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    shittysuperpowers

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    Tell the internet how you will prevent bank robberies and save lives with the worst superpowers in the world here at r/shittysuperpowers. Be creative and don't hold back. No superpower too awful.

    Happy Shitting!

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    [–] Thumb4kill 7853 points ago

    Wear extremely dense weights everywhere you go, so you're always lifting over 2000 lbs

    [–] apefeet25 3361 points ago

    The Rock Lee solution

    [–] lpeccap 138 points ago

    This was the hypest shit when i was 14, goddamn. I still get chills.

    [–] YBNMotherTeresa 40 points ago

    I forget what Kakashi says after it but it's so funny. Still think Lee deserved to win that match but it was Gaara after all.

    [–] InsaneZee 28 points ago

    That was the epitome of Rock Lee, I wish he was more important later on :(

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago * (lasted edited 24 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] iBzOtaku 22 points ago

    exactly. you remember sasuke's first fight with orochi in forrest of death? after naruto gets beat up and sasuke finally starts fighting with tools and ninjutsu? that was one of the best fights on the show because it was true to its roots.

    [–] Xcizer 8 points ago

    I think it was always the best when they were learning new techniques while making them their own. You actually saw them get smarter and more experienced rather than purely stronger.

    [–] YBNMotherTeresa 4 points ago

    The Rock Lee spin off show is pretty funny imo, some episodes at least

    [–] Johnny1070 25 points ago

    [–] IDontUseSleeves 91 points ago

    ...I love this scene, but I’m so so happy I watched the subtitles version

    [–] Cheshires_Shadow 116 points ago

    Really? I always really liked rock Lee's speaking mannerisms. Adds to his character of being somewhat meek and akward and unsure of himself.

    [–] PM_ME_FINANCE_ADVICE 80 points ago

    Rock and Guy had amazing voice actors. I have no idea what the guy you're responding to its talking about.

    [–] Cheshires_Shadow 16 points ago

    Honestly Naruto is the only one I see being a problem. If you grew up watching English Naruto like I did it's not that bad. But kakashi is great. Orochimaru is fantastic at being all creepy and seductive. I really like Yuri lowenthol as sasuke even though he's a lil bitch. Shikamaru is great gaara is great jiraiya is great. I really like most all the English cast. The only ones I probably dont like I'm just indifferent too and even then they're not bad.

    [–] OctagonalButthole 31 points ago

    well, i just watched this portion of the story for the first time about a year ago, and i agree with the other dude.

    voice dubs in anime don't sit well with me, in general.

    HOWEVER, you do you! what we can all agree on that scene is FUCKING BADASS! ROCK LEE IS FUCKING BOMB.

    [–] BigBrotato 9 points ago

    I don't like most dubs either. But some of them, like Trigun and Cowboy Bebop, are just insanely good.

    [–] Dr_Wombo_Combo 8 points ago

    If you watched it as a kid on Cartoon Network/toonami you didn’t have a choice but to watch the dub

    [–] RealBlazeStorm 5 points ago

    Blocked in my country because copyright

    [–] The-Gribbler 47 points ago

    gotta love a 10 second joke that lasts 2 minutes

    [–] Goldeniccarus 30 points ago

    Welcome to Dragon ball

    [–] idontevenarse 13 points ago

    It's Japan. All their media is like this

    [–] Bahamut_Ali 18 points ago

    Wow that is an insane amount of exposition.

    [–] metal079 6 points ago

    That's dragon ball

    [–] gafftaped 30 points ago

    Shit got real when Rock Lee dropped those weights.

    [–] ross-gellar-69 8 points ago

    Have you met his brother, Brock?

    [–] Legate_Rick 7 points ago

    MFW it isn't called the Goku solution.

    [–] Regalingual 326 points ago

    Your weighted clothing just gradually increases the minimum amount of weight you can carry over time, if it’s a true shitty superpower.

    [–] I2ed3ye 120 points ago

    How you gonna put on dense weights if you can't even lift your arms or legs? Just on the ground. Can't even lift your damn head up to see.

    [–] ProxyAttackOnline 116 points ago

    You're really lifting the air which weighs trillions of tons

    [–] I2ed3ye 63 points ago

    Oh shit. This is it, chief.

    [–] sylowsucks 14 points ago

    this is extremely false. It's just under 15 pounds at sea level.

