Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    biceps_tendon

    + friends - friends
    1 link karma
    18,289 comment karma
    send message redditor for

    [–] My boyfriend (27M) and my (21F) sex drives are super mismatched and it’s making me feel used biceps_tendon 1 points ago in relationships

    Not to derail too much here, but I’m curious if you would explain your situation more. For me there is sex and there is physical intimacy, both of which are important in a relationship. In a Venn diagram, there would be some but not complete overlap between the two. There are times when I want sex to fill that physical intimacy need and there are times when I just want sex. Likewise, there are times when I am down for sex, but really what I need is physical intimacy.

    In my current situation our sex drives are pretty well matched, so I’m trying to understand the perspective when it’s not well matched. Was your relationship lacking other types of intimacy? Do you only feel physical intimacy through sex? What’s the tipping point for you when sex drives become mismatched?

    [–] I'm(26M) questioning my sexuality after meeting this guy(40M) at the gym. I think he likes me or am I looking too much into this? biceps_tendon 20 points ago in relationships

    Ah yes, the age old question of “are we just hanging out, or is this actually a date?”

    Agree that it sounds like there is mutual interest. The eye contact and leaning in during conversation could be learned charisma, but taken as a whole with everything else (the jacket, muscle squeezing), it definitely sounds like it’s more than gym buds.

    [–] My boyfriend[21M] disheartened me[20F] about my biggest future dreams biceps_tendon 1 points ago in relationships

    Agreed 100%. In fairness, I think this manifests in women, too. It’s a universal sign on insecurity when one uses “honesty” as a means to drag down those around them. My hope is that it hasn’t developed into full blown ingrained abuse by this dude.

    [–] With my [29M] friend [29M]. His girlfriend does not like my girlfriend and it’s straining our friendship biceps_tendon 29 points ago in relationships

    I like this answer, although I would try to do the confrontation in the moment (group setting where Marie is acting out). If other people in the group are made uncomfortable, it’s the perfect opportunity.

    Marie is ignoring the social cues that her behavior isn’t acceptable by the group, but unless someone challenges her on it, her attitude will end up as group tyrant. She may only be acting this way when Brittany is around and the group may start to associate the problem as being Brittany, not Marie’s bullying. Being direct, firm, and willing to sit in the awkwardness of confrontation is usually very effective against bullying.

    Also, props to OP for recognizing what is going on. Women tend to bully each other in these socially significant but otherwise hidden ways. It can be quite painful. Good for him for not being passive or dismissing Brittany’s feelings.

    [–] My boyfriend[21M] disheartened me[20F] about my biggest future dreams biceps_tendon 28 points ago in relationships

    Without knowing more information, due to the ages I would guess it is immaturity. It can certainly be a warning for future abuse or toxic behavior.

    [–] My boyfriend[21M] disheartened me[20F] about my biggest future dreams biceps_tendon 300 points ago in relationships

    This guy is just nonstop red flags. Did you see the edits? Textbook asshattery. Saying it was just a joke, then making it out like OP is just too sensitive and jealous of her sister, then the apology bomb followed by rationalization for his shitty behavior.

    OP deserves someone who will support and build her up in her pursuits, not someone who wants to drag her down. At the very least, someone with tact :/

    [–] Found out my GF (26/F) secretly thinks I'm (27/M) a dumbass. biceps_tendon 9 points ago in relationships

    I can excuse a certain amount of snooping in specific circumstances. For example, taking a dump at your gf’s/bf’s place and poking around in cabinets looking for a match or air freshener.

    Snooping for the sake of it is a hard no, though. Reading through private conversations is similar to intentionally reading someone’s journal. That bell can’t be unrung.

    [–] My (31F) Mother (50F) keeps telling me that she hopes my unborn daughter turns out to be a bad child. biceps_tendon 109 points ago in relationships

    Your mom needs to sincerely apologize for the shit childhood she gave you. She can’t own up to it, so she instead shifts the spotlight onto you as if you were all ODD on steroids in an otherwise loving and stable environment.

    Don’t you dare pick that baggage up for her. You are an amazing woman that has defied odds to become a successful human being. You know that, right? It is remarkable what you have done and you should feel so proud of yourself.

