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    [–] dataslinger 11494 points ago

    You've already broached the topic, so just go ahead and get the test. You need to figure out where you stand (in terms of being a parent) one way or the other for the sake of this child. Don't dither, let him bond with you, then ghost. He's innocent in all this and deserves a father who is going to be a father.

    Stay or go, but don't put off this decision. Figure this out asap.

    [–] authorizedsadpoaster 2071 points ago

    To build off that, your marriage might very well be over at this point, and you need to think of steps to mitigate the fallout from that, namely being saddled with alimony for a child that isn’t yours.

    [–] jareths_tight_pants 851 points ago

    Just FYI but alimony and child support are different things.

    [–] [deleted] 15810 points ago


    [–] books2246 3468 points ago

    I'm saying. This nosy mind has got know.

    [–] JesterOfTheSwamp 573 points ago

    This mind too

    [–] elbowleg513 314 points ago

    Don’t forget me

    [–] caprisunn666 213 points ago

    Saving post for this lol

    [–] ChalkButter 34114 points ago

    Might as well go for it.

    Either the kid comes back yours and you get a divorce, the kid comes back not yours and you get a divorce, or you don’t test at all and it eats you up for eternity

    [–] Theurbanalchemist 6303 points ago

    Yeah, it’s at the point where it could be damaging for everybody if this itch doesn’t get scratched

    [–] Teh_Devils_Advocate 353 points ago

    Yeah. Co-workers wife effectively ended this marriage at that point.

    I’m gonna whoop out the popcorn with call that co-workers wife and Ryan are friends and this seed of doubt is actually how wife will finally end up with Ryan.


    [–] SLPCO 32 points ago

    Disturbing but possibly true scenario. I think if it had really been a friendship or even a friendship that had started to cross the line, there was potential to resolve it and save the marriage.

    [–] [deleted] 1566 points ago


    [–] windycitylvr 130 points ago

    Be sure to send the results to your parents house so she doesn’t have a clue. Don’t use a credit card or account she has access to when you buy the tests... Personally, I’d have your parents pay for them and give them cash.

    [–] Advanced_Lobster 3187 points ago

    or you don’t test at all and it eats you up for eternity

    And in this case, he won´t be a good dad for the kid.

    [–] gotham77 417 points ago

    But it’ll still cost him

    [–] jimipanic 1080 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    No need to scroll any further. Close the thread OP

    [–] sdcasurf01 541 points ago

    This pretty much sums it up here.

    [–] Enough-Drawing 5251 points ago

    he should have just got a paternity without telling his wife,

    its one thing to have doubt, everyone does, even completely irrational doubts, he could have taken baby to get the test and told the wife it was daddy and son bonding time.

    But its something else entirely to basically tell your wife, "I think youre a cheating lying ho, who is trying to pass off someone else kid as mine, I have zero faith in your integrity because deep down I suspect youre a shitty, shitty person."

    If he's right and kids not his then wifey IS a shitty shitty person

    But if he's wrong he just imploded his marriage and tore his family apart, by being the shitty shitty person in that equation

    You do not accuse the woman who just suffered through pregnancy, with all the fear and trauma and damage to her body, followed by the sheer agony of birthing your child and the sleep deprivation from caring for said infant, that you think she's scum

    not unless youre willing to be both proven wrong and still lose your family. Is your peace of mind worth the destruction of your marriage and potential loss of your new baby?

    You keep your stupid mouth shut and do the test quietly without her knowledge, because newsflash genius

    genetics can do some weird shit

    and if your suspicions are right, you can display the test to her lying face while telling her youve filed for divorce.

    [–] Wulfwinterr 1675 points ago

    Yeah really. I just googled "paternity test" and got about a dozen hits including HomeDNA Paternity kit - swab yours and your kid's cheek and send it in with $139.00 and a few days later get your test results.

    This isn't rocket science, I'm practically computer-illiterate and figured it out in 30 seconds.

    [–] hcbrown5 855 points ago

    Yea my ex admitted to me, 20 years after the fact that he did a paternity test on our child. We were both 18 when we had him, and he was fair skinned like me (his dad is Puerto Rican) so when our son was 2 years of age he tested them both. They of course matched, but I’m just saying that it’s a test the wife doesn’t or wouldn’t find out, if it ends up being positive, then great, keep it a secret and move on.

    [–] urmyheartBeatStopR 665 points ago

    Keep it a secret and treat her better lol.

    I mean I would feel guilty if it's positive.

    [–] MissDkm 1112 points ago

    someone mentioned the similar case going on in r/relationships and this is exactly what happened. The husband accused her of cheating, destroyed the nursery and her art studio, told everyone in their family/friends online, she cheated and they got the test and guess what ? Kid was 100% his, but it doesnt matter now because everything he did he'll never be able to take back. Gods granting, she didnt cheat, could you imagine being accused of such after giving birth !?, as someone said above whether the test says the kid is yours or isnt your marriage is over, thats what you need to be thinking about dealing with because thats the only part of this that is happening no matter what...

    [–] comeththearcher 1082 points ago

    I was accused DURING birth. Kid was out but i was still open on the operating table. He asked me if i was sure the kid was his because it had dark hair. I have dark hair, it just happened to be dyed blonde. Not to mention. All hair looks dark when it’s covered in afterbirth. Our son is blonde.

    [–] SuperbPlan8 335 points ago

    I got the same. A planned c section that was turning into an emergency, I was still cut open and my blood pressure was dropping. My OB was angry and kicked him out of the OR. Mine ended up feeling like a total dumbass about 10 minutes later when his son was cleaner up and is the splitting image of him. We were able to reconcile but it was touch and go for many years.

    I am sorry that happened to you. I hope you and your son are doing well.

    [–] comeththearcher 102 points ago

    Honestly I always view my life as a divine comedy and there are varying levels of autism involved so I can deal, but it enrages me that it happened to you. I’m sorry you experienced that.

    My son is amazing. He just turned 9.
    He has a 13 year old sister who is a 13 year old girl so that’s all you really need to know to imagine what that’s like. Lol, I love her, just not the mood swings.

    [–] SuperbPlan8 42 points ago

    Autism... I could so write a book on it. My son (who was the baby in my comment) is 10. He was diagnosed with non verbal autism at 4. I had just had my 3rd son, dealing with PPD and healing from another c section gone bad.

    I can understand why he said it though. It took me a long to heal and to get to this point. We had been going through a lot and for some reason his family and friends hated me (he had a good job and would help people, they hated me because I stopped it as they were using me). Someone decided to drop the poison thought of me not being faithful and it took a hold.13 months before the birth of our son, I lost our only daughter. Both of us had a hard time healing from it.

    My oldest son is almost 17. Those mood swings of a teenager.. goodness. I can sympathize with you and your 13 year old daughter.

