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    [–] He finished his alimony payments 8 years ago. Now the state wants him to pay again Shanguerrilla 1 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago) in news

    Blame men.

    I do! I also think even that is a bit 'infantilizing' women. I don't necessarily agree with your every sentiment, but do understand your opinion (and I WAS a 'DV' "victim" though I wouldn't have called it that, until the person I never even lifted a hand to stop had me arrested based on word alone).

    Statistically, and from my 30 something years on earth.. I just think it is so stupid that not just emotionally, socially, but even "institutionalized prejudice" to treat women like a protected class exempt from many consequences (that would land even 'rich, white, politically significant' men in prison... God help a man of color)- is exceptionally disrespectful to them as our partners.. I see it solely as a problem that we as men create and uphold- I just am shocked that we can't figure out how to reduce disparity in arrests, charges, sentences, and parole- where gender and race don't matter. (Because gender or race DON'T matter- what matters is if we are competent adults and our actions).

    Accidentally edited (added a bit more on the racial side) before I saw your reply, but what you pointed out about blaming men stands (it is OUR / men's 'fault' and our ability to fix).

    [–] He finished his alimony payments 8 years ago. Now the state wants him to pay again Shanguerrilla 1 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago) in news

    And kinda like how arrests and sentencing for prison isn't also gender-dependant?

    I'm not detracting from even white/black fucked bias ALSO for arrests and sentencing when even committing similar rates of the same crime... but the largest statistical 'gap' in charges/sentencing/prison life I believe is gender.

    [Just decided to look up a couple links rather than only leave my facts out of my ass]

    If you're a criminal defendant, it may help—a lot—to be a woman. At least, that's what Prof. Sonja Starr's research on federal criminal cases suggests. Prof. Starr's recent paper, "Estimating Gender Disparities in Federal Criminal Cases," looks closely at a large dataset of federal cases, and reveals some significant findings. After controlling for the arrest offense, criminal history, and other prior characteristics, "men receive 63% longer sentences on average than women do," and "[w]omen are…twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted." This gender gap is about six times as large as the racial disparity that Prof. Starr found in another recent paper.

    Abstract This paper examines 77,236 federal offenders sentenced under the Sentencing Reform Act of 1984 and concludes the following. First, after controlling for extensive criminological, demographic, and socioeconomic variables, I found that blacks, males, and offenders with low levels of education and income receive substantially longer sentences. Second, disparities are primarily generated by departures from the guidelines, rather than differential sentencing within the guidelines. Departures produce about 55 percent of the black-white difference and 70 percent of the male-female difference. Third, although black-white disparities occur across offenses, the largest differences are for drug trafficking. The Hispanic-white disparity is generated primarily by those convicted of drug trafficking and firearm possession/trafficking. Last, blacks and males are also less likely to get no prison term when that option is available; less likely to receive downward departures; and more likely to receive upward adjustments and, conditioned on having a downward departure, receive smaller reductions than whites and females. Copyright 2001 by the University of Chicago.

    Racial, Ethnic, and Gender Disparities in Sentencing: Evidence from the U.S. Federal Courts* | Request PDF. Available from: [accessed Jun 19 2018].

    About racial disparity alone from ACLU -

    I. Racial Disparities in Sentencing in the United States There are significant racial disparities in sentencing decisions in the United States. Sentences imposed on Black males in the federal system are nearly 20 percent longer than those imposed on white males convicted of similar crimes.

    So... looks like racially we have a 20% discrepancy (and that MIGHT BE WAY worse, if it isn't adjusted for population sizes AND the higher likelihood of arrest or different stages leading to sentencing!). But everything reasoning of budgets, population size, personal experience, lack of housing, arbitrary witnessing of every courtroom's varied sentencing for them, and my being literally assaulted by one- and ME being the one arrested (like a lot of guys, even locally- right there same time as me)..

    It just seems like getting a "63% longer sentence on average" AND I assure you the same 'racial' points that DO apply- well black (or men) are arrested more for crimes even when white people (or women) commit the crime at similar rates (or rates adjusted for parity), THEN they are charged less often or with lesser crimes, offered better pleas, given lighter sentences based on the 'quality' and innocence of their race/gender..

    I don't have any animosity about it, in fact as a white guy who's been to jail- it really is just one more way I can empathize with and feel bad for the FACT THAT each jail had WAY more African American / Latino than white (or close to 50/50 even in places WAY less represented). That was fucked, so were many of the friends' I'd meet in their's stories.

    I think that we need to DEFINITELY unfuck the racial bias in the courts. Still we ALSO need to be aware and notice this stuff- we need to make it more fair.

    Among 'groups' that we sympathize or easily see as victims / innocent- it's easy as crap for us as a society to infantilize women (and that is disrespectful to them). We do that when we ignore the HUGE disparity between men and women (that also exists). We do believe in equality after all. But personally, I'd prefer seeing less racial disparity, less black men going to jail, especially over bullshit.. But even 'for crimes' we have WAY too many people imprisoned for nonviolent, no victim / drug charges- and it angers me how FUCKING biased they turn that screw exponentially on minority's chances of improving their lives or the "racial disparity" that exists.

    I don't really want to see 'more women in jail', but to a degree like racially, by gender there IS also a huge disparity over each same issue as race- that we never really talk about. It feels stupid to treat adult women like children about certain crimes- responsible for the consequences of their drinking here / but not here, because you're 'a woman'. It is also silly to me to treat either 'gender' as a minority... they are pretty damn even. We make slightly more boy than girl babies (around 107 boys out of every 100 girls), but in most of the western world it's near 100 / 100 by 25 and every year past that there are more 'men than women' of that age / decade- until 8 out of every 10 centenarians are women. So... if after the age of ~25 in the western world they AREN'T a minority and actually 'more' women than men, if 'men' (regardless gender) are the minority after the age of ~25... ...Why are "93.2 percent of the approximately 185,500 federal inmates are men, and only 6.8 percent are women.. when This gap becomes all the more astonishing when you compare the stats to the makeup of the general population? Even when we have many studies showing a shockingly small 'gap' in crime committed by gender?

    According to that one doctorate or whatever:

    After controlling for the arrest offense, criminal history, and other prior characteristics, "men receive 63% longer sentences on average than women do," and "[w]omen are…twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted." This gender gap is about six times as large as the racial disparity that Prof. Starr found in another recent paper.

