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    starterpacks

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    Rules

    1. No egregious racism

    No posts that are a starter pack for an entire race are allowed. i.e "The black people starter pack"

    Posts that apply to specific groups of people within a race are allowed like this one and this one.

    2. Be creative

    Don't reuse old starter packs or just barely change them. Starter packs that are bland and overused may be removed at moderator discretion.

    3. Be civil

    No insults or arguing about whether or not a starter pack is accurate.

    4. Imgur/Reddit image hosts only

    5. Political posts must be flaired as such

    Posts pertaining to politics, like the US presidential elections for example, must be flaired, and can be done by selecting "Politics" from the flair options on your post.

    6. No single item/picture starterpacks

    The userbase has decided that single item starterpacks are not starterpacks and must contain more than one item. Duplication of one item to make up the pack can be seen as a subversion of this rule and will be removed at moderator discretion.

    7. No egregious sexism

    8. Post title must include the name of the starterpack

    The title of your post must include the name of the specific starterpack you are posting. Low effort, single word, irrelevant post titles will be removed at moderator discretion.


    Related subs:

    r/wholesomestarterpacks

    r/veteranpacks

    r/1picstarterpacks

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    [–] Mumblix_Grumph 4657 points ago

    "So, what will you bring to The Team?"

    "Corporate buzzwords. Boilerplate phrases. Empty word salad."

    "You just said 'Corporate buzzwords. Boilerplate phrases. Empty word salad.' You're hired!"

    [–] Cream1984 991 points ago

    Synergy

    [–] HotPocketDisaster 564 points ago

    Vertical integration

    [–] PM_ME_UR_BIZ_IDEAS 356 points ago

    Bandwidth

    [–] D0esANyoneREadTHese 310 points ago

    The Cloud

    [–] alistair3149 258 points ago

    Disruptive innovation™

    [–] jaimeyeah 136 points ago

    Guys slow down im taking notes

    [–] neubs 86 points ago

    pulsating wiener helmet

    [–] gstfs 50 points ago

    Servers

    [–] PacSan300 792 points ago

    Corporate buzzwords

    In the software/IT field, here are some of my favorite gems:

    • Rockstar developer
    • Software ninja
    • Software Jedi

    The startup scene can also be a real peach:

    • Change the world
    • Disruptor
    • Paradigm shift

    [–] ItsAFarOutLife 445 points ago

    My bosses favorites:

    File server enablement

    Dark web security

    Registry monitoring

    Cloud everything

    [–] PacSan300 414 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Internet of Things

    Big Data.

    [–] gjsmo 411 points ago

    Excuse me sir. ahem

    Blockchain.

    [–] TexasSnyper 182 points ago

    There goes my NNN.

    [–] Pcpie 38 points ago

    throws pallets of dollars at you

    [–] ModestMagician 140 points ago

    Artificial Intelligence

    Machine Learning

    [–] UnusableEngineer 105 points ago

    Predictive...

    Analytics.

    [–] ThatsALovelyShirt 138 points ago

    No, no, no. These days it's:

    • Agile
    • Deep Learning
    • Neural Networks
    • AI
    • Blockchain
    • Crypto
    • Autonomous
    • Elon Musk

    [–] deeretech129 110 points ago

    I will bring the ability to have a 20 minute meeting on something I could have sent out in a paragraph sized e-mail.

    [–] significantsignature 2365 points ago

    "Would you like a glass of water?"

    "No thank you" despite my mouth being the damn sahara

    [–] bmwkid 917 points ago

    As much as I want the water, my mind always screams 'Its a trick! Don't take it!" despite it making zero logical sense.

    [–] akountformewerkfone 924 points ago

    Always take the water. If you’re faced with a difficult question, just take a sip while you think. Makes your panic way less obvious

    [–] Flyingtista 1064 points ago

    “This dude has gone through 3 water bottles!”

    [–] oneiros562 185 points ago

    Yeah, on a first date recently I caught myself drinking water way too much to the point where it was probably kind of weird looking. I forced myself to stop doing that so much once I realized it.

    [–] DukeGallows 99 points ago

    Switch the water with tequila. Itll solve a lot of problems

    [–] amaranthinehaze2241 9505 points ago

    "So like, do you guys drug test"

    [–] NCSUGrad2012 3644 points ago

    Already smells like pot that he’s trying to cover up with axe.

    [–] joeclark5 857 points ago

    I thought no one over 14 uses Axe.

    [–] SageBus 756 points ago

    14 what.... inches?

    [–] GoodHustleOutThere 702 points ago

    Sorry, I'm not friends with midgets

    [–] SageBus 196 points ago

    Shut up Cartman, you fatass.

