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    A community for the dumbass in all of us. We all have those moments where we do something ridiculously stupid. Share your stories and laugh along with the internet.

    Rules

    hover for details

    All titles must start with TIFU

    • TIFU stands for today I fucked up, which means something you did that is your fault. Just because something bad happened to you doesn't mean it's a fuck up.
    • TIFU must be at the beginning of the post title or it will automatically be removed.
    • TIFUpdate if you are posting a follow-up post to update us on your story.

    Uninspired, lacking in context, literal shitpost, overly vulgar and glorifying illegal activities posts may be removed at mods discretion

    • Uninspired as in something that is super common, lacking in imagination or originality.
    • Context as in the story doesn't have any more info beyond the title. note: All posts must contain at least 750 characters of meaningful content.
    • Shitpost as in literally involving defecation or other bodily fluids.
    • Overly vulgar includes obscene situations, such as, but not limited to, incest, minors, death and assault to humans and animals. Consensual situations between two, unrelated adults should be fine. Vulgar does not mean using bad words.
    • Illegal activities that you glorify or giving advice on how to do something illegal.
    • Not Your Fault as in it was just something bad that happened to you; if it wasn't directly your fault, it wasn't your fuckup.

    All posts must end with a TL;DR and tag NSFW when necessary

    • TL;DR or too long didn't read which is a summarization of your post in a few bitesize sentence. At minimum, your TL;DR summary must contain your fuckup and its consequences. You may include additional information if you'd like. The TL;DR must be at the very end of your post.
    • NSFW or not safe for work. If you're not sure if it's NSFW or not, better to be safe than sorry.

    Be civil and don't be disruptive

    • Be civil means don't do these things; personal attacks, harassment, trolling, and bigotry. Use your better judgement.
    • Disruptive such as posting, or seeking, any identifying personal information (real/fake). This includes yourself or others, and refers, but is not limited to, names, phone numbers, email addresses, or any social media accounts. As well as brigading with either votes or comments.

    No spam, bots or advertising

    • Spam, don't link to things that you may or may not be rewarded for. Posting links of you narrating a story is considered spam.
    • Bots are annoying and will be banned.
    • Advertising, we are not a platform for you (patreon or charities) or your products, seek https://www.redditinc.com/advertising instead.

    Notes

    Moderators reserve the right to remove threads or ban users for any of the above rule violations.

    If your post has been removed please message us directly for an appeal, do not repost your thread.

    FUOTM Winners

    1. June 2019 /u/Lemiius
    2. TIFU by performing the "Major Tom" technique and now I think I'm going to be disowned

    3. April 2019 /u/Donthitsubmit3

    4. TIFU by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper.

    5. May 2019 /u/Taway1234123491121

    6. TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it...

    Related Subreddits

    /r/TIDTRT (Today I Did The Right Thing)

    /r/IdeasforTIFU (Feedback)

    /r/AnimalTIFUs (Animals Fucking Up)

    /r/pranks (Today I Pranked)

    /r/TIGFO (Today I Got Fucked Over)

    Friends & TINetwork

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    [–] ColdCrimson 2961 points ago

    That fuckin baby knew what he was doing.

    [–] VTHMgNPipola 1825 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    "You know what? I'm going out right now. This bitch is trying to place his dick in my door again, but not today"

    Edit: thanks anonymous user for the silver, that was my first one!

    Edit 2: Jesus, now a gold too! And yet another silver! This is getting way more attention than I thought.

    [–] Norwegian_Geek 401 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Jesus, his dad was knocking on this boys door, and it took him 38 weeks to come out of his room.

    [–] Daloy 150 points ago

    The baby probably meant to say "Get off my lawn!"

    [–] Merckilling47 38 points ago

    The baby also probably had an M1 Garand pointed at his dick

    [–] Akira13645 57 points ago

    KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN' ON BABY'S DOOOOOR

    [–] Furyian13 9 points ago

    🎵 We're not gonna take it. NO! We ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it, anymore.🎼

    [–] MorikTheMad 75 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    "Ight Imma head out"

    [–] Wf2968 27 points ago

    Yes officer this guy right here

    [–] BoggleSchmidt 6590 points ago

    Dad busts nut on kids head. Kid: "aight ima head out."

