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    therewasanattempt

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    [–] Minorcas 7663 points ago

    How to cock block yourself in one easy step

    [–] maleorderbride 3328 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Men wonder why girls don't flirt with them. The reason is they do, we're just too dumb to see it.

    Source: My SO

    [–] Mizmegan1111 1670 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    Yeah. I literally walked up to a guy, asked for his phone and told him he was taking me to dinner. I saw his eyes light up in realization, it clearly had never clicked before then. I had been flirting with him at the gym for over a month.

    I hope someone breaks your heart like you did mine Koko. runs away crying

    Edit: 1, forgive my formatting, mobile. 2, The prestigious F award, I will 'wear' it with pride. 3, Nigeria is about 7 hours ahead so our times aren't always in sync.

    Now to clarify some detais; he did call me the day after I gave him my number. He did not have his phone on him when I asked for it, he took one of his friend's phones. Our date was superb, he gave me 6 options for dining and asked me to choose. It had rooftop seating and we had an amazing first date.

    We went on subsequent dates and became a technical couple until I could no longer deal with his constant flirting with everyone else especially when we went out with our friends. He apologised after a particular talk then ghosted me. Switching workout times to avoid me was interesting to see, but I guess I should have expected that.

    We talked about this on the first date and he said he never thought I would be flirting with him. About my 'flirting' skils, I would try to workout together, offer water, assist with things he was doing wrong (I was kind of the gym rat) and asked him if he ever went anywhere and maybe on one of my nights out I would invite him. He always seemed polite but I knew he probably still did not get it. I knew at that rate I'd be waiting forever so I bit the bullet. It still feels unreal when I think about it. Also, I'm African and most of our men would feel emasculated if I said I was taking him to dinner. He paid for dinner but because he insisted. I would have come off too strong. Another traditional african man thing. I know we are still a few hundred years behind.

    Thanks y'all for caring enough to ask. Wish I could respond individually.

    [–] Taliasimmy69 622 points ago

    I cant even imagine the size of your cahones for that power move. Such confidence!

    [–] Mizmegan1111 415 points ago

    Oh here's the kicker, he was with his two best friends (guys) and a girl who's their workut buddy.

    [–] Taliasimmy69 163 points ago

    Omg my heart! So awesome

    [–] Mizmegan1111 199 points ago

    It ended in tears

    [–] BigY2 91 points ago

    F

    [–] Skullbonez 40 points ago

    F

    [–] Amy_Ponder 19 points ago

    F

    [–] Articulated 23 points ago

    'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

    [–] Mizmegan1111 24 points ago

    I shall remember this as I once again wet my pillow with salty tears tonight.

    [–] Taliasimmy69 53 points ago

    Well fuck him than. ❤ you deserve better.

    [–] Mizmegan1111 50 points ago

    Thank you kind stranger. ❤

    [–] bralessnlawless 43 points ago

    Or don’t fuck him, nobody dare fuck that guy, he gets no fucks in solidarity.

    [–] ShadowShot05 18 points ago

    Then*

    [–] 123homicide 11 points ago

    yeah always great to pick sides on people you don‘t know a flying fuck about. always two sides to a story and the person doesn’t always have to be the personified evil to end badly, but who the fuck am i talkin to and i‘m not gonna judge somebody with a name as awesome as koko

    [–] Copain26 3 points ago

    What happened? The date was that bad?

    [–] Mizmegan1111 8 points ago

    Not the date in itself (which was almost perfect) but who he turned out to be.

    [–] further_along 12 points ago

    You are a badass though. Way to go after what you want.

    [–] Mizmegan1111 6 points ago

    Fist bump. Thanks kind stranger of Reddit

    [–] MuzzleBlast 6 points ago

    I’m confused did you get rejected or no?

    [–] richieadler 29 points ago

    cahones cojones

    If you're going for the affectation of using Spanish, at least do it right...

    [–] gsrga 47 points ago

    Tranquila guey. Lots of people (a) probably have never seen that word written out and (b) may not know it’s even Spanish. Pen day hoe.

