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    ARedthorn

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    [–] Vancouver womens shelter sues the victim ARedthorn 2 points ago in FeMRADebates

    I get it.

    I still think we can, and should make a concerted effort to teach people that healing and justice are two different things... both important, but different.

    [–] Vancouver womens shelter sues the victim ARedthorn 9 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Hence... we need to be clear: justice and healing don't need to have anything to do with each-other.

    When it comes to healing... always believe. ...because whether it happened or not, the way they remember or not- it's real enough to them to be traumatic. When it comes to justice... always doubt. ...because whether it happened or not, the way they remember or not- doesn't matter as much as whether it can be proven.

    [–] New Killer Concept: The Traitor (with lore bits and perks) ARedthorn 2 points ago in deadbydaylight

    Might just be easier (especially from a programming standpoint, with Vigil already a thing) to just make recovery slower within a certain range.

    Vigil causes 10/15/20% faster recovery from all status effects within 8m.

    That's a little close to be viable for a killer though... I'd either make it 16m, or better yet, tie it to Terror Radius, so there's more strategy and perk synergy. (The question then is whether the survivor terror radius from Paranoia counts or not... which could be very neat.)

    If you want to keep it specifically Exhaustion, then 10/15/20 is weak, so 10/20/30 might be better... and has almost exactly the effect you described with an already existing mechanic.

    That said, I like having it affect all the other status effects... makes this more useful for other killers. It would just need a rename - Harrass?

    [–] No one believes me. ARedthorn 1 points ago in MenGetRapedToo

    You're not alone.

    [–] #metoo ARedthorn 4 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Perhaps as some kind of luck combined with having a good circle of friends- the very first time I saw the metoo post, it had been modified to include male victims...

    And caught a half dozen replies by men, and 3 by women that appreciated the modification.

    [–] Rise of the bromance is bad for women ARedthorn 9 points ago in FeMRADebates

    I've been saying it for years.

    Truth is, ladies, if all I cared about were seeing boobs and having orgasms... I don't actually need you. Like. At all.

    So... if I'm interested in a relationship- interested enough for it to be worth the effort, the stress, and difficulty... it must be about something besides f'ing.

    Well. Just so turns out, I can get most of those things elsewhere with less effort or fear of rejection.

    Not all of them... but most.

    [–] "Unlike male circumcision, female genital mutilation also inhibits sexual pleasure." Sorry, have you ever been a circumcised man? ARedthorn 2 points ago in MensRights

    The breakdown of types of FGM in this article are... only loosely correct.

    Type 1a is removal of the clitoral hood only Type 1b is removal of the clitoris Type 2a is removal of the labia minora Type 2b is removal of the labia minora and clitoris Type 2c is removal of the labia majora and clitoris Type 3a is the sealing of the labia minora Type 3b is the sealing of the labia majora Type 4 is everything else

    1 is nowhere near equivalent to the removal of the testicles- 3 is. 1a is (roughly) equivalent to circumcision, and 1b is roughly equivalent to damaging or cutting the glans off entirely (which happens sometimes by accident during circumcision).

    Basically, they're taking the worst forms of each type and saying that they're the whole thing.

    [–] The Uncomfortable Truth About Campus Rape Policy ARedthorn 55 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago) in FeMRADebates

    Welp... Here we go. (Long post ahead).

    Time Magazine Article on the CDC Numbers, and the actual report itself:

    In 2010:

    1.1% of women reported being raped

    1.1% of men reported being made to penetrate

    In 2011:

    1.6% of women reported being raped

    1.7% of men reported being made to penetrate

    5.6% of women reported other sexual violence

    5.3% of men reported other sexual violence

    4.0% of women reported experiencing partner violence

    4.8% of men reported experiencing partner violence

    14.2% of women reported experiencing partner abuse

    18.0% of men reported experiencing partner abuse

    Time Magazine Article on an APA Study of men age 18-23. Actual Study During the study, men were asked if they had ever been raped, and 1.4% said yes, with 95.5% describing a male aggressor. They were then asked if they had ever had unwanted sexual contact, and 43% reported they had - with 95% reporting a female aggressor.