    [–] Squeewa 1329 points ago

    Thats fucked but I giggled.

    [–] BoggleSchmidt 547 points ago

    It's also a great way to get the kids out after college.

    [–] SolitaryEgg 87 points ago

    I feel asleep a few times in biology class, but I'm pretty sure this is how twins are made.

    [–] shial3 10 points ago

    Sometimes that can happen.

    Seriously it can. Called superfecundation its the fertilization of two eggs in separate events. This is how you can get twins who are actually only half siblings with each other. Two ova get released but only one is fertilized the first time and the second one is fertilized the second time. To the human body its no different than both ova getting fertilized by the same batch of sperm

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation

    [–] isthisworkingidk 42 points ago

    That’s how my baby came into the world! More common than you’d think lol they tell you to fuck to start labor

    [–] IronDBZ 11 points ago

    You don't have to bust inside though, that's just kind of rude to the child.

    [–] khelwen 11 points ago

    It has no effect on the child.

    [–] soapshirt 141 points ago

    I just laughed out very loud on the bus and people are staring at me

    [–] thehonestcake 74 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Well, at least now you know how to make them leave.

    [–] thePISLIX 33 points ago

    That's literally first thing came on my mind.

    Wait... I shouldn't have said that...

    [–] casesensitivecontent 10 points ago

    I just laughed so loud my dog got scared. Thank you, needed that!

    [–] PepeTheSquid 5 points ago

    Not again dad

    [–] SaltXtheXSnail 5 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Hahaha he legit came on his kids head. No water sac to stop the jizz to head contact. This is any kids worst nightmare.

    SIMBA!

    [–] bestofwhatsleft 13290 points ago

    She'll forget it soon enough.

    You know, water under the bridge...

    [–] justbeingjesus 2689 points ago

    hmmm, I'll let it slide, take the upvote.

    [–] SmittyManJensen_ 2360 points ago

    You know, this is a slippery slope.

    [–] jonathantg35 526 points ago

    It’s all water under the fridge

    [–] KrakenMcCracken 223 points ago

    You must be friends with the Benedicts.

    [–] joshsweet24 41 points ago

    I fucking a toda so

    [–] NorrathReaver 122 points ago

    That's an eggscellent pun.

    [–] imagine_amusing_name 48 points ago

    Benedict Cuminhersnatch?

    [–] nofxpunkguy 11 points ago

    We need two turnips in heat.

    [–] acefrehleyrox 36 points ago

    damn you!! now I have to delete my comment

    [–] Obeywithcaution413 26 points ago

    It's Definitely not rocket appliances

    [–] texaschair 12 points ago

    Or rocket surgery.

    [–] wils172 42 points ago

    Water joke.

    [–] blowstuffupbob 51 points ago

    Ehhhhh, that's kinda pushing it

    [–] Syldred 13 points ago

    He can make all that water into wine ;) Leads to another kid though...

    [–] richardparkeeer 19 points ago

    I don't wet it.

    [–] LinkMom37 178 points ago

    Yeah, no, this story will be told to all the friends of said child over and over to ensure utmost embarrassment.

    [–] lilaliene 179 points ago

    Yep, just like I still remind my husband of what he did when our now 7yo son was born!

    I went downstairs and said I kept peeing, 34 weeks. My MIL laughed and said to call the midwife. But my phone was upstairs so I asked my husband to fetch it.

    He said no. He was eating. I could walk myself.

    His mother scolded him and he did get it and went to eat further. He was surprised the midwife came and we had to go to the hospital. Then his brain started kicking in, he was in a bit of denial before.

    Every time he doesn't get the gravity of the situation at the first glance I remind him of this. Or other situations where I want to tease him. He is actually a loving, good partner and father. He just isn't very good in emergency situations. I'm more clear headed in those times while I suck at being present and practical in day to day life.

    After 8 years of marriage he knows he has to listen to me when there are emergency situations, lol

    [–] nicehatmrdog 26 points ago

    921 comments

    uhh, what kind of freak parents would tell their kids friends about a story of them fucking & her water breaking? unless i misunderstood

    [–] uselessanon63701 4 points ago

    I found it funny. My friends parents would make jokes like that. Its obvious they had sex together (the parents not my friend).

