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    [–] Frugal wedding CATSHARK_ 1 points ago in Frugal

    Hey! Saw your comments, I'm getting married on Friday and have a similar budget to what you're talking about and have 75 guests.

    My big advice is to figure out where you're comfortable splurging and then try and DIY or find up and coming vendors for the stuff you don't care about. Like if you're really interested in photography look around and get quotes, but have an idea of how much you're willing to spend and ask about different packages (I wanted amazing photographers, but I didn't need the 9hr 2 shooters package that was advertised by vendors. So instead I called and asked for a custom quote for 6hr, single camera). This helped save $$$.

    Consider having the ceremony and reception at the same place to save on venue costs. Many places around me didn't charge a rental fee for the venue if you had the reception with them and had them take care of catering. Also I chose a venue that was all inclusive, because my MOH and I tried comparing pricing of an all inclusive venue (which is more expensive) to a bare-bones one, and realized it would cost more at the end to organize renting chairs, tables, linens than it would to pay the big cost up front and have it all taken care of. This isn't always the case, but just be really aware of the amenities you're getting for the price. I know someone who ended up having to rent bathrooms because they chose a venue that was cheap but only had 2 toilets for her wedding of 200 people.

    For decorations I sourced from recently married friends, local facebook trade groups, and the dollar and craft stores. I made my own signs using free online templates and printing them on cardstock- then we're just going to throw them in cheap frames I got at the dollar store. Also my venue had some decorations available for couples to use, all I needed to do was ask around and see what they keep on hand.

    Finally, if you're not going to hire a planner, consider picking up a book with tips. I used "A Practical Wedding" and "The Knot book of wedding lists". There's lots of things I had never thought to ask about (which vendors do you tip? If you're getting married outside how to get power to the DJ for the processional music? How are older guests getting to and from the venue?) that these resources cover so you're not stuck because you hadn't thought of something.

    Anyway, you're getting some crappy comments on this, but being frugal is about saving your money so you can spend on what's important to you. There's a big push online for having your wedding be as cheap as possible, or skipping one entirely, but don't let others shame you for finding value and importance in the day. You gotta do you. PM me if you have any questions, wishing you and your partner the best!

    [–] [Misc] Some thoughts about "Carry On" by Rainbow Rowell CATSHARK_ 3 points ago in HPfanfiction

    I enjoyed reading this perspective because I love this book and am heavily involved with the Carry On fandom.

    I agree with a lot of what you said, and can understand how some of these things would turn a reader off, especially one who is very involved in the HP fandom.

    I had so much trouble getting into the book at first because the parallels with Harry Potter bothered me and felt like fanservice almost, but by the middle things were different enough that I got into it. I think what I like best about it is that it’s similar in some ways to the things I love about Harry Potter, but more accessible to someone who isn’t comfortable writing/participating in a huge fandom. Yes, some of it feels like fanservice, but for me that’s a big part of why I read hp fan fiction/look at fan art, so by the end I really enjoyed the parallels.

    In all I think the book is lovely, if a little predictable, but that might be because it’s more relationship/character based than action-y. It’s definitely like an homage to Harry Potter like stories, and that makes sense to me since Rainbow Rowell has said she’s a huge fan of Harry Potter.

    Anyway thanks for this perspective! Like I said the fandom is super small for this book and I love hearing about what people thought, especially since I feel like this book doesn’t get mentioned a lot when discussing YA.

    [–] A gay romance novel with a happy ending? CATSHARK_ 1 points ago in suggestmeabook

    Seconding Carry On!

    Also try The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue- Mackenzi Lee

    Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda- Becky Albertalli

    [–] Romance books about enemies turning into lovers? CATSHARK_ 1 points ago in suggestmeabook

    I love this trope. Maybe try checking out Carry On (m/m, Rainbow Rowell), or Captive Prince (m/m, CS Pacat).

    [–] [16F] I know I'm young and stuff but advice would be helpful CATSHARK_ 1 points ago in relationships

    Hey friend. I’m half Vietnamese and 5’1, so we’ve got a couple of things in common- at least physically. I remember being 16, and it could be rough at times. I also grew up in a super white area (there were 2 other Asian students in my highschool of 1500 kids- and they considered me white because I’m mixed).

