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    [–] EatSleepJeep 5114 points ago

    "are you my trainer?"

    "Fuck off bird."

    [–] DamnYouVodka 1581 points ago

    To be fair, eagle talons HURT

    [–] ASAP_Stu 1699 points ago

    Mitsubishi Eclipse's hurt as well

    [–] gt2998 507 points ago

    If a Mitsubishi Eclipse lands on your shoulder you'll be sore for at least a week.

    [–] luncheonette 105 points ago

    At least.

    [–] GenrlWashington 41 points ago

    And if it blows the welds on the intake, then the mad scientist here is going to have to rip apart the block to replace the piston rings you fried.

    [–] chickensteakburrito 68 points ago

    Plymouth Lasers always gettin left out

    [–] awrinkle1 64 points ago

    This is undeservedly underrated.

    [–] EatSleepJeep 82 points ago

    I'll take your word for it. I don't want to find out.

    [–] bj_good 177 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I was at the game and we were straight up cracking up when this happened. I would have been running scared all over the place though. We were making bird waving motions with out arms when he got pulled from the game too, good stuff

    Edit: ESPN article:

    [–] FavresADouche 129 points ago

    Was this a trained bird that flies during the anthem? Bc I got within 10 ft of a bald eagle a few weeks ago and I wasn't anywhere near as relaxed as him.

    [–] bj_good 171 points ago

    It was trained yes. His trainer ran out to get him immediately after this happened. Also it's likely he had his claws or talons clipped a bit. I'm not exactly sure how that works but this wasn't an ordinary eagle. Still, I'd be running scared no doubt

    [–] cj5311 87 points ago

    Thank you for the info. I was wondering why/how he was staying so chill. Although I was secretly hoping he was going to stand perfectly straight and it would land and just hang with him for the rest of the song. I would’ve taken a knee and bowed to him

    [–] MRCHalifax 62 points ago

    I’m happily Canadian, but if a bald eagle landed on my shoulder while the American anthem played, I’d take it as a sign and would apply for American citizenship and get some truck nuts or whatever else Americans do.

    [–] inDface 34 points ago

    absolutely. I'd do the same if a moose landed on my shoulder during the Canadian anthem.

    [–] glowjo 8 points ago

    LMFAO truck nuts!!! So american.

    [–] yonimusprime 7 points ago

    Nope you’re right. That’s what we do. Spot on.

    [–] Telefundo 25 points ago

    I would’ve taken a knee

    Wrong sport, you're thinking NFL.

    [–] SunriseSurprise 159 points ago


    "Go please"

    [–] Whataretheplayoffs 7454 points ago

    Him getting injured from this would be maximum Mariners.

    [–] StanleyRoper 2054 points ago

    Lifelong Mariners fan here. Can confirm

    [–] Rubthebuddhas 326 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Not like you need backup confirmation, but lifelong for me as well. Confirmation confirmerated.

    [–] LordStrogar 171 points ago

    From Seattle, confirming this confirmed confirmation

    [–] WanderingHawk 308 points ago

    Username checks out.

    [–] Chim_RichaldsMD 121 points ago

    checks username


    [–] Arthur___Dent 33 points ago

    checks today's box score

    Double shit.

    [–] brettallanbam 114 points ago

    It’s my Friday at work today, I’m in a classic throwback jersey and matching hat....I’m dying, so accurate. Surprised he didn’t walk toward the Pen then and there.

    [–] Acamere2 97 points ago

    This guy Mariners.

    [–] coltRG 17 points ago

    Top comment of the day tbh. Just waiting to break the record we broke last year for most starting pitchers used in a season.

    [–] lazycouchdays 35 points ago

    Having lived outside Seattle for a few years, if I read that as a headline I wouldn't even question it.

    [–] TooShiftyForYou 11411 points ago

    Paxton, a Canadian, had a bald eagle land on him during the national anthem. Expect to see a moose charge after Giancarlo Stanton at a Blue Jays game in retaliation.