    Mentioning gender isn't to minimize the racial aspect, just helped me understand / empathize a bit more seeing it repeat and repeat for decades around me and as it affected me. I think white being ~6 times less likely than African Americans to be incarcerated IS A HUGE FUCKING DEAL that NEEDS to be fixed. I just would think that the general 'white / man' (imaginary patriarchy) might be able to empathize and focus on how fucked that is... Considering when grouping all races together, men are over 9 times more likely to be incarcerated by the same statistic. As a white man, I feel like my experience proved I was a lot more privileged than many guys I'd meet in jail that belonged to a 'minority,' (except undocumented, they often got released instead).. but the fact we as men are 9 times more likely than a woman to be incarcerated- ought to give men of any color perspective to see HOW FUCKED almost the same discrepancy is for people of color (and in real-world practice, it's a lot worse than just these numbers).

    [–] Indiana state trooper lauded as 'hero' for pulling over 'slowpoke' driver Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in news

    GRRRR RIGHT?! I hate that one, but my biggest pet peeve is- I drive a car some guys 'want to race' and others might think I'm a douche (it's a little loud- just a 3 year old car with a 6.4 liter). I DON'T engage in the races, but had multiple other V8, smaller cars aggressively driving, matching my speed, trying to goad me into racing.. block me in the right if I don't. THAT is NOT the thing I mean specifically though-

    I actually think the car we drive doesn't matter, I see it happen more now with the 'really fast' speeders that 'want to be' in front of me- but driving any car I cannot freaking STAND it when the cars do just like you said-- but then they don't get over- AND THEY FUCKING SLOW DOWN ONCE YOU GET OVER AND START MATCHING YOUR DAMN SPEED.

    Hard to not get irritated for me when they are going 5-10 faster in my rear view. I pull into the right, [if they WOULD JUST continue the SAME PACE they were- I won't have to even slow down and can get in behind them before the slower obstacle in right lane..] But nope- they speed to get next to me, then they go the SAME FUCKING SPEED I WAS, and now I have to hit the breaks and while in the right hand lane / speed and eventually go to the END of the fucking line behind these kind of usually 'faster' of the speeder assholes... I don't mind speeding, just don't like asshole driving! lol

    I guess it really is an ego / power thing. I always thought it was subconscious, tried to think 'they think' they want to go faster than they end up doing 'when' there isn't ME in front of them serving as bait for cops? I've tried to never take offense, but with your complaint and this, I'm thinking it's definitely on purpose... huh, I'ma still pretend it's accidental so I don't drive like more of an asshole.

    [–] Actor Vince Vaughn arrested for DUI Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in news

    So I had a dickhead friend like that, I guess even 14 years later albeit only occasional, I still have a dickhead friend [although not his only quality].

    I can at least confirm it is possible, my arbitrary experience wasn't particularly bad, just a night in jail and little money:

    I was sitting in his car. He drove to the police station to make a report about a girlfriend's dad trying to beat the shit out of him. That was all I know, I waited in the car, but apparently (and knowing my friend- yea) he had quickly pissed the cop off enough to rap on my passenger window (I waited in the car). He asked me like two questions related to the simple report my friend first went to make and I answered honestly. This got me a public intoxication.

    His third question was have I been drinking because he smells alcohol. I said, yessir I had one screwdriver about 45 minutes ago (that was also the truth), but I'm not driving or drunk officer.
    He breathalyzed me, I was like 0.02-0.06 BAC... but admittedly I was only ~20 years old. Likely though my age didn't matter as much as if he wanted to fuck me because my friend pissed him off.

    That charge still kind of pisses me off now that you got me thinking about 'having seen' that take place once... but it was my choice to drink and maybe it was simply the fact I was underage and TOLD the truth like a dumbass.

    [–] US officially repeals net neutrality rules Shanguerrilla 1 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago) in news

    Technically I am registered as a republican in a state exactly like you're talking about. I realize it isn't going to make them immediately win- but I do still go out and specifically vote against any republican I can (and shit- a few times I was at the polls a seat didn't have any democrats running against them).

    I'm not saying if people in Alabama, today, all the democrats got 100% voting at the polls- statistically they would win. You're surely right. But if there was poor Republican turnout (maybe some more libertarian like me, 'republican' on paper- still voting against all the "good ole boys" and writing my senator or rep (occasionally) over issues with upcoming bills. That also has been ineffectual- I haven't saved my state or Alabama.

    I'm not even a good role model for doing the best I can to consistently do this for "EVERY" election and I can't say I've not entirely missed plenty. I just believe if more democrats were active in the very red states, even if it was Alabama, that they'd lose this year. Maybe the next election.. But if they have WAY higher percentage voting- writing their representatives, just more and more consistent individually being 'politically active,' it would create more conversation and slowly closer to having a change into (or at least some opportunities to) be a swing state.

    Also, in some of those polls I mentioned there at times being no democrat even opposing the republican good ole boy... So- democrats should maybe find at least one person to even put on the poll and run- if they want to EVER help us stop the same group running these states' decisions, and legislations without any power to challenge them. Even though I'm not a Democrat- places like this fucking need people to actually get more active (rather than looking at it like Eeyore and deciding it is just pointless anyways- so lets all look at it and watch it get worse while we do nothing.

    Because doing nothing is the only way we lose and it's what we are doing. Those seats there wasn't a democrat running didn't even have the ability to win and their assured 0% chance for that seat- it sends a message to Republicans, it helps us think "what's the point, even if only 20% of them..." and tells the good ole boys they can push the boundaries farther, and it means next year the party is even weaker rather than slowly growing. If the democrats actually had political activity in the state- at least to the point of having someone to oppose the good ole boys then in your example they still have a chance that when Dems have 100% voting and Reps have 20% voting that election.. That's "a chance" right now, but it would surely grow over time if we actually become more resolute in our political activity- rather than more complacent and apathetic facing such 1-sided BS politically (I've often been myself complicit at in feeling and acting that way many times).

    I actually feel strongly about that idea though regardless if the good ole boys are red or blue, I don't like that there are states SO fully controlled by the same people. I'm not saying I never learn about politicians or vote for my positions- I do, but that isn't dictated by party (and on most the state stuff- doing that aligns with any vote against the incumbent). Even if the smaller party can't actually win, just forcing conversations, making their presence as a party and individual politicians that are active in these states- would be SIGNIFICANT change and progress. I can't think of major democrat politicians focusing on the ALL red states (or visa versa), but would the states they spent all their campaign time and promises for have voted for them either... had they never visited or spent the time or election promises. In the absolute least, that minimal activity (have politicians running, stay active and be known) would even in its utter failing STILL help to force the incumbent party to actually keep shit on the rails, have certain discussions, and hopefully actually "compete" as politicians for seats eventually.