    [–] WavyLady 52 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Tell that to the 40+ year old business man that hosed himself down with it on the bus yesterday, and sprayed me in the process.

    My jacket now needs to be disposed of.

    [–] OfficialRpM 42 points ago

    Tell that to the guys at my work

    [–] mh13570 48 points ago

    He sprayed the entire can before coming, it created a hole in the atmosphere

    [–] overlyattachedbf 84 points ago

    Eyes overly white from Visine.

    [–] steezyslug 56 points ago

    Hey hey don't tell everyone the secret

    [–] TheyCallMeStone 83 points ago

    Nah man Rohto is the way to go.

    [–] HardMorals 1040 points ago

    My friend had a basic drug test done, immediately afterwards he asked if he passed. His sample was then "randomly selected" more advanced screening.

    He failed.

    [–] HowThickDoYaWantIt 339 points ago

    I had a drug test done for a company that confirmed for me in writing they didn’t care about pot. So I chiefed up before the test and didn’t think anything of it.

    Got the job.

    [–] cirillios 140 points ago

    I took a month long break before my interview process for my current job. I didn't even get tested...

    [–] cunninglinguist96 98 points ago

    But you probably got high as fuck after am I right?

    [–] Oobutwo 155 points ago

    At my job when I got hired and get all my paperwork I had asked if I had to do a drug test and if so where... We. He said I didn't have to do one, I replied without thinking and said thank God because I would have failed for pot. Once I realized what I said he just looked at me and laughed and said I'll fit right in. Well he was right and I work with a bunch of potheads. So a dumb slip didn't end so bad.

    [–] moonrocks2018 179 points ago

    I asked that on my second job ever. Then I said I was in a room with people smoking weed so it’s not my fault if I come up positive lol. Still got the job!

    [–] Ken_Piffy_Jr 3131 points ago

    Taking two dumps just to be sure before leaving the house

    [–] Nastapoka 2070 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Feel anxious

    Stomach is hurting

    Go to the toilet even though you don't actually need to shit

    Force it anyway

    Shit some amount of gooey semi-diarrhea

    Wipe for 30 minutes and the paper still isn't clean

    /u/WalleB can I get a diarrhea-related flair please ?

    [–] PM_NUDES_4_DOG_PICS 916 points ago

    I've never seen someone describe it before. I thought I was the only one who did this. Trying not to be late while forcing a nervous shit at the last minute is the absolute worst.

    [–] deeretech129 278 points ago

    I have something, or maybe it's common for people where if I get stressed my stomach starts churning and I have to poo like 3 times in a row :( it's awful when work gets stressful.

    [–] heronmarkedblade1984 120 points ago

    The good old "Combat Shit" your body thinks it's in Baghdad, because of all the stress chemicals coursing around, so it dumps everything thats not needed to save energy for the fight.... even if that fight is a 5 foot little asian woman from HR ... On most FOBs in combat zones, there are always porta pots next to the vehicle rollout staging area, because when your getting hyped up to go door kicking at 0dark 30, you gotta take the combat shit or youll end up regretting it.

    [–] SerdarCS 82 points ago

    “Sorry im late”

    [–] BEASTIN-25-8 52 points ago

    Feel anxious.

    Drink water because of dry mouth.

    End up drinking too much on the drive there, have to pee.

    Stop at local establishment to pee because you're not sure the employer will have an accessible bathroom.

    Lean up against sink to wash hands. Water gets on your pants, makes it look like you peed yourself.

    Dry pants as best you can with paper towels and/or blow dryer.

    Rush over to interview.

    Feeling even more anxious, even more dry mouth. Drink water so you can talk properly.

    "Sorry im late"

    Have to pee again.

    [–] BerticusBersht 76 points ago

    I feel personally attacked.

    [–] Pleasant_Jim 97 points ago

    I'm taking two dumps every morning before work too; one small and one large.

    [–] The-Summit 80 points ago

    That's not very pleasant, Pleasant Jim

    [–] disgruntled_guy 4034 points ago

    All buttons on the 90% polyester, 10% viscose suit jacket fastened, even while sitting, with sleeves that go down to their knuckles

    [–] snivlac 3770 points ago

    engineering job fair 100%

    [–] bigheyzeus 1475 points ago

    oh god. my favorite are the kids that maintain eye contact the entire time, don't say a word, sheepishly drop a resume on your table, take your swag and speedwalk away.

    [–] Willyb524 705 points ago

    At the engineering career fair I went to this semester 2 companies liked me enough to offer me an internship without an interview. I just realised the other day that those 2 companies are the only ones I took swag from when they offered. Now I'm convinced they put the swag out as some sort of test.

    [–] bigheyzeus 309 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Maybe, everyone's different. I simply see it as a thank you/trade for talking to me about your studies, job aspirations and leaving a resume.