    17.2% reported sexual touching (aka, sexual assault)

    4.3% reported attempted sex (aka, rape)

    21.5% reported completed sex (aka, rape)

    18% described experiencing sexual coercion by force.

    31% described experiencing sexual coercion by threat.

    26% described experiencing unwanted sexual seduction (aka, harassment).

    Note that they didn't mention these events when asked if they had been raped - only when they were asked if they had ever had sex against their will.

    That study doesn't exist in a vacuum. RAINN and 1-in-6 have neatly compiled a variety of studies, which all show that by age 18:

    A 2005 CDC study found 16% had been sexually abused.

    A 2003 study found 14.2% had been sexually abused.

    A 1996 study found 18% had been sexually abused.

    A 1990 study found that 16% had been sexually abused.

    A 1997 study found that among men and women who had experienced sexual abuse as an adult or child:

    ...16% of men recognized it as abuse.

    ...64% of women recognized it as abuse.

    As if rape isn't bad enough, sexual exploitation and sex trafficking strongly affects boys and men as well... to the tune of a 2008 John Jay College of Criminal Justice study finding that half the sex trafficking victims in NY are male, with many of them exclusively serving female clients... yet, of the 25 shelters to respond to the study, only 4 provide services to male victims. Juvenile Justice article and End Slavery Now fact sheet.

    I have a bunch more links, but these are the oldest, and most strongly peer reviewed. I have several others, primarily focusing on teen and college age males that have been published, but are still too new for me to feel comfortable pushing them out just yet. Generally speaking, any viable data takes years just to properly sort through, plus a year under peer review to be considered valid... hence why the most recent CDC data (just released last month) is for 2013.

    All in all, when we use terms like rape, that tends to come with a lot of social baggage that means men don't report - and often don't even consider themselves victims of the thing... but when we ask them about unwanted sexual acts - rape, just don't call it that - suddenly the numbers equalize between the two genders.

    [–] Swim tricks ARedthorn 10 points ago in funny

    I don't think it's meant to keep your hair dry... but contained, and minimize resistance going through the water.

    [–] How do I say no? ARedthorn 8 points ago in AskMen

    So... there are a couple ways to look at this, as I see it.

    Even if they didn't have the conversation, she says she thought they were exclusive.

    1- Either she didn't think it was exclusive (and what she did was ok, but now she's lying about the relationship status) or she did think it was exclusive (and what she did wasn't ok, and needs a better explanation than she's giving). In either instance, he's justified in thinking something shady is going on, and not being ok with that.

    2- Maybe they weren't officially exclusive, but if they both thought they were exclusive, then one of them behaved differently than exclusive... Saying "but it wasn't official" doesn't cut it.

    If it was exclusive, she's betrayed that trust. If it wasn't exclusive, but that's an option, then it's his choice as much as hers, and this event may affect that choice. If it wasn't exclusive, and she's not interested in making it exclusive, then she didn't do anything wrong, but this isn't what he wants, and he's welcome to walk on that alone.

    [–] Study gave mock trial jurors identical descriptions of domestic violence incidents, changing only the gender. Jurors were far more likely to find a man guilty of a crime than a woman. ARedthorn 11 points ago in MensRights

    Full props to u/imnotmrabut for the full version.

    They did study female on male violence as well...

    Even better, the study references several others, with, among other things, this gem:

    26-33% of gay men, 32-44% of lesbians, 9-29% of heterosexual men and 20-35% of heterosexual women have experienced IPV.

    They do specify violence, not just abuse- so they're restricting to physical abuse. Broadening to emotional abuse provides the skew we're more familiar with where female abusers outnumber male abusers by a long margin.

    They also note that experts - even IPV professionals - will make differing judgements about severity depending on both the gender of the abuser and gender of the victim.

    [–] Access to Sex as our major Social Currency - and what it means ARedthorn 12 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Incels as a class (ie, anyone who is INvoluntarily CELibate)...no. They don't feel entitled. They feel the opposite. Some may... and perhaps you're referring to the incel subreddit, which is more a sociopolitical forum than a class of people. I feel no desire to comment on them, as I haven't spent any time there.

