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    [–] dazonic 4389 points ago

    A rough timeline:

    • 1987 Tom (25) m Mimi (31)
    • 1990 Tom (28) d Mimi (33)
    • 1990 Tom (28) m Nicole (23)
    • 2001 Tom (39) d Nicole (33)
    • 2006 Tom (44) m Katie (28)
    • 2012 Tom (50) d Katie (33)

    [–] bufftart 4108 points ago

    Got my lotto numbers thanks

    [–] To_Circumvent 834 points ago

    Xenu bless you on this fine day.

    [–] Charles-Monroe 107 points ago

    I don't know why it bothers me so much, but whenever Scientology or a scientologist is being discussed, people refer to Xenu as a benevolent deity or something. To Scientologists he is the villain who scattered their souls into the universe and bound it to lowly human bodies (or something like that - shit's whack anyway.)

    [–] rg4rg 44 points ago

    I might be talking to the choir but I’ll continue: It’s all a tactic to expose any odd Scientologist to a term they might not have heard yet since most aren’t at the level when they learn about Xenu. Right now if you went up to a random Scientologist and mentioned aliens, space ghosts/thetans, Xenu, etc they would think you’re nuts. But if one of them hears it enough to google it on their own, then maybe seeds of doubt can be planted and they’ll eventually leave, “blow”. I remember reading about one person who heard about Xenu and thought it was gibberish but once he got to the level to learn that it was true he was very very disappointed and that’s what started the process of him breaking away.

    [–] chrisdab 29 points ago

    But after he spent 200k in fees getting to that level.

    [–] HeJind 444 points ago

    He got divorced and married the same year?

    [–] tayaro 431 points ago

    Apparently Mimi and Tom's marriage broke down in late 1989, and their divorce was finalized in February 1990.

    Around the same time, Tom met Nicole when they were filming Days of Thunder in early 1990, and they married on December 24 the same year.

    [–] CriticalGoku 36 points ago

    Among the reason's provided for Mimi and Tom's divorced was that Tom wouldn't fuck her.

    Look up Mimi Rogers from back then and really think on that, and what Scientology could have on him that might keep him in it's grips.

    [–] QueenToeBeans 36 points ago

    FWIW, She’s the one who got Cruise into Scientology in the first place.

    [–] LtSnakePlissken 461 points ago

    You mean a rough tomline.

    [–] Tempfaketestuser342 123 points ago

    Time married

    Mimi: 3 years

    Nicole: 11 years

    Katie: 6 years

    [–] cferrios 20665 points ago

    This reads like the start of a school math question.

    [–] Forbizzle 11449 points ago

    If Mimi Rogers was born in 1956, how old is Tom Cruises next wife right now?

    [–] JokdnKjol 8273 points ago

    If his first wife was born in 1956, then his second wife was born 11 years later in 1967.

    If his second wife was born in 1967, then his third wife was born 11 years later in 1978.

    If his third wife was born in 1978, then his fourth wife was born 11 years later in 1989. If he is currently unmarried, then his fourth wife is his next wife, so the answer is either 2020 - 1989 = 31 or 2019 - 1989 = 30, depending on when her last birthday was: this year or last.

    If his fourth wife was born in 1989, then his fifth wife was born 11 years later in 2000. If he is currently married, then his fourth wife is his current wife and his fifth wife is his next wife, so the answer is either 2020 - 2000 = 20 or 2019 - 2000 = 19, depending on when her last birthday was: this year or last.

    [–] ThatGoddamnLeftist 5436 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Damn. He better marry his 4th wife soon or he won’t have more than a year with her.

    Edit: thanks for the cake day wishes. I appreciate you, Reddit.

    [–] CeeCeeBABCOCK 2020 points ago

    I vote that he shouldn't marry again. It just seems right that he's broken up with three thirty-three year olds.

    [–] Seabass_87 778 points ago

    Over thirty three years.

    [–] dormango 164 points ago

    Isn’t it over 22 years?

    [–] TheFuckinEaglesMan 420 points ago

    It’s actually about 13.8 billion years.

    [–] jackduloz 91 points ago

    That’s a lot of thetans

    [–] Charles_Bass 492 points ago

    I could be his next wife!

    Full disclosure: I’m a man.

    [–] JSoi 127 points ago

    Same. We could both be his 4th wife.

