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    [–] My mom is trying to invite all her friends to my wedding and it's inflating my guest list jouleheretolearn 5 points ago in JUSTNOFAMILY

    Also make sure that she doesn't handle invites, my FIL used giving an address list we requested as a way to sneak some people in. This is about the same time he decided I wasnt as much fun, probably because he hadn't really run into my spine before that,lol.

    [–] I just quit my job on the spot and walked out jouleheretolearn 98 points ago in JustNoTalk

    THIS, OP, please do this. If email works better for you and you can, do that.

    [–] MIL gets what she always wanted... but not the way she wanted it jouleheretolearn 1 points ago in JUSTNOMIL

    Ask the brother dating her, say she was awesome, and you'd love to get to know her without MIL there. What stuff would the two of them be up for?

    [–] My MIL treats my husband like he’s HER husband. jouleheretolearn 5 points ago in JUSTNOMIL

    I would start with sitting him down without her there, and talking.

    If she has keys, change the locks now, and keep a set to give him after he talks with you, or do an electronic lock.

    Things to point out:

    1. Ask him who is he married to?

    2. Only appropriate response is you, follow it with, then why is your mom on our dates, making decisions about my home, and allowed to treat me like crap? (For reference, my moms is 53, had a stroke, legit can't live alone safely, and still never assumed she could move in or would be taken care of, just assumed we would help best we could because that is what we said, also, she babysits so we can have date night since my toddler likes helping grandma, and behaves well for her)

    3. Here's the deal, I changed the locks. She isn't allowed over here to visit ever again until you and I go to counseling and set up boundaries that you support me on with her. If you don't back me up like a spouse should, then you aren't getting these new keys because I can't trust you to not move your mother into our home.

    My name is on the mortgage, not hers. If she moves in her, I will call the cops and have her forcibly removed since neither of you seem to listen to me.

    1. You (DamnHusband) get keys when we set up the counseling appointment, if I find out she gets a copy, or comes over at all, then you can leave too. We are married, and yet you act married to her more than your own wife. Depending on faith or traditions, I'd bring up the equivalent of "leave and cleave" to him that has the most impact.

    He is not listening so he needs to realize that his actions are destroying his marriage, because he is so used to rolling over and giving his mom everything he assumes you should too. And maybe you have before. This stops now.


    Send her a written message in some form stating she is no longer welcome in your home since she cannot respect it.

    If possible have him send this after the above, but either way this gets sent. Then, when she next shows up, call the cops. Tell her to leave, then pick up your phone, and call the cops. Don't dilly dally between telling her to leave, just do it. Have them remove her, and show the messages. Tell them, she is attempting to move in when you the owner have told her no, so she is trespassing. This is going to be key to keeping her from moving in and essentially being an even worse PITA.

    This is going to be rough for a bit. I hope he gets his head out of his butt. He may or may not, idk him. Good luck, and whether he gets therapy. Get some, you deserve an objective, trained professional who will listen unlike how your husband has been behaving.

    [–] Anyone else feel kids are a lot more accepting now than when we were in school? jouleheretolearn 5 points ago in Teachers

    Honestly, I'd have a hard time not replying with " oh crap, I better let my husband know that we are apparently living in my mom's basement instead of our home with our kid and dog! "

    [–] *UPDATE* My SO has me raging jouleheretolearn 10 points ago in JustNoTalk

    Yep, kids are good for that. Our son(1.5 yr old) knocked my husband's phone out of his hand, mind a few weeks after both our marriage counselor and I stated that it was interfering in his relationships especially with us. The counselor asked me to stop bringing it up because it's DH's responsibility what kind of relationship he chooses to have. So I backed off. Two weeks later toddler gets pissed and hits it out of DH's hands because dada had been gone for work 13 hours and wasn't paying him any attention. Don't want him being violent, but can't blame him for the emotion. I just pursed my lips and looked at DH afterwards, and he put it away. He still working on his phone addiction, but he is at least improving around our kid.

