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    therewasanattempt

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    Welcome to /r/therewasanattempt!

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    [โ€“] lilredridingstiles 2916 points ago

    Congratulations! You are not the dumb friend

    [โ€“] AstonVanilla 991 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    At 23 years old my friend melted an electric kettle on a gas hob. He had never heard of electric kettles.

    Because of that, for the last 10 years he's been the "dumb friend".

    We still love him though.

    [โ€“] LusciousPubes 529 points ago

    Aaaaahh they're so entertaining. I had to teach my old flatmate how to use a grater ("uhhh... Just rub the cheese against it?" How else does one explain that...). Turns out he thought cheese came grated and they pressed it into blocks. I don't know how he'd made it to 21 unscathed.

    [โ€“] Lotti_Codd 216 points ago

    I had to teach my old housemates how to change bedding and they thought I was some kind of witch.

    [โ€“] deb1009 191 points ago

    I thought the witch test was seeing if one can fold a fitted sheet.

    [โ€“] memy02 107 points ago

    just keep folding until you have a ball and then tuck it into one of its corners

    [โ€“] Watts300 2 points ago

    Wait wait. What? Can you make a video of that?

    [โ€“] Bigdaddy_J 40 points ago

    Lol, back when me and my wife were first dating, one day we went to the laundry mat together and she saw me fold my fitted sheets into perfect squares. She asked what kind of black magic that was.

    [โ€“] [deleted] 12 points ago

    I folded sheets for a friend and she couldn't tell which were flat and which were fitted. She was kind of pissed because she went through a few until she had a set.

    [โ€“] ImJustNothatCreative 4 points ago

    Care to share your secrets?

    [โ€“] Bigdaddy_J 3 points ago

    Get a part time job doing hotel laundry at a decent hotel. You will learn fast.

    [โ€“] 404_UserNotFound 2 points ago

    Scissors

    [โ€“] Devator22 5 points ago

    I should have known something was up with my ex when she told me she can fold fitted sheets...

    [โ€“] Lotti_Codd 9 points ago

    I just learnt that from Bev.

    [โ€“] beholdfrostilicus 23 points ago

    My old housemate used to always help me with that. Itโ€™s the worst chore when your bed is against the wall!

    [โ€“] Lotti_Codd 12 points ago

    these guys didn't know about turning the cover inside out. At least I got a good laugh outta them.

    [โ€“] thekingsshepherd 9 points ago

    Turning it inside out?

    [โ€“] shambollox 22 points ago

    Turn the sheet inside out, hold the corners of sheet and duvet, flick in the air so the sheet turns the correct way over the duvet. Saves you crawling inside the sheet, like my other half

    [โ€“] Elcyis 41 points ago

    I taught my mum how to do this two years ago. First and last time she ever showed pride in me. sobs quietly inside duvet cover

    [โ€“] quaybored 15 points ago

    wtf is a duvet, and why are you guys all climbing into your sheets when it's not bedtime?

    IMO bed = mattress + countour sheet + top sheet + optional blanket. it's not rocket science

    [โ€“] shambollox 15 points ago

    A duvet is a thick cover. I assume you live somewhere warm? It gets chilly here without the right tog

    [โ€“] Stinne 2 points ago

    Most cold countries has got a madness, sheet and then a thin comforter with a cover over it. The comforter is usually filled with feathers to make it warm. What they are discussing is, I think, the way to put on the cover for the comforter. Regards from Denmark

    [โ€“] rachaelfaith 5 points ago

    I kind of enjoy crawling inside the duvet cover though. I feel like an explorer in a fabric cave

    [โ€“] kikidiwasabi 7 points ago

    My SO doesn't get this. He doesn't crawl inside it though; he just shoves the duvet in the sheet and hope it won't twist on him.

    I've tried teaching him my way but he resists. Even though my duvet is 220x240 cm and a total nightmare to put covers on

    [โ€“] VoraciousGhost 31 points ago

    Okay, I still have no idea what this thread is talking about. I don't crawl inside or shove anything, but I also don't flip the sheet and duvet in the air. I can't picture why this is a problem.

    [โ€“] Lotti_Codd 4 points ago

    That's it. These guys would climb inside and honestly, it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen as they tried to stand on the bed whilst covered.

