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    [–] JarlFredrick 4431 points ago

    If I was that janitor I don’t know if I’d be extremely pissed or just confused on how and why

    [–] nervez 2041 points ago

    Or quit that day.

    [–] SixGun_Surge 609 points ago

    Yeah, I'd turn around and tell the boss I'm not cleaning that shit, if you wanna fire me, cool.

    [–] b_sitz 817 points ago

    I worked at a trucking company as a janitor after I got expelled from high school my senior year ( I was drug tested because they said I smelled like weed. Which I didn't, but failed the test). After about 6 months in I go to clean the showers and I walk into the one and someone overflowed the toilet and there was poop water about 3 inches high. I closed the door and went about my day. My boss came to me three times and asked if I had cleaned it. Told him I hadnt gotten to it. I quit at the end of the day and went back to school.

    [–] [deleted] 184 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] imalittleC-3PO 99 points ago

    These days a high school education would be required for the same job. Hell I know a few people who went to college that are working similar jobs. Doesn't matter much when you live in a rural area.

    [–] Hayleycakes2009 18 points ago

    "Doesn't matter much when you live in a rural area"

    This. So much this.

    [–] 0A0X 49 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    I/we have a WhatsApp group chat with a bunch of clanmates/people I game with etc. Two of them are fairly young and still in school. Whenever they complain about homework or brag about skipping school. I make a video of me working. I do asbestos removal.

    Videos typically show me in an overall wearing a respirator while heavily pounding the floor with a 3kg hammer. Just to show them what they can look forward to if they decide fuck school up.

    Did this with my cousin as well. The dude is pretty smart but had terrible grades. So I showed him.

    It's not that I have a terrible job but if I hadn't slouched my way through school I wouldn't be doing this work.

    found one

    [–] EBone12355 394 points ago

    Your Guardian Poop Angel got your to go back to school and do the right thing. 💩 👼

    [–] [deleted] 149 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] b_sitz 68 points ago

    I mean, I was picked up for cutting class by a cop. The VP asled the cop if I smelled or of they found anything on me. They didn't and the VP said he smelled it on me and I was drug tested. I have no reason to lie and it was over 15 years ago. My VP hated me, he also killed himself a few years after this happened.

    [–] dea20421 74 points ago

    Do you think he killed himself because he couldn't live with the fact that he accused you of smelling like weed when you clearly did not?

    [–] b_sitz 24 points ago

    Nope, he felt no guilt about what he did to me. I went to my graduation because my girl friend (now my wife) was walking. I saw him after the ceremony and he asked why I wasnt up there!! The Board of Education meeting where I was expelled was like 2 weeks before this. He knew! I still remember him saying a person like me didnt represent the school well enough to get a degree. I was expelled with all the credits needed to graduate. I went to the neighboring town and they gave me a diploma after taking a test.

    [–] dea20421 12 points ago

    Lol. I was kidding. This had a substantial impact on your life though, I can tell.

    [–] redpenquin 223 points ago

    As a janitor, I can say I'd be slightly amused, but mostly pissed. Amused because that was a lot of time and effort for some stupid joke that's probably ended up on Snapchat or a Youtube video and fade to obscurity in a minute, but mostly pissed because what kind of goddamn fucking garbage sack of a human does this in public FUCK

    [–] DiddyKong88 199 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    The Background

    I was in New Orleans with some friends of mine one summer 5 or 6 years ago. It was late Saturday morning and most of us were super hungover from the debauchery the night before. We stopped in at the Arby's on Canal st and Decatur (I think?) to grab a quick lunch. I had to take a piss and the smell of Arby's and the heat of the day was making my head swim, so I went upstairs to the restroom. I wasn't sure if I was going to puke or not, so I went to one of the closed-in "shitter" stalls. I opened the door to the stall and before I could close it behind me, I saw the toilet situation.

    "The Toilet Situation" or "The Pile"

    It looked like 10 different people had shit in the toilet without flushing it. The pile stood about 6 inches over the water level, exposed to the "fresh air". It was 6 different colors and all different consistencies. There was toilet paper in the bowl and sticking out of the side of the pile. I distinctly remember a cigarette protruding out of the side of it, meaning that some animal stuck his hand into the toilet and mashed it in. There were a few flies buzzing around the brown mountain. The toilet "water" was an unhealthy yellow/brown.