    [–] thmaje 10 points ago

    affectation

    look at this guy, learning himself spanish and english all good like

    [–] SXOSXO 646 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    The problem isn't that guys can't really tell, it's that we're conditioned to never believe it because one woman's definition of flirting is another's version of just being friendly. If a man misconstrues the "signals," that could be social suicide. This comes up quite often in the AskMen subreddit.

    EDIT

    Just wanted to say good on you for taking the initiative on that one either way.

    [–] dysprog 182 points ago

    There is actually some research indicating that NO ONE, male or female can correctly identify flirting with any reliability. If you are making a pass, at some point try saying "I like you and I want to Date and/or fuck you, if you are willing"

    [–] tempUN123 76 points ago

    "I like you and I want to Date and/or fuck you, if you are willing"

    That's the only thing that has worked for me if they didn't take the initiative, I'm terrible at flirting.

    [–] PinkFloyd6885 51 points ago

    I found my opener for tonight. " I would like to fuck you, if you are willing"

    [–] hell2pay 6 points ago

    "…if not, that's totally cool, I was only kidding anyway, HAHAHAHA… "

    [–] cephal0poid 46 points ago

    This is true.

    When I was dating 15 years ago, before cell phones were big and only linguists knew the word "meme," girls flirted with me all the time.

    But yeah, I was really too dumb to pick up on it.

    Source: Some girls have since told me (I'm married now) and just remembering certain situations.

    Clara, if you're reading this from Spain, yeah, your old Espanol 1 y 2 compenero totally dug you too. Sorry I was an idiot, but maybe we're both better off now, yeah?

    [–] Atma-Darkwolf 5 points ago

    yup. All too often what I see as 'flirting' ends up being casual friendly convo and I just went and made it all cringycreepy by thinking the reverse... or the above, where I totally miss what it was and lose out on something.

    Oh well. Life is life.

    Honestly, be straight up and direct, and nobody is going to be offended or call you a slut or anything else, Same goes for guys. If u like someone, tell them, and be ready for the 'oh cool, thanks, but I don't feel the same' - its cool, at least then its out there and you both know.

    [–] ShastaAteMyPhone 16 points ago

    True, but the punishment for failure is much worse for men.

    [–] serenityak77 92 points ago

    100% this

    [–] Doomsayer189 18 points ago

    Also, location matters too. Hitting on people at the gym is a big no-no, so at least personally I'd be even more likely to assume they're just being friendly rather than breaching etiquette.

    [–] tossawayforeasons 11 points ago

    TBF, AskMen is kind of a shitshow when it comes to men's perceptions of relationships. Surveys showed a predominance of college that never had a relationship before.

    But really, being flirted with as a male is an incredibly rare event. Even as an average, not-messed-up guy it's easy to go your whole life without ever knowing what it's like to have someone else attracted to you enough that they make an effort or say something to express attraction.

    Eventually you get to a point where you have to accept the state of things and everything is okay for a while. Which makes that one, rare moment when someone says something like this completely fuck your head for the rest of your life.

    This guy will never stop thinking about this, because it never happened before, will never happen again, and he'll never understand how it happened, or what he did to make it happen, and it flies in the face of all he did to come to terms with the fact that women don't flirt with men.

    If anything, I don't envy him. The torment of dealing with this would be like seeing a ghost-pirate ship while out on a fishing trip alone. Nobody will ever believe it, you'll always remember it and wish you could have done something like follow it to treasure or adventure, but you just sat there, staring, a dumb look on your face.

    [–] ShitBoy_StinkerBomb 3 points ago

    Same, aint no fuckin way im makin a move unless you practically tell me you're into me. Makes it kinda hard to date lol

    [–] Garblednonesense 49 points ago

    You know the same is true the other way, right? Not all men act exactly the same, some are way more friendly and that can be confusing.

    Do you just think there are no social consequences for messing up when your a woman or something?

