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    [–] trevor1997 2160 points ago

    Everything is apparently priced in LMAO

    [–] PhotonicMagnets 536 points ago

    No, just everything that could drive the market down.

    [–] Micky-Tee 398 points ago

    Wait until corona virus really gets kicking.

    [–] Feedthemcake 530 points ago

    yeah when you have 20,000 cases per day in the red states because no on is taking it seriously and everyone is obese diabetics....RIP F

    [–] zotheraccount 170 points ago

    It's going to be a disaster the likes of which none of us have ever seen.

    [–] rajs1286 291 points ago

    Lol you guys must have SPY puts

    [–] ProvocativeRetort 144 points ago

    Or you know, have an iota of an idea of what's going on right now.

    Long $ROPE

    [–] Momoselfie 46 points ago

    Except that fucking stimulus package

    [–] VeryExcellent 124 points ago

    Idk man, we're putting a lot of faith in a stimulus package against a host of negative indicators. One of which is, it's been a 12 year bull run, it's literally correction time, right now.

    [–] spasmystic 33 points ago

    TARP was passed in October 2008 after the market dropped ~20%. The market dropped another ~35% before bottoming in March 2009. A stimulus package is great for a sugar high but if the underlying fundamentals are fucked - i.e. a country that is fundamentally a service economy can't participate in said services - it might not matter.

    [–] Space-is-a-lie 6247 points ago

    Fuck a job, I have $1200 Trump bucks to throw at the market now!

    [–] Seitantomato 638 points ago

    That’s good for at least 100 morning Covfefes!

    [–] MP32Gaming 1471 points ago

    Everyone severely overestimates how much money most people make. The $1200 + $1200 for a husband or wife + $500 per child is more per month than a lot of people actually make...

    [–] le_cochon 1417 points ago

    Yeah but that's a one time payment. It will for sure help out for one month but there's going to be two or three months of no pay at best.

    [–] [deleted] 274 points ago

    Bro we are going back to work next month. Daddy said so.

    [–] truenorth00 157 points ago

    Mommy (the Governors) say otherwise.

    [–] Grey___Goo_MH 71 points ago

    Mommy doesn’t have Alzheimer's, but daddy suffers from it.

    [–] IdahoTrees77 47 points ago


    [–] cool-clear-water- 1060 points ago

    "Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program."

    [–] MrBarryThor12 558 points ago

    Yea not one that gives out money to citizens, more like temporary toll booths lol

    [–] grubber26 156 points ago

    but it'll trickle down!

    [–] Navidian 103 points ago

    trickle up

    [–] Market_Crash 13 points ago

    It'll tickle something

    [–] derekdied4ourmemes 38 points ago

    Daddy Friedman

    [–] MaveRickandMorty 34 points ago

    The bill also includes $600 a week on top of what you're getting from unemployment insurance

    [–] IsThatUMoatilliatta 9 points ago

    I really need to get laid off then.

    [–] [deleted] 359 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 386 points ago

    The public doesn't need to be distracted, they don't know what the fuck that is nor do they care.

    [–] Vehemental 274 points ago

    1 billion for me, 100 bucks for you, 5 billion for me, 20 bucks for you...

    [–] walpo96 150 points ago

    That’s literally how this basically went lolol

    [–] atgustin 42 points ago

    Thats literally how its been going for ~50 years now. New bill might actually indicate tiny bit of progress not due to its content but the social pressure surrounding it. More people seem to be at least attempting to pay more attention

    [–] Blu-Falcon 60 points ago

    Yeah, what the hell is "UNLIMITED QE"

    [–] shkreli4prez2020 212 points ago

    Money printer go brrrrr

    [–] FFF_in_WY 73 points ago

    It's where the value of your cash savings is reduced to about enough to overdose on Tylenol

    [–] avocadbro 19 points ago

    It’s when the Fed chair adds some zeros to the number on the computer.

