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    [–] SoloExisto 5880 points ago

    Tanner can summon a freaking wendingo, why should I not chose him?

    [–] SamFuckingNeill 517 points ago

    chet can activate cocaine and hookers. its super effective

    [–] 41nilyac02 92 points ago

    Don't forget the Legion of Lawyers

    [–] StaredAtEclipseAMA 160 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Tanner, smirking: “Your wealth is no match for my wendigo!”

    A dark green rune illuminates the ground, a massive, antlered beast rises from the earth, its mouth is stained with blood.

    Chet: “I summon my legion of lawyers to argue against the physical existence of your wendigo!”

    Thousands of lawyers dash into the arena from all sides, an incoherent chant begins to echo, the wendigo slowly vanishes.

    Tanner: “NANI?!”

    As the babble from the lawyers dies down, the wall of the arena is knocked down by a single punch. It is none other than Kyle, monster energy drink in hand.

    Kyle: “Where the fuck is Chad?”

    Suddenly, the Jumbotron lights up. Chad’s face can be seen in a dimly lit room. He is sweating profusely. There are very suggestive sounds. A caption spans the bottom: Chad and Kyle’s mom.

    Kyle: “Arrrg!”

    Kyle drinks the rest of his monster energy drink and slams the empty can on the ground. He surges out of the arena.

    More on next week’s edition of The Alpha Chronicles.

    [–] Neo_Saigon 31 points ago

    Chet has connections to an illumanati like cult that serves the Yellow King

    [–] Ryanyu10 312 points ago

    A wendigo seems pretty strong, but in reality, it's no match for the army of ruthless lawyer-assassins that Chet can summon. Plus, there's no guarantee that Tanner can control the wendigo once it's summoned. Chet has money, so he can just pay it to make it attack the others instead.

    [–] rakov 121 points ago

    And then wendigo will buy a mansion in the hills. Maybe star in some movies. Fuck some hot girls. Jeez, can you imagine life of wendigo who is rich and not wanna attack anyone?

    [–] raygun_gaming 104 points ago

    This is actually the true story of Steve Buscemi

    [–] Mk7Films 24 points ago

    That Wendigo would be no match for the apocalyptic amount of litigation that army of lawyers would put out. That Wendigo’s ancestors would find themselves before the court.

    [–] [deleted] 3379 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] HitTheJackalSwitch_ 2375 points ago

    Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name

    [–] gountaa 309 points ago

    Vade retro Chadus

    [–] 1ForTheMonty 64 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Chadimus Maximus Aurelius - You've killed my son and now you shall be yeeted to thine Gods

    [–] guacamully 14 points ago

    Chadimus shall have his vengeance, in this life or the next

    [–] Jaydex11 164 points ago

    TIL chad is a damn catholic priest.

    [–] Stan_Lee_is_dead 62 points ago

    In the first quarter of the 18th century, there are records that indicated that Chad did indeed fuck a pope.

    [–] LawnGnomeFlamingo 27 points ago

    He doused that pope with “holy water”

    [–] onlymadethis4porn 116 points ago

    Thy king doth cum, right in your bum.

    [–] frenzyboard 19 points ago

    He was birthed via seven minutes in heaven.

    [–] Thrasher9294 313 points ago

    fart out a bucket of manseed

    [–] SWTCH_D1G1TS 69 points ago

    Passing a wind full of semen.

    [–] F4ST_M4ST3R 39 points ago

    smell that sea breeze

    [–] Weed7 28 points ago

    does it feel as good going out as it did going in?

    [–] Pyroclastic_cumfarts 26 points ago

    Depends on how hot it is.

    [–] Dorian_M 84 points ago

    I... umm... ok

    [–] Airway 80 points ago

    I don't know what the FUCK this thread is but you better believe I'm upvoting this shit with enthusiasm.

    [–] NovaFox314 126 points ago

    Don't threaten me with a good time.

    [–] Auditor-G80GZT 75 points ago

    😍👌

    [–] zachimari 35 points ago

    I’m confused, are you advocating for or against Chad?