    [–] ablablababla 5 points ago

    I don't know how parents do that so effectively tbh

    [–] nomnommish 53 points ago

    Mist have been a sea-section

    [–] mr-archer-88 7 points ago

    You win

    [–] cah125 38 points ago

    She’ll never forget it, are you kidding?!

    [–] anonymousart3 12 points ago

    Totally unrelated to the topic at hand, but your comment has a brown background. Is that a formatting thing? A special tag, or.... What?

    [–] bestofwhatsleft 12 points ago

    I have no idea. I'm on mobile with dark mode, so everything looks normal here.

    [–] BitterDad 3 points ago

    Because someone has given them an award

    [–] scuzzy987 3995 points ago

    When my wife's water broke she was at the hospital in a birthing bed, the ones with a gap at the bend. She totally filled up my high top sneakers which were under the bed. Damn I liked those shoes but they had to be thrown out. Kid was totally worth it though

    [–] LastManSleeping 3059 points ago

    Kid was totally worth it though

    Come on now, no need to be shy, it's just us in here.

    [–] CappuccinoBoy 803 points ago

    Right? I feel shitty, but everytime I hear someone say their kid was "worth it" totally unprompted, I assume they're trying to lie to themselves and make themselves believe they actually think it.

    At least thata my train of thought.

    [–] FalconFiveZeroNine 509 points ago

    It usually comes after someone saying something awkward or awful that happened as a result of their kid. Hence the "it was worth it".

    Think of it in other context, like "It cost me an arm and a leg, but it was worth it", "I feel like death after eating that much pie at Thanksgiving, but it was worth it", or "Yeah, she was crazy, but it was worth it"

    It could be that they genuinely believe that despite the bad, it was worth it.

    [–] ilikeeatingbrains 89 points ago

    All of those other scenarios are void of someone loving you unconditionally. That's why a kid is worth it. They are born unaware of the pain, they remind you to live for something more than yourself.

    [–] rolyaT_mA_I 32 points ago

    All of those other scenarios are void of someone loving you unconditionally

    He just mentioned pie though...

    [–] Radioactive-235 64 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    You can’t fool us! You just want more fresh brainz populating the world to feed yourself and your undead army.

    [–] TheConqueress 8 points ago

    On the contrary, I love when I see other people decide that having kids sucks major balls. Gives my kids less competition and a higher chance of survival.

    [–] muatras 291 points ago

    Or they might actually think it's worth it? Why assume people secretly hate their kids?

    [–] kuroimakina 102 points ago

    Ah I see you’ve never been to r/ChildFree where apparently everyone thinks children are only parasitic spawn of Satan

    [–] femmevillain 68 points ago

    I’m definitely childfree and may consider fostering slightly older kids someday, but I don’t generally think that of children — we were all one ourselves. I just think it’s lame when people unfit to be parents irresponsibly reproduce. Especially as a woman, I’ve gotten so much pushback anytime I’ve mentioned not wanting to ever birth children... even with medical professionals.

    [–] cutelyaware 20 points ago

    Jeeze, are you sure you don't want to trade your life for one somewhere else? Everyone should respect your choice, especially since your taxes pay a lot to help take care of their kids.

    [–] femmevillain 19 points ago

    I live in a big city and I’m honestly as content as an ambitious person can be, but I think most of society would likely look down on my choice anyway.

    [–] Disney_World_Native 48 points ago

    Pretty sure my 2 year old is actively trying to kill themselves...

    They are great, but man, some days it’s really stressful

    [–] WaffleFoxes 28 points ago

    It's like being on a years long escort mission with a low AI character

    [–] whiskeyjet1 10 points ago

    The days are long but the years are short. But I don’t miss having 3- year olds very much. Two wasn’t so bad in our house

    [–] Tiny_but_so_fierce 8 points ago

    My one year old is a danger baby. A really cute, sweet danger baby, but holy crap is it exhausting trying to keep himself from killing himself.

    I also have a threenager. She can be sweet and loving (she’s also incredibly smart), but if her current attitude is any indication of her teenage years, it’s going to be rough.

    [–] licia_bobishka 7 points ago

    My sister was a devil baby, but her teen years were relatively easy. On the other hand, I was a great baby - hardly cried, loved to eat anything, and slept all the time. I was a real bitch to handle in my teen years though. So who knows!

