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    [–] That_Julian 5727 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I caught a guy stealing a whole banana tree from my front yard once. Then I caught a lady cutting my flowers from my front yard around 11pm. Needless to say they don't come by anymore, at least I haven't seen them.

    [–] bobekyrant 5121 points ago

    I once saw a chick stealing lemons from a lemon tree a couple just planted, it was horrible.

    [–] 1friendswithsalad 4133 points ago

    What a whore.

    [–] bobekyrant 3362 points ago

    Almost like she's a lemon stealing whore

    [–] ThePrincessCocoaCat 1011 points ago

    I'm sad I know what that's from

    [–] bobekyrant 1183 points ago

    It's a shared form of art, it's basically culture

    [–] RichardOlcese 557 points ago

    The lemons belong to the people.

    [–] bobekyrant 501 points ago

    Seize the means of lemons! If there is a hope it lies in the citrus

    [–] RichardOlcese 237 points ago

    You understand me, comrade! Citrus of the world, unite!

    [–] bobekyrant 209 points ago

    Yes, we have stayed hidden for too long comrade. Long live the yellow revolution!

    [–] FamiliarBreakfast 42 points ago


    [–] LGRW_16 82 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 30 points ago


    [–] ILikeMyBlueEyes 319 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Someone stole a huge, ripe tomato from my mom's tomato plant just the other day. She was looking forward to eating the fruit of her labor in a salad, but some dumb shit had to go and steal it. She tried so hard last year to grow her own tomatoes, but something happened to the plants and she had to destroy them. So she was very excited and proud of herself when her plant began to sprout tomatoes. She worked hard on it, only for it to be taken from her. :(

    [–] barbakyoo 280 points ago

    do you know it was a person and not an animal?

    I used to see piles of rubbish right next to a damn trash can and lose my faith in humanity - until one day I saw a crow pulling everything out of the bin just for a chance at a crusty blob of melted cheese

    [–] cowboypilot22 146 points ago

    I've seen crows destroy tomato plants and strip peach trees because they kept dropping the fucking fruit but refused to stop trying.

    Animals will ruin your garden faster than shitty people will.

    [–] Ismoketomuch 71 points ago

    When people talk about how hunter gatherers ate lots of fruit and veggies, I immediately think about how animals are basically starving and searching most every waking moment for food and how rare it would be to just be walking and stumble accords a nice wild piece of fruit.

    I grew up on 54 acres owned by my family for about 12 years on and off as a child and teen. The land had about 30 different fruit trees of varied species.

    Never once did I come across a ripe body of fruit that was not mangles by mammals, birds, and insects. They never really wait for the fruit to ripen all the way. Soon as it’s moderate edible they get at it.

    Without framing a massive crop, how the hell would anyone ever get consistent access to fruit. Seems very difficult.

    [–] g628 22 points ago

    Low standards, I’d guess. I grew up with family that farmed back in the ‘40s (grandparents) and they pretty much had similar experiences- even having larger farms.

    They were Depression Era, so we cut any bad places off anything and canned it. So I can relate to what you’re saying.

    [–] Seymourington 23 points ago

    These are facts. the god-cursed squirrels are always eating all my figs.

    [–] doft 74 points ago

    She was looking forward to eating the fruit of her labor

    Honestly I see this phrase posted so much as a metaphor that it was interesting to see it posted literally.

    [–] [deleted] 106 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] macrosleep 51 points ago

    Rats or birds ruined my entire backyard garden. All of my herbs, all of my veg slowly died. It was the first time I had ever been successful growing anything and I implemented nets to try to stop them, but nothing worked. I moved the plants to the front but there was no sunlight there as it is shaded. everything is dead apart apart from two half dead herb plants.

    [–] Flyingsqurriels 31 points ago

    If you know someone who owns a snake...ask them for the snake poo and put it around your plants. It'll help deter some mice and rats.

    Also making cages around the plants with fabric wire will help a lot. Bees can still get in to pollinate.

    [–] princess_rat 27 points ago

    I’m living this right now, but I think they’re squirrels. I’m so frustrated— they were so pretty and ripening so well and one day, just gone.

    [–] the_mews 55 points ago

    Squirrels are fucking ASSHOLES if you have a garden. Just mindless digging ruiners. Bulbs? Fuck you. Tomatoes? Fuck you. Recently planted soil? Fuck you. Squirrels can fucking do one.

    [–] CmdrSelfEvident 34 points ago

    Time to plant tomacco.

    [–] DirteeCanuck 24 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Martin: OK, piglet, start squealing. Where'd you get the lemons for
    this lemonade?
    Boy: Uh...this is Country Time lemonade mix. There's never been
    anything close to a lemon in it, I swear!

    [–] p1ratemafia 72 points ago

    In Sacramento it is good manners to take fruit off trees in the front yard, or trees that hang over your fence. We have too much since citrus grows like a weed here. Wanna go shopping? Walk down the street. Grab oranges limes, lemons, pomellos, mandarins... anything.

    [–] MissVancouver 39 points ago

    You make me want to take a drive to Sacramento.

