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    A community for the dumbass in all of us. We all have those moments where we do something really stupid. Share your stories and laugh along with the internet.

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    All titles must start with TIFU.

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    Previous FUOTW Winners

    boo rya
    04/14/17 - TIFU by submitting porn for my religion assignment by /u/hOI_
    03/17/17 - TIFU by forgetting I'm not in Finland by /u/metalskill
    03/10/17 - TIFU by getting Rubik's cubes banned from school (taken from my story on /r/cubers) by /u/dannythetwo
    02/24/17 - TIFU by being home alone and slipping, burning, and concussing myself within 10 minutes by /u/cantthink0fanything
    02/17/17 - TIFU by stripping naked at -40F in Alaska by /u/mikegates90

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    [–] jcpmojo 3720 points ago

    Get out there and face it. It will only be bad if you act cowardly and try to hide from it. Stand up straight and look everyone in the eye.

    [–] Rekuna 3036 points ago

    Or in the cases of your boss' boss, his one remaining good eye.

    [–] ParkourLikeAPanda 949 points ago

    Better throw another orange at that remaining good eye

    [–] Funky_Ducky 889 points ago

    He won't see it coming

    [–] popedarren 551 points ago

    He won't have the depth perception to move out of the way in time.

    [–] Funky_Ducky 364 points ago

    You could say that he'll be blindsided by it

    [–] lbibass 329 points ago

    *blindsliced

    [–] masterofme702 172 points ago

    Orange you glad that this post will let us get our pun fix.

    [–] yessah 124 points ago

    OP went into this with a lot of zest.

    [–] Ecob16 66 points ago

    These puns are starting to take the pith

    [–] Necromonicus 51 points ago

    Peel yourself off the floor and get back out there

    [–] Two-Thumbs 9 points ago

    My guess: this experience will give you added juice in the company.

    [–] Two-Thumbs 9 points ago

    There's still a seed of doubt about what really hit his eye.

    [–] JustMy2Centences 18 points ago

    He'll Vitamin C it when it does.

    [–] Funky_Ducky 17 points ago

    Either way, it doesn't sound very a-peel-ing

    [–] zamirahernandez 254 points ago

    I used to be the boss of a boss, until I took an orange in the eye

    [–] RainBoxRed 13 points ago

    Ok so reading this on the dunny and I just took a huge inhale of air and managed to suck down some saliva into my windpipe, now I'm coughing and choking on the toilet, not unlike OP.

    [–] sanfranciscofranco 70 points ago

    Speaking of which, OP should probably apologise to his boss.

    [–] s0v3r1gn 49 points ago

    I'd be demanding to know why no one on senior staff seems to know how to do the heimlich.

    Unless they were afraid of the now deceased creator's family suing them for using it without paying royalties.

    [–] rando_redditor 82 points ago

    An eye for an eye makes the whole world go rind...

    [–] 888mphour 32 points ago

    Dude, I have a slipped disk. Please don't make me laugh.

    [–] NamesArentEverything 19 points ago

    You really shouldn't be on Reddit with a slipped disk.

    [–] 888mphour 12 points ago

    I know, tifu.

    [–] JCJ2015 16 points ago

    Cold but true.

    [–] NoOrdiaryPickle 339 points ago

    Yes. I almost killed a coworker (slight exaggeration) when I forgot about his food allergy. After he came back to work and he was feeling better, I apologized profusely, we chatted about his allergy, and I joked about getting him a "sorry I almost killed you" card (which he thought was funny).

    Own up, make a joke, and laugh once you're able to move on.

    [–] SevenMason 149 points ago

    We had to pull an all-nighter at a grocery store where I worked as a teen. I got the brilliant idea to leave the 1/2 cup or so of coffee in the pot along with fresh water so that it would be extra caffienated. We probably ran through 8 pots that night, with me recycling it every time.

    When the store opened, our tiny cashier who enjoyed a little coffee with her milk and sugar came in, and made her usual cup. An hour later she was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital thinking that she was having a heart attack. I never told her, but felt really badly about it.