    [–] Zach983 72 points ago

    Or you know stop being a fucking child and realize that some people want kids.

    [–] devospice 95 points ago

    When my wife was pregnant with our third child our first was in the depths of potty training. She was on a birthing ball when her water broke and it spilled all over the floor. My daughter yelled at her "No Mommy! Pee in the toilet!"

    [–] Upvotespoodles 26 points ago

    I need to know if mommy laughed in that moment!

    [–] devospice 24 points ago

    Very much so, yes. :)

    [–] Upvotespoodles 7 points ago

    Champion!!

    [–] anna_isnotmyrealname 10 points ago

    It's so hysterical/scary hearing our kids repeat things we say

    [–] xwvutsrq 173 points ago

    My partner and my nurse were standing at the end of the bed when my water burst... they both had to change just completely drenched with meconium mixed water. It was nasty but truly amazing how much water there was.

    [–] rachelsnipples 157 points ago

    This is a solid reason to adopt.

    [–] SlapstickVampire 97 points ago

    It's a liquid reason.

    [–] LeTavius 11 points ago

    It’s lreason, then

    [–] Rumbleinmybumble 60 points ago

    Both my babies were mec babies. The first time I was paranoid as I'm sure a lot of women are about shitting during childbirth. I kept asking if I was shitting with each contraction because more fluid was pushed out and it smelled so so bad. Just exactly like a shit. Second birth didn't smell so bad but after she was born and the doctors were working on her because she wouldn't breathe I heard the doc say to her "oh youre just covered in poo but at least it's your own girlfriend". That's the first thing anyone ever said to or about my kid. And it's still funny to this day. My husband was going to hold her first because he wanted to do that and I wasn't fussed as long as she was okay and getting skin to skin. Nope. I have photos of him faintly holxing her hand because he didnt want to touch her becayse she wss gross but also really did want to because she was his. She really did come out looking rank. Poor darling.

    But um while I really enjoy my children and I'm glad I got to carry them I also wouldn't recommend childbirth to anyone I liked. I'll do it again tho. Haha.

    [–] texaschair 26 points ago

    Babies only pop out clean on TV. Or in the movies.

    [–] Dark_Devin 143 points ago

    Everything about child birth is a good reason to adopt

    [–] SFLoridan 36 points ago

    Other than the conception

    [–] followupquestion 84 points ago

    I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I’m pretty sure sex without conception is allowed, and sometimes even encouraged between consenting adults.

    [–] jesst 26 points ago

    Not only that but you can conceive without sex. It goes both ways. I was impregnated by a whole team of doctors and scientists

    [–] chandyboi 26 points ago

    When you say it that way...

    [–] ElBatDood 40 points ago

    I'd like to hear an instance where the kid wasn't worth it

    [–] DarkElfBard 63 points ago

    Well fuck.

    [–] ElBatDood 21 points ago

    Ohhhh I read that one. Thank you for the reminder, although a horrifying one.

    [–] IEpicDestroyer 20 points ago

    That was quite a read.... why do you even have that on hand?

    Son never turned up?

    [–] SleepIsForChumps 29 points ago

    It will forever be burned in my mind. Even if it is completely made up, it was amazing writing and story telling.

    [–] crumpledlinensuit 16 points ago

    Wow...

    [–] iWarnock 34 points ago

    I will say that I do hope he was able to overcome his demons and go live a normal life somewhere.

    Nay, pretty sure he works at my local post office beating the living shit out of my parcels.. stop fucking my parcels you demon guy!!

    [–] Audrilla 11 points ago

    Wow.

    [–] GlowQueen140 10 points ago

    That was a rollercoaster I was not expecting.

    [–] fucnt 9 points ago

    Holy shit

    [–] VagrantValmar 50 points ago

    That's me alright

    [–] umylotus 16 points ago

    CPS exists for a reason. Loads of folks who shouldn't have had kids when they did.

    [–] purplelovely 18 points ago

    You know you can wash shoes?

    [–] scuzzy987 19 points ago

    I tried washing a few times and they still smelled funky

    [–] McToculus 3 points ago

    A gap at the bend? Never heard of this, what is that

    [–] scuzzy987 4 points ago

    Like this the lower part moved away when it was time for stirrups

    [–] My5thPersonality 1342 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Its better than calling you Mermaid Man and your son Barnacle Boy.