    All the best with your pregnancy and family. I hope life gives you all the joy and beauty that was unjustly robbed from you as a child.

    [–] I [25M] had my girlfriend [25F] lie to me at the start of our relationship and I'm am looking for advice biceps_tendon 12 points ago in relationships

    Absolutely. It’s such a weird spot to find yourself, because odds are the other person does care. In any case, it shouldn’t matter unless there is a health concern (STIs).

    When I casually date now I lay the ground work early that until we discuss being exclusive, we are not, and my assumption is that both parties are potentially dating/sleeping with others. I won’t ask about it, I don’t want to know, and I won’t answer specifics about what I’m doing. Once we are exclusive, we mutually agree to the boundaries and move forward from there.

    [–] I (28/M) am being ignored by an ex I loved (27/F) and it's breaking my heart. biceps_tendon 10 points ago in relationships

    Ugh, that hit close. I went through a similar situation and also came to the conclusion they were very selfish. They want the connection with you so bad they pull out all the stops to hook you, without any thoughts to what they are actually communicating to you about their feelings and investment.

    There’s a good TED talk on how to get over a broken heart that I found useful. The basics are that love is a drug and being nostalgic about your ex is triggering that reward zone in your brain. You have to detox and be really intentional in steering your thoughts away from nostalgia and towards all the reasons why your ex was a terrible match for you. It’s hard but helpful.

    [–] World’s A Scary Place? biceps_tendon 23 points ago in AskWomenOver30

    I’m not a generally fearful person, but I’ve also never been assaulted. I am confident, independent, introverted, and kinda like to blend into the background. All of those feed into each other to limit opportunities to be attacked.

    With that said, there have been a number of times something alerted me to gtfo of a place or situation. The most recent was stopping at a gas station near my house at 2 am. I’ve solo traveled extensively in the US, Canada, and Europe a feel pretty ok with being out late or when it’s dark. The attendant at the gas station though... this dude. Something wasn’t right and I sensed it immediately when I walked in, before either of us had even seen each other. I don’t know how else to say it but to say I KNOW this motherfucker wanted to hurt me. In the pit of my soul I knew his thoughts were dark and his intentions were bad. Noped right out of there.

    [–] Stories from women that have intentionally changed the course of their life after 30 biceps_tendon 10 points ago in AskWomenOver30

    At 34 I went back to school for my MBA because I hated my job and wanted to explore new options. After completing that I struggled to find those new options. Still hating my job, I moved across the US (swapped coasts) to work at a different location for the same job/company on the faith that being somewhere new would force me out of my comfort zone. I am single and barely knew anyone outside of colleagues in my new location.

    It was uncomfortable, but I was dedicated to my plan. During the next 18 months I completed a certification relevant to my career field and applied to dozens of jobs. Lots of interviews and close calls, but no offers. On a complete whim I googled remote positions for my field and the first opening I came on seemed perfect, but too good to be true. 3 months after sending in my resume pack I was sitting in new hire orientation for that position, one with company I respect and that offered me a job that I love. Work is fun for me now.

    I’ve gone through the uncomfortable process of making new friends through meetups, and even some dates that didn’t work romantically, but we had a friend connection. I joined a gym, go out exploring on my own, and generally just try to lean into the discomfort. I am in debt from my MBA, but my new job pays me so much more than my old job that I can start paying it off in chunks. My new apartment is something out of my dreams (think loft style with 8’ windows and exposed brick).

    All of the pain and discomfort was worth it. Awhile ago I saw a post on r/getmotivated that really captured my mantra during this time:

    Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

    Edit: couple of words

    [–] Relevant meme biceps_tendon 16 points ago in INTP

    Well, there’s at least 2 of us. I had to double check the subreddit -.-

    [–] TIFU by telling girl I had small penis before I got anything biceps_tendon 10 points ago in tifu

    Story time bruh. I told my girlfriend about a particularly painful experience in which my now ex-husband would not return to a particular position that felt AMAZING for me but only sort of meh for him because his his penis would retract a little in his body due to the angles. It was the only way I could orgasm from PIV. Fast forward a few hours and she’s getting me set up in that exact position, using her hand/fingers to recreate the experience. It was incredible despite the obvious size difference and lack of certain equipment.