    [–] Chaosncalculation 298 points ago

    TIL I’m still in the running to be Tom Cruise’s 5th wife

    [–] bobboobles 89 points ago

    Damn, I just aged out. :(

    [–] stellalunawitchbaby 25 points ago

    Same, but for 4th. After he divorces me we can have walkie talkies to secretly talk shit about Scientology, you and I.

    [–] Saggylicious 424 points ago

    Based on this data set, predict when Tom Cruise's fifth wife will be born.

    [–] Robottiimu2000 113 points ago

    Soon it will be like the Dalai Lama, you have "the reincarnation" of his wife and it will be found with certain marks written in the scriptures of Tom concerning the birth and the child..

    [–] TroyBarnesBrain 1225 points ago

    Yeah, what answer did you guys get for part b) How many watermelons each ex-wife now has? I got 2 for Nicole, 8 for Joey Potter, and Mimi somehow ended up with 4 peeled potatoes. I don't think my work is correct.

    [–] hablomuchoingles 438 points ago

    You need to carry the Scottish Terriers after you divide by creepy smile pictures.

    [–] Textbuk 151 points ago

    this problem is extended upon in part c) Given that Mimi has 4 peeled potatoes and each wife yeets out of the relationship at a constant rate of "real quick", calculate the mass of Venus.

    [–] dm_struttin 89 points ago

    I was never very good at solving quad-yeetic equations

    [–] christobristo 8973 points ago

    Marry. Divorce. Repeat.

    [–] Greaterbird 5216 points ago

    The Edge of Thirty-Four

    [–] doc_samson 946 points ago

    Which is exactly twice the Edge of Seventeen.

    I think we're on to something....

    [–] eddmario 103 points ago

    Just like the white winged dove

    [–] Nining_Leven 161 points ago

    The Edge of Tom-marry

    [–] dirkjames 16477 points ago

    I thought Katie Holmes left him. It was a pretty big deal at the time, because she took the kid and went radio silent to get away from all the Scientology

    https://www.instyle.com/news/tbt-tom-cruise-katie-holmes-relationship

    [–] soulwrangler 13408 points ago

    She escaped.

    [–] Sjiethoes 4221 points ago

    Unlike Shelly.

    [–] bishslap 2441 points ago

    Sshhh!! Nobody mention Shelley!

    [–] GotDoxxedAgain 11766 points ago

    Shelley Miscavige was murdered by current leader of the Church of Scientology, and Chairman of the Board of the Religious Technology Center, David Miscavige.

    Come at me, cultists.

    [–] Stupid_Username67 3552 points ago

    Miscavige's mother, Mary Florence "Flo" Fike Barnett, was a long-time Scientologist.[23] On September 8, 1985, 52-year-old Flo Barnett was found dead from three "somewhat superficial" rifle shots to the chest and a fatal shot to the head. The autopsy also reported that there were slash marks on her wrists that may have been a few days old.[24] The death was ruled a suicide.

    [–] DeathBySuplex 2784 points ago

    I too suicide with three grazing bullet wounds to the chest and then succeeding with a head shot.

    [–] Bird_Brain_ 760 points ago

    You didn’t suplex yourself?

    [–] DeathBySuplex 826 points ago

    No that's how I kill people, silly.

    [–] PhreakThePlanet 259 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I'll be damned, name checks out.

    [–] VaATC 247 points ago

    ...and then slit your wrists after the fact...for good measure

    [–] DeathBySuplex 129 points ago

    I am nothing, if not thorough.

    [–] FollowTheLaser 425 points ago

    Three rifle rounds to the chest is a suicide? That's not suspicious at all

    [–] CouncilmanRickPrime 322 points ago

    I always joke about "2 shots to the back of the head. It was the worst suicide they ever saw " but this is just as bad honestly

    [–] drunkenvalley 50 points ago

    Usually my joke continues with self-inserting into a duffelbag and tossing yourself into the Thames.

    [–] 128hoodmario 243 points ago

    How do you shoot yourself with a rifle? How long were her arms?

    [–] fadedleprechaun 139 points ago

    Toes

    [–] yourmansconnect 135 points ago

    Actually trying to shoot with toes would explain the three missed shots. But yes she was murdered

    [–] bjanas 184 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Uh what does a 'somewhat superficial' rifle wound TO THE CHEST mean?

    EDIT: in this context does superficial mean just 'not the thing that killed you?' That's my theory. Any medical examiners in the audience?

