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    [–] I [M25] ended my friendship with [F25] because I was being a "nice guy" and I am doubting myself right now. biceps_tendon 65 points ago in relationships

    Totally agree! The ghosting and blocking seems needlessly cruel to the friend, especially before the explanation on what was going on with him. That can be so hurtful for the person being ghosted since they already established a friendship. A little communication goes a long way in these scenarios.

    [–] What's going on with Ellen Page and Chris Pratt being anti-LGBTQ? biceps_tendon 293 points ago in OutOfTheLoop

    “Mainline” commonly refers to older and more established Protestant denominations like Presbyterian, Episcopal, and Lutheran. While different councils have come out with varying degrees of support for same sex relationships, most do support it.

    [–] My Girlfriend (30F) and I (29M) both have dogs, but she is asking me to get rid of mine because of behavioral issues. biceps_tendon 15 points ago in relationships

    Seriously. I have a dachshund, the struggle of the dog training you is real. She’s the sweetest, but I warn everyone visiting my house that she will train you if you aren’t vigilant.

    [–] My (34 m) wife (29 f) has decided to get an abortion after I reacted poorly to her pregnancy reveal biceps_tendon 65 points ago in relationships

    It’s really obvious you haven’t ever been in a program. Total addict logic. Dry drunk, but not sober. There is a difference. Please do not bring a baby into this world until you are sober for real.

    [–] My husband (29M) just told me he loves me but no longer wants to be married to me (29F) biceps_tendon 5 points ago in relationships

    What’s flagging as shady is the “how” here. The therapist should not be speaking for the client. A decent therapist will rarely, if ever, offer advice in such a direct way. While the therapists I have been to all specialized in different methods, their tactics were all very similar - offer advice on how to think about your situation, how to think about what you want, how to think about effective ways to be who you want to be, etc. It’s even been made into satire with the, “and how does that make you feel?” line.

    It is simply not the therapist’s place to interject in a marriage like she did, even if she knows for fact that OP will not get what she needs from her husband. If the husband has only been going for a week, the therapist has not build enough of a patient profile or even seen him long enough to get her colleagues’ opinions and input during a practice/patient review.

    I hear what you are saying that she may have some piece of information that excludes him from ever being a good husband. Unless that information meets very specific criteria, she can’t share it outside of the patient/client relationship - that’s both regulatory and ethical. It’s fine for her to facilitate a “safe” conversation, but she is not a neutral party because he is her patient, not OP.

    The way OP described the therapist’s interjections sounds to me like she is either very inexperienced, overly involved on an inappropriate level (eg personal), or has some fuzzy ethical boundaries.

    [–] Me [27F] with my BF [30M] 3 years, recently found out he may not like my breasts, feeling shit about it, any advice? biceps_tendon 19 points ago in relationships

    Not a man, but I feel the same way about my romantic partners. I’m not oblivious to conventional beauty, but what makes me go all liquid brain gaga over someone is who they are as a person the chemistry we share. Once that is established, suddenly their body is the sexiest thing in the world and the only thing I crave.

    [–] My serious BF (31M) brought up that he wants an open relationship and I'm (27F) not sure what to do biceps_tendon 14 points ago in relationships

    Couldn’t agree more. For me, the emotional cheating before establishing mutual boundaries for an ethical non-monogamous relationship is a bell that cannot be un-rung. It would be over because they have just shown a propensity to move the proverbial goal posts at will to their benefit alone and without concern for the impact of their partner. Completely erodes the most basic of relationship foundations - trust.

    [–] He (30M) doesnt contact me (28F) everyday anymore, is he pulling the slow fade? If not, how to tell him what I want without nagging? biceps_tendon 6 points ago in relationships

    Yeah, actually, work or life can be that busy and stressful. It’s fine if you want someone more responsive even when they have other things going on. Maybe he’s feeling smothered by all the expectation. That’s how I have felt in similar situations. Even though I tend to like that daily texting, I’ve had to enforce boundaries with dates and even friends because that’s not something I can always give.

