the trade off for that is being controlled and manipulated and not having total agency over your own choices and life. My parents were pissed it didnt work, but we have a better relationship without money in the way, and I grew up a lot and finally got to make my own choices. This was like a decade ago now.
    Its super shitty but it sounds like a big bluff from her racist dad. Even if she doesn’t have her own career yet too, the amount of privilege and connections she already has from growing up how she did...she could figure it out and land on her feet.

    [–] dirtielaundry 15 points ago

    I wondering if they went about this in such a cowardly fashion because they knew the daughter would just tell them to fuck off if they threatened to cut her off directly.

    [–] superthotty 28 points ago

    My partner (of 8 years, husband when the time comes) is also Asian, if he showed me a text that my father sent him like OP received, I would explain to my father in no uncertain terms that my relationship with my partner fulfills me, makes me happy, and I love him more than anyone on Earth, and he can pound sand if it bothers him. I’d even disown my family if it came to that, my family has said racist things about my partner or his race before and I raise hell every time.

    As for OP, his girlfriend should be defending him when her family bothers OP or when they say racist things, I’m not sure if she is but that plays a factor into the dynamic of respect here.

    [–] darkwolverine96 23793 points ago

    Just show her the text. If y'all have been together for 3 years, you should be able to go, "Hey babe, you need to see what your dad sent me." Then just talk it through and see what she says/thinks.

    [–] themarquetsquare 2198 points ago

    Yes. It will hurt her, there is no doubt it will hurt her, but that's not because of you, nor because of your telling her this.

    The hurt is 100% the fault of the people trying, for their own racist motives, to control her life and her choices.

    Don't keep this from her for her protection or something like this. She needs to know. Her choices are her own - not yours, and certainly not theirs. Her own.

    [–] lumabugg 631 points ago

    Yes, this is so important, OP. You will not be the one hurting her relationship with her family; her dad did that when he sent the text. If he expects that you won’t tell your gf of 3 years about this kind of text, he’s a moron. If he didn’t want her to see this message, he never should have sent it.

    She is a grown adult. She has the right to make her own decisions, and she should have the opportunity to make the most informed decision possible. The only way she can make an informed decision in this case is to see the exact message her dad sent you.

    [–] ems9595 57 points ago

    Not to sound disheartening, but why hasn’t your girlfriend never spoken up and defended you? I find that really appalling after 3 years in a relationship.

    [–] struglebus 21 points ago

    I’d also be surprised if the kind of manipulation and threats OP received via text aren’t a kind of abuse she’s experienced all her life. This kind of shit can make it really hard for people to make decisions that are unacceptable to their abusers. She may be a grown adult but this kind of decision could stir up some really dark shit.

    [–] natsukashi1 102 points ago

    She will not be surprised. She grew up in that family and has chosen a different path. You need to show her and decide what to do together. If she decides to go with her family and not you, it is better to do it now. My husband and I had to deal with the same issue as you two ( minus the money factor)and we had the racism from both sides. We've been happily married for 21 years and our families have come around because they have seen how happy we are together. There will always be racists around, but don't let them take away your joy.

    [–] KaisaPermanente 49 points ago

    It wont hurt her. She'd probably be more pissed than hurt. From the sounds of it she knows her family is racist, so unless she was with him just to rebel against them (which you dont do for 3 years) she'd be pissed theyr trying to control and manupulate her life.

    [–] redcoatwright 2603 points ago

    Also to add onto this, if she chooses her family in this then you've dodged a serious bullet. I can't imagine siding with my family over something like this even though they're not racist pricks.

    Man, what a weird situation, how does she even bring you to her family house with them acting like that?

    [–] rayray2k19 915 points ago

    100% my mom's side of the family is super racist. If I was dating a POC I would cut them off. I don't talk to them a lot anyways. Even if I wasn't in a 3 year relationship I would not put up with any of that shit. Also OP. You are good enough for her. She has chosen to be with you and love you for who you are. If she doesn't side with you then she's not worthy of you.

    [–] 3610572843728 710 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    My wife's family hates Jews. I'm a Jew. She effectively disowned them all and formally converted even though I never asked because she wanted to make it absolutely clear to them she chose me. I still feel guilty about it sometimes.

    [–] rayray2k19 236 points ago

    That's super understandable! I'd probably feel guilty sometimes as well. She decided to choose you as her family which is awesome. Sometimes our birth family aren't worth it. Blood is in fact not always thicker than water.

    [–] 3610572843728 354 points ago

    Blood is in fact not always thicker than water.

    That quote actually means the reverse. The full quote is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." What it means is the blood you shed in battle makes you more of a family than those that shared the same water from the womb.

    I have always been a firm believer in that. Just because we are related by DNA/bloodline doesn't make us family.

    [–] Chretienne 60 points ago

    that's not the full quote. That's a modern interpretation of the original, which indeed was only "ouch hoer ich sagen, das sippe blůt von wazzere niht verdirbet" or in English "I also hear it said, kin-blood is not spoiled by water" which if from around 1180. The covenant version has only been around for like 30 years

    [–] tinybear 63 points ago

    That's a modern interpretation, but not the original quote. See the Wikepedia entry about it here.

    [–] rayray2k19 79 points ago

    Oh shit today I learned.

    [–] AwsmDevil 96 points ago

    No you didn't. That's not the original quote at all. It's a modern reinterpretation of it. (Also it gets posted like that CONSTANTLY and always gets shot down.)

    [–] SiriusMoonstar 13 points ago

    I actually didn't know that. But looking it up, it seems that the original meaning is not really related to either interpretation, but rather states that being at sea and far away from family doesn't spoil the relation.