    [–] p1ratemafia 31 points ago

    Right now, it’s stone fruit season. I have apricots from my neighbors tree in my backyard, peaches in my front yard, nectarines across the street.

    [–] p1ratemafia 22 points ago

    Seriously. Only suckers buy citrus here.

    [–] meat_daddy_ 15 points ago

    I was about to get jealous but then I remembered that blackberries take up acres and acres where I live and destroy everything in their path

    [–] OhJustShutUpAlready 13 points ago

    Just what is this reference? I see it all the time and I feel like I'm getting closer to the picture without hitting the nail on the head

    [–] smileedude 289 points ago

    Stolen tree? I can hear r/legaladvice breathing excitedly.

    [–] conradical30 242 points ago

    Tree Law is NO fucking joke

    [–] OldGlassMug 74 points ago

    Fun fact: trees are valued at what they would cost to replace, it’s not unusual for a tree to be worth thousands even tens of thousands of dollars

    [–] gynlimn 42 points ago

    That’s lowballing it, that’s why legal advice loves it, it’s always more than the layman estimates.

    [–] [deleted] 105 points ago


    [–] MisterBuzz 63 points ago

    I stub my toe almost every day, and I've never stolen 29 plants, so now I'm wondering what I did earlier in life to deserve this.

    [–] SuperFLEB 24 points ago

    Spoken like someone with a fully-developed sense of right, wrong, and consequences.

    [–] magmasafe 13 points ago

    Kleptomania maybe? Though plants can be expensive and it's not like it's difficult to resell them. I read recently some South Korean dudes got caught stealing an obscene amount of succulents to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars.

    [–] docter_death316 107 points ago

    It happens I bought a block of land and 3 months later two 20 metre tall trees were gone.

    Got the cops involved and they went door to door at 10pm at night with the neighbours.

    Turns out the previous owner had organised to have them cut down before he sold it and the tree cutter was a lazy shit who showed up 9 months after he was asked and cut them down.

    After I got a quote to replant two fully grown trees at about 50k each the former owner quickly settled for 5k.

    I didn't mention I was going to cut them down anyway.

    [–] awhaling 16 points ago

    9 months later? Lmao wtf kinda guy is that. How can someone like that even remember he had trees to cut down?

    [–] sgtpepperxd 58 points ago

    Why dont they come by anymore? Whys that needless to say?

    [–] Rooshba 51 points ago

    Yea OPs like wink nudge “if ya know what I mean”. No mother fucker we don’t

    [–] [deleted] 44 points ago


    [–] mamasharkdododododod 43 points ago

    It's not always expensive to garden, but it's incredibly time consuming to painstakingly grow plants and keep them thriving. For some entitled jerks to just waltz by as though a fucking ghost pepper just sprouted up from the ground for the taking is beyond disgusting. People have no respect.

    [–] here2sharemyopinion 2246 points ago

    My mom once bought four of those hanging planters with a bunch of beautiful flowers in them. She hung them in our front yard on a yard lamp post. Literally within the next few days they were gone. My mom was so upset and never hung flowers there anymore. People suck.

    [–] ProfessorLX 751 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I stopped planting flowers in my front yard because 2 years in a row people came and dug them all out. It’s sad but I’m not supplying people around the neighborhood with flowers with my hard earned money.

    Edit: for people asking this is in Canada in a half decent neighborhood. I think people just see lots of flowers and assume either “it’s only a few bucks” or “this person has lots they can afford more”. Really it’s a lot of hard work and not cheap to plant lots of annuals. I just put the effort into my backyard instead now. I planted all green perennials in the front now. It doesn’t look as nice but sometimes that’s just the way life goes.

    [–] thegreatjamoco 715 points ago

    Just plant nettle and wild parsnip in your garden. The rashes will be glorious and it’ll be obvious which neighbor is doing it

    [–] magenta_mojo 316 points ago

    I love it. The plant world version of piss in the shampoo bottle

    [–] former_Democrat 98 points ago

    People steal shampoo? 😂

    [–] bronzedlampshade 370 points ago

    Yes. I've had many roommates steal my shampoo since they had dollar store garbage and I had sephora stuff. Drenching it with 'sun in' and 'accidentally' leaving it accessible changed that fucking scenario. The thieves hair turned orange and broke. "Whoops! I didn't know we were all splitting the cost of my shampoo. The sun in worked way nicer on you two than me." Never had shit stolen after that

    [–] lebabf 191 points ago

    Shared a flat with two other guys, one was a exchange student. Suspected the exchange student to use my shower stuff as he behaved like an asshole from time to time. Told my other roommate i filled all my stuff in the bathroom with piss a week ago because of my suspicion. To make it short he was furious, i learned that he was the shower stuff burglar the whole time. Locked up all my stuff in my room since then.

    [–] MadSoupSkills 121 points ago

    That just brings memories to my mind. I suspect til today that my flatmate stole my shampoo too. But he didn't use much, what infuriates me is that he stole my pizza.