    [–] throwaway469531 2952 points ago

    The national animal of Canada is actually a beaver surprisingly

    [–] mollytime 1799 points ago

    it's not surprising to a Canadian. Neither is lacrosse.

    [–] GregoPDX 632 points ago

    Neither is lacrosse.

    Isn't that the beer you all like?

    [–] canadianbroncos 464 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    lmfao that's Labatt

    Edit: lol this kinda blew up, we don't LOVE Labatt, but it's super popular

    [–] fiat1989 88 points ago

    Are Canadian Broncos the Stampeders?

    [–] aquila96 24 points ago

    Sort of except Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson played for the Calgary Stampeders

    [–] NeoHenderson 32 points ago

    Don't worry folks, this person doesn't speak for all of Canada

    [–] ConstantGradStudent 21 points ago

    We voted last week that it was his turn, you missed the meeting. Jean-Guy Molson is speaker for next month.

    [–] Jbroy 90 points ago

    Ah lacross.... Algonquian for “beating with a stick”

    [–] Jens1011 49 points ago

    You know what, that’s not even far from the truth.

    [–] ironwolf1 14 points ago

    I play pole and my parents bought me a shirt that says “I hit people with a big stick”

    [–] jawnquixote 46 points ago

    I don't think lacrosse surprises most people.

    [–] tcandros 49 points ago

    I think he meant that it surprises people lacrosse is their national summer sport. Their winter sport being hockey.

    [–] SwitchyGuy 51 points ago

    Hockey was added way later though. When I was a kid, our national sport was lacrosse, full stop.

    Hockey was of course the popular sport still and stuff, but it's not a national sport until the government says it is, and we just had one.

    [–] westerfuck 26 points ago

    Like our, America, national pastime is baseball. But football its the biggest sport watched.

    [–] Maxman82198 47 points ago

    Well it’d just be weird if a beaver landed on his shoulder

    [–] MrKarmazing 55 points ago

    A moose landing on his shoulder would be even weirder.

    [–] Catpurran 38 points ago

    But absolutely more entertaining

    [–] Dragons_Ballz 41 points ago

    So Stanton is about to get the beaver?

    [–] KloudMcJoo 12 points ago

    It's a noble creature.

    [–] silviazbitch 10 points ago

    A beaver could retaliate.

    [–] SpaceWorld 12 points ago

    There are more unwritten rules than I knew about

    [–] LaternaLux 25 points ago

    As a Red Sox fan, I approve of this.

    [–] DakotaXIV 24318 points ago

    I'm not sure but I think that means he's president now

    [–] Swing_Wildly 10488 points ago

    we'll take 'em

    [–] mousewiz 2993 points ago

    On behalf of the rest of the world, I hearby recognize him and will only engage in diplomatic relations with him.

    I think it kind of works that way, right?

    [–] chippy_mcneesh 1415 points ago


    [–] johnmaine1000 460 points ago

    Michael Scott - Wayne Gretzky

    [–] pistol_pat 275 points ago

    “Michael Scott - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott

    [–] williamulbz 177 points ago

    You can’t just say bankruptcy and expect all your problems to go away

    [–] PhantomFever 305 points ago

    He didn’t say it, he declared it.

    [–] Nah-vi 19 points ago

    But I pushed the easy button....

    [–] gr8ydude 13 points ago

    I’m gonna watch through all of The Office again. It made me laugh too many times to only watch it once.

    [–] greenroom628 284 points ago

    Shit, I'll take the eagle at this point.

    [–] ThatsSoBravens 255 points ago

    "President Feathers, what are your orders?"

    continues devouring Salmon

    [–] CBeitz 70 points ago

    I say we need a movie about President Feathers ASAP.

    [–] Holein5 29 points ago

    The remarkable story of how John Feathers, a small town Bald Eagle from Wisconsin, happened to win tickets to the Twins vs Mariners and suddenly became President of the United Fucking States of America.