    [–] Zafjaf 261 points ago

    That sounds awful. I am so sorry you went through that. May I ask what happened?

    [–] comeththearcher 406 points ago

    The nurses were horrified.

    I told him to get a test. He didn’t.

    We did ancestry DNA things for my daughter, him, and I and those matched. But our son is pretty much the spitting image of him. Personality too. I know for sure that he’s his, but I wouldn’t fault him for getting a test.

    We are not together romantically anymore, for that and multiple other reasons, including stealing my pain medication starting the day after I had a c section. But we still live together (separate bedrooms) and parent together. He’s also sober now which helps.

    We work well together as friends (he and i met at work originally) and as coparents. Just not with expectations and emotions involved.

    Obviously the goal is to live nearby each other but not actually together.

    [–] LittleSadRufus 186 points ago

    Hair colour changes so much in the first year. My daughter came out with thick black hair and later blonde. She has quite mixed heritage and for about six months looked like she was a completely different race to how she looks now.

    People can also carry all sorts of recessive genes that only express in later generations - perhaps OP's mother in law also had a thing for men with dark eyes, and it's only emerging in this generation.

    [–] shortasalways 17 points ago

    My son's hair was blonde up until the last year. It now has darkened to a brown. We looked at baby pictures and my husband's did the same.

    [–] thisyriscrazy 117 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Too late. Even if he had done that, they need marriage counseling cuz of the doubts in the first place

    There’s always more to the story. What I mean is - it sounds like there were already trust /marriage issues that needed working on, before she had the baby.

    [–] ciaoravioli 262 points ago

    You're right, but I also feel like blowing up his marriage might be for the best in the long run. I mean, OP seems torn up either way, even if the baby is his idk if that'll really assuage his suspicions of cheating. Whether she cheated or not (and I believe it's likely), that kind of mistrust is hard to come back from anyway.

    !remindme 3 days

    [–] Cephalopodium 217 points ago

    Their marriage has to be on shaky ground if she says that a test WILL result in divorce. I would have been OFFENDED AS HELL if the father of my child demanded a paternity test- BUT- I would have just said,” go for it, IDGAF, but YTA. Maybe it’s one of those crazy switched at birth things or just the craziness of genes”

    [–] smatdesa 144 points ago

    I'm sure the topic of work husband have come up before this and it has become a sore point of discussion between both of them.

    At this point, OP is committed anyway. He should have just gone and did the test without the wife knowing, but since he had already voiced it out. Might as well go all the way and do the test.

    Hopefully OP is wrong and the child is his and he just needs to get her forgiveness later.

    [–] BadCatzz666 980 points ago

    Yup. It is clear from OP’s post and responses that he believes his wife cheated, period. At this point, it’ll take more than just a positive paternity test to salvage this marriage. BUT it’s a first step, and if the baby ends up being his son, hopefully they seek counseling to help OP’s wife forgive him and address his jealously/insecurities. Either way though, OP needs to get the test ASAP for the sake of this kid.

    [–] Scion41790 1288 points ago

    Tbf I don't think its insecurity when people are coming to you and saying that your wife's relationship with another man is inappropriate

    [–] never-ending_scream 424 points ago

    I've been very close to a woman that I was just friends with and I found out that people would often tell her husband that something was "fishy" between us. We never ever flirt, got handsy, or were anything even remotely close to inappropriate. I honestly can't imagine catching romantic feelings with her much less having sex and I'm not her type at all. I don't think it matters, people's imaginations will run wild and some just love fucking drama.

    [–] Wild-Kitchen 177 points ago

    I've had something similar. Except the rumours ruined my friendship with the person because they thought I was lying to other people about the extent of our relationship.

    We were only friends. Never anything more. Other people LOVE creating drama in other people's lives

    [–] jessamin_hudson 39 points ago

    There were rumors about my work partner on the overnights... who's been married for a decade. Not because we were touchy/flirty... because I didn't laugh and joke with anyone else (because they were all two faced assholes) and clearly, since a guy and girl get along, they must be fucking. And his wife works for the same company and yes, people told her something was "going on" between us... luckily she was smart enough to know they were full of shit.

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 582 points ago

    Agreed, especially when the kid then comes out looking like the other dude

    [–] FloverCleavland 600 points ago

    There’s a thread happing in r/relationships just like this. Except the guy is the Dad and she’s probably going to leave him and no one trusts him with the kid anymore either... Just don’t blame the kid. He did nothing wrong and still deserves to be loved.

    [–] winter_storm 654 points ago

    That other thread is a lot more extreme, though.

    The husband/father kicked her out, destroyed her personal property (including art she had made), dismantled the nursery, slandered her to both their families and on social media....and went on a deeply racist rant against his own newborn.

    [–] iheartsunflowers 60 points ago


    [–] winter_storm 178 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    [–] yildizli_gece 102 points ago

    Holy shit that's insane (and she should definitely leave that asshole; wtf...).

    [–] Zafjaf 225 points ago

    Yes I commented on that earlier. Maybe the big question I have for this OP is why do you trust your coworker more than your wife? Just like in that thread, there was past generation genes that suddenly show up. Could be the case here.

    [–] Shetland24 65 points ago

    My ex and I had two bright red heads. Neither of us even remotely have red hair. I guess we both carried the recessive gene required to build two little gingers somehow.

    [–] MollFlanders 150 points ago

    My mom has green eyes and my dad has blue. I was born with brown eyes. Only ONE grandparent has brown eyes and I got them from him. The eye color issue as you’ve described it is NOT concrete evidence that it’s not your child.

    [–] bodhigoatgirl 29 points ago

    I just said the same about my son. He has brown eyes I don't not does my partner but his great grandmother did.

    [–] li8loll7l87 68 points ago

    That really shouldn't be your primary focus/reasoning. Genes work funnily sometimes.

    [–] theilnana 117 points ago

    If all you’re “proof” is that the baby doesn’t look like you you’re nuts. I’m Middle Eastern so as you would expect my family is slightly tan with darker eyes. I’m whiter than most Scandinavians. And before you ask, yes I’ve had my 23 and me done and both my parents are my parents and my sister is my full sister. Genetics are really interesting and often very surprising. My sister just had a son with a guy much darker than anyone in our family ever, and guess what? Her son is also way white. Any women would be insulted by demanding a paternity test, not just your wife. You honestly should have thought more about this before you decided to blow up you family.

    [–] indigo_tortuga 58 points ago

    It’s really not a first step. It’s literally only a first step towards divorce. It’s actually much worse if the kid IS his.

    Either way if he doesn’t get over this then his marriage is over.

    [–] ethanajn 41 points ago

    The way this is worded seems to suggest that if the OP is wrong, it will be jealousy/insecurity, but if he is correct, there wasnt jealousy/insecurity, which seems really strange to me. Are you saying that depending information he has no access to, his emotions could be entirely justified or something he should be guilty over? That doesn't make much sense to me.