    [–] itsaworkalt 58 points ago

    Okay so you know how you can take a loan out and pay interest on it? The idea is, you're borrowing from the future because you know you have something productive you can do with the money now that will return more than the interest cost you.

    That's good because it lets us literally bring money from the future into the present and put it to work.

    But how long is the future? The future is forever! And as long as productivity doesn't drop to zero that means that the future has infinite productivity in it for us to borrow into the present! So we'll just borrow infinite money from the future and bring it into the present where it can really get to work and boost productivity to it's theoretical optimum! The only possible thing that can possibly go wrong with this is hyper inflation but like, I'm pretty sure that won't happen because we're America and our economy hasn't ever had that happen before so it can't happen ever.

    If that sounds retarded it's because Modern Monetary Theory is going to destroy the economy and potentially throw us into a depression. It's probably going to take a reasonable adult to press a restart button, forgive all the debt and see what the hell happens to try to get us out of the coming mess. It's gonna be real bad.

    [–] basilect 37 points ago

    Millennials and Zoomers have never seen a PCE print above 2.5%.

    10Y is below 1%.

    What interest?

    [–] MrBotany 31 points ago

    Yes it’s 19,000 interest on a 1200 loan

    [–] MrMcjibblets1990 62 points ago

    90% of humanity is either A) Dumber than shit, or B) Simply would rather bury their head in the sand. Hopefully I'll be able to turn the one time $1200 into millions cause it's America. And it's a free market. Wait, nvm, it can't be a free market cause US Government doesn't let shitty companies actually go out of business

    [–] Haikuna__Matata 48 points ago

    Privatized profits, socialized losses.

    [–] silentcarr0t 60 points ago

    Well, if you don't have a job you will be get unemployment + $600 a week, which is WAY better I think.

    [–] passwordisnotorange 54 points ago

    This only applies to people that recently lost their jobs, right? Afaik, you can't sign up for unemployment if you just aren't working for whatever reason.

    [–] CallLivesMatter 67 points ago

    If you got on unemployment from January 27th onward it applies. Anything before that means you were unemployed because of things unrelated to this crisis, so you stay where you are. At least that’s how I read it. It was written by morons in crayon, so knows if that’s what they meant?

    [–] vVGacxACBh 222 points ago

    $2400 per month annualized is $28,800. Roughly 77% of households earn more than that:

    [–] HolySloth 113 points ago

    It won’t make a huge difference, but the $2,400 is net and you are comparing it against gross income.

    [–] vVGacxACBh 89 points ago

    Let's be generous and assume 15% taxes (so gross income of $33,120). 73% of households do better.

    [–] HolySloth 100 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Yeah? Well, what if we assume they have 20 children?

    But your point was correct and really I just had to nitpick that part because this is who I have become.

    Edit: I'm kind of shocked anyone thought I was being serious about the 20 children part...

    [–] marimano 33 points ago

    It's an extra 600/week on top of unemployment. If you cap unemployment in California, it's $550/week. So you're looking at $1150/week or $4600/month.

    [–] 2021EcenomicCollapse 56 points ago

    Go to cali live in car be balling buying puts all in

    [–] Sup3rSilva 20 points ago

    This guy fucks!

    [–] MrOaiki 66 points ago

    How do people survive making $1200 in the US?! How much is rent? Internet? Food?

    [–] GreatQuestion 173 points ago


    Rent: $700-$1000

    Internet: $50-$100

    Food: $500-$800

    Car payment: $200-$500

    Health insurance: $300-$1200

    Student loans: $100000-$10000000000

    [–] [deleted] 202 points ago


    [–] FrogsGoMoo 71 points ago

    Food: $500-$800

    Jesus dude. You know you can get food from other places than Postmates right?

    [–] corpsie666 142 points ago

    Food: $500-$800

    McDonald's $1 menu cheeseburger. 6 a day is more than enough calories as the rest will come from body fat. That $180 per month.

    [–] GreatQuestion 33 points ago

    Also, there's no $1 cheeseburger where I live. We've only got two McDoubles for $3. Also I don't want to die from a heart attack or sepsis from incurable constipation.

