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    ARedthorn

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    [–] How do you find the balance between being considerate of your SO's feelings and enforcing your boundaries? ARedthorn 3 points ago in AskMen

    Everyone saying to talk to her is right. Communication is the ONLY way to resolve these issues.

    But go into that conversation understanding that these specific cases you mention - are all listed as forms of abuse by most agencies that specialize in care and counseling for abuse survivors.

    1- controlling your social life and/or cutting you off from your support network

    2- same, only broader

    3- sexual shaming, questioning sexuality

    Maybe she's only doing those things because she's insecure... but that changes nothing.

    I remember being told that same thing about bullies... and we could probably say the same thing about every abuser in history. Doesn't matter. Doesn't change the fact that it's abuse, or excuse the behavior.

    All it means is that there's a chance, if you work through it, or they get some help, they can realize what they're doing and stop.

    [–] How do you find the balance between being considerate of your SO's feelings and enforcing your boundaries? ARedthorn 6 points ago in AskMen

    Worth pointing out, these are listed as forms of abuse by most agencies that specialize in care and counseling for abuse survivors.

    1- controlling your social life and/or cutting you off from your support network

    2- same, only broader

    3- sexual shaming, questioning sexuality

    Oh, but you say it's only because she's insecure?

    Well, I seem to remember being told that same thing about bullies... and we could probably say the same thing about every abuser in history. Doesn't matter. Doesn't change the fact that it's abuse, or excuse the behavior.

    All it means is that there's a chance, if the abuser gets some help, that they'll get better one day.

    [–] A different kind of plane crash [Plane Crash Corner] ARedthorn 2 points ago in HelloInternet

    For one bright, shining moment, they set a record for world's slowest manned flight.

    [–] Hey, there's a bird in hair! ARedthorn 1 points ago in funny

    It's worth at least two in the bush.

    [–] Reply All podcast on the origin of the incel movement. ARedthorn 6 points ago in FeMRADebates

    No, but it's even more blatantly a popularity contest (or was back in my HS days) than actual politics, so you almost never saw freshmen or sophomores.

    So by the time anyone is anything like an expert, they're leaving, because that's the point of high school.

    [–] Reply All podcast on the origin of the incel movement. ARedthorn 10 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Student governments are literal things- groups of students handed responsibility for organizing events and representing the student body to the school administration.

    Cool idea, but where do you learn how to do the job? The guy in charge before you just graduated and has better things to do.

    [–] My best friend is not living his best life right now ARedthorn 0 points ago in MensRights

    The handful of actual laws on the issue are pretty reasonable and common sense for an elective surgery with lasting consequences (not permanent, but reversal is a bitch).

    NY has a minimum age, psych review, and waiting period.

    But there aren't any laws protecting men's reproductive rights either, so if the wife didn't know about it... she can raise hell, legally, over not being informed. Viability of a lawsuit against the doctor is rough to guess at- probably depends a lot on the state, judge, and circumstances... but definitely grounds for divorce.

    Doctors who check (and turn you down if you say she doesn't) aren't being dicks- they're just covering their ass legally.

    Some links in a lower post, if you're curious.

    [–] My best friend is not living his best life right now ARedthorn 1 points ago in MensRights

    Right. Exactly that.

    A few states have laws requiring mental soundness and a waiting period (NY is a solid example), but very nearly on par with that for abortions, or other electives in that state. The argument is that it's elective, but a major decision- even if reversible, has significant lasting impact on a major life function (procreation), and shouldn't be undertaken lightly. (NY specifically has a minimum age, psych eval for mental competency, and waiting period.)

    What I was referencing had more to do with doctors turning it down, and why. They can refuse for any reason TBH- it's an elective procedure, and they don't have to agree to perform it.

    There are a few surveys asking doctors how often and why they turned prospects down (unfortunately, I haven't found any recent that got peer-reviewed and published, but here's the most extensive one)- answering that answer that precise question... and one of the top reasons given is that the spouse wasn't present to consent as well. Or that they didn't have enough kids to make that decision according to the doctor's opinion. Or that they were under 25. Or... you get the idea.

    Point is, men's reproductive rights aren't restricted by law, but they aren't protected either... and this has proven to be a problem here... and in cases of rape victims paying child support.

    [–] My best friend is not living his best life right now ARedthorn 12 points ago in MensRights

    US too, depending on your state and doctor.

    (In most states, the law allows the woman to sue the doctor for performing it without her knowledge, so they won't without her permission.)

    [–] I'm On My Way! ARedthorn 1 points ago in funny

    Don't tell Thanos.

    [–] If anyone has Youtube Red, what you think of Cobra Kai? ARedthorn 11 points ago in AskMen

    They also made it complex. Karate Kid grown up. I liked it a lot, and look forward to S2.

    [–] Two giant robots ARedthorn -1 points ago in funny

    Nope. Just one giant robot and free healthcare.

    [–] Paywalls ARedthorn 15 points ago in gaming

    Yours is just right.

    [–] Men are victims of domestic violence more often than you think | CBC Radio transcript ARedthorn 12 points ago in FeMRADebates

    So, my point was that abuse is never fair.

    The abused often feels helpless, whether they are or not... because that's what abuse does.

