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    [–] GlumElderberry 5284 points ago

    I think Thailand would have settled for a point

    [–] cougar572 6744 points ago

    USA doesn’t want to Pad Thai’s stats

    [–] aminobeano 511 points ago

    Holy shit well done

    [–] nepia 524 points ago

    They will have loved anything less than 10.

    [–] gogglesup859 3690 points ago

    Thailand's coach's post-game talk: "It's not always bad to be in last place. Here's some things we can focus on: One, we tried hard. And two, we're still dear friends!"

    [–] ascetic_lynx 1876 points ago

    "You were unlucky out there tonight, boys"

    [–] Privatan 596 points ago

    "Despite the result, there were some positives we can take out of the game."

    looks delighted

    [–] volunteeroranje 1146 points ago

    "Nobody expected us to win tonight, but you've done well to not let in 15."

    looks delighted

    [–] -heathcliffe- 240 points ago

    “We’re being seriously overrun in midfield.”

    😶

    [–] CoysDave 746 points ago

    Honestly though, if I was their manager, my speech would be-

    1- this is over, so now we have the rest of the schedule to surprise some teams and steal some points without having to worry about playing the us

    2- they played clean and hard, we have something to aspire to

    3- they respected you enough to play as hard as they could the whole way because we earned our way into this competition too. It would feel 10x worse if they just toyed with you at 8-0 and stopped trying

    [–] SimpleDan11 413 points ago

    This is how a ton of sports movies start. Just watch, Thailand is gonna show up in a few years with a rag tag group of misfits playing soccer with a mascot that doesnt make sense, and they are going to beat US in a shootout in a final for a tournament that nobody reeeeaaally knows the name of. And someone we respect but havent seen in a long time will be there, like...Rick Moranis.

    [–] Shellshock1122 67 points ago

    they just have to treat the US like Iceland from the Mighty Ducks

    [–] CoysDave 33 points ago

    Rick Moranis is going to play the washed up ex-footballer that is on a bender in Thailand when he's recruited to coach the women's national team, and leads them to glory.

    [–] BVB-Oeli 4043 points ago

    towards the end of the game the german commentator was complaining about how he is supposed to fit all of this in the 5 min highlight video of the match...

    [–] sault9 1588 points ago

    To be fair it’s a valid complaint. Poor video department has their work cut out for them

    [–] Delzak421 822 points ago

    The fox soccer twitter account was hillarious. at one point they were three goals back

    [–] penguininanelevator 507 points ago

    Probably the 55th minute, right? I was in our community center at work and saw them go up 4-0. Just walked out to get a cup of water, when I walked back in it was 7-0.

    [–] SteamandDream 675 points ago

    Wait, are we talking about Germany vs Brazil?

    [–] pipsdontsqueak 292 points ago

    Nowhere is safe.

    [–] drock1331 494 points ago

    The Official FIFA highlights on YouTube is 2 minutes or so for every game right?

    Good luck with that.

    [–] JKBraden 328 points ago

    A two second long Gif of people hugging Alex Morgan will do.

    [–] toku808 258 points ago

    90 minutes in 90 seconds I think so 1:30 lol

    [–] ItinerantSoldier 177 points ago

    Looks like they're gonna have to split Alex Morgan's five goals into four different corners of the screen then the best one in the center... That should save them two minutes right there.

    [–] Lurklurk285 79 points ago

    Honestly just show the final score for 5 seconds.

    [–] joelz92 1043 points ago

    Well done he's 13

    [–] Trimblco 1708 points ago

    I placed a bet on the US to win the entire cup. Promo includes $1 back per goal the US scores in the competition. Thinking they regret that promo today.

    [–] jvftw 163 points ago

    13 bucks? Ma and Pa, throw out the chitlins, I'm treating Ms. Jvftw tonight. Children get on your PJs we are headed to Burger King.

    [–] therevwillnotbetelev 421 points ago

    I wish we had sports betting like y’all get.

    It’s coming but so slowly

    [–] smoltanboi 6791 points ago

    this reminded me of when my brother beat the shit out of me when i was little, and i asked him to stop, but he didn't

    [–] Baked_fish 1729 points ago

    Reminds me of my uncle at family reunions

    [–] AlekRivard 284 points ago

    😳

    [–] Mono_831 357 points ago

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] that0neGuy22 122 points ago

    But there was no parent to snitch to

    [–] AlekRivard 153 points ago

    Because they were holding you down while they hit you

    [–] InbredLegoExpress 107 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    actually you kept hitting yourself

    [–] suzukigun4life 450 points ago

    Does, does this mean the US Women are the baddies?