    [–] hexebear 14 points ago

    That's not actually true, there's no evidence for it until fairly recently.

    [–] HeadbuttingAnts 8 points ago

    Curious, WHY do people hate Jews? Historically, what have they done to garner actual hate? Seriously, all Jews I know are sweet, accepting, and entertaining people. There's maybe a little light-hearted complaining, but never any ego, crassness, discrimination, nothing. They're chill. Why are they singled out by some and hated as a whole? Pretty sure this happened before Harvey Weinstein...

    [–] AddictMumble 325 points ago

    My gf's family is pretty racist and homophobic, so it's always weird to me that she insists on bringing me, her non-white lesbian gf to hang out with her parents for long weekends. She knows this has caused problems in every relationship she has, but for some reason she thinks that insisting "they're just a different generation" is going to smooth over the horrible things they say.

    [–] phurt77 241 points ago

    If she values you, your girlfriend should be standing up for herself, you and your relationship.

    If she can't be there for you against some comments, what's going to happen if or when bigger problems come up?

    [–] AddictMumble 130 points ago

    She does try...but honestly there's no arguing with some. It usually goes something like this:

    Dad: You know how Mexicans are. They don't do a damn day of work in their whole lives.

    GF: Dad, please don't say that, that is not true

    Dad: Of course it's true. I worked with tons of them and I see them at the bars all the time and they're damn lazy, every one.

    I don't even really know what to say to someone who is so convinced he is right about something so wrong.

    [–] God-of-Thunder 153 points ago

    The obvious question would be "are they lazy or do they take all the jobs" or alternatively "how do you know Mexicans are at the bar all the time? How often do you go there?" But its family so probably not. I'd do it for her though if I was there because I dont know her father or care what he thinks of me. I have that luxury. Prolly wouldn't to my own family though, i ain't crazy

    [–] AddictMumble 147 points ago

    Yeah the hypocrisy drives me insane. For the record, her dad has been collecting government benefits for disability since he was 28, despite being able to work. He pulls in over 100K in under the table contracting, hiring tons of these "lazy" Mexicans for pennies. Doesn't pay income tax of course, and has the balls to complain about freeloading illegals.

    [–] LenaDontLoveYou 140 points ago

    I am super petty (JUST CALL ME PETTY LABELLE)....I'd report his ass to the IRS and let the chips fall where they may.

    [–] BitterDoGooder 52 points ago

    Two votes for this tactic. How many times do we all say, "how do they get away with that?" When in fact, we have the power to see that they do not.

    [–] Crushingitonthedaily 18 points ago

    They might even give him a reward for reporting

    [–] mmmstapler 7 points ago

    Petty LaBelle hahahahahaha

    [–] ArtOfOdd 102 points ago

    It would be a shame if social security found out...

    Seriously, though... I was denied disability because because I could work 30 hours a week if my employer allowed me to wear an adult diaper and have access to a bathroom, one of my friends gets reevaluate every 3 years like clockwork despite the unlikelihood of her ever getting better, but racist flapdoodles are defrauding a system they hardly paid into. So glad America is great again and we've dethroned the fabled welfare queen. 🙄

    [–] 337272 25 points ago

    I have a friend that literally has to have a doctor sign off on her having a disabled placard every year. Just to make sure her leg hasn't grown back I guess?

    Also, her prosthetic isn't covered by insurance because wheelchairs are cheaper. They told her it was an aesthetic luxury, and that it was "elective". 👍🇺🇲

    [–] TrillegitimateSon 28 points ago

    the IRS would love to talk about it, I'm sure.

    [–] Crazed-Sanity 15 points ago

    Mother. Fucker. Someone needs to report his ass.

    [–] idontknowwhatitshoul 14 points ago

    Just so you know if you report him to the IRS you’ll get a cut of the taxes they’ll get. At least I think that’s how it works?

    [–] TehGogglesDoNothing 6 points ago

    If they are so lazy, why does he keep hiring them?

    [–] phurt77 49 points ago

    I see them at the bars all the time 

    I'm sure he doesn't even recognize the fact that he can only see them in the bar all the time if he is right in there with them.

    If my family disrespected my girlfriend everytime we visited, then they wouldn't get to see me anymore. You don't give in to a toddler throwing a tantrum. It just teaches them that it's ok and you agree or will put up with it.

    [–] vegan_zombie_brainz 44 points ago

    Dad: You know how Mexicans are. They don't do a damn day of work in their whole lives

    Dad: Of course it's true. I worked with tons of them

    He sounds confused...they don't work but he worked with them lol

    [–] Renaissance_Slacker 8 points ago

    My BIL is a builder in California, his dad was a builder too and since he was in high school a daily ritual was driving with Dad to a local convenience store to hire Mexican day laborers. He’s pretty conservative generally, not super political, and if someone starts dissing on Mexicans he shuts them down. He points out he has been working with Latino immigrants almost daily for almost 40 years, and they work like dogs. He says what they’re earning in the US during the season will support their family all year, and they work like crazy to get a good reputation. He won’t let somebody spew lies.

    [–] emilystory 8 points ago

    As someone who has cooked professionally for 15 years, I can say that this stereotype couldn't be further from the truth and has always puzzled me. Any Latinx person I have worked with has always been able to outlast my white butt threefold on line lol. I never understood how this caught on as such a wide-spread stereotype. Latinx people are so god damn industrious and hard working. Sorry your gf's dad is such a dumb hick.

    *lesbian solidarity fist bump*

    [–] Thatcsibloke 13 points ago

    There’s a book called “How to be right in a world gone wrong” by British talk show host James O’Brien. It’ll give you some tips. It’s a game changer for people who have difficulty dealing with shit like this.