    Knife to a fist fight is one thing- but that's not what I was referencing, when I mentioned force multipliers.

    People seem to think abuse is just hitting. It's not. It gets so much more ugly than that. Even when there is physical abuse, it doesn't have to be hitting someone with a fist... and even when it is that, it's made possible and made worse by all the other stuff that makes someone feel like they can't defend themselves... and those things don't care about strength.

    Ambush tactics, hostage taking, blackmail, or simple overwhelming aggression can all neutralize a strength advantage.

    You don't have to be stronger than me to threaten the kids if I leave or resist.

    You don't have to be stronger than me to threaten me with the police either.

    You don't have to be stronger than me to seriously hurt me- if you have a baseball bat or even just a glass mug to throw... or you attack me in my sleep.

    Or involve drugs in your abuse. Or bring in another abuser. Or simply so demoralize me that I let you tear me apart slowly... taking away my money, food, and access to health care.

    Any of which can cripple or kill.

    [–] Men are victims of domestic violence more often than you think | CBC Radio transcript ARedthorn 18 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Remind me to get you the specific links when I'm at my PC, but I have seen a few apples to apples studies.

    Generally, looking at all partner abuse, it seems to be between 60-70% female abuser.

    When you reduce to only abuse that results in serious injury, it goes to about 40% female abuser. Definitely a shift, but still pretty close to half... and nowhere near extreme enough to warrant the disparity in support services we have.

    Men may be stronger on average, but that kind of strength primarily only matters in a fair fight. I would rather get gut punched by a child than an MMA fighter... but I'd also rather get gut punched by the MMA fighter than gut stabbed by the child.

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 1 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Good point.

    And there are often tolerances even in engineering... but you can't afford to stray too far, so best to keep an eye on it.

    I suppose the real problem is that IQ is a composite value where I'm not being shown the components, and that peeves me as an engineer.

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 1 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Yes. Again. I agree.

    I'm saying that combining the two factors is the problem.

    Given a choice between 2 people who both got 100 right answers, the higher IQ tells me who was faster, and I'll call the faster person smarter.

    Given a choice between 2 people who both took 20 minutes, the higher IQ tells me who had more right answers, and I'll call the more accurate person smarter.

    But if two people tell me they have a 120 IQ, how do I know if one of them got that via 100 right answers in 30 minutes or 80 right answers in 20 minutes?

    Cause... to me, that matters AND I can't tell from the reductive measurement that is an IQ score.

    My ideal scenario is to have scoring be broken down into a time-dependent and time-independent value, so that I can have a meaningful value rather than a fuzzy (and even in the industry inconsistent) number.

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 3 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Random example. It probably doesn't belong.

    That said... faster isn't necessarily better. I can be wrong VERY quickly, if you like.

    Speed should be measured separately, IMO.

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 1 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Oh, fast problem solving should absolutely be important... I just don't think that it's the whole thing.

    And IQ's flaw as a measuring stick is that you can get similar scores by rushing and missing questions, as you get by taking your time and getting everything right.

    In this instance- a man and a woman who get the same # of answers right in the spatial reasoning category will end up with very different scores. The man will perform the task faster, but not better, and score higher.

    Meanwhile, a man and a woman who get the same # of answers right on reading emotions will get very different scores. The woman will perform the task faster, but not better, and score higher.

    One of those is on the IQ test. The other is not.

    It just so happens that most of the things the male brain does faster are on an IQ test, and most of the things that the female brain does faster are not... and since IQ tests count speed as a factor, we get a significant statistical difference in scores as an artifact of the test's design.

    I see that as a flaw in the test, personally.

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 6 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Yeah, and this might be a reason why it's such an unimportant number outside of pop culture. It actually tells you very little about the person... so relying on it is a red flag.

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 4 points ago in FeMRADebates

    Oh, sure. As long as we're clear on what IQ means, I'm ok with it.

    Personally, I think this is a flaw in the IQ score- if I were hiring another engineer, and they told me their IQ- I'd want to know how much of their score was speed, and how much was "being correct" before I considered it seriously.

    More generally, society seems to understand IQ's value very poorly... we hear that someone has a high IQ and leap to all manner of conclusions that just make no sense...

    To my mind, IQ <> intelligence. IQ = fast basic problem solving... which we think probably implies a high learning curve (?).

    [–] What's this subreddits take on intelligence differences between sexes? ARedthorn 10 points ago in FeMRADebates

    So, I'm an engineer, not a biologist, but to my best understanding - there are distinct structural differences between brains developed on different hormonal balances.

    But those appear to mostly be about how quickly certain tasks are handled. As an example, men will almost always come up to a solution to spatial reasoning problems faster, but they will not be correct any more often.

    This example is deliberate, as anyone who's ever taken an IQ test will realize. IQ tests try to be subject and education-agnostic. Questions should be possible to solve without any specific study- so they tend to revolve around universal or intuitive knowledge problems. Spatial reasoning testing is a big part of that. And they're timed, with time and stress both factoring into final score.

    Personally, I'll take slow and right over fast and wrong any given day, so I think we ought to measure intelligence and speed separately.

    But as is, any difference in IQ scoring could come down to an accidental bias in the testing methods... simply because men perform the tasks being tested faster (but not better!).