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    [–] Have any of you visited your hometown's namesake purely for the sake of that fact? Ask_me_4_a_story 1 points ago in AskAnAmerican

    Yeah nothing in Kansas City to go visit. But speaking of namesakes in KC, where I grew up our baseball field was called Ricker Field. It was called that for like 30 years and then last year they found out the dude Ricker has been a registered sexual perpetrator. Since 19 fucking 89.


    [–] Still can’t stand the song Ask_me_4_a_story 2 points ago in WhitePeopleTwitter

    God damn German people yelling scares the shit out of me

    [–] Bye! Ask_me_4_a_story 52 points ago * (lasted edited a day ago) in AdviceAnimals

    This one time I went to a marriage conference with my wife. The guy was speaking who wrote the 5 love languages book, can't remember his name but anyway there were break out sessions and guys all went to the cabins to do this session and the ladies were all in another part.

    This speaker wasn't the author, it was just some preacher and he tells us guys that masturbation is not okay unless you are just imagining your partner, otherwise God sees it as lust and its a sin. This crazy guy named Trevor I had become friends with raises his hand and says, okay, I have a question about this. Yeah, go ahead.

    Trevor goes, okay lets say you are masturbating and really going at it, I mean you are imagining your wife naked and everything and just really, really going at it masturbating. Awkward silence. I mean, really awkward, for way too long, I was already laughing, I couldn't help it.

    Speaker goes, okay, yes, go ahead with your question please.

    Trevor goes, "Okay, yeah you are just masturbating like crazy. More awkward silence. Im laughing out loud now. And you are masturbating and imagining your wife. But then in your imagination her skin gets darker and darker and she becomes Halle Berry, is that a sin?"

    I lost it. That speaker just stood up there not knowing what to say and me and Trevor laughed every time we saw each other at the conference after that.

    [–] Some perspective on how fast Duggar relationships move Ask_me_4_a_story 17 points ago in DuggarsSnark

    |"a oneupmanship game"

    Unfortunately that is a big part of today's Christianity and this became a big part of what tore apart my marriage to a fundamentalist. I was okay with homeschooling our kids at first and I think there are some good parts about homeschooling. My kids love to learn and they are great kids and very smart.

    But these homeschool conferences, they aren't about schooling at all. They are about oneupping each other for religion. Oh you guys don't do PG13 movies? We don't even do PG movies! We don't even watch TV! Well we only read the King James Version of the Bible. And we take every word in the Bible literally. It became a contest and my wife got caught up in it. Suddenly she didn't want to watch any movie not starring Kirk Cameron, she wanted to teach our kids that dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time, she only wanted Christian preaching on in our house, it became a nightmare and when I wasn't down with it she said we were "unequally yoked"

    Im not blaming all our problems on other homeschool parents or oneupmanship or religion because we had other problems as well but God Damnit religion should not be a contest and when it becomes one it will destroy your life.

    [–] Happy! Ask_me_4_a_story 17 points ago in MadeMeSmile


    [–] Sign language interpreter at Lamb Of God concert Ask_me_4_a_story 5 points ago in Damnthatsinteresting

    Yesterday I was on r/roastme and there was a deaf girl on there. Someone said you probably have to masturbate with only one hand so you can moan with your other hand. I lost it.

    [–] Absolute savage Ask_me_4_a_story 17 points ago in WhitePeopleTwitter

    Thats the passport photos. In the drivers license photos you can smile as big as you want. I have a huge giant laughing smile every time, it even makes the TSA agents laugh at the airport. Thats when you know you did it right!

    [–] Bo Burnham’s acceptance speech after winning the Writers Guild Award for Original Screenplay Ask_me_4_a_story 147 points ago in movies

    Ya'll motherfuckers are making me laugh thinking of this skit, that is really funny. Oh, Im so sorry people, I forgot my notes, then he has to go all the way back and then by the time he gets to the microphone again the time has run out.

    [–] This guy selling his action figures on eBay Ask_me_4_a_story 2 points ago in HumansBeingBros

    Whose MUSIC is this?

    My mom was almost yelling now. She was holding up a Guns N Roses cassette tape. All four of us boys all knew whose music it was of course, it was our oldest brother's, the hard rocker among us. No one said anything, we all just stood in the line with our heads down. I had already had two concussions from my older brother, once when he threw a hedgeapple and hit me in the head, and once when he punched me in the Xiphoid process, the bone under your sternum that apparently makes you pass out. Snitches get stitches was an understatement. Eventually my mom figured out it was his and she broke it in half and grounded him for a week.

    I grew up in a very strict religious household. Church three times a week, Christian school every day, lots of religious indoctrination. The only music allowed in our home was Christian music. Being at home meant being trapped, no movies, no video games, no music, nothing. But I had a bike, and I could fly on that thing. It's all I ever wanted to do as soon as school got out and all the weekends, jump on my bike and fly away, down the streets as fast as I could pedal.

    Finally school ended and it was summertime, a time I had been looking forward to for months. That was a long hot summer in Oklahoma City and none of the creeks had water in them. The concrete bed and walls of the dried out creeks were the best place to ride our bikes and we spent everyday racing down the walls and up the other sides, pedaling as fast as we could, racing like wind through the empty concrete creek beds.

    On that hot summer day I was riding my bike on my own and I pedaled out of the creek bed and into a neighborhood. I remember the sound that stopped me in my tracks just like it was yesterday. I heard something I had never heard before. I followed my ears to the sound and found it emanating from a gold-colored Camaro with T-Tops. It was a beat I loved so much, from the first time I heard it.

    The music? Beastie Boys, License to Ill. I heard Brass Monkey and I was just nodding along furiously. I heard other songs too, I just leaned against the handlebars and nodded along. This guy rolled out from under the gold Camaro eventually, no sleeves, muscle-bound, alpha as fuck, looking at me nodding along to the music while he was wiping the grease off his hands.

    He didn’t say any words, just the slightest head nod as he continued wiping his hands. He didn’t need to say anything, that slight nod was as if he said,

    Yeah, you feel this shit too right?

    To this day I still love the beat. I still love to ride my bike through the wind, a pair of headphones on, hip hop blaring. I think about that day sometimes, when I heard music for the first time.

    [–] lmao <3 Ask_me_4_a_story 2 points ago in RoastMe

    Somehow they will find a way to find more of these assholes

    [–] Leonardo DiCaprio running up to Jonah Hill pretending to be a fan Ask_me_4_a_story 2 points ago in pics

    Also sometimes if you are a comedic actor and only known for comedies studios don't want you for serious roles. You have to show them you have chops by taking a bold step like Jonah took in WOWS. After Wolf of Wall Street he did 21 Jump Street and took $10 million in salary, so you can see what a risky move it is to devote a year to something while leaving so much money on the table.

    [–] Irl or on social media... Ask_me_4_a_story 2 points ago in AdviceAnimals

    What about the calls you get from people who don't get their chicken nuggets from McDonalds?

    "She say she are the manager"

    [–] The Korbut flip, 1972 Ask_me_4_a_story 1 points ago in sports

    You see that autotuned cat? Thats pretty good. Any cat videos in fact. I've watched 6 cat videos tonight and I don't even have cats.

    [–] From Theo’s story, podcast with Ari coming. Ask_me_4_a_story 3 points ago in TheoVon

    Why's he look like he's got Down Syndrome in this picture?

    [–] Bad news. Ask_me_4_a_story 18 points ago in oldpeoplefacebook

    He is hiding the pain