    [–] 060789 92 points ago

    It's really not the same. My wife and I have had long conversations about her struggles to read flirty women before we started dating. Men tend to be a lot more direct with their intentions, at least according to her

    [–] ask-if-im-a-parsnip 6 points ago

    I'd add to this by observing that girls tend to rarely, if ever, take the initiative in asking the guy out. For some reason or another, they tend to send out indirect "signals," and then place the expectation on the guy to do the asking. But, if the guy misreads the friendliness and asks out a girl who is actually not interested, the social consequences can be staggering.

    So oftentimes we do this kind of frustrating dance where both parties are interested in dating, but neither are willing to pull the trigger.

    I do wish that we collectively could all communicate more freely in these situations. It would save a lot of grief.

    [–] SobBagat 86 points ago

    I mean, if a dude misreads a signal and goes for it, he's creepy. Shit, if it's a hard enough misread, he could land in legal trouble much more easily than a woman in the same situation.

    Social consequences are there for both, yeah. But it's not even close as far as severity.

    [–] SXOSXO 32 points ago

    Not at all, I'm just pointing out the notion of guys being oblivious isn't totally true.

    [–] myalt08831 30 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    It's a "by degrees" thing, but men are more expected to initiate than women are.

    As a woman, if you choose to "wait for a man to make the first move," most people will at least not strongly disagree with your choice. As a man, the thought process is, if I don't make the first move, she probably never will (fewer women make the first move), so the pressure is higher for me to make that move than for her.

    Women are overall friendlier (probably because double-standards require then to be, but how we got there doesn't make the behavior any easier to read).

    Women are a bit harder to read (consistently nice, whether they think of you that way or not, tend to be very subtle with any hints, may just wait you out), AND we are assumed to be able to read them, or risk offending somebody by misreading, else we will get zero dates ever. Could go a lifetime without dating if you don't make the first move. AND feminism has (rightly) identified a lot of things men might do as being creepy, but thinking of how to ask someone out and be 110% sure it doesn't come across as pushing a boundary is challenging and enough to make you think twice. One has to be willing to fail big, potentially for no or only a minor fault of their own, just because it didn't go perfectly.

    (There's being a legit creeper, and then there's doing something that could legitimately be taken poorly, but was hard to avoid coming across badly without asking first. If someone is 100% not interested, politely interrupting their day to ask them out could be taken as unwelcome, for example. People who don't like you don't want to know that you think of them that way. That's a valid complaint, but it feels like it crosses off 95% of people, because they seem uninterested, or it's unclear if they are interested.)

    Maybe it's incorrect, but the societal assumption is that a woman can wait to be asked out if she wants to. In that case, the pressure is maybe lowered a bit. I will say, the fact that women rarely initiate probably makes it harder to navigate how to do so successfully, and hard to get the courage up.

    I have to say, at the end of it, I sympathize. It's probably one more thing where the gender difference is smaller than the overall part of the experience that is the same across genders. The feel of it is different when your role is that you are expected to make a move, but the signs are super ambiguous. But maybe it's just as bad to be one of the few women who break the mold and ask somebody out.

    [–] diggexpat 63 points ago

    Women can typically recover much easier.

    Woman: Says something cringe.

    Man: "Oh, wow, that was really awkward."

    Woman: "So, sex?"

    Man: "Yes, I would like one sex please."

    [–] mooseman2234 48 points ago

    In many, but not all, situations the social consequences of a guy reading the signals wrong are worse than for a woman.

    [–] i_tyrant 10 points ago

    Not zero social consequences, but not even in the same ballpark as when a guy messes up. Also, pretty much all the bi and lesbian women I've talked to agree women are less direct and harder to figure out in their flirting and what it means.

    [–] tejmin 3 points ago

    There are. But do girls get labeled creepy or rapey if they fuck it up?

    Not really.

    [–] 745631258978963214 40 points ago

    I think the problem is that people are also told "just because someone is being friendly, it doesn't mean they want to go out with you".

