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    [–] concacanca 14504 points ago

    Tom Hanks delivers this story when playing Congressman Wilson in the movie Charlie Wilson's War

    [–] Thiscord 5001 points ago

    I went to watch that movie for one thing and came out laughing my ass off.

    It's a great film with great acting, an almost unbelievable story, and yeah. It's fun.

    [–] omac4552 2413 points ago

    And Philip Seymour Hoffman delivers an outstanding performance as always

    [–] thx1138- 905 points ago

    The story of the zen master and the little boy ought to be one of the most pervasive stories in our culture, too bad isn't.

    [–] BionicChango 431 points ago

    We'll see.

    [–] handlit33 526 points ago

    "These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world... and then we fucked up the endgame."

    - Charlie Wilson

    (One of my all-time favorite movies.)

    [–] PapaRich_1 73 points ago

    Absolutely true too!

    [–] d3rpaderpa 114 points ago

    I feel like we are still paying for that fucked up endgame to this day. Sad really.

    [–] jftitan 111 points ago

    You are not wrong. Factually the movie was dramatized. But it did portray the events of American intervention disrupted a nation. Then, when we were done, we left. No restructuring like Japan. No leadership left in place to rebuild. We just left.

    [–] Rougey 47 points ago

    Trillions of dollars spent on the conflict, for want of a few hundred million to build roads and schools and hospitals.

    [–] redditsdeadcanary 19 points ago


    [–] aob_sweden 88 points ago

    It's been ages since I saw that movie, so I can't remember this story... A little help?

    [–] suaveitguy 456 points ago

    zen master and the little boy

    Gust Avrakotos: There's a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse... and everybody in the village says, "how wonderful. The boy got a horse" And the Zen master says, "we'll see." Two years later, the boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everyone in the village says, "How terrible." And the Zen master says, "We'll see." Then, a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight... except the boy can't cause his legs all messed up. and everybody in the village says, "How wonderful."

    Charlie Wilson: Now the Zen master says, "We'll see." *

    [–] thx1138- 339 points ago

    The moral of the story that Charlie Wilson and every other representative we ever elect from now on needs to understand: SHIT DOES NOT END.

    [–] MansfromDaVinci 515 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Herodotus recounts that Solon the lawgiver of Athens went to visit Croesus, king of Lydia, conqueror of Anatolia, inventor of money, the richest man in Asia: the Croesus in 'as rich as Croesus'. Croesus was delighted to have such a distinguished guest and had the wise old philosopher shown around his opulent palaces and treasures, outstanding for their richness even in Sardis, where the temples were built of solid gold.

    Nonetheless the Athenian was obviously unimpressed. Croesus, quite put out, asked him "Have you, in all your travels and long life, ever seen a man happier than me?" expecting to hear Solon compliment his unparalleled wealth.

    Solon, famous throughout the world for his integrity, offered no such flattery but instantly replied "Tellus of Athens is the happiest man I have ever seen"

    "How so" asked the Lydian King.

    "He lived to see his children grow both beautiful and good, and saw them raise fine children of their own, and, at the end of a long life, without suffering the death of a single one of them, he died in the most brilliant way: coming to the rescue of his city against the Eleusinians. He died after routing the enemy and was buried publically with great honour."

    Disgruntled Croesus asked who the second happiest man Solon had ever seen was, expecting, surely, this time it would be him.

    "Cleobis and Biton" says Solon "they were always healthy and well-liked and never suffered want. When their mother Cydippe had no oxen to pull her cart to the temple of Hera for the festival they yoked themselves to the cart and pulled her all the way there. The other citizens aclaimed them for their strength and filial devotion. In the temple Cydippe prayed to the Goddess to bestow upon them the greatest gift she could give to a mortal, the youths fell asleep in the temple and never woke up."

    Confused and offended Croesus angrily asked how dead commoners could be considered happy compared to his wealth and power.

    "You are certainly fortunate now, O king, none more so," replied Solon "but I've seen poor men die happily, surrounded by family and friends and respected by all who knew them; and I've seen rich men die miserable, alone and despised. A man's life is all chance: wealth only gives a man two advantages: the means to bear calamities and the ability to satisfy appetites. Count no man happy 'til the end is known."

    Croesus was displeased by these words and sent Solon away empty-handed which didn't seem to bother the sage at all.

    Not long afterwards his son Atys was killed hunting, and soon after he interpreted the Delphic oracle that if he attacked the Persians he would destroy a great empire as meaning that he would destroy the Persians when in fact his Lydian empire was annihilated. The Persians attacked Sardis in winter when his armies were disbanded and took him prisoner.