    If he stands you up, give him a couple of days. After that I would say something like, “Hi <name>, I am assuming you are pulling back after not hearing from you on <date day> or since. There are a few things I left at your house that I would like to get back. Please drop them off at the receptionist’s desk at my office (or whatever) by Tuesday. Thank you.”

    When you get your stuff, block him and move on, and go blow off some steam with your friends. By looking for an explanation or going the passive aggressive route, you are prolonging the drama, hoping for that dopamine hit of contact. That’s not super healthy. Maybe spend some time thinking about the expectations you have early in dating and why. Not judging what those are, but thinking about it will help you articulate them for the next time.

    [–] He (30M) doesnt contact me (28F) everyday anymore, is he pulling the slow fade? If not, how to tell him what I want without nagging? biceps_tendon 3 points ago in relationships

    Petty isn’t the right word. It’s an immature way to communicate with an undertone of passive aggressive. You have no idea what is going on in these moments when he’s not texting you back. Unless he’s given you reason to think he’ll stand you up, give him the benefit of the doubt.

    If you see him tonight or not, think about what you want, what you are feeling, and whether that is worth communicating. It is totally understandable that the drop off in texts is disappointing for you, and you totally have the right to decide if you want to pursue a continued relationship with him. If you’re expecting him to soothe your anxiety or understand your feelings based on vague texts, though, you’re gonna have a hard time.

    [–] Falling for my (f) friend but I'm (m) gay? biceps_tendon -3 points ago in relationships

    Word. “Bi” is also very, well, binary and there is a lot of baggage attached to that specific label.

    [–] Grow &amp; gift, not tax &amp; sell - a letter to Governor Scott biceps_tendon 4 points ago in vermont

    Completely agree. I also moved out here from the west coast. The tax and sell model in the Pacific states + CO has worked very well. It’s also all but eliminated the “stoner” culture, which I always found annoying. The added cost per ounce gets you high quality, potent weed, along with knowledgeable staff in the shops. It’s crazy to me that after so many successful deployments out west and years to see how it’s played out, that eastern states are still so skeptical of the tax and sell model.

    [–] How often are you the little spoon? biceps_tendon 17 points ago in AskMen

    I sleep with a leg pillow for just that reason! So comfy.

    [–] Unhappy Birthday biceps_tendon 32 points ago in relationships

    Eeehhhh, yeah I’ve had whole periods where the majority of my friend group is like that and it sucks. S U C K S.

    Here’s what the older me would tell the younger me - don’t invest in flaky people. The trick is to not be bitter. It’s hard, but you strike me as someone who runs deep and you need to find a community that will vibe with you there. Nothing wrong with people that don’t, but accept the limitations of what they can offer.

    I’m happy you were born! The world needs more people that run deep. Take that pain you are feeling now and turn it into compassion. You will do amazing things.

    [–] My (30f) partner (28m) dismisses my feelings whenever I have my period biceps_tendon 21 points ago in relationships

    The “history of PMS” thing got an audible snort out of me. Let’s go all in on this and agree that OP has a history of being a woman. Who menstruates. I think we all know what that means /s.

    [–] I [26M] am struggling to emotionally support my partner [26F] while she struggles to find a better job biceps_tendon 9 points ago in relationships

    I recently went through a job search that lasted YEARS (5+) while employed in a decent enough job and I’m also a woman. Maybe my experience will shed some light.

    The core of it for me was feeling un-empowered. I am outwardly successful, reasonably attractive, had a great and highly influential mentor, and have a lot of good things going for me. I HATED my job, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not land a new offer.

    What changed? Two things. First, I met a friend who is really into the law of attraction movement. It’s not for everyone and I’m not suggesting it, however, for me it was beneficial in seeing in that my attitude affected my life in tangible ways and that I really do have power in my own life. Second, my job situation got so bad that I absolutely had to get out.

    So, I set a deadline, gave notice on my apartment, and went all in on finding something new. I had to get really used to rejection. I kept telling myself that the only failure is not trying, everything else is information gathering. I hired a pro to rewrite my resume and LinkedIn profile. I found a new gear and I was absolutely not taking no for an answer.