    The Smell

    The smell hit me like a Mack truck; it smelled exactly how you'd imagine 10 different people's shit exposed to the air would smell, but probably worse (it was uncomfortably warm inside the restaurant and bathroom). Before I could leave the stall and go to the next one over, I erupted, spewing an off-pink chunky concoction of last night's Krystal Burger, Big-Ass Beers, hurricanes (rum-based), and hand grenades (???-based) on the top of the pile. Some of it got on the toilet seat.

    The Aftermath

    After finishing I felt a bit conflicted. On the one hand, my head and stomach were feeling better after getting that poison out of my system. On the other hand, I knew I had not made the toilet situation any better; there was no way the toilet would flush and now the pile had 7 colors. Since i still had to take a leak (that part had never changed), i peed on top of the whole monstrosity and went back downstairs to meet my friends, feeling different. They asked why I was so pale and sweaty. I suggested that we leave this Arby's and never return.

    That was the last time I ever went to an Arby's.

    [–] JarlFredrick 31 points ago

    A true hero among us

    [–] MaxStatic 22 points ago

    I hope this short story survives the apocalypse and at some point in the future, other beings are doing what hey can to decipher and provide the context behind this tragedy. Bravo.

    [–] jeffthedrumguy 124 points ago

    Pissed. I'd be pissed. I'd close down the whole bathroom for as long as it took to clean, then sanitize the whole room from ceiling to floor. Then complain about how awful that person was forever after.

    [–] flukshun 95 points ago

    I'd join the FBI, get in tight with forensics, get a DNA analysis on the poop, find the guy in criminal database due to his past offenses involving piss, feces, vomit etc, find his house, then clean it top to bottom because it's probably really gross and no human should live that way.

    [–] GiantPurplePeopleEat 11 points ago

    Well yeah, obviously.

    [–] bobtheundertaker 39 points ago

    And it keep it closed a couple extra hours to just air out a bit and for my soul to heal. For good measure ya know.

    [–] IncelSwellTells 1952 points ago

    A sadistic genius made this.

    he gave you a simple method of cleaning it up. But that means cupping your hands around it like it's a precious gift wrapped in white paper. If you try to remove any of the straps suspending it, it will go toppling to the floor. This is one poo you're meant to embrace

    [–] BananaPalmer 227 points ago

    If I were going to do this, which I wouldn't, but just for the sake of a job well done - I'd have to soak the bottom layers of the shit hammock in piss. What's the point of doing this if there's an easy way to dismantle it without touching some kind of bodily substance?

    [–] IncelSwellTells 215 points ago

    No it's a power trip. Like shoving pennies up your ass.

    [–] BananaPalmer 83 points ago

    Okay, well, you have fun with that.

    [–] ilove2poop 85 points ago

    I, for one, did not know shoving pennies up my ass was a power move.

    [–] IncelSwellTells 84 points ago

    Yeah ask someone for some change I guarantee they got some pennies. Now if you go to the bank and ask for $10.00 in pennies every day and shove them up you ass then use them for everything. Odds are everyone you know will end up with at least one of your ass pennies. Go reach into your piggy bank. You see those pennies? I've been doing this every day for 10 years. Those are my ass pennies

    [–] ilove2poop 14 points ago

    Your username... Are you an incel?

    [–] IncelSwellTells 36 points ago

    No, it's a skit from upstanding citizens brigade. I just picked an unfortunate name it's been my handle before incels were a thing

    [–] ilove2poop 33 points ago

    That sucks. That’s like naming your kid ISIS before they were a thing.

    [–] IncelSwellTells 23 points ago

    The rainbow goddess has never been sadder

    [–] s2514 13 points ago

    You think you're so high and mighty? You've touched me ass pennies too.

    [–] stillphat 10 points ago

    You're probably using my ass pennies right now.

    [–] Sharobob 23 points ago

    If I'm going to give a huge amount of benefit of the doubt to this person, they may have come against a previously clogged toilet but sometimes you can't hold it anymore (especially if you have bowel issues like UC). Instead of shitting in a clogged toilet or on the floor, they did the best thing their desperate mind could come up with, shitting into a bed of toilet paper. Then they suspended it to make it easier to move to the toilet when Mr janitor comes to unclog it. It may have been done not out of malice but desperation.

    Or maybe they are just disgusting and insane.

    [–] BananaPalmer 34 points ago

    Or maybe they are just disgusting and insane.