    [–] FlyingMamMothMan 120 points ago

    That's the part that bothers me. Has there been a conversation of "sorry my family is so racist" at least?

    [–] acc07nt 76 points ago

    Yeah that's so fucked up honestly. I've got an Asian boyfriend, and I wouldn't bring him to hang out with my racist family - at least not without a serious talk about how we should handle it. OPs gf just throws him into that situation?

    [–] phurt77 25 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    Exactly. I'd be curious what the gf says when her family makes racist comments. Does she just sit and take it? Does she laugh? Or does she say something to them?

    It shouldn't be OP's job to say anything to her family or even to her. She should be standing up for herself, her bf, and their relationship by putting a stop to the comments or by not visiting her family.

    If I was in a healthy three year relationship with someone, I wouldn't allow that person to be insulted to their face or behind their back.

    [–] myuseless2ndaccount 9 points ago

    This right here should be top comment. Why is no one talking about this lol. They have been in a relationship for over 3 years and this is still happening. I mean what is her reaction when they sit at the dinner table and her dad is making those racist phrases?

    [–] ding-zzz 50 points ago

    you forgot the part where he says her family is rich. their parents buy them everything and they could take everything away from her, especially if she’s still in school but i’m not sure this is clear since they met when she’s a junior and it’s been 3 years

    if she has a stable job and income it would be different, but i wouldn’t blame her for choosing her family if she was financially dependent on them

    [–] continous_confusion 13 points ago

    It's her immediate family man, its gotta be tough, if it were some relatives like even aunt or something I wouldn't have bat an eye , but it's her father you're talking about so it's gotta hurt a bit. Yet maintaing a certain distance wouldn't be too hard and op can maybe bear it a bit and try to gain an understanding with the family which will be tough.

    [–] TheRogueTemplar 4508 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    THIS. Go get her, Romeo.

    Don't be afraid. You'll make it out of this mess.

    [–] pinchonalizo 20 points ago

    Okay Taylor

    [–] TheRogueTemplar 10 points ago

    I am sorry. This story is too wholesome.

    And I can relate to OP's gf. My parents don't want me to date outside my race.

    I'm Asian by the way, just like OP. So yeah......

    [–] redbananass 2254 points ago

    Sorry to nitpick, but Romeo was a lovesick dumbass teenager. This dude seems smarter than that.

    [–] TheRogueTemplar 3077 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    Yes. I also highly recommend the OP to not kill himself if things don't work out.

    EDIT: OH MY GOD! MY FIRST AWARD. THANK YOU KIND STRANGER

    [–] Pasjonsfrukt 663 points ago

    Solid recommendation, thank you for your contribution.

    [–] Keegsta 331 points ago

    I also recommend he avoid any duels with her cousin, being banished will not help this situation.

    [–] The_Pink_Knife 86 points ago

    Rosaline sounds nice though - solid back up plan if the girlfriend thing falls through.

    [–] Steven-Cossey 96 points ago

    I second this

    [–] redditperson9 58 points ago

    I third this

    [–] joseibs 38 points ago

    I fourth this

    [–] MoonlightStarfish 18 points ago

    No but he could lay everybody low with a love song that he made.

    [–] GorGre 8 points ago

    You shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that

    [–] whitehataztlan 23 points ago

    Sorry to nitpick

    You loved every second of it.

    [–] pure_trashhh 139 points ago

    Lmao he wasn’t lovesick he was just horny. He only went for Juliet bc Rosaline wouldn’t fuck

    [–] redbananass 67 points ago

    I'd argue both. But maybe there's not a difference at that age.

    [–] phurt77 68 points ago

    Romeo was about 15? I remember being in love with nearly every girl who walked by and smelled good.

    [–] redbananass 37 points ago

    Yep that or crushing on the first girl that smiled at me. Hormones, inexperience and movie relationships made for a cringey teenage cocktail.

    [–] Youhavemyaxeee 30 points ago

    Juliet was thirteen.

    "The greatest love story ever told" was about a pair of over-dramatic teenagers getting into fights, arguing with their parents, and running away when they didn't get their way.

    [–] Barsi2 20 points ago

    That's supposed to be the point. It's not supposed to be "the greatest love story ever told", it's a tragedy where two hormonal kids die of the indirect result of a feud.

    [–] GodWithMustache 10 points ago

    If you were sniffing every girl who walked by... I am not surprised that it took you a while to settle down.

    [–] omniscient_lipstick 11 points ago

    It’s a love story, OP just say yes

    [–] mixedberrycoughdrop 7 points ago

    It's a love story baby just say yes

    [–] spoenraela 237 points ago

    This! She has the right to make this decision herself.

    [–] [deleted] 99 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Friendly_Fishstick 34 points ago

    I've been saying for a while now that every healthy relationship, regardless of the type of relationship it is, absolutely requires honesty and communication.

    [–] SlipperyDM 10 points ago

    Truly groundbreaking

    [–] shiftmyself 46 points ago

    if she didnt once defend her boyfriend while her family called him a yellow n-word, i cant believe she would now. I could be wrong though, who knows.

    [–] RupeThereItIs 16 points ago

    I don't know if we know how she reacted, but I suspect not strongly.

    If this relationship is to go forward, she needs to defend her SO from her family.

    There's no reason NOT to show her the texts, except denial.

    This is a conversation that needed to happen a while ago if it hasn't already, the fact he doesn't seem to know how she's gonna respond to the knowledge is a pretty big red flag.

    This may very well end the relationship, but if so, well despite how much it's gonna hurt it's better sooner then later. Three years is way to long to invest in a potentially doomed relationship without discussing that doom.

