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    [–] Wife is hiding stuff from me. Should I pretend I don't know? kvrdave 1 points ago in Christianity

    There are great counselors who are Christians. There are few good Christian counselors. I base that on experience. But it's certainly anecdotal.

    [–] Wife is hiding stuff from me. Should I pretend I don't know? kvrdave 1 points ago in Christianity

    Great post. There are terrible counselors out there just like in any profession and people ought to look at them as though they are interviewing whether or not they will click. "Christian" counselors are rarely good.

    [–] Wife is hiding stuff from me. Should I pretend I don't know? kvrdave 1 points ago * (lasted edited 2 hours ago) in Christianity

    P.S. She has had bad experiences with counsellors so she isn't interested in going.

    This is going to make things incredibly difficult. She needs professional help. This is already heading down the road of disaster. First, let's look at something VERY important.

    My past of having multiple sexual partners before her is something that doesn't sit well with her. There have been a few specific things that have been traumatic to her (i.e. finding out details of my past relationships, my use of porn early in our relationship, me generally being disrespectful at the start of our relationship, etc) but I've repented to her and to God,

    Fuck that. She doesn't get to hold this shit over your head. That's 100% wrong of her, and while it's nice that you are ready to take blame on this, she decided to marry you anyway. She had her chance to be pissed about this and not marry you but she chose to marry you. You seriously need to understand that. I'm not saying you don't do everything you can to help and repair, etc., but it is not okay that she hold this over your head.

    I think that the pain from that is embodied in pain that she attributes to what I did (and I'm not at all saying I'm blameless). As a result, she sometimes get triggered at various times, and she has these terrible, somewhat odd-in-nature episodes almost every night where she gets really dark and angry and everything about my past that bothers her comes to the surface. She talks to me like she hates me.

    It may very well be habit now. And whether you see it or not, this is abusive. She has serious issues and needs professional help and she isn't interested in going.

    And now she has a friend that she can talk to and blah, blah, blah, and it will likely turn into something more serious. How do I know? She keeps it hidden from you. That doesn't happen with people who are just friends. This is bullshit.

    Look, I'm late 40s and have seen nearly every scenario in either my or my friends' marriages. And if you want the best chance of saving your marriage, this is what I'd do based on what you've written.

    "Honey, we need to talk. We do not have a healthy marriage and we need help. I know about your messaging with (guy who will cross the line as well) and we need to decide together if our marriage is worth saving. I want to, but it feels like you are distancing yourself from me and getting comfort from someone else, and it's increasing. This doesn't end well if we don't decide to fix it. I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor. I want you to come with me, but I'm going either way. I want to fix this but I don't know how and I need someone to help me so maybe I can help us."

    She needs to turn this friend into one you both hang out with together and your phones should always be open to each other. But I don't think this is just a friend for long, so please don't wait. I pray for you, brother.

    [–] What is your Goliath? kvrdave 1 points ago in Christianity


    [–] What is your Goliath? kvrdave 1 points ago in Christianity

    Was. Nice.

    [–] Friend keeps asking for money kvrdave 1 points ago in Christianity

    Be honest. "I lent you money thinking you'd pay it back, but now you are borrowing for a 5th time and I've never been paid back. I'm uncomfortable lending any more to you."

    We try to avoid truthful confrontations because it can feel rude. But do it a few times and it's not difficult at all. And never lend money you need or expect to ever see again. That's the only way to lend with family and friends.

    [–] Husbands of r/Christianity kvrdave 2 points ago in Christianity

    Perhaps more importantly, how do you handle and cope with a conflicting decision that causes pain and sadness in your partner?

    Educate yourself. Nothing helps good decision making like becoming educated on the subject. My wife and I had talks before we got married that with rare exception, we were not going to live beyond our means. That's important and when you learn about finances it's obvious why.

    read, read, read.