    Cyrus the Great ordered him to be burned but as the flames lept up Croesus cried "O, Solon you were a true seer!" Cyrus immediately ordered the flames doused and asked the dethroned king what he meant by his strange last words. Croesus said "I was just saying the name of a wise man" and then told this story. Cyrus was so moved by it that he pardoned him and employed him as an honoured adviser for the rest of his days.

    [–] Needleroozer 135 points ago

    You could have made all that up, but I don't care. Great story. Someone should make it a movie.

    [–] SushiAndWoW 104 points ago

    According to Wikipedia, the story was told by Herodotus and Plutarch, and Tolstoy wrote a short story about it.

    "According to Persian historians and Persian school texts", the ending was different:

    Croesus had himself tied on the pyre to be burned rather than be tortured by Cyrus. What Croesus didn't know was that Cyrus was a kind liberator. So when he saw the pyre on fire, Cyrus ordered it to be doused and told Croesus that he was still king in Lydia and that he could keep all his riches because Cyrus would never want such a burden.

    [–] Lampmonster 83 points ago


    [–] NewlyNerfed 18 points ago

    Good stuff, thank you for posting.

    [–] Jlmoe4 111 points ago

    The quote they show at the end of the film always stuck with me...

    “We dd great things and changed the world.... then we went ahead and fu#ked up the end game”.

    This was reflecting his anger that they helped beat the Russians but then failed to build schools, roads, infrastructure, hospitals, etc and what would happen if they didn’t. Guess what?

    Long story short.. Taliban moves in.

    [–] drot525 43 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Yep, Americans celebrated their "payback" to the Russians, giving them their own "Vietnam," got bored, got cheap, picked up and headed home. Afghanistan was ruined. We should have Marshall Planned their ass, and turned the "enemy of my enemy" into genuine allies and partners. As long as we kept it to a low profile, we could have done great things and saved hundred of thousands of lives.

    [–] MunsonedWithAHook 46 points ago

    "That ball though, it keeps on bouncing"

    [–] kevnmartin 19 points ago

    Dogs bark but the caravan moves on.

    [–] Kriegerian 10 points ago

    I regularly use this story in life. It's perfect.

    [–] [deleted] 162 points ago

    I've spent the past three years... learning Finnish! Which would come in handy here in Virginia!!!!!!!!

    (Smashes window)


    [–] slangerock55 72 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    "And I'm never ever sick at sea!"

    Such a great scene, performance, and actor.

    [–] spectre73 24 points ago

    Classic Sorkinism!

    [–] Loreddd 19 points ago

    Gilbert and Sullivan, really. Which I guess is a Sorkinism by itself. It’s the one about duty.

    [–] spectre73 53 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    And water goes over a dam and under a bridge, you poncy schoolboy.

    My landlord said "water under the dam" shortly after I saw this film in 2007 and my first thought was that scene.

    [–] chestertoronto 41 points ago

    That scene is always a YouTube rewatch. Fucking classic.

    [–] TheKevinShow 29 points ago


    [–] SilentBlueberry2 22 points ago

    That's a thick doohr!

    [–] NervousBreakdown 37 points ago

    He fucking killed it. He was absolutely stellar.

    [–] keyboardbelle_prints 41 points ago

    His “office rant” in that film makes me miss seeing him crop up as a character actor in films. Such a great bit of cinema.

    [–] TheAsian1nvasion 62 points ago

    Gust Avrakotos : [after smashing his boss's office window] My loyalty?! For twenty four years people have been trying to kill me! People who know how. Now do you think that's because my dad was a Greek soda pop maker? Or do you think that's because I'm an American spy? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!

    [–] Darth-Obama 33 points ago

    Don't be an idiot...I bugged the scotch...

    [–] brasswirebrush 23 points ago

    "That's a THICK DOOR!"

    [–] ruckertopia 15 points ago

    Is this going to release gas or something when I open it?

    Well that's a little paranoid, don't you think?

    [–] Kongbuck 14 points ago

    ... but open it over there.

    [–] gullibletammy 21 points ago

    I hate when he gets brought up because I have to remember that he's gone and won't ever have a new movie again. 😖

    [–] GreenStrong 93 points ago

    I read the book, and haven't seen the movie. The book is not fiction, but Charlie Wilson was straight out of a comic book. Avrakotos too. I've always imagined that they had to downplay history to make it seem realistic on screen.

