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    [–] My dad's first tweet. emilyjobot 2 points ago in oldpeoplefacebook

    this is also your dad's first tweet

    [–] 250 calorie open faced caprese breakfast sandwich. emilyjobot 4 points ago in 1200isplenty

    It's 1oz of mozzarella and it's half a gluten free bagel thin. if you swipe to the second picture you can see the MFP cal count!

    [–] What are some movies that are way better than they had any right to be? emilyjobot 3 points ago in AskReddit

    I loved Zoolander and I finales watched the sequel a couple months ago and I was so mad. it's the worst movie I've ever seen.

    [–] Our new kitten made quick friends with Old Deuteronomy emilyjobot 3 points ago in cats

    I wanted to name our kitten Bustopher Jones when I was little but my older brother was like "ew! we're not having a cat named BJ." I didn't really get it then but I sure do now.

    [–] Extremely inappropriate joke. [NSFW] emilyjobot 1 points ago in childfree

    I was just trying to play it safe since it's a pretty fucked up topic.

    [–] [update] My mom (63F) keeps putting off having brain surgery and I (27F) worry about her constantly. emilyjobot 20 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago) in relationships

    originally she though she was going to have to have a much more invasive procedure. she recently found out she was a candidate for a less invasive surgery with a much quicker recovery window. If everything goes according to plan she will be home the next day. none of my siblings will be there- none of us live nearby. I have discussed with me dad and he says I should definitely come. they've been married 40 years- he probably knows her pretty well right?

    edit: invasive instead of evasive. 🤦🏻‍♀️ 27 and still EVADING my problems with alcohol

    [–] Extremely inappropriate joke. [NSFW] emilyjobot 106 points ago in childfree

    I don't think it's odd. most people don't want children at 18- I certainly didn't. as an older brother he didn't want that life for me either.

    [–] It's Pepito's one year adoptioniversary! emilyjobot 9 points ago in cats

    he was actually born from a tiny pumpkin seed

    [–] It's Pepito's one year adoptioniversary! emilyjobot 3 points ago in cats

    OMG. what a dapper boy. 10/10 would smooch

    [–] Extremely inappropriate joke. [NSFW] emilyjobot 244 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago) in childfree

    my oldest brother is 11 years old than me and when I went to college he called me and said "hey I love you and I think you have a really bright future so if you ever need a hasty abortion, I'm the man to call" it's been a decade and I still think about that. I could afford it myself now but I bet he would still pay if I wanted one.

    so basically what I'm trying to say is please rename it to the Jacob B hasty abortion fund in his honor.

    [–] I [F21] want to wait 6 months before I have sex with someone I date, my friend [M25] calls me crazy and says I will never find a boyfriend. Do I need to change my stance? emilyjobot 1 points ago in relationships

    I don't know what's wrong with me

    literally nothing. you should have sex when you're comfortable and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. it's your body and a guy who loves and respects you will be willing to wait until you're ready.

    [–] Two kittens. One of them a jerk emilyjobot 1 points ago in AnimalsBeingJerks

    my brother moved to Hawaii and has never let that get in the way of pre game beers.

    [–] Got this little guy yesterday emilyjobot 1 points ago in aww

    I get what you're saying but it's ridiculous for someone to judge or call me a bad pet owner for this without knowing the full story behind it.

    we moved literally 2 miles away. she managed to break the zipper on the carrier like 6 blocks away from the new house.

    I would have had to go as many blocks out of my way to find somewhere to pull over and do something about it and the carrier was broken so there was nothing to put her back into.

    I pulled up to a red light and took the opportunity to snap a picture. would you have done anything differently?

    [–] Got this little guy yesterday emilyjobot 3 points ago in aww

    "what's going on guys?" -cat probably

    [–] Got this little guy yesterday emilyjobot 1 points ago in aww

    I honestly thought he was giving ME a hard time. It wasn't a direct quote and I got so much shit from so many people on that post that it didn't surprise me for a second that more people wanted to go in on me.