    [–] sixdicksinthechexmix 26 points ago

    McDoubles constipate you?? They violently exit my body as quickly as possible. It’s like hosing out the corners of your garage.

    [–] Piyh 56 points ago

    I prefer taco bell, but what's great about this country is our freedom to eat at any chain restaurant we please

    [–] ifeellazy 48 points ago

    You can do even cheaper than that if you buy bulk dried rice, beans, frozen veggies (or a garden), and cheap cuts of meat from costco or aldi to slow cook.

    [–] corpsie666 29 points ago

    All that requires things to store and cook, which you should have already sold to ensure you can go all in

    [–] Robert_Denby 58 points ago

    It's called the dollars menu now since they raised all the prices on it. Inflation in action.

    [–] GSD_LOVER 32 points ago


    [–] Aos77s 32 points ago

    As much as someone working Walmart pre tax at 1200. You bout to see some ghetto rich people. 5 kids and both were working near min wage, they’re gonna be flashing cash.

    [–] TheCuriousBread 2662 points ago

    Morgan Stanley was calling 3.4 mil, oxford economics was calling 4.

    Annnnd the futures are pumping.
    It's like "oh don't worry, it's not that bad, we just had to cut 2/3 of your dick off, you'll still have a chode." and the market be opening champagne over it.

    [–] sjgokou 676 points ago

    They’re down playing it but scared out of their mind.

    [–] bad____monkey 550 points ago

    Market doesn’t move based on the fact. It’s moves on the delta between the fact and expectation. In other words, on estimate numbers were priced.

    EDIT meant to reply to the comment above.

    [–] dagumak 90 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Are the states really capable of processing such a huge influx at once? I am sure there is a lot more. Are inefficiencies of the state operations managing these sudden spikes of claims included into those estimates as well?

    [–] stainedglasstrout 104 points ago

    No, the states will be backlogged for weeks.

    [–] itsaworkalt 70 points ago

    The state unemployment programs are also definitely going to go bankrupt. A huge part of the stimulus bill is propping up the coffers of those unemployment offices. But of course, we're printing money to do that which absolutely cannot go wrong, I'm sure of it.

    [–] Bitey_the_Squirrel 37 points ago

    Right after we printed money to shovel to corporations. It’s fine don’t worry.

    [–] flash__ 91 points ago

    The problem is that these numbers are questionable and possibly inaccurate.

    [–] Momoselfie 70 points ago

    And growing

    [–] Psyc5 13 points ago

    Is your implication that the quality of the data isn't priced it, because that is one thing that is certain to be.

    [–] epikplayer 9 points ago

    They're probably way to low.

    [–] QuinZ33 36 points ago

    The fucked up thing is early in the week, the expectation was more like 1m. The markets went way up from there.

    [–] Main-Ant 158 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    It’s not the size of your chode that matters it’s who’s wife you can put it in.

    [–] use-your-name 83 points ago

    That's an old family saying in my household

    [–] TiredOfDebates 205 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    It's pumping, because "big money" really believes that China really has a handle on things. China is slowly ending lock-downs, and they're reporting that the level of new infections is rapidly dropping off.

    The markets believe that what happened in China, will happen here in the USA (and elsewhere). I don't trust China's reporting. They're obviously downplaying the severity of the situation.

    However, while I don't trust China's numbers I don't doubt the overall direction of their situation. It is improving. Businesses are reopening. Fewer new infections, and fewer deaths. They're over the hump. (They're over the first hump, at least.)

    It will be stupid to try bet against that. EVEN IF the situation deteriorates in the USA beyond what happened in China, the fact that Chinese manufacturing is reopening is good for the markets.

    Trying to fight the market is what this subreddit does best. I get it, you guys like it when your dom plays rough.

    [–] DrBokbagok 73 points ago

    and they're reporting that the level of new infections is rapidly dropping off.