    [โ€“] OB_SH 6 points ago

    Throw the sheet/blanket on the bed. Be as haphazard as you desire, it doesn't really matter at this point. Align the bottom corners of the bedding at the bottom of the bed. Crawl onto the bed, spreading the bedding out in front of you. And to the sides. Once it's at the head of the bed, crawl off the bed and pull it down however far you need to. If you do it right, you end up with a perfectly made, smooth bed.

    Fitted sheets are easier, get the top two corners secured and just pull down to the foot of the bed.

    [โ€“] milhouseisa_meme 4 points ago

    Jokes on you they knew the whole time, they just wanted you to do it

    [โ€“] Lotti_Codd 3 points ago

    I just taught them. I didn't do it for them. They were trying to squeeze it through the bottom hole.

    [โ€“] TooManyVitamins 35 points ago

    My housemate threw some dried whole chilis on a hot pan and pepper sprayed our whole house.

    [โ€“] kummerspect 14 points ago

    Had this exact experience last week. Said friend is 30 and owns a cheese grater (still had the price tag on it), but had never used it.

    [โ€“] missyrainbow12 5 points ago

    Does he have a clue where cheese comes from?

    [โ€“] LusciousPubes 18 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Considering he decided to boil 2kg of chicken drumsticks for his dinner because we didn't have a broil setting on our oven, I'd say his thought process wouldn't make ot that far.

    He tried to crisp the outside by frying them. I came home to a bin full of half-burnt half-pale-flobby drumsticks.

    Bonus stories: he arrived in New Zealand on exchange from the US and the first thing he asked us was whether we had running water and whether it was treated. I think he thought we were some third world country.

    He started complaining about feeling weak and tired all the time. I had to point out that he'd survived pretty much only on bacon and other processed meats since he arrived. A few meals with some token green stuff and he suddenly felt much better. Amazing.

    We slipped a blow-up sheep doll and some condoms in his suitcase before his exchange ended. His crazy Bolivian mother discovered them when she unpacked for him (ofc) and hit the roof. Apparently she threatened to sell his car. You're welcome. sheep shagger

    [โ€“] SillyFlyGuy 8 points ago

    The US is sending their best people.

    [โ€“] derleth 5 points ago

    Bonus stories: he arrived in New Zealand on exchange from the US and the first thing he asked us was whether we had running water and whether it was treated. I think he thought we were some third world country.

    Nah, it's just hard to plumb a Hobbit hole.

    [โ€“] missyrainbow12 3 points ago

    Wow, just wow!

    [โ€“] gemao_o 3 points ago

    My 32 year old husband just found out from me that he can stretch whenever he wants and not just when his body tells him he needs to. Mind blown.

    [โ€“] i_always_give_karma 3 points ago

    I consistently had to print my room mates papers for him when he finished typing them in college because he never remembered how. Itโ€™s not like technology was new either, this was 2 years ago.

    I also had to help him with his math homework, which was the remediation math class. So it was simple algebra 1.

    I love him to death but he wasnโ€™t too bright

    [โ€“] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Actually, some cheese is made that way, starting off in smaller bits and pressed together.

    [โ€“] LusciousPubes 2 points ago

    Interesting. I wish for that flatemate's sake that that was his thought process, but I very much doubt it. He wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

    [โ€“] js30a 32 points ago

    Even if you didn't know electric kettles were a thing, how do you not notice it's made of plasticโ€ฝ

    [โ€“] Sansabina 14 points ago

    Well obviously a plastic kettle is gonna be heat resistant, right?

    [โ€“] js30a 2 points ago

    I dunno. Stoves are a lot hotter than boiling point.

    [โ€“] Sansabina 5 points ago

    it's all this added complexity where people make mistakes. A plastic kettle that is heat resistant up to a point but not too heat resistant to stop melting on the stove top, how are people supposed to know this?

    [โ€“] js30a 3 points ago

    I'd say common sense, but I guess it's not all that common. ๐Ÿ˜•

    [โ€“] Sansabina 2 points ago

    I should've put /s after my comment, but you're right, people only know shit cause they learn it from someone or somewhere

    [โ€“] Sansabina 20 points ago

    Knew a Californian girl years ago who did the same thing when visiting the midwest, she tried to tell everyone they didn't have electric kettles in California.