    I see from your comments that you’re homeschooled, and honestly I think that might be a big part of why you’re feeling more alone. I don’t doubt that it’s harder as a POC, because Ive lived through that too, but maybe finding a way to expand your social circle through activities, sports, etc could help. I’m my experience as I’ve gotten older people tend to date a wider variety of people because they tend to make deeper and more lasting connections as they mature- with all kinds of people.

    Also I know it can be rough seeing ‘idealized’ standards of beauty that seem so opposite to what you look like, but as everyone here is saying Instagram isn’t real life. Definitely more representation for POC helps to dispel these ideas, but for now I’d suggest trying to limit your time on insta, or only following the feeds you really love and trying to tune out anything that brings you negative vibes.

    You don’t need to worry about being alone at 16, which isn’t to say that your feelings aren’t valid- because they totally are. I’m sorry this is hurting you right now but as you grow older and expand your social circle you’ll meet tons of new people and things will change. Not being in a relationship at 16 doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you- it’s actually super normal.

    Feel free to pm me if you want to vent about being short, mixed, or anything else. Hope this helped even a little bit.

    [–] Why it is so difficult to withdraw the overstimulation of Canadian housing: Don Pittis CATSHARK_ 17 points ago in canada

    Yes? The country is a better place when more people have affordable, stable, and clean places to live. Even if/when I inherit property I’d rather it be worth less if it means that others who were not as fortunate will be able to afford to purchase and do the same.

    [–] Teacher of 10+ years let go today, career seems bleak, what to do? CATSHARK_ 13 points ago in PersonalFinanceCanada

    Doug increased student:teacher ratios and is mandating that high school students complete some credits that would otherwise be done in class online. This has a direct affect on reducing the number of teaching positions in the public school boards in Ontario.

    [–] Teacher of 10+ years let go today, career seems bleak, what to do? CATSHARK_ 73 points ago in PersonalFinanceCanada

    Yes, teachers in Ontario have been well compensated- but I honestly believe they deserve it. We should be striving to have more professions/careers looking to teachers & their union as an example to aspire to re: collective bargaining and leveraging political influence.

    It’s only a race to the bottom when the people in the highest tax brackets start convincing those closer to the bottom that the people in the middle are the problem.

    [–] How do you organize your spices? Post them photos! CATSHARK_ 1 points ago in Cooking

    I use these too! I currently have my 25 most used spices in them, and the infrequently used stuff in little jars in cabinets.

    [–] Has Doug Ford ever worked a real job? CATSHARK_ 16 points ago in ontario

    I agree with you, except where you start blaming the liberal party and NDP. Ford is incompetent and a disgrace, but he won the election and is the premier. What exactly do you expect the other parties to do?

    [–] My (22F) boyfriend (22M) has been acting awkward around me ever since finding my erotic fan fiction CATSHARK_ 4 points ago in relationships

    You’re not. Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t entitle them to anything. So you’ve got an active imagination and rich fantasy life- it’s fantasy, just like you told him. People fantasize about things all the time that don’t affect their lives, and this is no different. Keep doing your thing, and when you’re ready you’ll be ready, and it doesn’t have anything to do with how much smut you’ve written/read/thought about.

    [–] My (22F) boyfriend (22M) has been acting awkward around me ever since finding my erotic fan fiction CATSHARK_ 1 points ago in relationships

    Hey! I write erotic mlm fan fiction. I used to keep it secret from my bf (now fiancé) but honestly I agree with the other poster that already gave their thoughts on this- this is part of who you are and what you enjoy and the right person will be understanding and supportive. I know you guys have only been dating a few months, and maybe he’s surprised because he’s got ideas of what the people who write erotica/smut are like, so I’d give him a little bit to try and figure it out and then talk to him (I know you said you don’t want to talk about it but you should).

    It might be uncomfortable to bring it up, but you shouldn’t be ashamed or shamed for something that brings you joy, you’re having a good time and you’re not hurting anyone. You don’t need to be defensive, but maybe gently remind him that there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality, and that writing is a creative outlet and hobby where it’s safe for you to have these thoughts. Tell him you feel like your relationship has changed since he’s found out, and ask what he thinks. I hope he’s just surprised and trying to figure it all out.

    But yeah, you might feel embarrassed and that’s normal, but keep doing your thing. Like I said, being a partner is about good communication and support. While he may never understand or be comfortable enough to beta your fan fiction, he shouldn’t let that affect how he treats you in the relationship.