    Your dick is the sex organ YOU get off with. It’s not necessarily the one she’ll get off with. Your whole goddamn body is her sex toy. Get creative. BUY some toys. Make it your life goal in that moment to make her feel amazing (orgasm or not, don’t put pressure on your partner to “finish”) and I guarantee you’ll start having the best sex of your life, assuming your partner isn’t a selfish ass or something.

    Seriously, I can’t stress this enough, get over it with your dick. I get it, and women definitely have our own body image hang ups. So what, you’re not confident in your size. Get confident in your tongue. Read “She Comes First”, it will change your life 😘.

    [–] TIFU by telling girl I had small penis before I got anything biceps_tendon 40 points ago in tifu

    I would say it’s entirely about performance and confidence. As a woman who regularly has sex with other women, I can say for myself that nothing even approaching the size of an average penis needs to be involved for a mind blowing orgasm. Hands, a mouth, and love going south.

    [–] Doctors of Reddit, what is a 1 in a million chance thing about your patient you have witnessed? biceps_tendon 1 points ago in AskReddit

    I have a yet to be identified skin issue that presents a lot like eczema, but my derm (well respected at a major research hospital) now thinks is an allergy to formaldehyde, which is apparently in fucking everything. Anyway, nothing as severe as your are enduring, but I feel you on waking up to horrible itching. Feels like I’m going crazy sometimes because it itches so bad. Glad you’ve found something that is working for you.

    [–] Royal Navy officer caught on tape: “no such thing as mental health” biceps_tendon 1 points ago in news

    Thanks for the info! Makes a lot of sense with the prolonged artillery bombardments.

    [–] NFL.com: Russell's future: First $40 million QB? Trade candidate? biceps_tendon 5 points ago in Seahawks

    My hope is that his “brand” is worth so much at that point that his NFL salary is not as important as winning another championship.

    [–] Royal Navy officer caught on tape: “no such thing as mental health” biceps_tendon 23 points ago in news

    Which is completely ridiculous considering the volume of veterans of WWI that suffered from shell shock, the war in which that term was actually coined.

    You can see videos of how shell shock manifested in WWI soldiers on YouTube. It’s very different than how we think of shell shock now. While there is likely a PTSD component, you’ll see there is also another underlying issue. I think it’s been related to CNS overload from the nonstop artillery barrages they had to endure for hours/days.

    [–] Me [30 M] with my SO [28 F] 1 year, wont respect my alone time when im stressed. biceps_tendon 3 points ago in relationships

    This is a well laid out response. I wondered while reading the OP how often he is cancelling/changing plans. That can be difficult on someone who is scheduled oriented. And make them feel low priority.

    OP had hoped his GF would respond in certain ways. It is clearly adding to his own disappointment, but I wonder if those hope have been expressed to GF. It leads me to believe there are deeper communication issues at play.

    [–] My wife set the house on fire. Nobody was hurt, but how do I contain my anger? (both 30s) biceps_tendon 242 points ago in relationships

    It’s important to acknowledge that your anger is justified. It’s ok you feel that way and it is an appropriate response. Anger in itself isn’t wrong to feel, where we get into trouble is how we act on it.

    So take a deep breath and take a few to let yourself feel that feeling. Don’t lash out at anyone else. Validate yourself and what you are feeling. It may be helpful to write out the fallout from the fire that is triggering anger: loss of possessions, fear of what may have happened if the kids were home, thoughtlessness of your wife, inconvenience of cleaning up, etc. Now write out 2-3 things you are thankful for and why.

    When the anger bubbles up in the coming days, weeks, continue that process. You’ve been through a lot, give yourself some grace.

    [–] My (F41) husband (M38) is demanding that my company hire him but I know now that he doesn't actually support me. biceps_tendon 60 points ago in relationships

    This is what I was sensing, too. The root of the resentment is not respecting OP as an equal. He feels entitled to more success because of his gender. It’s gross.