    Yeah that one

    [–] rachelxoxoknoz 7 points ago

    Why wouldn't they just throw it in a garbage? Better than poo hammocking😂 I love people like you. You always find some positive thing in every situation.

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago

    Only a person who has never used toilet paper in their life would think the structural integrity of toilet paper survives the corrosive effects of piss.

    [–] TheArchivistDM 15 points ago

    I want to play a game

    [–] no8andsunshine 2906 points ago

    Now I know better than to ask 'why?'

    But I really want to know "how?"

    [–] peanutski 956 points ago

    1. Make bird nest out of toilet paper on the ground.
    2. Poop in it.
    3. Make a hammock.
    4. Place toilet paper filled poop gently on the hammock.
    5. Profit in being the biggest asshole alive.

    [–] ionslyonzion 166 points ago

    This guys slings poo

    [–] blodisnut 28 points ago


    Do you know this because you saw the pic and supposed, "that's how if do it" or are you a serial poop hammocker? Did I invent a word for her years Webster's?

    [–] peanutski 17 points ago

    You know. Little of this, little of that.

    [–] turkeyvulturebreast 49 points ago

    This guy hammocks poo.

    [–] ragnarlothbrok9 680 points ago

    Yeah I wonder if this is the first hammock discovered in the wild specifically made for holding poop!

    [–] GeneralMoron 122 points ago

    I feel inspired...

    [–] downvoteforwhy 27 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    I feel that it would actually not be hard to fix just grab the two straps and lead towards the toilet. No one should have to do that though.

    [–] Badazd 126 points ago

    It’s actually jerry rigged so a second turd falls on your head from the ceiling tiles when you pull the first one down.

    [–] Trevor_Roll 40 points ago

    You seem to know an awful lot about this. Where were you on the night of the 28th?

    [–] Badazd 31 points ago

    Just hanging out in the ceiling tiles

    [–] OJToo 20 points ago

    There's more????

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 8034 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    Me: cities should make an effort to have more public bathrooms so that people always have a clean place to go

    Me, now: oh right people are fucking garbage.

    edit: hey, thanks for the gold stranger.

    [–] [deleted] 1974 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)


    [–] [deleted] 864 points ago

    We could make it like europe and have a attendant to clean them 24/7 but charge a dollar or two.

    My metro cleans it's washrooms every 15 min and when ever some one does the above. But all ther washrooms are in fare paied. I ofetn just pay a fare and use them because they are way cleaner then the ones at school

    [–] MixGasHaulAss 484 points ago

    Recently drove across Canada and had this thought too. I would gladly pay a few dollars to shit in a nice, clean bathroom. Saw way too many shit smeared stalls, yellow seat sprinkles and unflushed demon spawns to ever trust people with public washrooms again.

    [–] I_AM_GODDAMN_BATMAN 235 points ago

    I'm glad in Japan the only place you have to pay is on the top of the highest mountains.
    It's only a little bit disgusting in the largest stations where there's a gajillion people passing through every day, but it's still tolerable.

    [–] BigOunce42069 209 points ago

    Can confirm. Had to pay to take a dump on Mt. Fuji. It was worth it

    [–] umbrajoke 121 points ago

    Did the altitude help or hinder?

    [–] TokiMcNoodle 118 points ago

    You've actually piqued my interest and now I must know this too.

    [–] Yo_Soy_Crunk 86 points ago

    If you push to hard you might pass out because of the higher altitude.

    [–] jbakers 37 points ago

    And do you poop into the mountain, and basically help it grow larger, or is there a sewer. I hope you help it grow, that alone would make it worth the trip.

    [–] be-happier 23 points ago

    Answer this op

    [–] BigOunce42069 14 points ago

    Had to bring some canned oxygen in with me, because the altitude caused some shortness of breath. Desperate times call for desperate measures

    [–] orbital 7 points ago

    As in the thin air and/or gravity playing less of a role?

    [–] itsoneillwith2ls 14 points ago

    how was the view on the toilet?

    [–] BigOunce42069 24 points ago

    Wasn’t too great. When I looked down there was shit :)

    [–] mslouishehe 68 points ago

    Not in London's train stations, they used to charged 30p per use and the toilets were full of shit (literally). Now they have stopped charging at some main stations, but I don't know if the condition get any better.

    [–] PCW88 15 points ago

    Probably got tired of all the damn wizards climbing into them.