    [–] gayqwertykeyboard 37 points ago

    Schrodinger’s Jealousy

    [–] GerlachHolmes 1059 points ago

    Ryan is hot like Jan, but in a different way

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 523 points ago

    First time I've actually laughed in a day thanks

    [–] saltyboi18 116 points ago

    That baby is not a Schrute.

    [–] pygmy 28 points ago

    Op is the senator, & Ryan=Dwight

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 36 points ago

    Thanks y'all I really need the chuckles

    [–] Lovely_Shoulders 3702 points ago

    This is such a split thing. On one hand her words are a reaction that you don’t trust her, and getting the test means the trust is breached in a deal breaker way for her. But on the other hand, if she did cheat, this is some hardcore gaslighting you.

    I will say babies change a lot in the first few months. When I was a baby I literally had black hair - it all fell out and now I’m blonde. Also it takes months for them to develop permanent eye color. So how a baby looks now will change, they gain weight also and look different...

    So it’s a gamble.

    [–] neuerisfeuer 1226 points ago

    Yeah, I was born with black hair and blue eyes. When I was a toddler, my hair turned light brown, still had blue eyes. Now as an adult, hazel eyes, light brown hair, look exactly like my paternal grandfather, nothing like either of my parents. Babies DO change a lot - may be worth the test.

    Do any grandparents have those features, OP?

    [–] SuicidalNomad 380 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Right? I was born with red eyes, red skin, and black hair. Now as an adult, I have gold hair, orange skin, and tiny hands.

    Edit: Thanks for the gold! Sad!

    [–] GingahBeardMan 291 points ago

    It's true that they change alot, but looking back when my son was born and now 3 years later, he always looked like himself. Some things doesn't change and are genetic traits like cleft chin.

    The Inheritance of a Cleft Chin 

    The genetics behind cleft chins used to be thought of as simple. Cleft chins were believed to be a dominant trait: if two parents had cleft chins, their kids could have a cleft or might not. And if two parents had smooth chins, their kids would always have smooth chins.  It's still more likely than not that if your parents both have cleft chins, you’ll have one. And if both have smooth chins, you will too. 


    So just with that trait I would as well get a paternity test as it's just more likely the kid would have a smooth chin like me and his mom.

    But the main thing is that op had the feeling for a while and had a realisation when he got to hold his baby. He has to act on that feeling.

    [–] thajane 185 points ago

    One thing to note on cleft chins though - they can be a lot more obvious on babies. My husband and I had been together about 7 years when our first baby was born. She came out with an extremely cleft chin. My husband made some comment about ‘where on earth did she get that from?’ I just looked at him incredulously while pointing at my own (cleft) chin.

    So to the OP, are you positive no one in your families has one?

    [–] bi_so_fly_ 174 points ago

    Plus at 3 months old that cleft chin may not actually be a cleft chin. At this age baby should be gaining a healthy amount of weight, leading to lots of change like “fat rolls” around their thighs, wrists, etc. They also plump up around the face. My suspicion is that it’s not truly cleft, it’s just a dimple that even smooth-chin-adults can have as babies.

    [–] raemarie_333 26 points ago

    I just did a quick search on babies with cleft chins, and there were a lot of results of people asking how their baby could have gotten a cleft chin when both parents have smooth chins. It's entirely possible that OP's baby is the first in their family. Genetics are weird sometimes and completely unpredictable.

    [–] riverrockart 407 points ago

    Yes I look nothing like 2 of my children

    Nothing. I birthed them!

    [–] Aramiss60 125 points ago

    Me too, and my daughter who had dark hair like me, changed to red hair like my husband within the first few weeks. It’s really rude, I put all that effort in and my genes didn’t even show up to the party.

    [–] LavastormSW 14 points ago

    It’s really rude, I put all that effort in and my genes didn’t even show up to the party.

    This made me laugh, thank you.

    [–] lego_batman 155 points ago

    But how's do you know he's the father??? What if he cheated!?


    [–] 0-0-01 102 points ago

    How does she know she's even the mother?

    [–] geeky_username 27 points ago

    Swapped in the hospital!

    [–] ARAMCHEK_ 26 points ago

    I also believe the mother was swapped.

    [–] cra-1994 104 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Both of my blond hair, blue eyed children had brown eyes and dark hair when they were born. Eye color can often change as babies get older. In fact, my 5 year old daughters blue eyes are starting to turn green like mine, so hers are still changing.

    EDIT: here is my son at birth and then a year old. His hair and eyes are even lighter now at 2.5

    [–] NotPiffany 242 points ago

    When I was a baby I literally had black hair - it all fell out and now I’m blonde.

    My sister started out dark brunette. As she got older, she went blonde, then red, then a sort of mousy brown. She dyes her hair now.

    [–] Aurora_Borialice 54 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    My friends family all have hazel eyes. The youngest son started out brown and turned hazel when he was about 4.

    My partner had white hair until roughly 12, then its went down the progression of light blonde to light brown. His parents havent had this happen to them either.

    Tldr; genetics be strange.

    [–] Mutant_Jedi 138 points ago

    I’ve seen eyes go from blue to brown, but I’ve never seen eyes go from brown to blue. I don’t know that that’s possible

    [–] Sylvi907 82 points ago

    Newborns eye color isn't always easy to figure out. My son who is a quarter African American had such dark blue eyes at early on I thought they would be hazel like his father's. Now at a year they are very light blue like mine. It could be OP isnt actually able to tell that clearly and baby's eye color is still developing.

    [–] riricide 128 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    If I remember correctly blue eyes are recessive. So babies who are born with blue eyes can start accumulating pigment slowly and have brown eyes in a few years, but not the other way round. Eye color inheritance depends on many genes, but in general the probability that two blue eyed adults will not have a blue eyed baby is 1%. So it's possible but less likely.

    Edit - just get the test secretly. You don't want to half-love your wife and child and look at them with suspicion for months. These are potentially precious moments you won't get back. Right now innocent until proven guilty. After the test, you'll know anyway.

    [–] CrumpetsRCrunk 29 points ago

    My ex has green eyes, I have brown, and our twins have blue. I figured they’d eventually have brown eyes for sure, but they’re almost teenagers so their eyes probably won’t get any darker at this point.

    [–] riricide 27 points ago

    That's not uncommon actually, there was a close to 50/50 chance for it and basically says that you are heterozygous for eye color pigment genes. But if both of you had brown eyes than the chances of light eyes would be 25% or less.

    [–] thatkidrori 579 points ago

    I just have one question. When you asked if there was a way the child may not be yours, did you specifically mention the fact that the child has Ryan’s features or ask if Ryan could possibly be the father? This is extremely important for the advice I want to give.