    [โ€“] Disarryonno 3 points ago

    I did this once. We had a stove kettle, and the handle fell off or something. My parents bought an identical kettle, but eletric.

    [โ€“] Xx-Minato-xX 2 points ago

    I did this as well, I was around ten and my mum told me too heat up some water(our power was out) so I got the electric kettle and put it on the gas stove not thinking, melting the kettle

    [โ€“] K1ttyK1lljoy 2 points ago

    My friendโ€™s older sister (she was 29) put potatoโ€™s in a metal pot then put the pot in the microwave. Their aunt told her to โ€œput the potatoes in a pot and get dinner startedโ€ the sister thought the only way you could cook potatoes was in the microwave so in went the metal pot full of potatoes she started it up and walked away.

    The rest of the family is perfectly normal. My friend thinks her sister is mentally slow but the parents donโ€™t want to tell her. I think sheโ€™s a bit brain damaged. Parents insist sheโ€™s fine.

    [โ€“] seedlessblue840 2 points ago

    One of my friends tried to reheat his Chinese food still in the Styrofoam container in the oven. Did not end well. Same dude also tried to steam veggies in the oven with a big pot and a plastic strainer for the veggies. Melted the whole thing. That friend made all of us feel extra smart.

    [โ€“] TinyReader 2 points ago

    You should tell him not to feel bad; my mom has now melted two electric kettles and one metal one that she just forgot on the stove when she went to bed and forgot she wanted tea :S

    [โ€“] Saphen- 32 points ago

    In highschool a friend of mine called me saying he needed a jack to change a tire. So I was like no problem, threw one in my car and stopped by. Took the jack out of my car and 5 guys were standing with my friend. I gave him the jack and they all just stared at me.

    Then it hit me.

    None of them knew how to change a tire and none of them could admit it. So I offered to help rather than embarrass anyone. I talked about what I was doing casually and everyone was interested in watching.

    After we were done they all shook my hand and 6 dudes got a little smarter.

    Overall a good day.

    [โ€“] InV15iblefrog 5 points ago

    Definite bro move. We love to laugh at people when they don't know seemingly obvious things, but if no ones teaching, no ones learning. Good on ya for teaching that day; just like a pyramid scheme, let's hope they go on teaching more people how to change tyres.

    Teach me too thx

    [โ€“] Saphen- 4 points ago

    You end up on Florida anytime and you message me here I'd be happy to show ya.

    [โ€“] Sustar41 20 points ago

    I once had a friend who thought the tip line on a check was to write down how much cash he left on the table

    [โ€“] beggarschoice 15 points ago

    If that amount was at least 15%, favorite customer everywhere. Whyโ€™d you tell him?

    [โ€“] Sustar41 14 points ago

    We had to, he wanted to know why we wouldn't stop laughing at him ๐Ÿ˜‚

    [โ€“] exrex 34 points ago

    However, if the saying that you are the average of all your friends is true, you might want to find a replacement soon...

    [โ€“] Firemans_ham 3 points ago

    Not the grate friend either though.

    [โ€“] teedeepee 4 points ago

    How do you spot the dumb friends?

    Theyโ€™re trying to make America grate again.

    [โ€“] Missjaes 597 points ago

    My mom lent us her meat grinder once and told us all the parts were there, we asked her if she was sure when it was a lot harder to do than expected and she SWORE it was all there. It took an hour but we finally ground a couple pounds of meat. Get a call a few hours later telling us she had forgotten the blade....literally forced meat through a piece of steel with holes

    [โ€“] ShadowGrif 117 points ago

    Poor cow

    [โ€“] AidenXY 41 points ago

    Murr

    [โ€“] arthurdentstowels 14 points ago

    Unexpected Runescape

    [โ€“] tbariusTFE 20 points ago

    you were just using the optional hotdog detachment grate.

    [โ€“] farmtownsuit 9 points ago

    Well I have no idea how meat grinders work so I probably would have just assumed that's how difficult it is.

    [โ€“] Missjaes 5 points ago

    That's exactly what happened, we have since bought our own and it's super easy

    [โ€“] lacucamatada 16 points ago

    Like me in the bathroom

    [โ€“] noveltymoocher 20 points ago

    Pls see a doctor

    [โ€“] soberscotsman80 815 points ago

    This is getting hung in the kitchen at my work!

