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    elistarling

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    [–] That would make for a much better Bond movie elistarling 17 points ago in actuallesbians

    Of course you can’t expect tragedy to never happen to LGBT characters - the issue is that media tends to always kill their lesbians.

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 1 points ago in actuallesbians

    Apparently, yes. Seems so contradictory to me, and I don’t understand it, but when people suffering with dysphoria tell me what to call them, I’m going to respect that regardless of my own personal confusion. Trans people deal with a lot of shit and I’m not about to add onto that.

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 3 points ago in actuallesbians

    I completely understand that, and I’m so sorry you have to deal with such ignorance and hate on the regular. I am absolutely not a transphobe, trans women are women, no matter what stage in transition.

    When I talk to people about this, I try my best to use language that signals trans inclusivity, or to straight up clarify that my stance in no way excludes trans women. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to clarify that in my discourse, I would absolutely hate for anyone to feel as though I’ve invalidated their gender.

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 3 points ago in actuallesbians

    My bad, I misinterpreted your comment. Thought you said that “lesbian” includes bi, pan, and Queer, not that those words also describe WLW. Best to you!

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 7 points ago in actuallesbians

    No, the term lesbian is reserved for homosexual women who are not attracted to men. Anyone saying otherwise is taking away the language that lesbians use to define our specific experience that deserves its own word. Saying that lesbians can like men is as much of an erasure as saying that bi women only like men, vice versa.

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 4 points ago in actuallesbians

    Exactly! I am all for the expansion of the way we think about gender and sexuality, but not at the cost of erasing those of us whose sexualities and identities are not as fluid or flexible as others. I reject notions such as “gender means nothing” or “everyone is a little gay”, because as many people there are who are in the gray space, there are still people who are more black-and-white, and none of these identities have to invalidate the others.

    Unfortunately, I’ve been called a terf/traditionalist for simply suggesting that lesbians don’t date/fuck men and anyone who does isn’t a lesbian. It’s hurtful, and really misogynist to imply that women shouldn’t have language to signal our complete separation from any form of heterosexuality. When the world revolves around men and their sexuality, of course lesbians would be largely disregarded throughout history, and then denied our existence once we try to assert and define ourselves. But no matter what, we know our truth!

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 14 points ago in actuallesbians

    Absolutely. I feel like a bit of a dick sometimes when I correct people who use the word incorrectly, but I think it’s important that we retain the language to describe our specific experience as not only women who are attracted to women - but also not attracted to men. That nuance matters more than many people in the community seem to think, and it upsets me when people try to erase it by taking away our language.

    [–] lesbian jesus🙏 elistarling 18 points ago in actuallesbians

    Girls who like girls while also lacking sexual and romantic attraction to men are lesbians. An important distinction

    [–] Bones found in Vatican could be those of teenager missing since 1983 elistarling 5 points ago in worldnews

    “The new search was undertaken in the cemetery after Orlandi’s family received an anonymous tip with a photo of an angel sculpture, and an instruction to “look where the angel is pointing”. The message led the family to two tombs inside the Teutonic Cemetery.”

    Wtf

    [–] Most female "influencers" are softcore porn models and nothing more. elistarling 1 points ago in unpopularopinion

    There are plenty of pretty boys doing the same thing out there. Conceited people are going to capitalize off their looks when social media brand deals make it so easy to do so, regardless of gender.

    [–] Megathread: Labor Secretary Alex Acosta announces that he is resigning elistarling 1 points ago in politics

    Every time I come on Reddit, I come across a much needed written explanation for something I’ve been feeling, but hadn’t yet put into words. Thank you for this

    [–] Met my future wife 5 years early elistarling 6 points ago in Glitch_in_the_Matrix

    Many women are gay, lesbian, bi. The word "gay" isn't used to describe only male/male same sex relationships.

    [–] Feeling confused about my sexuality for the first time, and it's making my stomach sick elistarling 1 points ago in CasualConversation

    Sexuality isn’t so black and white as you say it is. Plenty of people, the majority I’d say, discover their sexualities as adults. And many of them are bi instead of just gay or lesbian, men and women.