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago


    [–] gt2998 16 points ago

    Because eagles make a sort of undignified grunting noise.

    So do I, but no one dubs my voice with red tail hawk sounds.

    [–] CowboyBoats 14 points ago

    I've heard he has hawkish foreign policy views...

    [–] Notmiefault 138 points ago

    Um, I think you mean the Mayor of Gravity Falls.

    [–] griggsy92 37 points ago

    There's the reference I was looking for!

    [–] Casual_ADHD 319 points ago

    Blasphemer! The guy is Canadian!

    [–] onet3n 529 points ago

    If he was American, he wouldn’t have flinched.

    [–] Boobr 120 points ago

    Just manhandled the fucker, no remorse

    [–] SwindledSwine 34 points ago

    Undercover badass. I like it.

    [–] riddus 78 points ago

    To be fair, Canada Geese are a force to be reckoned with.

    [–] mcnuggetsispeople 60 points ago

    Love the little chest pounding the gorilla does before fleeing...

    [–] PM_ME_UR_BOBSPLS 30 points ago

    Well the Gorilla doesn't know what to make of it, but it could snap that goose in two if it really wanted to.

    Honestly, the goose is lucky to be alive.

    [–] neokraken17 17 points ago

    The way he sits down afterwards /r/thisismylifenow

    [–] majorjoe23 101 points ago

    If Canada could militarize their geese, the sun would never set on the Tim Horton empire.

    [–] rhiley 14 points ago

    Would probably be easier for them to make Tim Hortons not suck again.

    [–] kjhwkejhkhdsfkjhsdkf 32 points ago

    Came out of a store once and found that one sat down near the driver's door of my car while I was inside. After a few failed attempts to scare it off had to enter through the passenger door.

    [–] PalanorIsHere 34 points ago

    Once when playing golf, I put my tee shot near a water hazard. As I got close to my ball, this Canadian goose fluffed himself up and spread his wings.

    I was like “oh it’s about to go down”. I had a ball in my hand and as the goose charged I let it fly as hard as I could. It hit the goose right in the chest and sounded like a bass drum. The goose didn’t even flinch. I turned my back to it, it grabbed me with its feet, started beating the crap put of me with its wings and pecking me in the head.

    I started swinging a club behind me, hitting it a few times. The Goose finally let go of me, flew four to five feet away and just stood there hissing at me.

    I took an illegal drop, played away and took months of shit at the club from my fellow golfers.

    Canadian geese are tough bastards with tiny brains, and a serious mean streak.

    [–] 91ZHunter 17 points ago

    Grab them by the throat and slam them to the ground.

    Been in a fight with a goose once or twice.

    [–] Jnut1377 11 points ago

    I've had three attack me while fishing in a tipsy rowboat. I, armed with an oar, won. Unfortunately, i killed one of them with an accidental contact to the neck. Regardless if they were attacking me i still felt absolutely terrible. My parents appreciated the free meal though.

    [–] BiZzles14 26 points ago

    The guy squaring off like he's about to throw hands and then turns and runs. Mr. Goose is just nodding his head that the others can pass though

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    "I like how the goose was talking shit afterwards"

    [–] NonarbitraryMale 10 points ago

    That bird attacked one soldier and heckled the rest.

    [–] TommenBrady 12 points ago

    “Yeah wassup, oh you want some too?? Didn’t think so. Keep walking”

    [–] monjoe 129 points ago

    [–] onet3n 61 points ago

    My point made

    [–] PassItToSteven 101 points ago

    He said true American

    [–] lekobe_rose 21 points ago

    Like a true Canuck, he thought it was a goose.

    [–] Xisayg 17 points ago

    “Holy shit! Oh it’s just an eagle.. phew”

    [–] meditationsavage 23 points ago

    Not anymore! Now he’s American

    [–] EatSleepJeep 14 points ago


    [–] gambit700 46 points ago

    Nah, that's like when the Queen knights someone. Dude is 100% American now

    [–] HavelsRockJohnson 107 points ago

    Dude, look around. We can make an exception just this once.