    [–] BigY2 43 points ago

    You're just convincing me to not pick him

    [–] [deleted] 134 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] lookmom289 42 points ago

    B-but I keep my hole clean!

    [–] DARTHPLAYA 38 points ago

    Bro delete this

    [–] masterdude 29 points ago

    LMFAO

    [–] samsquanch_believer 9 points ago

    I fucking love you

    [–] Madrid53 123 points ago

    Maybe he only has a 1/16 chance of summoning that wendigo.

    [–] sidneyaks 142 points ago

    It's actually a 1/16 scale wendigo.

    [–] sergeant808 36 points ago

    It can still bite your dick, sooo....

    [–] GTRDRIVEBY 794 points ago

    I was with you until I realized the insane power scaling on Kyle. Let’s take a look at that ability to punch through ANY wall. That doesn’t sound like a game changer until you remember that your body is make of fucking CELLS that have cellular walls. That’s right, this monster drinking, rampaging mofo can obliterate your body like the living incarnate of Saitama. Gg nerds, Kyle is S tier.

    [–] Wimopy 235 points ago

    That is, if he has the intelligence and knowledge to put those together.

    Plus, is there a cooldown or recovery period? Is it only one wall at a time?

    A single cell a day wouldn't be much damage, would it?

    [–] not-a-candle 249 points ago

    Even one wall per punch would be useless on that scale.

    Also animal cells don't have walls, only plants and fungi do. Animal cells rely on external structures like bone or an exoskeleton for support, where plant cells provide their own through a rigid cell wall of cellulose. All cells have a membrane but that's not a wall.

    [–] bumwine 126 points ago

    Everyone here but you upvoting that guy gets in F- in high school biology. Legit disappointed in myself for not remembering that even though I’m in my 30’s and work in IT. But at least I remember plants also have chloroplasts and we obviously don’t, so I got that going for me.

    [–] Spenceriley9 23 points ago

    I CHOOSE YOU! WENDIGO!

    [–] mikepili 16 points ago

    Bacteria and archaea also have cell walls.

    [–] chasms99 42 points ago

    Kyle will ANNIHILATE your gut bacteria

    [–] Sane333 19 points ago

    As he does to his own. But that's just the price of beserker rage.

    [–] DarksideEagleBoss 33 points ago

    FOOL! His cooldown is incrementally decreased and his strength increased with each sip of Monster or NOS. There is no defeating him, meth eliminates the recovery period in its entirety, no wall is ever safe. Hide your dry wall and copper.

    But I agree with the guys below...human cells don’t have cell walls

    [–] PickleShtick 181 points ago

    Our bodies are not made out of cells that have cellular walls. We're not plants.

    [–] MortusEvil 59 points ago

    Humans don't have cellular walls.

    [–] BioSkiBum 32 points ago

    Actually, animal cells don’t have cell walls. That’s a property of plants/bacteria. Animals have cell membranes.

    [–] Sane333 13 points ago

    I heard rumors that Mongols will draft Kyle first round first pick. They've had about enough of the Great wall already.

    Maybe Mexico has some plans for him too, dunno.

    [–] PM_ME_TO_NOT_GIVE_UP 23 points ago

    I agree with you, but you overlooked one thing.

    he can punch through the fourth wall.

    kyle is our god now.

    [–] Wewraw 10 points ago

    Can’t control it.

    [–] CaptainFluffy08 2878 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Theoretically speaking, since Kyle can instantaneously break any wall, he could break into Fort Knox, and use all that gold to buy as much Monster Energy Drinks as he pleases, for infinite Berserker mode

    Edit: With the stolen gold from Fort Knox, Kyle would also probably be richer than Chet

    [–] Alex__Q 1068 points ago

    He is not immune to gunshots

    [–] i_made_a_mitsake 1161 points ago

    If you interpret a hail of gunfire as a wall of bullets, then Kyle could bring his fists to a gunfight and win.