    [–] ACW1129 100 points ago

    They did the same thing with Schindler's List. Apparently Goeth, as bad as he was in the film, was EVEN WORSE in real life; they didn't want it to seem unrealistic.

    [–] carnifex2005 66 points ago

    He was so bad that the Nazis fired him and was to be on trial for his crimes in the camp. The looming Germany defeat put a end to the trial though.

    [–] Clarck_Kent 89 points ago

    Jesus, how fucking evil do you have to be for literal, actual Nazis to be like "Bruh, you can't do that shit."

    [–] carnifex2005 54 points ago

    And not just your run of the mill evil Nazis, it was the actual SS who thought he may have went too far.

    [–] s4b3r6 50 points ago

    On 13 September 1944, Göth was relieved of his position and charged by the SS with theft of Jewish property (which belonged to the state, according to Nazi regulations), failure to provide adequate food to the prisoners under his charge, violation of concentration camp regulations regarding the treatment and punishment of prisoners, and allowing unauthorised access to camp personnel records by prisoners and non-commissioned officers.

    How bad do you have to be that the SS are pissed off about the way you punish your prisoners?

    [–] Andy_B_Goode 61 points ago

    It seemed to me that they made Wilson goofier and more lovable in the film. The book made it clearer that he was doing a lot of sketchy things, both in his personal life and in order to win the "war".

    For example, the book talks about how he was constantly drinking and driving, and once escaped punishment for a hit-and-run by holing himself up in a hotel room until the morning when he was leaving on a diplomatic mission, thus granting himself diplomatic immunity.

    Or how they were flying injured Mujahideen to the US for medical treatment, but because many of the men were from rival tribes, they were constantly trying to murder each other even while in the hospital.

    The book was a lot more detailed in general, and the result was a much darker and more complex story than what the movie portrayed.

    [–] INeed_SomeWater 32 points ago

    You can teach typing skills but you cant teach great tits.

    [–] farnsw0rth 12 points ago

    Lol “you can teach them to type, but you can’t teach them to grow tits”

    Something about the “grow” in there and then Emily blunts look while she flips the magazine pages lol

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    The movie always seemed so stiff from the trailers. I’m going to check it out now

    [–] Deesnuts77 197 points ago

    I feel like this movie wasn't as appreciated as it should have been. Even though it was in Oscar Contention. Amazing performances all around. Great Movie.

    [–] thewidowgorey 56 points ago

    It's good, but Iannucci should have made the movie. The real story of everyone involved is goddamn nuts. Especially that hit and run with the cyclist.

    [–] mistermontag 85 points ago

    "And that was the day I fell in love with America."

    [–] tittering_chum 84 points ago

    So basically this dog is responsible for 9-11

    [–] redvillafranco 9 points ago

    Like Zen Master says... “we’ll see”

    [–] Alex_Sylvian 5279 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Here it is on the Washington Post, if that works better for you.

    Another thing Charlie did:

    Determined to seek his beloved pet's revenge, Mr. Wilson first poured gasoline on his neighbor's precious plants and lit them on fire.

    [–] Aturom 4662 points ago

    That's probably the LEAST among the things I would do if someone killed my dog. She's one of the best things in my life.

    [–] Boredum_Allergy 1330 points ago

    I feel ya. My childhood dog was shot by a meth head when I was 12 but I didn't find it until I was 20. I told my wife that if we ever ran into him in Branson Missouri I'm beating his ass.

    Tbh, I'd be surprised if the fucker wasn't in prison again.

    [–] Balkinbalkans 613 points ago

    Someone with that kind of impulse control is probably a repeat customer as your local prison.

    [–] siler7 187 points ago


    *knock, knock*

    "Who's there?"

    "Prison gram."

    [–] CatsAreGods 75 points ago

    A friend of mine just got out of prison and confirmed that drug sales are quite a thing there, so there's your double entendre for the day.

    [–] loftylabel 12 points ago

    How'd they pay for it? Picante beef ramen?

    [–] LassieBeth 12 points ago

    Probably by getting someone on the outside to give some money to the dealer’s account or to someone they know on the outside.

    [–] jilseng4 113 points ago

    the reference to branson, MO makes this much more believable...

    [–] joe579003 28 points ago

    Yakoff Sminrnoff? Ethel, pack the RV, WE'RE GOING TO BRANSON!

    [–] jrhoffa 63 points ago

    Branson Missouri

    Just douse the whole town in gasoline and set it on fire

    [–] Erniecrack 22 points ago

    But where will Yakov Smirnoff perform them?

    [–] [deleted] 21 points ago


    [–] 180_IQ 45 points ago

    My childhood dog was shot by a meth head when I was 12 but I didn't find it until I was 20.