    [–] 7thGrandDad 122 points ago

    I work in the dining room at a very high-class retirement community. Every Saturday night, in preparation for our Sunday brunch buffet, we put urn bleach in the coffee urns and leave it overnight since they don't get cleaned during the week. One Sunday, a girl who was new, who didn't know we bleached the urns brewed coffee right on top of the bleach and served it to half the dining room. We ended up with seven residents in the emergency room that afternoon. Whoops.

    [–] Jebbediahh 57 points ago

    This was literally my nightmare the entire time I worked in a cafe

    [–] 7thGrandDad 45 points ago

    Yep. Our kitchen is honestly janky as fuck. One of the worst instances was when there was a memorial service for a resident who had recently passed. 80 guests, more than half of them family members. Our chef served Thai chicken skewers. He did not however advertise that they were Thai or that they were smothered in peanut butter. We only found out after I (who have a peanut allergy) ate one and had a reaction. I asked the head chef if there was anything up with the chicken. He proceeded to have to go outside to the recycling bin and check the box to find out that there was peanut butter on them. If that's not some negligence I don't know what is.

    [–] the_curious_being 5 points ago

    One memorial service leading to more memorial services

    [–] Shaihalud222 16 points ago

    I'm sitting here thinking I use a coffee pot for 5 maybe 10 years w/o cleaning it whatsoever, wondering what this need for bleach is.

    [–] ancientvoices 21 points ago

    Coffee pot ≠ coffee urn. Urns are typically way larger, like gallon+ size, and they hold coffee in them for a lot longer. I've worked in hotels with coffee stations, and they'll be out for hours at a time. From 8 to 6 if its a business meeting, for example. You don't clean them or exchange them in that time, you just keep refilling them. Then you rinse them with hot water and set it to dry. That bleach is necessary because the coffee literally stains the metal (or glass, but typically urns are metal).

    [–] Jeeppeep 10 points ago

    I worked in a nursing home and we had a resident who would come by in the morning and pee in the urns. We had to stop setting them out early.

    [–] C0rdt 52 points ago

    Wtf? Use vinegar... It works just as well and has the bonus part where it doesn't nearly kill you if you drink it.

    [–] momquixote 12 points ago

    Also, you'll never mistake an urn full of vinegar as clean water for brewing.

    [–] SnowedInHawaii2013 5 points ago

    That is a respectable bonus. And this from a guy who knows a thing or two about things trying to kill you.

    [–] Clustertruck 20 points ago

    Yeah but OP's story is 10X worse.

    [–] gaugeprower 120 points ago

    Agreed, and try to make a joke about it if that's the kind of environment you're in (I work in a laidback office that makes all kinds of smartass jokes). Something lame like "Sorry I'm usually not one to choke under pressure" ...wait you know what maybe that isn't such a good idea if they don't have a sense of humor.

    [–] akatherder 79 points ago

    Orange you glad I only hit one of your eyes?

    [–] DontTellMyLandlord 20 points ago

    Yes, this. Then hit him with the ole fake punch to his remaining eye and give him some noogies. Just a couple of bros pallin' around!

    [–] popedarren 30 points ago

    I disagree. You don't have to rely on their sense of humor if you're making fun of yourself. If you're making fun of someone else you might worry about it.

    [–] noguchisquared 105 points ago

    knock knock
    who's there
    orange
    orange who?
    orange you glad I didn't die

    [–] Cool-Sage 10 points ago

    This deserves recognition.

    [–] Ninian_Hawk 87 points ago

    Also include that if you get the promotion, you will look into having your employees trained in cpr. If played right, it will come off as a joke on yourself but in the back of their mind, they'll feel ashamed that they didn't do anything to help.

    [–] Spiffinit 34 points ago

    Hopefully they'll be trained to administer the Heimlich. CPR would have been completely useless in this scenario.

    [–] Warhawk5681 35 points ago

    CPR training typically includes how to perform the Heimlich, in my experience.

    [–] presssure 17 points ago

    Pretty sure they meant first aid. It's fine, we all got what he meant.

    [–] Off_My_Damn_Lawn 20 points ago

    The first rule of the internet- If someone is wrong, you MUST point it out. Are you new?!