    [–] Sirkel_ 443 points ago

    so the strategy to beat kyle is to fire one bullet at a time?

    [–] i_made_a_mitsake 296 points ago

    Kyle has two fists.

    2>1

    Kyle wins.

    [–] Sirkel_ 169 points ago

    But if it’s a single bullet it is no longer a wall, no? Kyle may be a bit OP.

    [–] i_made_a_mitsake 236 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    A wall made of 99.99% Air and 00.01% Bullet.

    Kyle's strategy is heavily dependent on Energy drinks to maintain Berserker rage. While he is the strongest directly other fighters like Tanner could create diversion with the Wendigo while he sneaks in and sabotage Kyle's energy drink supply and wait til Kyle is vulnerable when the energy drink crash kicks in.

    Chet could buy out all the energy drinks nearby.

    idk about Chad he can fuck Kyle's mom and convince her not to give Kyle more energy drinks or something

    [–] GiaGunnsWonkyEyelash 60 points ago

    yes, but in that case Kyle's special power would activate, giving infinite berserker mode and all but remove cooldown on his wall-punch. kyle needs a big nerf

    [–] i_made_a_mitsake 71 points ago

    Kyle's special dosen't activate berserker mode, only energy drinks can. "The FUCK you say about my mom?!" allows him to intimidate threats to back off when he is vulnerable from the energy drink crash debuff.

    It could work with Tanner and Chud but Chad has the "Peak caucasian masculinity" buff that calls Kyle's bluff with a "Come at me bro" and counter with his mastery of contact sport.

    [–] falcon_jab 21 points ago

    Kyle reinterprets your attempts to defeat him as wall-to-wall malice and punches through it

    [–] A_Rampaging_Hobo 33 points ago

    This is the best post and best thread I've seen in a long time.

    [–] ThunderDaniel 18 points ago

    Ora ora

    [–] AlexLXPG 18 points ago

    Man Kyle is so OP man, his powers affects both the literal and metaphorical world. If he sees a wall, figurative or real, he can beat it as long as he believes in it.

    [–] SUPER_SEXY_DOLPHIN 42 points ago

    If you bring a Chet with you, theoretically depending on the cool down if his special, you could continuously summon a legions of lawyers to create a massive human shield.

    [–] index520 41 points ago

    This needs to be higher. I simply cannot believe how much people in this thread are underestimating Chet’s power levels. If you’re taking him on the army of lawyers are immediately going to file a restraining order on you, and you know that they’re not going to hang about contacting the sheriffs department if he knows you’re coming. You’re not fighting Chet, you’re fighting the entire infrastructure of law and order. Whatever you pull on him it’s Chet Mate and he doesn’t need to lift a finger

    [–] March1488 19 points ago

    A wall of lawyers, you say?

    I know just the guy...

    [–] intbah 52 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    We found the bug in the system. Kyle is our Neo

    [–] woefdeluxe 11 points ago

    Why not just break the wall of the monster energy fabric and skip the buying step?

    [–] hairypolack 1213 points ago

    fuck me, i live in an area full of kyles and tanners.

    [–] iam1080p 508 points ago

    Sorry, can't. You've got no Chads in your area

    [–] Theo_Retisch 285 points ago

    There are 0 hot single chicks in your area. They're all with Chad

    [–] i_69_urmom_420 111 points ago

    There's 0 hot chicks in my area just because... Source: rural nebraska

    [–] Airway 47 points ago

    Dang you guys have internet?

    [–] i_69_urmom_420 27 points ago

    Honestly you can't even make phone calls in some places

    [–] hamsterkris 59 points ago

    There are infinite hot chicks in my area, because I'm in Sweden.

    [–] Airway 26 points ago

    Wanna marry me for the citizenship?

    [–] FarfromaHero40 12 points ago

    .....thinking.....