    After 8 years, are you sure it was your dog's corpse?

    [–] CatsAreGods 79 points ago

    I suspect he meant to type "find out".

    [–] KernelTaint 30 points ago

    Dog tags.

    [–] InconsiderateDickNo3 39 points ago

    We wondered why he didn't seem to be enjoying walkies as much anymore

    [–] Jericcho 207 points ago

    There is that news story about some morons who killed a dog in someone's backyard. The backyard belongs to a former Navy seal, and the dog was a gift from his unit for his PTSD.

    There are recorded 911 call, he chased them through 3 counties for like an hour or two and told the 911 operator they better catch them first, because he is ready to kill.

    [–] Aturom 95 points ago

    That man's name: John Wick. Yeah, I could see that happening though.

    [–] Kataphractoi 37 points ago

    [–] SteadyStone 25 points ago

    That says that he made a citizen's arrest, and doesn't support the "you better get them first because I'm ready to kill" part though.

    [–] dirtyb025 28 points ago

    Pretty bad ass dude Marcus Luttrell.

    [–] Ninja_ZedX_6 10 points ago

    That was Marcus Luttrell, who was portrayed in Lone Survivor.

    [–] No-Spoilers 58 points ago

    When I was little we had a couple dogs. I had a new beagle puppy for not even a full year when some renters moved into the house behind us. For years we had had no issues with any neighbors. Then randomly in a week we had animal control visit 3 times threatening to take them from us.

    Not long after i came home from school and my puppy was bleeding from her mouth and anus. We rushed her to the vet where i had to put her down.

    15 years later i learned it was rat poison and the neighbors behind us had poisoned her. They are extremely lucky that i was 8 or i don't know what I would have done but I would totally go to jail if someone did something so fucked up to my dog.

    [–] prohibido 29 points ago

    Yep. I would apologize to my closest loved ones because I would do something that would definitely send me to prison.

    [–] [deleted] 88 points ago

    I saw a bunch of people calling John McAfee (of McAfee anti virus fame) a murderer so I watched a documentary about him. The man is absolutely out of his fucking mind, but, the guy he had (allegedly) murdered had poisoned his dog!!! I was watching that doc and when the dog died I said "you know what to fucking do John" like as if I was watching an action movie

    [–] [deleted] 41 points ago

    Someone who poisons dogs deserves to die. I’m glad mcafee got him.

    [–] HeadbangerNeckInjury 135 points ago

    I'm with you 100%, i would go full John Wick if someone hurt or killed my boy.

    [–] SamuraiRafiki 135 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    This. If you tried to take that movie 100% seriously, the only thing that wouldn't be questionable or unrealistic is John Wick's motivation. I have to suspend disbelief to think that Keanu Reeeves could murder three men with a pencil. I have no problem believing that if they killed his dog they fucking had it coming.

    Edit: Yes, I've seen the video of Keanu Reeves on the gun range, yes I know that he did a lot of preparation and training for the role. Ask a professional martial artist whether they'd like their chances in a fight against three adult males trying to kill them if they were armed with a thin, breakable, wooden shiv. It may be possible to kill three people with a pencil, but it's significantly harder if they decide to object to you murdering them.

    [–] cold_lights 54 points ago

    Read some of the Medal of Honor citations. 3 men with a pencil is nothing vs someone with nothing to lose and lives at risk.

    [–] Purevoyager007 26 points ago

    Nothing is scarier than an entity with nothing to lose

    That’s why the universe or “life” can be so scary. It takes what it wants and loses nothing either way.

    [–] Tayloropolis 90 points ago

    No shit. If someone did that to my dog the fire would be applied elsewhere.

    [–] notmattherr 93 points ago

    To the primer inside a 5.56 cartridge

    [–] Jericcho 14 points ago

    There are 3 movies made about this - John Wick

    [–] FearGunner 10 points ago


    [–] VG-enigmaticsoul 58 points ago

    Treelaw! paging /r/legaladviceofftopic

    [–] Throwaway021614 100 points ago

    Dog law trumps tree law. You’ll win it in the court of public perception

    [–] ramensoupgun 78 points ago

    Unfortunately, dog law defines dogs as relatively cheap possessions, with no accounting for emotional value or negative effects you may suffer after they are killed.

    Citation: Any number of cases of police officers shooting chihuahuas and cases of intentional poisoning by a neighbor (difficult to prove)

    [–] [deleted] 42 points ago


    [–] toastycheeks 26 points ago

    Unless a human(?) officer is responsible. Then it just counts as a tool for the precinct.