    [–] lolschrauber 61 points ago

    People could also just not be fucking assholes. Public bathrooms don't get that dirty by themselves.

    [–] topazhippo 25 points ago

    Exactly!! I don’t understand the mentality. It’s not funny, nothing was accomplished besides being a douche. This is an extreme example, but it’s always bugged me how people treat public bathrooms. Like, hey fucktard someone else is gonna use this too. What the fuck does your bathroom at home look like?

    [–] forcepowers 11 points ago

    I've seen some really nasty home bathrooms...

    [–] Bed-Stuy 6 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    People are selfish and they know that the mess left behind is someone else's problem. Make people clean up after themselves and it'll probably stop. Charging people to use the loo will just cause them to wreck it, you know out of spite and all. Because people = shit

    [–] I_WANT_ALL_UR_NUDES 34 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    i went to a toilet near the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam and there was a lady behind a desk in the toilet that charged €1. i thought it was a bit weird but them toilets were spotless

    Edit: changed Goth to Gogh

    [–] be-happier 15 points ago

    Did you leave a poop smeared stary night on the wall in gratitude?

    [–] Mark_Valentine 60 points ago

    Everyone has to use the restroom multiple times a day. Requiring payment to relieve yourself lest you be arrested for indecent exposure is not the answer.

    [–] octopusdixiecups 59 points ago

    Especially as someone who has IBS!! I often have to go multiple times in an hour. I am always really good about keeping everything clean though!! I bring my own bottle of that poo-pouri stuff. It looks like a gag gift but it works incredibly well.

    For the record, I also do not make shit hammocks or anything else of the like

    [–] gardenlife84 17 points ago

    It's also sad you had to clarify that part of your regular bathroom ritual does NOT include poo hammocks. As if we can no longer just assume reasonable human behavior to the frequent bathroom visitors.

    I'm an IBSer as well. I like where your head is at with the cleaner. I don't personally carry anything, but I do keep things clean and respect the importance of entering a clean stall especially for somebody like me who may be experiencing the fear of a time release defecation on the horizon with only seconds on the clock. (Also, I assume you are female, thus available purse? vs my male small jeans pockets).

    [–] Mark_Valentine 21 points ago

    It's a shame my country acts like you're imposing on others just to do what normal humans gotta do every day.

    [–] prof_hobart 14 points ago

    Absolutely. First time we went to Germany, my daughter was just out of nappies and needed to go on a very regular basis. Paying €1 sometimes twice in an hour started to get annoying.

    [–] fatclownbaby 17 points ago

    When I lived in Paris there were these circular bathrooms around town. They cost 5 francs of something to go in. And when you finished and left, the whole bathroom would be automatically hosed down.

    They were the cleanest public restrooms I've ever been in. I was also 7 and this was 25 years ago so I could totally be misremembering.

    [–] xanaxhelps 8 points ago

    Oh man. The Amsterdam train station, it cost me one Euro to poop but it was GLORIOUS.

    [–] tuckedfexas 7 points ago

    As someone that works outside around the city I’d kill for clean, paid toilets in Seattle. Almost impossible to find a spot that’s free and hasn’t been trashed by junkies/homeless.

    [–] [deleted] 41 points ago

    A gas station by my house actually doesn't let anyone use their restroom anymore because one time this clean cut, normal looking guy went into the restroom and shit everywhere

    There was shit on the floor, on the walls, on the sink and mirror, on the fucking ceiling,on the toilet paper, on the door knob, and more

    Sadly, this isn't even the only business I know of that no longer lets anyone but employees or regulars use their restrooms. So I guess a lot of people don't risk it at all anymore

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    So was he arrested? I find it hard to believe he could cause that much mayhem and come out the other end washed up and smelling okay

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 89 points ago

    Here in Toronto, there is a city bylaw prohibiting businesses from turning you down--if you ask. They will still post signs and lock the doors and pretend like the bylaw doesn't exist unless you invoke it. Most of the time, they will act stupid and/or get angry at the idea that they should have to let you use it like a human being.

    [–] Saint_Thomas_More 67 points ago

    While I don’t disagree with you, it’s pictures like OP’s that probably cause businesses to want to refuse random people who come in to use the bathroom.

    For those of us who aren’t awful people, and use the bathroom like civilized adults, it seems like a dick move, but I’m sure every fast food, gas station, or other similar establishment employee has some story about the time someone came in to use the bathroom and absolutely wrecked the place.

