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    latenerd

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    [–] TIFU by having a “snorgasm” while my husband slept latenerd 5 points ago in tifu

    Why does the fact they went to counseling make him a victim? If anything, the partner who has been losing sleep for 30 years has more cause to complain.

    And she is forced to listen to him snore but needs his "consent" to use the sound waves he blasts her with for her own enjoyment? Fuck that shit. Yes, she should have been more sensitive to his feelings and told him in advance, but it's hardly a violation of consent. He is overreacting.

    [–] Jordan's buddy Lindsey Shepherd banned permanently from Twitter for calling a trans woman an 'ugly fat man' latenerd 75 points ago * (lasted edited 7 hours ago) in enoughpetersonspam

    Wait... Are you telling me that people who rant about "free speech" are really just looking for an excuse to be mean and nasty to anyone who is different from them?? :o I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked.

    Edit: I never heard of Jessica Yaniv or what she said to Shepherd. Now that I've read the comment and reply, fuck Yaniv. If one was banned, they both should have been banned.

    [–] I do not feel safe having my earphones on. latenerd 7 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. Every narc I know including my mom has this expectation that you should be tuned it to what they want at all times, and they get so mad when you're not.

    My dad would point across the table with his mouth full at dinnertime, and get angry if you didn't immediately figure out what he wanted and pass it to him. Even after he chewed and swallowed, he would just point and keep demanding that you know. Like, pass what motherfucker?? Use your words. The salt, the potatoes, a drink, what??

    My mom would call our names from anywhere in the house and expect us to come running. And half the time it was just, "oh, I just wanted to know where you were." Lady. I. Am. Not. Your. Dog. Get up and find me if you want me.

    So I started a passive aggressive pushback. Every time she called my name, I would yell, "yes?" or "what?" and stay right where I was. Of course, she would act like she didn't hear it. A pause, and then she would call again. "Yeeah?" Another pause. Then she would start getting mad, and eventually I would hear feet stomping in my direction, and then she would bust a door open and yell, "Didn't you hear me calling you Why don't you answer Can't you hear me???" And I would say, "I heard you. I answered. Didn't you hear me?" God, she was PISSED the first few times but she eventually figured out I wouldn't come running like a puppy.

    That only worked after I was an adult, of course. If I tried that as a kid I probably would have gotten smacked. Sorry you are still dealing with this, OP :(

    [–] I'm 16 and I need help. [ T W: Sexual & Physical Abuse] [Very long post with documented abuse] latenerd 6 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    Yes, they are narcissists, and worse. Your father is an extreme misogynist and a sexual predator.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. What hell.

    I don't know where you live but are there any agencies you can go to that help abused children or victims of domestic violence? Teachers, police? Your doctor? Perhaps you can get help to get out and go somewhere that you can be safe.

    If you cannot get out, then the only strategy is to gray rock until you can move out. Minimize your interactions. Avoid them, especially your dad, as much as possible. Don't make waves, don't argue with them, just do your own thing and say as little as possible. But DO NOT believe any of their abusive words. They are all lies.

    Stay strong and keep on updating us here. We are all rooting for you.

    And for what it's worth -- I think you are incredibly strong, and insightful, and you have an impeccable writing style. Remember that narcs usually tear you down when they are *jealous*. Your parents can already see that you have many wonderful qualities developing and it drives them nuts. Be proud of who you are.

    [–] Me [27F] getting stonewalled by my [29M] military BF? latenerd 1 points ago in relationships

    He showed you who he is. That's why you left the first time. Trust your gut.

    He doesn't respect you and doesn't care about the things you care about, or how he makes you feel. That is a relationship deal breaker.

    When you leave this time, try to get some therapy or at least spend some time reading about co-dependency and abuse survivors, to see if you can figure out why you feel like you need to accept such shoddy treatment and lack of affection. You deserve better.

    [–] An immigrant’s observation latenerd 11 points ago in PoliticalHumor

    No tHe LiBruL elItEs wAnT whItE gEnOciDe cAn't YoU sEe?

    [–] Am I piece of shit human being for having a secret longterm relationship when my EDad is spending thousands on me and occasionally acts like a father? latenerd 1 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    A good dad wouldn't make you feel this much anguish about sharing your life with him or about being in a relationship.

    Enablers are abusers too. The fact that they are really good to you sometimes, or even most of the time, doesn't make up for that.

    Please put your happiness first and don't allow these people to make you feel guilty any longer. You did nothing wrong.

    [–] An immigrant’s observation latenerd 92 points ago in PoliticalHumor

    "...watch their little racist brains explode"

    I don't know who wrote this but I like this person.

    [–] Am I the asshole for not wanting to get too involved with my mentally ill father even though he keeps saying that he’s depressed and will kill himself, but if I 'loved him more' he might feel better? latenerd 7 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    No dear, no, you're not the asshole. It breaks my heart that you would think that for a second.

    Your father is EXTREMELY abusive and emotionally manipulative. None of what he says is true. I'm sorry for his issues -- clearly he suffers from trauma. But his trauma is NOT your problem to solve. And frankly, trauma doesn't make him treat you that way. He chooses to abuse you. You don't deserve that.