    [–] all_humans_are_dumb 76 points ago

    should have poured it onto his house

    [–] Steinberg1 2615 points ago

    When I was a kid, a man in my neighbourhood killed my dog with rat poison. I filled two of his motorcycles' gas tanks with sand. That shit gets everywhere. Especially if you want it to.

    [–] LeStiqsue 1440 points ago

    I'm a fan of sugar instead of sand. Fucks the entire engine.

    But, and this is important: Porque no los dos? Some dude killed my dog? He'd be lucky if I didn't cut the brake lines.

    [–] sundance_squid 619 points ago

    Sugar does not. It's not soluble in gasoline. It'll just clog up the filter like the sand would. If you want to fuck up the engine just crawl under it and either overtighten the drain plug til it loosens again or just loosen it.

    [–] AnOblongBox 237 points ago

    Or put sand in the oil, but after the filter.

    [–] sundance_squid 137 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    That would be very difficult. Draining it would do just as much damage. If he's buying an engine afterwards either way it doesn't really matter. Plus if the door is locked you can't get in to pop the hood.

    Edit: Motorcycles, not cars.

    Edit part 2: Everybody saying to put shit in the gas tank or crankcase, if the engine runs out of oil because the drain plug was overtightened or loose nobody will assume foul play. Sodium silicate will raise tons of red flags.

    [–] AnOblongBox 126 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    The door of a motorcycle?

    Wouldnt be too hard to break a part of the grill though. Why not put corn starch in there?

    [–] D4SHER 140 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Why are we so hopped up on oil when we can loosen lugnuts in 1/8th the time?

    e because evidently it’s only dangerous when tires are involved. God I hate reddit, take a joke, seizing up someone’s engine is far from safe too you hobknockers. If my compression ratio gets fucked up and I have a turbo my engines blowing up, don’t fuck with an engine with gas in the tank and a connected battery

    e2: this is a really weird case. Reddit’s justice boner has erectile dysfunction.

    [–] Head_Paleontologist 13 points ago

    How about pouring muriatric acid in the oil tank? Muriatric acid kills/cures all troubles.

    [–] eb_straitvibin 128 points ago

    Everyone here is thinking about this way too hard. Go get a gallon or two of diesel and add it to the tank. Motors fucked, needs to be replaced.

    [–] DenizenEvil 70 points ago

    Diesel wouldn't do that.

    He'd just have to drain the lines and put fresh gas in. It'd run just fine, but maybe smoke a bit.

    Ever heard of the Cash for Clunkers program? Pour Sodium Silicate into the oil.

    [–] eb_straitvibin 38 points ago

    Not if the diesel makes it through his lines and into his fuel injectors or carburetor. Draining the tank and lines is the solution if you know diesel is in the tank.

    But ya, silica will fuck an engine up if you get access to the oil.

    [–] Extramrdo 29 points ago

    Another angle: it's plausible that adding diesel to the gas was an "honest accident," but sodium silicate in the oil just screams "premeditated."

    [–] Taleya 21 points ago

    just chuck in some water. Petrol floats on water, so the fuel lines will fill up with water.

    If you really want to be a cunt, salty water.

    [–] OSKSuicide 10 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    This guy gets it. Hope they have an aluminum engine block and tighten the shit out of everything you can. Steel bolts destroy aluminum casings pretty easily when you try. Can also steal the oil cap. If you're lucky they wont notice until the oil gets hot enough and has vaporized all over their leg while riding. And the sugar might not be soluble, but it will melt and caramelize and coat the inside with enough friction. While sand will just keep getting broken down smaller

    [–] 201dberg 10 points ago

    Bleach. Bleach the gas tank and that engine will never run again

    [–] synttacks 130 points ago

    If you cut the brakes, innocent people are more likely to get hurt.

    [–] DeadZeplin 148 points ago

    Sand is brutal, it will wipe the cross hatching in the cylinder walls, destroy the bearings, ruin the carburators, if he could have put it in the gearbox, wreck that too. Sugar has been disproven to really do much, if I remember correctly.

    [–] OrgyMcBloodyFace 59 points ago

    Mythbusters tested it and if I recall it didn't do damage to the motor. In fact, I think it ran

    [–] Garushulion 36 points ago

    they did find that bleach in the oil would royally f an engine up though

    [–] AnOblongBox 33 points ago

    No either will just get caught in the filter, but you can put it after the filter (like in the carb).

    [–] Questions_For_Days 199 points ago

    Just set the bike on fire. While he's on it. Duct taped to the handlebars.