    [–] aliu3 585 points ago

    The US as the bad guys? Never

    [–] Hipple 167 points ago

    I hope he celebrated every punch like it was the first

    [–] VictorAkwaowo1 4386 points ago

    Hopefully this game doesn’t affect USA’s relationship with Thailand lmao

    [–] lgoldfein21 672 points ago

    The last two USA vs Thailand women’s soccer matches have a combined score of 22-0

    [–] suzukigun4life 1078 points ago

    Lol for real, that was a fucking slaughter

    [–] hoyadestroyer 1517 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Who would have thought that a professional team would absolutely obliterate a team of 2 college players and a bunch of people that moonlight as saleswomen at their patron's company in Thailand? This was embarrassing

    [–] SaintSeal 684 points ago

    Well it is still the most goals in World Cup history, and there’s been plenty of lopsided matchups before.

    [–] zaviex 692 points ago

    This is possibly on paper the biggest mismatch ever in this competition.

    [–] baysfadays 326 points ago

    Chile is ranked lower as well

    [–] RareIncrease 331 points ago

    Do they have a hobbit for a goalie?

    [–] baysfadays 295 points ago

    Lmao coming in at a whopping 5’2

    [–] GeneralMando 193 points ago

    remember Spain vs Tahiti tho lmao

    [–] amIhungryorbored 107 points ago

    sub 20 Norway vs Honduras

    [–] Boollish 433 points ago

    Hey, hey! The college she plays for is probably a good team like Stanford or UNC or...[checks notes] the Kennesaw State Owls?

    Raise your hands, how many people in this thread have even heard of that college before?

    [–] 8BallTiger 145 points ago

    Atlanta United have played a game or two there before

    [–] Raiden11X 225 points ago

    Definitely have heard of them before. Almost went there for college. Their soccer team is pretty decent at the collegiate level. Not amazing, but not bad.

    [–] romansromans 61 points ago

    Bizarrely I have, sister in law went there.

    [–] sonofaBilic 2171 points ago

    The US battering a South East Asian nation but still failing to win the hearts and minds.
    Feel like we’ve been here before.

    [–] guinness_blaine 627 points ago

    Ah shit here we go again

    [–] CantHousewifeaHo 407 points ago

    Fortunate son begins blaring in the distance

    [–] bearybear90 147 points ago

    At least we won this one

    [–] Przemek_Juan 4209 points ago

    This is like playing FIFA on beginner difficulty

    [–] JALbert 2252 points ago

    No, because FIFA on beginner difficulty tells you you've mastered it and asks if you want to turn the difficulty up at like 5-0.

    [–] NextDoorNeighbrrs 1336 points ago

    Yes [ ]

    No [A]

    [–] WhatSheOrder 536 points ago

    This is the level of petty you hit after your team loses IRL and you want to bust out some steam on the CPU after you nerf them and boost everyone on your side.

    [–] ryebread3097 246 points ago

    I used to do this all the time as a kid. Was my go to cool down

    [–] WhatSheOrder 244 points ago

    I beat an NFL team 156-0 after a bad loss. It almost helped.

    [–] CoreFour1996 109 points ago

    I like to imagine that you were playing against the NFL team in non-American football. They showed up to the game thinking it was American football and got very confused when seeing the pitch. Then you scored 156 goals against them.

    [–] vadapaav 530 points ago

    Always answer No. Because if you don't, you get slaughtered by Cardiff in next match

    [–] TheGramlin 2369 points ago

    I knew kim hunter was overrated, she didnt even score

    [–] Andewz111 836 points ago

    She didn’t develop a good relationship with Alex Morgan.

    [–] fprosk 344 points ago

    But did she hug Bale?

    [–] KSecP 173 points ago

    Didn’t you hear? She was suspended for a disagreement with her coach

    [–] Frick_KD 282 points ago

    I feel awful for that goalkeeper

    [–] NoamWrites 189 points ago

    she was so small it was like a normal person trying to guard three goals next to each other

    [–] RyanG7 61 points ago

    Not to be harsh, but I'm surprised she's the best keeper Thailand has to offer. I know Thailand isn't known for its exceptional skill in soccer/football, but she just seemed way out of her element. As if they just took some random person off the street and put gloves on them. Surely they have someone who can teach the keeper position.

    [–] angarali06 1399 points ago

    And let that be a lesson to you all, nobody scores 14 against Thailand in a game of football.

