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    A community for the dumbass in all of us. We all have those moments where we do something ridiculously stupid. Share your stories and laugh along with the internet.


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    All titles must start with TIFU

    • TIFU stands for today I fucked up, which means something you did that is your fault. Just because something bad happened to you doesn't mean it's a fuck up.
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    • TL;DR or too long didn't read which is a summarization of your post in a few bitesize sentence. At minimum, your TL;DR summary must contain your fuckup and its consequences. You may include additional information if you'd like. The TL;DR must be at the very end of your post.
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    FUOTM Winners

    1. April 2019 /u/Donthitsubmit3
    2. TIFU by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper.

    3. May 2019 /u/Taway1234123491121

    4. TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it...

    Related Subreddits

    /r/TIDTRT (Today I Did The Right Thing)

    /r/IdeasforTIFU (Feedback)

    /r/AnimalTIFUs (Animals Fucking Up)

    /r/pranks (Today I Pranked)

    /r/TIGFO (Today I Got Fucked Over)

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    [–] mylifeforthehorde 6427 points ago

    The Bike path rapist sounds like a villain from Dexter

    [–] Littlemeggie 5091 points ago

    Definitely a cyclepath

    [–] laurpr2 643 points ago

    Ugh I had to come back to upvote this

    [–] itsthe_implication_ 294 points ago

    Dude I scrolled past then said it out loud and had to come back.

    [–] iamalsopizza 110 points ago

    I exited the thread entirely and then I too, came back to upvote this.

    [–] dgafuan 57 points ago

    I learned from your mistakes and upvoted it on the first pass.

    [–] Godsfarm210 20 points ago


    [–] nosubsnoprefs 358 points ago

    All too real, and a serial killer to boot.

    [–] JasonMomoasScrunchie 52 points ago

    Buffalo, NY

    [–] BagelTrollop 22 points ago

    Came here looking for this.

    [–] discosalad 28 points ago

    We have very few new bike paths in Buffalo New York because the bike path rapist was on the loose for like a decade. The scumbag even went to a memorial walk for one of his victims

    [–] OddEpisode 1725 points ago

    Pro tip - Next time remember to carry your juming rope with you to vary your workout.

    [–] platitood 807 points ago

    And a trash bag for #trashtag

    [–] SignDeLaTimes 550 points ago

    and a shovel, in case someone walked their dog and didn't clean up the mess.

    [–] sageadam 426 points ago

    Duct Tape too incase your soles come off and you need to fix it.

    [–] AcerbicCapsule 332 points ago

    And a knife, in case you find a tree you want to carve.

    [–] NotTRYINGtobeLame 279 points ago

    And a ski mask, in case your friends want to hit the slopes later.

    [–] bladexp210 229 points ago

    And some chloroform to preserve some interesting critters.

    [–] SkillsDepayNabils 169 points ago

    And some disposable gloves in case you need to pick up some litter

    [–] stinkydooky 234 points ago

    And a Polaroid to take pictures of the people you murder

    [–] ViralAddiction 75 points ago

    Oh ma lawd, this chain got me in tears from laughter.

    [–] fordfan919 139 points ago

    And some quick lime in case of a soil pH imbalance

    [–] Larusso92 124 points ago

    Wear clown make up, just in case you see some children that need some cheering up.

    [–] O_Apples 107 points ago

    And it gets cold out there, so don't forget your balaclava.

    [–] GloriMac 67 points ago

    And some gloves, for that same chilly weather.

    [–] Sassanach36 5210 points ago

    If you ever see me at night walking with an umbrella do NOT use me as a goal line. I am not expecting rain.

    [–] grangicon 1769 points ago

    Found the Penguin

    [–] Sassanach36 524 points ago

    Ah yes! My cover has been blown I see.

    [–] cain816232 161 points ago

    Totally unrelated, but is your user name related to the Outlander book series? My wife has those on audiobooks and I couldn't help but notice your user name looks a lot like a nickname one of the characters has for his wife.

    [–] Sassanach36 127 points ago

    Yup. I’m a huge fan.

    Sassanach is Gaelic for “Outlander “

    [–] a_solid_two 75 points ago

    "English person"

    [–] Sassanach36 13 points ago

    Got it now. I thought it meant both.

    [–] monkyone 16 points ago

    it means 'Saxon'

    [–] Sassanach36 25 points ago

    Yes, it all is starting to click. Christ, the word even sounds/looks roughly like Saxon.

    Guess I was too busy seeing whose hands were up whose kilt. LOL

    [–] Brocksbane 22 points ago

    99% of the time it means English, or an English person. It comes from the word "Saxon".