    (I didn't intend any of that accusatory or any of my reply "personal" or even directed at you, I just get a little passionate on some topics and that does NOT reduce my rambling..)

    [–] US officially repeals net neutrality rules Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in news

    I do too, but still always typically try to go vote against them anyway on at least important polls.

    Honestly EVERYWHERE would be

    a place where our vote matter because the state is so heavily biased one way or another...

    if we all act that way or believe that.

    [–] US officially repeals net neutrality rules Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in news

    I've never heard that saying, but I fucking love it (and hate myself for loving it). That's how I've always felt, but I don't do anything 'effective' to help- literally all I do is go to vote and in a typically red only state, I'm not a democrat, but I always go and vote for whoever is running against the republicans in this state (god I hate this state..). It doesn't help, but I do my little impotent rage at trying to unseat the same assholes who always take nearly every fucking seat.

    -but like you said, if it worked...

    [–] Nine-year-old girl placed into rehab for her Fortnite addiction Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in news

    Damn I would have been proud as fuck of you as a sibling or parent. That was very fucking responsible of a way to help yourself 'help yourself'. I didn't know consoles had those options, that is really good information to share as well!

    [–] The vast majority of your problems stem from thinking about your feelings. Shanguerrilla 2 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago) in TheRedPill

    You are so damn right!

    I definitely 'get' that way we look back and see the things we never could until after 'finding the solution' (it seems SO OBVIOUS after). "Woe is me" never helped at all, one-itis, or talking to (negotiating) or getting into 'emotional reasoning' with am SO or woman (or even 'man') never has been productive- yet was what I tried for years in my ignorance. It seemed so clear to me! LMFAO.

    It wasn't until that one man I say became a mentor (I think he would too, I just feel like I'm 'cheating' to call him that when he was a professional I saw... but after a year+, if good, it kind of starts to go both ways- he did invest and mean a lot to me). Aftat that, fuck- no, DURING that first year with him... he wasn't on "TRP" but he fucking embodied everything we champion- that fucker was a God-damned natural and one hell of an awesome man... he really WAS the one who helped me 'shake my head' at the 'woe is me'. He would have slapped that the fuck out of me if he wasn't always so damn good at seeing through and speaking to, and helping me help myself. I swear to god, I don't get emotional at a lot, I don't even ever mention this guy a lot or except where guys might understand-- but whenever I do, holy fuck.. he meant and means a lot to me, he helped me open my eyes, see myself, and be the man I am--- Even the most 'blue-pill' that my thinking could have EVER become, would and did--- THAT is enough to 'snap me out of it' because he wasn't just offering my blue-pill ass salvation, he was giving me the tools, perspective, and ability to take care myself, be a man, and be the father I am to my son. It's like that simple idea that a man IS what he chooses to BE. I am forever grateful to him- I really wanted to say his name, but while I'm not 'worried' about being Dox'ed- I DO appreciate you warning. I took a little bit of the things most 'clarifying' out, not worried for the rest. Honestly, fuck it though- so I got out what I (wasn't worried about, but.... I do deal with crazy, and you're right TRP is targeted)-- I will never, ever be ashamed or afraid to say though- that you're right. The men are already there. Talk to everyone that you want to (except your one-itis if the case / need be). We filter what we say / share, but it is so important to and to find the few people that we can trust (within boundaries- boundaries are important here and everywhere).

    What's more, wow, many things my male peers have to endure just like me. Talking with them helps, too. So many common things - and the events, they repeat over and over again, just with different names and dates. I should have been talking to them much earlier.

    But holy shit you're right. When I started talking to more men and more friends- MANY 'sane' women did crazier shit than my legit "Gone Girl" ex. Even some of the women I've been with since, they have seemingly 'sane' men ex's, that did or do as much or crazier shit than a legit psycho.. From the men around me, each time I do find that trust and share how I decide to, from my experience I've found INCREDIBLY relatable stories. The names, places, and times change- but honestly..... it's "scary" how similar many of our fellow brothers' stories- whether they are with "crazy" or not... We all have that capacity (and sadly most women don't seem to [statistically] find themselves 'forced' to cope with it to fit into a society or be imprisoned and ruined for it like men----- so even 'sane' women get away with acting crazy. What surprises me is how much 'normal' people men or women do "CRAZY" shit.. I'm still sorting that one out actually, I'm sick enough in my own ways where I can 'get' with women, yet seem to have a pattern of 'choosing' the demons from my past to bring home).

    Anyway, I really related and appreciated your comment. I wasn't worried about personal info- I've said most this elsewhere over the years- BUT appreciated- TRP is targeted, you're right. Even if I 'don't care' now, I still prefer to avoid rather than feed drama- so on your advice (and after seeing the Illimitable Man's new post) I took out some of the specifici info. Thank you for reading, for relating (and I damn sure can to you), and your advice and comment!

    [–] The vast majority of your problems stem from thinking about your feelings. Shanguerrilla 2 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago) in TheRedPill

    Jesus dude! You really are a great therapist, especially on this stuff!

    You're 100% correct! I wish I could have learned it from an article and not from being "zeroed out" (AT LEAST 2 TIMES, arguably 3... but 18 year old me didn't have as much to lose when losing everything and my freedom then fighting back up.. so not quite 3). The one at 22-27 (was a hard climb) then again at ~32-33 were fucking killer..

    Goddamn those are the times man. I expect that's why this last experience was as profound and life-changing... as the second or third time- and with all the new self-awareness and experiences of time and fatherhood and fucked and getting up.. That 'zeroing' out was the hardest of any, not at all for losing my ex, I left her.. but it was hard to have 12 years of accumulation / life / and then a son as one of my largest priorities throughout... Was a slow escalation that I could have (and should have) avoided, but I did the wrong thing for the right reason instead and thought I was hanging on as long as I could 'for my son'. I stood and took it without even stopping her since she held my son and I was certain her trying to hurt me as much as she can would be increased (and more importantly increase the CRAZY for my son) IF I tried to take him, since she was already in a psychotic state that night. Shit was scary, it's weird I didn't feel that, everything was math and reason, so I walked off and locked the door- deciding he's safer with CRAZY than me escalating it. She tried a couple times after he was asleep, then she called and lied to the cops and I was arrested and drug through the mud.