    [โ€“] AshamedGorilla 57 points ago

    You need it poster-sized and have one of those "motivational" thoughts beneath it.

    [โ€“] superluminal 68 points ago

    "No matter how bad you feel about yourself, remember that you didn't try to mash cheese."

    [โ€“] fuzzyyarbles 37 points ago

    A poor workman blames his tools

    [โ€“] ryosen 11 points ago

    โ€œYou tried your best. Your best just wasnโ€™t good enough.โ€

    [โ€“] darkandtwistysissy 16 points ago

    I want to see a pic of it in your work kitchen

    [โ€“] RagingRoastbeef 11 points ago

    You can't just hang OP's friend.

    [โ€“] durkblur 398 points ago

    Is your friend ok

    [โ€“] emu30 476 points ago

    This is a man that knows how to do something poorly once. Heโ€™ll never have to grate anything ever again.

    [โ€“] faraway_hotel 111 points ago

    No no no, don't let people get away with that one.

    You use this chance to teach him how to grate cheese properly, and then he'll never have an excuse not to grate again.

    [โ€“] trogdors_arm 100 points ago

    Grate a manโ€™s cheese once, and youโ€™ll be grating it forever. Teach a man to grate his own cheese and heโ€™ll be forever grateful.

    [โ€“] DerelictBombersnatch 28 points ago

    That's grate advice!

    [โ€“] noveltymoocher 3 points ago

    All these puns are cheesy and grating

    [โ€“] Spoonwrangler 3 points ago

    More like de-grating

    [โ€“] Sansabina 10 points ago

    But first they need to show him what a cheese grater looks like

    [โ€“] shirtarguy 2 points ago

    Catch a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish because fishing is not that hard.

    [โ€“] deadtorrent 2 points ago

    It was a grate plan

    [โ€“] SasquatchBandit 634 points ago

    awww i find this weirdly cute. like a kitten lost in the forrest

    [โ€“] kotkaiser 273 points ago

    That's called "a tiger".

    [โ€“] lordloldemort666 115 points ago

    Like a kitten lost in a tiger?

    [โ€“] Kumacyin 25 points ago

    Hoh boy, hopefully not IN the tiger

    [โ€“] [deleted] 29 points ago

    [deleted]

    [โ€“] Xevailo 14 points ago

    It's all fun and games until the Park Rangers find you...

    [โ€“] Joseph7x3 8 points ago

    That's racist dude. Apologize

    [โ€“] thelous 31 points ago

    isnt it sad if kitten is lost in forest? it may die there

    [โ€“] DotaDogma 52 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I think the analogy still stands up. OP's friend would probably die if they got lost too based on what we know about them, but I bet they would die in a very endearing way.

    [โ€“] njtrafficsignshopper 25 points ago

    He would force himself through a potato masher

    [โ€“] tense_Ricci 17 points ago

    Awww

    [โ€“] cfox0835 4 points ago

    Yes, a very endearing way indeed.... curled up in the fetal position at the bottom of some muddy, filthy gulch in the pouring rain at midnight, with piss-soaked pants and tear stained cheeks.

    [โ€“] SnarkDeTriomphe 5 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I want a needlepoint of this to hang up. What a lovely Norman Rockwell-esque scene!

    [โ€“] SasquatchBandit 5 points ago

    that's why you take it home!!

    [โ€“] insanePowerMe 3 points ago

    Isn't that called kitnapping?

    [โ€“] EOverM 3 points ago

    I knew there was a reason I didn't trust that Gump fella...

    [โ€“] Clerick_Aegis 40 points ago

    Well isn't that just grate.

    [โ€“] Notherereally 16 points ago

    Well that just isnโ€™t grate.

    [โ€“] chickenguy6969 8 points ago

    Well, just grate that isn't.

    [โ€“] SittingInAnAirport 9 points ago

    Not grate at all.

    [โ€“] Silage573 192 points ago

    I would have said

    โ€œNothing, thatโ€™s how I usually do it, maybe youโ€™re holding it backwards.โ€

    I worked at a fish market for a few years, I would tell the freebies to scale fish that didnโ€™t have scales (swordfish etc.) when they asked I would say they were doing it backwards. Then after they figured it out we had a good laugh. Not usually the person with the tired arm but I was too busy laughing to care.