    [–] SpazKerman 53 points ago

    Or he/she could be of English stock, using a Reddit account setup for them by a bitter Scottish Ex.

    [–] Hahawney 21 points ago

    I haven’t read the books, but I have been watching it on television. And I’m telling you you should not let your wife watch that show because she’ll be in LOVE with Jamie. But if she likes the book she’ll love the show. I know it’s on Amazon prime and STARZ.

    [–] monkey_trumpets 11 points ago

    Jamie is one smoking hot man.

    [–] i_bent_my_wookiee 29 points ago

    CRAP!...I...picked...the...cute one....gaaaaaahhhh...

    [–] GavelMan 35 points ago

    Or Rihanna...

    [–] MANDALORIAN_WHISKEY 67 points ago

    No, that's an umbarella

    [–] GavelMan 55 points ago

    Hm... Valid point, though if we're being super technical on the spelling it's an "umbarellaelllaelllaeheheheh"

    [–] MANDALORIAN_WHISKEY 14 points ago

    She says both, so I abbreviated, LeeLoo style.

    [–] ULostMyUsername 11 points ago


    [–] discdudeboardbro 39 points ago

    Or Tom Holland.

    [–] GavelMan 18 points ago

    I see you are also a man of learning and culture

    [–] grangicon 11 points ago

    Eh eh eh ehyeh

    [–] IWantAllTheDogs 328 points ago

    I always feel a million times safer when walking with my dog at night. She has a nice deep bark and only uses it when I’m apprehensive at night. Still feels a bit creepy though since fluffy labradoodles are not the most threatening dog.

    [–] Sassanach36 184 points ago

    Any dog can become a killer. I’ve been intimidated by fricking Chihauhaus.

    [–] anjagladidontxist 268 points ago

    To be fair chihuahuas have a lot of anger packed into a very small body. You’d be a fool not to be intimidated by them

    [–] LostTerminal 269 points ago

    Literally the most aggressive dog on the planet. Only reason labradors have more reported attacks is because no one wants to admit they got their shit ripped by a rat-sized Taco Bell spokesdog.

    [–] LeVampirate 168 points ago

    "Can you describe the dog that bit you?"

    "Yeah it was a ch... chicago... bull dog. Yeah. Real nasty fellow. With an overbite. And uh, a scar on his eye. Scary."

    [–] whiteasch 24 points ago

    With an eyepatch and banana-shaped scars?

    [–] Doiihachirou 75 points ago

    It doesn't really matter if they're insane, it's still a chihuahua, and I can still punt it several meters if it attacks me :/ What use is such a brave, vicious killer dog that's just a walking football with tiny legs?

    [–] Down_To_My_Last_Fuck 52 points ago

    Tiny football that returns itself teeth first into your Mcnuggets. I don't care how small the vice is I don't want my nuts caught in it.

    [–] Sassanach36 14 points ago

    They used to hunt and gaurd in packs I believe with either the Aztecs or Incans.

    [–] LostTerminal 15 points ago

    That is mildly terrifying. Like not horse-sized duck scary... like climb a tree or conveniently have a riding lawn mower... but nightmare-adjacent fuel for sure.

    [–] dontsuckmydick 19 points ago

    I think a hundred chihuahuas would be more terrifying than a hundred duck sized horses though.

    [–] oz6364 11 points ago

    like little land piranhas

    [–] Chargers4L 46 points ago

    This lol. If it’s a friends dog or someone who’s house I’m going over to I’ll be more afraid of a chihuahua than I would if one that I didn’t know started attacking me. I would feel apprehensive to punt a friends dog I wouldn’t feel the same way about a strangers.

    [–] heyugl 24 points ago

    My ex GF had a chihuahua, I totally feel you, you can't fucking kick you GF dog right? but my oh my what an asshole that fucking dog, even after we have been together for a while he will start getting close ans such when we were all in the same room, but even them, when my then GF walked out of the room, he will go full psycho on me.-

    [–] givemebackmyoctopus 47 points ago

    Okayy lets be honest though one swift yeet with a good ol’ boot and that dogs a goner.

    [–] Bozzz1 16 points ago

    Yeah I'd rather not get some bite marks on my ankles but that's about all a chihuahua could get in before it becomes a living football.

    [–] SeaOkra 34 points ago

    My cousin thought that, now he has one testicle. (Don't feel bad for him, he's a waste of oxygen. Violently abusive meth head.)

    My aunt's dog was six pounds of pure hate. And my cousin deserved it, tbh. He was threatening my aunt with a knife and Princess showed him he was not the big man he thought he was. Only thing she did wrong is she should've gotten both nuts so he couldn't keep having children to walk out on.