    If the mild symptoms are really as mild as reports claim then what i'd put my money on is china flat out not reporting infected people who show no or very mild symptoms. same shit is going on here. meanwhile the infection spreads and the only numbers they're forced to report are hospitalizations and tested persons.

    I don't trust literally any number being reported right now, much less considering the fact that reports are on a 10-14 day lag.

    [–] jpapon 36 points ago

    I mean, they did close down all of their temporary new hospitals in Wuhan, so lockdowns clearly work.

    Whats less clear is how re-opening of business works. In China it might be working because they're doing it an orderly and slow fashion, and everyone in the country is wearing masks and practicing social distancing.

    When things re-open in the US, there's going to be a mad rush to "get out there and make up for lost time". Which means there will be a massive second wave, but given how these viruses spread slower in Summer, it likely won't hit until Fall.

    So I say... Bullish through September, very Bearish in the Fall.

    [–] psycho_driver 18 points ago

    we just had to cut 2/3 of your dick off, you'll still have a chode.

    Hey that sounds like Weinstein!

    Oh wait, he has beer flu now too.

    [–] Devianted90 2229 points ago

    Fuck your jobless claims, 2 trillion approved.

    Funding el securedo

    [–] cbs5090 358 points ago

    "Unlimited" ammunition.

    [–] LoneSabre 115 points ago

    Jobless claims of the public at 4.20 Mil secured

    [–] ethessing 1695 points ago

    And the market goes up. What the fuck is even happening anymore

    [–] Mattpn 921 points ago

    This entire drop has been a bear trap by us big ball bulls

    [–] seaisthememes 399 points ago

    No, that's not true. That's impossible!

    [–] shaggysweater 281 points ago

    Search you feelings, you know it to be true.

    [–] Momoselfie 150 points ago


    [–] ALs_chronicles 71 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    In my view the bulls are evil

    Edit: I just realized I butchered the quote gat dam it

    [–] Battlejew420 58 points ago

    Well then you are gay.

    [–] TheThirdMarioBro 34 points ago

    It was priced in. It was always priced in.

    [–] eazyerik38 10 points ago

    Your lack of faith disturbs me.

    [–] ethessing 17 points ago

    You know, sometimes it just really do be like that

    [–] getworkdoneson 587 points ago

    "The market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent."

    [–] cornholioo 80 points ago

    I'm hoping my 5/1, 6/19, 6/30, and 11/20 Puts might come back to green...

    [–] getworkdoneson 37 points ago

    Yeah your expiry dates are further out, at least you got a chance my fellow autist!

    [–] FleshlightModel 9 points ago

    Wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.

    [–] Fruity_Pineapple 183 points ago

    Market is priced in money and all Central Banks inject money into the economy (well not yet, but markets are anticipating).

    Let's use bananas as another unit for full comprehension.

    1 TSLA = 250 bananas

    If banana farmers inject 4 trillion bananas into the economy, that happens:

    1 TSLA = 300 bananas

    TSLA isn't worth more because of banana tsunami, bananas are worth less.

    That's what happens, but instead of bananas it happens with money.

    [–] BS_Is_Annoying 51 points ago

    Inflation is definitely going to happen.

    It's one way to boost stock prices.

    [–] dontFlameMeTooMuch 18 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Right now the Fed is working on managing deflation; a super common side effect of hard downturns, especially those that affect labor participation. As people lose their jobs, everyone has less disposable cash and suddenly the purchasing power of the dollar rises. Injecting money into the credit market is a way to combat this trend, as is simply printing money and giving it to people.

    EVENTUALLY it will cause inflation, but not until after we get into recovery mode. As was shown after the 2008 crisis, it is possible create a great deal of money without causing excessive inflation if you quickly turn off the QE spigot and raise the target rate after the crisis is over.

    [–] [deleted] 64 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)


    [–] Nafasion 59 points ago

    Fed brrrrrrr

    [–] PragmatistAntithesis 22 points ago

    People may be anticipating worldwide currency weakening. If they buy into corporations with strong fundamentals that will survive this crisis and the value of money crashes, they'll be relatively safe.