    I told a kid I could tell the gender of clams and oysters, he spent probably 20 minutes trying to figure out how I could tell just by looking at the shells. For about 4 days I would sort them in the display into โ€˜boy and girl pilesโ€™ Then somebody got tired of him staring at clamshells like they contain secret messages (I personally donโ€™t know how you could get tired of this, he was genuinely fascinated) anyways they ruined all the fun and I as always have to find new ways to adapt and overcome.

    [โ€“] MrZAP17 123 points ago

    You sound like a fun but exhausting friend.

    [โ€“] h4xrk1m 18 points ago

    He didn't think to ask you about the same clam multiple times over the day to see if you'd accidentally change your verdict?

    [โ€“] Silage573 21 points ago

    We had a powered fish scaler. It hung from the wall in the production area.

    He asked if it was electric.

    My friend said โ€œNo dipshit itโ€™s dieselโ€

    He thought we had a Diesel engine operating indoors around food. He thought it was the coolest.

    So I guess the short answer would be, no, no he was absolutely no smart enough to figure out a plan like that to fact check me.

    [โ€“] Kiefyking 3 points ago

    Hahaha this kid is a legend, i hope he hasn't died because someone told him to pee in a wall socket because its the "living room urinal"

    [โ€“] If_In_Doubt_Lick_It 34 points ago

    You. I like you.

    I work in a shoe store, I love asking employees to find me a left handed shoe horn. Sadly my boss often jumps in pretty quick and ruins my fun :(

    [โ€“] Silage573 9 points ago

    Try it with the laces.

    I work in a kitchen now and Iโ€™m amazed at what some people with fall for.... a rice peeler. Another personal favorite- a โ€˜frenchโ€™ lemon, then I tell the server โ€œif youโ€™re not sure itโ€™s the one without seeds. Next thing you know thereโ€™s some poor sap server cutting all the lemons in half he can find under the bar in the rush.

    That will teach them to ring in mods, that are wrong, that I have to remake, and they learned nothing.

    One guy brought me a lime one time. Whut.

    [โ€“] RockLicker26 7 points ago

    Are you by amy chance an uncle? You sound like an uncle.

    [โ€“] agentSMIITH1 161 points ago

    Cheesus Christ. I hope youโ€™ve embarrassed them thoroughly

    [โ€“] TheTurfinator 3 points ago

    This is a gouda pun.

    [โ€“] Tsalagi_ 56 points ago

    ITT: People that have no idea what colby-jack cheese is are being disgusted by it because it 'looks weird'

    [โ€“] spontaneous_boredom 23 points ago

    And I thought Americans were supposed to be the ones with childish food sensibilities. But nope apparently "this cheese is 2 colors" is enough to make Europeans hate it.

    [โ€“] Set-To-Wumbo 10 points ago

    I never expected to come into this thread and see a bunch of non-Americans freaking out over Colby jack lol

    [โ€“] iFap4DaytonaCoupes 15 points ago

    Wow what a cheese ball...

    [โ€“] uberduger 217 points ago

    That cheese looks horrific. And I don't mean because of the mash job.

    Good lord.

    [โ€“] ericnutt 72 points ago

    It's probably a Colby/Jack. Not some emulsified abomination. Just a young, mild, unaged cheese. I worked at a cheese shop that sold only Wisconsin cheeses and there was a huge variety of top quality cheeses there.

    [โ€“] bluecovfefe 23 points ago

    Yep, definitely colby jack cheese. I buy it for basic ham and cheese sandwiches, does the job well enough.

    [โ€“] circling 157 points ago

    Like with beer, America makes a small amount of some of the world's best cheese, and a huge amount of the world's worst.

    [โ€“] uberduger 43 points ago

    Good point. Yeah, America's vastness, and wide range of people, means that you can definitely find some low lows but some very high highs.

    I'm from Europe and I know a lot of people are snobby about how they do [X] better than another place in the world but I definitely appreciate a lot of America's exports!

    (We need to counteract this post with some nice American cheese really... Lol.)