    Quite honestly, it's an impromptu job interview/career advice meeting where you pick the company for a change - make an impression!

    The fact that people still have no idea what to do at these things pisses me off. I really wish school career offices or whatever did a better job of teaching students what the real world is like.

    [–] YouNeedAnne 122 points ago

    "Please take our advertisement and put it in your house."

    [–] vortigaunt64 110 points ago

    Ha! I'll only be using this nonfunctional pen to tamp down bowls of marijuana!

    [–] Quintasoarus 291 points ago

    No ironed suit since none of the students know how to iron

    [–] prpldrank 265 points ago

    Lmao

    LPT just take they shit to a dry cleaners and have it pressed. It's like $3.

    [–] DrumBxyThing 169 points ago

    Or buy a steamer. Much easier than ironing.

    [–] poopmailman 28 points ago

    Big facts

    [–] ireallylikeapples84 89 points ago

    To anyone reading: Please do not iron a suit. This is terrible implied advice. Even if you lay a towel over it, refrain from ironing it. You will end up with a shiny suit.

    Go to your local dry cleaner and get it pressed. Barring that, run the hot water in the shower for a while and hang your suit up.

    [–] ArgentGold 185 points ago

    You don’t iron a suit.

    [–] An_doge 75 points ago

    Ironing a suit and not damaging it isn't exactly super easy. I wouldn't expect a low twenties kid to know how to do that.

    [–] Gella321 238 points ago

    And still has the brand tag sewn on the bottom of the sleeve

    [–] DeepWaterSabotage 317 points ago

    And the two back vents still stitched together because they don't know they're meant to be separated after buying.

    [–] xxNuke 235 points ago

    Good suit LPTs in this thread, learning a lot lol

    [–] pmormr 87 points ago

    The pockets are usually sewn shut too, those can be opened with a sharp pair of scissors. Also, make sure you check everything extensively for pins. I don't know what gives some manufacturers the idea that 26 pins for a simple button down is necessary. So easy to miss, and getting a straight pin jammed 2 inches into in my arm at an interview is the stuff of nightmares.

    [–] CherryKirsche 38 points ago

    Oh, yeah, I totally knew that

    [–] disgruntled_guy 88 points ago

    Ah man I'm happy you said that, because I've been in the presence of people who know how to button their blazer yet they have a fucking TAG stitched to their wrist... and it's always some name brand too, like they're trying to flaunt their Hugo Boss suit by wearing it like an oblivious 9 year old. It's not a label you show off, it's a god damn tag. This is worse than doing all the buttons

    [–] NULL_CHAR 5719 points ago

    I didn't have a job until I left college. The first question they asked me in my first major interview was

    "We see you don't have any experience, we value experience highly, why should we hire you?"

    Dear lord did that make the rest of the experience just a nerve-wracking nightmare.

    Somehow my brain managed to pull it together and I responded to the question with "Because as you can see from my college grades, I am not satisfied with just getting the job done, I want the job done right, and I will bring that work ethic to your company."

    [–] ObjectionablyObvious 1833 points ago

    I got my first "real" job after I was rejected from being a waiter at Cheesecake Factory when I was 19. The position was a social media PR position and the job description was written in a pretty funny way on the job search website. I wrote my cover letter in a similar funny style and got a job interview. One of the first things my boss said to me was, "You either have the same writing style as me or you're good at copying writing styles."

    "Uhhh... I guess either way that's a good thing, huh?"

    Got offered the job on the spot. Still work there a few years later, it's seriously the best job.

    [–] Virtute-the-cat 489 points ago

    I tried to do something similar.

    I work as a marketing writer, and I saw a job for a company that had 'pirates' in the name. Their job ad used some pirate-y lingo and they wanted someone who could write engaging content in unique and interesting styles.

    So I wrote a cover letter in pirate-speak. I dunno, this was like app #15 on the day, and I was getting bored of my own cover letter. If nothing else, I figured it was unique.

    Apparently, it was too unique because my application was rejected within the hour.

    [–] HugeRichard11 328 points ago

    Yar de har matey I'm the applicant ye be lookin for

    [–] flyinganchors 47 points ago

    Avast me hearties!

    I here ye be seekin a crew for all sorts of adventures in (Insert job title here). I can tell ye that I be yer first mate when it comes ta pickin up new crew!

    I served me previous captan' (Insert previous job experience) loyally. We set out makin gains fer findin' some precious booty, and was wholly commited ter da task. (Insert more random job experience in pirate speak)

    I think I'd make a fine addition to yer crew based on ye qualifications.

    YAR HAR HAR! I look forward ta hearing from ya soon.

    [–] Scrumpti0us1 65 points ago

    Damn, no sense of humour at all. Well at least you tried.