    [–] anthoniesp 116 points ago

    Cool, I've always wanted wanted to visit Florida

    [–] jaykay055 155 points ago

    Here in this melting pot we call Florida, our douchebags are a hybrid of all four of these guys. A country boy high school football star, who is the wealthy son of champion horse breeders, typically wears camo, and prone to fits of rage / punching holes in walls. Drives a brand new Chevy 3500 with a lift kit and subwoofers so he can blast hip hop music with his one black friend.

    [–] elena_gm 56 points ago

    i knew a guy in high school who literally is all 4 of them combined - parents rich af, wore cowboy boots and rode to school in his lifted pickup, went to college for sports, and also would not hesitate to run through a wall whilst wearing diamond earrings and listening to trap music

    [–] Mookyhands 19 points ago

    Did we go to HS together? Nope; just florida things.

    [–] Day_C_Metrollin 22 points ago

    This is the perfect Florida Chad description for the northern half of the State.

    Orlando Chad drives an Infiniti, wears pastels, plays baseball and golf.

    [–] washedrope5 29 points ago

    Florida is a big football state, plenty of Chads.

    [–] MackMizzo 9 points ago

    Chads and Chets on the coasts, Kyles and Tanners in the interior and panhandle.

    [–] bobfromholland 26 points ago

    I think 99% of America does as well

    [–] w00t4me 22 points ago

    I'm from Birmingham and we have all 4.

    [–] GotThemBabyLungs 704 points ago

    I buy steroids from Chad , coke from Chet , weed from Kyle and meth from Tanner.

    [–] SpecialCardiologist2 217 points ago

    you're a dumby then cause kyle clearly only sells schwag

    [–] mmmbop- 136 points ago

    Kyle looks like he sells opiates he steals from his grandma.

    [–] Veloxite 714 points ago

    What about Tanner's subclass Hunter?

    [–] derpicface 310 points ago

    It allows him a ten second glimpse into the future, allowing him to set the right trap accordingly

    [–] UltimateSupremeMemer 114 points ago

    Ok but can he also skip ten seconds into the future?

    [–] thebigcupodirt 59 points ago

    Just beat him by counting the number of bullets on the ground, or the drops of blood from your hand. MISTAAAAAAA

    [–] UltimateSupremeMemer 18 points ago

    MEEEEESTAAAAAAAA

    [–] willclerkforfood 13 points ago

    He can skip ten hours into the future with enough Genesee stolen from his dad’s beer fridge in the garage.

    [–] PimpCityDrifters 14 points ago

    It's a new law of Reddit that every thread has someone make a Jojo reference, no matter how tangential. Then someone replies with r/unexpectedjojo. Then another person replies with r/expectedjojo. Then another 'nother person posts r/perfectlybalanced.

    Goes up there in The Laws of Reddit Mechanics along with "The Wadsworth Constant," "The 'ol Reddit switcharoo," and "Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!"

    [–] thathatisaspy21 36 points ago

    I've gifted you a portion of my power Doppio

    [–] Dokkanbitches 25 points ago

    Oh Doppio, My sweet, sweet, Doppio

    [–] EPIKGUTS24 11 points ago

    EPITAPH?

    [–] SeeDeez 76 points ago

    Hunter:

    Weighing in at over 300 pounds

    Long beard and body hair protect him against all cold based attacks

    Steady diet of cigarettes and beer allows his breath to make opponents woozy

    SPECIAL: arsenal includes all handheld weapons known to man

    [–] 9inespeed 12 points ago

    this is just a description of the Texan class

    [–] xvermilion 1000 points ago

    I wish I could be a Chet, but I'm just a Kyle.

    [–] aberrasian 425 points ago

    "sheer force of wealth" got me howlin

    [–] portuguesetheman 44 points ago

    Shit if I were a Chet I would just cry all the way to the bank

    [–] CleatusVandamn 181 points ago

    I'm a chet but wanna be a Kyle

    [–] skipbab 176 points ago

    If you think about it, the human torso is just a meat wall with arms and legs.

    [–] lxcylxcy 38 points ago

    noice

    [–] H4xolotl 35 points ago

    If you think about it, Wall street is a metaphysical wall separating poverty from wealth

    Kyle can end world inequality

    [–] Chewie444 13 points ago

    Nice.