    I'm really glad that things are improving. It's a long road, but it helps to see real progress. :)

    [–] Daycare naps when right now we nurse to sleep for naps jouleheretolearn 2 points ago in AttachmentParenting

    My godmother has worked in a childcare nursery for years, and a good place has people who are adept at this because they do it dozens of times a day with kids who all have different preferences/needs in order to fall asleep.

    [–] It’s finally over and I really should have listened and left when you all told me to jouleheretolearn 37 points ago in JUSTNOMIL

    Let's not insult toddlers here please. My toddler when told he is hurting me or our dog stops, except when pulling my bangs when he is tired. Idk why that one he won't, lol. Agreed on the super sad and pathetic though.

    [–] I'm not doing it jouleheretolearn 8 points ago in Teachers

    True, but it makes me wonder how many teacher contracts are breaking federal employee laws concerning salaried versus hourly.

    [–] I told my boyfriend I didn't want to have sex last night jouleheretolearn 2 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    That's a good sign for either counseling or ending it. That is not an emotionally mature or respectful response to a partner. Sex with you isn't a reward he has earned and should get pissed if he doesn't receive it's part of intimacy, and can ebb and flow based on both partners' needs, desires, etc.

    [–] Update my daughter attacked our baby with nail jouleheretolearn 2 points ago in toddlers

    If she notices it in your tone, sit her down, and tell her how you feel. Don't complicate it.

    Anger covers other emotions. It sounds like you are sad, hurt, and scared. So tell her - "I am sad because you hurt your brother. I am hurt that you would hurt him like that. I am scared that you will do it again. Can you help me help you not do that again?" She is still in that helpful toddler age probably so asking for her help may work. Maybe if she is feeling overwhelmed, come up with a word or signal she can give you guys. I've seen people do this with kids, and my son signs "all done" when he just can't sit still any longer. Fewer meltdowns, everyone happier.

    Kids need emotions explained. When she seems overwhelmed for instance, she wants something she can't have. Say I hear you feel upset. I'm here. I get being sad you can't have something you want right when you want it. Then, get her physically moving, you guys know her best. For my 1.5 year old this is a roar and a tickle that makes him run and laugh. Kids physically like adults work tension out through motion so give her safe motions. I got this from Whole Brain Child, and it has helped a lot.

    See if the therapist can give you some basic things to do before your appointment. State you feel that a month is too far away, and you need for both you and your family need to start doing something now rather than later so what do they recommend. If they're doing an assessment earlier than 3 weeks they should be able to do this for you.

    I hope some of what I shared helps. I hope that therapy helps, and really really this isn't horrible behavior but a flare to you guys that she needs help with her emotions or something. You'll ge through this.

    [–] MIL moves in and tries to change everything, and also never shuts up! jouleheretolearn 3 points ago in JUSTNOMIL

    Ok, time to sit down with your SO. The two of you need to be on the same page.

    1. State simply how you miss certain things that you haven't been able to do with your SO since MIL arrived.

    2. Point out if she is spending money on junk then she isnt saving to get her own place.

    3. It's hurting all of your relationships, so upon moving, be firm about getting a smaller place.

    Tips for plan:

    1. Inform MIL, upon end of lease she will not be moving with you guys. No explanation, no JADE. If she asks why you can say, that's your deadline for how long we can support you.

    2. When she brings stuff into your home, it goes into her space, or she has 48 hours (and post a fridge note on what should be gone by when, take a pic in case she messes with it) to get it out.

    3. Sit her down, and ask her her plan on where she is going to live. If she brings up the bigger place crap, both of you need to firmly state, " that's not an option, moving on, where are you going to move and what is your plan for doing so before, and give her like 2 weeks before your end lease date. Don't tell her it's 2 weeks prior, just do it. It gives you wiggle room to clear stuff out that you need to, and also gives you time to deal with her potential misbehavior then.

    4. Both of you need to agree, write down, and be firm and consistent with how to approach this. Consider it practice for parenting if you aren't or pet ownership if you don't want kids and want future pets. Firm doesn't mean mean.