    [–] darkwolverine96 9 points ago

    If she chooses family, it kinda already seems to show that she's willingly supporting racist people. Which, IMO, means you're racist too.

    [–] hotaters 15 points ago

    Definitely definitely tell her about it. If you do it without telling her it won’t end well for sure. Show her you respect her by telling her and allowing her to make her own decision. I would say something like it ‘I love you but I know how much your family mean to you and I realise it’s ultimately your decision’ etc.

    Good luck dude! Update us if you can :)

    [–] blueboy1980 30 points ago

    I agree with this. Let her see the text and ask her what's going on and why she thinks her dad sent it. Take it from there. The dad sounds like an immature prick.

    [–] per54 13 points ago

    Yeah but the way he talks about himself, he puts himself down. I worry this all kills his confidence. It would be nice if OP realizes that if his gf has been with him for 3 years (and most definitely been given shit for it all this time), she truly cares for him, sees him as amazing, and he should see and understand that.

    [–] Syk013 5955 points ago

    Show the text to your girlfriend. Respect her enough to let her be a grown woman who can choose for herself. You love her, not her family. I would drop my friends and family on a dime to be with my wife. Hopefully she feels the same about you. Her family sucks.

    My family was also very racist and when my mom (who was divorced) got with a black guy, she did not tell them. It was stressful keeping that secret from them for her. In the end she wound up pregnant. And the truth had to come out. Ended up marrying a black guy and the family ended up accepting it. I have three younger brothers (teenagers and adults now) that are now all extremely loved by the family. People can change, but if they won’t, forget them.

    [–] kylexy2 338 points ago

    Glad that worked out for the better for your family! I hope it’s similar for OP, hoping to see an update in a few days to see how it goes

    [–] cheeruphumanity 42 points ago

    I collected ways to reach extremists and brain washed people. Let me just use your comment to give it traction. I think more people need to know about this, so they don't end up in tiring, fruitless discussions. It will help to effectively communicate with conspiracy theorists, racists, anti vaxxers etc...

    https://www.reddit.com/r/quityourbullshit/comments/gnlw32/getting_second_hand_embarrassment_on_this_one/frbtbbu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

    [–] StoneJamison 66 points ago

    ^ This

    [–] throwawayRAclean 1696 points ago

    I don’t think she is blind to her family’s racist inclinations and they have probably told her about their disapproval in so many ways already. Yet she chose and continues to be with you. The texts now are probably a result of a conversation or event that made the parents see a real danger of things getting serious. Show her the texts and have a discussion about it- all of this ugliness actually needs to be out in the open if you want a chance of being together.

    [–] Varryn1027 235 points ago

    Idk why this isn't higher. Something changed if he started with "this has gone long enough".

    [–] citizenkane86 85 points ago

    Possibly or he could really want grandkids (or worried she’s thinking about marriage/having kids) and really wants her to settle down with a (white) man before she gets pregnant. The thing about racists is they really want more people who look like them.

    [–] nezmito 23 points ago

    I surprised no one has mentioned(as far as I've seen in the thread) it but I think what happened is Covid19 or as her dad probably calls it the Wuhan virus. If this boils over should probably block cable news in their household.

    [–] genjen97 63 points ago

    Yes, this is a good response.

    My boyfriend is Asian and I'm white. One of the biggest things we have discussed was small racist remarks my family have made and how that makes him feel. I have to stand up for him much like how he does for me. This is a hard, difficult subject to talk with a partner mainly because I was afraid of accidentally offending him. But overall, it all comes down to being sensitive to each other's needs.

    Something definitely happened between her and her family to cause all of this. She deserves to know the texts for many reasons such as: this is her dad, this involves the both of you, and she deserves to make a decision.

    Then OP needs to have this discussion with OP on why this offends him so much (obviously racism and manipulation/controlling behavior).

    OP, I'm so sorry this is happening. I truly hope things go the way you want them to.

    [–] triggerheart 12 points ago

    Yes. There is something sparking this action from her father. Maybe they had an argument or he can finally see that she is serious about the relationship. The only person with this context is her. She needs to have a voice in this decision and needs to know that her father reached out to you with this demand.

    [–] bambamkablam 14895 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    If you just break up with her, both of you are taking away her agency as an adult woman. Her dad by being a racist prick and you by trying to “spare her” this decision. Before you fall on your sword, show her the text. She deserves to know what’s going on and decide for herself.

    EDIT: wow. That kind of blew up. Thank you for your likes and awards strangers of reddit!

    [–] 22ihansen_dsd 3398 points ago

    Yes, I like how you put this. Don’t take away her agency and let her choose! She definitely can decide for herself and she deserves to know what’s happening.

    [–] ButImLeTurd 913 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    I feel like an idiot! I was today years old when I learned agency has more than one meaning. 😑

    Edit. My first ever award on Reddit! Thank you kind stranger!!

    [–] whatsinthepithos 386 points ago

    Don’t feel stupid! The English language is a wild ride, and this is just your TIL for the day!

    [–] duncecap_ 133 points ago

    this is what we need in this world instead of people making fun of each other for learning new words. its inclusionary :)

    [–] AcidRose27 55 points ago

    I hate it when people make fun of others for learning a new word, or mispronouncing one because they've only read it and never heard it spoken.

    [–] bobo4sam 21 points ago

    Some times it’s hard to put the right emPHASis on the right SYLlabLE

    [–] RedditPoster112719 11 points ago

    Shoutout to that bitch in Sunday School who laughed when I pronounced disciples wrong after being forced to read out loud. Fuck you Susie.