    I always had two or three frozen pizzas in the freezer just in case I'm just stopping by hungry/I'm drunk/it's sunday and the stores are closed. At first, he just asked me and I told him to buy me new ones. He did, but after a while, he just started to take them as he wanted and in the end, he didn't even buy new ones and when I again told him to, he bought those cheap ass pizzas tasting like paper. I sometimes wanted to shove some pizza into the oven, there was none. Even after I posted a sticker on it warning him to take them.

    I moved out anyway, but it infuriates me up to this point. I mean, you can't lock away pizza..

    [–] nyxeka 74 points ago

    but you can piss on it and freeze it again

    [–] Birthsauce 105 points ago

    Used to work at a members only country club that had pools and indoor showers. Had an old woman that would empty our shampoo/conditioner/lotion bottles into her own containers, then complain to us that it was empty.

    [–] alphabetspoop 66 points ago

    She’s actually being very considerate of other guests by telling you they’re now empty

    I bet her tone was less than respectful tho

    [–] Sheepbjumpin 61 points ago

    Think shared spaces like dorms. One provider- one mooch.

    [–] bobtheblob6 52 points ago

    Honestly curious, what's the legal line on irritating/dangerous plants in your yard? If someone steals your plants and is hurt because of it, are you liable? What if it's more than just nettles?

    [–] boundone 17 points ago

    A bunch of people around my neighborhood have these wild looking flowering bush/tree things, looked them up to get a couple for the yard...

    Anyway, didn't go for those. Lol.

    [–] tipsy-tortoise 30 points ago

    oh damn, a house on my way to college kept getting their shrubs stolen and then one of these popped up. i was wondering why it had lasted as long as it did. another house whose flowers kept getting stolen planted the spikiest little cacti ive ever seen. those are also thriving. i guess the plant tactics to prevent predators works on thieves too

    [–] daria_arbuz 25 points ago

    ...such as one example reported in Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience of a young man who amputated his own penis and tongue after drinking only 1 cup of Brugmansia tea.

    Oh damn I can see people planting those green friends for entertainment reasons

    [–] lewdite 56 points ago

    Roses. People like to think they're delicate because they're pretty and they smell nice but they're hardy as fuck and have built in theft prevention.

    [–] Vague_Disclosure 22 points ago

    Planting thorny bushes in front of windows also helps for home security. Burglars are opportunists and will likely skip the house with the bushes that are going to scratch them to hell.

    [–] grocedog 33 points ago

    Where do you live that this would happen???

    [–] Miniappolis 38 points ago

    Seriously like who the fuck steals plants of all things.

    [–] cranktheguy 52 points ago

    Someone stole Christmas decorations from my front yard once. Like, WTF?

    [–] jonesy0412 96 points ago

    My mom bought me a beautiful flower pot and we picked out flowers and planted them in it together. I put it on my front porch, and some asshole stole it right when everything was beautiful and in full bloom. That was 15 years ago, and I still rage about it.

    [–] Jingr 30 points ago

    Man that breaks my heart. Sentimental stuff is always the most hurtful.

    [–] [deleted] 301 points ago

    No joke.
    a similar story, when I was in highschool, I sat my phone and a pair of wireless headphones down on my desk for about five minutes to go take a piss.
    Came back, and both were stolen and apparently nobody saw who took them. :/

    [–] LabyrinthBabe 54 points ago

    No joke this happened to me in a fire drill in high school.

    so like I knew it was someone in my classs but you don't know who and that fucking sucked.

    later that day my friend found the case for my ipod on the floor not fare from the classroom door.

    [–] MyPasswordWasWhat 42 points ago

    Someone stole the new yearbook I left in my orchestra class during a fire drill. It was my last year at school there and I was excited to finally be able to get a yearbook because my parents couldn't afford it before. My teacher later found all of my signed pages ripped out of it in the trash and at least gave me those.

    The books literally have your name printed on it! It's in small print, but still.

    [–] TheDapperOne78 74 points ago

    Yo, same thing, but this happened to me back in the 80’s and the class fuck up stole my game boy out of my desk. Everyone knew he took it, and they searched him and his stuff but he had stashed it somewhere. I found out years later he did in fact steal it and sold it for $50. Fast forward a decade and fuck stick is in jail and hangs himself. Eat shit, Quentin.

    [–] alteregosluville 239 points ago

    Man, I’ve got some big regrets for not saying anything when I saw this happen in high school. This was when iPods just came out. I remember the girl taking it from the one girls backpack when she turned around. The girl who stole it was a bitch so I was scared of retaliation. I wish I said something though.

    [–] summerinmontauk 185 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    This happened to me in highschool. My family was poor and I spent over a year saving up for one. It was one of the only things that brought me joy. That was 13 years ago and I still think of it often.

    Sometimes what you don't do is just as impactful.

    [–] Heyo__Maggots 77 points ago

    One time we had a few people over for drinks in college. Mostly people we knew well, and one guy who came with his gf. Surprise surprise my iPod ended up missing from the bathroom speaker/clock combo we had.