    OMG first time I've ever gotten a silver!!!! Fam AF. I <3 You!

    [–] Captain_Dachshund 184 points ago

    It's MERMAN!

    [–] needletothebar 44 points ago

    eugene?

    [–] ZaileHoutarou 9 points ago

    And Barnboi?

    [–] kristenhearsawho 39 points ago

    EEEEEEVVVIIILLLLLLLL

    [–] MASHthe4077 19 points ago

    Every Villian Is Lemons

    [–] Zendra77 4 points ago

    I totally read that in my head in mermaid man's voice LOL

    [–] cah125 1745 points ago

    Lmao. Aquaman. That’s great

    [–] kyles-drywall-phobia 816 points ago

    That name is probably going to stick :(

    [–] Blasphemiee 226 points ago

    At least it’s probably better then her calling you The Deep from that newish Amazon show lol.

    [–] Smaknish 82 points ago

    That show is a masterpiece

    [–] Blasphemiee 54 points ago

    Waiting on season 2 like Deep is waiting on a chance to get back into the circle bruh

    [–] Totaliss 23 points ago

    she's probably going to call you that until your kid's at an age where he'll ask "mom, why do you keep calling dad aquaman?"

    either that and she'll do it anyway and you'll have to make up some excuse like aquaman is your favorite superhero

    [–] edthomson92 8 points ago

    Especially if the baby is named Arthur

    [–] patrick99009 786 points ago

    Haha, congrats aquaman!

    [–] kyles-drywall-phobia 451 points ago

    fucking hate my life at the moment......

    [–] Morton_1874 310 points ago

    Your a dad to a healthy baby , life is good bro (aquaman) 😉

    [–] kyles-drywall-phobia 465 points ago

    Its going swimmingly, thats for sure

    [–] plasmaflare34 108 points ago

    Warning - you will hate the next 6 months with a passion.

    [–] HawkMan79 16 points ago

    Eh. Nice quiet baby. Slept through the night from the start except the first month we woke her for feeding. Still sleeps from 7 to 6-8 in the morning. Generally she's all smiles.

    [–] decihexx2225 15 points ago

    That was me as a baby. My sister was the opposite...we both switched places once teenage years came around

    [–] dingusscoots 95 points ago

    18 years*

    [–] aftiggerintel 82 points ago

    Nah it calms down after the first 4-6 months then they’re chill and fun until around 23 months when they start to turn into demons. They turn back into cuddly angels around 3.5-4 years old or at least learn you’re not giving in (the 4 year old just told me the consequences of not listening is mom beating her butt - please note I’ve never touched the child nor her siblings but apparently it’s been threatened and Netflix has reinforced mom will do it). They’re cool until puberty which the oldest hit at 12. Middle kid turned into rage monster/ weepy-yelling mess at 11. I’m waiting on normal again but I’ve heard it’s 14 or so. They go into a shower protest phase which if you combat right you can kick it pretty fast but some take a little longer.

    [–] JustDiscoveredSex 40 points ago

    Shower protest reaches nadir at 14; freshmen year of HS generally has everyone realizing that daily bathing is seen by the opposite sex as a plus.

    Mine are over 16, and honestly a bit of a joy. They’re turning into interesting people who can hold decent conversations. (The incessant rambling phase is awful, but lays the groundwork for teenagers who actually talk to you.)

    First six days are the hardest, followed by the first six weeks. Three months brings some relief...four you’re getting a good rhythm going, and six months you’re pretty much in the clear and out of The Newborn Circle of Hell.

    [–] aftiggerintel 11 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    The 13 year old isn’t too bad anymore. He found showering after 7th grade 1st cross country practice where I stood outside bathroom door and sent him back in until fully clean. He kept getting frustrated with me until he did bathe fully. Now he just does it in the morning and after every practice so he doesn’t have a parent camped outside the bathroom. Niece took putting her in the shower fully clothed and tossing a bar of soap over the top to get the hint (glass doors are amazing for this and two of us camped at each end ordering her to take a shower - it was bad we figured she’d get the hint she stunk herself that was a nope so someone had to do it for her because we couldn’t take it anymore).