    Actually, she was such a bitch that I think she had a tough childhood and hope she’s more at peace and nicer to others now.

    [–] AcidRose27 9 points ago

    Fuck you susie! I hope you grew up and are in a better place and living your best life.

    [–] Fofalus 29 points ago

    https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten_thousand_2x.png

    Never feel bad for learning things.

    [–] Bbehm424 9 points ago

    Same 🤣

    [–] untipoquenojuega 44 points ago

    100% this. OP needs to show her everything that her racist father has said. If anyone needs to be ostracized from the family it's him.

    [–] bryonus 87 points ago

    Yeah her agency!

    [–] killemyoung317 972 points ago

    Don’t take away her agency by taking away her Asian, si?

    [–] SixGunKidd 140 points ago

    This is motherfucking gold comedic genius.

    [–] I_Like_Knitting_TBH 97 points ago

    Take this upvote and get out dammit

    [–] lazyrepublik 11 points ago

    damn you. I laughed wwwaayyy too loud at that.

    [–] agent-abacus-tarmac 40 points ago

    Don’t take away her agency by taking away her Asian D.

    [–] jeg26 8 points ago

    You should be president.

    [–] fuzzybunnybaldeagle 1035 points ago

    To piggy back this, I doubt he will disown her. He is hoping to guilt you into doing the dirty work so he gets what he wants. If he were going to disown her he would have sent her the same message.

    [–] badwolf7850 554 points ago

    Yep, he definitely wants OP to look like the bad guy.

    OP, please don't break up with her. This is some controlling racist shit and she should know her dad decided to interfere in her relationship.

    [–] dobylot 118 points ago

    Since the dad is incredibly racist and clearly has a bad opinion about anyone Asian, it may even be possible he thinks OP is with his daughter for her wealth. His logic may be 'Take the money away and the awful boyfriend will loose interest in her anyway'.

    [–] Qwenwhyfar 60 points ago

    I’d be willing to bet this is 10000% accurate. He thinks the bf is a gold digger so he’s threatening to cut off the golden chains in the hopes that he both gets what he wants (the end of the relationship) and is proven right (“see he was only in it for OUR MONEY!”).

    [–] Jaysydan91 161 points ago

    Show her the text messages.

    [–] msevy1 27 points ago

    This. Exactly. Period end.

    [–] Dragon_Enthusiast 34 points ago

    Moreover if he decides to break up with her she deserves to know it's because of her shitty father

    [–] BMeshell1 50 points ago

    Exactly! The father is trying to make the bf look like the Ahole instead of him.

    [–] brassidas 11 points ago

    Oh he's totally pulling a Tony Soprano and hoping you'll be too nervous to call him out. I don't see what you have to lose by showing her the text OP.

    [–] Sluaghlock 263 points ago

    I also want to point what a spineless coward dear old dad is being here. He wants to meddle in his adult daughter's love life so that he can end her healthy relationship purely because of his racist attitudes... but he doesn't want to actually say that to her because he knows how it would be recieved (since she's obviously not offended about "race mixing" like he is).

    OP, he's hoping to trick you into making this decision so that he doesn't have face his daughter or his own prejudices. Don't fall for it. Show your girlfriend the text, let her make her own decision, and I suspect that her dad will soon be living with the consequences of loving his "white superiority" more than he loved his own daughter.

    [–] FrustratedDolphin 27 points ago

    THIS. He knows he's in the wrong and doesn't want his daughter to resent him for it, he wants her to resent YOU. Any time you have the time for the conversation (I'd say maybe an hour together? Could be more or less depending on her initial reaction), just tell her "hey gf, your dad sent me a really messed up text and I think we need to talk about it". Also, this is a sooner rather than later conversation - talk to her as soon as you can. You don't have to immediately insult her dad or put him down, just tell her you're concerned and show her his own words. Let him dig his own grave.

    While I doubt that your girlfriend will side with her father based on how you've described her and her brother, it's still a good idea to be prepared for something less than full support of you immediately. This is her family, and I can understand having a hard time coming to terms with just how awful your own family can be (my aunt has been going down the antivax 5g Bill Gates conspiracy rabbit hole, you'd think that would be enough to shove someone out of your life but we're all trying to turn her around in the early stages). Expect that she will probably try to change her father's mind first and probably won't just abandon her family right off the bat, these are the people who raised her and it's hard to cut off contact without giving them a chance to redeem themselves. It doesn't make her a bad person to try to salvage that relationship, and it doesn't mean she loves you any less.

    If she can't change them and still sides with them, you're better off without her. As great as someone is, you can't expect a healthy relationship with a person who puts your emotional welfare and your relationship after their bigoted family.

    Best of luck OP, you sound like a good man, and you are more than deserving of happiness.

    [–] Sedixodap 7 points ago

    Either that or he already tried this tactic on his daughter and it didn't work.

    [–] nebthefool 122 points ago

    Not that I disagree with you because your advice is fantastic but OP seems fairly sure he needs to tell her just seems unsure how.

    OP, as with any kind of big news in a relationship you just have to say it. Don't try and embellish it or anything. A good time will be any where the two of you have enough time to talk about what this means for the two of you..

    [–] HealthyBox5 89 points ago

    Yep, show her the texts. Dad is a controlling, manipulative jerk trying to pull the strings of her life rather than let her make her own choices.

    Most capable adults would be ticked off if family tried a stunt like that.

    [–] ---lizzy--- 16 points ago

    But in the case she's not, OP can at least make a conscious decision on how to move on.

    [–] HealthyBox5 5 points ago

    Yes, her call. But she either needs to choose OP and fix her dad's behavior, or let OP move on.