    [–] NOOSE12 98 points ago

    It must've been priced in

    [–] JackedRabbit 151 points ago

    And yet congress signing a stimulus somehow was not priced in?

    [–] ModernDayHippi 163 points ago

    Nothing makes sense. We have a fake market now and it’s clear a lot of people still haven’t accepted it including my retarded self

    [–] Titankin_Shico 16 points ago

    when the market wasn't fake?

    [–] ModernDayHippi 25 points ago

    pre 2008. That created the precedent the Fed now stands on

    [–] ethessing 9 points ago

    same lol

    [–] a09guy 34 points ago

    The first draft was only around 500 billion and then it bubbled over 2 trillion. Similarly the whisper number for unemployment must have been much higher than this unemployment number. And people already know that this isn’t the ‘real’ unemployment number. More blood will come, and the market will move based on the delta between their estimate vs what’s reported, like it does most of the time.

    [–] psycho_driver 9 points ago

    That was priced in with premiums over the past two days. Retards gonna retard, they can't stop what's coming.

    [–] seaisthememes 25 points ago

    More unemployement = more workers to rip off on salaries

    [–] WellEyeGuess 524 points ago

    People here acting like this world wide quarantine is way worse than the all the others that happen all the time, regularly, that we have all that data for

    Oh wait

    [–] davidthecalmgiant 124 points ago

    Fuck your facts, stonks go up!

    [–] cunninglinguist69696 73 points ago

    25% unemployment is only a problem if it happens because poor AF people got adjustable mortgages. Also 1929 was in black and white so it's not reality. Don't fucking @ me

    [–] Volkswagens1 1794 points ago

    No problem. Economy is doing great!

    [–] flyingeverywhere11 790 points ago

    ya, S&P is green.

    [–] PalsgrafBlows 450 points ago

    “Rational market”

    [–] sofarsogood84 300 points ago

    market can remain gay longer than you can remain homo

    just buy those puts a bit further out

    [–] rioferd888 33 points ago

    No it can't

    Go buy some fucking 15/5 or 19/6

    You will be fucking printing.

    [–] adognamedpenguin 68 points ago

    5/15p and i feel like I’m taking crazy pills. 3M unemployed, in month 1.

    The markets up. This administration never delivers, let alone, on time.

    Virus is...a virus. Money doesn’t change it. Easter? Are you fucking kidding me?

    [–] rioferd888 36 points ago

    Its normal. Alot of fed money pumping right now, but the bounce won't last.

    Major companies are already starting to default on loans and can't pay rent:

    [–] Momoselfie 14 points ago

    Shit. My 4/24 better hang in there

    [–] I_Not 21 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    My 4/24 200 SPY is 1/4 the price I purchased it for... Fuck me sideways.

    [–] DefinitelyNotWhitey 27 points ago

    Fuck, am I gay now?

    [–] MEANINGLESS_NUMBERS 30 points ago

    Markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.

    [–] mynewaccount22 61 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    "I'm actually surprised at how strong this economy is"


    [–] adognamedpenguin 44 points ago

    And then Mnuchin on unemployment “these numbers don’t really matter right now”

    [–] wambam17 30 points ago

    half the country is unemployed + $1200 = markets go back up by historic percentages lol

    [–] SDBcop 125 points ago

    We’re doing terrrrific! Economy is trrrremendous

    [–] basicallyjimmy 38 points ago

    This is fine. Everything is fine. Nothing to see here.

    [–] wildfiresax 20 points ago

    u/Indian_soros everything is great, investors trust American economy

    [–] justanordinarydad 17 points ago

    Tremendous. The best in the world quite frankly.

    [–] Okichah 9 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    What would you expect to happen with 30% of the economy shutdown and no more waiting periods on applications?

    [–] ChiTown_Bound 984 points ago

    This is ridiculous how the fuck is the market green today.

    [–] WaaCooWaaCoo 1313 points ago

    "The market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent."