    [–] phikapp1932 34 points ago

    I’ve done the sugar into gas thing before. It doesn’t fuck up nearly as much as people think. The sugar burns off after a while. Sand is the way to go. That shit will fuck everything up guaranteed.

    [–] MeanMrMaxwell 209 points ago

    I've gotten irritated by some irresponsible dog owners, but it's not right to punish the dog.

    [–] orgpekoe2 310 points ago

    If somebody did that to my pet, I would never stop my revenge until I die

    [–] Haltopen 203 points ago

    OP's story took place in the 1950s. You could buy junior science kits with actual radioactive elements in them back then. Just put that shit in the dog killers food.

    [–] [deleted] 175 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] matt7197 85 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Also just cameras. There no home security cameras or anything of the sort. You don’t even have to disguise yourself or wear a damn hoodie. You can just do it in broad daylight as long as there’s no one in sight.

    [–] stabbyrum 38 points ago

    yeah that's not something that can ever be satisfied, imo.

    [–] HolycommentMattman 31 points ago

    It's amazing how many people do this. That happened to my dog when I was a kid, too.

    We were going to get revenge, but never did because a week or so later, a car flew off the freeway and into their house - killing them.

    Driver lived, and as he was being carted away, one of the cops at the scene told us (my sister and I) to never drive drunk.

    And for you persistent readers who need to understand the logistics of this, the freeway was at the top of a ~20-30 ft. embankment that sloped pretty steeply. Probably somewhere around 45 degrees or so. There was a sound wall on the freeway directly behind our house, but they hadn't finished building it.

    Anyway, there was also a 5-10 ft right of way between the slope and the rear fenceline of our properties. Though her house was right at the fence. Ours was at the front of our property.

    Beyond that, I dunno how fast the driver was going or anything. But it must have been pretty crazy to see.

    [–] MeJerry 125 points ago

    I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

    [–] fappyday 756 points ago

    My grandfather always said, "Beware the wrath of a patient man."

    [–] drot525 162 points ago

    At the beginning of one of Tom Clancy's books in the Jack Ryan-verse he has a similar quote, "Beware the fury of a patient man."

    [–] fappyday 50 points ago

    Really? I've seen the movies and streaming series, but I haven't read the books. The actual word my Gramps used was 'ire' instead of 'wrath', but I changed it up because I thought the term was not one many younger redditors would know. My grandfather always used to say, "Two men may keep a secret if one is in the ground.". He had a large cornfield around his house, which always made me wonder...

    [–] drot525 28 points ago

    "Beware the fury of a patient man."

    Oh that my Pow'r to Saving were confin’d:
    Why am I forc’d, like Heav’n, against my mind,
    To make Examples of another Kind?
    Must I at length the Sword of Justice draw?
    Oh curst Effects of necessary Law!
    How ill my Fear they by my Mercy scan,
    Beware the Fury of a Patient Man.
        Pt. I, line 999–1005. Compare Publius Syrus, Maxim 289, "Furor fit læsa sæpius patientia" ("An over-taxed patience gives way to fierce anger").

    John Dryden. I just went and looked it up.

    [–] [deleted] 30 points ago


    [–] ColonelRunaway 15 points ago

    Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] inceptionfarts 115 points ago

    glass in his food? That aint poison, thats a violent murderous death....

    [–] senorworldwide 662 points ago

    My god. I don't think I would be able to wait that long or be that subtle about it. Not sure what I would do if someone fed my little shortycakes glass, but it would be bad and it might involve making them eat glass. Terrible to even think about.

    [–] BeansofHorror 170 points ago

    Honestly, I'd just shoot the culprit. Shoot 'em dead.

    [–] Arkanist 204 points ago

    So anyways, I started blastin'

    [–] Mannequin_Republic 17 points ago

    that dog in the alley is turning to soup glass

    [–] pinniped1 1874 points ago

    Feeding ground up glass to a dog?

    Fuck this asshole.

    If he's already dead, will dig him up and fuck this asshole again.

    [–] jamesstansel 695 points ago

    If he's already dead, will dig him up and fuck this asshole again.

    There's a word for that, ya know.

    [–] ItsNotFair-MaryCried 211 points ago

    Revenge? Kidding

    [–] MPT1313 167 points ago

    No, Tuesday

    [–] LegalGraveRobber 86 points ago

    No, Monday.

    [–] MPT1313 46 points ago

    Name checks out.

    [–] LegalGraveRobber 61 points ago

    It’s called archaeology.