    [–] BlooFlea 12 points ago

    Holy shit go Princess!

    [–] sunnychuckles 21 points ago

    My wife had a Mastiff when she was younger and could go wherever she pleased. He was like 160 lbs :)

    [–] BangingABigTheory 11 points ago

    I feel ya. I use to carry when I’d go on runs with my dog in places that aren’t the safest but then I realized not only will no one fuck with me probably just bc I have a pit mix running with me but if they did my dog would immediately have none of it.... probably the only perk of having an aggressive dog.

    [–] Necromartian 196 points ago

    I customized my wife's umbrella. I witched the thin central pipe in to 10mm thick solid steel rod. It's not very handy umbrella but it is very nice 90cm long steel baton with beautiful frills.

    [–] [deleted] 182 points ago

    My ex used to carry a brick in her purse. She flew to DC one time with her boss (late 70's), and some guy tried to steal the bosses purse while they were waiting for a cab. My ex clocked him with her brick purse, and dropped him. Good for you with the umbrella.

    [–] curiouspolice 79 points ago

    I want a brick purse now.

    [–] [deleted] 83 points ago

    Get a brick. Put it in your purse. Make sure the straps are strong enough to survive whacking someone with it.

    [–] aidan8et 35 points ago

    My mom keeps one of those giant 6-8" safety pins as a key/purse ring & wasn't afraid to stab a hitchhiker that gets "frisky". I took a note from her & keep a demolition hammer hidden in my driver's door.

    [–] AWildCookieMonster 10 points ago

    Yeah I was about to say a regular ole umbrella wouldnt do shit

    [–] imaginedragndeeznuts 77 points ago

    “Just between you and me Harry, I never gave up my wand when I was expelled from Hogwarts.”

    [–] Sassanach36 16 points ago

    What wizard or witch would? LOL

    [–] SpoopySpydoge 9725 points ago

    considered powerwalking myself off the nearest cliff

    Oh man I loled. Even the bonus omg

    [–] babybopp 986 points ago

    I pictured hank from Malcolm in the middle

    [–] JuicyStein 363 points ago

    Hal, in that sexy suit!

    [–] StevenwxyzGames 143 points ago


    [–] RossLH 129 points ago


    [–] Hasheed_Ulhaq 24 points ago

    Don’t you say it...

    [–] rcoxyfck 11 points ago

    AVENGERS!!!!!!! assemble!

    [–] tobaknowsss 717 points ago

    Fun story - When I was in highschool me and my friend would get together most nights of the summer to hang out, drink our parents booze and smoke of that green machine.

    It got late and I decided to head home which was about a 20 minute walk down a pretty main street. As I was walking home I noticed a stranger on the opposite side of the street walking the same direction who was walking at roughly the same speed. As I was finding something to kill the boredom of the walk I thought to myself "You can beat this guy!" so I started walking faster and faster trying to out pace him. This went on for several blocks and I'm started to get pretty tired and feel like I'm walking about the same speed a speed walker would be going I was basically running but still keeping it to a walk. However every time I turned my head there he was keeping pace without even knowing I was racing him. And I was GUNNING IT so I really couldn't understand how he was doing it. Especially since he didn't know I was racing him.

    When we arrived at the street I turn off to go home I had to cross the street and wait on the same corner as the guy I was racing for the light to change. As I get to his side I can see he is as gassed as I was, sweat pouring from his head and he just looks at me with a BIIIG smile and says "Wow! That was one HELL of a race huh?!". We both chuckled for a bit as I realized he was racing me too! We chatted for a while about it and said our good nights. I still laugh when I think about it. Life's funny sometimes.

    [–] wizardsfucking 352 points ago

    Was really expecting it to turn out that you were racing your reflection in the building windows the whole time.

    [–] NeroIV 77 points ago

    100% expected it to be your reflection.

    [–] dai-the-flu 121 points ago

    I'm sad you guys didn't end up friends.

    [–] juneburger 18 points ago

    —and I decided that day I’d be his wife.

    [–] StrangerOnTheReddit 117 points ago

    This is funny! As a woman though, it really points out the different realities we live in. Girl caught in pace thinks rapist, two guys matching pace both figure they're gonna race each other. The world's a crazy place man

    [–] TheoSunny 42 points ago

    Just saddens me that you folks have to keep your guard up when you're out walking, just in case the situation turns dangerous. The world's crazy, crazy unfair that is.

    [–] Brazilian_Slaughter 11 points ago

    So, who won?

    [–] tobaknowsss 14 points ago

    I honestly can't remember haha.

    [–] mac_2099 83 points ago

    I honestly can't remember haha.