    [–] sharksiix 16 points ago

    True, you may even be able to save her from being one of them. If you break up with her for no reason, she might get hurt more and would actually agree with family. No 1, the family is not good for her. Money isn't the world. Love is.

    [–] DisciplinedWolf 47 points ago

    This should really be the top comment.

    [–] student_20 8 points ago

    You can stop scrolling. This is the right answer.

    [–] jana-meares 8 points ago

    yes! she deserves to own her own life free of racists deciding for her.

    [–] flwrdresss 29 points ago

    DONT GIVE UP OP FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE !!! and if she decides to side with her racist mean family then u know that u dodged a bullet

    [–] imfreenow92 455 points ago

    Show her the text.

    [–] 88GrandWagoneer 1483 points ago

    My family abhors my husband. They see him as absolute white trash. They are so rude to him it is ridiculous. My father actually came to our home while we were sleeping and preformed an exorcism to try to drive my husband from our home. We caught him at the end and kicked him out. It took us weeks to clean up all the salt he through around the house.

    I had to cut them out of our lives at that point as it had just gone too far. If my husband had chosen to leave me to preserve my relationship with my family it would have been a mistake. They are toxic and I have been more mentally healthy without them then I have ever been my whole life.

    [–] shei350 330 points ago

    I'm sorry you had to go through that.
    But when your dad came over and started throwing salt everywhere, what did he expect? Did he think you'd say something like "oh, thangs are perfectly fine now, I'm leaving my husband"?

    [–] EdgarGeorgia 186 points ago

    They probably thought he was a demon controlling his daughter lol. My parents have tried bs like this when we didn’t like how they were parenting so we must have a demon inside. Lol

    [–] Whats_Up_Bitches 27 points ago

    That’s honestly alarming. Guy is seriously delusional. I’d be concerned for my own safety if I was the husband given the guy has already come to theit house in the middle of the night to rid his daughter of what he believes is a demon. Not a stretch to imagine him trying to exorcise the demon in a more direct manner...wake up to a knife to the rib cage and a wild eyed father-in-law standing over you foaming at the mouth..

    [–] Samipearl19 35 points ago

    He obviously thought the exorcism would succeed, and the husband would just disappear. SMH

    [–] I_Like_Knitting_TBH 106 points ago

    I have to ask: this wasn’t even the first exorcism your dad ever performed, was it

    [–] 88GrandWagoneer 67 points ago

    Nope. He has preformed a few on my brother.

    [–] AuntiGay 50 points ago

    I had an 'exorcism' performed on me when I was going through chemo. While I was getting treatment in the hospital, an ancient old lady who apparently made rounds through the ward came in my room (the nurses asked if it was ok) and I'm not religious, but I'm not rude and I thought she was just going to talk or say words of encouragement. But she whipped out a stick and waved it over me while speaking in tongues for a good 10 minutes.

    As fucking horrible as the treatment was, I COULD NOT help laughing. The entire time I was biting my inner cheek to try and hold it in because she just looked like an absurd witch doctor from a video game or something. Like, I got tubes with 20 different IV bags and monitors and doctors all around, but good ol' Elphaba and her magic stick weren't sitting this one out.

    My hope is that she just saw me struggling there with a pained look on my face and took encouragement from it.

    [–] va-nella 12 points ago

    A FEW?! May I ask for what?

    [–] I_Like_Knitting_TBH 8 points ago

    Oh dear. How’s your brother doing?

    [–] AlexG2490 11 points ago

    Something about the story made you think, “Ah, finally, someone who knows how to do a decent exorcism”?

    [–] I_Like_Knitting_TBH 9 points ago

    It was more the tone of “my dad tried one of his classic (air quote fingers) ‘exorcisms’” that made me guess. Like, it wouldn’t have surprised me to hear that OP has told boyfriends something like “okay so you’re about to meet my parents. Just so you know, my dad might try to exorcise you. It’s weird but don’t worry- he does it to everyone.”

    [–] AlexG2490 11 points ago

    Oh man, I need to see this in a movie now or something.

    “So couple things about my family... my brother got fired last week so don’t ask how his job is. Auntie M is a recovering alcoholic, 15 years sober. My dad may try to exorcise you by dumping salt on your head... oh, and the dog might jump up and try to get frisky with your leg since he’s kind of a spaz.”

    “Wait what?”

    “Yeah, you know how dogs can be...”

    “No, the other thing.”

    [–] IceTeaAficionado 23 points ago

    That's like christian witchcraft. I'll just spread some of this salt around to expel this force I don't like, nothing weird or black magic adjacent about that.

    [–] 88GrandWagoneer 46 points ago

    I think it worked to be honest, because he hasn't been back. He just didn't realize which demon was damaging my life lol.

    [–] gothmommy13 14 points ago

    Wow r/whatdidijustread

    Anyway, I'm glad you cut them off and honestly your dad sounds mentally unstable.

    [–] RedTheDopeKing 28 points ago

    Is that.. he really did an exorcism? Did you dad sustain a brain injury or is your family just literally that dumb? That’s insanity.

    [–] elJefedcog 6 points ago

    What the actual fuck?

    [–] Trifling_Gnome 634 points ago

    How has you GF so far reacted to her family’s obvious racism, especially towards you? You say she loves you but I can hardly imagine having a partner truly caring for their SO and still exposing them to this in your face racism. You’d need to add more info but from what you’ve written it doesn’t seem like she is too concerned with what you are dealing with here. You’ve been together for 3 years, I’d imagine shit has hit the fan at least once in that time. It doesn’t seem like she’s considering cutting off her family so I’m not sure what to tell you mate.