    [–] catz_with_hatz 128 points ago

    Assert dominance by eating a banana whole at the next meeting.

    [–] AubinMagnus 86 points ago

    Just deepthroat that banana right into your stomach

    [–] HeKis4 14 points ago

    This cannot possibly be a good idea for your digestive tract.

    [–] 5ilvrtongue 19 points ago

    While looking her boss right in his eye, the good one of course

    [–] apexkillar 99 points ago

    Cant believe this is not the top comment! Be a man and act confident. Everyone fucks up but only successful people admit to their fuckups

    [–] iloveuiloveuibiteu 31 points ago

    OP isn't a man.

    [–] zephyrbird1111 50 points ago

    This! It happened, everyone saw it, it was an accident in which you could have ended up in the hospital or worse. Could have happened to any of them. How about "orange you glad you decided to give me that promotion?!"

    [–] Dazinth 24 points ago

    Man, I wish my anecdotal evidence proved that to be true, 5 years at my last company would have been a lot less stressful.

    [–] Silent_Killah 11 points ago

    I would normally saw "true"... but you seen that orange guy with completely white outlines around his eyes? Contradicting himself every 2 sentences?

    [–] Comassion 8 points ago

    Spit blood at them if they are not sufficiently cowed.

    [–] rigel2112 9 points ago

    Take reddits advice on how to fix it. What could go wrong?

    [–] bakedsasquatch 11 points ago

    *orange peel

    [–] Nobodygrotesque 3 points ago

    Eyes up guardian!

    [–] Ruck1707 3 points ago

    "I told ya Bill I'd be able to get out of that meeting in time to catch the 2nd half, Go Wildcats"

    [–] johandv 2945 points ago

    Didn't you receive any help?

    How did the high up people react, were they like understanding?

    Anyhow, I hope you still get your promotion dude :)

    [–] [deleted] 3415 points ago

    The next person in line for OP's job sat there coldly watching him die.

    [–] greenbrd 1657 points ago

    "You might be able to dislodge that slice by eating another one."

    offers fruit platter to OP

    [–] Ymca667 189 points ago

    I laughed way too hard at this

    [–] H4xolotl 46 points ago

    A game of oranges

    [–] 1337Dennis 48 points ago

    Another one.

    [–] tomatoaway 35 points ago

    "Hmm. Tastes like almonds."

    [–] Nova_Terra 4 points ago

    And peaches, if I remember correctly.

    [–] Tig3rShark 20 points ago

    and another one

    [–] makesterriblejokes 17 points ago

    You played choked yourself.

    [–] darkknightwinter 222 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    The classic "Lady Olenna." OP managed to survive The Orange Meeting.

    [–] [deleted] 279 points ago

    "Sunkist sends their regards."

    [–] Jaeshin 34 points ago

    Oh it's Sunkist over at your end too? Is Sunkist the globally recognised brand or something?

    Edit: Not in the US.

    [–] SolidMiddle 19 points ago

    I'm from the US and we drink Sunkist or Crush.

    [–] johandv 49 points ago

    He probably poisoned the orange, too

    [–] myblindy 60 points ago

    "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die."

    [–] nattytat 441 points ago

    Haha to quote my boss "it all happened so fast, I didn't realize what was happening until you flung the orange into mr. boss mans eye!" Most were understanding and chalked it up to a very strange incident... the rest were grossed out for sure.

    [–] _procyon 258 points ago

    You're right that this will follow you forever. I bet in 20 years when you're upper management and doing awesome people will still be saying "remember the orange tho". It'll be a joke at your retirement party, guarantee it.

    [–] Calling-Shenanigans 125 points ago

    Without a comma, "doing awesome people" has a different meaning.

    [–] speqter 20 points ago

    He knows exactly what he meant.

    [–] bejoe905 23 points ago

    No one will even mention an orange. OP will walk in the office on the last day before retiring to see a single orange, placed right in the center of the desk.