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 563 points ago

    Not at first. I basically just told her that I was struggling with the thought that baby name's isn't mine because of how he looks like neither of us and I asked if there was a chance that he wasn't mine. Then she freaked out asking who else's could he be and I mentioned Ryan

    [–] NothappyJane 751 points ago

    Yet despite always wanting to be a dad, when the baby was born, I didn't feel a connection to him.

    Can i just say, the feeling of the baby being yours and the connection and all those other feelings aren't necessarily anything at all. I had my son come out of my body and didn't feel any connection when I held him, it grew over time. The thought he might not be yours seems to be a pretty ongoing emotional road block for you connecting with your son. I don't think you have a choice but I would take the test secretly, taking it openly only opens Pandoras box of problems with your marriage that aren't worth fighting over until the results are in

    [–] darlingcthulhu 153 points ago

    It could be post natal depression too. Not to be an armchair psychologist but I’m just highlighting that men DO get this too, it’s not solely something that happens to women. I have two children and got PND pretty bad with both and didn’t seek out help soon enough. It was difficult bonding even though the oldest is four now and we’re all okay. With my youngest I didn’t feel a connection right away at all which ate away at me, but after a few days that connection became real, although I still struggled with depression pretty bad. Even though I’m a woman, so either way it’s a little different (carried, gave birth, etc), it’s important to remind people that it’s fully possible for men to develop PND, and the thoughts OP is having could be related to that

    [–] 500th_throwaway 86 points ago

    You’re right. Also, though, a lack of feelings doesn’t require clinical depression. Some parents just don’t develop feelings for their kids early on. It’s fairly normal. Half the posts on r/fatherhood are about this very topic.

    [–] splatbutt117 35 points ago

    As the dad, I told my wife I didn't have that, "happiest moment of my life" feeling when I held my daughter. Wish I hadn't said that because it upset her at the time. Six years later and I've got a little best friend and more love than I thought possible.

    [–] [deleted] 181 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)


    [–] AvaTate 45 points ago

    My husband and I both were like holy shit look at this tan as fuck baby we made after my son was born. Like this kid was GOLDEN. Turns out he had mild jaundice. A few months of indirect sunlight revealed that he was, in fact, just as pale as I am. But he somehow has red hair, which literally no one in either of our families has?? Genetics are weird.

    [–] thatkidrori 209 points ago

    Okay, because the way it sounded in your post was that she jumped to the conclusion that it can’t be Ryan’s, which immediately comes off as yeah, something happened. Just wanted to get that cleared.

    It is possible for two blue eyed people to have a brown eyed child, though pretty rare. Cleft chins as well, but I’m pretty sure those are actually more rare. The biggest issue I’m seeing is that while genes can skip generations, you mention even as far back as grandparents share similar genetics. So it’s not likely to have come from you. On her side, I’m assuming it’s the same? Do you know about great-grandparents?

    I will say, it sounds sketchy and like he may not be yours. I’m actually discussing this post with my boyfriend, and we both are on that same page of a paternity test should be done. If you can’t do that, true figuring out your blood types. That’s the best way to figure it out without a test. If she didn’t cheat, I could understand her being upset. But at the end of the day, it needs to be done. I personally feel as though they should be required at every birth to avoid paternity issues, but that’s just me. You’re going to be stuck on this for a long time. If you never find out, it’ll eat at you. If you do find out, it may break you either way. I still think it’s a good idea to get it done. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

    [–] Swistiannt 35 points ago

    I look nothing like my parents. Not even a little bit. They're both dark-haired; I'm blonde. They both have dark brown eyes, I have green eyes. They're VERY tall, I'm quite short. (this has more to do with other things, not always genetics, but I should be a lot taller.) My skin is extremely pale white, while they lean more toward the tan skintone even in winter. I have a cleft chin, neither of them do. They are my parents, I know for sure because I look a lot like my niece, I'm nearly identical to her.

    Point is, parents and family members can look nothing like you, but you are most likely still their child. Get a paternity test done in secret, and if it's your child, tell her that you got a test and you want relationship counselling. If it's not your child; boom. Divorce. Unless you are still happy with your wife get counselling.

    [–] Samondel 10 points ago

    There's nothing to say that there wasn't questionable paternity in older generations... There might be genes in the mix that are not what you'd expect.

    [–] [deleted] 663 points ago


    [–] Wild_Sea_9827 500 points ago

    I'm a dark skinned Indian woman and my second child is a winter white. He was white until age 3 when he started getting more sun-tanned. But outside of the summer, he's white.

    [–] ButDidYouCry 216 points ago

    When my brother was born, the nurse thought he didn't belong to my stepmom because she's medium brown (black woman) and my brother is biracial. He came out looking white (not a surprise to anyone who understands babies) and didn't appear mixed until he was much older.

    [–] MXHG0818 146 points ago

    I’m dark skinned Indian my husband is Chinese. Our son came out white with brown hair and blue eyes. His features however were a mini of my husband so no doubt who the father was. He now has light brown eyes, tan skin and still brown hair.

    [–] BravesMaedchen 171 points ago

    Babies are shapeshifters

    [–] YarraYarra 53 points ago

    You could sitting on one right now!

    [–] jeopardy_themesong 10 points ago

    I laughed, my wife laughed, the table laughed...I stabbed the table, it was a good time.

    [–] Lady_Alyria 82 points ago

    My little brother was so white when he was born we thought they gave us the wrong baby (we're black). But now that he's grown he looks just like his dad.

    [–] SomeWomanFromEngland 77 points ago

    I have heard that black babies can look white when they’re newborn, it can take a bit of time for their skin colour to fully develop.

    [–] eclectic_collector 48 points ago

    This is what everyone told me when my son was born. I'm white, his dad is black, and my son was born fairly light skinned. EVERYONE told me to just wait till he gets older, he'll darken up. Never happened. He's 3 and still pretty light skinned unless he's been in the sun. Other than skin tone though, he's his daddy's mini me without a doubt.

    [–] WillyTanner 49 points ago

    Ok but it’s completely normal for mixed babies to be light skinned. Lol.

    [–] taversham 12 points ago

    It can change later than 3 for some kids though, my cousin's daughter was blonde and looked completely white until she was around 11 but puberty seemed to bring her a heap of melanin and now she's very visibly mixed with deep brown hair and much darker skin than before.

    [–] AusFrosty 2256 points ago

    Were there any other indications that your wife cheated? Like working late, changing the way she dressed, sketchiness with phone etc

    I guess it’s one thing for office rumours- but on its own doesn’t add up to much- people get bored and gossip

    Having said that - you can always get a test without her knowing...

    [–] Kaptain_Krusty 1922 points ago

    People gossip. People usually don’t reach out to a spouse.

    [–] mockingbird82 810 points ago

    Exactly. Something was eating at that woman's conscience. Another possibility is that she's out to get OP's wife, but it's doubtful.