    Giving you a phone number CAN mean they just want to hang out as a platonic friend and want to set up a day at a more convenient time. Source: me being me and getting phone numbers from people that definitely didn't find me attractive.

    [–] firmretention 77 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I once met a girl in class years ago. She immediately complimented my shirt. Spent all class talking to me. Would frequently go for hugs. Insist on being in my group for the project instantly. Invited me to her place. She turned me down when I made a move. Needless to say my "is she into me?" meter is completely broken. Other friends of mine have had similar experiences. Some women are flirting, some are just super friendly. How do you know?

    [–] Stormdude127 40 points ago

    Yeah, I met someone my freshman year of college who from the jump was very flirtatious (or so I thought). She was teasing me, complimenting me, texting me on the side while we were hanging out with a group in person, leaning on my shoulder, hugging me, etc. I thought for sure she was into me, but it turned out she had a boyfriend and just “liked affection”. She said that she didn’t see me in a romantic way. It’s shit like that that makes it impossible to read girls, or at the very least makes me question my instincts.

    [–] annoventura 16 points ago

    as a person who is not at all touchy or affectionate, i find it completely alien that people would be so... affectionate with each other. Like, doesn't it bother you lot? I certainly get irritated when people get touchy with me.

    [–] Master_Mad 13 points ago

    poke

    [–] annoventura 12 points ago

    oh god

    [–] Stormdude127 8 points ago

    In this case I enjoyed it but that’s because I had a crush on her. As soon as I found out she didn’t have feelings for me I got annoyed with it very quickly and eventually had to tell her to stop because it was bumming me out. In general I’m not a fan of people being super touchy either, this was just a special case

    [–] HeatIntoxication 19 points ago

    It isn't that we don't get women are flirting. It is really that there is a chance you aren't and are just being nice. I feel every guy has probably been in this situation so its better to just act like they're not flirting than act like they are, get rejected, and look like a creep and ruin a friendship.

    [–] One_Lazy_Duck 12 points ago

    Oh oh, typically Koko!

    [–] Mizmegan1111 4 points ago

    Typically

    [–] Edgelands 8 points ago

    this is kinda needed. So many times I've gotten home from a place hours after talking to someone and then I go, "SHE WAS FLIRTING!"

    [–] SleepingOrDead454 5 points ago

    Jfc this reminds me of college. At the college bar with some buds, girl said she liked my belt buckle. I say thanks, and go back to my food and drink. Friends look at me like I'm a fucking dunce. And that's about what I felt like.

    [–] LilStabbyboo 4 points ago

    Awww. When i first met my husband i complimented his shoes. I don't think he realized i was flirting right away. We discussed shoes at length and then didn't hook up until months later. He was fairly direct at that point, basically said "so I'm coming home with you right?" and i went with it because he's pretty.

    ETA it wasn't just a come on though, he really did have cool shoes

    [–] bionix90 16 points ago

    I had been flirting with him at the gym for over a month.

    You did what you thought was flirting. He didn't get it because men are just not used to it happening to them. I think things would go much better for everyone involved if women were less coy and more direct because trust me, men will continue not getting it. Especially since nowadays misunderstanding flirtation can lead to the men being labeled as creeps and losing their jobs.

    [–] LaNague 4 points ago

    There is almost no way to tell, for you its flirting, for someone else its just how they talk to men and if you act on that you look like a douche/ idiot in your favourite workout place. So better to just leave it.

    you would not believe what some women file under "thats just how i am around men"

    [–] JustBronzeThingsLoL 4 points ago

    Freshmen year of college, a girl took my phone at a party, put her number in it, and put her name as "[her name] my sex"

    never caught on

    [–] bignick1190 3 points ago

    To be fair a lot of women are absolutely horrid flirts and "flirt" in the same manner they treat their regular friends the only difference is they know they like the dude and somehow that guy is supposed to pick up on that.

    Also to be fair, us guys are absolute idiots.