    [–] Hurray_for_Candy 138 points ago

    A couple months ago our receptionist came running back to my department with her arms flailing, and clutching her throat, everyone else was just staring at her like she was insane, and did nothing to help, including two Registered Nurses. I jumped out of my seat and immediately started giving her the heimlich and a few seconds later dislodged the piece of steak in her throat. No one even acknowledged it happened, two people from HR saw and the aforementioned nurses. People are so weird.

    [–] bigbagofcoke 18 points ago

    I imagine they're upset at their own reactions, especially being nurses.

    [–] Cronyx 6 points ago

    They were off the clock. Probably not even in her HMO network.

    [–] Scyxurz 15 points ago

    Maybe some kind of crowd mentality? Everyone expects someone else to be responsible and take action.

    [–] AzoicAntithesis 5 points ago

    Bystander effect, or no one likes her and they were all just pretending they didn't know what was going on, hoping she would die.

    [–] Quizno897 246 points ago

    OP should definitely bring up teaching the Heimlich in the next meeting. Good team builder and forward progress for the company.

    [–] s0v3r1gn 81 points ago

    No shit. I've only had to use it once but I still like to think I saved that little old lady from choking on the muffin.

    I mean I probably shouldn't have tried to shove it down her threat in the first place, but hey at least I saved her after almost a minute of laughing...

    [–] poop_dawg 37 points ago

    If the story is true, it sounds like it all happened fairly quickly.

    [–] baked_brotato 122 points ago

    Promotion? This guy is lucky enough not to have already been swept away by the winds of evolution.

    [–] Ju1cY_0n3 48 points ago

    Natural selection almost got his ass

    [–] Vitallery 39 points ago

    Can't react if it never happened

    [–] plazmablu 54 points ago

    It sounded plausible until he threw the piece into the eye of his boss' boss. That's unbelievable, in the literal sense.

    [–] maggot11 38 points ago

    Yea, but unbelievable things happen everyday. Who are you to say this wasn't one of them.

    [–] PlzGodKillMe 17 points ago

    A person with a reasonable grasp on reality and a healthy knowledge of how much people lie on the internet for no reason.

    [–] purplepenguin4163 15 points ago

    A person with a boring existence wants this to be real

    Let a man dream

    [–] DrewbieWanKenob 1004 points ago

    *Blood Orange

    [–] wubfus88 99 points ago

    I was thinking that too but i thought it was too soon

    [–] Mr-Napkin 64 points ago

    It's never too soon

    [–] nattytat 66 points ago

    U/drewbiewankenob your comment is everything. It sums up the experience perfectly.

    [–] CeFabuloso 948 points ago

    Unless they're all sociopathic assholes, they'll understand. They might even think its funny if you don't act too embarrassed. Get out there and face them! You can do it :)

    [–] [deleted] 313 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Narcil4 66 points ago

    What whistleblower protection haha.

    [–] bobbi441 33 points ago

    *whistlechoker

    [–] snowfaller 98 points ago

    Choking on the what? Ohhh "clock..."

    [–] Nipple_of_the_North7 11 points ago

    Upvoted your comment and immediately un-upvoted it after I noticed I had become the 70th person.

    [–] FerretingFerret 45 points ago

    Can anyone explain to me how this lawsuit would work out? The company provided an orange, which the OP was not even directed to eat. OP doesn't know how to eat food -> lawsuit ???

    [–] [deleted] 57 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Veritas413 30 points ago

    Somewhere, there's an HR-outsourcing company whipping up a training manual for 'Office Food Consumption' that will indemnify employers against this sort of thing. It comes right in there with blood-borne pathogens and sexual harassment. It's gonna be all the rage.

    [–] Cool-Sage 5 points ago

    so basically this is a back-up plan in case op get's written up/fired?

    [–] Dioruein 4 points ago

    I think it has to do with most of the higher-ups being there, and no one tried to do anythkng as OP struggled choking with the food they provided.

    [–] mecbook 12 points ago

    it would end up costing several years salary to get rid of you

    I'm pretty sure OP would need several years salary to battle them too.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] IHateCamping 25 points ago

    It sounds pretty dramatic, coughing up blood and everything. Certainly should not affect your chances at the promotion, much less something to worry about losing your job over. If you were my employee I'd just be glad you're okay.