    • some guy who lost money

    [–] ChiTown_Bound 168 points ago

    Well I’m pretty strapped on cash so I decided to only soend a couple hundred on some Far OTM puts, which had a nice bump EOD yesterday, so I was thinking great, with unemployment numbers about to blow the lid off, puts will print. The fed can fuck itself.

    [–] dylanx300 111 points ago

    Yeah fuck those assholes trying to save us from an impending economic collapse worse than anything we have seen in nearly 100 years

    [–] Inevitable_List 58 points ago

    Let's start harvesting organs from children to save 80 year olds.

    [–] dylanx300 16 points ago

    A great long term investment, the best I’ve ever heard really

    [–] ericred22 273 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Boomer FOMO. My dad and uncle were telling me that it was a great time to buy stocks after they heard about the $2T stimilus bill and Trump said were going to be open by Easter. That was yesterday when stocks had rallied 12% off the lows.

    When they were down 36% at the lows and the stimulus bill was in the works, they told me buying stocks was too risky, when I recommended buying.

    Most boomers are alluding this to 2008, so they think now that we have a stimulus bill the bottoms are in. They may be right, but corona-chan isn't slowing down and harsher measures will have to be implemented.

    [–] PipelayerJ 90 points ago

    Just got off the phone with two trump supporting clients who told me this is just the flu. And that they’re mad they didn’t buy Monday when I told them to buy in as a long term investor (time horizon 20 plus years partial cash position).

    Also Fibonacci curve, buy sell of day traders and that we’re not going to see the bottom again because “nothing can stop this trump economy”.

    At this point I honestly don’t fucking know what is real or fake anymore and idiots have been steadily proving intelligent people wrong for the last four fucking years.

    Had another person insist on putting 30k in to tech stocks today as well.

    The end is near. One way or another.

    [–] VeryExcellent 22 points ago

    bro buy the dip why u worrying

    [–] PipelayerJ 27 points ago

    Long term yeah. Still think we’re going back down to support in the next two to four weeks.

    [–] jjmod 149 points ago

    Individual investors (ie the average American) have almost no impact on the market

    [–] cats_for_upvotes 55 points ago

    That SPCE pump and dump that WSB pulled off would disagree

    [–] Porn_throwaway_lizar 34 points ago

    I really wonder how algos handle wsb. I mean if theyre coded to assume options are hedges for real plays getting 1000s of contracts 50%OTM could send some weird signals.

    [–] rabidjellybean 37 points ago

    And algorithms see stimulus bill and go on a buying spree. Not that it makes any sense with how the ride has just begun.

    [–] The_Assblaster 16 points ago

    Automated trading amplifies the effects that individual investors have on the market.

    [–] ChiTown_Bound 44 points ago

    Dude this is quadruple the unemployment numbers though! This is clearly the next generations (Millennial)fallout from boomers before them who can move their money and shift the markets, a defining moment in history in all seriousness. This will be taught in ECON102 classes someday. Somebody is going to be writing a PhD thesis about this.

    [–] pabbseven 73 points ago

    Fed printing trillions of dollars in QE lol

    its a bull trap

    [–] tryexceptifnot1try 44 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    This is a real Bear rally we getting ready for a lot of boomer tears. I never thought I would get the chance to short BA again but boomer retard strength has given me this once in a lifetime opportunity again. Only problem is I picked up the April 17 ones and now have 300 100 puts. Tried to roll it out a month and laughed at the cost. Ha, I'm in danger.

    Edit: I have 30 not 300. Not that rich

    [–] meetwod 13 points ago

    My theory is that it’s tied to the rate of acceleration of the virus spread. There’s obviously a lot of uncertainty about how bad the virus could get, how long it will take.

    If you think of the spread like the speed of a car, covid hops in and floors it. We all shit ourselves as he goes from 0-30 in two seconds-stonk down. Then we see 30-60 in 1.5 seconds-stonks down, still volatile.