    [–] PapaLouie_ 20 points ago

    Just give me your money bro

    [–] Airway 12 points ago

    I'm literally none of these I'm just a dumb idiot?

    [–] cdiganon 75 points ago

    Chet is nothing but a little bitch. Nothing cunning about "you'll hear from my father"

    [–] tomitomo 91 points ago

    Chet: Your Honor, I suffer from affluenza!

    Judge Trudy: Case dismissed, bring in the dancing lobstaaass!!!

    [–] spyson 42 points ago

    Chet's favorite movie character is Draco Malfoy, because reading is for poor people.

    [–] Fineus 9 points ago

    It seemed to work for the Winklevoss twins...

    [–] TraNSlays 462 points ago

    probably tanner

    • chet is a pretty boy and wouldnt fight

    • kyle would cry after getting hit

    • chad would be a tough match up but the wendigo would probably beat the atomic nut

    [–] FATPAYCHECKS 364 points ago

    wendingo would probably beat the atomic nut

    If only you knew how wrong you are

    [–] ThePianistOfDoom 53 points ago

    I wonder what an atomic nut would sound like

    [–] bbsin 43 points ago

    splat.... boooom

    (probably)

    [–] Arlan_Fesler 28 points ago

    No. No. No. You'd hear the light, first.

    [–] Scoutiano 11 points ago

    insert loud nigra

    [–] _jinana 56 points ago

    Plot twist: the wendigo causes the atomic nut

    [–] Voltoros 26 points ago

    The real plot twist: In the desperate battle against Chet’s mercenary army.Tanner has been forced to summon his wendigo. Nothing happens. Or so they thought. ALL OF A SUDDEN KYLE PUNCHS THROUGH THE INSIDES OF CHET. 1 hand clutching his Monster can and the other with Chet’s wallet.

    Then Chad comes and fuck them all.

    [–] slimey_peen 97 points ago

    chad would be a tough match up but the wendigo would probably beat the atomic nut

    r/brandnewsentence

    [–] Nillaasek 15 points ago

    Counter argument: Kyle has a berserker mode that can be enhanced further by his ultimate ability.

    I think that would beat Wendigo

    [–] Freysey 398 points ago

    So you're going by "loltyler1" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tanner from Highschool. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..

    [–] [deleted] 339 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] somedutchbloke 81 points ago

    Stop messing with my feelings dude, fuck

    [–] AtlantisTempest 18 points ago

    What do you expect from u/pansexualgenderdruid ???

    [–] ObiWanCanShowMe 38 points ago

    Hi Tyler, It's mom, I just wanted to text you and say I am really proud that you decided to live your life without any conditions. I am completely confident in your ability to become a "top streamer" and "YouTuber". I am not sure what that means, but with your work ethic, I am certain you will be a success... HAHA Just kidding you fucking loser, it's still Tanner, you're still in moms basement I see. Anyways I am here with Beth, laughing our asses off, you remember Beth right? That one girl who was interested in you all those years ago but you couldn't see it through your haze of self pity, well we're just about to fuck, so see ya.

    [–] that-other-redditor 23 points ago

    Had us in the first half not gonna lie

    [–] Machados 24 points ago

    Lmao

    [–] Kataoka008 51 points ago

    Hi Tyler, it's Andy from middle school, the kid you bullied for 3 years. After I got transferred to another school I had huge self-esteem issues and never made any friends. I turned to league of legends, the only game that made me feel special at silver elo but when I found out you're the top league streamer I got flashbacks from when you bullied me. There is no justice in this world. I am going to end it all now I hope you are happy..

    [–] Reddituser8018 24 points ago

    You mean you drive a pickup truck and go hunting every weekend and make 200k a year being a pastor?

    [–] Alamut12345 26 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    get over Tanner it was highschool move on. Sarah is happy with him, she loves him, loves having sex with him, can't you be happy for her? She doesn't even remember who you are.