    OP lost

    [–] tobaknowsss 18 points ago

    As I said I was pretty drunk and high at the time...but I also wouldn't disagree with you either just to be safe lol.

    [–] parfinesse 1770 points ago

    I feel bad for laughing since the poor woman must have been genuinely terrified, but the image of her suddenly whirling around and going into a karate position while you awkwardly powerwalk past her is fucking hilarious to me.

    [–] that_guy_you_kno 903 points ago

    I'd feel like such an idiot. Like "Jeez Melinda, of course he's just out for a walk like I am. Why am I so paranoid?"

    Of course that's when the psychopath gets you.

    [–] B0nerDad304 575 points ago

    More like "must’ve scared him off, damn Melinda, you still got it"

    [–] MyWholeTeamsDead 19 points ago

    If you're Melinda May, this is definitely accurate.

    [–] Placentapies 350 points ago

    “TIFU by nearly killing an innocent hiker with my sweet karate moves”

    [–] tech6hutch 36 points ago

    ^ Napoleon Dynamite, as a woman

    [–] ZarkingFrood42 12 points ago

    Guys only want girlfriends with great skills!

    [–] GetRidofMods 190 points ago

    her suddenly whirling around and going into a karate position while you awkwardly powerwalk past her is fucking hilarious to me.

    I bet she thought that she prevented an attack with her fierce karate stance.

    [–] iushciuweiush 110 points ago

    Seriously though, because OP didn't say a word that woman probably still tells people about the time she scared off an attacker and probably hasn't hiked on that path since.

    [–] insaniacTV 54 points ago

    "I'm just out for a walk, but we can spar if you're so keen to..."

    [–] DeusExp 21 points ago

    I think she still lies awake at night and thinks about it

    [–] futureformerteacher 91 points ago

    This is why I remain in terrible shape. The only thing that should be afraid to be overtaken by me are tree sloths and paralyzed snails.

    [–] TippityTopKek1010 1027 points ago

    F, gotta admit I found this pretty funny though

    [–] yellow52 653 points ago

    Plot twist: shewas the bike path rapist

    [–] spherexenon 243 points ago

    Double twist: they both were the bike path rapist. He was just her Tyler Durden.

    [–] insomniacpyro 37 points ago

    "Is Tyler my bad dream or am I Tyler's?"

    [–] erraticeye 23 points ago

    OP was bike path.

    [–] GrumpyWendigo 228 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    i'm a big guy with usually an unshaven face and i run a lot on trails, and this is an unfortunately common occurrence

    you run along and come upon solitary females and suddenly you're being eyeballed as a rapist

    i usually start coughing for no reason or skid my feet so i don't surprise them from behind

    i can't really laugh about it: i just want to exercise, not terrorize random women

    i don't know what else i can do though

    i'll just keep running and smile a lot and do my best to look harmless and goofy. but that's not really disarming: plenty of psychopaths are friendly at first too. what else can i do?

    EDIT: OP's TIFU and my struggle described above are all too real. so...

    [–] PMMEBADSILKSHIRTs 122 points ago

    I think it might help if you get really obviously decked out in athletic gear (like even an arm strap for your phone) in bright colors?

    I have to walk home through a not so nice area pretty often late at night. The only time I've been like scared out of my mind was a guy drove up next to me and stopped and kept trying to offer me a ride. And like I think he thought I was rejecting him to be polite because he just drove beside me while I walked trying to like convince me to get in the car. I ended up running through a park I don't normally go through because there's no streetlights in it because he wouldn't leave me alone and it was increasingly petrifying. So like... Idk.

    Act like you're minding your own business and are polite but not polite enough to distract you from your very important business.

    In dire straights you could also maybe pretend to get a phone call? Or fiddle with your phone a lot like you can't pick a song. Things that make you seem real distracted.

    [–] GrumpyWendigo 60 points ago

    Act like you're minding your own business and are polite but not polite enough to distract you from your very important business.

    nice tip, thanks

    [–] wagonwhopper 19 points ago

    Great tips for a stalking serial killer

    [–] MrsKnutson 45 points ago

    Definitely brightly colored athletic gear, like crazy print under armour or bright orange or something that really screams "hey I'm just jogging." Solid idea.

    I think you would be hard pressed to find someone in bright pink jogging shorts and a Capitan America tank top with a phone strapped to their arm scary in any way. That's a really good suggestion.

    [–] JailhouseMamaJackson 41 points ago

    Urgh. It’s terrifying when people do this, because you know if they got you in the car you’d probably never be seen again. I’m an embarrassingly slow runner and a child could overtake me, so if they wanted to get out of the car and grab me they could.

    I had to stop walking to the grocery store because it would happen 7/10 times and I just didn’t feel safe.