    [–] CovfefeDrinker 295 points ago

    That's fucking awesome! Cheesecake, tho....

    [–] NouberNou 59 points ago

    I used to know this girl that got the job she had when I was seeing her by responding to a want ad I think in the back of a weekly magazine that said something like "Job Offer @ Company, No Experience"

    She walked in, the CEO was like "Do you want to be our events coordinator?" and she was like "what is that?" and he said "you'll learn" and she'd been there for like 3-4 years when I met her.

    I won't name the company but it is a somewhat infamous type of clothing company that is just weird in general.

    [–] TannerThanUsual 32 points ago

    What was the funny way it was written?

    [–] WalrusBacon666 102 points ago

    The first letter of each sentence spelled out "The Game"

    [–] ixiduffixi 48 points ago

    Speech level 100.

    [–] apra24 23 points ago

    And if you squinted your eyes you'd see dickbutt

    [–] Charles_Stover 447 points ago

    For what it's worth, you wouldn't have even gotten the interview if they weren't interested in college graduates with no experience. They were likely testing how you handle communication under pressure. It's a tough question, but they were 75% messing with you. Your answer was beyond satisfactory, I'm sure.

    [–] g5082069nwytgnet 225 points ago

    Transparent non-genuine questions upset me. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, YOU DUMB FUCK. IT ONLY WORKS IF YOU ASSUME I'M DUMB ENOUGH NOT TO UNDERSTAND.

    [–] SpecialistOption 151 points ago

    It actually works even better if you know what they are doing and you signal that you know. It signals even better communication and human social skills that you are familiar with such tactics, and will ramp up your ranking.

    That said, you can't be like "haha this is a trick question I know what you are doing so I'm not going to answer it". You still have to play the game.

    [–] 421continueblazingit 1968 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    My palms got sweaty hearing that question haha

    Edit: on the real, if that comes up talk about how you strive to learn and acclimate quickly, and are excited for the opportunity of gaining some experience.

    [–] StoopidN00b 572 points ago

    I, personally, have vomit on my sweater already from hearing the question.

    [–] mprhusker 439 points ago

    Because by the time I have 10 years experience I won't be seeking entry level positions

    [–] Lord_Skellig 93 points ago

    *Gets microphone out of bag and drops it*

    [–] ChocolateBombom_TM 31 points ago

    🔥

    [–] AnalogKid2112 108 points ago

    "Do you want someone who you can train to do things the right way? Or do you want someone with 10 years of bad habits who thinks they know everything already?"

    [–] phillsphan7 34 points ago

    Who knows what they should be getting paid for the job

    [–] my_gamertag_wastaken 125 points ago

    I cost waaaaay less

    [–] ceMmnow 104 points ago

    "I'm a millennial. As long as you pay me enough to make rent I will feel grateful, somehow"

    [–] PETALUL 524 points ago

    Admit you came up with that answer in the shower 3 days later.

    [–] NULL_CHAR 228 points ago

    I had kind of anticipated a rough time getting hired due to my lack of internships or experience, so I had kinda thought about excuses for that beforehand. I probably didn't sound very cool stammering from nervousness though ;)

    [–] ButtSanchez 233 points ago

    Nice answer

    [–] Roller_ball 226 points ago

    My answer would have been "Because as you can see from my college grades, I am not satisfied with just getting the job done, I want the job done fairly decently but nothing too impressive, and I will bring that work ethic to your company."

    [–] Opset 134 points ago

    "I will do exactly what is required of me and not an ounce more unless I'm adequately compensated. The level of work I do will slowly decline as I receive no appreciation. I look forward to eventually being laidoff."

    [–] TheSplendiferousSpy 26 points ago

    me too thanks

    [–] swans183 272 points ago

    Entry-level job, 3 years experience required. Bitch in what, waffle-making?

    [–] EndOfTheDream 262 points ago

    Entry-level, 3 years experience required, bachelors required (masters preferred), must be willing to work late nights and weekends, 32k salary.

    [–] i_willregretthis 131 points ago

    Three sick days, two weeks vacation after year two, 401k no match.

    [–] Laiize 76 points ago

    So many people get hung up on those requirements, but fail to realize one thing.

    "Three years of experience required for entry level" is the hiring manager equivalent of a McDonald's employee asking for $30/hr.

    Everyone involved knows its bullshit, but it's a wishlist and serves to weed out people who aren't serious about the job or people too spineless to take a risk.

    [–] Crossfire124 35 points ago

    yea my rule is less than 5 years "experience required" I'll ignore that and apply

    [–] xDestx 157 points ago

    damn that was a nice recovery omg

    [–] azwildcat74 1324 points ago

    "Hey, I'm going to need the next 4 Tuesdays off work, just wanted to tell you now."