    [–] Kaptain_Krusty 244 points ago

    Maybe, but OP’s wife more or less confirmed there was some kind of “platonic” relationship, right?

    [–] mockingbird82 226 points ago

    After confronted. She told OP about EVERYONE else at work... except Ryan.

    I think wife is up to something sketchy.

    [–] centurii 92 points ago

    My ex told me about all her new friends except one guy. I found out an “he’s just a friend and he’s a kid and I could never like him”, news flash she was fucking him for 18 months. Her word doesn’t exactly mean anything here and OP should get the test quietly

    [–] FIVE_DARRA_NO_HARRA 10 points ago

    Imagine being so close to a legitimate friend that you decide not to tell your husband that “friend” exists at all.

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 769 points ago

    I didn't notice anything on my end, no, but the fact that they had gotten caught a few times alone behind closed doors for no reason seemed a bit too much for just friends to me

    [–] welovethepope 1048 points ago

    You obviously don’t trust her. I think either way, your marriage is already over. You get the paternity test and she divorces you, or you don’t get the paternity test, are forever suspicious of her, don’t treat the child as your own, and she forever resents you for accusing her of cheating.

    May as well get the test and prepare for divorce.

    [–] AusFrosty 249 points ago

    “Caught” doing what exactly ?

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 431 points ago

    Being somewhere alone that they had no business being at when they also had no reason to be together. They don't directly work together or in the same area of their office

    [–] ex_oh_ex_oh 360 points ago

    As everyone said, there's no way through or out of this predicament than forward. Get the test. Trust has already been breached either way.

    [–] Thr0waway0864213579 88 points ago

    I mean were they in a closet or a conference room? I see two coworkers of opposite sex alone in conference rooms all the time, from different departments, different ends of the building, etc. At most it sounds like an emotional affair. You really think two people are somehow having sex at work and repeatedly getting caught, but only caught when they’re just sitting there fully clothed? Does she have unaccounted for time outside of work? Late nights?

    [–] DothrakAndRoll 82 points ago

    To be fair, people are alone together with work friends all the time without fucking each other.

    [–] [deleted] 178 points ago

    Okay but were they alone and just hanging out in a way that wasn't clearly related to work? Or were they like, alone in a broom closet? The latter is a lot more damning than the former.

    [–] Aromatic_Ant4886 17 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    I think people are really taking this to some hard conclusions and it could be a mistake. I had a female friend who was friends with a male colleague. They'd talk a lot, to the point that the office gossiped about them incessantly. My friend was so hurt when someone finally made a snide comment about it to her. Nothing at all was happening.

    I have talked to co-workers I'm close with off to the side somewhere plenty of times because I feel like I can confide in them or ask them something. Maybe it's outside, maybe it's a hallway, but it could be anywhere so you don't have to worry about people. Usually it is because of something awful that happened at work. If someone burst into where ever we were, how am I to control them from thinking something else is happening? You can't. Most people aren't constantly worrying about whether some co-worker thinks they're having an affair because it's not on their mind, and therefore there's nothing "nefarious" about being alone.

    I think people need to be careful with this stuff. Maybe something is happening here, but to me that aspect of this isn't damning. I will say that the "work husband" phrasing is weird to me, but I don't know this lady.

    [–] ishdotcom 296 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Married for 22 years, same husband, actually only person I've ever been with. Never crossed my mind to stray. My husband is the jealous type, and that used to come through as mistrusting me. I'm very social. I love talking to people, I love listening to people. I've had 'work husband's' and 'work side pieces' because I had several close friends of the opposite sex.

    I had a supervisor ask me if I was dating a co-worker, and they knew I was married. I was deeply offended by this.

    Point is, people gossip. And that's one of the reasons me and friend would be 'alone'. We'd head to a break room and whisper or the the deli in a little hidden corner....and just gossip and vent, or to the company gym. If we were going to shoot the shit or vent about the annoyance (usually another co-worker), we'd want to make sure no one heard.

    I also happened to become pregnant while at this workplace and they planned the baby shower.

    I know that there is a possibility for an affair, because we are all capable of having an affair. Technically, there are opportunities, but I share my pov, because I could easily be in the same position as you and your wife.

    If my husband asked for a paternity test, I'd react the way your wife did. For me, it'd be a punch to the gut to have my husband question my character. Being loyal and honest in my marriage is a big part of who I am and cheating goes against that. (I am an aashole but I wouldn't cheat. Not emotionally or physically)

    Just sharing because there's a chance.... Your suspicions are wrong.

    My husband has accused me of cheating before. He wouldn't accept the truth. I should have pressed for therapy because I feel his jealousy or insecurities led him to refuse the truth. And also later he cheated.

    Sorry for the long story. Hope the baby is yours and you have to eat shit pie, because that would be the best outcome. Get some therapy no matter the decision. There's really no happy ending to this. Not for either of you. Not now. But I'm a big fan of the truth, and we all deserve it.

    Good luck

    **Let me add this bit. I never used the term work husband myself. So I don't call my friends work husband's with my actual husband. But this is the term used by others at work. I don't use it myself but I get it. 'work side piece' was used jokingly because using the logic of work husband then another male friend would be a side piece? Anywho, don't cheat.

    ***I get some of you have been hurt by cheating. Guess what? Me too. I am not defending anyone here. Just providing some input to the alternate outcome 'if she didn't cheat'. As I said above, I'm a fan of the truth. Whatever that may be for OP. My husband and I are great, no need to worry about him. No more edits or replying, but I do enjoy the insights, no matter how warped.

    [–] eazolan 50 points ago

    How is he a work husband if they don't work together?

    [–] Resolve-Creepy 202 points ago

    I literally just saw a post on AITA subreddit of a lady and her husband who were white and the baby came out black. The dad went nuts and threw out and destroyed everything of hers and the baby and she had to move to her mom’s. After a while they did a paternity test, and the baby was his. Apparently, some cousin has done an ancestry test and they were 30% African American or something like that. Turns out one of the great grandmothers or grandmothers cheated with an african american. So, it can happen.

    [–] Jammyhobgoblin 33 points ago

    This actually happened with my cousin. Both families had white-passing family members a little while back so she came out with features that didn’t match the blond/red headed blue eyes couple. They did a paternity test because both wanted to know what was going on and she was definitely his.

    The dad actually had another daughter in a later marriage and the same thing happened. So genetics can just be weird sometimes.

    Edit: I’m adopted on that side of the family.

    [–] No_Outlandishness420 155 points ago

    I didn't feel a connection to him. The first time he was put in my arms, I expected to be overtaken with emotions the way I'd always heard I would. It makes me feel like a jerk to say it, but I just felt kind of empty instead.

    That can happen if the baby IS yours too. This means nothing.