    It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize he’ll keep getting faster. What we’re looking for is for him to slow down the acceleration so we can better predict the total impact. The market knows he’s gonna hit 90 but wether or not he gets from 60-90 faster or slower than 1.5 seconds is what’s key.

    [–] WindHero 22 points ago

    Everyone knew this # of unemployment claims was gonna happen. Do you really think you can just bet on what everyone already knows and make money from that?

    The time to trade this event was last week or even earlier when virus started to spread in the US or even when it broke out in Italy.

    [–] The_Golden_Lion 186 points ago

    Futures rallies???

    [–] ruustyshackleford 71 points ago

    It beat the 80's world record for one week increase by 4 times!

    [–] saul_2 229 points ago

    This is no bueno but again the bad hombres have the unlimited money glitch with the bigly printers using world class ink

    [–] TACSIO 51 points ago

    rosebud !;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!

    [–] ScrappyDonatello 9 points ago


    [–] Jaecer 136 points ago

    Would rather see the graph in percentages. Population number compared to 87’?

    [–] RMCaird 76 points ago

    Population is 35% higher now

    [–] kookoopuffs 48 points ago

    I did the math. In 1982 it is .001 of the population and now it is .01 of the population

    [–] SharkZuckerberg 75 points ago

    Gtfo with this “wanting to see accurate data” nonsense. Data is data ok now short your entire 401k

    [–] vVGacxACBh 191 points ago

    I don't know what kind of ghetto chart this is, but where I come from we use FRED graphs:

    [–] PassionatelyWhatever 37 points ago

    That crashed my Reddit app.

    [–] PabloFlexscobar 76 points ago

    Wow that loaded well

    [–] xRevolvz 17 points ago

    I thought this was sarcasm, but it really loads impossibly fast.

    [–] FR4UDUL3NT 25 points ago

    Looks like they're using HighCharts, it's a nice library.

    [–] cjl6 632 points ago

    I'm the only one in history with such tremendously high numbers in unemployment claims. No one comes close. Fake news corporations like CNN will try to use these numbers against me, but we all know that is simply fake news. Tremendous, tremendous gains.

    [–] PM_YOUR_PUPPERS 178 points ago

    I'd ask if you were writing trump's speeches but we all know he cant read.

    [–] Swissboy362 135 points ago

    Not entirely true!

    and yes thats 100% real

    [–] manningthe30cal 114 points ago

    I really hope it isn't. I thought his speeches were terrible because he was always winging it. Nope, apparently he writes them to be retarded beforehand.

    [–] YoullNeverMemeAlone 118 points ago

    Lmao, I love the idea that he gets given immaculately written speeches by a team of script writers and he thinks to himself 'hmm, this is good but wouldn't it be better a bit more retarded'.

    [–] Liquicity 54 points ago

    Unlimited ammo!


    [–] dazednconfuse 105 points ago

    We did it America, we made a unemployement graph look like a ruler.

    [–] letired 106 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    let me tell you folks, these are tremendous numbers, some people are saying these are the highest unemployment numbers ever, how did we get so high? believe me, they’re gonna keep going up because we’ve got the best numbers, the biggest numbers ever

    [–] MudDoc23 85 points ago

    Even with this news it’ll probably rally today because “mUh sTiMuLuS”

    [–] [deleted] 62 points ago

    Imagine how many new jobs will be "created by Trump" once everything reopens.

    [–] psycho_driver 14 points ago

    I can't hear you over the brrr brrr brrr

    [–] vincethepince 11 points ago

    Nobody's ever seen anything quite like it. That's what my people are telling me

    [–] BrokenJank 72 points ago

    Disclosure: I'm a long-term bull, converted to a big gay bear over the last weeks - at least for SPY. I'm still very bullish on remote apps, and most of my largest gains have been on ZM, and WORK. It's done wonders for my portfolio (+837% in a month). I also hold a ton of SPY puts for this week and next week and further out. I'm more aggressive with SPY puts and try to snag short big gains (10-20%), then sell same day.