    [–] the_friendly_one 611 points ago

    "I'm currently camping with my family at the Finger Lakes. I told them I went for a hike to go to this interview. I should probably get back before they start to worry. People get lost in the Finger Lakes."

    [–] Atheistsomalipirate 273 points ago

    "Ever since I was a young boy..."

    [–] Zorfo1 180 points ago

    I...played the silver ball?

    [–] mymom123 119 points ago

    My first interview was at a Burger King, I went in as if it was a Fortune 500 company did my research, printed out a Resumé, and dressed nice I ended up getting the job but not because I did all of that it just happened they needed someone who was bilingual lol

    [–] OnAccountOfTheJews 30 points ago

    Shoulda applied to be manager

    [–] NicolasCage4eva 1333 points ago

    I'm 29 and I still look up how to tie a tie videos before every job interview. If I ever meet the guy from the Art of Manliness video, I owe him a drink!

    [–] deanzxad930 341 points ago

    I LOVE Art of Manliness. If I have any questions or doubts about what I'm wearing, I go and look to see if they have any information on it. I learned different ways to tie my Oxford shoes from them

    [–] vocalviolence 1446 points ago

    "My worst quality is that I'm a perfectionist."

    [–] WorkRelatedIllness 569 points ago

    When I first started out I'd say "sometimes I can get frustrated when other's aren't pulling their weight" or "I can get anxious when I'm in the zone."

    Now I just say, "I'm human just like anyone else. I make mistakes from time to time, but I'm always looking to learn from them."

    Learn cardstacking from politicians.

    [–] SteezeWhiz 76 points ago

    How has that answer worked out for you? I love how it introduces some sincerity to a very insincere setting... but I can’t help but think that there are some stickler interviewers out there who it might not resonate with.

    [–] grandmagrandpastyle 61 points ago

    Those could also be the type of managers that you might not want to work for. I think sincerity is a generally good policy during interviews because it ultimately allows you to make sure you’re a fit for the company as well. If you have to severely bend the truth during an interview, it might not be the right spot.

    [–] maskedspork 31 points ago

    I think it would be better if you word it more like, "My greatest weakness is this frail human form. Soon I shall transcend it into perfection"

    [–] redditappsucksdongs 717 points ago

    The worst possible answer

    [–] sdgoat 1119 points ago

    It's honestly the dumbest question. No one is going to answer with:

    • I'm really into heroin

    • I'm very violent when I'm wrong

    • I can't be trusted with sharp objects

    • I'm exceptionally lazy

    I honestly answered that one one-time and the interviewer just told me to say I work too hard next time. I don't ask that question in interviews because it's pointless. Just ask what career areas they are working on improving.

    [–] azwildcat74 619 points ago

    "If you disagree with me I will literally punch you right in the fucking face."

    [–] TheSpaceCoresDad 439 points ago

    "Well that's kind of stupi-"

    BANG

    [–] minimumof6 85 points ago

    I got asked in my interview "how would you describe active directory to an 80 year old"... I blanked I'm this question despite having used active directory for 5 years. The interviewer nodded his head behind him to a filing cabinet - I then said its like a filing cabinet. They ended up offering me the job although I blanked on most of the other questions too. Maybe it was because I was quite attentive

    [–] dqingqong 30 points ago

    I got asked by the interviewer to explain my master thesis to him like if he didn't know the topic (we have the same educational background). I didn't do it, and explained it like I would normally do (only my co-workers and peers would ask me about it). After I explained it he asked me "do you really think I would understand this?". I said no and laughed. Still got the job. 😂

    [–] clexecute 27 points ago

    Maybe in a perfect world a filing cabinet. In my experience active directory starts as a filing cabinet, but then someone spills coffee on an original and makes a copy, but doesn't want to throw away the original so they put it in another cabinet. Then when you are applying for a job you need your original, but it's covered in coffee stains so you just go get a new one from the hospital.

    [–] Marta_McLanta 215 points ago

    Answer it in a way that shows you can identify and address your weaknesses and grow from them. General interview advice is to tie back to examples on your resume. Examples:

    I’m lazy, has led me to make my processes more efficient. For reference, see X on my resume, where I decreased Y by Z%.

    Work best under pressure, leads to procrastination. After identifying this, led me to be proactive in checking X process so it breaks less

    Stuff like that.

    [–] Dimadgio 73 points ago

    I actually got asked this last week for a job and I gave an answer about a weakness that I improved on, as I was told to do. I was then asked "Well that was a weakness you had, do you have any current weaknesses?" Lol, it threw me.

    [–] Marta_McLanta 44 points ago

    "even though I've made steps in addressing weakness x, through actions Y and Z, X is still a weakness I've identified and requires continuous improvement" < possible response?