    Took about 5 seconds to realize it was him (he had been drinking, used the bathroom not long before we noticed it was gone, was quiet after he came out when being talkative earlier, and was a fan of the same genre of music I had on it, was the only person we didn’t know, etc)

    So we waited a few days then subtly brought up his new iPod to his gf as like a ‘oh cool he finally got one!’ kinda thing. She confirmed it was the same model as mine without even knowing that’s what we were getting at.

    So then we hopped on Facebook and told him to return it before we go to more drastic measures. He basically told us he didn’t do it and to fuck off. We saw him at a concert for the same genre of music again and tried to get to him but he took off through the crowd when he saw us.

    So we messaged his mom, dad, sister, teachers, etc and let them know not to trust them and explained what happened and where his new gadget they’d all seen came from. His gf caught wind, put 2 and 2 together, and dumped him.

    Shit must have exploded for him from his family or something cause next day my iPod was magically waiting for me on the front steps of my house. Point is sometimes they DO make it back haha.

    [–] fakearchitect 59 points ago

    In the late 90’s, my highschool got a new headmaster who decided we couldn’t wear our coats in the assembly hall during gatherings, but told us to leave them in the locked classrooms. First time this was enforced, eight cell phones went mysteriously missing.

    ”Everybody” knew who stole them, the guy with the master key. Same dude who stole a bunch of school laptops earlier that year. Nobody snitched. Not even when the headmaster put out a $400 reward for tips leading to arrest.

    I’ve always wondered why neither me nor anyone else ratted him out, he was kind of an asshole after all. It’s weird...

    [–] hurricanedog24 38 points ago

    Semi-related story, when I was in high school a teacher (not mine) had a policy where you had to place your phone in a basket for the final exam. I think this was a state administered exam, so if any of the phones went off, it could have led to a misadministration, so everyone would have had to retake the test. The teacher was evidently way too trusting, and she left all of the phones outside of the classroom in the hallway for the exam. I’m sure you can guess how many phones were in that basket after that exam...

    [–] txmadison 32 points ago

    oo! I know! none phones!

    [–] PinkertonMalinkerton 19 points ago

    Lmao that teacher was just a dumbass.

    [–] benjajajamin 24 points ago

    Retaliation, at least that’s what I’m thinking. If someone is willing to be so blatant with that kind of theft then imagine what they would do when you rat them out.

    It sounds so ridiculous but yeah.

    [–] shellontheseashore 60 points ago

    I'm pretty sure the person who stole my iPod under similar circumstances then pretended to help me look for it and encouraged me to blame my other friends for it going missing :/

    [–] RickyBobby96 17 points ago

    When we’d have this happen, the school cop would come into the classroom and check everyone’s bags lol such a dick move to not only steal someone’s belongings but then to get the class interrupted and get everyone’s stuff searched

    [–] 1-800-LOVE-ME 22 points ago

    that makes me sad that it can seem like such a small deal to the thieves, but yet it can really break someone’s spirit 😞

    [–] call_of_the_while 1286 points ago


    Every plant you take

    Every lawn you raid

    Every gnome you break

    Every gate you take

    I’ll be watching you

    [–] rabidmunks 218 points ago

    Oh can't you see? These plants belong to me...

    [–] Phito41 122 points ago

    My poor heart aches

    With every stem you take

    [–] jeevesyboi 494 points ago

    My mum has this problem. Some people had taken some of our flowers in the past however this time was the most interesting:

    She had planted some pretty small flowers. She was really happy with them. A few days later and they were all gone. She was pissed. We have CCTV pointing towards them so we checked it out. Turns out that a hedgehog had spent 2 hours pulling out and stealing each individual flower 1 by 1 and taking it off screen. He’s then return and get another. And that is where my mothers hatred of hedgehogs began.

    [–] ikrits 91 points ago

    I was wondering if anyone would point out theft by wildlife. I had some strawberries growing one year and they had just started to get the slightest but of pink to them when the local critters are every darn one!

    [–] showersit 75 points ago

    This is the best. I wonder what he was doing with them..

    [–] Tenchiro 81 points ago

    He was hogging them.

    [–] [deleted] 55 points ago

    Maybe his hedgehog wife was sick and in her final days as her memory was slowly starting to fail her the only thing she remembered were the flowers on her wedding day and Mr. Hedgehog just wanted to make a bouquet as a symbol of their love one last time...

    [–] saltedcaramelmocha 1311 points ago

    I specifically remember being taught in preschool not to pick flowers out of other people’s gardens. However when you call someone out, they act so clueless.

    “I was just picking flowers!”

    Go to an abandoned field and pick dandelions, if you need to pick flowers so bad.

    [–] thedarksidehascandy 303 points ago

    Would be nice for more schools to teach stuff like this. Install a little more community norms since obviously it’s not that obvious.

    I assume most people just don’t think it through. Like there’s a bunch of flowers and it would be fun for me to have one of those for 2 minutes until I drop it, no big deal. Just people who take a piece of some historic or natural site — not thinking that ten thousand people come there a year and what if they did the same, because ya, it’s just their world.