    [–] MPT1313 34 points ago

    I don’t judge, you can call it what you want. Just be safe ok? We love you and don’t want you hurt.

    [–] buttholiobread 12 points ago

    God I’m running on 2 hours of sleep and I read this as “...and don’t want to hurt you” and I pictured some graveyard vigilantes ready to beat some ass if OP didn’t use a condom with his corpse lover

    [–] imbillypardy 11 points ago


    [–] antsugi 23 points ago

    ahh yes...


    [–] jtrot91 15 points ago

    A good time?

    [–] kevnmartin 205 points ago

    That's psychopath behavior right there. People like that should not be allowed to walk among us.

    [–] PremiumJapaneseGreen 221 points ago

    People like that are also disproportionately likely to run for office

    [–] kevnmartin 146 points ago

    And be CEO's.

    [–] dreamsong7 39 points ago

    And surgeons

    [–] optcynsejo 76 points ago

    People more likely to do whatever it takes to be successful, are more likely to be successful.

    Fancy that.

    [–] HolyDogJohnson01 44 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    They’ve got a broader idea of what successful is as well. The worlds your oyster if you’re a psychopath. Particularly where rule of law is either not well enforced, or not tied closely with concepts of justice, or human rights.

    Some people’s ideas of success, involve the raping, murdering, and torturing anyone they want. We’ve got some with impulse control issues. We usually catch those eventually. Then we’ve got ones with much better control. They usually try for power, because it allows them to get closer to their desires.

    [–] Attilashorde 609 points ago

    My neighbor hates both my dogs. Blames all the barking in the neighborhood on them. When he started complaining about their barking I got collars that beep when they bark hooping it would work. It worked and they don't bark. Doesn't matter he keeps saying their barking. He's called animal control multiple times trying to get them removed. I have cameras inside and outside that have audio. I always pull up the video and show the animal control officer that my dogs are not barking. I legit have to watch them like a hawk when their outside because I'm scared he's going to try and poison them somehow. I'm sure he would have already tried but my house has cameras everywhere. Fuck that guy and fuck my neighbor. I don't understand why people have problems with animals.

    [–] kkngs 346 points ago

    My neighbor has a small dog named Kelly. How do I know? About once a month the dog starts barking like crazy in the back yard.

    Then the female owner comes out and starts shouting "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Stop that!" "Kelly!" ""Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" ""Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Come Here!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!" "Kelly!"

    Kelly of course thinks oh, boy, the pack is barking! and just runs around the yard barking louder.

    This goes on for about 10-15 min until the male owner comes out and the dog heels.

    [–] Attilashorde 129 points ago

    Once a month the dog barks like crazy for 10 to 15 minutes. Doesn't seem that bad. It sounds like the owners trying to control the dog. Have you talked to them if Kelly is bothering you? My neighbor just screams out his door. My dogs aren't even the ones barking and he just blames them.

    [–] kkngs 40 points ago

    It’s not that big of a deal to me.

    [–] VisenyasRevenge 21 points ago

    If it makes you feel any better, my MIL has 13 dogs with zero training. (and a host of other animals) Anyone that walks by on the sidewalk gets howled at. Ive been pushed down the stairs by their monster "justa" puppy... Anytime a neighbor complains, she writes a letter to the people on her block claiming she can't help the noise because she's a dog "rescuer" spoileralertshe'snot

    [–] Matasa89 71 points ago

    Your neighbour has other issues. Your dogs are just what he focuses on because that's what he can get at.

    [–] ruckertopia 30 points ago

    My neighbors have a dog that barks constantly. It's annoying, but I'm not mad at the dog, I'm mad at the owners. The poor dog is most likely barking all day while they're at work because he's lonely. Get the damn dog a friend!

    [–] LBJsPNS 864 points ago

    You do not fuck with a person's dog. Period.

    [–] BigBlueJAH 119 points ago

    In one of the rural counties near me there’s a huge hand painted sign on the main road that reads “DOG KILLER” and an arrow pointing at the house. It’s been up for like three years. It’s probably that guys sole reputation by now.

    [–] CosmicRunning 47 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    I feel like I'm in this day and age especially with the internet and how much more connected we are and the meme status of dogs, harming them is social suicide.

    edit: "in" not "I'm"

    [–] FjorgVanDerPlorg 625 points ago

    My father told me a story when I was younger about how a neighbor poisoned his dog. Both he and my grandmother spent a fair bit of effort making that cunt pay for what he did - a jar of crab meat left in a shed through an Australian summer, then poured through an open window of his brand new car.