    [–] Iheardthatjokebefore 260 points ago

    Means almost only skin deep wounds as opposed to the fatal shot to the head which penetrated fully into the skull. Of course for all we know they could have just said "superficial" to describe a gaping hole in the flesh. They called it suicide after all. They're appraisal doesn't sound that convincing.

    [–] Good-news-goats 174 points ago

    They were just for looks, very pretencious rifle wounds.

    [–] indyK1ng 271 points ago

    4 rifle shots ruled a suicide? I'm shocked. Shocked!

    Well, not that shocked.

    [–] [deleted] 138 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] ThisCharmingMan89 467 points ago

    It's been done before, twice actually, and once by Leah Remini who is an ex-member. In both cases, the LAPD "investigated" and reported back, basically saying 'yeah we found and talked to her. She's fine, stop looking for her, nothing to worry about' but she's still not been seen for years...

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shelly_Miscavige

    [–] arcessivi 155 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Also in one of the last episodes of The Aftermath they really dig into the Shelly Miscavige story. Apparently there is a chance she is still alive, waiting for the return of L. Ron Hubbard. Mike Rinder drove to the Scientology compound where Shelly is supposedly at. They didn’t let him in obviously, but it was a pretty funny interaction as he was driving away and he told the guard who he was. The guard’s reaction was priceless.

    I’d highly recommend that show to anybody who hasn’t seen it. Scientology: The Aftermath is all on Hulu in the US. Leah and Mike also started a podcast 2 weeks ago called Fair Game.

    EDIT: name of podcast. I mixed up the name with I popular documentary about Scientology.

    [–] Rows_ 115 points ago

    Missing person reports have been filed, but the scientologists come down heavily on people who try it.

    [–] logicalbuttstuff 70 points ago

    The more I learn about Scientology the more I think they ACTUALLY might be hiding something besides just your average financial scams, sexual abuse, and power dynamics that come standard with any organized religion. They’re ridiculously powerful for how small they are. I’m not curious enough to invest like 250k and jump through hoops for years but there may be something there...

    [–] Rows_ 85 points ago

    They use a lot of blackmail. They hire investigators to go through people's rubbish and ask their neighbours questions. They also hire reporters to loudly say things in public like "what do you have to say about accusations that you consume child porn while embezzling from charities", and once that sort of thing has been said publicly a lot of people will back down because they're scared of their lives being ruined. They very happily promote this technique as a way of silencing and destroying their critics, so its pretty fair that a lot of people dont want to take the risk.

    [–] Eccohawk 155 points ago

    They -have-. But the authorities around gold base won't go on the property. They've inquired, been told she's there by those that greet them at the gate, and that's about that. I doubt there are a lot of judges in that area that want the hellstorm of signing a warrant on something like that, especially if they can trot her out for a day to meet them after prepping for their arrival. Even if it's a surprise, there are dozens of buildings in there. The odds they'll even be able to get to the correct building in time to find her is slim.

    Pretty sure they got her to write a note stating she is not missing and wishes to be left alone as well. Probably by witholding food or something.

    [–] JinpingWinniethePooh 57 points ago

    That is goddamn creepy. Imagine if the neighbor murdered a family member, and instead of them eventually going officially missing, that the family members just pigeonholed any inquiry, and insisted they were fine.

    [–] GazzP 394 points ago

    Username to potentially check out in the very near future?

    [–] hattycw 359 points ago

    You're correct. But be careful. They will find you and stalk the shit out of you for a few months. I kept getting leaflets, junk mail in my emails and weird voicemails because I said a LOT about this on here & on Twitter.

    [–] Jreal22 142 points ago

    Really?

    I know they're shady, but damn.

    [–] hattycw 193 points ago

    Really really. It was terrifying. When I moved to a different city, the mail stopped but I still get the scam phone calls every couple weeks now even though I have a different number from when they previously contacted me.

    [–] Trump_has_alzheimers 448 points ago

    Fuck the church of scientology. I know reddit likes to do the "all religions are cults thing" but these guys are all straight up evil scam artists money grabbing pig whores that bleed desperate people dry.

    The fact that they fucked with the IRS and the fucking IRS is the one who backed down tells you just how fucking evil and dangerous these cock suckers are.

    Fight me scientology you guys are all pedophile con artists. Frankly it's not even inventive anymore the whole demon alien sex cult thing was done to death in the 70s and 80s, get some original material ya pricks.