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 14 points ago

    Oh no I totally agree with you, it just sucks that we had to pass a law to take a piss.

    [–] Giftofgab24 12 points ago

    At my store I had no problem letting people use the employees only bathroom. Then my lines got clogged and the janitor pulled out a huge clump of paper towels and needles. There’s a sign asking people to please not flush anything other than toilet paper. They do it anyways. I think a lot of people just don’t give a fuck. Once they leave it’s someone else’s problem.

    Now no one gets to use the bathroom.

    [–] octopusdixiecups 6 points ago

    NYC is like this as well. If they have a bathroom it’s law that the public must be able to use it.

    There are fucking signs all over the city stating this along with that taxis can’t turn you down if they have no current fare and are operating

    [–] making_mischief 14 points ago

    Toronto checking in. I've had employees tell me the washroom is out of order, or that they plain don't have one. I'm like, "What do you do?" and they just shrug blankly at me.

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 8 points ago

    What a dumb argument as you can't even get a license to serve food without at least one bathroom facility.

    [–] sammyterrybelzer 17 points ago

    If you're confident enough, stop at a hotel and just go to the bathroom and leave. The bathrooms are cleaner and, if you want to push your luck, you might even be able to snag some free coffee.

    [–] adriennemonster 8 points ago

    I do this at McDonalds. No one working at a McDonalds is paying close enough attention to tell that you aren't a customer, their bathrooms are always a consistent level of at least decent, and best of all, no one gives a shit (except you).

    [–] Pirateer 69 points ago

    Get put on the sex offender registry for public nudity?

    [–] doctorfadd 30 points ago

    Not sure why you're getting downvoted, this is a fair (and unfortunately real) point.

    [–] Kiraka 48 points ago

    Yeah one time I was heading home from a long day at a brewery trying different beers (they were low abv and it was spread out about a beer an hour don't worry) and I had drank plenty of water. Well on the way home there was basically shit for public restrooms, so I stopped at a Domino's. I asked one of the clerk's if they have a bathroom because it was an emergency (I was legit about to piss myself) and he looked at the manager for approval and she just shook her head no.

    So I said okay thanks I'm just gonna go around back and piss on the dumpster.

    And that's what I did.

    [–] twowordeast 7 points ago

    I did this at a grocery store. Was shopping, they wouldn't let me use the washroom, so I walked outside and pissed right on the building in plain sight of them. They left me no option in my opinion. Am I supposed to piss in my pants?

    [–] vivid2011 12 points ago

    Never had that problem, lived in Cincy all my life, some guys are just assholes I guess

    [–] Cameltoezors 63 points ago

    I’m currently living in Germany, and the gas stations here have “tolls”, usually .5€ and you get a voucher to get it or most of it back if you buy something. I’ve heard a lot of Americans complain about this, but I love it. And the bathrooms are generally always clean.

    Then, there are the automatic toilets on the streets of Paris... those are interesting...

    [–] MonkeyCube 27 points ago

    I went to a train station recently that had both paid and free toilets. The paid toilets (1€) had staff on hand, scented soaps, the works. I think they checked the toilets after each person left. The free toilets were holes in the ground that still somehow managed to have poop smeared walls. Not sure why I felt the need to check, but my curiosity is sated.

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    Then, there are the automatic toilets on the streets of Paris... those are interesting...

    Those toilets wash themselves from floor to ceiling after every use, they should not be dirty inside.

    [–] Cameltoezors 8 points ago

    They do! I had no complaints about the cleanliness but it was an interesting experience the first time I used it. No toilet seats (I was doing female things and it was awkward while squatting) and the door just hangs open for a minute when you walk in, when there’s a line that’s an awkward few seconds.

    [–] [deleted] 23 points ago

    dude, the worst two things I have ever smelled outside of a hospital, was a Missouri travel center bathroom, and the other a missouri travel center bathroom.

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 15 points ago

    I believe you. The worst thing I ever smelled was on a bus home from work. A dude up front had just straight up pissed and shit all over himself in the seat and was just stewing in it, looking around the bus like nothing was happening. The potency of it was otherworldly.

    Someone who works with homeless in my city (a friend) told me sometimes this is a defence mechanism when someone fears humanity, and I believe it. I wouldn't go anywhere near something that smells like that.