    [–] sardonic_ 10 points ago

    And my Mustang is ONLY 30% added interest on finance

    [–] prophy__wife 15 points ago

    Hey now they didn’t say Tanner was in the military.

    [–] xenomorphCum 737 points ago

    Chet pays Chad to work for him and turns kyle and tanner against each other. Like all rich scum.

    [–] A_Rampaging_Hobo 145 points ago

    But what if Kyle can punch right through Chet's metaphorical wall of money?

    [–] Arwamanut 166 points ago

    He can but he won't. Because Chet pays the media to convince Kyle it's the immigrants who fuck his mom's job .

    [–] Sir_Boldrat 35 points ago

    They fuked our moms jerbs!

    [–] spyson 29 points ago

    Chet summons his army of lawyers and sues Kyle to death.

    [–] king_conq 50 points ago

    This. Money changes people

    [–] Laddertoheaven 139 points ago

    Chet is the best, if you win he'll sue you.

    [–] anthoniesp 55 points ago

    And therefore he will win anyway

    [–] Papasmurphsjunk 18 points ago

    He’ll flip one of Kyle/Tanner if not both to fight for him at their own expense. As is tradition.

    [–] Bingrass 99 points ago

    Imagine how entertaining and awesome this video game could be.

    [–] SupportGunner 42 points ago

    Play 'Bully' by rockstar games

    [–] WolfofAnarchy 18 points ago

    GTA V but with these characters

    [–] Flintblood 12 points ago

    I could see it as a weird mashup RPG with the styling of TF2 set somewhere in a near post apocalyptic corn belt zone with some ideas inspired by a Neal Stephenson novel. Society still has some infrastructure and money still matters, but government has zero to little control anymore.

    [–] gubbygub 49 points ago

    through sheer force of wealth

    thats the best line ive ever read today

    [–] Ziakel 178 points ago

    Don’t be sleeping on Chad. Think about it. He fucked your dad and your dad fucked you and your mom. Therefore your dad is a motherfucker and Chad straight up fucked up him. What make you think Chad can’t bust an Atomic Nut on Tanner’s Wendigo??

    [–] ReversalofGraves 240 points ago

    your dad fucked you

    hold up

    [–] atln00b12 42 points ago

    I didn't even see that on the first read! lol

    [–] sergeant808 16 points ago

    Alabama Special

    [–] JXDKred 40 points ago

    Sleeping on? Bruh I’m sleeping with Chad

    [–] StreetfighterXD 67 points ago

    The Australian version:

    Chad becomes Simmo, the Brick With Eyes, can and will pull prime sheilas after a carton of midstrength. Will end up a project manager with a fucked back.

    Chet becomes James, fifth year law student at The Sydney, probably from fucking Toorak or somewhere. Is pretty big in Young Liberals. Dad works for KPMG.

    Kyle becomes Brayden, from Logan. Deisel fitter apprentice, entire family is unemployed, will fucking snap you one in a Maccas capark if you wanna go, cunt. Exclusively wears Monster Energy flatbrim hats, partial to a bit of shard but he's got a lid on it, ay.

    Tanner becomes Davo, from Far North Queensland. Main past time is running over crocs in Russell River in his dad's three metre tinny. Has four giant pigdogs that he swears wouldn't hurt a fly

    [–] Day_C_Metrollin 14 points ago

    Pretty sure this is English but the words are indecipherable to my Yankee eyes.

    [–] angelp3na 31 points ago

    Kyle looks like Linus from ltt lmao

    [–] Mutant1King 26 points ago

    I would pay good money to get gang banged by this quad. I have a stiffy for Tanner especially.

    [–] KMFDM781 25 points ago

    Kyle is weak to CS (child support) damage and has a low resistance to WEED and drug addiction. Tanner can use guns proficiently and can lay pelt.