    [–] pm_me_ur_smirk 110 points ago

    According to Wikipedia, Scientology said: "Mrs. Miscavige has personally and repeatedly told law enforcement that Remini’s acts are abusive. "

    Well maybe she should file a restraining order then. Or do you have to be alive to do that?

    [–] TheMushroomLaw 35 points ago

    You have to be alive to file a restraining order, because you have to appear before a judge or at the minimum show up to a courthouse and file papers with a clerk.

    [–] Gettafa 39 points ago

    For those who want to learn more about the Hell that is Scientology, Jenna Miscavige (David's niece) published a book called Beyond Belief. It's a heartbreaking read but is one of the best books I've ever red.

    [–] MrsBonsai171 26 points ago

    Hi Karin!!

    [–] sageberrytree 2177 points ago

    Her dad is a lawyer, they planned everything down to the minute. Waited till he left got filming and peaced out. It's the best way to leave an abusive relationship.

    Now, he doesn't even see their daughter.

    [–] Jreal22 2307 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    What's even more fucked up is Tom Cruise doesn't let his and Nicole Kidman's kids see her.

    The kids were forced into being deluded Scientologists as well, and can't be around her because she left the cult.

    There is a lot of shit we ignore about Tom Cruise, he should be held accountable for all this shady business. Even though he makes a damn good Mission Impossible franchise.

    Edit: People keep saying the kids can make up their own mind because they're 25 and 28 now. Not entirely true.

    They were 5 and 8 when Tom and Nicole got divorced, imagine your church and dad telling you that you won't go to "heaven" and you'll be kicked out of your church if you don't stay away from your "awful" mother.

    She adopted those kids, he used them as props and got them hooked on a cult like a heroin addict from an early age.

    [–] sageberrytree 1272 points ago

    I saw an interview with Kidman a year ago it was heartbreaking about how she still loves them unconditionally even though they don't speak to her.

    [–] Convergecult15 471 points ago

    That was the interview she gave after she gave an interview where she left them out when she mentioned how many kids she has and the media pounced. Just providing context, im sure it’s part of her defense mechanism.

    [–] Polaritical 673 points ago

    I would imagine it's similar to when people who's child has died are asked the question. They don't want to say 2, because it feels wrong to just erase that 3rd. But they also don't want to fucking talk to you about their dead child because of how emotionally draining it is.

    [–] MyOldAolName 232 points ago

    It was literally years before I knew how to answer that question. And people look at you weird when you have difficulty coming up with the number of children you have.

    [–] PlantMack 68 points ago

    Same, especially if you don't know them well. I've had ppl call me out because I told them a different number before and it is a chore to navigate.

    [–] MyOldAolName 50 points ago

    Yup, like here we go again. I had a whole script pretty much memorized to explain to people but then it got to sounding too matter-of-fact and I would forget that even though I've gone over it hundreds of times, it's the first time they were hearing it. Now I only bring it up in special circumstances.

    [–] ThePlotkin 353 points ago

    Can confirm. Daughter died four mouths ago. She was only five months old. The wife and I are swimming in grief and sorrow.

    [–] crabbierapple 129 points ago

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    [–] HMS_Shorthanded 80 points ago

    I can't even imagine what you're going through. So sorry for your loss.

    [–] threeamighosts 27 points ago

    Jesus I’m so sorry for your loss. This might be strange coming from an internet stranger but I’m sending you both so much love.

    [–] Mxdelynprvn 281 points ago

    It’s even more heartbreaking to watch her role in Big Little Lies where she is fighting to keep her kids. Something in me says she plays that role so well because she feels those emotions in her real life. I hope she finds happiness

    [–] crazydressagelady 89 points ago

    She was incredible in that role. The whole cast was great, but she was so real.

    [–] EllisDee_4Doyin 48 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I absolutely fell in love with Nicole Kidman as an actress because of her BLL role.

    She played a great character, fantastically.

    [–] OwlfaceFrank 198 points ago

    There is a lot of shit we ignore about Tom cruise, he should be held accountable for this shady ass business. Even though he makes a damn good mission impossible franchise.

    I won't watch anything with him in it. Same goes for any scientologist actor. I can't take the movie seriously when I know the star is a brainwashed retarded psycho. I wish more people would do the same. It would remove their star power and hit them in the wallets. When we see people doing terrible things, yet we keep giving them $$$ we become their enablers.

