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    [–] Jimmy? Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in shameless

    I think they are the only two I can see 'ending' the series together- unless she ends as a spinster.

    [–] I just want to say that I am so sorry to anyone who's been discarded by someone with BPD. Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in BPDlovedones

    He thinks he tried everything, but therapy is the only thing that would have gave us any sort of chance.

    That is an incredibly succinct way to describe any relationship with a pwBPD. I personally believe that for there to really be a relationship with a pwBPD, they and often their partners need therapy- consistently and longterm. It very rarely happens.

    If they don't get therapy it seems as you get closer or more intimate (move in, pregnant, have the kids) each new level of 'a relationship' just brought my ex new extremes of behavior in her downward spiral.

    I wish I would have seen and understood the things you do now when I was younger, but I would strongly recommend you make a decision on your own to be done with him- and then stand by it. You still have your own agency and you should decide if you really want a relationship with him to continue, because pwBPD often try to pull you back later.

    I know things suck, but if dude wasn't going to be willing to get therapy and based on how he ended things.. maybe there is a bright side of: at least you got the good part; the love bomb stage or the honeymoon first year- and you got off Mr. Bone's Wild Ride before the police reports?

    [–] Is he for real? I need to vent. Shanguerrilla 10 points ago in BPDlovedones

    Exactly, and then they feel 'slighted' about it and either stew on it for days to weeks building it up into an obsession, or it just becomes the catalyst for the routine breakdown.

    [–] Is he for real? I need to vent. Shanguerrilla 3 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago) in BPDlovedones

    Because it's easier to rewrite all the "why's" and "how's" of each bad thing they did (and 'forget' what they can). It's easier to pretend they are an 'empath' rather than admit half the things they did and that or they behave and feel like a psychopath.

    That's a lot easier, and those like your ex do prefer the easy path.

    Plus predators aren't usually the animals with the bright colors and warnings.. I think the really malevolent pwBPD that are like that (at least from watching my ex-wife), would much prefer the world to see them as just another victim, much easier to blend in and hunt.

    [–] Is dbt therapy ever used to... Shanguerrilla 2 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago) in BPDlovedones

    There are a lot of parallels to aspects of myself that got me hooked and attracted my pwBPD. Usually kind of reversed, but similar.

    That said, DBT would be a waste for me, CBT (and after my divorce psychiatric help) were / are more beneficial to me. Part of my problem when I was with her was that I viewed things 'too' dialectically, too from other's or every perspective or possible feelings and really needed to grasp and stand up for myself and my own gut more.. I needed to become a little bit- just a smidge, more like my ex. I needed to be a little more 'selfish' as I viewed it, a little more focused on my needs and my feelings, and a little more devoted to my own perspective rather than open to validating those I was close to.

    DBT is incredibly helpful, and I think it is useful for nearly anyone, myself included.. Just I kind of needed to learn some opposite lessons to what my ex did, and she needed to learn some things opposite from me.

    [–] gf got BPD diagnosis. I do not see Shanguerrilla 6 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago) in BPDlovedones

    Right, also- most of ours are 'horror stories' of partners that are unwilling to go to treatment, accept a diagnosis, or consistently attend therapy.

    So as much of a 'BPD- RUN' as I am from looking at my own scars and outcome, I don't see BPD as necessitating horrible behavior so long as they are self aware and continually working on mindfulness and dialectic training. I see 'unwilling to accept diagnosis and STAY in therapy' RUN.

    Maybe she is different and will stay in therapy and never have any abnormal horrible behavior?

    But the other side of me always wondered if 'maybe my ex was different' and things eventually got to where my stories fit in better and better here.

    [–] Tractor trailer loses control and plows throws buildings Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in nononono

    Awesome job man! And your edited guess 'looks' closer to the speed in the video IMO.

    [–] I love this show.. so much I almost wish it ended at Season 7's finale Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in shameless

    That's true, but there's certainly people like that in our lives, that are 'written' in a way we cannot realistically be with them and keep our life on track- but 'if not for' we could have been great.

    Seems like an important aspect of relationships to portray for Ian?

