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    [–] Parents of reddit, what is most fucked up secret you are hiding from your children? dogen83 1 points ago in AskReddit

    Our understanding of an act is part of what makes something traumatic. When an experience doesn't hurt or scare us then it's the knowledge that the behavior is wrong - that someone is being evil, betraying us, etc - that causes distress. If you don't yet have those concepts in your mind then the act doesn't trigger the same emotional response and there is no underlying trauma.

    Again, though, this applies only to very young children and in very select circumstances where there is zero physical harm or fright. In any other circumstance - such as physical trauma to a child before the age of 4 or 5 (who might not recall the abuse due to infantile amnesia) - there would be changes that would persist even if the event isn't remembered.

    [–] Parents of reddit, what is most fucked up secret you are hiding from your children? dogen83 2 points ago in AskReddit

    I didn't say they were taught distress, I said they're taught that they were abused. The latter is a label applied to an experience that carries baggage, the former is one potential response.

    [–] Parents of reddit, what is most fucked up secret you are hiding from your children? dogen83 6 points ago in AskReddit

    That depends on what exactly happened and the age of the child. When children are very young and not physically harmed they may report the event as gross or that they didn't like it but not be particularly distressed because the acts are essentially meaningless to them. In those cases it's more important for the parents to get therapy to prevent the pain and fear the parents feel from being transmitted to their children. I mention this not to be contrary or to minimize child abuse, but because it's important that kids receive age appropriate care and in rare cases where kids aren't distressed by their abuse due to age it can be detrimental to have them go through therapy where they're essentially taught that they were abused.

    [–] Why does it have to be that way? dogen83 3 points ago in Wellthatsucks

    As I mentioned in another response, a co-worker of mine went to India for dental care, her oral surgeon was trained in the US at the hospital where we both worked at the time, and he told her he was using the exact same products he was trained to use in the US but they cost a fraction of the price when purchased in India. There are hospitals specifically setup for medical tourism like this, catering to Americans with money and using physicians often trained in the West, all over Asia. They're cheap by our standards but unaffordable by local standards so they're only accessible to foreigners and rich locals.

    [–] Why does it have to be that way? dogen83 17 points ago in Wellthatsucks

    A co-worker of mine flew to India for dental care. Spent 3 weeks traveling, saw the Dalai Lama speak, and had her dental work done by an oral surgeon who she found out at her first appointment was trained at the university where she and I both worked. Total fluke. He made less total money in India, but by working at a hospital that catered to foreigners he was rich by Indian standards and did zero insurance paperwork. He told her they use the exact same products he was trained to use in Seattle, just packaged for the Indian market at a fraction of the price.

    [–] TIL 50 Cent once bought 200 front row seats to a Ja Rule concert just to leave them empty dogen83 1 points ago in todayilearned

    No, which is why my post started by addressing that learning to read as a child isn't easy. I don't know anything about him, to be honest, but I can imagine a childhood that would incentivize other skills (like fighting) and discount the value of the years of effort it takes to become a proficient reader.

    [–] TIL 50 Cent once bought 200 front row seats to a Ja Rule concert just to leave them empty dogen83 18 points ago in todayilearned

    Learning to read isn't easy, it takes kids years to do it and years more to get proficient (source: have a kid learning to read). Learning to read as an adult is even harder because you're then outside the critical period of language acquisition in brain development.

    [–] How were waterbeds such the shit and now shit? dogen83 1 points ago in AskReddit

    They were never that great, and when they were popular they were awful. They were originally just a single square-shaped balloon that had a huge bulge in the middle so you were constantly rolling/being pushed into the crevice between the mattress and frame. If you moved it rippled through whoever might be in bed with you, if they leaked everything in your room was ruined, if two people were on one together and one got up the other one would bounce up and down and when they laid down again the other one would get bounced up again.

    I hear they've made them better using lots of small chambers of water rather than one big balloon, but I imagine jiggling your bedmate is still an issue.

    [–] To undermine Katherine Bouman's role in the black hole photo, trolls held up a white man as the real hero -- until he fought back dogen83 1 points ago in news

    Article title is still a little misleading, but it's hard to find a source that's not slanted or behind a pay wall. The Washington Post article is a little better.

    Essentially, trolls claimed a white, male graduate student did most of the hard work in writing the algorithm used to image the black hole. It turns out, in a way that should really not surprise anyone, that it was actually multiple teams of people that all did a ton of hard work. They used three different programs written by three different people to create the image in order to reduce bias. Chael authored much of one of those three and told people using his image for a "sexist vendetta" to "reconsider your priorities in life." Bouman was involved in "stitching them together" and apparently several other crucial aspects, and has herself tried to point the spotlight to everyone involved.