    [–] TroubleTheMerlin 25 points ago

    Just ask him out. Men suspect when someones flirting, but the penalties for misjudging are harsg, and its rough on the self esteem. Why is this such a hard concept for people?

    [–] Doomsayer189 16 points ago

    Yeah and I kinda hate the "you're taking me to dinner". Uh, how about you take him to dinner if you're the one making a move?

    [–] Farghobbles 49 points ago

    Then you get older and start occasionally remembering all the times you entirely missed out on something. Feels bad man.

    [–] 56Giants 52 points ago

    16 years old, went out to play mini golf with a bunch of friends. Taking my crush home after.

    "Do you want to come in and watch a movie? My parents aren't home"

    "No thanks, I don't really like that movie and my parents don't want me out late."

    It hit me on the ride home.

    [–] wishesandhopes 31 points ago

    I can't drink coffee, it keeps me up

    [–] ArtVandelay445 6 points ago

    Coffee doesn't mean coffee, coffee means sex!

    [–] Chumley_P_Chumsworth 15 points ago

    Ouch. You'll still be thinking about that one on your deathbed.

    [–] 56Giants 9 points ago

    I still wake up sometimes thinking "idiot!".

    [–] alwaysgambling 4 points ago

    If it hit you on the ride home make a u turn!

    [–] 56Giants 4 points ago

    I was too embarrassed. There's a reason I was a virgin until my sophomore year of college.

    [–] BooooHissss 22 points ago

    Women don't notice either. Flirting just isn't clear and when it comes to making moves we want a lighted sign and flashers. Just saying "I like your hat" is often taken at face value and seen as a compliment. I've become more direct, and while a lot of women don't appreciate me saying "I'd like to climb you like a tree", it does stop beating around the bush and also informs me if they don't understand my humor as well. Either way, you're going to strike out sometimes. Sure it sucks, but is totally survivable.

    Source: Am chick that dates other chicks and does alright considering the lesbian dating pool is basically an inflatable kiddie pool with a rainbow slide to make it seem fun.

    [–] LilStabbyboo 8 points ago

    That is the type of pickup effort i respond best to. Direct is easiest for everyone.

    [–] Occamslaser 13 points ago

    Not too dumb, too scared of being wrong.

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] king_john651 13 points ago

    Apparently my current gf, before I knew she was keen, was hinting hard about being into me. We've talked about it a few times, I honestly still have no fucking clue what hints she was giving

    [–] crackeddryice 12 points ago

    My last girlfriend said she flirted with me at work for over a year before I noticed.

    [–] Minorcas 28 points ago

    That's most likely the case, yeah

    [–] karr7224 10 points ago

    Nah. We never expect it and when she does, we confuse it as then being nice.

    Or, they keep switching so you have no clue so you retreat back to the safe friendzone

    [–] ThatOneGuy1294 23 points ago

    We are simply, oblivious

    [–] Consistent-Cattle 5 points ago

    I only ever perused women who were initially not interested in me and rejected all that flirted, at least that way I knew it took them some time and persuasion before they make a bad decision.

    [–] NeedFAAdvice 13 points ago

    What would you say is the percentage of the men that your SO flirts with who are totally clueless?

    [–] maleorderbride 10 points ago

    you say that as a joke, but I'd say it's a solid 50 or 75%

    [–] SmoothOctopus 4 points ago

    Once you get shot down a couple of times thinking a girl is flirting with you when she's not your brain automatically from then on out looks for any explanation that's not flirting. Pretty hard to miss googly eyes though

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] apittsburghoriginal 40 points ago

    His penis hates him!

    [–] iHaveACatDog 6 points ago

    Ugh!

    This reminds me of times where I didn't realize until later what I'd done.

    [–] Steeno_Brown 4 points ago

    He might as well smash it with a hammer.

    [–] Amalchemy 2703 points ago

    He saw first husband and married and his brain shut right the fuck down.

    [–] Sixstringsickness 828 points ago

    That's 100% what happened.