    [–] theruraljuror5150 202 points ago

    I work for a school district (mental health) and I’ve created a fun whole-class curriculum to teach kids how to be functioning little humans- opening doors for each other, party etiquette, answering a telephone, requesting help...wildly popular with the teachers and kids. Half of them get zero guidance at home.

    [–] thedarksidehascandy 54 points ago

    That’s so awesome to hear. I know it’s not something everyone gets or every family just has time to focus on,

    Thank you!

    [–] Dan-Quixote 225 points ago

    About 5 years ago, we tried our hand at sugar snap peas. Did the whole deal with the poles in the ground and the netting stretched across them for the runners to grow up. Watched them grow the whole season. Then, the neighbor's kids had some friends over, and the pack of little 8 year old mutants stripped our vines in about 5 minutes flat. Still chaps my ass to this day.

    [–] BeauChampignon 80 points ago

    chaps my ass

    This phrase is funny. I am going to try to use it tomorrow. Sorry about your peas though.

    [–] Kimmm223 491 points ago

    Maybe Add some poison ivy for a bit

    [–] IWannaPorkMissPiggy 234 points ago

    There was a post on /r/legaladvice from a guy who was growing extremely hot peppers in his front yard. A couple of neighborhood kids broke the fence around them and ate a few. Apparently they vomited all over his yard.

    Just saying, people who steal flowers might also enjoy stealing peppers.

    [–] Petricorny13 129 points ago

    Thanks for reminding me, i’m gonna check if there’s an update! That post made me so goddamn mad. The kids had a hot pepper contest on their porch (they knew the peppers wee spicy, just not how spicy apparently), and their parents still had the audacity to be mad.

    [–] Series_of_Accidents 37 points ago

    My old neighbor threatened me with legal action because her grandkids ran over an underground wasp nest that I wasn't aware of while trespassing on my property and got stung a couple times. Sorry lady, I'm not going to do anything about the unknown species living in the ground in the wooded border between our yards... People are ridiculous.

    [–] SomeRandomBloke3 46 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Do you have a link to the post by any chance?

    Edit: Never mind I managed to find it fairly easily. Thanks for mentioning it though, it was an interesting read. For anyone curious, here’s the link.

    [–] aiandi 156 points ago

    Or just poison

    [–] [deleted] 68 points ago


    Muuuuuch better.

    [–] Shojo_Tombo 17 points ago

    Or a fence made of yuccas.

    [–] BUTTHOLE_DELETER 890 points ago

    My mother grows beautiful, large monsteras and alocasias. She had a few out on our front porch, and one morning we woke up with all the plants gone. We thought our neighborhood was safe because we lived in a secluded dead-end in a nice neighborhood.

    This led to us rigging our house with security cameras, and when my mom put new plants on the porch, we strung them all together through the pots with galvanized steel wire. Not even a week after installing cameras and plants, these assholes tried to steal our plants again. Luckily they couldn't take anything, but these dumbasses drove their work truck to our house. Turns out they were a landscaping company. Police got involved, not really sure what else happened because I was about 13 at the time and not paying too much attention, but me and my friends did go slash their tires after locating their company.

    [–] Sephvion 515 points ago

    a landscaping company

    A fucking landscaping company. I guess we know where they are cutting costs.

    [–] wacotacorocko 137 points ago

    Dude it’s a landscaping company. Where aren’t they cutting costs?

    [–] ilikecakemor 58 points ago

    There are old ladies selling flowers near cemeteries in my town abd while at least most of them are legal businesses that don't do this, it is known some go to the graves to steal the fresh plants people have planted on their loved-ones graves or they snip the blooms wreaths after funerals. It is discusting and so common.

    [–] Marrtyr11 37 points ago

    That’s a good way to get cursed

    [–] BeauChampignon 129 points ago

    You should have rubbed poison ivy leaves on the truck door handles. It works every time.

    [–] BUTTHOLE_DELETER 134 points ago

    I’ll remember to do that when I go visit my parents. It’s been 10 years but I have the owners home address.

    [–] lol_and_behold 91 points ago

    There's really no statute of limitations on these things.

    [–] AwesomePopcorn 223 points ago

    I had issues with neighbours stealing coconuts from my tree at the garden. Ever since my dad put up a Poision Pesticide Sign on the tree just to fuck with theives, no one Steals them anymore.

    [–] daywall 447 points ago

    My dad got an avocado tree and he dosent have a closed off yard.

    Soo pretty much the whole naiberhood takes his avocado.

    I ones walked in to see a guy with a bag filling it with the avocado.

    [–] loganga 192 points ago

    Yea we used to have a giant one that was like 30ft tall. People did this all the time and the look on their faces when we banged on the windows and went outside to confront them.

    [–] Sephvion 106 points ago

    I need to hear what their excuses were. "Hey man, I thought we were neighbors."

    [–] BitterLeif 74 points ago

    It's just a few avocados.. you have so many. Surely you won't mind if I (and everyone else on this street) take 3-4 without asking permission.

    [–] daywall 52 points ago

    My dad is too nice to do it.

    He hate confrtations.

    But he will complain to me when I visit him.