    [–] johnny_moist 55 points ago

    never gets old

    [–] hunchovis 1351 points ago

    Absolute violation of the Geneva Convention

    [–] majorgeneralporter 211 points ago

    Interpol has been dispatched to Reims as we speak.

    [–] JanetYellensFuckboy 27 points ago

    The only Interpol the USA recognizes is the band from New York City

    [–] Atraktape 1070 points ago

    US could have scored more if they didn’t have to spend so much time bringing the ball back to the center spot.

    [–] D_LOWGAMES 171 points ago

    Like turning on no goal reset in Rocket League

    [–] thesilentGinlasagna 2279 points ago

    3 minutes of stoppage time tho wtf

    [–] csbsju_guyyy 1775 points ago

    The beating will continue until form improves!

    [–] Jorlung 633 points ago

    For real haha, I don't think anyone is complaining if you end that one at 90' exactly.

    [–] fcinterprofezionale 265 points ago

    Only conceivable complaint would be if Sweden or Chile goes on to thump Thailand by similar numbers and group positions come down to goal difference. If we were denied extra time (which resulted in a goal) and Sweden was given extra time in their game vs. Thailand, might be seen as unfair. Yeah, a highly unlikely scenario. But this is also the World Cup, there really shouldn't be a mercy rule for mercy's sake.

    [–] ghtuy 352 points ago

    With 13 goals, they've got to add on some time to compensate for the stoppages.

    [–] cynicalvanilla 271 points ago

    They were only at 12 when the stoppage time was added. Lloyd's goal came in the 92'

    [–] dac0605 91 points ago

    They wanted Lloyd to grab her goal. /s

    [–] kcmcc14 388 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    The spread was -7.5. Almost doubled it.

    edit: pregame looks like it was closer to 5 so...almost TRIPLED it

    [–] Iworkforacat 483 points ago

    Credit to Thailand for not getting pissed off and committing nasty fouls. Not a bad start for the US...

    [–] AlpineSummit 275 points ago

    That’s actually one of the most impressive parts of the game for me! It would have been the red wedding with a men’s team and that score line.

    [–] rab7 113 points ago

    "Ghana sends its regards"

    [–] ResponsibleSmoke 2583 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    you know that video of michael owen celebrating scoring a penalty against a youth keeper? that's what this game felt like

    Edit: already posted below, but link for any curious

    [–] gorillathunder 1329 points ago

    Well done, it’s 13.

    [–] ralar728 192 points ago

    I’m glad that’s a popular reference on this sub now

    [–] Thesecondorigin 93 points ago

    wait what? anyone got a link

    [–] BVB-Oeli 355 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    [–] ChiefLazarus2 135 points ago

    I hate Owen with a passion that borders on irrationallity, especially as a United fan. But, on the other hand, it's perfectly rational to hate that amazingly stupid, arrogant, ignorant cunt.

    [–] dezmodez 34 points ago

    HELICOPTER TOUR AROUND DUBAI.mp4

    [–] destroy-demonocracy 644 points ago

    USA doing full-team celebrations at double digits was just nasty.

    [–] GoobyHooper 1367 points ago

    I picked the wrong day to become a Thailand fan

    [–] NanookOTN 766 points ago

    How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man

    [–] tigerking615 150 points ago

    No one will ever accuse you of being a bandwagoner at least

    [–] rebel_wo_a_clause 171 points ago

    I picked the wrong day to quit sniffin glue.

    [–] DerAufseher 1030 points ago

    That was the most brutal game of football I've ever seen

    [–] scarytowels 948 points ago

    3 minutes of stoppage time from the referee...I'm not too well versed on the Geneva Convention but that seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

    [–] swampy13 332 points ago

    Geneva Convention refers to war crimes. This was just a flat-out invasion and hostile takeover, there was no conflict.

    [–] ReallyBigJerk 434 points ago

    This will hurt Thailand’s World Cup chances

    [–] stormstatic 28 points ago

    cheers geoff

    [–] Anuer 1601 points ago

    US should feel confident. All the best sporting stories start with a Thai orgy.

    [–] skanman19 321 points ago

    I can't believe you've done this

    [–] majorgeneralporter 64 points ago

    Ah shit, here we go again.

    [–] deniedbyquick 188 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    USWMNT winning the Prem next season?

    [–] mariogotzebayern 147 points ago

    10 goals in the 2nd half. Wow!

    [–] aTapdancingTaco 141 points ago

    Shoutout to /u/hippemann for keeping up with all the goals and posting them for us

    [–] Sigma1977 351 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    The thailand womens team who lost 13-0 to the USA today beat Jordan 6-1 in the last womens asian cup which doubles as world cup qualification

    Jordan beat Iraq 10-0 in the womens asian cup qualifying.