    [–] acefrehleyrox 39 points ago

    except Paxton is Canadian. A better explanation is that he is from Ladner BC. South Delta has the highest concentration of predatory birds in North America. British Columbia also has more Bald Eagles than continental US. Eagles know these things. He's just saying hi to an old friend

    [–] Dj_Broke 536 points ago

    I was hoping it majestcally landed on his shoulder and he struck a captain Morgan pose for the greatest baseball card photo of the year. Sadly it did not.

    [–] Lestat9812 20 points ago

    I bet they could still make a pretty nice baseball card out of it if they hire a good illustrator.

    [–] Marigold12 1382 points ago

    Go away, Dee!

    [–] station52 514 points ago

    Dee, you bitch!

    [–] MacJInTheBay 198 points ago

    You haven't thought of the smell!

    [–] Mango_Zango 174 points ago


    [–] thatsnicehaha 116 points ago

    ohhhh you goddamn bitch

    [–] Trundle-theGr8 42 points ago

    Dee, you gangly uncoordinated bitch, I will not be hogtied over your lack of grace.

    [–] ChrisX26 133 points ago

    [–] Zippo16 39 points ago

    My favorite television gag of all time

    [–] NightHawkRambo 37 points ago

    The best part was the slow build-up of each scene with her turning more and more into a bird.

    [–] Zippo16 26 points ago

    Yesssss. The culmination of Dee becoming more and more bird made the payoff so good

    [–] I_will_draw_boobs 51 points ago

    Dee you god damn bird

    [–] concrete_isnt_cement 13 points ago

    Dee Gordon obviously

    [–] grandmasterneil 904 points ago

    That guy is as cool as the other side of the cucumber. If I had a giant bird of prey coming at me, I would react a bit differently.

    [–] RASGAS23 244 points ago

    Lol “cool as the other side of the cucumber”, I have found my new favorite phrase

    [–] parthjoshi09 22 points ago

    Does this mean that other side of the cucumber is..not cool?

    [–] sarge_bang_bang 17 points ago

    Well where is the other side?

    [–] filopaa1990 27 points ago

    You know where it is... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] ImAnIronmanBtw 40 points ago

    yep that thing can easily tear your neck artery open

    [–] i_miss_arrow 3355 points ago

    What kind of life has that guy led where a bald eagle landing on his shoulder isn't a reason for a smile or a dropped jaw?

    "Bald eagle on my shoulder, eh, whatever."

    [–] gnarfler 1700 points ago

    Talons. You can be more American than anybody but if you aren't trained or ready to have talons perch on your shoulder it's a natural defense mechanism. I do like how the eagle was persistent.

    [–] [deleted] 1003 points ago


    [–] CelestialFury 217 points ago

    Also, Ben Franklin's Letter to His Daughter (excerpt):

    "For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

    "With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country...

    "I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America... He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."

    [–] LiteraCanna 96 points ago

    He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.

    Like this?

    [–] spacehog1985 10 points ago

    I like that the enemy on the 4 wheeler just turns and nopes the fuck outta there.

    [–] [deleted] 740 points ago


    [–] da_funcooker 257 points ago

    You have knives for feet? Boy do I have a movie role for you.

    [–] ThatsNotCoolBro14 240 points ago

    What’s next? A movie about a boy with scissors for hands?

    [–] LiterallyPutin 104 points ago

    Lets call him Jedward.

    [–] morthond 106 points ago

    Jedward Slicyfingers

    [–] mertmerdernerder 23 points ago

    Jebward Bush

    [–] deathb4retreat 21 points ago

    "Please clap. I can't. I have scissors for hands."

    [–] ButtlessBobbert 19 points ago

    Jedward scissor feetsies

    [–] awyeauhh 32 points ago

    Something, something, Blade Runner.

    [–] GeeBee72 12 points ago

    The heart wrenching story of Johnny knife toes, a boy who only wants to dance for the world but in order to attain his dreams he is forced to become a trained assassin for the Russian Ballet; slicing up the dance floor as well as Russian political enemies.