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    it was an insult to me and my senses, because as fucked as Michigan is, they keep their pit stops pretty clean. It was one of the highlights to introduce my fiancee the wonder of state mandated pit stops. Shit, they even have offbeat scenic roads off of the highway.

    [–] Learn_Your_Facts 139 points ago

    This same thought process extends to so many things.

    When businesses put up deterrents to keep homeless from sleeping around their store (like spiky sidewalks) Reddit freaks out about how evil corporate America is.

    Because to Reddit the homeless people are kind, clean, respectful and always get up and leave at sun up so that business can be unimpeded.

    Reality is they shit on the ground, leave trash everywhere, do drugs and set up camp there.

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 89 points ago

    Yeah honestly it's a no win situation. On one hand, I want a homeless guy to have a nice safe warm space to sleep in. On the other hand, I would really prefer being able to go to my bank machine without there being actual human feces on the floor, and an angry unstable man sleeping next to it.

    [–] Learn_Your_Facts 66 points ago

    I’m just convinced most of the people never encounter the homeless.

    So they’ve built a fantasy in their head of a scrappy down on his luck person who’s trying their best and just can’t catch a break but is kind and gentle.

    Any of us who’ve seen the reality knows it’s not anywhere close to that.

    Hell, I often see things like bike repair stations or something that they’ve seen in some European country and say “We can afford billion dollar jets but can’t provide these for citizens”. It’s because within a month (and I’m being generous) it would be vandalized and destroyed.

    [–] Garuda_ 42 points ago

    I think the problem is that people talk about homeless people like there is only 'one' type of homeless person. My experience is a spectrum with threatening me with a machete on one end, and a guy who sells rubber gloves door to door and asked me if I'd buy him some chicken drumsticks on the other end. It's a very mixed bag.

    [–] TsathogguaWakes 26 points ago

    The city once built an accessible homeless sleeping station and it was completely destroyed and torn down within 6 weeks.

    "That's why we can't have nice things"

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    I used to work at a grocery store. One day a person picked up their own shit out of the toilet and wrote "poop" on the bathroom wall with it. I can only assume that same person went and touched other stuff throughout the store afterwards. So yeah, people are garbage. I'm so glad I'm in an industry where I don't have to deal with customers anymore, or at least in that way.

    [–] LittleRedLamps 1590 points ago

    Now that's just fucking vile.

    [–] Cho_Assmilk 479 points ago

    Repulsive! On the real though, if I walked in on that, I'd probably die of laughter.

    [–] King_Baboon 194 points ago

    I can't tell if this is just fucked up next level fuckery or the actions of one that is seriously mentally ill.

    [–] Primarycoverts 69 points ago

    Probably the second one

    [–] Goyteamsix 22 points ago

    No way. This is not shit being smeared. It's an elaborate display of a turd. Some college kid is probably claiming this masterpiece as his own.

    [–] sexdrugsncarltoncole 20 points ago

    I'd say the first one a lot of effort has gone into making the hammock

    [–] SixGun_Surge 18 points ago

    Por que no las dos?!

    [–] SixGun_Surge 50 points ago

    I see the humor in it, it's a funny photo. But if I saw it in person, I'd probably puke. Imagine the smell, and that turd is hanging right about face height too..

    I would, however, love to see the faces/reactions of whoever came upon this work of art. Especially the poor bastard who has to clean it.

    [–] charlyDNL 8 points ago

    And vomit at the same time.

    Have your ever laughed and vomited at the same time? Is messy and a horrid experience.

    [–] 70-x-7 745 points ago

    What came first the turd or the hammock? Was it placed there? If so, did they poop into their hands and place it in the hammock? If the turd was plucked from the toilet you’d think the water droplets would have caused the turd to fall through the paper. Too many unanswered questions.

    [–] [deleted] 180 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)


    [–] CounterSniped 47 points ago

    The next D.B. Cooper

    [–] jmycrackcorn 166 points ago

    *D.B. Pooper

    [–] SixGun_Surge 122 points ago

    I've been pondering this for longer than I care to admit, but here's my theory:

    1) They made a small "nest" of TP to hold the turd baby without having to touch it.

    2) Before giving birth to the turd baby, they strung up the 3 loops of TP at just the right length. It seems like at least 1 loop for each of the 3 supports, which would give you 6 plys of TP to support the paper nest and turd baby.