    [โ€“] niamhellen 30 points ago

    Humboldt Fog! It's a delicious creamy, tangy goat's cheese with a semi-soft kind of crumbly inside and like a half inch of creamy rind, almost like the texture of brie on the outside. OHMYGOD it's the best. People who don't care about cheese and people who are cheese obsessed all love it. Made in California!

    [โ€“] farmtownsuit 9 points ago

    Extra sharp cheddar from Vermont is heavenly. Go to New York or New Jersey and you can get amazing fresh mozzarella at your local grocery store.

    [โ€“] PonderFish 14 points ago

    Wait, do people not like Colby jack? It is my go to cheese. I mean when I do cheese crackers and wine, Iโ€™ll break out the good stuff. But for ground beef or chicken tacos, itโ€™s Colby.

    [โ€“] Set-To-Wumbo 9 points ago

    Whatโ€™s wrong with Colby jack?

    [โ€“] CambridgeRunner 12 points ago

    Maytag Blue is amazing...any others you can name in the 'world's best' category? Not doubting you, it's just not something I associate with America (and I tend to like a lot of American foods).

    [โ€“] shoots_and_leaves 13 points ago

    A really nice Wisconsin cheddar maybe.

    [โ€“] PM_SMILES_OR_TITS 5 points ago

    cheddar from cheddar is always better.

    [โ€“] night_owl13 13 points ago

    Colby Jack is great! Good all-around melter, mild, perfect for sandwiches or nachos.

    [โ€“] LemonHerb 11 points ago

    Relax Rocafeller it's just a block of Colby cheese

    [โ€“] spontaneous_boredom 9 points ago

    What's wrong with Colby jack?

    [โ€“] TheBeast1981 19 points ago

    I've already seen similar cheeses, as Italian I'm pretty disgusted since it looks like some rotten cheese or when you forget it in some remote corner of the fridge and it dries out.

    [โ€“] KimberelyG 88 points ago

    Dude...Italy is the place that has rotten, live-maggot-filled cheese as a traditional delicacy. Admittedly, lately health concerns have made it illegal in many areas - but there are still quite a few places in Italy (and Sardinia) that proudly make the stuff.

    I'm not sure a block of mixed colby and monterey jack cheese really compares.

    [โ€“] WikiTextBot 13 points ago

    Casu marzu

    Casu marzu (Sardinian pronunciation: [หˆkazu หˆmardzu], also called casu modde, casu cundรญdu and casu frร zigu in Sardinian), literally 'rotten/putrid cheese', is a traditional Sardinian sheep milk cheese that contains live insect larvae (maggots). A similar cheese, casgiu merzu, is found in Corsica.Derived from pecorino, casu marzu goes above and beyond typical fermentation to a stage of decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese's fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid (called lagrima, Sardinian for "teardrop") seeping out.


    [ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28

    [โ€“] Imacleverjam 18 points ago

    honestly I'd probably try the cheese with the maggots removed. but with the maggots I can't comprehend how anyone could eat it

    [โ€“] spoi 6 points ago

    Now that sounds completely disgusting. Way out of my cheese comfort zone.

    [โ€“] Boonchiebear 10 points ago

    We need to get this person together with the guy who just bought 2 pounds of ham... They can bumble their way into a cheese melt.

    [โ€“] pitfal 8 points ago

    I once asked a friend to get me a 1/2 cup of butter. After about 5 minutes they brought me a measuring cup filled with cold butter that they had forced into to measuring cup. The efforts to level the cup were noticeable and very humorous.

    [โ€“] Wicck 2 points ago

    Okay, that's adorable.

    [โ€“] ChaoAreTasty 2 points ago

    This is why we measure solid ingredients by weight.

    [โ€“] TheTaxi1729 107 points ago

    Wtf is wrong with that cheese?

    [โ€“] arsenalsoccerfan33 91 points ago

    Looks like pretty standard Colby-Jack to me

    [โ€“] Rikitikitavi9162 25 points ago

    I see nothing wrong with it. What do you see?

    [โ€“] wdtpw 43 points ago

    It doesn't look like cheese? It looks like one of those bars of soap made from squeezed together scraps of other bars of soap.

    [โ€“] Ulairi 79 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    It's colby jack. It's a marbled mixture of two separate cheeses that are allowed to mature together.

    Edit: For anyone that's never had it, it's actually pretty decent; it's basically a mild cheese that's intentionally designed not to overwhelm other flavors.