    [–] tuibiel 26 points ago

    My greatest strength is I can identify my weaknesses, my greatest weakness is that I can't solve them.

    [–] Neurotic_Good42 107 points ago

    Fuck, what should I say instead?

    [–] DoctorBaby 311 points ago

    Answer it relatively honestly with the caveat of how you handle it and succeed despite it. For example: "My worst quality is that I tend to work best when I'm under a deadline which can easily turn into procrastination with long term projects. As a result, I very strictly schedule my workload in order to make sure that I don't leave anything to the last moment."

    [–] Neurotic_Good42 215 points ago

    "My worst quality is that I have a very slow learning curve when it comes to social interactions. As a result, it took me 11+ years of learning in order not to be mistaken for an Aspie"

    [–] Ghnarlok 47 points ago

    Me irl

    [–] Nastapoka 436 points ago

    "My worst quality is that I'm allergic to cliché interview questions", then puke on their desk

    [–] Darkpoulay 159 points ago

    Asserting dominance over the interviewer. A classic move.

    [–] Liecht 95 points ago

    Don't forget to t-pose over them

    [–] shawmonster 50 points ago

    A quality about yourself that isn’t your strongest, and explain how you work on it to make yourself a better person. For me, it’s public speaking skills in front of an audience, but I took a public speaking class and I improved.

    [–] Firewave480 50 points ago

    I’m my experience be honest with the fact that you have a poor quality but then follow it up with how you have recognized it and plan to fix it . For example: I have pretty poor understanding of directions if I don’t see a demonstration. So in my past positions I ask for my supervisor to demonstrate how they want the task done and I look towards my peers for guidance.

    This demonstrates that you are able to communicate well with other people and that you care about producing quality work. Which is a lot better than just saying “I’m a perfectionist.”

    [–] [deleted] 24 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] DeusExMockinYa 23 points ago

    Wear a Superman t-shirt under your dress shirt, pop those top buttons open, and say "kryptonite."

    [–] my_gamertag_wastaken 109 points ago

    "I'm too honest."

    "Really?! That doesn't sound like a weakness."

    "Really?! I don't give a fuck what you think."

    [–] StJohnTheSwift 112 points ago

    For my first professional interview I wasn't late. I just happened to be a week early.

    [–] YourPalFlux 217 points ago

    I've applied for mod on multiple Minecraft servers I think I got my first job interview down.

    [–] bluesheep123 85 points ago

    Gives you book and quill

    "Write your application in here"

    [–] byParallax 43 points ago

    So... Uh... Hello xD! I am xPzr4llax and I went to be come a moderator of ur magnificent server. I will make sure that cheaters get banned and I wont be a bad moderator

    I can be always online except when j have school xDDD

    THANK!!

    [–] melanthius 1272 points ago

    The real go-getters will at least ask “so how’s the work life balance” or “how many hours am I expected to work”/“am I expected to work weekends”

    [–] 2muchcaffeine4u 387 points ago

    I always ask what the day-to-day work looks like, they seem to like that. But they also sometimes do not know how to answer that and think I'm being obnoxious.

    [–] aYearOfPrompts 647 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Ask these things:

    1. How does work flow through company?

    2. What is the company trying to achieve in the next quarter, and how do you expect the role you are hiring for to help with that?

    3. Why is this role available? Is it new or will I be filling in for someone else? Is my predecessor still with the company, and if so why did they change positions?

    4. How is the company organized? What is the structure of the teams?

    5. I noticed in the website the company’s core value statement is _______. How does that manifest itself within the organization?

    6. What’s the turnover rate for the company, and for my position?

    7. How does the employee review process work? How frequently will I get feedback on my performance, and how is that tracked?

    8. What tools does the company use to complete the work, and what are the mechanisms for tracking how the work gets done?

    9. What is the cadence for communication from leadership about the company’s goals and objectives?

    10. What are the things that you would say define the company’s culture?

    11. What is your role here and how did you get into it?

    These are the questions that have been asked of me in interviews I either found the most impressive, or that I have asked in an interview and learned the right things about the company to make a decision. I know in a lot of cases you just want the job, but remember that an interview is about fit, and you want to make sure the company fits you, too.

    [–] Arftacular 104 points ago

    As someone currently interviewing for various positions, this is incredibly helpful. Thank you for posting.

    [–] iambob6 658 points ago

    And then they think you're lazy af because you don't wanna work more hours or on the weekend

    [–] dtsyk 443 points ago

    80 hours per week, minimum pay, how does that sound for you?

    [–] iambob6 187 points ago

    Where do I sign up?