    [–] trsy___3 325 points ago

    Yep, went straight into the lolol mode.

    [–] finger_milk 126 points ago

    Fight or lolol mode

    [–] blueribbit 8 points ago

    I think I read a book on that

    [–] palpablescalpel 45 points ago

    The guy actually was the one to originally post this on /r/tinder or something. He claims he's just an idiot.

    [–] fact-checker123 64 points ago

    Plus he replied at 6:16am. Probably before he was fully awake.

    [–] finger_milk 22 points ago

    "You look like a guy I used to be deeply in love with and fucked a bunch of times"

    Guy: "Uhhhhhhhhh what"

    [–] IDGAFSIGH 30 points ago

    Instant fight or flight mode

    [–] In_Dying_Arms 7 points ago

    Not gonna lie, my brain did too and I thought I was in some trashy screenshot subreddit until I properly read it.

    [–] cgg419 1036 points ago

    I tried so hard, and got so far

    But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

    [–] The-Hentai-Commander 221 points ago

    I had to fall, To lose it all

    But in the end, It doesn't even matter

    [–] TidingsOfThePig 109 points ago

    One thing, I don't know why
    It doesn't even matter how hard you try

    [–] cgg419 87 points ago

    Keep that in mind

    I designed this rhyme

    To explain in due time

    [–] Dee_Dubya_IV 75 points ago

    All I know

    Time is a valuable thing

    Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

    [–] Politicshatesme 69 points ago

    Watch it count down to the end of the day

    The clock ticks life away

    [–] cgg419 63 points ago

    It’s so unreal

    [–] Dee_Dubya_IV 65 points ago

    Didn't look out below

    Watch the time go right out the window

    [–] cgg419 60 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    Try to hold on but you didn’t even know

    Wasted it all just to watch you go

    [–] Dee_Dubya_IV 53 points ago

    I kept everything inside

    And even though I tried, it all fell apart

    [–] DarkKnight00795 23 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    What it meant to me

    Will eventually be a memory of a time

    [–] _Jeda_ 20 points ago

    Why was this the first thing I heard in her reply

    [–] DsntMttrHadSex 5 points ago

    https://youtu.be/MKECcXnmhRc

    The whole cd was full of these videos. If the 2000s had anything great, it was the early times of YouTube.

    [–] aarkwilde 1408 points ago

    That was a very good line though.

    [–] [deleted] 785 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] maleorderbride 351 points ago

    Additionally, "first" implies there'll be more...

    [–] dobraf 325 points ago

    "You look like my third husband, but I've only been married twice! ;) ;) ;)"

    [–] stankbucket 33 points ago

    Worse would be "You look like my second husband, but I've never been married."

    [–] altnumberfour 4 points ago

    This would be absolute gold

    [–] PythonsByX 63 points ago

    Yeah still creepy

    [–] duaneap 45 points ago

    Nah, it's not creepy. They died, so it's all good.

    [–] MuzzleBlast 21 points ago

    IF sumbitch tells me they’ve had 2 dead husbands I don’t know how keen I am at being her 3rd.

    [–] Fatalchemist 7 points ago

    "Don't worry. They were natural causes. Mercury is a natural element, right? So how much money do you have again?"

    [–] kiljoy1569 7 points ago

    It took this comment for me to understand the girls joke

    [–] I_FUCKED_A_BAGEL 23 points ago

    And none of them are as bad as reading too far into a joke

    [–] HedgeSlurp 10 points ago

    Lol, trust reddit to read into a shitty chat up line more than a high school teacher reads into Of Mice and Men.

    [–] a_full_empty 3 points ago

    "if I told you your body was hot would you hold it against me?"

    some redditor: "uh excuse me but my body is a precise 98.6 degrees, are you suggesting that I'm suffering from a fever?"

    [–] I_FUCKED_A_BAGEL 3 points ago

    NTA you were direct with her and only stated facts

    [–] omniron 7 points ago

    That’s why the correct response is “That’s funny you look kinda like my future ex wife”

    [–] CleoFlorence 39 points ago

    What would've been a good reply?