    [–] I love this show.. so much I almost wish it ended at Season 7's finale Shanguerrilla 0 points ago in shameless

    Yea, I kind of saw Mickey as Ian's (as he is very alike Monica) 'Frank'. It felt important for him to choose to leave him, but it would have felt pretty fake if he hadn't 'almost' gone and struggled with it.

    [–] Las Vegas shooting: Stephen Paddock identified as gunman Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in news

    I can't actually fault them for assuming more than 1 active shooter... that murderer reached an 'awesome' (in the bad way) injury and death count. I'm pretty amazed some crotchety asshole like this guy that decided to go out this way, was as successful in something I wish he'd failed.

    But shit, if I was in the surrounding hospitals taking in patients, or on the ground watching 400+ people fall over, I'd assume more than one untrained old man.

    Plus to hear so many different kinds of guns and the way the sound would bounce around- definitely could have seemed like a small crew rather than single shooter.

    [–] my BPD ex didn't abuse his previous partners. why me? Shanguerrilla 3 points ago in BPDlovedones

    For us it was wedding night. Then, birth of child gave it turbo.

    [–] my BPD ex didn't abuse his previous partners. why me? Shanguerrilla 3 points ago * (lasted edited 22 days ago) in BPDlovedones

    The dynamics can change between people as well when in different combinations. I'm not saying my other ex (well two in particular stand out) was BPD, but she surely had traits... and she was very much the more quiet, lash inward type than the (diagnosed later) BPD lash outward LOUD one I married.

    I didn't catch any red flags with my ex wife until the very day of our marriage (after it). But the lash inward one, red flags abounded and I dumped her and a couple women like her after 2-3 year relationships that I languished in. In those, they were very much 'codependent' relationships- but I didn't feel at all dependent on them, it was just one-sided from their direction. I must have 'got' something from it since I often had 1-3 year relationships, but at the time I despised it and wanted a whole person as a partner. As a fixer, I guess I was fulfilled in some way trying to help those ex's blossom and stop lashing inward. I despised that kind of unhealthy codependence, but was in a couple relationships like that. I was in a position where I felt I 'had to' be the confrontational one, the decision maker, and 'dominant' one because they literally would 'force' that on me (or I would have to end things, just could never get their 'real' opinion, only what they thought you wanted from them). That's the only thing that worked for them, but it was obviously skewed beyond unhealthy.

    I would never have described myself as 'codependent' until after being married to my ex wife. It was weird as shit when suddenly I found myself behaving (and 'feeling forced') in a role more like those my ex's codependently led. She was very opposite in much stronger narcissistic and antisocial traits, eventually diagnosed BPD, but strong 'lash outward' and that relationship pulled a very different dynamic from me. Presumably for the same reason, a fixer in that situation would try to 'help' balance them, but you're on the opposite end of leverage.

    If my ex's from the two kinds of relationships talked- they would describe me as diametrically opposed or at least a very different relationship than my marriage (I think, maybe not).

    [–] U.S. student held in North Korea died of oxygen starved brain: coroner Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in news

    You're right. The original question stumped me too. But on top of their grieving process being potentially different-- it would change the public attention as well.

    I can imagine if it was my son, that I might most want the world to leave my family alone right now so I can more intimately grieve my son-- not read for however long, gruesome details of my son's torture and autopsy / pictures dehumanizing him and carrying forward some political issue.. Preferring to just getting the cameras to go away and have their son's funeral.

    [–] U.S. student held in North Korea died of oxygen starved brain: coroner Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in news

    Even waterboarding leaves long-term physical damage.

    I think that would depend on how they do it and most importantly if they kill you or leave you brain-dead..

    Honestly I don't believe waterboarding leaves long term (PHYSICAL) damage, unless you do it 'wrong' and ridiculously frequently... maybe if you don't kill them they have chronic pneumonia or something.

    [–] Stormstrooper Cosplay Shanguerrilla 2 points ago * (lasted edited 23 days ago) in Unexpected

    The fact that he is 6 foot 5 inches... 170 is pretty skinny for that size, his body likely requires this current 'unhealthy' diet to at least keep and not lose weight. He's probably under the healthy BMI for his height and age / sex.