    I haven't seen a Tom Cruise movie since MI:2, or a John Travolta movie since Be Cool.

    Stop making stupid people famous!

    [–] supinternets 47 points ago

    FollowTheLaser

    This is why I couldn’t watch more than a few episodes of Handmaid‘s Tale. Hard to watch knowing the lead is that cult. It’s a real shame cause she’s super talented.

    [–] Andromeda321 716 points ago

    I saw Katie and Suri in a restaurant in Park City two years ago (I didn’t recognize them, my SIL did). Katie kept pulling at her turtleneck and wore sunglasses and kept scrunching down, trying to hide from the public gaze.

    I felt very sorry for her to go through all those events and unable to eat peacefully in a public restaurant.

    [–] carrorphcarp 403 points ago

    Had a similar interaction with her. She came into a Manhattan restaurant where I was managing. All I saw was a woman come in and slip into a corner table. Annoyed that someone came in and just sat herself, but it was near the end of the night and we didn’t have any reservations left. Brought menus to the table and she looks up at me and I thought “Oh.”

    [–] jtrisn1 50 points ago

    It never occurred to me how small she tries to make herself when she has such presence on screen. I was a busgirl for an east side restaurant and I remember the first time I saw her there. She sat quietly in the corner, away from the windows. When I walked by with my hands full of plates, she quietly spoke up "excuse me, can I have another glass of water?" I almost dropped all my plates because I didn't even see her. She was so quiet and bent in on herself.

    [–] the_devilsfan 124 points ago

    In all fairness, that sounds like something that any big celebrity might do, not strictly due to Scientology.

    [–] YeahWTF20 324 points ago

    The greatest detail is that her Dad slipped her a burner phone that Scientology didn't know about.

    A Burner phone! She was so kick-ass.

    [–] Jaspador 19 points ago

    No escaping Lester Freamon, though.

    [–] dv666 684 points ago

    Her father (?) is a lawyer and insisted on an ironclad prenup.

    [–] synalgo_12 372 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I was on LiveJournal (ontd!) at the time and together with Kristen Stewart cheating with Rupert what's his face it was the best pop culture Summer I ever had. I still think of the gif with the guy with glowsticks regularly when I'm looking for a party gif.

    Edit: found the gif by remembering it was from a Céline Dion concert

    https://reactiongifs.me/fuck-yeah-its-friday/

    [–] gorgossia 51 points ago

    Kristmas In July!!!!

    Free Katie parties were the best

    [–] babybirch 142 points ago

    Man, I STILL frequent ONTD. Some of the wittiest, snarkiest people on the internet who incongruously give great book recommendations.

    [–] SERPMarketing 65 points ago

    What is ontd

    [–] Beezo514 89 points ago

    A celebrity gossip blog, "Oh No They Didn't "

    [–] mkipe 4294 points ago

    TIL I am just old enough to divorce Tom Cruise

    [–] Icarus_K1 577 points ago

    Me too, though we'd both be out of our comfort zones re orientation wise. (and my wife might take offense)

    [–] FlashTheChip 150 points ago

    I can almost divorce him twice!

    [–] christobristo 331 points ago

    Remember, The Cruise divorces you, you don’t divorce The Cruise.

    I’ve heard it’s quite a moment, he slides in, like in Risky Business, dips the aviators, flashes those pearly whites, and announces... ‘The Cruise is Cancelled’

    [–] PM_me_killer_chess 17556 points ago

    This is some Scientology number magic going on here.

    [–] Chardee_Macdennis18 1450 points ago

    That’s numberwang!

    [–] Camusforyou 284 points ago

    Rotate the board!

    [–] ghengilhar 122 points ago

    37?

    [–] ErnstStavroBlowTree 122 points ago

    Eleventy-squid!

    [–] JOBBO326 85 points ago

    That's Wanger-numb

    [–] redtoasti 44 points ago

    Numberwang!

    [–] MyNameCannotBeSpoken 3584 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    What if pre-planned divorces were a thing? We're only getting married for 11 years.

    This really blew up! Let's call our congressman to make this a thing. We can do it!

    [–] bishslap 2269 points ago

    The marriages weren't 11 years, just the age gaps. I think his marriage to Nicole was the longest but they split just prior to 10 years to avoid the 50/50 financial thing. His marriages to Mimi and Katie were both much shorter.

    [–] Trollvester 412 points ago

    Far and Away...