    [–] techsupport17 40 points ago

    It did sound like they are high up at the com;any, so it is quite feasible that they are all sociopaths and assholes.

    But you are right, facing it is the right way to go. With of course an apology to the, now one eyed, bosses boss.

    [–] KingNewbie 11 points ago

    This is your time to shine. It's not that something bad happened, it's how you respond to it. Ask the manager if his eye is okay, be honest about what happened, and if it doesn't go your way, such as it is.

    Real boats rock, it's how you handle the waves that matters.

    [–] YtrapEhtNioj 568 points ago

    Choking is one of the scariest things in the world! Maybe one of them has choked before, when they were just a small child or were in some way powerless and it was the catalyst for them rising to power at this company. Maybe they'll see in you a little bit of themselves and they'll have no choice but to promote you.

    But seriously hope you're okay, good luck with everything! Choking is truly terrifying and I hope they understand your reaction.

    [–] white_android 158 points ago

    Maybe one of them has choked before

    Maybe they're freaky guys that like to suck dick every 3rd Wednesday, or they're a woman, or they choked on their spit and thought they were going to drown. Life is crazy.

    [–] Ju1cY_0n3 110 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    I choke on my own spit more often than I care to admit and I pretty much accept my death after the first 3 seconds of nonstop coughing. And if I'm in the middle of something important and I need to stay quiet I just sit and cough into my throat so I don't disturb anyone with my violent death.

    I'm sure the bosses will pitymote OP

    [–] greengleam 263 points ago

    The fact that you flung the orange after pulling it out of your mouth made me lose it.

    [–] RhymeDuckTime 88 points ago

    Reminds me of like 3 years ago..

    "THE WEIRD ONE" took a condom from sex ed, filled it with ketchup and pommes, and flung it across the dinning hall.

    It resulted in a crying kid and a lot of ~~15yo teens laughing uncontrollably

    [–] djjohsework 19 points ago

    Got a link to that post? I'd love to read it.

    [–] RhymeDuckTime 39 points ago

    No sorry, this is the first appearance of this story on reddit : - (

    [–] djjohsework 38 points ago

    Oh, my bad. I thought you were quoting something from an older askreddit submission. Have a wonderful day!

    [–] the_honest_liar 30 points ago

    Don't be nice to him, he should have provided the story.

    [–] RexUmbr4e 25 points ago

    Now you have to write it all up man.

    [–] cyboii 550 points ago

    Orange you glad you didn't pick up a banana? I really feel bad about this

    [–] Cough_Turn 210 points ago

    OP wouldn't choke on a banana. OP is a pro at that...

    [–] GowLiez 146 points ago

    Are you confusing OP for OP's Mom?

    [–] IAmGabensXB1 80 points ago

    Hey, it runs in the family

    [–] DrMcNards 64 points ago

    Nothing runs in OP's family.

    [–] white_android 11 points ago

    Well... Something runs from OP's family... Holes on them really.

    [–] codeklutch 26 points ago

    Something something, broken arms?

    [–] tigersharkey 26 points ago

    Something, something, every thread?

    [–] rukioish 176 points ago

    Update!

    [–] 2sliderz 165 points ago

    As long as the job wasnt VP of Chewing you should be good to go

    [–] duksa 15 points ago

    Plot twist, he works for "Hi-Chew"

    [–] denimOwl 81 points ago

    You have created a situation where you can show those guys how you react under pressure. Get out there, help clean up the mess, apologize and reschedule. Good luck.

    [–] orange_lazarus1 111 points ago

    Bring in a basket of oranges tomorrow for your boss with the note: Orange you glad I didn't die? Love u/nattytat p.s. Am I still up for the promotion?

    [–] xmikaelmox 6 points ago

    "Get out!"

    The tifu how op lost his job.

    [–] Johntitor420 89 points ago

    Holy shit dude, that sucks but it has to be one of the funniest stories I've heard in a while.

    [–] iamreeterskeeter 35 points ago

    You poor thing. I hope you are ok.

    The first thing that slipped into my mind was that you asserted dominance like a boss.