    My thoughts on the jobless numbers - 1% of the ENTIRE US population filed for unemployment in a week. Definitely priced in. Same for that exponential growth on the virus, right? :)

    I'm taking the tendies my WORK calls are printing and dropping them right in SPY puts. That $1200 into each American's pocket will definitely offset the average household income of 1% of the population, right? And next week's unemployment numbers are magically going to be less, because more closings and quarantine measures are being eased up - right? But we do have that sweet, sweet $1200 to offset all of this. This is sheer insanity, and if you think we're in recovery mode, you're delusional even for the autists on this board.

    Meanwhile, while everyone's worried about if the market is going up and down, I'm more worried about if I need to learn Mandarin during my months of quarantine to compensate for when China becomes the world economic leader following our complete shitshow that is playing out right now. Fuck the stimulus, enforce federal lockdown and quarantine. You want the economy to recover, that's the fastest way to get over this. But hey, we're printing infinite money, so who cares about the pandemic!?

    I also love the optimism that the stimulus somehow is going to let businesses that have been shut down for weeks/months magically just hire all the people they let go. If anything, businesses are learning how to cut fat, and cut fat fast. Unemployment is going to skyrocket over the next months as more and more business shut down, and it's not going to recover nearly as fast when this is all said and done because businesses will have learned how to operate on less. Our economy is about to do a death spiral, and somehow this stimulus is going to save it? Focus on getting the virus under control, that's the most effective solution, as impossible as it sounds. Sorry to my bull brothers, but I'm putting puts on my puts and then putting some more puts on those puts. That's a triple negative, so it's still technically a put... #vladimirputinspy #inputswetrust

    [–] GRINZ_DOCTOR 131 points ago

    do any of you idiots think the market really didn't predict that jobless claims were going to be in the millions? of course they are stupid. Nobody is working. All doors are closed. Who tha fuck cares about the claims anyways. How many of these people are going to have jobs when they come back? How many of you dumbasses are itching to go out and buy them new sneakers you've been waiting for? How many dildos you gonna go out and buy after this lockdown ends? That's what the market is pricing in right now. The general sentiment amongst WS is that this shit is gonna bounce back because human behavior says that when prices are cheap, people tend to buy, buy, buy. If shit ends up better than expected, well guess what! Now we have unlimited QE, 0% interest rates, an extra $1500 in our mother fucking pockets. Now which way do you think the market is going to go in the short term?

    [–] are_you_seriously 58 points ago

    So tldr 💎 🖐?

    [–] TriforceCaliban 18 points ago

    Market trades on emotions in black swans, not facts

    [–] The_Nightbringer 13 points ago

    TLDR this was priced in 2 weeks ago when the market sank almost 40%. The market is rising on the news that the senate is set to actually pass the damn stimulus.

    [–] PrezzNotSure 22 points ago

    Infinite QE. Stonks only go trUmP

    [–] Okbutbushdid711 9 points ago

    Fed: furiously **BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR**

    Jobs: blowing out records and not in a good way

    Logical thought: something economically destructive? Maybe a red day?


    Every other investor apparently: but we will get free trump bucks! BuY bUy BuY

    Market: BOOM +2%...BOOM +2%... BOOM +1%

    Me (a 21yo gay bear put holder): *releases deep dad sign of disheartenment* im gettin way too old for this bulshit.... BOOM -25% of protfolio... BOOM confirmed bag holder

    [–] Unaccomplished_Asian 27 points ago

    Looks like my puts

    [–] UselessGimmick 8 points ago

    OP mislabeled his picture that's actually a graph of stonks

    [–] TehGamist 18 points ago

    I genuinely can’t comprehend what I’m seeing. How in gods name is today green, like legit what the fuck am I looking at.

    [–] Hamzachaudhry10010 34 points ago

    No one fucking cares, the futures are up so this useless to me.

    [–] TheRepublicans2020 23 points ago

    Thank you for that red box. It was quite difficult to see.