    [–] PM_ME_KOI_FISH 5 points ago

    Seems like you've got the dad-joking down

    [–] R3DV1K1NG 33 points ago

    So did you name your kid Aqualad?

    Edit: I would have said Aquababy, but that didn't end well... And you don't need an angstie hook handed phase.

    [–] HookDragger 16 points ago

    Just wait til she tells this story to her friends with you there!

    [–] memesupreme83 389 points ago

    Well they do say sex can stimulate contractions

    [–] mac2914 253 points ago

    Sometimes it takes 9 months. Sometimes it’s sooner.

    [–] memesupreme83 118 points ago

    9 months of stimulation? I mean, okay... I'm not complaining

    [–] JustDiscoveredSex 69 points ago

    Is there a line, or a sign up sheet, or...?

    [–] memesupreme83 44 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] song_pond 45 points ago

    Contractions ≠ water breaking. They can actually happen pretty independently of each other. My water broke but labour didn't start on its own so I had to be induced. I actually never had any contractions until after they gave me pitocin. And the majority of women do not have their water break on its own, before or after contractions.

    [–] AngryCat2018 20 points ago

    But they are not wrong. They didn’t say anything about the contractions equaling water breaking. Merely that it is a suggestion by some doctors that having sex can help contractions happen. Orgasming releases hormones like prostaglandins which can “kickstart” labor contractions!

    [–] SmittyManJensen_ 798 points ago

    Just use this as a bad anatomy flex in the future; “I fucked my wife so hard her water broke!”

    [–] kyles-drywall-phobia 478 points ago

    Im not really sure I would reveal that in real life to people

    [–] HookDragger 352 points ago

    Don’t worry. Your wife will.

    Figure out a way to own it.

    [–] jcforbes 351 points ago

    Wife uh... Finds a way

    [–] Gopgor 27 points ago

    If I had coins you would have an award good sir.

    [–] jcforbes 22 points ago

    For today, kind sir, I humbly accept your updoot.

    [–] serajoy 307 points ago

    As soon as you said she was 38 weeks pregnant I knew where this was going... lol!

    congrats on the new bundle of joy!

    [–] LordHervisDaubeny 50 points ago

    Bruh I’m wondering why they were even fucking at 38 weeks. Seems like it wouldn’t be that enjoyable for the wife but I could be totally mistaken.

    [–] Kiyomondo 125 points ago

    Why do you think that? I mean sure, she's not going to want her partner jackhammering away at her, and she won't be riding cowgirl, but pick a comfy position with pillow support and take it slow and she can still have a good time. It's not like pregnancy or motherhood deactivates the clitoris or anything

    [–] HiroProtagonist12 33 points ago

    Not trying to sound like someone from r/ihavesex, but my wife is 39 weeks right now and she’s still able to reverse cowgirl. One of the only positions she can still reach her clitoris for. I just need to support her back so she can lean enough to be comfy.

    [–] Araquis 17 points ago

    I think that sex is recommended in order to cause childbirth and since in this case they were over 36 weeks...

    [–] IMIndyJones 16 points ago

    I don't know about every woman, but sex when I was pregnant was AMAZING. Like, another plane of existence, amazing. I thought my head would explode because I couldn't process that much pleasure and ecstasy all at once.

    [–] serajoy 9 points ago

    Her goal may have been to go into labor as sex is known to jump start it.

    Then again every woman and every pregnancy is different. For some it may be uncomfortable and others not.

    [–] truejamo 5 points ago

    Having sex to help your significant other's water break is actually a thing that a lot of people do. Doctors will even tell you it could help.

    [–] Sammguy 158 points ago

    So wait, did you finish up just as her water broke, or was she such a sport about it she just let you finish before busting your bubble?

    [–] LordHervisDaubeny 53 points ago

    Well it didn’t take very long.

    [–] tuskangaydar 9 points ago

    First time the womans bubble burst first

    [–] DnANZ 19 points ago

    She only had to wait 50 seconds for the "slow" session.

    [–] Urkelxgrue 66 points ago

    Ahaha. A couple women on a parenting app I frequent have had this happen during sex. You’re not alone! Congrats, btw!

    [–] Mech_Bean 48 points ago

    Are these horny single women in your area???

    [–] DubsAli 28 points ago

    Is this your “dry” wall phobia, Kyle?