    Good luck!

    [–] Physical books or kindle books? CATSHARK_ 4 points ago in YAlit

    I looove owning physical books (I have wall to wall bookshelves and they need stuff on them) but I’ve been reading more and more on my ereader for convenience/travel. What I’ve been doing these days is buying my books then getting an ebook of the same from my local library, so my bookshelves are full but I don’t need to drag my books around on transit or to work.

    [–] OP bought a wedding dress from China. From there, things get really complicated. CATSHARK_ 110 points ago in bestoflegaladvice

    Right? I’m getting married in August and my dress was $450 Canadian, from a legit store (David’s Bridal). Idk where she’s living but there’s tons of options in her budget and size that don’t involve purchasing from overseas sight unseen.

    [–] Tell me about your fandom CATSHARK_ 3 points ago in FanFiction

    Do I ever!

    Literally anything by BasicBathsheba, but especially this soulmate AU.

    Also this WIP, which is basically the reverse (Simon goes missing at beginning of the book) and the author wrote another Snowbaz fic which is explicit, but amazing.

    Also this which is super cute.

    [–] Tell me about your fandom CATSHARK_ 19 points ago in FanFiction

    My current fandom is for the book Carry On. I like that it’s pretty small, most people know each other from tumblr and chat on the discord, so it feels nice and social.

    There’s magic, which means a ton of possibilities for fics, and there’s only one ship and it’s canon, which means no one argues over stuff like that. Lots of my favourite tropes work really well in context of the source material- so almost all fics are enjoyable in some way, even if the fandom is smaller and has fewer stories/fan art.

    [–] What is your "I wish I had started doing that earlier in my life"? CATSHARK_ 2 points ago in AskReddit

    Yes! It’s much easier to make lifestyle changes when you’re younger. I had a “fast metabolism” when I was a teenager, but steadily gained weight during college and my 20s. I’ve lost 30lbs I’m the last year, but I’ve had to make major lifestyle changes (low carb diet, jogging 3x weekly, 10-15k steps a day). It would have been a lot easier to eat better when I was younger and prevent that weight from creeping up in the first place. It happens gradually, so I didn’t even notice it was a problem until I gained 50 pounds over 7 years. Making a bit of effort from now now will save you from having to make LOTS of effort all at once down the road. It’s an investment.

    [–] My unconventional book case CATSHARK_ 3 points ago in bookshelf

    Love your Bruner and Suddarth Med Surg. I use mine as an enormous book end

    [–] My (26M) Dad (56M) expects affection all of a sudden from me and my sister (22F) after withholding affection and being a an overall too strict parent our whole lives. And since we don’t provide the affection he wants, he gets upset. CATSHARK_ 64 points ago in relationships

    Hey friend. My Vietnamese grandpa is exactly the same way as your dad. I'm now getting married and he doesn't understand why it's in a location that's inconvenient for him, or why his side of the family isn't invited and why he can't make a speech at the wedding. He's been offering money, guilt trips, gifts, just like your dad.

    Honestly, just straight up fuck it. I see in your comments that you don't care about reconciliation, so go with that. What's worked best for me is avoidance and removing myself from situations I don't want to be in.

    When he wants affection/attention I think you should just repeat "No, I'm uncomfortable with that," and if he tries to guilt you, then something like "I don't care", or "your feelings are not my priority" will go a long way. I doubt he'll understand since you've had this conversation before, but enforcing boundaries consistently might help him realize that pushing you has no effect and might get him to stop. He's probably especially pushy right now because he realizes the older you get the less control he will have over you, so he's trying to replace his authority with guilt. Also the money/gifts.

    Speaking to someone might help. I've felt guilty before, and it can be hard to remember that your wants and needs should always come first, especially when dealing with a culture where respect to your elders is the norm. No one is entitled to your feelings/attention/affection- you don't owe him anything (my asian side of the family would die if I told them this, but it's true).

    Don't accept the gifts/money/bribes if you don't want to. It's all about doing what makes you feel comfortable and what will bring you the greatest happiness. I hope you and your sister are able to confide in each other, my siblings are my biggest supporters when it comes to family stuff.

    Feel free to PM me if you want, there's nothing I understand more than Asian family drama.

    [–] I NEED HELP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! CATSHARK_ 2 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    My mom is a pharmacist and she’s always recommended naproxen over other OTC for period cramps.