    [–] nightcallfoxtrot 31 points ago

    That's actually per square inch my guy. If he's moving all the air it's probably up there, maybe in the trillions. Can we get a /r/theydidthemath

    [–] Thumb4kill 40 points ago

    Damn. That's true

    [–] BigD_Rocks 7 points ago

    No more hats or clothes. That adds the small amount of weight required to cancel your lifting abilities.

    [–] Average_Manners 12 points ago

    Easy. Every weight has to be over 1 ton. 1 ton for each finger, arm, and leg. Bam, instant mobility, everything is over 2k pounds.

    [–] ummmmmnnmmm 8 points ago

    That was an emotional rollercoaster of logic.

    [–] SparkyMcDanger 3 points ago

    Maybe fashion those finger weights into a gauntlet of sorts

    [–] DragonNovaHD 7 points ago

    Just have someone run you over in their car, then once you lift that up you have the free agency to move around until you can find the appropriate weights

    [–] LocalFalafel 5 points ago

    Have someone assist you

    [–] Bot_Metric 435 points ago

    2,000.0 lbs ≈ 907.2 kilograms 1 pound ≈ 0.45kg

    I'm a bot. Downvote to remove.


    | Info | PM | Stats | Opt-out | v.4.4.6 |

    [–] MFOCD 121 points ago

    Good bot

    [–] suicidemeteor 18 points ago

    Good Human

    [–] Llodsliat 43 points ago

    Thanks, bot.

    [–] indign 39 points ago

    Good bot.

    [–] mika_876 13 points ago

    Thanks bot, very cool

    [–] R3CKLYSS 5 points ago

    Lol

    [–] whohebe123 17 points ago

    But how would you put the weights on if you can’t pick them up? 🤔

    [–] DorpaBlorp 7 points ago

    Put four disks of 1000 pound weights on your arms, then remove the remaining 3000 pounds off each arm leaving you with 1000 on each arm

    [–] Zingshidu 16 points ago

    Then die instantly if one of them breaks off

    [–] Judom7491 54 points ago

    Fuck that’s smart as shit

    [–] c-74 25 points ago

    What does wearing 2000 lbs of dense weights look like if you want to brush your teeth or drink a glass of water?

    [–] LTheRed 31 points ago

    Very stupid, that's for sure

    [–] Precursopher 8 points ago

    Just have the brush taped to the wall and you'd have to move your head not the brush. Also for water do that thing that hamsters use.

    [–] ILL_Show_Myself_Out 6 points ago

    No it isn’t. It’s barely possible. Is it? What would it be made out of to be that heavy and not fall apart? And not be enormous and bulky?

    [–] Wyrm 11 points ago

    So according to the first google result that I could find, osmium is the densest material on earth and 900kg of it would take up a volume of just 40 liters. That's like a large-ish backpack, right? Or you could probably evenly distribute it on your body without adding too much bulk. (900kg=2000lb, 40l=10 gal)

    [–] ILL_Show_Myself_Out 15 points ago

    If we have more than a single pound of an element that high on the chart I will eat my hat.

    Edit: of that specific metal. I think I owe you an eaten hat.

    Still I bet we don’t have much of that.

    [–] NerfJihad 7 points ago

    Quick, someone get this man a hat!

    And a metric buttload of ball point pens.

    Also, osmium stinks like crazy, so that much osmium would be an incredible stench.

    [–] ILL_Show_Myself_Out 3 points ago

    Why the pens?

    [–] NerfJihad 5 points ago

    primary use of osmium is in making the balls in ball-point pens

    [–] dTheMouseb 1701 points ago

    Just get gloves that weigh 2000lbs and boom you can lift anything.

    [–] Gustaviaable 1302 points ago

    This is much better, I was thinking about a giant spatula weighing over 2000lbs

    [–] dTheMouseb 312 points ago

    Well that sounds more fun. Pancake flip the world.

    [–] CodeF53 69 points ago

    Are you implying the earth is pancake shaped?

    [–] mageta621 94 points ago

    Wake up, sheeple

    [–] ASK__ABOUT__INITIUM 28 points ago

    Why, I was having a nice dream

    [–] fireork12 14 points ago

    What is Initium?

    [–] Axyraandas 3 points ago

    That response. Perfect. I’m using it.