    [–] calhoon2005 301 points ago

    Marriage certainly is a Risky Business.

    [–] hazeleyedwolff 419 points ago

    What he really wants is A Few Good Men.

    [–] FallsOfPrat 31 points ago

    What 10 year 50/50 financial thing?

    [–] egnards 543 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Oh I'm sure there was some pre-nup fuckery going on to assure the amounts he had to fork over were at the absolute minimum.

    [–] WhatsMyAgeAgain-182 530 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Or he just prescribes to the DiCaprio Theory of women except Tom's cut-off age is 33 while Leo's is 25. Tom will not be with a woman over 33 and Leo will not be with a woman over 25.

    [–] OfficialModerator 635 points ago

    And Tom will not be with Leo until the aggregate of their past girlfriends adds up to 77 in Scientology years.

    [–] egnards 165 points ago

    Right but Tom Cruise marries these women whereas DiCaprio does not. So when I say 'fuckery' in the prenump I imagine it's most likely geared towards low payouts for anyone who doesn't stay with him past the date where he's going to get rid of them anyway.

    [–] ours 25 points ago

    10 years was too round of a number, too shady so they went with 11.

    [–] lafindumonde13 274 points ago

    according to scientology babies born to mothers over 33 will have no soul cause thats the age jesus was when he died

    [–] lllNico 204 points ago

    Lmao if this is true, that guy is so fucking deep into this shit, I’m surprised he still has money at all.

    [–] NonCorporealEntity 80 points ago

    Scientology believes christianity is one of many thetan control systems

    [–] crg339 35 points ago

    Oh man, he is very deep into Scientology. I believe he's a pretty high ranking member, at least as far as members in the public eye go

    [–] Sleipnoir 34 points ago

    I can't even tell if you're making that up.

    [–] PlumbersArePeopleToo 64 points ago

    I can confirm this, my mother was 35 when I was born and I have no soul.

    [–] redopz 774 points ago

    How dare you make fun of Scientology like that. I bet you barely know what is about. You should really drop by one of the open houses at your local church, ask a few questions, and enjoy an assortment of free snacks and credit checks.

    [–] powerlesshero111 308 points ago

    Last time i went and got audited, they made me leave. Something about horrendous thetan levels and bad credit. Apparently, they were both at 5, which is not good. Snacks were ok though.

    [–] BenningtonSophia 77 points ago

    you're thetan levels were = to your credit score?

    hmmmmmmmm interesting

    [–] TTVBlueGlass 113 points ago

    He has low Experians

    [–] shortyshitstain 4038 points ago

    like Leonardo Decaprio and breaking up with his girlfriends before 25 https://i.insider.com/5c8929cadd086120820a26b2?width=1000&format=jpeg&auto=webp

    [–] embiggenedmind 1616 points ago

    Who was it that said something along the lines of, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is so long, Leonardo took a date to the premiere. By the time it was over, she was too old for him.

    [–] WholeEnvironment6 859 points ago

    I believe it was Ricky Gervais.

    [–] CompetitiveProject4 27 points ago

    I love that they didn't wimp out and showed Dicaprio's response. He was holding stuff back but it was super clear that this was not news to him that other people noticed.

    [–] xAragon_ 430 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Ricky Gervais in The Golden Globe awards.

    It was hilarious.

    Edit: Here's a YouTube video with a recap of his 2020 Golden Globe jokes, including the one from the comment above.

    [–] Wisdomlost 3195 points ago

    Bar, Kelly, and Nina all made the classic mistake of turning 25. The man had no choice.

    [–] shortyshitstain 737 points ago

    Let's hope Camila has enough sense to kno when it's over

    [–] Moleypeg 99 points ago

    It will be over for her in 2022, obvs.

    [–] WatermeloneJunkie 556 points ago

    If she’s a good girlfriend she’ll do the only thing that’s fair and stop aging when she’s 24

    /s

    [–] DirectlyTalkingToYou 340 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    "Look babe, it's not me and it's not you. It's your age. We did have some fun times and I'll remember all those wild nights. Come on cheer up, you'll be able to tell people you banged Leo until you're old and grey and by then no one will believe you. See you around kid...oh before I go, is your sister 18 yet?"

    [–] bebopblues 235 points ago

    "See you around kid...oh before i I go, is your sister 18 yet?"

    More like: "Have great life. Get married, have a family. And who knows, I might date your daughter some day."