    Example: my toddler wants another applesauce packet, but hasn't finished the one he has. I state, No, calmly. He throws a fit, he is tired, misses his dad who is out of town, and nearing naptime so it's not just applesauce. I pick him up, hug him, say I'm sorry that's how you feel. It doesn't change my answer. Still no. You can finish this one or go play with the dog. Your choice. He gets down, sniffles a little, and starts playing.

    I wish JN types were this easy, but the point stands. I was firm and consistent, and no one would think I was cruel. So if/when SO or her family thinks of that think of this. Boundaries we set for kids are to keeps them safe and help them instead of enable them. We do the same in adult relationships. It doesn't matter if we have to do this with people older than us or who should know better, that's not on us. It's on them, it's on your MIL to take care of herself.

    And if someone says, but she is old yadda yadda yadda. Old doesn't mean broken. My mom had a stroke, and while there are certain things we help her with, she is by far independent. She can't drive comfortably yet due to physical issues. So if my mom who had a massive stroke and open brain surgery can heal and take care of herself, so can your MIL.

    [–] Crazy fucking karen kicked me in the nuts as a way of having me pay attention to her.[Insert facepalm and enraged emojis here] jouleheretolearn 4 points ago in IDontWorkHereLady

    Make sure to include the cost of the vacation along with the hospitalization and loss of work if you sue.

    This is insane! No one in their right mind kicks someone even if they were an asshole who worked there and wasn't helping, holy crap!

    [–] UPDATE!!! on MIL tries to get new baby visting rules to not apply to her AND thinks she has place in our marriage jouleheretolearn 89 points ago in JUSTNOMIL

    My baby ended up being born end of January when he was due in March, and yes hold tight to it. Seriously, and if people go it's just a little cold and I'm recovering say no. Just say no. I had a couple people not tell me, and it turned into a series of miserable weeks for my family as we passed around the cold, especially hard watching my little one being sick.

    [–] JUSTNO Family Bingo: When every IL acts like a total douchebag at our son's birth. jouleheretolearn 3 points ago in JUSTNOFAMILY

    Congratulations, and don't let them in, don't reach out, and don't post on social media any pictures, instead use an app like Tinybeans to share with people you trust and love. That way you control who does what with your baby's pictures.

    To your DH: I'm sorry that they are behaving this way. It's hard to almost grieve what you hoped would be a nice experience with your family as you and your wife build your family. Congratulations, and know that your little family is filled with love, and is getting love from all over the world from internet strangers. I know it isn't the same. I know how hard it is to hope your parents, your family can be there, and when they choose to act rudely and not respect your family.

    [–] If my squad don’t walk into my wedding like this, they’ll have plenty of chances to restart jouleheretolearn 13 points ago in BlackPeopleTwitter

    Thank you for sharing this! Finally can get my toddler to watch something other than baby shark, old town road, and sesame street while making dinner, yes!

    [–] How to talk to SO about JNMIL jouleheretolearn 5 points ago in JustNoTalk

    Have your husband read about rocking the boat phenomenon, it's a life changer.

    [–] [Florida] [Elementary] - Dear fellow teachers, please stop being passive aggressive and superior to those of us who only want to work our contract hours. jouleheretolearn 13 points ago in Teachers

    You could also go to a tertiary location like a coffee shop or the library which helps you reset, but also keeps you away from gaming instead of working. That's what I do for school, it helps a lot. I have a full house and gaming system so I get it.

    [–] Just had an abortion and just want to tell someone jouleheretolearn 2 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    Apparently, I scared the relatives who tried this with my husband because they never did with me. I'm apparently more scary postpartum than a staff sergeant,lol. I was happy that was true. My SIL's sister has major baby rabies and this woman for whatever reason keeps thinking we're friends. She slandered my husband's name for a decade, never acknowledged or apologized, and that's the least offensive thing. Why would I trust her with my kid? And no, it was a mutual family thing my ILs invited her too, not my call.