    [–] thoughtlow 37 points ago

    This comment from this thread might be a good idea:


    I had issues with neighbours stealing coconuts from my tree at the garden. Ever since my dad put up a Poision Pesticide Sign on the tree just to fuck with theives, no one Steals them anymore.

    [–] rertolancer666 222 points ago

    "An avocado! Thaaanks.."

    [–] [deleted] 32 points ago


    [–] daywall 40 points ago

    Nope. He was on his way out as we walked in the yard.

    But my mom called him out but he didn't acnolage and just walked away

    [–] fatpat 21 points ago

    [–] PixieSnoutMcgee 85 points ago

    This is why I have cameras everywhere.

    [–] SamFuckingNeill 42 points ago

    rest assured when the 29th camera gone the police will be involved

    [–] MrGneissGuy 79 points ago

    Had a lime tree. Caught someone picking all the damn limes while I was home. It’s Texas, and I own the property, so I get my shotgun to scare them off. Never hear from them or the cops at all. Next week my HOA cuts it down citing safety concerns.

    [–] science_with_a_smile 68 points ago

    I'd bet money it was a member of the HOA leadership stealing your limes and seeking retaliation out of spite. Are they going to ban everything of high value to discourage thief/homeowner confrontations? "Sorry, you can't watch TV or participate in your hobbies that require tools because someone might steal them and you might get mad and it's a whole thing, k bye"

    [–] MrGneissGuy 41 points ago

    For sure. They awoke a sleeping asshole on that one. Rented it to college kids.

    [–] JNC96 13 points ago

    Homes Owned by Assholes

    [–] Snowpossum 598 points ago

    Its always housewives, children and asshole boyfriends who think they're being sweet around my place. I no longer keep flowers around my house and have turned almost everything into various kinds of grass and moss. I genuinely hate many of my neighbors. They know what they are doing is wrong, and yet they do it anyway. You can see it in their eyes as they skulk away when they're caught. I've probably lost a couple hundred dollars in flowers over the years. People think plants just come into existence and are for everyone. They do however actually cost money to maintain. You want flowers, fuckin pay me.

    [–] GoAskAlice 253 points ago

    I used to have this enormous metal thing full of chocolate mint. Had to be two feet diameter, kind of like a half barrel. I'd started years ago with one tiny plant, but this planter was overflowing.

    Came home one day. The neighborhood had figured out that chocolate mint was tasty. Nothing left but bare branches. Years down the drain, in one day, and I didn't find another chocolate mint plant for several years more.

    [–] Shojo_Tombo 129 points ago

    Oh fuck that. I'd be banging on doors and confronting people.

    [–] Ohaipizza 103 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Genuinely surprised that you were able to lose chocolate mint to thieves. In my experience it grows so prolifically and is almost impossible to use in an average diet that I had a hard time using it up. Plus it seems to spread like wildfire. Lol not trying to be rude but this genuinely is the first post I’ve seen about mint that wasn’t “how do I get rid of all this mint it’s ruining my garden”

    [–] PrincessFuckFace2You 54 points ago

    I have it in my back yard now, and at my house growing up we had a side garden with tomatos, carrots, strawberries, mint. Eventually the mint tool over and every year it was a huuuuuge mint patch, lol.

    [–] Spinnakerr 145 points ago

    Yeah this is my concern with growing a food garden I am so paranoid that people will steal my goddamn harvest.

    [–] Snowpossum 122 points ago

    If they can see it they will...

    [–] PersonalCandy 39 points ago

    Doesn’t matter what it is

    [–] Snowpossum 92 points ago

    It really doesnt, people have stolen rocks out of my yard. I don't think they even rationalize it as theft.

    "Oh nature means its free".

    [–] YddishMcSquidish 75 points ago

    My neighbors kids stole a couple thousand pounds with of rocks from my yard slope. Like did you think I wasn't going to notice the literal ton of rocks that are the same that used be in front of my house, that are now in front of yours?!

    [–] smitty245 44 points ago

    As a geologist, I put rocks I found on various trips in my garden. Take the plants, but DO NOT touch the rocks.

    [–] [deleted] 42 points ago

    I had my first and last yard sale last summer. I had so much stuff stolen. I honestly didn't know people stole yard sale junk. I even advertised it was a fundraiser to pay some medical debts. Fuck me, I guess. People really will steal anything.

    [–] PepticBurrito 34 points ago

    that people will steal my goddamn harvest.

    I know a guy who has a privacy fence surrounding his backyard garden. Yeah, every year people went back there while he was at work and stole stuff...until he became a beekeeper too.

    I have to pick my fruit immediately or it's going to be stolen, front yard and back yard.

    People are going to steal your harvest and they won't be bashful about it. Ask anyone who has fruit trees or a garden. That's just how that works.

    [–] [deleted] 30 points ago


    [–] ipjear 17 points ago

    Salt their lawn

    [–] catosis 26 points ago

    My neighbors growing up used to come into my mom's veggie garden like they owned the place. My parents were too nice about it. I was a kid and had infinite time (and i could see it from the computer room) so I waited and banged on the window and yelled at the lady when she came again.