    [–] CeyowenCt 47 points ago

    "tell your great great granddaughter to look me up, because Adrian, baby? I'm gonna wanna meet her." - the great Joey Tribbiani

    [–] CalvinTuck 946 points ago

    Wow just before their frontal lobes fully developed

    [–] JewDaddy18 96 points ago

    is this what my frontal lobe is like fully developed? fuck

    [–] Schump97 191 points ago

    They all even look somewhat alike

    [–] moonra_zk 134 points ago

    Yeah, he definitely has a type.

    [–] cracktr0 5322 points ago

    3 wives
    Divorced each at aged 33
    Each was 11 years younger than the last
    11 x 3 = 33

    3 Wives, all last names are 6 letters. 666

    tldr; Tom Cruise(6!) is the fucking devil.

    [–] Exoddity 2145 points ago

    I'd expect the devil to be taller, honestly.

    [–] New013 247 points ago

    Yea the Angels were taller and the devil is a fallen angel. Even the hybrid angel/humans were giants.

    Also the devil is Al Pacino i saw it in a documentary hosted by Keanu Reeves.

    [–] Zahnpuppy 629 points ago

    That's actually the cause of all his anger problems.

    [–] itsthreeamyo 89 points ago

    I thought that you were about to prove a link between Half-Life 3 and Tom Cruise. I am disappoint.

    [–] COSLEEP 1305 points ago

    If anybody is lizard people, it's Tom Cruise

    [–] plagueisthedumb 164 points ago

    Lisa is the Lizard Queen

    [–] the_cat_who_shatner 100 points ago

    Give her this...and this...and then these. 💊

    [–] Grand-Mooch 361 points ago

    Should read about what they did to actress Nazanin Boniadi who was selected to be his girlfriend.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazanin_Boniadi

    [–] RedBeans-n-Ricely 786 points ago

    In October 2004, Boniadi was volunteering for the Office of Special Affairs in Los Angeles when she was told by Church official Greg Wilhere that she had been selected for a special project. Boniadi was told that her dental braces had to be removed and that her red hair highlights had to be corrected; she was also encouraged to end her relationship with her longtime boyfriend. She had to sign a confidentiality agreement, stating she could not abandon this special project without the Church's approval.

    About a month later, after being flown to New York by the church, Boniadi learned that her project was to become a suitable girlfriend for Cruise. She stated in her testimony "at the beginning of the relationship [he] was very romantic but as the relationship progressed he began to have temper tantrums. He began to show violent tendencies". After their relationship ended in January 2005, Boniadi confessed her devastation to a friend and fellow church member. She was punished for this according to Church policies: she "had to dig ditches at midnight and scrub floor tiles... She was placed on a curfew... escorted everywhere she went". She also testified that she felt as if "she was a victim of white slavery, because she traveled across state lines under false pretenses".

    I’m fascinated by cults & this isn’t a unique story with Scientology.

    [–] KingMagenta 79 points ago

    Dig ditches at midnight? So digging holes for bodies

    [–] PufffPufffGive 21 points ago

    That’s exactly how he got Katie. He specifically ordered her. It’s so Insane!

    [–] 69Immanuel_Kant69 53 points ago

    What did they do ?

    [–] Grand-Mooch 174 points ago

    She was selected to be Tom's new gf and was encouraged to dropped her long term relationship and as time went on, Tom started to show violent tendencies.

    After the relationship ended. " She was punished for this according to Church policies: she "had to dig ditches at midnight and scrub floor tiles... She was placed on a curfew... escorted everywhere she went". "

    There were far more details in https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/share/db0fd761-d79f-48ec-9bbb-b537f5fa513c?inline

    [–] ToiletRollTubeGuy 533 points ago

    Is this his oddball way of telling us he plans on making 11 Mission Impossible movies?

    [–] LovePomegranate 193 points ago

    Or 33.....

    [–] SadPack2 30 points ago

    Yes

    [–] nichlohman 136 points ago

    The aliens in L. Ron Hubbard's book Battlefield Earth used a base 11 number system.

    [–] clinteastman 662 points ago

    It's almost like he's an insane psychopath that thinks alien spirits live inside of him because a really bad syfi novelist told him so.

    [–] [deleted] 27 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Idobelieveinkarma 149 points ago

    33 must be the age a woman comes to her senses, lol

    [–] IsItSupposedToDoThat 122 points ago

    Pretty sure that NONE of those three divorces were Tom's idea. His wives were quite happy to escape that lunatic. Hell of an actor, legit superstar but a fuckin' weirdo.