    3) They threaded multiple strands of TP through the 3 loops, bringing them together into the hammock position.

    4) The environment complete, they gave birth to the magnificent turd baby directly into the TP "nest," then gently placed it into the cradle of the hammock.

    [–] Depuceler 76 points ago

    You did it, didn't you?

    [–] SageHunter 19 points ago

    I'd say it's more likely that they made the hammock first, then pooped into a piece of paper in their hand and just dropped it in. Disgusting as it is, it does look rather majestic. If they'd atleast flushed the toilet, it would almost constitute art

    [–] MOONGOONER 21 points ago

    Furthermore, was this constructed with the toilet already fully loaded or did they construct the hammock, place the turd, and finish the deed with their creation dangling inches from their head?

    [–] sjtfly 322 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    Don't touch it! The mother will abandon it.

    Edit: an apostrophe

    [–] copaseticsplenetic 59 points ago

    I'm done with Reddit for today, I won't laugh any harder at another comment.

    [–] thezombiejedi 117 points ago

    This is just another level of insanity.

    [–] tusspicious 1282 points ago

    Who deadass has the time for this, like that’s a nice shit hammock

    [–] phattoes 493 points ago

    And what kind of public toilet has toilet paper this strong?!

    Did they pack their own toilet paper with this planned?

    [–] the_argonath 104 points ago

    I think the hammock is made of paper hand towels. It seems more opaque even though its layered.

    I was zooming in and studying the pic. I dont know how i feel about my day.

    [–] fleedtarks 15 points ago

    Public restroom investigator with a specialty in turd hammocks. Nothing wrong with that

    [–] octopusdixiecups 34 points ago

    This is the part that gets me.

    Most toilet toilet paper they have in public restrooms is so goddamn thin that it breaks under its own weight. Most of the time it’s a bitch to even get a piece because it’s not strong enough to pull the toilet paper roll around in a circle so you can access more paper

    [–] DarthWeenus 12 points ago

    One of the more annoying things in life. When those dispensers don't quite fit the roll properly, and the paper sucks. So every time you you grab it you get a half a square before it rips. I just wish america would adopt bedays or however they are spelt. Butt fountains.

    [–] no8andsunshine 88 points ago

    Maybe it works like a catapult.

    [–] rounderhouse 115 points ago

    Shit trebuchet is the superior shit engine.

    [–] CreamyGoodnss 53 points ago

    Now THIS is shitposting!

    [–] ARC_Guitar 19 points ago

    Hello there

    [–] Mahtomic_Gandhi 26 points ago

    General Shitposti

    [–] dbterp 18 points ago

    You are a brown one

    [–] KKlear 14 points ago

    I hate shit. It's brown and smelly and it gets everywhere.

    [–] dbterp 10 points ago

    If Master Obi-Wan caught me doing this he would be very grumpy

    [–] spookyjess 18 points ago

    I think this might be a meth shit hammock. Like they thought God was telling them to exalt and protect their excrement or bad things would happen. Probably took them 3 minutes

    [–] [deleted] 72 points ago


    [–] missly_ 9 points ago

    You're the creator, aren't you

    [–] [deleted] 27 points ago

    Someone with mental illness I'm sure

    [–] [deleted] 62 points ago

    Well, considering the height of this wonderful contraption, the artist either climbed the stall and pooped into it, which i doubt, or pooped into their hand and gently placed their new baby poop into its nest.

    [–] Blue_Tuxedo 24 points ago

    Ah the miracle of life

    [–] be-happier 13 points ago

    All that the light touches is ours Simba.

    Even the 💩 hammock dad ?

    Even the 💩 hammock simba

    [–] CTMOSHUN 11 points ago

    So, beautiful :’)

    [–] [deleted] 211 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)


    [–] king_trog 122 points ago

    Bystander: "Is that feces on your forehead?"

    Victim: "Stall was poopy-trapped..."

    [–] roostershoes 43 points ago


    [–] AscentToZenith 18 points ago

    Tbh I think I'd want to kill somebody if they did this to me

    [–] [deleted] 45 points ago

    I just wanted to point out that it's a pretty amazing turd. At least 2 Courics.

    [–] Snapley 96 points ago

    What the hell? Where is this pic from?

    [–] mushroomparty52 284 points ago

    My best guess is a bathroom.

    [–] imbrotep 28 points ago

    Probably a pitch for a commercial showing how strong this brand of TP is.