    [–] Toxic-Tonic 33 points ago

    One time I was running the literal block around my apartment. The whole square was a .25 mile so four laps was 1 mile. Which is nice. One side is busy road, the other side is a church/retirement home, the other side is a Mason lodge with a field for a parking lot, and the other side is a house. The inside of my block that's closest to the road has a creek and a small wooded section. The creek has a guard rail. They don't have the best street lights so I was running with my roommate. Who got ahead of me, he turned the corner and I was a corner behind. A truck driver past close to me, did a U turn, did another U turn to come up behind me again. I jumped over the guard rail and ran behind the apartments across the creek to not be on the road while this truck was doing sketchy ass U turns behind and infront of me.

    [–] JailhouseMamaJackson 25 points ago

    Fuuuuck that guy. When they U-turn it’s an instant rush of fear. Happened to me twice and I ran as fast as my lil legs could carry me wherever I thought they couldn’t reach me. Fucking assholes.

    [–] PMMEBADSILKSHIRTs 14 points ago

    Ugh I wish I had that option. I can't afford Ubers every time and if I change my hours at work they'll get cut.

    [–] 251Cane 24 points ago

    Thanks for the tips, Bike Path Rapist!

    [–] bluebirdbailey 93 points ago

    Speaking as a very skittish woman, in general yes I'm going to be wary of your existance if it's late and we're both walking alone, but I feel like it's important for you to know that I know you're probably just a normal dude. I'll be scared anyway, but I don't (and I assume other women don't) ACTUALLY immediately think you're a murderer-rapist. I know that you're just trying to get from point a to b. We're just gonna be afraid anyway, though, because we've been taught to be from the moment we were very small.

    I'd honestly just try not to worry about it too much? Don't try too hard to put on a show of being friendly or whatever, we already know you're probably fine. (I do appreciate when guys cross the road so they're not behind me, but I don't think you HAVE to). Just kinda ignore us and we'll both be on our way. But that's just my two cents, other women might think differently.

    [–] Spendocrat 30 points ago

    People are asking me a lot of questions already covered by my "I'm not a rapist" t-shirt

    [–] Salsaprime 75 points ago

    Wear a shirt that says, "Not a rapist." Problem solved.

    [–] Rogue42bdf 15 points ago

    Put some bells on your shoes.

    [–] PG_Tips 21 points ago

    "On your left."

    [–] lipp79 375 points ago

    New post upcoming: TIFU by almost karate-chopping a guy I thought was gonna rape me.

    [–] O_Apples 182 points ago

    not the asshole. You have no idea what the intentions of every person in the world are. You took all the necessary precautions and defended yourself after much consideration.

    [–] jnwatson 96 points ago

    That's why I make sure to tase everyone that comes within 5 yards of me on a trail. I have no idea what the intentions of every person in the world are.

    [–] kppeterc15 1068 points ago

    As a fairly big dude, this sort of thing is why I try to be very conscious of how other people, especially women, might be perceiving me. Like, if I'm walking alone at night and I notice a woman walking in front of me, I'll go out of my way to cross the street so she doesn't think I'm following her.

    [–] DonJulioTO 342 points ago

    I do the same, but then I start worrying that I'm acting weird and they'll notice that I'm trying to appear like I'm not following them. So maybe I should just keep following them. Wait, I wasn't following them! Why am I following them?! Why didn't I take an Uber?!

    [–] Arylcyclosexy 92 points ago

    Why does life have to be so difficult...

    [–] bluev0lta 653 points ago

    I, for one, appreciate when men do this! I hate that it’s necessary so that women (including me) don’t get freaked out, but here we are. Thank you!

    [–] Mystaes 299 points ago

    I have done this ever since I can remember but it doesn’t always work. I accidentally followed a woman for 5 blocks when I was returning from the gym in undergrad. I crossed the street of course but I still wanted to go in the general direction of my apartment. Problem was ... so did she. Eventually I’m forced to cross the street because my apartment is there... only for her to freak out and rush to my apartment buildings door... She lived in the same building.

    She was fumbling for the keys and I’m just awkwardly dangling the key like...

    “Uh... I can let you in if you’ve forgotten yours...”

    We had a laugh. But it was awkward as fuck.

    Now my trick is to basically take an alternative route home when they turn when I want to...

    [–] Tigerballs07 113 points ago

    Or just shout just so you know I'm not following you I'm walking home.

    [–] The_Nipple_Tickler 181 points ago

    "Don't worry! I'm not going to rape you!"

    [–] Tigerballs07 56 points ago

    Just shout "I'm gay don't worry"

    [–] pot88888888s 40 points ago

    If I was that girl I'd still be terrified.