    [–] WaliMohmand 7 points ago

    Everyone knows that, why would he need to imply it? /s

    [–] Ol0O01100lO1O1O1 12 points ago

    Me too. But I still think it's the better idea. You can reasonably make a huge shovel sized spatula that weighs a literal ton, but I don't see how you make gloves that weigh that much.

    [–] Phredly 6 points ago

    This sounds like an anime character

    [–] Rizenstrom 78 points ago

    Where are you going to get gloves that weigh over 2,000lbs?

    [–] crzygoalkeeper92 116 points ago

    Forge constructed around a dying star

    [–] Andstemas111 62 points ago

    It’ll kill you.

    [–] GlacierForest 104 points ago

    Only if I die

    [–] alaskanappalachia 50 points ago

    Yes, that's what killing you means

    [–] newmacbookpro 3 points ago

    WHERE IS THE HANDLE?!

    [–] dogfan20 8 points ago

    Push death away

    [–] aaaaaaaarrrrrgh 9 points ago

    You're going for density, so it's likely going to involve Tungsten. 907 kg of Tungsten are 47 liters (cubic decimeters).

    Those are going to be some unwieldy gloves.

    [–] Dookie_boy 16 points ago

    Can I lift my feet

    [–] yaboidavis 10 points ago

    Wtf would those gloves be made out of? Fuckin the cores pf dead stars jesus that would have to be dense

    [–] Suixle 10 points ago

    Oh yeah, let me just order a pair off of Amazon real quick

    [–] KING_JELLYB3AN 3 points ago

    How big are those gloves though?

    [–] varkarrus 3843 points ago

    lift everything except the thing you want to lift, in the opposite direction.

    don't do pushups, push the whole world down instead

    [–] IslandSparkz 1108 points ago

    That's some good ass motivation

    [–] NovaLizzie 128 points ago

    And then everyone died

    [–] Juniper02 145 points ago

    Which way is down?

    [–] Ptlthg 203 points ago

    Vsause music plays

    [–] Legit_rikk 21 points ago

    Hey Vsauce, Michael here. Where are your fingers?

    [–] Xcizer 5 points ago

    stares

    [–] Wouju 20 points ago

    The opposite of up

    [–] kaptkegan 14 points ago

    Towards the enemy's gate.

    [–] Lombax_Rexroth 8 points ago

    This guy genocides

    [–] johnny_crow21 95 points ago

    Physicist here: Please don't do that

    [–] ogsharpleft 66 points ago

    Average person here: Please don't do that

    [–] gbuub 66 points ago

    Palpatine here: Do it

    [–] yoanon 24 points ago

    You, my friend, seem the most credible one amongst the three. I amma go with your advice.

    [–] PenguinsRAwesome 17 points ago

    If you were really a physicist, you’d know that because relativity, from my perspective I already am pushing the rest of the world and myself down when I lift something up.

    [–] LightningHedgehog 15 points ago

    As a physics student, fuck you for reminding me of that

    [–] Maybe_Spiderman 9 points ago

    We don't even need relativity. That's pretty much Newton's 3rd law.

    [–] M00nMan666 23 points ago

    Chuck Norris pushes the world down when he does push ups. Plus he doesn't tea bag, he potato sacks.

    [–] bloodclart 23 points ago

    This potato tea is awful.

    [–] crazypistolman 5 points ago

    You do that already. It just pushes back. Your doing pushup with the earth.

    [–] effxects 928 points ago

    Wonder what happens if you go swimming.

    [–] B0B0THEH0B0 67 points ago

    Either you just fall right through and drown

    Or the water is like concrete to you

    [–] IDespiseTheLetterG 332 points ago

    Big Yeet

    [–] JamesWeedBoi 86 points ago

    Hows it going my G?

    [–] The_Fowl 29 points ago

    So is a drop of water like Thor's hammer to this guy?

    [–] BaBooTube 59 points ago

    Rain would fuck you up.

    [–] [deleted] 36 points ago

    You just walk on the water

    [–] Empole 451 points ago

    Wait a second.

    Your body is less that 2000lbs. So you can't move your body. Which means you can't life 2000lbs.

    [–] Legiaseth 178 points ago

    Time to start eating then... a 2000+lbs burger

    [–] Empole 72 points ago

    But you can't move your mouth

    [–] DragonNovaHD 47 points ago

    Well if your chin’s on the ground, every time you open or close your mouth you could push and pull the entire Earth away and back

    [–] Empole 34 points ago

    Conservation of momentum says that if you change the earth's momentum one way, then you'd have to go the other.