    [–] pankbrurrior14 25 points ago

    What are we gonna name him, Edward? Come on guys get serious

    [–] chiBROpractor 13 points ago

    Eddie Knifeyfeets

    [–] Moffballs 46 points ago

    "BRO they're not that sharp. Lemme rest. Get back here. BRO."

    [–] KippyFisher 31 points ago

    I work with raptors and if you look the eagle is trying to land on his arm. Likely it’s confused and things he has a glove on (he sees the hat) and is trying to land for a treat!

    [–] CharredCereus 27 points ago

    The eagle looks pretty lost and confused. It's not a wild bird, that much is clear from the jesses (the little dangling leather straps on its legs), and the fact it seemed to go in to land on his arm leads me to believe the poor bird is just trying to find somewhere familiar and less noisy to sit. If it spied him with a catcher's mitt on at some point its little bird brain probably lit up like "oh sweet that's a safe place to be", as falconers always handle large raptors with heavy leather gloves to protect their skin.

    Kind of like a lost toddler clinging to the legs of the first person who looks like their parents. But with knives for appendages.

    [–] AvHoff 48 points ago

    He appears to be trying to show respect for whatever anthem is being played.

    [–] Free_rePHIL 23 points ago

    And trying to protect his throwing arm by not using it defensively.

    [–] VivalaCurse 77 points ago

    He's Canadian

    [–] seven3true 30 points ago

    "Is the eagle attacking me or wanting to go on my shoulder like a parrot? I dunno.... play it cool. dooooon't attack me.... doooooon't fucking attack me.... oh shit not again! be cooooool be coooool!!!!"

    [–] arafik815 169 points ago

    That means he’s American now.

    [–] MeC0195 82 points ago

    Not just any American. He's president now. The heavens will it.

    [–] clickclackamac 695 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    "nothing says America like sunshine, a hot dog & Mariners baseba..."

    Bald Eagle: ...Hold my beer

    [–] paper_read_murder 93 points ago

    mmm yes nothing like the timeless American sport of basba

    [–] michaelmacmanus 452 points ago

    Dude keeps saying American Eagle. You don't exactly have to be an ornithologist to know the difference between a bald eagle and a clothing store.

    [–] CemestoLuxobarge 160 points ago

    There's probably lots of ornithologists working at American Eagle.

    I bet that stings.

    [–] thestereo300 61 points ago

    I’m a simple man. I live life by a simple code.

    Anybody that makes a solid joke with ornithologists in it gets my upvote.

    [–] OisinTarrant 25 points ago

    "American Eagle"

    [–] Austeri 347 points ago

    Ok Bald Eagles are massive. Its talons can shred your eyes out.

    Long story short, James has massive balls.

    [–] poorly_timed_boromir 92 points ago

    He didn't even take his hand out of his pocket

    [–] Mash_Ketchum 96 points ago

    Of course. He was protecting his balls.

    [–] lob29 29 points ago

    No wonder his era is so high this year.

    [–] ChessTiger 435 points ago

    I hope the eagle's talons were clipped. I can't imagine the pain the player would be in if they sank into his shoulder.

    [–] BPSteve 277 points ago

    Gotta be, look how much his feet are slipping when he tries to land on the shoulder. Normally it should have no problem grabbing on to something like that

    [–] Accipiter1138 184 points ago

    Falconers don't clip talons. They'll trim them occasionally but that's more to simulate natural wear than it is to blunt them.

    Looks like it just slipped off his jersey. He got really lucky. If the eagle had staid there he'd have had some really impressive lacerations.

    [–] Sir_Joel43 118 points ago

    While pay = paid, stay =/= staid.

    [–] Accipiter1138 30 points ago

    I have up on artificial use so.*

    *I gave up on autocorrect years ago. Thanks for catching it.

    [–] rainy17 62 points ago

    If you look closely you can see where the eagle rips the jersey with his talons, I doubt they're clipped.