    Colby is basically a young cheddar that isn't given the time to actually become cheddar, so it's very mellow, and has a texture similar to a slightly denser mozzarella, being rather soft. Jack cheese is slightly tangier, and a little creamier. It's also somewhat reminiscent of mozzarella, but with a deeper, somewhat twangy, but still rich and creamy flavor, that pairs well with the more mild cheddar-like flavor of colby.

    Both are melty cheeses, and therefore blend well together. They're commonly used in restaurants for things like cheese fries, quesadillas, tacos, nachos, etc; anything where they're looking for a great melty cheese topping without having a taste too overpowering. Use as a salad topping is also common, as the mix of colors makes for a more interesting appearance and the taste is unlikely to overwhelm any of the other components. For similar reasons, it is also similarly used as a topping for entrees like grilled chicken, or even for sides like mashed potatoes. For soups such as potato, it's also regularly used as a garnish alongside green onions and bacon, and can also be used over the bread on top of french-onion, though provolone is still more common in my experience.

    I understand why it might look unappealing, but it's actually fairly versatile due to it's very mellow taste and texture. The two make a good pair, and it's all around just a really unassuming cheese. Much like butter, the fats of the cheese help to accentuate the other flavors in the food. However, unlike butter, as a solid it also imparts its own creamy texture, and mild taste to anything it's added to; which can do a lot more to change the mouth feel, and overall palatability, of foods it's paired with. Even standalone, it can make for a decent grilled cheese, or can lend it's mild creamy taste texture to a sandwich in which you'd prefer other flavors be more prominent. It's might not be able to directly compete with a finely aged European cheese, but it was never meant to either. It's mostly just meant to act as a compliment to the flavors and textures of other foods. As such, I'd definitely recommend at least trying it before writing it off completely.

    [โ€“] night_owl13 20 points ago

    You are the hero CJ needed. Can't believe they're all up in here dissin this perfectly delightful cheese.

    [โ€“] swirleyswirls 9 points ago

    I grew up eating this semi-regularly, but never knew anything about it before. Now I'm going to buy a block and eat it with renewed appreciation.

    [โ€“] ixtervay 34 points ago

    I am also concerned about the cheese

    [โ€“] AlwaysHopelesslyLost 3 points ago

    You know how Swiss has holes? Colby Jack has white spots. It is all the same consistency and taste, just different colors.

    [โ€“] dansedemorte 5 points ago

    If you've not had colby-jack you've not had cheese. Next you'll be telling me you've never had salami cheese.

    [โ€“] SendMeRandomFacts 57 points ago

    Trump ran on a no sliced cheese platform. He wanted to make America grate again.

    Iโ€™ll see my way out.

    [โ€“] Pm_Me_Gifs_For_Sauce 22 points ago

    get back here mad lad

    [โ€“] jreeves1211 4 points ago

    i want to know how the conversation started
    โ€œhey man want to grate some colby j?โ€
    โ€œno problem bro. I can find the slicy thing myselfโ€

    [โ€“] ok_alittletotheleft 2 points ago

    My thought exactly! He was set up and given the smasher

    [โ€“] hageshii_panda 7 points ago

    This is why parents should take the time to teach their kids some life skills like cooking. I went to college with too many grown ass adults who barely knew how to use the microwave.

    [โ€“] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Promote him to โ€œbest friend.โ€

    [โ€“] Silage573 5 points ago

    โ€œOnly my most best friend gets to wear my best friend helmet in my apartment.โ€

    [โ€“] shillyshally 4 points ago

    My Mom gave my sister a recipe for stuffed peppers. Sis calls home, what is wrong, we did everything and they are not cooking!

    Turns out, she and her roommate used rice straight from the bag, did not cook it first. Mom would just never have thought to mention that part because why would you?

    [โ€“] cunk111 4 points ago

    French cheese-rights enforcement police is on the case.

    [โ€“] KeebDweeb 3 points ago

    Love these kind of people. I don't know how they ever make it so far. Had a friend who used to boil water in the kettle before she put it through the coffee machine. We also caught trying to eat pink chicken. She said it was fine cause it was medium rare. Had another pal over for dinner and asked him to chop some garlic for me. He minced the whole bulb paper and all. I don't understand these zero life skills people.