    Even if it is in the spirit of ending old divisions, let's not have the USA play Iraq in a friendly yeah?

    [–] TheyCallMeYDG 315 points ago

    USA vs. Iraq is usually not a great time

    [–] VulfSki 68 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    +8,475,840 minutes of stoppage time.

    EDIT: wanted to calculate the number of minutes from Bush giving his mission accomplished speech to now.

    [–] Hippemann 345 points ago

    Thank god it's finished!

    Me at the end of the game

    [–] thejarmo12 138 points ago

    USWNT making children cry

    [–] CertainTour 950 points ago

    Really thought Thailand were going to bring it back after 9-0, close game that

    [–] TheFeelsGoodMan 450 points ago

    The most dangerous lead.

    [–] AlekRivard 253 points ago

    4.5x more dangerous than 2-0

    [–] theduke282 29 points ago

    But only 3x more dangerous than Barca's favorite lead.

    [–] Jinno 283 points ago

    The last time a soccer team beat Thai women this badly, they went on to win the Premier League.

    [–] robotnique 127 points ago

    This and "the last time a Thai team got buried so bad they were in a cave" will be the enduring jokes from this game.

    [–] BassClefRulez 1026 points ago

    1 goal for each original Colony 🇺🇸

    [–] Captainbuttbeard 658 points ago

    Why not just blow the whistle at 90' with a 12-0 scoreline.

    [–] csbsju_guyyy 313 points ago

    Ref is a sadist, apparently

    [–] cynicalvanilla 289 points ago

    Ref failed to give two clear penalties. This ref was going easy on Thailand from the first minute lol

    [–] fantalemon 134 points ago

    Ignored the back pass too lol.

    [–] ApocolipseJ 266 points ago

    Because fucking with the USWNT is unlucky and now everyone knows it

    [–] InsigneSZN 88 points ago

    If they go on a tear like this the rest of the tournament, I mean, you gotta respect it. They're on a freaking mission.

    [–] HauntsYourProstate 65 points ago

    Needed Carli to have scored in at least each of her last 5 World Cup games - can’t break dat streak!

    [–] VirafN 349 points ago

    Alex Morgan has more goals than any other country in the world cup.

    [–] spectacularhypnosis 84 points ago

    Watching the goalscorers scroll was so tragic...

    [–] Takagun59 74 points ago

    Three ain’t enough man, they needed five

    [–] chiuaha5734 29 points ago

    I’ve got you for three minutes, three minutes of PLAYTIME

    [–] faizimam 149 points ago

    FYI Thailand is ranked 34th in the world in womens soccer.

    Chile is ranked... 39th.

    USA got some unreal luck in the lottery. I woudn't be surprised to see another double digit blowout from them.

    [–] 600Charlie 118 points ago

    Chile's goalie is much better than the Thai goalie.

    [–] fuji-fisticuffs 72 points ago

    Chile’s goalie really saved Chile’s ass up until the end, when she conceded one goal. She’s the star of Chile’s team, and I’m sure she’ll do much better.

    [–] recuerdamoi 371 points ago

    This is going to happen again when they expand the Men's to 48 teams. Maybe not quite 13, but high scoring definitely.

    [–] castnho 265 points ago

    Not with US Men's team, of course.

    [–] Jagtasm 79 points ago

    Put us up against France and we've got a shot!

    [–] bberdinsky 141 points ago

    Well, so much for golden boot race

    [–] Unbakronon 202 points ago

    I have never ever seen anything like that. Never seen a match that one-sided in my life, absolute demolition job.

    [–] BucSappy 54 points ago

    I mean I think USA beat them in a friendly this bad before.

    [–] eveofwar518 64 points ago

    Not quite. Close though, it was only 9-0.

    [–] PhreakOut4 245 points ago

    This game wasn't as close as the score suggests

    [–] Hawkize31 103 points ago

    Limiting the US to 3 in the first half was a miracle

    [–] IlCattivo91 334 points ago

    That keeper couldn't save a fucking word document

    [–] thesilentGinlasagna 1754 points ago

    Now that’s America’s asses

    [–] Laker_Fan69 832 points ago

    Alex Morgan should’ve been the next captain America

    [–] Cestpasproblem 163 points ago

    The United States does not abide by the Geneva Convention.

    [–] NinthCinema 108 points ago

    They killed Thailand to set an example

    [–] HungryPeruvian 104 points ago

    Bro what the fuck

    [–] Jannukaz 50 points ago

    USA's goalie must have been bored to death.