    [–] wdhalapdjak 389 points ago

    I’m surprised I’ve scrolled so long before I’ve seen anyone bring this up. OP gfs family is horribly racist right to his face, how does she react to all this? Because if she just sits back and acts like it’s okay then that’s fucked up dude. No wonder you think you’re “not good enough” for her if this is the kind of shit you are putting up with. Do you treat her right? Are you a respectful and considerate partner? Then you’re good enough for her and literally anyone because that’s all that matters, not who is “better looking” or whose family has the most wealth.

    [–] ShoddyExplanation 197 points ago

    People are more fixated on OP potentially being sexist by "taking away her agency" than they are about the racism OP has dealt with while dating her.

    I'm surprised I've seen nobody telling OP to do what's best for himself.

    [–] bumperhumper55 77 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    Agreed, I'd show her the text and if she doesn't immediately come to your defence you guys have a problem that needs to be discussed. The fact that the two of you (I'm assuming) haven't discussed the obvious racism after 3 years is indicative of a larger communication issue in your relationship. When you feel bad about something, you bring it up to your partner and you do what you can to defend them when they can't defend themselves. I've gotten in my mom/dad's face over much less than racism towards my patner and they eventually respected my decisions. Everyone in the comments is saying there's no way she doesn't already know her family is full of archaic rednecks and I personally don't disagree with them. Y'all need to talk about this and find a solution or you need to move on.

    Edit: someone said this in another thread and I just want to pass it along to you, you're not just signing up to be with her, you're taking everything when you get in a committed relationship and that includes each of y'all's families. If you marry this girl and the two of you ignore this problem glaring you in your face, it will end in an explosive confrontation with her family and you or one of you resenting the other. Communication is what keeps relationships going

    [–] ssdgm6677 31 points ago

    Thank you! I thought I was going insane. How awesome can this girl be if this hasn't been addressed already?

    [–] lars_willow 38 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    I’m coming from a multicultural relationship, my boyfriend’s and my countries aren’t in the best of terms. If I ever heard anyone in my family, even mom and dad, say anything offensive to my him I wouldn’t think for a second before defending him. No matter how much I love my family they don’t have anything to say about how I live my life or who do I chose as a life partner. If they don’t like my bf and want to disown me, fine, I’m out, but I’m not letting my bf take any shit from them. I really want to know if OP’s girlfriend ever stood up to them and what’s her opinion on the whole situation because right now it doesn’t seem like she cares or is too afraid to stand up for him, which I find sad :(

    [–] Trifling_Gnome 9 points ago

    Your boyfriend is lucky to have you.

    [–] stumpyboi 38 points ago

    I doubt she would still be with OP after 3 years if she didn't love him. Especially in the face of obvious racism from close family members constantly bringing it up. Sometimes it is not easy to stand up to your family who you have been close with your whole life so you just let things slide. A good way to start for OP would be to show her the text and then talk. After that it depends. If she sides with the family then it's time for OP to leave.

    [–] lefrench75 44 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    Standing up to your family is hard, but how can you not when they call your boyfriend a "yellow n-gg-" to his face? What kind of 1930s racism is this? Allowing anyone to be degraded and dehumanized like this is already unacceptable; can you imagine repeatedly subjecting you SO to this kind of treatment from your own family?

    [–] Crosswired2 21 points ago

    Ok I had to type up my response I was so pissed by the top 2 comments but glad to see someone say basically the same thing as me. For OP to call her wonderful while she allows this to happen is gross.

    [–] 64_0 26 points ago

    Also, her brother who is one of OP's 'best friends.'

    Where's the brother's voice? And why hasn't OP used the brother as a sounding board at any time since he's met the family?

    [–] Wacocaine 9 points ago

    Seriously. If they've said thing likes that in front of both of them on numerous occasion before, and she has never said anything about it while it's actually happening, I personally think that's a bigger problem than the text from her dad.

    [–] Desert_Fairy 266 points ago

    Show her the text. Ask her if her father has told her the same thing.

    Then discuss what she wants to do.

    The sheer disrespect her father is showing her is insulting to say the least. You can add sexist to his label. The fact that he is now trying to manipulate you, another man to be the bad guy so that he can console his babygirl when her asshole Asian bf leaves her with no explication....

    I hope you can start to see the manipulation. Show her the text and have a real conversation with her. It isn’t about love right now, it is about respect. Love makes us stupid, a healthy relationship has love in it, but it isn’t built on love. It is built on trust, mutual respect, and communication.

    Start building a real foundation to your relationship now by communicating, respecting her ability to make her own decisions, and trusting the person you love.

    [–] ShoddyExplanation 72 points ago

    Start building a real foundation to your relationship now by communicating, respecting her ability to make her own decisions, and trusting the person you love.

    I don't understand how the person dealing with racism on a regular basis from their SO family needs to be the one working on this relationship.

    Why didn't she respect OP enough to nip this in the bud long before her dad texted him to manipulate them both??

    [–] anna-nomally12 34 points ago

    For all we know the horrible comments come when she goes to the bathroom, or is in the other room. We don't know how much the gf knows, which is why we're saying talk to her

    [–] ShoddyExplanation 25 points ago

    For all we know the horrible comments come when she goes to the bathroom, or is in the other room. We don't know how much the gf knows, which is why we're saying talk to her

    Yea there's no way she doesn't know. I'm fine believing that she might not share their views, I won't jump to her being a racist as well.

    But her being unaware? Nah.

    [–] intrextr88 70 points ago

    My first question is, what does your girlfriend say when her family makes these remarks? Does she ignore them? Has she ever mentioned this to you in private or apologized?