    That whole marriage was a travesty of my own choosing and making. Sucked to literally and legally lose every possession to a woman that was for almost a decade nothing more than my dependent that never worked. Sucked that the police cared less about her getting into hit and runs WITH my then just barely 2 year old son, running.. driving no license.. (since she wasn't even arrested... and they left my son with her.. whereas her 'words' were enough even as an illegal to have me arrested and barred from my home and son..)

    That zeroing out was the most fucking difficult since I had to "do the greater good" (thinking 'years' or 'lifetime') and leave my son with a monster I clearly couldn't or wouldn't 'handle' coexisting with as a BIG strong man. Losing all my money and possessions AND access to my home that I work a good career.. that was nothing next to the priorities of my life and my son's... and he was with 'satan' and outside my reach until I was acquitted a month later (then still until court settles or goes to trial a year+ out)... Until I was finally able to leverage her hit-and-run (not arrested, but she got a traffic summons) court coming up, and gathered my finances enough to scare / lure her to settle and give me 'enough' custody and 50/50 control that I can protect my son (her only alternative was I would stop paying her bills or giving her support, if she can't care for my son I'd call CPS, and I would continue toward that court date a year out and NOT stop until I had 100% custody). So she settled, fucking finally, that was my hardest zeroing out- unfortunately they have been logarithmic to an extent. We know how to 'lose everything' and build it back up from a pile of our losses- but the longer between the zeroing out- the more we have to lose.. Shit honestly gets harder and harder the more times we fall for the same shit- here's to hoping I'm taking notes and making the right changes.

    So I've been zeroed 2-3 times, but that was the hardest. To go from having everything for a decade, home, multiple cars, bikes, dogs, the picket fence and awesome son-- to losing your freedom, name in the mud, (two years later, this Ex-cluster B is STILL obsessed with me and 'ruining my life' 'to get what's coming me' and that's fine, she's done her best to for years and years)...

    I've always used or thought of Sisyphus related to the times I stayed, holding a line I didn't NEED to hold for women in my life. It's strange I've never felt that way the times I dug my way out of the HUGE holes I dug myself... times I felt I was (and in reality WAS) coming back from LESS than zero.

    I'm not the regular overtly alpha-Chad obviously, but I've gone through shit- like everyone has. I feel blessed to have though, my past is my greatest asset today while all its debts I've already paid. I learned a shit ton about myself through every failure and knockdown.. by getting up and moving forward. Most of all I learned how to really "never give up." And that sometimes "never giving up" means to cut anchor and sail the fuck off from the shore and people or life you were- because the thing I can "never give up" is myself and my integrity. It's crucial to me, and for my son. "Not giving up" means to give up on the things NOT our priority (like Sisyphus's BIG ASS ROCK!).

    The world can be on fire around me, but at the end of the day 'who' I am (that is growing/evolving/progressing) and my integrity (that has been constant and I'm proud of that) are the only two things I will/can never compromise. To me, my integrity and priorities are personal and for me- but damn near the top of mine just below me is my son; he's my hero or strength and teacher at least as much as I have (and do a decent job of) providing him. If the world's on fire, no matter what happens my life took me to a place of peace or acceptance with 'reality now'... If the world is going to burn down and it's out of my control, I won't be anyone but consistently me and I'm damn sure ESPECIALLY NOT THEN going to sacrifice my chosen integrities. I'm not perfect, but I fucking love myself and appreciate me. Like, the best thing I can do then is my best in that moment, model and live and die as best I can that honors my values and priorities (which strongly now extend to my 4 year old son).

    I can't handle subjective shit or too many details. I've always (since ~2015) simplified who I am and my decisions into this: no matter the day, I will be able to look at the man in the mirror feel pride at the end of each day I'm alive-- it's that simple and then I've succeeded. I don't give a shit what people try to paint or judge (especially from past BS like the false DV charges, while I'm readily willing to share to boys/young men my failures and mistakes for guidance).

    I've always thought and believed that if you took and locked me into a room with a rattlesnake, some water, and a heat source for long enough, you'll find me skinny, immune to rattlesnake venom, and some snake bones. Nothing can keep us down, nothing can win if we just keep getting up.

    I used to feel like Sisyphus, always choosing Sisyphean tasks and staying WAY longer than I should. I agree that positive masculinity or 'maleness' (or the idea) that "I'm good" "I've mastered this!" is beyond ignorant- it's counterproductive. I didn't mean to portray that. I'm 'prepared' only by knowing how unprepared I am, by knowing to collect resources along the way, lighten my load where I should, and no matter what just keep progressing and moving forward on the path I choose until the end.

    What's odd though, is you ARE right that I'm not ready for my father to die. I love my mom and she's alive and awesome, but of all this last post, the father thing is a good reminder to your point. WE NEVER are done learning or growing and building the men we are. We always need to progress, learn how to better use the tools we have, add tools, and sometimes (often) even lighten the load and get rid of the tools we use to misuse and have uselessly been carrying around since we used the correct ones... but always changing- that IS life, always healing and growing (and growing stronger)- that IS 'being a man' to me.

    The 'argument' that you and I see, is that 'when you can'... sensitivity or mindfulness and awareness and even (selective) sharing of our emotions isn't just useful in the right way in relationships with women... It's fucking nice to be whole, feel whole, it's useful too in our relationship with ourselves, our children, family, friends, etc..

    Great great posts man. I can't even comment on this part- I fucking just really loved this part and am still digesting it (that and the father part hit "even me" through my arrogance really hard!):

    Even when you have mastered your emotions, you will be brought down again by new adverse experiences. We will not always have the tools to move forward. Rather than depending on someone else, it becomes our job to recognize that we are getting tired pushing that boulder up the mountain and to look for some stones and sticks to hold it temporarily.

    Women are neither stones nor sticks.

    Damn man, really great talking to you. I'm fucking happy that somewhere out there YOU are a therapist a guy is going to go to for help. I have another really great old fashioned '50's' type guy that I still go see. Therapy is one of many tools we need to sometimes appreciate and apply (that Navy SEAL fucking saved my and my son's future- he was ONE HELL of a stick and stone to help me hold that rock up.. Until he mentored me into realizing I wasn't Sisyphus).

    Edit- I've ALWAYS and STILL am REALLY BAD at "recognizing that we are getting tired and looking for resources to hold it temporarily" or lighten the load.. I'm good at not expecting or looking for others to help, but I'm shit at always keeping on top of that "I'm tired" gauge. We can't hang on until we 'can't' or we'll be unable to grab anything on the way down to save ourselves (or my son). Great reminder... I got through some things by focusing on "NEVER" giving up, brainwashing myself to an extent- there are still times I definitely need to remember that part. Great points!