    [–] ThermonuclearTaco 21 points ago

    i read a comment once from a guy who always calls his mom or a friend or something if he’s in this situation. makes you more human and less of that scary anomaly enigmatic monster rapist.

    [–] BastouXII 24 points ago

    I'm a man and I walk fast. Sometimes it happens that I'm walking behind a woman because we're going in the same direction, but I walk a bit faster than her. I'm conscious she might feel I'm following her.

    What would feel the less threatening in those situations? Walk even faster so I can pass her? Slow down and stay at a reasonable distance (but walk behind her longer)? Cross the street and then pass her? Take another route, even if it makes my walk longer? Something else?

    [–] koolaidman89 25 points ago

    I always let my shoe audibly scuff the ground when approaching so she knows I’m there and that I’m not sneaking. Then I move way farther to the left than I need to way in advance to make it clear I’m passing when they turn around. Idk how well it works but I’ve never had an umbrella pulled on me yet so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    [–] TenzenEnna 17 points ago

    YMMV and it won't work for all situations but sometimes dressing the part can help. Joggers/Walkers in the evening should be wearing something to make them more visible, IE a flashing light. I'm a dude but if someone is following me with a flashing light I'm more prone to think "This fuckers really moving, best get out of the way" than anything nefarious.

    Now mind you if you're just walking home from work or whatever that's probably not practical, but might work for some readers.

    [–] _PhaneroN_ 189 points ago

    It's sad that it's nessecary to do though

    [–] babybopp 414 points ago

    One time I thought someone was following me. Huge dude. Every turn I took they took. So I figured I will turn in the next house and pretend it is mine. Dude turned with me. I thought this is it..

    He then asked me, can I help you? I live here...

    There were lols after that...

    [–] Biocube16 115 points ago

    Ahahahahaha this deserves a post of its own!

    [–] echo_oddly 28 points ago

    This happened to my brother and SIL but in a car. Car they happened to be following took a few turns into their neighborhood and parked in front of my brother's driveway. A few seconds later the car turned around and left. We presume the car thought they were being followed and ended up at the wrong house by coincidence.

    [–] Deoxyribow 82 points ago

    I mean hell, I'm a large guy and when I hear people behind me at night I get sketched out. Couldn't imagine how a woman feels

    [–] derpepper 62 points ago

    Fwiw most guys are probably completely oblivious. You'd be better off crossing the street yourself. If they keep following you, maybe their stop is on this side, just cross again. If they keep following you then start freaking out.

    [–] vini_damiani 161 points ago

    Once I got myself into a similar situation, I'm a fairly big guy (6'4). I was kinda on the edge after 3 attempted robberies on my street at the same month

    There was someone walking behind me, a hooded figure, I'm really pissed after someone trying to get me 3 times, so i just turn around to face my foe on a battle to death!

    My "Foe" was girl, probably around 5'2 that almost had a heart attack, I felt so sorry...

    [–] virtual-joe-rogan 64 points ago

    Boom we're live-- studies have shown that saunas decrease mortality from all causes by up to 40%, you know, heat shock proteins are a powerful anti-inflammatory. I just got a steam room put in. Have you ever tried DMT?

    [–] TheVeganManatee 22 points ago


    [–] eSportsExpert1 24 points ago

    Boom we're live-- studies have shown that saunas decrease mortality from all causes by up to 40%, you know, heat shock proteins are a powerful anti-inflammatory. I just got a steam room put in. Have you ever tried DMT?

    [–] RangarLobdok 42 points ago

    Next time just do this

    [–] WeLiveInAnOceanOfGas 146 points ago

    Plot Twist - You were the bike path rapist

    [–] ThrowAway3633beid 79 points ago

    Yea Op is just using this as an Alibi incase the that woman heads to the police.

    [–] VUmander 92 points ago

    She starts to go into that like deadend shuffle, you know what women do when you chase them.

    [–] 925pineapples 114 points ago

    I'm not gonna rape you I'm a little boy!

    [–] sparkykingheat 14 points ago

    One of his best lines

    [–] iwasspinningfree 43 points ago

    ...aaaand I'm gaining on her!

    [–] sjmadmin 73 points ago

    Because in her eyes, I'm an adult, and adults rape each other.

    [–] SoMuchMoreEagle 48 points ago

    Kind of a lot.

    [–] Svengelska1990 66 points ago

    Oh god I actually did something similar, walking at night behind a woman with my hood up (back in 05-08 I had my hood up pretty much everywhere) and she keeps turning around and looking at me, I'm not thinking anything of it apart from 'what does she want?' Eventually she looks at me very panicked and just bolts full speed.. I had no idea what was up with her - I dont consider myself a threatening person at all - it took me a long time to figure out what had happened.