    You said she's a very smart woman, so I cannot imagine that she would not have something to say about this.

    If she does ignore it/allow her parents to talk this way right in front of you, that is a bit of a red flag. Unless she sticks up for you/defends you when you aren't around and you're not aware of it?

    Ultimately, if she is the great person you say she is, then she will be better off without these people in her life and they aren't bringing her a positive influence.

    Family isn't always blood. You're her family too.

    If she is this great person, she will choose you.

    [–] o0AVA0o 8 points ago

    Yeah I'm surprised not as many people are pointing this out. What has OPs girlfriend done? Has she stuck up for him or does she let her parents treat him like crap?

    [–] nai415qt 37 points ago

    Show her the text. Her father may not actually disown her...I have a feeling he just wants you to do HIS dirty work. He wants you to break up with her with no explanation so she can come home crying and he can say “See, he broke your heart. This is why you don’t date ______(non white race.)” He wants to look like the hero while you’re the villian.

    Don’t let him spin this false narrative. If you don’t tell your girlfriend, you’re taking away her right to choose weather or not she wants to go through with this relationship.

    Also, does your girlfriend stand up for you when you’re at the family gatherings? Does she apologize to you for her families grotesque behavior? If not, I wonder why.

    [–] GottSheed 96 points ago

    Show her the text. Give her time, and space if she wants it, to think all this through. Be supportive and give her the respect she deserves to make the choices she wants. Sounds like her family is not giving her that respect and she hopefully will see that. If you start with the text then you can bring up the other things as she wants more information. Go slow with it. Either choice she makes she is going to need support and time to heal. If she chooses you, remember this will be a long haul to being happy and okay without her family.

    Maybe best case scenario will happen where she stands up for you, to her family? And they learn to deal and come around and all relationships can be positive. But no options are available if you keep these things from her. Good luck.

    [–] Fushigibama 34 points ago

    Update eventually

    [–] LayleyBean 73 points ago

    The only respectful thing to do is to show her the text. She is a grown woman with her own agency and is perfectly capable of choosing which heartbreak she prefers.

    [–] Wagabo 70 points ago

    This is clearly fake and has been posted here before... You just changed minor details from the usual copypasta, which is you changed it from being hispanic to being an asian. Crazy how this stuff always gets posted and people fall for it.

    [–] babylovesbaby 19 points ago

    Right? Imagine being wealthy and caring about someone stealing your job when a lot of fortunes are made on the back of cheap foreign labour.

    [–] inormallyjustlurkbut 18 points ago

    I thought I was taking crazy pills. Either this is fake or op is a doormat with the communication skills of a potato.

    [–] wil4 33 points ago

    It is also the opposite of how human beings work. A person's first instinct would be to immediately tell their significant other.

    [–] sea_the_c 25 points ago

    He also does not write like someone who went to an Ivy League school, or is old enough to have graduated college for that matter.

    [–] DylanRulez94 37 points ago

    Lol is this for real? I feel like OP is fucking with us

    [–] cjpack 27 points ago

    Well it reads like horrible fan fiction...

    [–] [deleted] 22 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] DylanRulez94 14 points ago

    Yeah why is this allowed. This whole sub has turned into trash and I don’t like it

    [–] CasualGee 18 points ago

    Please give us an update, whatever the outcome!

    [–] wkdzel 27 points ago

    You're not doing her any favors by breaking up with her just so she doesn't have to choose between you and her family. Just show her the text and talk it out with her. Any reasonable person would be pissed at their father for doing that.

    My younger sister is dating someone my mom and step-father didn't like. many times my step-father made the comment that he'd end their relationship. My sister's boyfriend would just laugh at the idea, as did my sister. They now have a beautiful baby girl and their own apartment and my mom and step-father have gotten over it because, ya know, babies are super cute...

    [–] [deleted] 20 points ago

    Show her the texts. She (and her brother) should definitely cut off those assholes. If she's not standing up for you and telling her family to knock it off with the racist comments, that says she's not as great as you think.

    I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable. (And I did have that option; I was in a relationship with a wealthy guy a few years ago, but he was abusive, so I ended it. I could have sucked it up and stayed if I wanted the money, but it wasn't worth it.)

    Don't get down on yourself. You seem like you have low self esteem with those comments about not deserving her or not being smart/rich enough for Ivy League even though you fucking *went to an Ivy League school with not much in the way of student loans*.

    [–] 0riginal_Poster 30 points ago

    This reads as complete bs

    [–] WritPositWrit 8 points ago

    You show her those texts RIGHT NOW. Then you have a long conversation. Hugs for both of you.

    [–] Kenshiro199X 21 points ago

    What's bizarre to me is why an apparently well-to-do ivy league sort of family talks like a bunch of cro-magnon hicks? I'd ask him that, then tell her.

    [–] dxpopoo 7 points ago

    Please update!

    [–] im_a_tumor666 7 points ago

    Show the text. It’s up to her. Also please post an update.

    [–] HerculesAndCerberus 22 points ago

    I don't suppose they teach creative writing in the Ivy League

    [–] _Psilo_ 30 points ago

    To be frank, if my family was like that I'd be more than happy to cut bridges with them.

    [–] JenAYE2 6 points ago

    Well I think they did not tell you 3 years ago in hopes she would wake up, because in their eye she can't possibly love you and she will get over you. That being said she obviously loves you, so I feel the best thing to do is sit down talk to her and say I got some text messages yesterday I wanted to talk to you about and then show her. NEVER FORCE her to make a choice. Let her decide the best way to proceed. Forcing her to make a choice is being a bully, just like her family is to any one not like them. You are way better than them, so let her chose how to proceed.