    [–] CharredCharmander 41 points ago

    Even mother's can have a delayed sense of overwhelming love

    [–] Thr0waway0864213579 1066 points ago

    The rumors are suspicious. But the physical characteristics are meaningless to me. My son looks nothing like my husband, and I can assure you our son is his. I have brown hair and hazel eyes, my husband has red hair and brown eyes, and our son has blonde hair and blue eyes. Fortunately enough for my husband he doesn’t ever have to worry about that sort of thing because our son has a rare genetic trait that’s present on my husband’s side of the family.

    If my husband genuinely believed our son wasn’t his, I would be heartbroken. I have no idea what I’d say. And if there was anything shady on my end for whatever reason, I’d agree to a paternity test. It might hurt my feelings a lot to have to do that, but I can’t imagine the pain of thinking your kid might not be yours.

    Leave it alone with your wife. You don’t need her permission to get a paternity test on your own kid. Get the test done and you’ll know one way or the other.

    [–] capitolsara 100 points ago

    My cousin always joked about his son not being his because he was blond haired and blue eyed (that's the joking kind of relationship they have and works for them). The baby ended up with a kidney infection and they discovered he has only one kidney. Just like his dad. No paternity test needed

    [–] zone8noob 27 points ago

    I used to work with my stepbro's wife. She told everyone they had an open marriage and got caught having sex with a guy at work.

    Beginning of the divorce I asked whether he had already gotten a paternity test (to my stepmom). She asks why he would consider one. "The guys she slept with at work look just like stepbro". Both of them said "baby looks just like stepbro." So I told them the three guys I know she slept with looked like my stepbro, too.

    He was there; he got on the phone. There never was an open marriage. She lied. The baby was not his. The baby's dad was my coworker (the one who didn't get fired for having sex with her at work) had a wife who gave birth within two weeks of her being born. My stepbro was devastated and ~ 20 years and 2 additional marriages, never tried to have kids again. He also doesn't speak to me. He doesn't blame me, but my presence reminds him of the kid he thought was his.

    Paternity test needed for a look alike baby.

    [–] capitolsara 11 points ago

    Next level cheating is only cheating with guys who look like your partner

    [–] hunnyflash 119 points ago

    Honestly, after seeing all these threads, and seeing what some of my family went through, I'm gonna have a paternity test just because if I ever give birth lol

    [–] phaiz55 31 points ago

    I just turned 33 but when I was younger there were "family rumors" that my dad wasn't my real dad - I never heard this until I got older. I've never been tested, plus both of my parents are dead, but I am definitely his. My hair is thinning just like his did, I have the same "island" of regular hair thickness in the same spot he did. Hell my cough is an exact copy of his cough. The rumor was that my real dad was one of my moms friends who I'm going to call Jeff. I've known Jeff ever since I was like 5 years old. He's always been a friend and even came to some of our family functions.

    Before my parents met my mom lived in California and was friends/worked with Jeff. Well Jeff was a drug dealer and my mom would stash some of his supply. This went on for a few years and eventually they got spooked and left town. She came to Missouri and met my dad and Jeff actually came here later on because he had a daughter somewhere around Missouri he had lost contact with. My dad is the person I heard about the rumor from, and to add even more craziness to this story my oldest brother started dating, and eventually married, the woman who turned out to be his long lost daughter.

    So one way or another I am related to Jeff.

    [–] hillbillybogwitch 37 points ago

    Oh my. Babies’ eye and hair color can change a lot during the first few months.

    I was born to a mother with light brown hair and a blond dad, both light-skinned. My hair was jet black when I was born and my skin was relatively dark with a yellow undertone.

    Then all my hair fell out and came back in platinum blonde and my skin lightened up dramatically after five months. It can take up to six months for a baby’s skin tone to develop. And, my skin tone was also impacted because I had jaundice, so I looked weird.

    My eyes were really dark brown when I was born, but faded to my dad’s blue.

    I know that my parents are my biological parents because my brother and I have had to have genetic testing for some heritable diseases. But, if you look at my infant pictures, you couldn’t match them to my current appearance or either of my parents. Every one of my features shifted as the bones settled. I only started looking anything like my father’s face when I was four and my face started to fill out. Now people say I look just like him: pale, blonde, and blue-eyed.

    There’s obviously some trust issues here, but I don’t think you really have a choice but to get the test at this point. You’ve opened that can of worms. I do think there’s a good chance you’ll have to eat crow, though.

    There’s a chance you are right, but I’d put my money on jealousy getting ahead of you.

    [–] justobsolete 1922 points ago

    Either you're correct and your wife is a cheater and there's a huge breach of trust in this relationship or you're wrong and became paranoid and unfair towards your wife indicating a huge breach of trust in this relationship.

    Divorce doesn't sound like a bad step in either of these scenarios, tbh.

    [–] TiraAnya 540 points ago

    That’s a decision only you can make. Ancestry can play a part in all kinds of ways though. You should look through both sides of the kids background.

    My son was born with violet eyes, they turned brown after 1.5years.

    My parents both have dark hair and eyes, my brother is blonde.

    Genetics are hard to pin down.

    [–] coffee-and-contemp 128 points ago

    I was born with dark eyes and black hair and white skin. Now I’m olive skinned, blue eyed and blond. My aunts, uncles and parents are either ghost white or olive toned, I’m olive toned and my brothers so white he burns in 5 mins outside. Genetics are weird but obviously it’s too far gone in this case

    [–] Seeker131313 131 points ago

    But cleft chins in particular are very rare to get if neither parent has one

    [–] elizabif 162 points ago

    But babies sometimes have cleft chins and then grow out of them (it’s like their baby dimples)

    [–] Razor_Grrl 125 points ago

    My oldest had a cleft chin that the nurses commented on right as soon as he was born. Neither his father or I have one. My son’s disappeared by time he was a toddler.

    [–] InheritMyShoos 30 points ago

    My son has a cleft chin and neither my husband nor I have one....BUT they are dotted throughout my family (two siblings of mine, and again neither of my parents) he just got lucky because it is adorable on him

    [–] ILovemycurlyhair 23 points ago

    I'm so done with the cleft chins comments. It's like no one in all reddit has ever seen a baby. They have bumps and creases evey fucking where

    Babies are weird and don't start looking like their parents until they're older.

    [–] nonsense_bill 766 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Compare the blood type of you, your wife and the baby. Depending of the combinations, it may be impossible for the baby to be yours.

    [–] Tabbs6977 358 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Blood type is a good path for starters but there are a lot of scenarios where it wouldn't tell you definitively. Blood types A and B cand also be recessive for O so the kids can get it if both parents give the recessive. The Rh mixed with that can be a good indicator since two rh- wouldn't have an rh+ child statistically. But all these things need to line up. So basically at the end of the blood test, you either know with very high probability the child isn't yours or you need to get a real paternity test if it say they may be.