    I had a similar experience until in my 30's, but it didn't seem spurred by age so much as medicine / health. I have heart issues and my heart rate was always high (along with blood pressure) for a decade... I could be wrong, but I swear that aneurysm kept me burning WAY more calories than I should have been (my resting heart rate varied from 95-115.. and if I wasn't careful- and why I was monitoring it, a casual jog could easily get it past 200 bpm).

    I think people's bodies are different. For me, maybe my heart 'affected my metabolism' as most think of it. For the guy that's 6 foot 5 though, mofo should need a lot more food / calorie intake than someone a foot shorter than them.

    I think 'metabolism' has become shorthand for how much energy a person needs to maintain their weight. And there are a gamut of slight (and minor- undiagnosed) health issues or differences, as well as large differences or health issues, or even just gender, height, and current weight that have a large effect on that.

    I think all those go into 'metabolism' as much as genetics regarding how most use the word.

    [–] Mental health professionals if Reddit, how often is the root cause really just shitty parenting? Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in AskReddit

    That is the leading theory for a lot of personality disorders (they are different from 'mental illness' in that there isn't a biochemical or physical aspect). Like Cluster B's (anti-social, narcissist, etc), the most common belief is exactly as you described. A predisposition then given the 'right' wrong environment (usually) to nurture.

    But I can't help but think things like bipolar or schizophrenia with a clear genetic trail and 'brain chemical' (or whatever) and MRI imaging differences from 'normal' brains... that stuff seems like it would be more genetic than the nature/nurture mix of personality disorders. Which makes sense, since it would be easy to see how parents could shape their kid's personality.

    [–] For the last six months, Instagram has been running this profile for shaming men on dating sites Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in MensRights

    That sounds reasonable. I'm no guru on online dating... only very recently got into it and slowly at that. I just have been surprised at the slow but steady matches / phone numbers and how easily that has led to some dates with 'normal' women I've picked from them. To give this context- I AM a single dad and most of the women I've been interested in have been single moms only a couple years younger than me.. so- I'm only trying to roll a stone downhill here by your standards. I'm not trying to meet 21 year old Russian models.

    That said, I mentioned my age because I think you're right that the demographics shift with age. Both with the online dating pool and in general, but at least in my experience I've been surprised by how many 'normal' ~30 year old people are online dating. There are a ton of overweight, older, or single parents, but there are also more than I thought who aren't. I suspect that online dating is and will continue to just get more and more normalized (for better and worse), and we'll see more and more 'normal' people online dating.

    [–] For the last six months, Instagram has been running this profile for shaming men on dating sites Shanguerrilla 1 points ago * (lasted edited 24 days ago) in MensRights

    Sure, I wouldn't word it the same, but I like it if a person writes a bio like that for similar reasons. I like not needing to waste any time to find out I'm not interested and I skip those people. So if you see a profile like that, you swipe left? I just don't see the big deal or how online dating is cancer, or your other claims hold up.

    Edit- I reread my comment.. so all those points and you focused on my mentioning a profile listing their preferences? Anyway, to clarify I think it's fine to list preferences, I have my own (I just don't list them). I typically do skip the ones with too many 'must be's', and especially if it's something I am not.. particularly those with 'unreasonable expectations'.

    What I found funny rereading our posts to reply is that I myself said my own problem (I think) is that

    I have kind of shallow or idealized expectations

    But if you think all women that are available or online dating are shallow, obese, entitled cunts.. only interested to trap you with a baby or because they are not good enough for you as they are past their prime.. If you really believe that you are a 'normal' guy and because of that all the 'normal' women would ridicule and reject you..

    Those things really make it sound to me like you have some lists somewhere in your head as unreasonable as your strawman's and that maybe you are like me and can ourselves be shallow. Maybe we both need to work on the same thing (and maybe some women do too... that is part of being human).

    I'm not saying 'us men just need to settle'. I'm saying that I can damn well be as shallow (or maybe more) moved by how a woman looks than the other 99% that is more or also important (and I certainly am just as guilty of it as the women I've dated).