    Just as those who are poor may complain about the excesses of, say, Donald Trump's pure gold hotel room or Joel Osteen's refusal to lift a finger for others... without feeling entitled to anything they haven't earned. They can complain, and then still go work 14 hour shifts at their minimum wage job. They can complain, and then still not be assholes for complaining. They can complain about entitlement without being entitled.

    Which is the thing. Incels who complain about "Stacies" (dunno why you picked that name, or if not you, whoever)... are often complaining about her entitlement... because if you really want to see true sexual entitlement... turn down or ignore a hot girl sometime. I have on a few occasions in college... and again during that brief self-destructive period I got my sense of affection from strippers. I've never seen anyone in my life more offended.

    [–] Access to Sex as our major Social Currency - and what it means ARedthorn 8 points ago in FeMRADebates

    They may not be equivalent, but translating a foreign experience into a familiar one is a stepping stone to empathy.

    [–] Access to Sex as our major Social Currency - and what it means ARedthorn 12 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Good point. I think the author is conflating those two, but your nuance is important here.

    [–] Access to Sex as our major Social Currency - and what it means ARedthorn 12 points ago in FeMRADebates

    I don't think you have to adhere to socialism to see the Labor Theory of Value as valid.

    In fact, any decent capitalist would see it as a significant part of value calculation, as it's what determines his costs, and a profitable capitalist will keep an eye on his Labor Value like a hawk, to ensure that his Market Value always exceeds his Labor Value.

    [–] Access to Sex as our major Social Currency - and what it means ARedthorn 9 points ago in FeMRADebates

    I think this deserves a deeper dive, but it definitely resonated for me.

    [–] New, from Pulowski Preservation... ARedthorn 7 points ago in gaming

    Fallout 0 is too real, man.

    [–] Rape, Feminism, and MRAs. ARedthorn 8 points ago in FeMRADebates

    This. So very very much.

    Imagine a 13yo boy sexually abused by a teacher who's heavy into BDSM.

    Imagine he normalizes his experience just so, thanks to her getting a slap on the wrist, and society generally telling him he should consider himself lucky.

    Think having his first ever sexual experience, with someone who had total control and authority over him in life as well as bed isn't going to have a lasting effect... just because we told him it shouldn't? Just because he tells himself it shouldn't?

    I don't get people sometimes.

    [–] Rape, Feminism, and MRAs. ARedthorn 10 points ago in FeMRADebates

    So, first off... for what it's worth, I may have a teeny (read:big) bias on this. I'm a male sexual assault survivor. My abusers were women. I now provide support to other men as best I can.

    Getting traction on the issue is... tough. It's actually one of the reasons I've stopped hanging out in r/mensrights and similar subs and forums.

    Every so often, you'll see a new study that's really useful, worth adding to your references and resources toolkit... and once in a very rare while, you'll see an article on someone trying to open a shelter or change a law, and that's very uplifting.

    But 90% of the conversation happening on this issue is a news story about a specific individual case pointing the double standard or lack of support... under the guise of raising awareness. In a community that's already aware.

    If we want to raise awareness, we need to do it elsewhere... and we need to seem like we're doing something, not just bitching about the problem... So, I've taken the fight to my own growing circle of contacts, and shared my story, and begun building a support network for those who hear it and share theirs.

    On the other side of the coin here, this is also why I'm not a feminist. Feminism has been mainstream for longer than I've been alive, and still hasn't done anything about the problem. Hell, only a fraction of the movement even acknowledges the problem, and they're not the part with a strong voice. They've done a lot of good, yes... and I support that. They still have more work to do... and I support that. And if all they claimed was to be pursuing the betterment of women, I'd have no problem with that.

    But when they claim to be seeking equality, it's hard to forgive 70 years of inaction on behalf male victims solely because they're male, when half of that time has been inaction as the single largest, most mainstream movement for "equality" on the planet.

    The MRM isn't doing much better, as you say, but at least they're paying attention, and have the excuse of being very young- new at all this, and lacking the funding or political momentum for sweeping reform.