    [–] Feeling confused about my sexuality for the first time, and it's making my stomach sick elistarling 1 points ago in CasualConversation

    I know this is really scary, and you should allow yourself the time to just be shaken up about it. But know that this is normal, and you are loved and will continue to be loved. And in a few years you might have a new perspective on life, and you might build new relationships with friends and partners that you will treasure. This awful feeling won’t last forever, I promise.

    [–] My kind of dog elistarling 1 points ago in Eyebleach

    Rapinoe dog

    [–] Let’s give it up for the cutest elder elistarling 2 points ago in wholesomememes

    I’m literally a lesbian and you’re literally disgusting

    [–] CMV: The United States will never have mandated paid time off like other Western Nations in our lifetime elistarling 1 points ago in changemyview

    Do you have any idea how many people in this country are women, LGBT, and immigrants? Humans can care about more than one thing at a time. If our immigrant population were to disappear overnight, we would run out of food in a matter of days. Abortion and LGBT protections mean life or death for many, many people in this country. Try looking outside of yourself sometime, eh? Other people matter too.

    [–] CMV: The United States will never have mandated paid time off like other Western Nations in our lifetime elistarling 2 points ago in changemyview

    Idk man, gay rights, abortion, and immigration are pretty fucking critical to a lot of people in the U.S. You have a point, but no need to trivialize very personal issues just because they don't affect you in the process.

    [–] From an anti-Hillary liberal who supported Trump in 2016: “He must lose in 2020” elistarling 2 points ago in Trumpgret

    Trump will never be committed to addressing global warming. I don’t think that most of the dem candidates will address climate change to the degree that is necessary, but every single one of the frontrunners have included it in their platform through policy, par Buttigieg, who has at this point only highlighted the importance for action, vaguely.

    An abstained vote is a vote for Donald Trump. Why would you do that when any one of these candidates have a greater chance of doing at least something about the issue?

    [–] CMV: straight men being jokingly gay with each other is harmless/not homophobic elistarling 45 points ago in changemyview

    I think the danger within the scenario you put forth is clear when you think of how impressionable humans are towards one another. We’re very social creatures, who play off group dynamics, and many of the social ‘rules’ we follow in this day and age are vastly different from the social rules of the past. We learn what is right and wrong by following the social code of the group or time we live within. Homosexuality has gone through many phases of being accepted and then not accepted throughout history. The Romans were gay as hell (and also pedophiles) and nobody had an issue with it. Today, we’re in an age where the religious right is damning homosexuality as an abomination, while progressives and increasingly the mainstream tide are embracing LGBTQ people as a diverse, far reaching group that has been dealing with the repercussions of something we have no control over for far too long. Depending on where and how you were raised - what messages you got from the people who played a large part in shaping the foundation of your worldview - these things play a role in where you fall along this spectrum.

    My point is, within your group of friends, you as an individual play a role in setting the tone for what is acceptable or not. And though you might be within a close knit crew that doesn’t involve many others, each of the individuals in your group interacts with people outside of the group every day, in work, family, and just by existing in the world. You seem like a rational person, and you probably understand most of your friends to be the same. But the more you reinforce this idea that gay jokes, and racist jokes, and let’s just throw in sexist jokes for good measure - when you normalize these things, that’s sending messages to those around you, and in the smallest way, reinforcing these biases that we were all raised on, even if you were simply kidding. You can set an example by simply abstaining from punching down.

    Despite so much progress, these groups I mention face real violence and discrimination every day, directly because of people’s fucked up opinions that they feel are normalized and validated every time a normal dude like yourself pokes fun at gays. Of course you’d never condone a hate crime, but when a violent person constantly sees tiny examples of acceptable bigotry in the mainstream, they might feel that these examples validate their actions. I think one of the best ways that straight people can be good allies is by refusing to take part in any form of ‘othering’ - because even if it is in good faith, the result is separation of that group from the ‘norm’, which historically, has never ended well.

    Your ability to put your finger on your discomfort and confusion with this scenario truly gives me hope that these are rational, critical thinkers out these who are able to self examine and aim for better. Thank you for your willingness to learn, it’s the most powerful force we have!