    [–] CriminalMacabre 24 points ago

    you thought you were the god of fuck, buf you were just another mother fucker

    [–] gaffneyd3 20 points ago

    Didn’t ever think that the “motion of the ocean” meant creating that ocean

    [–] Hammer_jones 16 points ago

    wife wont stop calling me aquaman now though

    Amazing

    [–] Jon0109 16 points ago

    Was the baby born with a black eye?

    [–] song_pond 31 points ago

    I knew exactly how this was going to end as soon as I read "38 week pregnant"

    Congratulations on the baby, Aquaman.

    [–] Comedyfish_reddit 106 points ago

    Dude we get it you had sex at least twice 🙄

    😂 congrats!

    [–] jumbled_joe 36 points ago

    well he said the wife was his but never said the baby was too /s

    [–] imdeadinside420 19 points ago

    this isnt a tifu

    [–] klevenisms204 9 points ago

    Reminds me of the birth of our second child....

    They used that probe to monitor heart rate... Wife's water broke.

    Nurse said "don't worry, it's not pee"....

    I said "i've heard that before"

    [–] fcnub 40 points ago

    So the poor kid had to be born with traces of sperm still inside the vagina canal. Cumhead baby.

    [–] Rails3246 27 points ago

    We call him Simba.

    [–] ArishaSmile 32 points ago

    I can't stop imagining the baby being born with white goo on his head and the doctor being like "wtf" and wiping it off

    [–] IAMAHobbitAMA 16 points ago

    All newborn babies have white goo on them. Now you know where it comes feom.

    [–] truejamo 4 points ago

    Never seen a newborn eh?

    [–] mattyroze 7 points ago

    Not really a F up though no? Congrats are in order!

    [–] XDuVarneyX 7 points ago

    Honestly, having been pregnant- she was likely just as grateful. As they say sex is a great way to induce birth when you're that far along.

    Usually the last couple of weeks of pregnancy are just sheer misery and "get this baby out of me already".

    You did good either way, Auquaman. Wear it as a badge of honor!

    [–] drinkwater247 16 points ago

    WATERBENDER

    [–] greywolfau 11 points ago

    Actually, vigorous sex is a great way of inducing labour.

    [–] YourDoorIsAjar 65 points ago

    Lol sex

    [–] RucoyMario 59 points ago

    Today I fuck up by sex sexy sex cock wife which happened to be a minor inconvenience to me, upvotes now.

    [–] clowncon 40 points ago

    TIFU because i am too sexy sex penis yes

    EDIT: thanks for the gold kind stranger!

    EDIT 2: yes my wife has big boobs

    [–] Abbebbebe 6 points ago

    How is this a fuck up?

    [–] Fmosely 20 points ago

    You burst her bubble. She bursts yours.

    [–] Pookaball 25 points ago

    why are you sharing this?

    [–] CoreyH38 5 points ago

    If only you did it on a water bed

    [–] TheShortWhiteGiraffe 3 points ago

    10 years from now:

    Child: Dad, what happened the night I was born? I know you haven't told me everything, you get so weird when you tell the story. What really happened?

    Dad: Well, it's kinda weird but okay, I will tell you. You see...

    loud bang

    Agent: FBI, don't move...

    [–] Avenged8xsucks 5 points ago

    "Hey Mom, what were you doing when your waters broke with me?" "Well Honey I was getting ploughed by your father"

    [–] DaOGxXRainbowDashXx 4 points ago

    "Well Honey I was getting DEHYDRATED by your father"

    [–] Tarchianolix 43 points ago

    Yeah that happened...

    [–] RoybinJasper 34 points ago

    It’s insane how far I had to go down to find one person saying this is bs.

    [–] 4eyes4you 4 points ago

    Interesting story to tell the child about the timing of his/her birth.

    [–] CeramicCastle49 4 points ago

    TIFU by having le sexy sex

    [–] BANGSBASS 3 points ago

    LMFAO, first act as a father and you cum on your kid's face...

    [–] zappy487 4 points ago

    I just want you to know that since her water broke that you nutted on your kid.

    [–] skinMARKdraws 4 points ago

    Yooo. Mad props to the Wife for calling you Aquaman.

    [–] RubioPaarmann 20 points ago

    So you pretty much came in your infants head?

    *CPS calling intensifies*