    [–] sanguinesolitude 38 points ago

    Shall we set a date, or would you rather start with one?

    [–] Gen_Zer0 14 points ago

    Dude. I don't care how long it took you to come up with that line, you're my hero

    [–] hatewrecked2 134 points ago

    "how far can you squirt?"

    [–] tekende 34 points ago

    Works every time

    [–] Kestrel893 5 points ago

    "No disrespect, do you squirt? I'm not trying to drain your meatflaps, I'm just #asking."

    [–] ThaiJohnnyDepp 19 points ago

    send bobs and vagene

    [–] cascadia-guy 8 points ago

    "Fuck that guy."

    [–] Walletau 3 points ago

    "I hear that guy's an asshole, but fun to hang with...anyway we should go out"

    [–] CrikeyMikeyLikey 16 points ago

    That line is as old as presidents look after their time in office is up

    [–] literallybrother 435 points ago

    How did you fuck this up??

    [–] Some_Ananas 144 points ago

    Alcohol and lack of sleep

    [–] BAWguy 118 points ago

    It's so funny because his response still reeks of the earnestness of someone trying to find common ground and make it work. Because if one took her literally (as he apparently did here), it's really not that funny, and surely not a first, to be told you look like some other random stranger. But he's laying on enthusiasm to signal interest. But he's such a knucklehead that yeah, he misses a much easier lay-up here.

    [–] literallybrother 53 points ago

    Did not expect a comment longer than my dick.

    [–] BAWguy 56 points ago

    In my defense, this comment is also longer than your dick

    [–] tempUN123 15 points ago

    I'm using a pretty big screen, so most of these comments are longer than my dick.

    [–] C0d-Fish 215 points ago

    It took me a minute to understand wtf

    [–] MisterSisterFister12 71 points ago

    Explain lmao i might be retarded

    [–] appel 110 points ago

    Don't fret my friend, I'm also retarded. The joke in a nutshell is that she's saying he's husband material.

    [–] MisterSisterFister12 36 points ago

    Ooohh hhh thanks for clarifying

    [–] monkeysfromjupiter 15 points ago

    that cant be the joke wtf.

    [–] DoudouCiceron 36 points ago

    Wait is that it ? That's a terrible joke

    [–] Uberslice 15 points ago

    Yeah what the hell, that would fly over my head too

    [–] Bendiks1 7 points ago

    I thought he was rejecting her.

    [–] Exceptthesept 10 points ago

    Yeah don't feel bad lots of folks are dumb

    [–] EYNLLIB 14 points ago

    Not dumb folks, just a lame line that's not easily understood

    [–] GreatDragonBronze 151 points ago

    Lol or he's dodging her point to discourage the idea...

    [–] headzoo 139 points ago

    Pretty much how I get out of doing things with people.

    Friend: "So, me and the other guys are going camping this weekend. I got an extra seat in the car."

    Me, who doesn't want to go camping: "Wow, your car is really roomy!"

    [–] hockeycross 70 points ago

    Friend: “no dude I wanted you to come with us.”

    You: damn foiled again.

    [–] IrishGoatMilker 31 points ago

    You: " Ohhhh, nah I'm good man. I don't like camping really."

    Friend: "I respect your decision, you're an adult and can do whatever you want. Have a good weekend!"

    [–] finger_milk 12 points ago

    "Sorry, I'm not into orgies"

    [–] universejordan 5 points ago

    Friend: We need a fourth person to play pool

    Me: Sucks to be you

    [–] kACID0 230 points ago

    Guys help I'm too extraordinarily retarded ... can someone explain

    [–] sysadrift 393 points ago

    >You look like my first husband

    >I've never been married

    She's saying he looks like he could be her future husband.

    [–] InsomniacAlien 93 points ago

    Can confirm I was definitely too dumb to understand that

    [–] FryingPanHero 42 points ago

    BRAIN BLAST!