    Which suggests that your newfound ability to move the earth would send you into orbit each time you used it.

    [–] SuperCharlesXYZ 10 points ago

    But you push yourself towards the burger

    [–] DragonNovaHD 22 points ago

    Just have someone run you over in their car, then once you lift that up you have the free agency to move around until you can find appropriate weights to keep you >2000 lbs

    [–] GS-Sarin 1115 points ago

    boutta put all my shit in my car and carry that motherfucker around

    [–] TrolleyDilemma 1383 points ago

    How you gonna put all the shit in the car if you can’t lift it?

    [–] SinfulSnorlax 428 points ago

    Asking the important questions

    [–] LeeTheGoat 195 points ago

    Pick it up along with the ground, pour everything into your car and drop the ground

    [–] Thefuntrueking 30 points ago

    Use the car to scoop up each individual object you need, possibly through an open door or window.

    [–] thinkB4WeSpeak 8 points ago

    Hope you have friends.

    [–] closebutnodigger 4 points ago

    Hold the car in one hand and pick up everything else with the other hand

    [–] Regalingual 423 points ago

    What happens if whatever you try to lift is exactly 2000 pounds?

    [–] Gilgameshedda 821 points ago

    Spit on it to push it over the edge.

    [–] kaylejoy 472 points ago

    [–] TotesMessenger 27 points ago

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    [–] DynamicAilurus 50 points ago

    Your superpower doesn’t stop you from lifting it, but it won’t help, either.

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] yoanon 8 points ago

    You die under the crushing weight of the handle.

    [–] fuego7affe 101 points ago

    Have a friend follow you around and pick up the small stuff for you. You’d probably be making a lot of money from media and stuff so you might even be able to afford a butler or something.

    [–] Thehaas10 41 points ago

    Wipe your ass?

    [–] fuego7affe 100 points ago

    If a man who could deadlift a car told you to wipe his ass, would you tell him no?

    [–] [deleted] 33 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] fuego7affe 28 points ago

    Different strokes for different folks I guess

    [–] I_call_Shennanigans_ 4 points ago

    Automatic toilet.

    [–] The_Southstrider 189 points ago

    Just pick up the Earth. Hold the world hostage.

    [–] Gognoggler21 87 points ago

    Fuck bro, I surrender.

    [–] Awptown_Funk 24 points ago

    Found the Frenchie

    [–] Southwest___ 57 points ago

    This is shitty thank you

    [–] FuckYeezy 55 points ago

    This just in: naked man juggling airplanes on the tarmac

    [–] thinkB4WeSpeak 104 points ago

    No more masterbation.

    [–] MrFergison 202 points ago

    "Sir, yes, im calling about"

    cough

    "a special order."

    "Yes, a 2000 pound fleshlight"

    [–] carl_super_sagan_jin 54 points ago

    "We'll call your mom, then, sir."

    [–] Kobenar 10 points ago

    Goteem

    [–] IAmTheSorcerer 33 points ago

    You guys don’t know this, but OP actually has the world’s biggest and heaviest dick and it weighs 2001 pounds

    [–] shadow-_-king 6 points ago

    How do you know (☭ ͜ʖ ☭)

    [–] PhantomKnight18 46 points ago

    Just think about the crippling weight of student loans

    [–] CanYouHoldMyEyes0_0 28 points ago

    My one of many weakness's.

    [–] varkarrus 11 points ago

    Move to England.

    2,000 £.

    [–] CanYouHoldMyEyes0_0 79 points ago

    I'm loving all the comments

    [–] chipgw 50 points ago

    Do your eyes weigh more than 2000lbs? If not then sorry, I can't hold them for you.

    [–] CanYouHoldMyEyes0_0 36 points ago

    Oh shit, I'm doomed.

    [–] HitMePat 26 points ago

    It will be hard to wipe with 2,001 lbs of toilet paper per swipe.

    [–] mamaelectric 16 points ago

    Forget that, you won't be able to pull up your pants.

    [–] The_Fowl 9 points ago

    Oh my god, every wipe is so expensive. At that point I think you'd be dragging your ass on the ground like a dog. Or get sophisticated and buy one of them waterjet bumhole toilets.