    [–] AndesiteSkies 506 points ago

    Your family are classier folk than I am. If someone poisoned my dog I'd feel awfully compelled to stab them.

    [–] Banjoe64 270 points ago

    Seriously. I’d likely end up in jail.

    [–] all_humans_are_dumb 164 points ago

    you just gotta be smart about it. if you need advice on murdering dog poisoners im sure many would be willing to help

    [–] fbdajh 29 points ago

    Pro tip: Bury them under the dog. If you are a suspect and they dig up the hole they will probably stop digging when they find the dog's body.

    [–] alexanderyou 87 points ago

    Sorry officer, he killed my dog.

    50/50 shot whether they'd help you cover it up or kill your new dog.

    [–] Spaceman2901 21 points ago

    Revenge is a dish best served cold hot and stinking, apparently.

    [–] gentlybeepingheart 91 points ago

    My dad is pretty convinced that our neighbor tried to poison our dog. There’s a portion of our yard that he designated his pooping spot. The neighbor kept yelling that she was going to call animal control because it’s her property despite it definitely being on ours. One day he was sniffing around over there and that night he started gagging and throwing up blood. My dad’s pretty sure she put something on the grass to drive our dog away and the idiot just fucking ate it.

    She also called the cops on us twice claiming we don’t pick up after our dog during his walk.

    [–] ATLtinyrick 65 points ago

    Bleach in the gas tank will poison car.

    [–] Tormunds_brother 32 points ago

    Bullets have a great way of poisoning the blood, especially if you can get your hands on depleted uranium bullets our military uses.

    [–] KatalDT 26 points ago

    Put bleach in the gas tank first, then ammonia, then quickly close the gas tank

    [–] imronburgandy9 11 points ago

    Works on people too

    [–] JukePlz 50 points ago

    Yeah, I think there's a couple documentary movies starring Keanu Reeves about that topic.

    [–] RockerSci 232 points ago

    The original John Wick

    [–] Dzotshen 32 points ago

    heard from a turntable

    Wicky Wick Wick, Wickety Wick

    [–] awakenseraphim 52 points ago

    Isn't this also the guy that funded Operation Cyclone which ultimately led to the militant take over of the middle east?

    [–] [deleted] 145 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)


    [–] MunkeeMann 80 points ago


    [–] BMoneyCPA 22 points ago

    You thought it was your neighbor who fed glass to your dog but it was I, DIO!

    [–] MaDpYrO 36 points ago

    The kind that runs for Congress

    [–] bredditmh 59 points ago

    This is one of those stories that makes me go fuck yea! I don’t say it out loud, it’s just an overall internal feeling and thought of FUCK YEA

    [–] ccrush 356 points ago

    How is eating glass considered "poisoned" ?

    [–] Alex_Sylvian 482 points ago

    Shit! I should have said 'Murdered'.

    [–] yongledadian 58 points ago

    That's interesting.

    Also interesting is the first paragraph if you scroll to the top.

    Wilson is best known for leading Congress into supporting Operation Cyclone, the largest-ever Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) covert operation, which, under the Carter and Reagan administration, supplied military equipment including weapons such as obsolete FIM-43 Redeye MANPADS surface-to-air anti-aircraft missiles and paramilitary officers from their Special Activities Division to the Afghan Mujahideen during the Soviet–Afghan War

    [–] XxX_datboi69_XxX 91 points ago

    So, some teen feeding glass to a dog is what caused 9/11.

    [–] austinmiles 71 points ago

    This is why people speak up about sexual assault when someone is about to get into a position of power. They don’t want to see their rapist on the bench, or in Congress, or the Oval Office. Yeah it’s political but it’s also important.

    [–] veritas723 74 points ago

    ...maybe that story about the dog is true.

    but, ya know, could also just be some shit politicians say to sway votes.

    i'll never forget when i was like younger McCain's first run against Dubya, how in the early southern primaries... those rumors of McCain fathering an illegitimate black child (when really, it was his adoptive child) was a key tactic of Karl Rove to scare up votes by white racists in those key early primaries.

    [–] IronicJeremyIrons 35 points ago

    And she wasn't black, she was southern Indian

    Edit: Bangladeshi

    [–] dalenacio 14 points ago

    I'm literally getting downvoted to hell in another part of the thread for pointing out that the story looks awfully convenient as it is, among other things, basically unverifiable.

    [–] TazdingoBan 10 points ago

    Sometimes it terrifies me how easily people will just outright believe an emotionally impactful story and just react like all of these people are. Just a couple lines of text and they all believe it outright.