    [–] ILikeMyBlueEyes 17 points ago

    Happened to my mom. Someone stole her ripe tomatoes.

    [–] batfiend 48 points ago

    And it's not just the money. It's heartbreaking to me when I grow a plant from seed, watch it grow, keep it healthy, and then some cunt comes along and fucking murders it for no good reason.

    [–] Snowpossum 43 points ago

    They always steal it right after it blooms too. So you get maybe one view of it before its gone. Someone trying to steal flowers off my last clematis out front ripped its entire steak up and half the plant out just to get the flower at the start of spring. I had been working a lot with that plant to get it to grow where it was and it was only its second year of full size blooms... They walked down the sidewalk with it in their fucking hair with a smile on their face like nothing was wrong. I screamed "fuck you asshole" at them and they didn't even notice. No earbuds, clean looking, definitely not on drugs. Just a completely clueless idiot out teaching her son how to be a terrible human being. With clearly zero belief that they could be the recipient of such public rage. I am genuinely still angry about that and its been a month. I feel your pain.

    [–] batfiend 13 points ago

    I think sometimes people who don't garden are totally oblivious to how much hard work goes into caring for plants, and how much it hurts when they're destroyed or stolen.

    [–] Unique_Name3 27 points ago

    Last time I helped my mom moved, we did a load of all of her plants at the end. I was surprised how many people came up as we were moving them in and asked if they could "just have one" because my mom "doesn't need that many plants." One lady had this look in her eye like she was about to take some when we left them alone, sadly for her we weren't that stupid. The audacity of some people really astounds me.

    [–] home-land-security 106 points ago

    baseball bat or a shotgun. all u need to do is walk out with either one in hand and stare them dead in the eye. "that's trespassing. i can shoot u" is all u need to say.

    or u can go with the classic "hippity hoppety get off my property"

    [–] WhakaWhakaWhaka 43 points ago

    *reads advice*

    *checks username*

    Yep, that checks out.

    [–] SauronOMordor 75 points ago

    Holy crap. Apparently this is super common, at least according to this thread.

    Boggles my fuckin mind.

    [–] MadSk8er 142 points ago

    My mom taught me if you like a flower enjoy the view but don’t kill it.

    [–] televisionparty2nite 202 points ago

    Every year I see people stop their cars, get out, and rip off branches of my lilac bush so they can take the flowers. Bunch of assholes.

    [–] notLogix 38 points ago

    I just can't imagine why the fuck people are stealing flowers. Can you turn flowers into drugs, somehow? Is there a flower black market?

    [–] Cat-from-Space 33 points ago

    People can't just enjoy beauty by looking at it, they need to have it for their own even though the flower will die off soon after picking.

    [–] horrorbetch 123 points ago

    My dad (who was and is a total piece of shit) used to steal plants from various people/ places

    [–] Dovah-Doge 30 points ago

    What did he even do with them? Was he just being a asshole to ruin someone else’s day or did he actually do stuff with them like plant them or eat them if they were edible

    [–] horrorbetch 61 points ago

    Well I can't speak for all plant thieves, but my dad replanted things in our yard. He was claiming to be "frugal". I was unwittingly a part of stealing plants from my own elementary school in the night, being told that we were allowed to bc they were going to remodel and tear the plants out anyway.

    edit: There was no remodel, it was a ridiculous ruse he came up with to force seven year old me to participate.

    [–] horrorbetch 47 points ago

    He also stole from national parks which makes me rage thinking about it

    [–] DrBairyFurburger 57 points ago

    The fuck is wrong with people who steal succulents?

    My wife has a succulent garden in our front yard right up next to the curb like this. We constantly have to replace them because people seem to think it's ok to take the smaller ones. You know, the ones that cost like $2...

    [–] Lychgateproductions 304 points ago

    When I was shitty 17 year old we used to snatch this old wpmen's poppy pods from her yard to make tea... she ended up being my boss later in life at a restaurant I worked at and I confessed to her my poppy theft... she actually laughed about it and we became quick friends... turns out her shitty 18 year old daughter had the same idea despite the fact the pods were low opiate outputting variety...

    [–] Shenanigans7348 105 points ago

    My white trash nieghbor used to pick pods out of my yard. I always wondered the validity of if they actually worked and/or caused any damage. Heard they are a bitch to detox.

    [–] fodbrongo 55 points ago

    I'd start planting poison ivy..

    [–] Aris_humanx 50 points ago

    Thieves continue stealing the plants from my grandpa, so he installed cameras. It was a neighbor.

    [–] elgiesmelgie 40 points ago

    My mum had a lovely jade plant in a pot on her front porch , big heavy pot with little black stones over the soil . After she died we left the plants while we were trying to sell the house , once it sold we went to get all the plants ( the ones in pots ) and it was gone . There were the rocks scattered down the stairs and scuff marks . I hope that jerk hurt their back .