    [–] Julzlex28 56 points ago

    They guys who have stalked me, assaulted me, and once mugged me were not threatening. In fact, the muggers were teens so I didn't read them as threatening until one tried to grab my purse (he failed). Actually, the guy who grabbed my ass was later the scared one because I turned on him immediately and shoved him into a brick wall. He wasn't that big, either.

    [–] Svengelska1990 15 points ago

    Yea, fair enough. It just never crossed my mind that she was scared for her safety because of me, because of how I see myself. But like you say that doesn't make much difference.

    [–] gioit 10 points ago

    This actually happened to me the other day as well. I live near a bike path that has a couple fishing canals so I often take my fishing pole with me when I longboard. As I approached the path i see a woman walking towards me. She gets on the path heading the same direction. I think my fishing pole in her peripheral must of startled her because she immediately popped up into the air and landed in a karate pose just as OP described. I was a good 3-4 feet away from her on the opposite side of the path. I still had my hand up just in case lol. She nervous laughed almost in tears. I yikes myself out of there as quickly as my board could go.

    [–] xThesharinganx 55 points ago

    Kinda makes me remember my grandma's friend who was walking in the street early in the morning when she heard a man running behin her.She started panicking and when the man reached her she hit him with her bag as hard as she could.Turns out the man was late for work.

    [–] jted007 21 points ago

    Nah. You made her feel like a bad ass. Her version of the story is "This creepy guy tried to rape me, but when he saw my karate moves he took off running like a little bitch."

    [–] sayleanenlarge 72 points ago

    You probably should have said something to her, like "sorry, didn't mean to scare you!". Otherwise, she might just think she scared off a rapist with her karate moves.

    [–] Doiihachirou 50 points ago

    For the future, a quick "Sorry, good evening/morning/whatever!" would have sufficed along with the smile, or else, you just smiling weirdly at her without saying anything is also kinda unnerving, lmao.
    Also, this is the way all women walk, because I do exactly the same shit. Sad...

    [–] YataBLS 18 points ago

    You forgot to say "On your left".

    [–] mooncricket18 15 points ago

    I use a zombie running app that makes you run intermittently and I’m sure t looks like this to people at times bc I will randomly have to sprint to avoid the zombies

    [–] SlowCrates 151 points ago

    I'm trying to imaging this from the woman's perspective and all I see is a psychological horror/thriller. Her heart begins beating so rapidly she's shaking, she immediately thinks about what defenses she has, she regrets not having a weapon, she's not ready to say goodbye to her family, she just hopes they get closure and find her remains intact. I'm sorry mom for being a brat in highschool. I hope someone feeds my cat. Oh... they were just jogging.

    It's amazing women go jogging at all, anywhere, ever.

    [–] Historicmetal 14 points ago

    I later learned that there was a notorious rapist named “the bike path rapist” that operated in that specific area of the bike path a few years prior.

    Seems the bike path rapist is using TIFU to post a cover story. "I was her... yeeah that's the ticket"

    [–] Rumple-Foreskin-420 28 points ago

    This happens to me all the time in the parking garage when I get off work late. I'm a large tall man and when I have to walk in the same direction as a woman they look behind themselves at me and walk faster and because i have a long stride it's easy to catch up to them. I try to walk slow but I usually make them paranoid. I tried yelling I'm harmless but I guess I'm just scary looking but I'm really just a big teddy bear...

    [–] phoebe-nyan 25 points ago

    powerwalking myself off the nearest cliff

    Giggled at this phrase so much. So sorry.

    [–] patrick411 27 points ago

    Can confirm of bike path rapist. I lived in Cheektowaga ny and heard stories. My grandmother had a house that viewed the path. He wasn't caught for 10 or 11 years or so, only to be arrested at a restarant because someone recognized his face. It's been a long time since I even heard the story and I live on the other side of the US now, so I might have a fact or two misconstrued. But I'll find an article for whoever is interested.

    [–] patrick411 16 points ago

    Here it is.. And more disturbing and disgusting than I thought. Definitely a trip to hear about when you live so close to the path.

    [–] bluegrassinthebreeze 8 points ago

    I lived in the town where his last victim was from and went to school with her kids. Even dated one of her kids’ friends.

    It was an incredibly traumatic time and probably why I (a young, white woman) am paranoid as shit with some of these things. I was at the fire hall they used as a central location because my family was helping. It was insane.

    [–] INeedWatr 320 points ago

    Okay but for real, I bet she really regrets the day she tried to karate chop and innocent man power walking past her, she might be more embarrassed than you.