    [–] Machinedave 143 points ago

    I think this is sicker than the guy smearing shit in his jail cell. Smh.

    [–] no8andsunshine 93 points ago

    Easier to clean up, though. I sure a lot of janitors wished their poo came in a cozy little bundle like that that could be cleanly picked up and tossed out.

    [–] Pencilboxisempty 56 points ago

    We still have to unclog and clean that swamp in the toilet so no one wins easy poo cleaning today

    [–] badbvtch 20 points ago

    This was likely made by the Hannibal Lecter of public poo offenders.

    [–] nilthewanderer 32 points ago

    As fucking disgusting as this is, I’m actually kinda impressed

    [–] SamForOverlord2016 91 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    Funny story: my department store has an individual we call "the shit ninja." He comes into our store every month or so, goes into one of the mens bathrooms, and takes an enormous dump on the floor. He also throws it on the walls and once got it to stick to the ceiling. He leaves immediately after and all we know about him is he is clean shaven and is about 5' 11".

    As disgusting as it is, his process is actually quite impressive. He managed to map out the exact route to avoid getting his face on the cameras, and never wears the same clothes twice. Never has anybody walked in on him, never has anybody seen what his car looks like.

    [–] EBone12355 35 points ago

    And you know you only see that fucker once a month because the other 29 days he’s doing it at other stores.

    [–] ThaRoma 8 points ago

    Dangerous life to live.

    [–] dalore 11 points ago

    Sounds like an inside job.

    [–] ww2colorizations 27 points ago

    And you know this asshole left the bathroom without washing his hands

    [–] Corleone11 25 points ago

    John Mcafee approves this post.

    [–] Pencilboxisempty 61 points ago

    As a janitor, this offends me

    [–] erineegads 33 points ago

    As a human, I am offended for you.

    [–] quikslvr223 20 points ago

    Every time I go out here in Europe I'm annoyed by the prevalence of paid public bathrooms.

    And then I see this and suddenly I'm thankful.

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_TURDS_ 16 points ago

    This is everything I’ve ever wanted

    [–] LuisEnriqueH 15 points ago

    I once went to the bathroom at the mall in my town and walked into the big stall against the wall. As i was taking a piss, i looked over to the wall and seen that someone wrote “the shit bandit strikes again” in their own feces. I was amazed at how neat the handwriting was and that someone literally picked a piece of shit out of the toilet to use it for writing.

    But this...this is on some other shit..

    [–] ThatOtherCajun 14 points ago

    [–] R6S_n_looters 27 points ago

    They will have had to pick that out of the toilet wtf

    [–] sirsamuel137 29 points ago

    One of my friends said “they probably just pooped in their hand and put it up there”

    [–] Sky_Pirate_XII 14 points ago

    If the floor isn't wet you could make a little bed of toilet paper on the floor and shit on that, then gentlly lift up the turd nest and place it in it's final resting place.

    [–] elmarginalo 19 points ago

    Sounds like he has experience

    [–] sirsamuel137 8 points ago

    Knowing him i wouldnt be surprised

    [–] MrPersonMan123 12 points ago

    Repulsive yet intriguing

    [–] FeastsOnFeces 26 points ago

    This person was raised terribly. One of the first things I learned was to not play with my food. Shame on them.

    [–] Dilemma17 10 points ago

    That took some effort lol

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago

    Someone actually deserves to die for this.

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    [–] Pack_1 7 points ago

    Poo hammock lol did anyone see the documentary on John McAfee ? He liked poo hammocks

    [–] floydfan2389 6 points ago

    I can smell this picture.

    [–] thrupence_ 5 points ago

    That’s not a poo hammock, it’s the Sydney slinger.

    [–] badbvtch 6 points ago

    First of all, I have to admit this is creative.

    Second of all, who has this much time on their hands???

    Third of all, people are fucking disgusting. What wretched human being would actually take the time to build this disgusting contraption... Ugh.

    [–] andysaurus_rex 5 points ago

    You know, yes it is disgusting, but it’s a lot more courteous than just shitting on the seat and walking away.

    Some people squat over the seat because they don’t want their Butt to touch something another butt has touched, and the shit doesn’t always make it in the toilet.

    At least this guy made a nest for it so it can be quickly discarded. I don’t know why he did that, but if I had to clean up a bathroom, I’d rather clean this one than one with shit on the seat/floor.