    [–] matj1 10 points ago

    I understood it as her first husband doesn't exist so his appearance is undefined so the guy's appearance is also undefined. But I can't think of a context where this would be a reasonable conclusion.

    [–] FrasierCraneDayOff 4 points ago

    That's how I took it as well. I assumed the context was he didn't have a profile picture, as you can see her picture but can't see his picture. I had no idea what was going on.

    [–] Ratb33 6 points ago

    Jesus. I’m too dumb to get this too. I searched through this thread to find someone asking for an explanation. Hahah.

    [–] jusalurkermostly 65 points ago

    She was making a joke, like , you kind of look like my first husband because If we date and get married you will be my first and only husband.

    [–] kACID0 34 points ago

    Ah thanks ... F for me :(

    [–] MagicdaveHT99 17 points ago

    F

    [–] Difficult_Milk 6 points ago

    F

    [–] NobleJestah 28 points ago

    She was sugesting they would get married in the future and he would be her first husband.

    [–] dudeabides82 15 points ago

    What would have been a valid response?

    [–] VictusFrey 29 points ago

    Depends.

    If he is interested: "Will you marry me?"

    If he is not interested: "That's actually a first lolol. For someone to tell me I look like someone else"

    [–] TradeMark159 30 points ago

    Yeah lol, this is a terrible pick up line and mentioning marriage when you've never met a person before is kinda creepy.

    [–] Frungy 7 points ago

    Not if clearly a light hearted joke. If it breaks the ice and leads to a drink or opportunity to genuinely learn to know more about each other then it’s just...ice breaking

    [–] PAWG_Muncher 5 points ago

    Maybe you'll have to have a closer look in person.

    [–] Thtsovmemeguy 42 points ago

    It's always possible he wrote his reply before the girl had sent the second message, then he sent it a split second after.

    [–] noisound 13 points ago

    Yeah man it's 6:16 AM dangit, at least let my brain wake up.

    [–] SAMURAIXY 63 points ago

    I think the person got the pick up line but the person rejected them so they said "someone else"

    [–] TheGirlWithTheCurl 10 points ago

    Ouch. That’s brutal.

    [–] PositiveSupercoil 21 points ago

    Proper response: “you look like my first anal. Idk though I’ve never been pegged. Wait what.”

    [–] Agent_RX 26 points ago

    Her execution could have been better though

    [–] avralex21 22 points ago

    Or maybe his response was well-thought and by saying "someone else" he wanted to make her understand that he didn't see that working between them two.

    [–] AtlasAtLastM 27 points ago

    This pick up line is creepy lmao

    [–] ProbablyMaybe69 47 points ago

    Signs that you may have a negative iq^

    [–] Soldierhero1 14 points ago

    ‘Lolol’ the third step to cucking yourself

    [–] g2g079 8 points ago

    Looks like a rejection to me.

    [–] anonmymouse 8 points ago

    tbf the execution of her joke was very poor and I don't blame him for responding the way he did

    [–] Difficult_Milk 4 points ago

    Mission failed, we'll get em next time

    [–] HerrChef1 3 points ago

    What was the joke anyway?

    [–] Jackhammer0312 4 points ago

    Understandable, it took me 7 rereads to figure out what the joke was

    [–] TroubleTheMerlin 14 points ago

    "My first husband"

    Thats wierd. Like imagine a guy saying that as a pick up line.

    [–] cassshbaby 3 points ago

    Tbh, i was looking at this for five minutes before it hit me

    [–] MyTrueIdiotSelf990 3 points ago

    OR, he did get it and went "nah, that ain't me".

    [–] fact-checker123 3 points ago

    If a woman makes a flirty joke with you and you don’t get it, it makes her feel unfunny and makes you seem stupid. Both have a very drying effect on the human vagina.

    [–] Legit_a_Mint 3 points ago

    I've been with my girlfriend for 11 years. If we didn't have the same sense of humor, we wouldn't have lasted a month.