    [–] Robert Mueller's Interviews with Paul Manafort Are Growing Increasingly 'Tense' as Investigation Focuses on Roger Stone kvrdave 2 points ago in worldnews

    Because justice doesnt run on countdown timer, its not even went that long Whitewater went on for almost a decade.

    I agree. But it's frustrating that corruption goes on for so long that it becomes normalized. Makes me think of this quote.

    Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.

    [–] My girlfriend wants a break kvrdave 2 points ago in Christianity

    Even so, you still make a clean break. That doesn't mean maybe you don't get back together some day, but it's a clean break. If a SO needs a break, you break contact, you don't text, meet, etc. Let them have their break from you as well and see if they come back.

    [–] Negotiating with builder on a new-build home a month before closing. Am I nuts? kvrdave 2 points ago in RealEstate

    In their contracts is EM not the sole remedy for failure to close or do their contracts give them an either/or position, or allow them to go for both?

    [–] My girlfriend wants a break kvrdave 4 points ago in Christianity

    She's breaking up with you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and you don't want to see it for what it is. The smart thing is to get passed the "need a break" thing and just break up. It won't get easier.

    [–] Does this rub anyone else the wrong way? kvrdave 2 points ago in Christianity

    No, but neither does His absence act as permission for the state to act immorally.

    [–] Catholic Diocese of LA shifted pedophile priests to Spanish communities figuring they’d be less likely to report to authorities. kvrdave 5 points ago in Christianity

    I hear that and I don't get it. That sounds like the reasoning of an abused person for why they don't leave their abuser. And I don't say that as an insult, but I'm trying to figure out how it's different. One learns that the Catholic Church has the fullness of Truth by the same people who continue an environment of covering for abuse of children.

    Sorry, I hope I don't sound insulting, it isn't my intent. It's probably just the same struggle I've always had with the idea that there is anything between me and Christ. Have a good weekend.

    [–] Is Abortion Legal For Christians kvrdave 1 points ago in Christianity

    You think it's difficult to look up the Catholic Church's position historically? It seems ignorant and dangerous to dismiss something without looking into it.

    [–] Is Abortion Legal For Christians kvrdave 2 points ago in Christianity

    This may have more of what you are looking for. I don't really get into the minutia of it, but rather it is enough for me to see that this isn't something our leaders have always agreed on.

    [–] Had 3 Latest Legends and pulled three 5* Cable, one of each color. That seems improbable. kvrdave 1 points ago in MarvelPuzzleQuest

    I opened the first two and when I saw that I got two in a row I decided there must be some promotion going on, so I instantly went back and bought one with 25 of the 34 points I had. I wanted to save them, but it seemed like now was the time to strike, and I got a third. Wish I'd had more draws.

    [–] Is Abortion Legal For Christians kvrdave 2 points ago in Christianity

    Agreed, and I thought about that. But his is the first part of what I quoted....

    In the early Roman Catholic church, abortion was permitted for male fetuses in the first 40 days of pregnancy and for female fetuses in the first 80-90 days.

    So if couldn't have just been a stating of something that was already a widely held belief because they were actually permitting it. And they even gave a longer period of time to kill the girls.

    [–] Free Chat Friday - post on any topic in this thread! kvrdave 2 points ago in Christianity

    Ha! I did buy a new one recently and just forgot about it. Check out the Dynavap. Put weed in it like a chillum, heat the end until you hear two "pops" and inhale. Good for 2 hits and it hits hard. These work perfectly with it.

    [–] Is Abortion Legal For Christians kvrdave 5 points ago in Christianity

    Yep, certainly there have been a lot of OPINIONS about it over the years. That doesn't seem like enough for me to dictate how others should live given that I wouldn't want others to dictate how I should live based on their opinion. But the Golden Rule doesn't get much love in Christianity these days unless it was how we wanted to act anyway.

    It does seem odd that it would be well over a millennia later that the Catholic Church too that position. It must not be as cut and dry and we'd like to believe.