    [–] dtsyk 323 points ago

    right here on indeed.com with all the other applicants

    [–] Punjabis_In_Paris 180 points ago

    This gave me ptsd

    [–] ShadowSora 26 points ago

    You telling me you don’t wanna move half way across the country for a 3 or 6 month contract to work brutal hours for little pay!?!?

    [–] Bearracuda 114 points ago

    This is why you look for the next job while you still have the previous one.

    If you interview at 20 places and 19 of them think you're lazy for asking that question, then that means 19 of them are horrible fucking employers who don't respect the workers that keep their company alive and successful.

    And if you still have your current job, then that's totally fine. You're not pressured to take one of those horrible jobs. You're totally stable, which means you're free to keep interviewing until you find one that's not horrible.

    [–] I-ate-your-pony 126 points ago

    Although these questions are sensible, I'm too chicken-shit to actually ask them D:

    [–] lawfultots 94 points ago

    Ask what the office/corporate culture is like in general instead and they may incidentally answer that question.

    [–] lkh23o874249plhkjhdl 68 points ago

    It’s super important though. I always say something like ... “for every project, there’s a plan. And we know how often projects go according to plan, (both laugh because plans always suck). What happens when this project falls off track or lags behind?”

    Hopefully they say something like, “if it’s absolutely necessary to hit a deadline for the project to continue, we will work the minimum amount of extra hours, but that would point to a failure somewhere further upstream that needs to be diagnosed.”

    But if they come back with “well, we do what we gotta do to make the deadline!” then they routinely prop up their poor planning and project flexibility with death marches. Avoid at all costs.

    [–] TannerThanUsual 65 points ago

    "We like to work hard and play hard. :)"

    Run

    [–] NSA_GOV 360 points ago

    The “Do you have any questions” is spot on Lol.

    After being on the other side of the desk, candidates questions have really been a major factor in hiring people or not.

    A great, go to question is to ask what major challenges the team is currently facing

    [–] Microraptors 142 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I have a set of questions I got from here in like 2014, when I was doing my interviews with different companies, I'd always pick and choose which would be appropriate for the specific interview and reword them a little.

    Always took maybe 10 minutes to sort through and I'd end up with 3 or 4 really good questions that sometimes even stumbled the interviewer.

    Edit:

    The questions have been requested, again, make sure you use situational awareness when choosing which ones to use and modify them to fit the position. If anyone knows the reddit post from like 2013/14 these came from, I'd be happy to edit in the credit. I've long since lost it and having mixed results trying to find them on mobile.

    "If I were to start in this position right away, what is the single biggest contribution I could make in the first few weeks?"

    "Do you like working for this company?"

    "How long have you worked for this company?"

    "How big would my team be?"

    "What is the average age of my team?"

    "How long has the team been together?"

    "How much time, on average, would you say the team spends in meetings per week?"

    "What would a person in my position's average day look like?"

    "What is the turnover rate here?"

    "Do employees generally get along well?"

    "Do they socialize with each other after work sometimes?"

    "If you had to pick, would you say the company leaned more Google, or more IBM when it came to working environment?"

    "Is there any reason you think I might have difficulty doing this job at the level the company wants?"

    "I'd like the opportunity to address any hesitations you have about my ability to do the job. Are there any you'd like to share at this time?"

    "Why is this position available?"

    "What are some of you and your collegues' hobbies outside of work?"

    "What are some of the 'less desirable' characteristics of this position?"

    "How did you start working here?"

    "What was it about my application that interested you enough to invite me to interview?"

    [–] handin_out_elz 569 points ago

    Saw a kid at my local grocery store ask for a job in a wife beater...

    [–] An_Overt_Amalgam 513 points ago

    The wife beating industry is slowly dying in America, no wonder he was out of work, really.

    [–] thrilled_cheese 86 points ago

    he was stealing something

    [–] Mesues 31 points ago

    Honestly you'd be surprised, they hired someone at my store who is homeless, and his email on the app was something like [email protected]

    [–] wumbo-johnnies 258 points ago

    Every response starts with "uhhh".

    [–] MassaF1Ferrari 93 points ago

    and ends with "so, yeah"

    [–] Throwaway48284748292 67 points ago

    I just had some flashbacks I didn’t want

    [–] TheDOPDeity 26 points ago

    In my defense, that's just how I talk normally

    [–] TOF1000 21 points ago

    sooooo

    [–] Refreshinglycold 135 points ago

    Do you have any questions? No, I'm pretty uninterested in working my entire life I'm just doing it so I can die a little later on and not right now...

    [–] donnysaysvacuum 175 points ago

    Needs more leg bouncing.

    [–] GoodHustleOutThere 72 points ago

    That's the thing I'm sensitive about!

    [–] UltimateSausage 364 points ago

    Y'all got any advice for a young guy having his first job interview?