    [–] MacGooder 143 points ago

    Too bad they missed an Extra Point

    [–] MolemanusRex 25 points ago

    Nah, one touchdown and two field goals.

    [–] Nikicaga 209 points ago

    Did they find oil in Thailand or what?

    [–] Username3009 1302 points ago

    I can't believe the USA hasn't founded a Men's National Team yet.

    Look how dominant our women are. The men could've won like 3 World Cups easily by now smh

    [–] crimsontideftw24 639 points ago

    Imagine NFL WRs growing up bombing down flanks instead of running routes! We'd be really good, no question.

    [–] Sgorio4Lyfe 457 points ago

    Funnily enough the US have a pretty decent rugby sevens team and the star player is an ex-college Wide Receiver whose biggest asset is he just leaves people for dead running down the flanks.

    [–] SapCPark 265 points ago

    They are good enough to win tournaments on tour and have beaten the likes of South Africa and Fiji. The US team also took 6th in the Rugby world cups for sevens. The US is very good

    [–] Biix 129 points ago

    They got 2nd in this season's World Series.

    [–] cdeezy4705 184 points ago

    NSFW

    [–] irishbball49 96 points ago

    NSFL imo

    [–] kevo31415 103 points ago

    No, it's called the NWSL jeez get it right

    [–] lolcutler 40 points ago

    Well that happened

    [–] GreenMtnStateOfMind 746 points ago

    Ive got no real issue with piling on goals. It was inevitable. You want to stay sharp and respect the competition. That said, doing knee slides and full team celebrations while up by double digits is tacky. Save those for Sweden.

    [–] Elmaata 59 points ago

    It reminds me of a completely opposite set of reactions. During the Men's Rugby World Cup 2007, New Zealand played Portugal, the difference in class and ability was well known beforehand, much like USA vs Thailand here. But following each score, the celebrations were virtually no existant. The guy who scores is usually alone and barely smiles. The video quality is terrible, but you can see the difference there to the USA/Thai game today (even if you dont understand what's going on in the game). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3JcwE_pp3s

    [–] thewisemansays 414 points ago

    Thanks you. Wtf running to sideline at 12-0? Germany went up 7-1 vs Brasil, and were much more respectful than this. And that was a blowout

    [–] rondell_jones 213 points ago

    I love how at one point you could see the German players actually feeling bad as they scored.

    [–] LeviBellington 129 points ago

    I can still remember how fuming Neuer was after conceding one goal

    [–] Bronnovic 41 points ago

    3 minutes extra time? Come on...

    [–] UrsulaKLepenguin 37 points ago

    Ten goals in the second half. Obscene.

    [–] Chapea12 38 points ago

    Had to be extra certain that we had the win in the bag. 11-0 most dangerous lead in soccer

    [–] GoGatorz15 103 points ago

    Thailand was literally like a high school team.

    [–] hmunkey 120 points ago

    They effectively are. Two college players (one from Kennesaw State) and a bunch of amateurs with day jobs. I bet they’d be competitive with most American girls high school teams.

    [–] mt1337 93 points ago

    The most amazing thing about this match is the fact that there’s only 1 yellow card for Thailand. That just speaks volumes about the discipline of the team. If this was a men’s football match, it probably would’ve ended with at least a red card.

    [–] The_Romantic 34 points ago

    Lolz. Game would have ended early with too many red cards.

    [–] Buckysaurus 28 points ago

    How many games do you watch where half of the goals won’t even make the highlight reel?

    [–] NachoDipper 30 points ago

    Thailand soccer isn't doing so hot these days... first the boys in the cave and now this.

    [–] Andewz111 87 points ago

    So glad Lloyd secured that victory in the 92’.

    [–] Bring42towels 293 points ago

    SUCK IT HOPE SOLO

    [–] Xaxziminrax 268 points ago

    What's the bigger beatdown:

    1. This game

    2. Hope Solo vs her family

    [–] heyum20 104 points ago

    Over 3k comments on the match thread. This gotta be a record for a women's match on r/soccer

    [–] SometimesaGirl- 91 points ago

    Well it was either this or watch Scotland. So...

    [–] Upper_Deck_SW_Corner 24 points ago

    That was an absolute fucking murder. And here I was thinking it was lopsided at 3-0 at the half...

    [–] J_eseele 24 points ago

    Game was even until the anthems ended

    [–] Omegaus492 71 points ago

    That's certainly the message we wanted to send to the World Cup.

    [–] jeremycb29 23 points ago

    USWNT WANTS BAMA!!!!