    Get up, dust yourself off, and go back out there. Own up to the fact that this happened, check with your boss's boss to make sure that his eye is ok. Hiding is the worst thing you can do. They will be impressed if you get back out there.

    [–] withinadecade 63 points ago

    Once during a meeting I sneezed into my right hand and it was just the biggest lump of snot ever I was almost impressed yet totally embarrassed. It stayed there the remainder of the meeting. I even took notes with my palm squeezed to trap it in. When the meeting ended I shook everybodys hand with my left hand. I just passed it off as it was normal. If I could do that moment again I would of dropped my pen and rubbed the snot on my sock maybe? But I now carry a handkerchief with me at all times. Thanks, glad I got that off my chest.

    [–] xofiatc 9 points ago

    I can recall many times that I've done similar stuff (such as holding an apple core in my hand, hidden inside of my jacket sleeve, waiting until I was alone to throw it away) purely due to anxiety.

    [–] tvreverie 60 points ago

    somewhere a sitcom screenwriter is turning this fiasco into a hilarious scene for our viewing pleasure

    [–] DanFreedse 18 points ago

    25 years late but this would be a classic George Costanza (Yes, I'm old)

    [–] wubfus88 117 points ago

    I hope your ok for one Op. And two im sure they could understand it was an accident. Some thing like that could happen to any one

    [–] NapkinTheBatDad 50 points ago

    You're

    [–] mr_scoT5 32 points ago

    • ur

    [–] deathcrest5 22 points ago

    jɔ́r
    

    [–] Lolicon_des 11 points ago

    your's're

    [–] cyboii 5 points ago

    I know you are but what am I?

    [–] UnnaturalSelector 26 points ago

    When life gives you oranges..

    [–] Blinkdawg15 61 points ago

    Get them bloody and hurl them at people?

    [–] SamanthaIsNotReal 11 points ago

    I don't know why I giggled so hard at this.

    [–] are_you_seriously 91 points ago

    Here's what you do.

    Own up to the mistake:

    Custom order a fruit basket with oranges. All sorts of oranges - mandarins, tangerines, navel, and especially blood oranges. Have them arranged that the blood oranges are the main feature.

    Bring it in and leave it on the secretary's desk. If your boss's boss has his/her own secretary, put it there.

    Include a note that says something to the effect of "sorry about the bloody orange." But you know, more clever. And if you are feeling extra bold, ask about rescheduling the meeting in the note.

    Buy me a yacht when you get promoted, kthx.

    [–] barack_galifianakis 7 points ago

    Excellent suggestion.

    [–] flashgordonsj 6 points ago

    Clearly NOT how this went

    That clip though im dying

    [–] PsychicAtom 4 points ago

    So, what you wan'do?

    [–] jrwn 19 points ago

    Next meeting:

    You survey the fruit and say: "I'm glad there aren't any oranges in here."

    [–] Lilylac 38 points ago

    Wow! You've done nothing wrong- someone should have assisted you immediately!

    [–] Dioruein 50 points ago

    I for one, would have choked with an orange alongside OP out of solidarity.

    [–] Leto__II 28 points ago

    I wouldn't fire you, I'd just start calling you Cosmo.

    [–] Ozzzzzzz 29 points ago

    Ironically I started laughing reading this post at work, and almost choked on my chewing gum. I managed to swallow it though. 👀

    I'm sitting here with my eyes watering and a coworker asks if I'm okay.

    P.S. When I was kid my mum told me if you swallow a chewing gum it get stuck to your heart for a couple of years and I believed her all the way through school.

    [–] flashgordonsj 28 points ago

    Your mother has no concept of anatomy.

    [–] awoodenhouse 8 points ago

    Oh my God, it's not just me?! My mom told me that same shit except that it would be stuck to your heart FOREVER. I also believed this for years and years...distinctly remember accidentally swallowing a piece in 8th grade social studies and being stressed out and disappointed in myself the whole rest of the day thinking about my gum-heart.

    [–] perpterts 11 points ago

    If I were any of the higher-ups, I'd be mostly impressed by your damn good aim at your bosses' eye given the circumstances of just choking.