    [–] The vast majority of your problems stem from thinking about your feelings. Shanguerrilla 3 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago) in TheRedPill

    God, man- you are on point for guys on the path or track I was!

    Yea, I really relate and understand every word of that, not because I know everything, but I walked (and am walking) that out.

    The issue for guys like me... I am a bit of an introvert, but that's a pointless indicator once adults ('any' social stuff NOT small, one-on-one, or one woman, or my son-- drains me..), but as a busy man I've only got a few nights a week that others' can work to fit (and I'm not against compromise- but it's hard to be extremely social sometimes with our careers, being a single dad [even 50/50], and the regular stuff for our own physical, personal, financial improvement's we prioritize take time. It's still ALL overcomable, those aren't excuses, just the 'time/energy budget' I like.

    That said, even an introvert like me can be 'the life of the party' (in fact, I love that shit, just in moderation... If I was in big social things 3 - 7 nights a week I'd never really 'be' that or enjoy it..

    So it isn't the introvert aspect of me, but fucking hell your last line is REALLY valuable to people who need it (and unfortunately when I 'needed' it I may not have noticed it so strongly):

    If you have the tools and demonstrate that you can control your emotions, talking about your emotions with women can only build attraction. But if there's even a chance of being dependent or reliant, it's not worth the risk.

    So I actually do have the tools, but only NOW- after fatherhood, going through hell to find the man I am and what parts can't be broke or burnt off, and I needed to read books, self-assess, be more mindful, work on anxiety and depression once I 'unlocked' my emotions, etc..... But now- I'm there and I've always flirted with it. The issue is that even though I 'feel' there is no chance of becoming dependent or reliant- I am smart enough to know how dumb I am. But that is a great quote to sum up and be discretionary; on all the rest of the comment I also completely agree.

    I had to fail at that again and again and keep getting up before that 'lesson' really was how I live, but honestly, I very much trust and 'know' myself. Part of that is to realize that I CAN do this AND DO have the:

    "tools and demonstrate that you can control your emotions, talking about your emotions with women can only build attraction. But if there's even a chance of being dependent or reliant, it's not worth the risk."

    But I think what was most important was keeping the 'spectrum' over 'black and white' thinking- you are prescient there, I just recognize in myself the chances or risks of becoming dependent or reliant ahead of time (after PLENTY of failures, and likely some more). I have gotten better about doing 'both', more able to share or to not share, and to judge when or when not to. What was nicest though was the 'completeness' in that, it is so fucking relieving to live this way, we can have both once we have the tools. It's NECESSARY to have them, they vary person to person in use and usefulness- but we all need our own toolbelt. I really think that once you are competent with your growing toolbelt though, we can have both. Control and talk about what (emotions) we need to AND I HAVE seen it build attractions... but I'm mid-30's, got most my things under control or figured out or in progress and the light.. It was NOT that way before I had the toolbelt, I'm not a 'natural' like some likely are about that stuff. With that tool belt and ROUTINE practice using it and perfecting it- we really can learn to anticipate or cut anchor based on that chance of growing unhealthy attachment-- because THAT IS NOT WORTH THE RISK!!!! God, I wish I could save my son and godsons or any men from my mistakes, the problem is I was a very obstinate man even as a boy, and I had to purchase and earn my lessons with repeated failure. Hoping to save my boy from that!

    Really great posts /u/feoen! Great content man, I really hope some younger guys benefit from it, but really nice regardless to find someone else with my opinion on this stuff (mine isn't academic, but anyone can notice a pattern after enough decades!)

    [–] Man Acquitted Of Rape After 25 Years In Prison To Get $10M Shanguerrilla 1 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago) in news

    That's what I was thinking as well.. I can't even remember how long I was in for as a stupid ~22 year old just for weed... Months in county before they finally signed me on recognizance to not have to wait for court inside.

    I did okay. I learned about myself and 'used' it as a reason to change my life's direction (not that 'weed's bad' but,) I NEVER wanted to go back. There were a few fights and one guy with a couple that wanted to do some shit to me while I was there, but in the end I didn't get shanked, my ass beat (or anything put in it!).

    The boredom and the unhuman or subhuman way you feel and are treated by the guards and seemingly world... I never wanted to lose my freedom again.

    [–] Women just want to be GIRLS. Shanguerrilla 3 points ago in TheRedPill

    I don't think most noticed the Patrice O'Neal reference there, perfect context for that clip though!

    Couldn't find the clip you referenced from (I think) a podcast?

    [–] The vast majority of your problems stem from thinking about your feelings. Shanguerrilla 3 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago) in TheRedPill

    Thanks for your perspective. I actually agree, I spent at least a decade with 'bound' feelings.. not in touch at all with 'how' I felt and seemingly 'not allowing' or accepting or letting myself feel,'break' (by losing control of my emotions: crying, angry, etc..) or even USE my emotions as the empowerment / guiding force they can now be.

    I forget his phrase, but the book that helped me tremendously to get more in touch with myself, stronger, more whole and 'easier' to prioritize myself and my future and able to be more present was called "Healing the Shame That Binds," it seems silly to mention a book like that here, but it was incredibly helpful to my first survival and later thriving, being able to be more present in any present, and be more 'the man' I want/decide in EXACTLY the way you champion:

    Emotions are survival signals. Men must feel them, and men must act.

    And nothing has helped my life, my son's, or even my relationships (or mindset and opportunities) with women--- NOTHING has remotely helped me as much as really getting myself balanced and MORE in touch with my emotions- as that let me NOT be as controlled by my feelings and be more mindful and present. The biggest benefit was not just that my subconscious wasn't hidden or driving me- but women, kids, bosses, family, strangers, catastrophes, surgeries, flat tires, car accidents, acts of God... whatever the fuck happens externally doesn't get to direct my feelings. I can't control all the uncontrollable in the world and future, I can't fix crazy women or save anyone from themselves.. Best I can do for myself or anyone is lead by example of how to save myself. So I do, but shit it was nice to not let people or situations manipulate and 'make us' feel or act.

    I used to on some level behave like I was 'god'. Like I controlled and was responsible for people and things I don't. I NEVER again feel any tug to 'caretake' anyone's feelings. I think due to my ex I get klaxons for even the 'regular' guilt tripping normal people do. But the irony is women and children believe that things and people affect their emotions and their emotions are uncontrollable, in reality EVERYTHING women and children (and I used to) try to control- I had ZERO- and the ONE thing I control is myself (including my feelings).