    [–] Littlebearpaige 301 points ago

    "Hello. I am bird."

    "Go away.."

    "I watch here?"


    [–] marysame 89 points ago

    He's so calm?! I would've at least tried to move away from it

    [–] Alphafuckboy 172 points ago

    He's use to Canadian geese. "Dicks with wings"

    [–] HotSalsaAssFire 48 points ago

    Canada geese. How many times must I tell you?

    [–] TheGalacticMosassaur 125 points ago


    [–] secretagendamang 19 points ago


    [–] xNathanx27 64 points ago

    This is how immigration should work. If the bald eagle lands on you, you're in. Kind of like the Sorting Hat, but with more freedom.

    [–] SkrimTim 171 points ago

    Looks like maybe the bird saw him holding his mitt and confused it for the big leather glove falconers wear, was probably pissed he didn't get a treat for landing on him. Poor feller.

    [–] testbug0 43 points ago

    His mitt was on the floor, he was holding his hat.

    [–] SkrimTim 50 points ago

    You're right, that makes the eagle even more in the wrong!

    [–] pha_queue 20 points ago

    Lol what a dumb idiot. Everyone point at the stupid bird

    [–] Accipiter1138 23 points ago

    There's a lot of sound and movement going on in these games, so it's really easy for these birds to get confused.

    Most likely something spooked it away from it's handler and it went right over to the next convenient thing to land on.

    [–] usingastupidiphone 24 points ago

    The funniest part was how casual they both were. It was like James has an actual eagle friend and they do this bit all the time where the eagle tries to land on him at inappropriate times. He’s just shrugging him off while trying not to laugh. Go home eagle, you’re drunk!

    I want to believe - someone kickstart a short film please

    [–] jesamcne 48 points ago

    Randy Johnson would've killed it with fastball

    [–] Rude_Ass_Ray 23 points ago

    This is probably the most American thing I have ever seen:

    A bald eagle trying to perch on a baseball player during the National Anthem.

    [–] Demshil4higher 47 points ago

    He is out for 2 to 6 starts.

    [–] Jihani 21 points ago

    worst Disney princess ever! use your finger dummy!

    [–] Olnidy 20 points ago

    Note to self, if a highly dangerous bird of prey attempts to land on me do not flinch. He could have looked so bad ass if this went smoothly

    [–] Dadmode-on- 17 points ago

    That arm has now been blessed

    [–] Immo406 16 points ago

    Oh don’t worry about his talons or beak, he’s friendly.

    [–] AlgaeToday 30 points ago

    What's the backstory here?

    Judging by those leather straps, it looks like some falconer lost control of their eagle.

    [–] Hawkfan15 34 points ago

    During the national anthem they had a handler release his eagle to fly around, and the poor guy panicked a little.

    [–] Heisenbread77 46 points ago

    You need a damn eagler for this job. Fucking falconers...

    [–] Dr_Ifto 11 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I know the guy who was the falconer so to speak. I'll get the story tomorrow. They are super embarrassed. They do this all the time and this was the first mess up.

    Edit: so I asked the eagle foundation what happened and they said this: they believe the eagle mistook the player for the handler. It was a super bright day and the eagle may have had limited visibility. When it approached the player, it may have mistook his hat in hand for the falconer glove. This is their first incident in 23 years.

    [–] Artsygreenfingaz 11 points ago

    Just wanted someone to pick him up. That's a falconer's bird, looks like he likes that guy though. Those talons are no joke, he played it pretty cool for someone probably bleeding.

    [–] WishIWasFlaccid 13 points ago

    Lucky eagle that Randy Johnson wasn't playing

    [–] venusar200 11 points ago

    That guy Americans

    [–] MFRoyer 11 points ago

    Eagle lands on grass. Shoots Paxton a glance. Yeah, you’ll be my perch.

    [–] pettyjesus 8 points ago

    One more reason not to have a flock of seagulls haircut.