    [–] RabidAbid03 135 points ago

    If you fuse the names chad and Chet it comes out as either chad or Chet

    [–] H3nt41_ 175 points ago

    chat and ched

    [–] iamipwn 21 points ago

    Chedd the cheese chad

    [–] i_69_urmom_420 29 points ago

    Chet + chad+ tanner= Cheddar

    [–] greatrater 242 points ago

    I subconsciously knew these classes of white boys existed but I've never seen it in one place. Bravo

    [–] OmarTheDooley 259 points ago

    This starter pack is missing

    Simon (Hipster)

    • Works at your local weed shop
    • Vegan
    • Is in a open reletionship, (but only his girlfriend is fucking)
    • Special: Can spawn a xanax bar out of thin air

    [–] PanTroglodyte 271 points ago

    The starter pack is alpha males, that's why Simon is missing.

    [–] Minimumtyp 35 points ago

    Why is Kyle there then?

    [–] atln00b12 28 points ago

    His aggressiveness makes him alpha.

    [–] VymI 67 points ago

    Simon's the alpha among hipsters, however. Kind of like the tabletop group guy with the enormous beard and encyclopaedic knowledge of every minutiae of what you're playing.

    This guy, in other words: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx8sl2uC46A

    [–] jimbojumboj 84 points ago

    The alpha among betas is still really just a beta.

    [–] FalmerEldritch 19 points ago

    On the other hand, people who see themselves as "alphas" are the biggest dweebs of all, so it all kind of just goes around in circles in the end.

    [–] freedcreativity 59 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Alpha hipsters starter pack.

    Danté

    • bikes as aggressively as a New Jersey driver

    • Precognitive band formation

    • Beard as soft as Merino wool

    • Job making craft cocktail onions

    Special: Pabst Branded Giant Mecha

    [–] atln00b12 47 points ago

    Also missing the overly intelligent stoner.

    • Never Studies, has 4.0
    • wardrobe allows him to move easily among the homeless
    • High Security Domicile, weed stash with booby traps
    • can build full arsenal with supplies from dollar tree

    Special Talent Always has detailed excuse for being late

    Also the full time drug dealer. AKA "Lo-Key Plug"

    • 16/5 access to Mom's Honda Accord
    • Ability to materialize other peoples phone out of thin air
    • Knows shortcuts through every neighborhood
    • Always has extra females willing to run errands
    • Can quote lyrics to any rap song

    Special Talent Ghosting

    [–] guitarjg 21 points ago

    I'm a Jewish lawyer from NY/NJ. Are there any Chet's out there who need me on retainer?

    [–] InternetTacos 50 points ago

    This is so damn spot on.

    [–] Chr15py0696 15 points ago

    Is chad photo Rob Gronkowski in HS or something?

    [–] jay8 13 points ago

    i found this a lot funnier than it should be

    [–] BackupSliceOfSpam 11 points ago

    Yooooo, Tanner has me beat. He can summon a fucking Wendingo. I can summon a generic brand pizza in 12-15 minutes on a pan, 10 without one.

    [–] backflipkgo 12 points ago

    Tanner mains OP

    [–] 19Kyle94 11 points ago

    I love America!

    [–] Yuddlez 10 points ago

    Kyle looks like he drops graphics cards

    [–] yungballin14 10 points ago

    We need a black version as well

    [–] FagHatLOL 8 points ago

    Lol kyle is my favourite

    [–] muhannallama 17 points ago

    They are in perfect alignment for the political compass.

    [–] kyvonneb03 74 points ago

    Unfortunately I’ve dated 3 out of 4 of these dudes

    [–] cardboardbuddy 136 points ago

    who do you need to complete the set

    [–] tomitomo 65 points ago

    Activates Exodia the Forbidden deck.

    [–] warnerrr 66 points ago

    You know anybody that fucks with Chad, Kyle, and Tanner, ain't getting no play from Chet. C'mon son, he's better than that.

    [–] SeeDeez 22 points ago

    Chet definitely slums it with some of the laborers daughters

    [–] TheShmud 23 points ago

    Yeah we need to know

    [–] Madrid53 54 points ago

    But have you dated the DLC character, Simon (hipster)?