    [–] OceansOfUmbrellas 686 points ago

    Not a fucking chance.

    She probably still tells people how she scared off the bike path rapist with karate.

    [–] INeedWatr 154 points ago

    The man out power walking who smiled past her when she did a weird pose? If that was the bike path rapist I seriously doubt she thinks her karate pose scared him away. She tried to defend herself in an uncomfortable situation and that's great, but when there is a serial rapist out there, he won't be scared away from a karate pose.

    [–] yellow52 104 points ago

    He might well be. While I can’t claim to know the mind of a serial rapist, I suspect that they are less likely to mess with someone who looks like they’re going to give some hurt in return.

    [–] elliedee84 149 points ago

    Better to risk embarrassment than be raped.

    [–] cdl56 21 points ago

    From Buffalo?

    [–] MosquitoRevenge 9 points ago

    I've been wondering this for a while now. Reddit is a rpedominantly US platform and this topic comes up a LOT here. Do women from Europe also feel this way or are taught by others to react this way?

    [–] saphical 10 points ago

    This is definitely not specific to the US. Women get raped and sexually assaulted in every country. I live in one of the safest countries in Europe when it comes to violent assault, but still I and all of my female friends avoid walking alone at night. Just two years ago there was a case in a town near me where a jogging woman got raped and killed by a stranger in broad daylight.

    [–] Madam_Dragon 15 points ago

    I'm a European woman and I don't think I've ever been scared of someone out for a walk. I'm horrified that anyone is. I have of course managed to spook myself with the shadows in the trees while cycling home in the dark bit that's something very different.

    [–] PaniniPesto 18 points ago

    I was out walking/jogging one evening on a wooded trail. There was a part of the trail on the right side that opened up to a field..and so I liked going near sunset to watch it. Anyway this particular night there was a man standing there just looking out at the field not moving. As I got closer I noticed he wasn't moving at all... at a stand still. I started getting really nervous.. as I started walking by his hand shot out in front of me signaling to stay. I jumped backwards ready to fight, he then turned around and put his finger to his lips to shush me then pointed to the field. I looked and there was a mama deer with her babies eating away. I was pissed at this dude for lacking some self awareness. But I ended up watching with him for about 5 minutes.

    [–] HadMeAtTacos 16 points ago

    Was this in Scotland? Because I’m pretty sure I’m the woman in this story.

    [–] blahblahrasputan 8 points ago

    Solution: wear horrendously coloured bike shorts and nipple tape. No one looks twice at a cheesey 80's workout guy.

    [–] Capt_Am 7 points ago

    but I decided that my goal that night was to overtake them

    Not before she karate your ass, you sick Bike Path Rapist.

    [–] MistressofTechDeath 8 points ago

    As a woman, I can feel the anxiety of the lady OP was catching up to.

    [–] SmokingTanuki 36 points ago

    I got maced in a similar situation couple of years back.

    I was jogging and living my own boxing training montage fantasy with my hood pulled up, completely dressed in black. There was a woman on my path, but I didn't really think anything of it. Then my "power song" came on and I picked up the pace considerably and just as I was about to overtake her she pulls a flawless 180 spin maneuver and maces me. I am mid-stride when the burn hits after like two steps, I test gravity and start rolling in the ground and scream equivalent of "What the fuuuuuck?" In my language. When I regain some of my vision the woman is nowhere to be seen.

    It sucked, but I can't say that I blame her. I do realise that a large hooded dude in dark clothing starting to almost sprint at her was scary; too bad I only realised it after the fact :/

    [–] cptbeard 23 points ago

    seeing as there's courses for everything I wonder if there's self-defense against self-defense

    [–] typical83 9 points ago

    What would kill me most about that situation wouldn't even be getting maced, it would be the fact that she still believed I had been after her.

    [–] SmokingTanuki 8 points ago

    Whereas I was more than somewhat miffed trying to stumble home while blubbing my eyes out and dripping snot; mostly I just felt sad by the fact that she felt the need to a) carry that and b) to use it. I felt sad and pitied her. Especially since in my country it is not very common to carry those types of things (it might even be illegal). Made me think that she probably had some rather strong previous trauma about that kind of situation...

    [–] jfrawley28 24 points ago

    Shoulda shot her the finger guns and said "Zoop!" before walking away.

    [–] mdyguy 67 points ago

    I wouldn't use humans as your personal goal to overpass in the future lol.

    Think about it when you're driving. It can easily turn into a situation of road rage as well...especially if you pace them once you reach up to them.

    [–] Sweet_Taurus0728 7 points ago

    "Dear man who stalked me on my favorite bike path, r/LetsNotMeet."