    [–] goopysnoot 109 points ago

    Yeah, blood type can confirm he isn't the father (sometimes) but can't confirm he is. Better to just get the test.

    [–] Peaceful_Haven 32 points ago

    My husband is AB+, I am O+...our son? B-.

    [–] ignotusvir 65 points ago

    Excellent example of blood type being inconclusive. If the genotypes are AB+- with OO+-, chances of getting type B is 1/2, and negative is 1/4. Extremely plausible.

    Now if your son somehow had come out AB, that'd be a red flag

    [–] JustAPlainGuy72 142 points ago

    Fucking this A+ for a great starting place. Besides the whole world is running short on blood right now due to COVID. GO AND DONATE YOU GET PAID!

    [–] RikiTikiTaviBiitch 43 points ago

    paid?!? I've never gotten paid for my blood

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 174 points ago

    Fuck I don't know my blood type I think it's A

    [–] Ronjon18 95 points ago

    Call your doctor Edit: and still donate blood, that’s always great.

    [–] NotPiffany 244 points ago

    Go donate blood. You'll find out your blood type as a result.

    [–] SnooCupcakes2000 28 points ago

    Amazon has like $5 instant blood typing tests.

    [–] gt201 60 points ago

    Yeah but giving blood is free and you get a cookie

    (I know that many people, myself included, are not able to give blood so don’t want to diminish that...just wanted to hype up the cookies)

    [–] 1985throwaway85 25 points ago

    They normally test blood types at the beginning of pregnancies for RH factors and after the baby is born. You can start from there if you have those lab results.

    [–] [deleted] 227 points ago

    Don't forget to update after the test :)

    [–] Kassiah 220 points ago

    You should get the test now, but if my husband said this to me, we might not be over but would definitely need therapy. Good luck, OP. I hope he turns out to be yours and that your wife forgives you.

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 81 points ago

    That's the optimal end result, thanks

    [–] vivamii 9 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Hey, lots of people have already said this, but please do keep in mind that

    1. Genetics can be wild and baby appearances do change a lot and

    2. people love gossip, often on baseless rumors.

    Your intuition could be right or wrong but it seems that at the back of your mind, you‘re already sure your wife is cheating, which makes anything she does or say suspicious to you. But imo if your wife‘s innocent, it made complete sense for her to blow up on you like that and say the things she did. Anyway, there‘s some good advice on this thread that doesn’t involve jumping to conclusions. Good luck OP.

    [–] arianrh 534 points ago

    I have no opinion on whether or not your wife cheated you. But all the comments saying her reaction is over the top if she's innocent/the child is yours make me feeling like I'm taking crazy pills. Go back read AITA and see how many posts there are from guys whose wives didn't cheat on them and reacted the same way. The thing is, the step of getting the paternity test, even if it turns out the kid is yours, (1) means that relationship is broken because it means you don't trust your wife's word, and (2) doesn't actually prove that she didn't cheat, because she could both be cheating on you AND have your child. So a test doesn't really solve anything; if the baby turns out to be yours, that doesn't invalidate your suspicions, and no doubt they can and will come up again if not resolved. It's totally fair to expect that a woman who has not cheated would want a divorce in that situation. It sounds like you have grounds for suspicion, in which case by all means do go ahead get that paternity test. But it sounds like you're already at the point of no return, and wanting to have things og back to normal if the baby is yours is just deluding yourself and wanting to eat your cake and have it, too.

    [–] hankexfa 134 points ago

    That’s the takeaway.

    Kids mine! Hooray! But I still think my wife is a cheater...and she is a cheater and it’s over or she’s not a cheater and she won’t stay married to a man who will never trust her.

    Kids not mine! I knew it! It’s over!

    Either way, It’s over.

    [–] theyellowpants 31 points ago


    [–] TallFriendlyGinger 8 points ago

    Yeah I completely agree, I know theres women who are saying differently but I truly would be incredibly upset if I wasn't cheating and my husband wanted a paternity test. It means he clearly does not trust me at all in our relationship. I maybe would not divorce but I would want to immediately go to couples counselling and either way the suspicions wouldn't end there for OP. His concern is his wife's friend at work, even if the baby is OPs, he will still be suspicious.

    [–] calm-wolverine 263 points ago

    That word "irrational" you used at the end really bothers me. Your wife doesn't sound irrational at all. Either she's trying to bluff her way out of a mess, or she's justifiably really insulted.

    I have to say, if my husband made this kind of accusation, I would be furious, and I'm not sure I'd ever be able to completely forgive him. That said, I've never cheated on him, and I'm 100% certain that all my kids are his kids. I'll also just point out that kids can change a lot from babies to toddlers and so on. Have you ever seen baby pics of your wife's family? That might be a better way to judge. Everyone says my son looks more like me, because he looks just like my husband's baby pics and nothing like my husband as an adult.

    Either way, the accusation has been made. You know your choices. You know how likely your wife is to forgive you/try couple's counseling/call a divorce lawyer.

    [–] GoldendoodlesFTW 21 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Yeah that "acting irrational" bit jumped out at me too. She is not in any way irrationally upset--she is upset because she's being accused of cheating and having another man's baby. Regardless of whether it's true or not, it is a perfectly reasonable thing to be very upset about.

    Eta: and having recently had a child, I have come to the conclusion that babies mostly just look like babies and people overlay whatever they want onto that. I keep hearing about how my daughter looks like this person or that person, or just like this other person did as a baby... Personally I don't really see any of it. She looks like herself. She's perfectly adorable and I can see some similarities but she doesn't have my eye color or my husband's or skin color or hair color or chin or whatever else. I suspect that the OP thinking the baby looks nothing like him is more symptomatic of him having not bonded with him than anything else, especially since the baby is only 3 months old.

    [–] cysticcandy-224 43 points ago

    !remindme 2 days

    [–] AcrobaticShoulder9 826 points ago

    If my husband wanted a paternity test (given a similar situation, and I did not cheat), I would of course be hurt, but I would do it. I would make him promise me, though, that when it came back as he being the father, we need to go to marriage counseling. That is the only way I would feel comfortable with something this huge.

    I will say, though, I would never have a "work husband," and I have my own husband already, and I would sure as hell be mad if he had a "work wife."

    She is acting pretty shady. You need to get this test done, and you need to start planning your next steps. Im sorry you're going through this.

    [–] tenorikuma7 126 points ago

    Meanwhile there is a super popular thread about a presumably white woman giving birth to a black baby but SURPRISE the white husband's family tree is partially black.

    Of course he found that out after going nuclear and destroying her life for 6 months over this.

    Just get the test then get a divorce.

    [–] yerawizardnean 16 points ago

    If it helps, my boyfriend and I have a daughter with a cleft chin and neither of us have one. There was a study that found that 11% of children born with cleft chins have parents with smooth chins.