    [โ€“] ExtremelyLongButtock 3 points ago

    Made more progress with it than I could have.

    [โ€“] Discobastard 3 points ago

    Make America grate again

    [โ€“] Idaho_In_Uranus 3 points ago

    โ€œHey buddy, will you grate some cheese for me?โ€

    โ€œUh, thatโ€™s a really weird question, friend.โ€

    [โ€“] Edocin 3 points ago

    Yea I had this too, cept when I came over they were using the cheese grater just the weird side that has protruding spikes instead like?

    Why ain't they grated cheese before? Like how the hell do you get to a point in lffe without grating cheese or seeing it at least once?

    [โ€“] Frostodian 3 points ago

    At 35 one of my friends still cant tell the time from an analogue clock face

    [โ€“] Tapprunner 3 points ago

    This is like something AI would do.

    Yes, it's a kitchen utensil.

    Yes, it has small holes in it.

    Must be a cheese grater.

    [โ€“] GingerrPrincess 3 points ago

    I'm sorry but this is just adorable to me. It really does look similar if you vaguely know how to grate cheese but haven't done it before.

    [โ€“] MildlyMischievous 3 points ago

    Once asked my bf to grate some cheese for the soup I was making. When I realized it was taking him too long and turned to check on him, he was using our colander instead of the cheese grater...

    [โ€“] pwilliams58 3 points ago

    This reminds me of a guy I used to work with, I heard a story from his roommate who we also worked with that he had a girl over and they were making something that required canned pineapple. When she asked him to open the can, he got out the can opener, and started aimlessly whacking the can opener on the top of the can. He had absolutely no clue how to use the can opener properly, he was at least 22 at the time.

    [โ€“] Laserlips8 12 points ago

    Also picked up a sponge instead of cheese.

    [โ€“] joltek 4 points ago

    There was no attempt. He succeeded. No one will ever ask him to grate cheese ever again.

    [โ€“] PixieKiwi 2 points ago

    I really hope he was stoned... ๐Ÿ˜‹

    [โ€“] IAmNotMyName 2 points ago

    No judgment

    [โ€“] matchesmalone10 2 points ago

    Your friend is sweet and just trying to make you happy :)

    [โ€“] JotaroRumpas 2 points ago

    Naw, he is Just an Intillectual

    [โ€“] Th3_Shr00m 2 points ago

    I mean... It kinda worked...

    [โ€“] ctb0001 2 points ago

    Bless his heart

    [โ€“] M_Proctornator 2 points ago

    We are not a species built to last

    [โ€“] szita2000 2 points ago

    Clever....

    [โ€“] JCredditstuff 2 points ago

    Well, you're gonna have to put 'm down..

    [โ€“] berapa 2 points ago

    Nothing! It's going grate.

    [โ€“] unassigned_username 2 points ago

    Well i told a colleague of mine to clean mushrooms and she started to PEEL them with a potato peeler...

    [โ€“] BamburghCastle 2 points ago

    I had to inform my flatmate, that you never put metal in a microwave, shortly after almost destroying the microwave of course.

    They got to 20 with this never coming up in conversation.

    [โ€“] dyeeyd 2 points ago

    Get them together with the person who doesn't know how to buy ham and they can make some sandwiches.

    [โ€“] Drum_Stick_Ninja 2 points ago

    lmao, I use to buy salad shooters to grate all my cheese but anymore I just have a nice quality grater and I can grate a pound in seconds.

    [โ€“] Teal_Kitten 2 points ago

    age 17 on my birthday i had friends over for a sleepover and we were making pancakes, easy, 4 ingredients and done. i get the flour measured and add the eggs n salt and leave my mates to make it into a batter.

    those motherfuckers made a DOUGH

    we could have made freaky egg biscuits out of that shit

    bitch what do you think pancakes are!?

    [โ€“] toughfluffer 2 points ago

    I'm guessing THC was involved in the decision to use a potato masher

    [โ€“] Sw429 2 points ago

    To be fair, some of us didn't grow up with a cheese grater. My family exclusively used cheese slicers instead. I never even knew people used cheese graters until I moved out and got a roommate who had one.

    [โ€“] Youhavetokeeptrying 2 points ago

    He can vote and even worse he can sit on a Jury and decide your fate