    Between that book, a couple years of therapy with a great therapist. I had to kind of go on a journey of my own path and distance to get from the 'numb' reacting younger man- unaware of his emotions- to really learning and directing who I am, awareness and processing (rather than being controlled by my emotions), and like a lightswitch 'manipulative' people or the external things we can't control in the world haven't been able to "make me feel" or "make me do" ANYTHING since 2015. I think we all need our own journey, I likened this as part of my 'right of manhood' even if I was in my 20's by the time it took root. For myself I needed to read that book, have that fucked relationship with a true blue Cluster B.. and luckily that therapist became really a mentor to me. Guy was a retired Navy Seal / then therapist until he passed unexpectedly right around my 8th year previously with my ex, Satan.

    I really did learn how "emotions" are EXTREMELY necessary to get us in "motion" to fill our needs and be the men we are / want to be. I knew how easy it was to 'not react' or 'to react' (I was brilliant at either when I was more fucked up and more clueless toward my subconscious, motivations, or feelings). The hard part for me was to get through my own denial, face my insecurities and fears. Then I finally learned you don't have to 'face your demons' and to walk away.

    It's weird that facing my insecurities and getting more in touch with my emotions- 'accepting' myself (as I am 'right now) made me stronger, more confident, and MORE able to actually act and improve myself. "Accepting myself" seems like stupid shit to talk about on TRP, but I've always had my best success and am personally my strongest when doing something out of priority and compassion. Doing something because I accept or love myself- faults and all- for me has always outperformed and been more pleasant than doing things "because I HATE, don't accept, don't value, or am disgusted by myself or something."

    Going through hell and facing my shortcomings was NECESSARY (for me) to use to become stronger with each obstacle and setback. I've been certain I can always trust myself (now and in the future) which makes me able to be mindful and more in the present while preparing for any future I know I have ME to rely on and trust there/then too. So I worry less about things I can't control in the future, and similarly I trust what I do in the present to be the best I can with what I know and have available. (That's the mantra of what I do so I can trust myself). As a result though, that 'accepting myself' allowed me to not dwell in the past- I can't touch or interact with it! Maybe it stems from just accepting today, myself, the things I can't control, but I stopped having depression, regret, useless or unneeded guilt or shame... Every day of my past- as hellish the moment or memory- THE ONLY thing the past give me is assets and resources. Even the 'negative' is positive, because I accept myself today. Prioritizing myself and and being 'selfish' in healthy ways ironically also lets us be more able to not just be whole or myself, but is necessary for us to ever have healthy attachment and realer compassion for ourselves AND others- though 'others' wasn't my goal.

    Apologies this is written so rambling and for the jumping around. I just wanted to say I completely agree with you, it's an odd topic to discuss here AND I was more fucked up with my emotions (and hopefully still am) more than 'most' men. As exaggerated or extreme my "men don't feel" and concentrated the experience of marriage and divorce to a woman with a Cluster B personality... It was clear I was both powerless and without a rudder when I 'bound' my emotions and tried to never react (insomuch "not reacting" was my unhealthy WAY OF REACTING!), and it was explicitly the emotions aspects in your post that took me from where I was to here, specifically learning to recognize and ANALYZE [and hidden in there is also "Accept"] our feelings.

    [–] What fighting style is worth the money to learn? Shanguerrilla 2 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago) in AskMen

    Your explanation about your perspective (and your background) make perfect sense. Your comments really have a lot of worth and are.. As I said, really well written. I found it VERY well organized and clear.

    About your fitness, strength, aerobic, and "learn to hit and get hit" anf "learn to roll on the mat"... The best instructor started every lesson and all homework on fitness.. Then learning to get hit and hit. Forge your body, experience it all...

    I 100% agree. I haven't practiced anything for 14 years. I "look" fit fo4 a mid 30s man.. But have an aortic anyeurism, connective tissue disorder (cool! Long reach and,crazy flexibility! Not,cool,once older..), and frankly I can't keep my fitness up.

    I do agree though! I did kempo, tae kwon do. Then a but of what was tae kwon do... But instructor was awesome... BIG on fitness first, teaching us deeper shit than fighting about being a 'man' we choose.... He got me in good shape my first time. Then he was an odd guy. Very very dedicated to 3 or 4 martial arts, taught us pieces of each and about ourselves and adversity, etc...

    I'm grateful for the full contact sparring, the focus on "last resort" weapon or enemy moves focusing on joints, organs, and bones that quickest eliminate the threat- if you can't RUN or fight as needed TO RUN.

    I didn't realize until this thread how much even what little practice I had an,impact on me. (Insomuch, it gave me clues I had a connective tissue disorder, weird arm/leg length and flexibility.. And an ignorable pain tolerance from.... Always.. But I didn't know all these other "tougher" guys with boxing,and,other training,that seemed,so,confident.... I could,usually,stop, take down, and submit or choke out (these were guys volunteering and practicing in our class too)... Shit was really useful to my own "becoming,a,man" process, and helped me now and then in bad situations since.

    That honestly you're right. I AM NOT a martial artist, but luckily my teacher that had the. Biggest impact taught to run, or fuck,them,up till you can.. Or plenty of full contact sparring and grappling to "get comfortable". I'm nothing, but even being somewhat comfortable with hit, getting hit, defense, the awareness of running (and no ego escalations- since we "can fight" it just is our last plan since we know what that means...

    I think all young men NEED those experiences, but between kempo, and 2 or 3 other "arts" (I only,got,cursory lessons in from,my instructor) I mastered NONE, but learned about myself along the way.

    I think THE INSTRUCTOR (sensei, or whatever), and a person's need, money, convenience...... More than "what art"- having a really amazing instructor and peers and higher ups to climb toward and hopefully beating... (To me.. This was before "MMA" gyms, but a good instructor, and instruction best for you and your potential opponents' striking, take down, grappling... Etc.

    Any is HUGE compared,to none... Least my lack of experience or mastery in "martial,arts" taught me,to,not,fight for,ego... To,run.. And the confidence or knowledge of violence,(giving,or,receiving) and my limits.

    I think every young man, my son included if he does it for him.. Should test themselves. Learn some standup and grappling... Even if I never had used it- taught and helped me a ton learning the man I was.