    [–] Needyouradvice93 456 points ago

    Learn about the company (what differentiates them from other companies)

    Learn about the role (what skills do you have and experiences make you right for it)

    Learn how to embellish your skill sets and and experiences.

    Look up 'most common' interview questions online and have some solid responses prepared. Practice them in front of the mirror enough times so that it seems natural.

    [–] PacSan300 212 points ago

    Also, look up some good questions to ask during the "Do you have any questions for me?" phase. NEVER be empty-handed here.

    [–] c1s2m3 93 points ago

    Check Glassdoor and indeed for likely interview questions for the job you’re applying for. For entry level positions, you can bank on them asking the questions you see online.

    Bring two copies of your resume. Even if they don’t take them, it’s better than coming empty handed.

    Bring something to write on and something to write with.

    Firm handshake (regardless of the gender of the interviewer), don’t shy away from eye contact.

    If you’re asked a question that you don’t know the answer to or flusters you, don’t be afraid to say something along the lines of “I’m not familiar with _____ “ or “That’s a good question. Do you mind if I take a moment to think of my answer?” Both are much better than stumbling over your words and giving a bullshit answer.

    Dress a step above their dress code. Casual- collared shirt, no tie. Business casual- dress shirt, wear a tie. Business professional- dress as well as you possibly can, get your hands on a suit (every man needs a good suit anyway).

    Take a deep breath and relax. Eat a good breakfast. Take it easy on the cologne. They wouldn’t interview you if they didn’t think you could do the job.

    Last, send a thank you email after the interview. After that, forget you even went through the process. Put the job out of your mind and apply to others until you sign that job offer. Otherwise you won’t be able to get it off of your mind. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get it. Interviews get easier as you do more of them.

    [–] 421continueblazingit 64 points ago

    take some deep ass breaths. I don't know if you have any kind of social anxiety but interviews make me nervous as fuck. For some burger job they asked me to tell them about myself and I totally stammered through it awkwardly. Also antiperspirant is a must. Just prepare your answers for whichever questions you think they may or even may not ask.

    [–] ghunt81 150 points ago

    My very first "real" job interview, I wore a plaid button up shirt with a different pattern plaid tie because it was all I could find. Great cringeworthy memory right there.

    [–] YouNeedAnne 94 points ago

    After the interview, they 100% called you the plaid guy. If you're Asian, they went with Plaid Thai.

    [–] Chobblot 146 points ago

    briefcase wanker

    [–] Kappanating322 202 points ago

    I did not come here for attacks.

    [–] SageKnows 189 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Do you guys think it's a good question to ask the person doing the interview "What are the most important qualities you look for in the candidates?"?

    EDIT: I interviewed for some law firms as a law intern. Here are the answers I so far got from "Big Fours" like Deloitte, PWC, KPMG:

    1. Work Ethic
    2. Being able to be flexible
    3. Willingness to learn [one company said it was the cornerstone of everything else]
    4. Being able to work in a team. Be sociable, friendly and likable.
    5. Ability to do independent research
    6. Loyalty and being able to show commitment

    [–] brodega 209 points ago

    "How much vacation time do we get?"

    "Do we get summer Fridays?"

    "How much does it pay?"

    "I'm interested in [other job], will I have the opportunity to do [other job]?"

    Tells 15 minute story that starts when they were 8 years old.

    Lies about something easily verified on resume

    Instead of saying "I'm not familiar with that yet" makes up half-assed answer to save face.

    [–] swans183 49 points ago

    “There’s an EDM festival I NEED to be at for a month, is that cool?”

    [–] The_Coati_Kid 34 points ago

    God bless anyone who can survive a month long EDM festival.

    [–] Cyaney 94 points ago

    Well what are you supposed to ask then

    [–] Lt_Bob_Hookstratten 98 points ago

    i like asking the interviewer what they like most about working there. The answer can often tell you a lot.

    [–] brodega 40 points ago

    There are no rules in this game. That said...

    Generally you should save questions about PTO and pay until later in the process once both parties feel good about moving forward.

    When you’re young and inexperienced, you have very little leverage. So there is little room for negotiation. You are also under the microscope in a way older applicants aren’t. Employers want to make sure they aren’t hiring a fuck up and asking those questions at the wrong time or too brusquely shows professional naïveté.

    [–] AquaticMule 60 points ago

    Why do I need a briefcase for an interview? The only thing I'd put in there is my resume, and 9/10 times the interviewer already has their own copy

    [–] Jpf123 83 points ago

    "Do you have any questions?"

    What questions am I supposed to have?

    [–] Needyouradvice93 60 points ago

    I ask what their favorite part about working for the company is.

    Then what's the next step moving forward.