    If she is normally a little negative and you aren’t, you will both have a hard time empathizing with each other on this level. How you support her there will be personal for her. For me, it was that friend who didn’t offer bullshit platitudes, but instead believed in me and knew I would figure it out. It was the right level of soft/caring and hard/encouraging that I needed in that moment. She went through the struggle with me and it was really ugly at times. If you can meet her in that place and sit with her there, it can be life changing.

    p.s. Started my new job last week. It’s my dream job and I am still in shock at how awesome it is.

    [–] [Update] My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it biceps_tendon 1353 points ago in relationships

    It is a seriously creepy/stalker move. Combine that with him entering her her place after the break up and it’s clear he has zero respect for her. It’s gross.

    Joke’s on him though. It is SUPER pathetic to show up on her holiday like that. Really sad and desperate.

    [–] WHATS WRONG? Husband (34 M) failing to pay taxes, bills, failing to do simple tasks and lying?! (Me: 29/F) (Also posted in R/MentallIllness and R/RelationshipAdvice) biceps_tendon 24 points ago in relationships

    Not who you asked, but as a high functioning adult with ADHD (diagnosed as an adult), my inclination is to say it would humiliate him. From how you described him, he sounds intelligent and, assuming ADHD is the correct diagnosis, he has probably found many ways to adapt, but has reached his limit. He KNOWS he is fucking up, but he lacks the executive function to do anything about it. That is a confusing and frustrating place to be in, trust me. You might want to point him to one of the ADHD subreddits, instead.

    With all that said, you are entirely within your rights to nope out of this if that is what you need, or to set high expectations going forward. No more lying. He has to be completely transparent. He has to seek treatment from a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD. If you go that route, remember that you need to immediately tie actions to consequences, positive or negative, or the consequence will have no effect.

    [–] My stutter is almost gone! biceps_tendon 9 points ago in Stutter

    We survived without them, and died much younger. Over the last 200 years life expectancy has improved, i.e. people are living longer. About a hundred years ago pernicious anemia would be fatal. With b12 shots it's now just an inconvenience. Taking supplements is hardly something that started post 2000.

    [–] My stutter is almost gone! biceps_tendon 5 points ago in Stutter

    Congrats on your success, however, b12 is not a bacteria. It's commonly either methylcobalamin or cyanocobalamin. And while I agree it is generally better to get nutrients through diet, for some it is impossible. People with pernicious anemia literally lack the ability to absorb enough b12.

    That's not too take away from your story, but in your enthusiasm you paint with a broad brush. Supplements are no more aggorant and playing with nature than anything else in Western medicine, and quite a lot in Eastern medicine for that matter. For some it is the only way to get enough needed vitamins and minerals.

    [–] Should we send cupcakes to ESPN? (Need a Husky fan near Bristol, CT) biceps_tendon 2 points ago in huskies

    I live a few hours away, but will take one for the team and make the drive assuming I can keep a couple cupcakes for the ride home.

    [–] Me [28 M/F] have problems reaching orgasm during vaginal sex. Would you accept to have a boyfriend like me? biceps_tendon 44 points ago in relationships

    From this female's perspective, this would be an absolute non-issue. It would take a ton of pressure off ME with sex devolving into you just pounding away until you got off. My highlight of the sexual experience isn't having a dude ejaculate in me.

    Plus, it's a lot more fun when it's unconventional and more interactive. Embrace it. There's nothing wrong with you, you just orgasm through different stimulation.

    [–] My [38M] wife [38F] had an affair [25M] because she said I made her feel unattractive and unwanted. biceps_tendon 265 points ago in relationships

    I believe you when you say you aren't disappointed in your daughters now. The problem is that you were, even if it was temporary, and apparently you were emotive enough with that disappointment for your wife to notice. You did real damage. Your wife probably cannot "get over" that damage until you acknowledge the effect it had on her and validate her feelings.