    Great posts man. I really am getting excited about this stuff again, I have A 4 year old.. But have a 13 year old now from my girl here. I wasn't ready to share that level of stuff He's at.. And to me it's best with groundwork and foundation. But I have been thinking more on this as well,the last year. I'm just not as learned, varied, or experienced qs you. Still from my limited experience, I completely agree!

    Apologies this has so many typos, tried to do it from,my phone.

    [–] What fighting style is worth the money to learn? Shanguerrilla 1 points ago in AskMen

    I have similar to ehler danlos (and before my genetic test wondered if yours from my symptoms and my son's craniosynitosis)

    What's funny is ive been thinking the same thing. I used to train a little in some mixed arts for years... 15 years ago. Now that I have a bad anyeurism (amd oir regular stuff) I've been thinking of amd wishing I could get into something again- also with the feeling unlike before I will fight or run as if one punch is going to kill me now.. Since it could, and I'm a father.

    Also I really miss it and having three boys it is a thing I hope they get into if possible. It really meant a lot to me as a teen and young adult to "learn" part of who I was on accident while learning to fight and competing with peers and whatnot.

    Great post, I need to look into systema!

    [–] What fighting style is worth the money to learn? Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in AskMen

    That is an awesome take and experience.. Really convinved me of an aspect I never considered, thanks for the comment.

    This may be weird, but you somehow were thorough, detailed, concise and succinct in your comment, it stood out to me.
    Are you an author or English teacher (if you don't mind saying)?

    [–] Men who's exes left them for another woman, how did you take it? Shanguerrilla 16 points ago * (lasted edited 16 days ago) in AskMen

    My take as a man, divorced and now engaged to another.. I agree-

    Shit.. There is no "investment" into partners (vows or not). If in 5 years I don't leave a woman, then she leaves me... I didn't "lose anything" about it from those years... (It DOES NOT matter, but I left /divorced mine.. Just it really doesnt matter "who" to me). They were worthless or they still have worth, whether 5 years or days or decades- I can't change the past (or those X years), but life taught me to appreciate that HEY RIGHT NOW I am losing nothing (regardless past) by "losing" a partner that didn't work out acceptable to me or them short term or long. I really don't care who is to blame or fault, or who "ended things" I just feel that's the 'best' outcome when things like that occur that we cant and woudn't want to control even if we could.

    I would lament "losing" the woman I don't lose, just as I don't mind losing a cheater or liar or someone who I wouldn't be happy with (whether it me or they that "leave" both prove I wouldn't have been happy and am "losing" NOTHING).

    [–] What just screams “I’m a piece of shit”? Shanguerrilla 1 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago) in AskReddit

    This is awesome! I was literally having this same discussion with my fiancée about this (I suddenly went from just having a 3 year old to also having a 13 year old last year... and the kid is a BIG, cool, smart, but socially awkward kid getting into tough guy fights and coming out 'as the victim'..) Seems like 'tough guy' fights typically take TWO guys playing tough guy.. or else it's just a 'real fight' to me. Fighting people smaller or those weaker is typical 'tough guy' behavior, but that isn't because they are badasses, but have issues or poor self esteem, up bringing / child history, mental health, etc.. The typical 'tough guy' bar fight usually starts with two guys and neither wants to de-escalate or not 'prove' or whatever.. how tough he is. Seems those require an attitude of picking fights and escalating confrontations (to / and of) violence more than "being bigger or so much better victory is assured". And to have a true "tough guy fight" seems you'd need two 'tough guys' to bump into each other and neither know how to move their own ego aside.

    Later in the ramble I'll try to convince you "principle fights" are also tough guy fights in that way too, even two 'tough guys' required (or just a 'real fight'). In those the guy is acting tough for a principle / ego rather than insecurity & hurt / ego like the typical 'tough guy'.

    I thought it was really interesting to read your take on this as she and I have had small discussions on it periodically over the past week. In the end I break different 'kind of' fights down based on 'how/why' it started and the 'victim / aggressor' or mutual aggressors' ability to prevent or escape violence.

    How 'Tough Guy' fights are what these have been-- and how we have ways to avoid them.. Same thing with 'Principled Fights' in a way they are almost the exact inverse. Most 'my fights' were real fights honestly, I'm very slow to escalate violence. But honestly I've had a handful of confrontations that almost were and a couple 'Principled Fights'. In school it was a couple times I'd see a kid getting bullied, high school it was the one openly gay (really cool- although I didn't know him well) kid getting picked on by a big(ger than me) redneck guy [though I MUST admit, the one gay kid was on dance and cheerleading LIKE A BOSS in fucking 90's Alabama- and that dude was in a LOT better stature and strength to defend himself...but there I went white-knighting]. Another time it was when I was in a county jail for a few months and a really sheltered (and really privileged kid/guy whose grandpa was a retired big-time judge and he'd never been 'actually in' for his shit before).. he wasn't a bad guy, just didn't understand shit. But neither did or do I, because then too I took his place and interceded (somehow that scraped by as one of the 'almost' 'principled' fights).

    But my jumping in to 'help' the underdog in the 'Tough Guy' fights was always my 'lure' when I was a young man. In a VERY clear way I was 'feeding MY EGO' in almost the same WAY the 'Tough Guy's were starting shit to feed theirs.. It took me years to 'realize' this about myself, though I wish I could admit otherwise. I thought I never fought for my ego, I've walked away from some real shit, been jumped and injured and somehow ended up 'winning' without hurting the other guy both those luckily ended with me taking them to the ground and choking them out.. But that was STUPID of me looking back since BOTH initially began as ambushes from behind causing injury, the 2nd caused a pretty serious shoulder injury still fucked after surgery a decade+ on. That one began 'the jumping' by tackling me from behind face first into a wall... then the fucker took "jumping" literal and jumped on my back like a monkey with his legs around my chest- when I hadn't fell after being tackled face first into the corner of a wall... While on my back / almost on my damn shoulders he was 'punching my head' which is retarded btw.. I 'heard' more than felt it. I never even hit THAT fucker- and it wasn't his first attempt at 'jumping me' just his most successful until I realized he was on my back when things were breaking behind me each time I turned. I jumped backward onto the ground with his head to break our fall, that broke his grip long enough to reposition myself and choke him out.

    I wasn't big or great at fighting and I've never had to really hurt someone or great 'fight story'. I've had my ass beat regularly, just not in any of my 'fights'. Most my 'real fights' I was able to either take a stand-up fight quick and luckily enough to the ground AND lucky enough to not have to or end up hurting anyone more than I ever needed, even when the fuckers' DID me to start it- so long as they were out of the fight and didn't have friends or a weapon.