    [–] Should I lie about my pay rate when I go into my interview so I can get a better pay? dogen83 88 points ago in personalfinance

    Research suggests that the person who throws out the first number usually does better. The employer could say "the range for this position starts at $13," but the range could be $13-15 or $13-25.

    Most people are hesitant to put out a number that's too high, but as long as you're not ridiculous and your potential employer expects to negotiate they'll counter with something if they want you. So if you ask for $15 and their scale is $12-14.50 they'll come back with a number and you can ask them (politely, curiously) what factors led them to that number. This can open up another opportunity to explain why you're worth more, such as them saying you only have X years of experience, which you can potentially counter with "that's true, however" ... "I have this advanced certification" or "I worked in the largest/busiest clinic in town so that experience means more because..."

    [–] Hanging out with my male roommate made me dump my boyfriend dogen83 1 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    I'll say something different... tell your therapist as much as you can, but tell them there are also things you're not ready to talk about yet. It's the job of your therapist to make sure you feel safe and not judged. Let the therapist do that while you explore the things you CAN talk about, then come back to the things you can't talk about right now.

    [–] LPT: Do not lie or omit information in therapy. Therapists are there to help you make sense of your story and explore shameful experiences with their clients. Lying or excluding information can greatly compromise the outcome/benefits of the therapy. dogen83 1 points ago in LifeProTips

    In my state all of my original post applies to a 72-hour hold. Once a person is brought to the ER they're placed on an emergency hold that lasts 24 hours at most. Initiating a 72-hour hold requires two mental health providers (MD, DO, or NP), which gets them admitted to the hospital and triggers a review by the county in which the hold is initiated. Within 24 hours of a 72-hour hold being placed a county mental health professional also comes to evaluate the patient and makes a recommendation whether to release the patient or request a hearing. Hearings can either be to request extended court ordered treatment (typically 6 months) in the community or civil commitment (at the state hospital). I used to do this for a living.

    [–] LPT: Do not lie or omit information in therapy. Therapists are there to help you make sense of your story and explore shameful experiences with their clients. Lying or excluding information can greatly compromise the outcome/benefits of the therapy. dogen83 5 points ago in LifeProTips

    It would be awfully difficult these days to have someone committed involuntarily with no active suicidal or homicidal intent in the US. For one thing, therapists can't admit people to hospitals. Under certain circumstances they (or their superiors) could direct the police to take you to the hospital where another professional would evaluate you. So at least two people would have to agree that a person met the legal standard for involuntary commitment. In many states it would require a third, as involuntary commitments often require two physicians at the hospital to agree. So the chances of someone not actively suicidal or homicidal, who was saying they didn't have suicidal or homicidal thoughts, getting committed are pretty remote.

    [–] weird german commercial dogen83 13 points ago in WTF

    Spring smells like being sweaty from doing yardwork... yardwork means tools.

    [–] Name a more iconic duo dogen83 3 points ago in funny

    Insurance companies are crazy. I'm empanelled by one that sends all my patients bills claiming I'm out of network. If you look on the website I come up as covered in network. If you call them and ask they say I'm in network. But when our billing department called them and mentioned that several patients have been charged out of network costs to see me they can't tell me why.

    We started identifying patients beforehand and sending them a letter telling them we'd only charge them the in network copay regardless of what the insurance pays us, meaning we're giving the insurance company a huge discount to do right by patients.

    [–] Keep the Spice Girls away from Richard dogen83 6 points ago in funny

    If you watch British panel shows (Big Fat Quiz, Have I Got News for You, 8 Out of 10 Cats) he's brilliant. That's actually the only other thing I've seen him in besides the IT Crowd.

    [–] Doctors of Reddit, what is a 1 in a million chance thing about your patient you have witnessed? dogen83 22 points ago in AskReddit

    There are different levels of consultation that carry different levels of responsibility. The most common type of consult I get is totally hands off and thus carries little risk. It's the "I have a 27yo male patient on Abilify 20mg complaining of restlessness, no history of anxiety. What are your thoughts?" I don't see the patient, don't see the chart, and basically give an educated guess based on experience. If you see or touch the patient or their chart then you start picking up more responsibility.

    [–] found this on another sub. Thought it would belong here dogen83 3 points ago in HumansBeingBros

    Right? High fat things are harder for me than sugary stuff. It's like... extended release carbs.