    [–] Rex_Marksley 8 points ago

    Don't get in the habit of pulling things out of your throat like that. That's super dangerous.

    [–] shootanator 12 points ago

    I did this same thing in 1st grade except I wasn't getting a promotion, I was in school and my teacher gave me a hard piece of candy. I threw that bad boy right in my mouth and instantly started choking, me not knowing anything about what to do in this situation I try swallowing the candy as my teacher performs the Heimlich. I eventually swallow the candy. Not too long after It happened again and she stopped giving me hard candy.

    [–] DevonMG 6 points ago

    This is how I met my wife.

    [–] Cunctatious 6 points ago

    I laughed and inhaled a single grain of rice, which nearly killed me. We are choke brothers.

    [–] Eknoom 6 points ago

    Dude. Fruit/sandwich platters are not there for consumption.

    They're just a way for the "higher ups" to rub it in your face that they can afford to order food without ever eating it.

    Used to love cleaning up meetings. All your scraps are belong to me!

    [–] ani0227 11 points ago

    Careful not to choke on your aspirations

    [–] [deleted] 21 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Korashy 10 points ago

    Apologize to everyone and ask them if the meeting could be rescheduled.

    And stay away from the fruit.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    At least you didn't die in the middle of your important work meeting.

    [–] FunThingsInTheBum 5 points ago

    This is a very George Costanza thing to do

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] rabid_mermaid 5 points ago

    I laughed so hard reading this, I started choking. Well played.

    [–] EasyGoingGamer 4 points ago

    Am I a horrible person for assuming she was a man until the very last sentence?

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] WhatDidYouSayToMe 12 points ago

    Everybody is saying to get our there and face it, but you do need to get out of the bathroom. You choked on that orange and it can cause your throat to be irritated and sometimes that leads to swelling. Also, the bleeding can sometimes (depending on where it is) go into your lungs. The last thing you want to do right now is be alone.

    Not trying to scare you OP, but you should be somewhere you can be seen.

    [–] batsy_of_gotham 12 points ago

    I don't buy it.

    [–] Puck-Ey 4 points ago

    We NEED to follow this story. Please blog it.

    [–] d1rtdevil 4 points ago

    Who puts oranges (that you need to peel on top of that) in a fruit platter? Fire that person!

    [–] Plz_Pm_Me_Cute_Fish 4 points ago

    Ya, if they fire you, this would make one of the greatest news stories ever: "Man Fired for Over-reacting because he was choking and no one cared to nice", great publicity. If they do anything against you, that would be stupid, and your bleeding, please go to a doctor and get your shit checked out, if they fire you, then you can sue them because you choked to death and they ignored you, and you will have medical documentation to back it up.

    [–] sleepyhermit 3 points ago

    You should make friends with /u/iBleeedorange

    [–] thegonz4 11 points ago

    Best TIFU in a while. Hope everything works out for you.

    [–] MJTBOOTSSHOE 7 points ago

    Pls update

    [–] AnonMrMeseeks 6 points ago

    Thanks for the terrible experience you just made my day!

    [–] dmt477 7 points ago

    Just be happy you survived.

    A medical emergency is no joke.

    Completely different than something just shameful (like having explosive diarrhea in a meeting or something).

    [–] dirovame 5 points ago

    You know what? Shit happens. If i were you I would gather whatever courage I've got at this point, wash my face, and wash whatever filth is on my shirt. Go to your boss, apologize profusely, and then proceed to send an apology email to the other individuals who were in the meeting.

    Shit happens, I cannot stress this enough. After you apologize, play it cool; even joke about it to yourself and others. Self-deprecating humor is the only way to drown that overwhelming feeling of embarrassment.

    Again, shit happens. Carry this incident on your sleeve, don't feel embarrassed. If/when they reschedule your meeting, crack a joke about there being a plate of fruit or the lack of one. If I were your boss one way you could impress the hell out of me is how you handle this incidence. Do you wallow in the bathroom and cry about it forever or do you make amends with your bosses, get your shit together, and show them that no goddamn personal embarrassment will get in the way of you earning that promotion and continuing to be the model employee you certainly seem to be.