    The way the jail one worked out astounds me how stupid and ignorant I was as a "jailhouse Christian" at the time. I was in no way threatening or being aggressive just took a guy's place in a 'tough guy' fight on 'principle'. I stepped between them and asked the guy to forgive it, let me pay (more than) his debt for him. I knew that would break 'prison' politics [I've never been to real "prison" and it is very different from what I heard from 'vets', but I've had the pleasure of plentiful variety and length of different county jails]. Immediately other dude was off the hook and the 30-40 guys in the open dorm block had a human wall blocking the only way out and BIG DUDE now has me 'in place'-about to get my ass kicked with my back to the bathroom stalls in a dead end corner and no guards could see. Guy idk, least 6 inches and 80-120 pounds on me.. fucking shit. It's a long story, I'm really surprised that guy didn't kick my ass. I really knew in a brief moment (his shirt stuck trying to intimidate me removing it) I knew I could end the fight and if I didn't RIGHT THEN, I might fucking die or at least my ass beat like never before. And (I tried to think this was "to NOT do anything for my ego") FOR FUCKING EGO- knowing the whole cell block was watching and what that meant..I was really ready to take an ass-beating. I'd been in a couple standup 'real fights' I didn't have to really hurt the other guy and still able to protect myself-- this one WAS NOT going to be like that. And FOR MY EGO I literally told him how I did not want to fight him. I'm sure that he would fucking destroy me, but I won't fight back, I wouldn't want to hurt him if I could, that what I do want is to settle the debt (the original thing was over some card-game debt and the smaller guy not knowing to meter every word out of your mouth in jail). I know I thought I'd get my ass beat 'to not fight for my ego' in my way of fighting for it. After that incident, because of it I did have to have a 'Real fight' as a result.. If I really have to fight, okay, but that is different from someone talking shit in your face.

    How ignorant though, I felt like this:I NEVER fight for my ego! Only my principles! In reality, almost all my fights- as well as my EXTREME resistance to really 'hurt' my attackers or escalate force any more than needed... ALL OF THAT SHIT was me, in my own way "fighting FOR MY DAMN EGO" I just named it my principles.. I think that's how we get ourselves in denial about the difference. Obviously that doesn't mean there is no such thing. I would and will always go and really start or take over a "REAL fight" over 'my principles' even now- if I literally see someone smaller and weaker or helpless in immediate danger and I can help. But most MY 'principled fights' (or what I THOUGHT WERE) were really my version of being a tough guy. It is silly how easy we can trick ourselves.

    The point is this. I did the SAME FUCKING SHIT! Me 'not fighting, not hitting back when I didn't need to (but someone else was doing their best to), and 'NOT fighting for' my ego was really my WAY of fighting for it. Just as before I was the 'anti-tough guy' when I felt the moments arised.. "Principled Fights" really are SOMETIMES not very if at all DIFFERENT than "Tough Guys". Different way of filling our egos I think and we hold different definitions of "tough guys," but it always takes "Two Tough Guys" to start a fight like those (to me) whether ego or ego of principle. I think basically all of this ramble you already summed up simply:

    we just have different 'principles'

    "Tough GUY" to me was NOT letting others fuck with my emotions or lure me into any fight (or bullying at younger ages) that I could in any way avoid or escape..To me, real 'tough guys' not the fake ones, would NEVER fight for their 'ego' but WOULD do the stupid "principled" shit I did. I felt 'humble' while trying to martyr or be a white knight to whatever underdog is about to get rolled [that I deign need not haveth his ass opened and a dick shoveth inside]- How EGOTISTICAL is that shit?! Like I'm god, have that ability, judgment, or responsibility?! I get saving someone's life or really stopping a bad fight, or not hurting people more than needed- that's all great. But I've never surely done that, in reality I just jumped in to play my part in some victim triangle for my ego hook.

    A little older, I only start to see how stupid I still am (and DEFINITELY was).. But even now I think a lot of "principled fights" are more bullshit bravado/ego/denial/religion/deep bias/fear- ToughGuy bullshit to a higher extreme or at least more hidden way- otherwise the same as "tough guy" fights.

    Because frankly, the second I see someone doing "a principled" (like TRULY well principled) fight- basically to me is almost only going to be when interceding in or even starting a 'real fight' to save yourself or a victim of a serious crime / assault, etc, from a very real and already presently-made threat.

    So.. maybe there are just 'two' types of fights?

    Yup, I think I took this ramble full circle now!

    [–] Oneitis: Don't let it take you over. Own it: inside and out Shanguerrilla 6 points ago in TheRedPill

    Honestly dude... I'm 34 and a "functional adult," but to be frank, your OP was much better that what most of us can write at any age. You wrote it really well too, it was clear and concise to tell your story: challenge, responses, goals, lessons. And shit, I'm not a complete dumbass, but I would have never guessed your age (without you telling us- I would have assumed you are writing about this from your 20's after college or something) I'm positive I didn't even know what a scapula was at 17.

    You had a good story bud and you told it well. Realize that 'you have a good story' likely means you went through shit and struggled and pushed through.. 'you told it well' [aside from your writing]- means you really are doing great at being self-aware to "learn life's lessons" that life took years more to beat into me. Keep that determination and keep dragging value from every day. I wish I had the mindset and experience I do now at your age. You've really got a leg up on most guy's with the determination, perspective and insight of where you're at, at 'just 17'.

    Figured I'd throw this here at the bottom comment. I didn't want to go and make you smug by doing a new thread of my own to compliment you.

    Keep kicking ass kid-

    [–] [Serious] What was the worst change in a person you saw at your High School re-union? Shanguerrilla 2 points ago in AskReddit

    What was really disconcerting was how she brought up conversations/incidents from 5+ yrs ago with almost perfect recall - like they happened last night - with attention to details and surroundings i had long forgotten. But they were oh-so-slightly distorted in the fun house mirror of her mind to make her a blameless victim and me a monster. I was able to call out a few but she quickly pivoted to make another point. There was no end. No answer either. I'm not perfect and i admitted i could have handled things better. She started tearing up and that was my fault.

    That was almost a perfect explanation of every day or couple days for years until I divorced my ex.. Her's wasn't "mental illness" exactly...more likely a trait from a Cluster B personality disorder (she only saw the therapist infrequently, he thought it likely borderline personality disorder... but unsure, she's narcissistic and sociopathic as fuck)