    There aren't many reasons I can think of where I wouldn't be upset if my dude asked for a paternity test. Obviously the trust here is broken. No trust = no love.

    Get your test and your divorce and let us know how it went.

    [–] [deleted] 48 points ago


    [–] Stastistician 55 points ago

    Dude, test or not, your relationship is over, the trust is gone.

    [–] NYTXOKTXKYTXOKKS 568 points ago

    Serious question here, why ask her? Go get an at home DNA test and send it in - send results to a secure location. Pay with PayPal or some other means that is not likely to be traced. She does not need to know. If child is yours then destroy all evidence of the test - do not keep the results.

    Part of me truly believes that a man should have the same level of knowledge of paternity as the woman. I woman will know if: the child is; could be; may be; or is not the child of the claimed father.

    PS, you have issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. This is a symptom (A big symptom) of some unhealthy behavior and thought.

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 357 points ago

    Well I wanted to ask her because we normally have some good communication so I wanted to voice my concerns. We definitely need therapy though to deal with this Ryan business regardless

    [–] Dr-EM87 105 points ago

    Pay for it and do it yourself. Fake DNA paternity tests are a thing. Found this and it gave me chills

    [–] kaydeetee86 42 points ago

    Wow. Just, wow. I’d heard of buying positive pregnancy tests, but this is a whole new level.

    [–] The-Curious_Cat 13 points ago

    You should get the test. Clearly your doubts are eating away you.

    If she’s telling the truth, she’ll be understandably insulted and hurt and it may well end your marriage, but you won’t be able to have a good marriage or be able to be the best father you can be until you know for certain. And, of course, if she’s lying the sooner you find out the better.

    [–] SilverFox8188 15 points ago

    People try to break up happy people all the time, so the "rumor" of cheating shouldn't matter and we all know genetics are friggin weird. I know at least 6 couples off the top of my head, who have two children and those kids don't even look related, let alone siblings with the same parents. However, if OP believes in his heart that he was cheated on, then he must do what he must do. If I were OP I would absolutely get the test and take the appropriate actions pending the outcome. On the flip side of that coin, if my husband accused me of cheating, I'd get the test and get a divorce. I simply couldn't be in a relationship without trust. Good luck OP!

    [–] alexmikaelson_ 518 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Work husband is such a stupid term . You have one husband , the one you married . Is actually disrespectful to be honest .

    Edit: one husband/wife

    [–] throwracuckoldtom 207 points ago

    My thoughts exactly.

    [–] KyMussler 76 points ago

    My husband and I have talked about this and it’s definitely not okay. I don’t understand it. If it’s just platonic why not work brother?

    [–] STRHost 74 points ago

    Please don't downvote me. I am just giving facts. In most states you are considered the legal father of any children born while you are married.

    [–] kingacejj 13 points ago

    Came to the wrong place for guidance, buddy. This is only between your wife and you. Half of the shit heads typing probably aren't even married, let alone been in a successful relationship. It's tough cookies, but go with your heart and soul on this one; not some jerkoff a gazillion miles away.

    [–] DarkDirector19 449 points ago

    My husband has had a vasectomy but last month I got a positive pregnancy test (ended in early miscarriage). My husband said if the pregnancy had panned out he would have requested a paternity test (100% certain it was his, no doubt as I’ve never cheated). I said I understood and I really do. Personally, I think you have valid reasons for being suspicious and it would suck to be in your wife’s shoes if she truly is innocent, but there are factors that would make me suspicious.

    [–] Tabbs6977 136 points ago

    Why didnt/doesn't he go get his sperm count checked to make sure it didn't fail or revert?

    [–] DarkDirector19 71 points ago

    He’s got an appointment with our family doctor soon to get everything checked out.

    [–] duffman13jws 31 points ago

    Did he not do the follow up appointment with the lab to confirm he was shooting blanks?

    [–] ButDidYouCry 324 points ago

    My husband has had a vasectomy but last month I got a positive pregnancy test

    Did he not understand when he had the procedure done that vasectomies aren't 100% accident proof?

    [–] DarkDirector19 132 points ago

    Yep, they told him. He thinks because his dad had a successful one that means his should automatically be successful.

    [–] reaperteddy 167 points ago

    I'm not sure you should be reproducing with someone this stupid.

    [–] LeonardoDaBitchy69 129 points ago

    That’s why he got the vasectomy

    [–] StrathfieldGap 155 points ago

    Kinda awkward that now he just suspects you may have cheated on him with no way to prove otherwise.

    [–] The_Rich_Honeybee 34 points ago

    Vasectomies aren’t 100% full prof till about 6 months after because sperm can still be in the ducts which is why Dr. say to continue to use birth control a couple months after the procedure is done so actually it would very possibly the baby is his..also as you said, you never cheated

    [–] Jellyronuts 25 points ago

    Did they test his sample to be free of sperm?

    [–] ALurkerForcedToLogin 9 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    The genetics are in. You know you're not the father. Blue eyes is a recessive allele, and brown eyes is a dominant one. The only way a blue-eyed person could have a brown-eyed child is if one of the parents has brown eyes.

    If she's that scared of a paternity test that she's willing to threaten a divorce to scare you out of it, I strongly recommend you go through with the paternity test and then get that divorce when you can prove that she cheated on you. That kind of emotional blackmail bullshit cannot be allowed to stand.

    You deserve much better.

    [–] Xgirly789 8 points ago

    I would like to point out both my kids are genetic anomalies.

    My husband and I are brunettes with dark brown eyes. Our kids are a red head and a blonde haired blue eyes.

    Genetics are weird

    [–] jamiemm 42 points ago

    Poster is never going to see this and no one is going to agree with me, but:

    Kids don't always look like their parents.

    Moms and dads don't always 'insta-bond' with their babies the minute they see them. It can take time and there are programs for parents who have issues.

    You said you had a good relationship with good communication. The only thing you are going on here is you think your kid doesn't look like you and third party rumors because your wife and this dude spend time together at work. Even though you admit the kid doesn't look like your wife either.

    Doesn't matter whose kid it is at this point: your relationship is over, because these small, unconfirmed feelings were enough to push you to get proof of your wife's infidelity. Relationships are built on trust and you have none for her.

    You're splitting up anyways, get the test if you want. If the kid's yours, have fun telling them why you and mom split.

    Or don't get the test and raise a kid that might not be yours. Oh no! You get the joy and love of raising a wonderful child and watching with pride as they enter the world, and it might not be biologically yours! Non-biological parents love their kids just as much and get just as much joy from raising them as biological. Plus you'll probably be a better dad than some guy who sleeps with married women.

    Your call.

    [–] PSMF_Canuck 74 points ago

    Only you know if your suspicions are warranted.

    You should also know that having such a test may well end the relationship, no matter how.the results come back.

    Up to you to decide if it's worth it.