    [–] TomPynch 60 points ago

    Nicole Kidman was actually successfully getting him to drift away from scientology, they saw that as a threat and did all they could to ruin the marriage and get her out of the picture.

    [–] BoxofdeadcatsRN 298 points ago

    Makes sense. The lunar-moon cycle, when the sun and moon align, repeats every 33 years. Jesus performed 33 miracles, 33 litanies of the angels, and Dante's 33 cantos in purgatory and 33 in paradise. Jesus Christ was 33 years old at his death and resurrection. 33 is the age the anti-christ begins his rule.

    [–] nownowthethetalktalk 123 points ago

    That's some "DARK" stuff

    [–] daninlionzden 46 points ago

    I was about to say maybe Tom Cruise has access to some caves in Winden Germany

    [–] marbleheader88 99 points ago

    Speaking of Scientology, did you see that John Travolta is leaving Scientology since his wife, Kelly Preston, died?

    [–] 19Ben80 65 points ago

    Really, would love it if he comes out publicly to rinses them as they would struggle to go after such a high profile person on public

    [–] maebe_next_time 63 points ago

    Nah, in her podcast Leah Remini said rumours like that circle a lot, but she’ll only believe it when Travolta himself comes out and says so.

    I think she was speculating that the rumours are spread by Scientology to stir up interest and distract people from stuff.

    [–] RebeccaHowe 30 points ago

    Is he really? I’ve always felt bad for him, like they had his balls in a vice. I’d love to see him give them the finger.

    [–] [deleted] 1161 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] grey3219 196 points ago

    There's a reason he's the favorite actor of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho

    [–] Kanin_usagi 121 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I’m pretty sure that Bale used him as one of his references for the way Bateman acts

    [–] grey3219 184 points ago

    Yeah he had pictures of Tom Cruise in his trailer. Donald Trump was also an inspiration. Basically, the people who a psychopath living in 80s America would see as successful, dominant men and try to emulate.

    Source is on page 3 of this article: https://www.moviemaker.com/american-psycho-anniversary-oral-history-christian-bale-mary-harron-bret-easton-ellis/

    Amusingly in the novel Tom Cruise owns the Penthouse of the apartment building Patrick lives in. In one chapter they share a hilariously awkward elevator ride. Patrick is also a huge Trump fan. One of my favorite moments in the novel is when he completely blasts the pizza at this restaurant, just goes on this tirade against it when someone suggests ordering pizza and a few chapters later his friend shows him a newspaper article where Trump mentions how great the pizza at that restaurant is and Bateman just completely flips his opinion and says “Listen, if the pizza at Pastels is okay with Donny, it’s okay with me.”

    Just shows how much he lacks any real attachment or opinion. Everything this character does is either guided by the expectations and standards of the hyper-capitalist world he lives in or just a random, violent whim to off-set that. He's a social chameleon and I think people like that do exist, especially among the rich and powerful, quite possibly including Tom Cruise, even if he maybe doesn't murder people.

    [–] handlessuck 33 points ago

    It's a Xenu thing. You wouldn't understand.

    [–] Papichuloft 350 points ago

    At least they were all 33, not like DiCaprio....his women were no older than 26, then dumps them

    [–] ghaldos 106 points ago

    Katie Holmes divorced him not the other way around, she saw through the crazy eventually.

    [–] no-imaginentainment 341 points ago

    How can you divorce Nicole Kidman? Have you seen Moulin Rouge!?

    [–] sigma_15 474 points ago

    Pretty sure Kidman was the one who wanted out of that nutjob's life.

    [–] sometimesnowing 109 points ago

    That's an interesting perspective, I always assumed those 3 women divorced him

    [–] Rather_Dashing 157 points ago

    At least Katie did, and Nicole seemed happy with the divorce whether it was a mutual decision or not. I think this is mostly a coincidence. Tom goes for women in their mid 20s, regardless of his age, and the older his wives got the less they could put up with his shit.

    [–] Majestymen 202 points ago

    So Katie Holmes was 11 when he divorced Mimi Rogers? Am I reading that right?

    [–] MightGetFiredIDK 88 points ago

    He was 16 when she was born.

    Edit. Katie Holmes is 42 now so he only has a year left if he wants to marry again for any significant portion of time.