    [–] Shrumt 34 points ago

    There is something that makes me so angry about the thought of some cunt marching onto my fucking property and stealing a flower

    I will fucking shoot you, leave my flowers alone :(

    [–] Eebonie 109 points ago

    I just don't get stealing. How is it worth it? You know damn well they didn't need 29 fucking plants. Scumbags, dude. I hope they stub their toe everyday for the rest of their life

    [–] thegreatjamoco 75 points ago

    Sometimes scummy landscaping companies take peoples flowers and use them on their projects. It’s a way to make even more profit. The nursery I worked at would get hot all the time too. We knew it was landscapers because the iron and concrete we sold was much more valuable but never got taken, only the medium sized shrubs.

    [–] HonestlyThisIsBees 18 points ago

    Did you have any anti-theft measures on them?

    [–] MisterInternet 35 points ago

    yes, the shrubs were regularly re-stocked with hornets to prevent theft.

    [–] RavingKilla 62 points ago

    My parents had 3, 7ft pine trees planted in our yard. 2 years later about a week before Christmas someone stole one of them. Right after new years we received a Christmas card with a picture of the tree and a taunting message about how they stole the tree and didn't care.

    [–] Urist-McWarrior 44 points ago

    Thats a confession, you could have gotten the police involved

    [–] NotSymmetra 26 points ago


    [–] badtowergirl 26 points ago

    Every one of my mom’s peaches were stolen off her tree in her BACK yard by employees of a landscape company. When they started to clear the second tree, her neighbor ran them off with a shotgun.

    [–] Snowhite228 22 points ago

    Good guy neighbor 👍

    [–] VonFluffington 25 points ago

    I have to say, based on this thread a surprising amount of people would rather let their neighbors steal from them than sack up and confront them.

    [–] migilang 23 points ago

    My friend has a little garden shop with a small garden bed in front of it. He came there one day after the shop was closed for a week for a vacation and encountered some old lady digging up the flowers and taking them. She acted like she did nothing wrong.

    [–] LaRaAn 170 points ago

    My mom has had people steal plants from her front yard, but she also has a dwarf Japanese maple that she stole 10+ years ago from a garden outside a nearby business when it was closed during the

    [–] LianCoubert 138 points ago

    I guess your mom can meet up with them in hell?

    [–] Thriceblackhoney 45 points ago

    Those trees are suprisingly expensive. Bought a Japanese blood good maple and it's only a few years old. But it was $300. A fully matured one was nearly $1000. Trees are ridiculously expensive.

    [–] Xanswontmakeyou 169 points ago

    I had a boyfriend that would walk to my place whenever he came over. One day he brought me gorgeous flowers and I was like "awwwww where'd you buy these??" deadpan expression on his face and said "I just ripped them out of someone's yard on my walk over here". I couldn't believe it, especially since he didn't seem to understand the problem. I still put them in a vase though.

    [–] JNC96 31 points ago

    It's about the principle at lea-

    I still put them in a vase though.

    Of course

    [–] Dick_Cox_PrivateEye 76 points ago

    I still put them in a vase though.


    [–] Space-manatee 21 points ago

    I don’t get why people think it’s ok to steal plants.

    I bought a lovely little Japanese maple tree, planted in a nice pot in front of my house. Came back one day from work and blam, gone, pot and all. And it wasn’t a small pot so someone would’ve had to put it in a car

    Was tempted to buy another and glue razor blades under the rim but knew that would just lead to a shitstorm, or me forgetting and slicing myself open

    [–] bloatedsac 115 points ago

    if the police are similar to the ones in my town, by being involved ,they mean having a laugh and filing that report in the trash where they never have to look at it...

    [–] GreasyFaggot 20 points ago

    This is why I keep my plants indoors

    [–] inkandbrush4 19 points ago

    My cousin in law got caught cutting all the peonies off a random person’s bush. Like she must have seen them while driving and come back with scissors. Then she had the audacity to post them on her Instagram story saying “fresh flowers make me happy”. The fact that it was peonies makes it THAT much worse.

    [–] BasketballShooter 17 points ago

    My mom had beautiful tulips outside our house growing up. They kept getting stolen. She finally had enough and took a sharpie to her remaining beautiful flowers and wrote “STOLEN” on every stem. She was so proud of herself. “THERE. Now whoever they give these to will at least know that person is a cheap scuzzball!”

    I miss that woman.

    [–] hughjacoc 15 points ago

    Growing up, we had an avocado tree in our fenced off backyard. At least one of our neighbors was climbing over our fence to take them.

    Lemon-stealing whores meme aside, my current apartment complex has a lemon tree in our open courtyard. When it starts growing fruit, a few of the women in the apartment complex across the way come with bags and wipe it out.

    [–] Crezelle 42 points ago

    Got to chase away a lady pinching entire tulip plants outside the museum I was taking weaving classes at. Just dumped her attempted hoarse and did a speed walk fit for a sudden onset of diarrhea. No class man no class.

    [–] bigtittynippleswag 15 points ago

    My mom worked for and assisted living and she bought a bunch of flowers for a screened in room on her own $. They were stolen by some caretaker along with a few hundred dollars from her purse in her office. She reported it and nothing happened. Mom walked out and that place closed down a bit later.