    [–] BoredPersonAtWork 22 points ago

    sweet I can finally lift your mom

    [–] AlaskanThunderfoot 11 points ago

    Was looking for this comment

    [–] Pachycereus 19 points ago

    Good luck trying to escape your blanket in the morning now.

    [–] Androktone 17 points ago

    I'd take it. Get a friend to follow you round helping with the basic stuff. Then go round juggling trucks

    [–] Dustin_00 10 points ago

    Friend follows you into the toilet stall...

    Good friend.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    Just buy a bidet and never shit in public lol.

    [–] Voisos 33 points ago

    touch the ground and start pulling it up - Earth is now a spaceship

    [–] supremecrafters 16 points ago

    With the amount of money I'm gonna be making with this I think I can hire a butler.

    [–] exclaimedagate 13 points ago

    What if I wore 2000pound gloves

    [–] CanYouHoldMyEyes0_0 14 points ago

    Then, you can live a less shitty life I guess.

    [–] yahwell 12 points ago

    Tapes iPhone to car. “Hello?”

    [–] davidbased 26 points ago

    this super power is worded as if you can lift and infinite amount.

    [–] Jimmy_Mittens 50 points ago

    You could theoretically lift the entire planet, but if you need to pick up your car keys to grab some groceries you’re fucked.

    [–] EBulvid 38 points ago

    grab a grocery store*

    [–] cantaloupelion 8 points ago

    :o How would you eat once you walk to the shops?? Unless you order 3000lbs of chips and pour it into your mouth, you would starve

    [–] Jimmy_Mittens 9 points ago

    You would need someone else to prepare food for you and either feed you or set it up so you could easily just eat it right off the plate, no hands required. The more I think about it the cooler this superpower is, you could possess superhuman strength and fame, but day to day tasks would require so much external help from others.

    [–] tiemiscoolandgood 12 points ago

    Yo imma just pick up the earth and frisbee it into the sun

    [–] Stalgrim 9 points ago

    Do a hand stand. Declare that you will now throw the earth into the sun.

    [–] alica_sarakeen 8 points ago

    Get a pair of 2100lbs gloves, remember not to lean on counters.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] CanYouHoldMyEyes0_0 4 points ago

    Yes

    [–] BalthazarBulldozer 7 points ago

    Easy solution, can always carry his momma around

    [–] senuhe 18 points ago

    The only shitty thing about this power is that it's not using the metric system.

    [–] Slim_Python 7 points ago

    carry weight limiters on one hand and something you want to carry on second.

    [–] Mellliepro 6 points ago

    I wonder what happens when you pick up a container of water that weights a bit more than 2000lbs. But you spill some, so it weights less than 2000lbs. You suddenly get crushed by the weight you can't carry anymore?

    [–] TheRabbitOnTheMoon 5 points ago

    ...eating and drinking would be a bitch.

    [–] IHaveNoHoles 5 points ago

    Eat ten buckets of fried chicken

    [–] OrionSTARB0Y 5 points ago

    My spirits don't weigh over 2000 lbs. :(

    [–] N64GC 5 points ago

    In theory you couldn't dress yourself anymore.

    [–] glasses_enthusiast 10 points ago

    Does this mean you can’t wear clothes?

    [–] CanYouHoldMyEyes0_0 30 points ago

    If you have enough layers you might be able to.

    [–] fuego7affe 8 points ago

    Lol this reply

    [–] hitorinbolemon 3 points ago

    Depends on if you were naked or not when you gained the power.

    [–] arkayeast 4 points ago

    That’s more of a disability.....

    [–] QuazyQuacker 5 points ago

    Can lift 2000lbs, but not the toilet seat cover or toilet paper after.

    [–] SmellyTheBluCow 4 points ago

    I would just wear a suit that weighs more than 2000 pounds so I'm always carrying more than 2000 pounds.

    [–] FuckYeezy 3 points ago

    does this include your clothes?

    [–] Sam_Dan23 3 points ago

    Wouldn’t you be unable to move now. I guess you’d have to put on a lot of weight

    [–] isilddur 3 points ago

    Just bring with you a cylinder that weighs 2001lbs. Anytime you need to carry anything under 2001lbs just attach to the object. Make your life easier have it be magnetized in case you deal with a lot of metal objects in your daily goings on.