    Your mother is no better if she enables it.

    They both sound like very toxic people that you should avoid. Especially after that incident with the knife -- they sound dangerous.

    Please take care of yourself and stay away.

    [–] I (32F) am such an invisible, useless failure of a wife and mother that my parents celebrate and laugh when my husband (32M) gets mad at me (married 7 years) latenerd -8 points ago in relationships

    You are way, WAY overvaluing your shitty husband and undervaluing yourself.

    My guess is that your shitty parents trained you to do this.

    What your husband said to you was passive-aggressive, rude, controlling, and hurtful. And honey, someone who says stuff like this on the regular is NOT "gentle." He's a nasty bully.

    His statements about "not wanting to take over" are a sham, a ruse. He could easily have let you make dinner your way. Instead, he used it as a way to slam you, then denied he was being mean. So abusive. So wrong.

    Remember: you DID plan when you shopped! You had a few different things ready to go! Give yourself some credit. Because Lord knows, this asshole won't.

    Telling you your "feelings don't matter" is another favorite tactic of abusers and bullies. Your feelings DO matter, even if you made a mistake. And for the record, you didn't. You did nothing wrong.

    News flash, btw: if he bullies and belittles you today, he'll be doing it to your kids tomorrow. Do you also want to risk them becoming anxious and self-hating?

    Please seek counseling so that you can learn to identify these harmful patterns and learn to be kinder to yourself. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better.

    You are a good mom, and you are trying your very best. You deserve support and respect AS A MATTER OF COURSE, not only when you are "perfect." Anyone who tells you that you don't deserve to be treated with respect and caring is not on your side. He's not a good husband or dad. I sincerely hope that he learns to do better, but first you need to know in your bones that you deserve better. I wish you the best.

    [–] Me (27/f) w/ my boyfriend (28/m) of 3 yrs - he says my social anxiety is ruining our relationship latenerd 3 points ago in relationships

    Does he act entitled? Does he look down on people who work as cleaners? It's weird that your very normal tidying-up activities upset him so much. I wonder if he feels like it hurts your "image" somehow -- and by extension, his image.

    I would say it's one thing if he is simply less clean than you, but it's completely unacceptable that he uses your mental health issues to bully you into conforming with his way of thinking. That's not cool. You need to let him know that.

    [–] “Did you know that the majority of black deaths are caused by other blacks? Fix problems within you own community before blaming others.” --- This is the sentence that stripped a beauty queen of her title latenerd 2 points ago in conspiracy

    It's still an issue in some places. Lovely black couple I know couldn't buy a house in Brooklyn, of all places, around a decade ago because the old white real estate agent who had a lockdown on their desired neighborhood wouldn't sell to them. She finally relented when she learned they were both doctors.

    [–] I asked: "So what're you looking for on Bumble?" latenerd 3 points ago in niceguys

    Niceguy can't differentiate between, "what do I want in life" and "what do I want in a life decision with this chick", and assumes every woman he talks to is as desperate and insecure as he is.

    [–] re: "just get over it" latenerd 1 points ago in CPTSD

    Could not agree more with this post. Yay for your sleeping dragon beginning to rouse!

    [–] Warning: Reddit admins are removing comments and banning users that discuss or define "pedophilia" vs. "ephebophilia" latenerd -1 points ago in conspiracy

    You are really picking a ridiculous thing to defend. "Helpful"? You can learn the word from people who call out ephebophiles for being predators, how's that for helpful.

    You have to understand that "I was just trying to have a reasonable debate" is a disingenuous tactic that is often used by evil people to slowly shift your thinking, i.e. manipulate you. Grow up and learn to read between the lines.

    Literally NO ONE needs a word to differentiate a particular kind of underage sex unless they are trying to fuck kids.

    [–] anti vaxxers be like... latenerd 1 points ago in insanepeoplefacebook

    I guess they don't know that a common cause of seizures in infancy is high fever... that can happen when the baby catches a virus... that could have been prevented by vaccination?

    [–] When someone plays innocent nice guy but it don't work 😒 latenerd 2 points ago in niceguys

    Oh, thaaat's why the niceguys are so bothered by women who post sexy pics. They have no problem with women objectifying themselves, they just want the pics all to themselves!

    [–] I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with mom about how i feel that her and my dad mistreated me as a child, any advice is welcomed. latenerd 54 points ago in MensLib

    Here's my advice: if you say anything to her, say it because you need to say it, and NOT because you need her to respond a certain way.

    Because in all likelihood, she won't respond with the understanding you were hoping for. She's not blind and deaf. She knows what happened. She chooses pretend it "wasn't that bad" for her own reasons.

    No matter how perfectly you state your case, you cannot make someone see what they do not want to see.

    Take it from someone whose mother said, "oh... I didn't know it bothered you" when I described how my I felt when my father raged out of control and hit her and my brother. Yeah, OK. Sure she didn't. She's been gaslighting me my whole life, and no amount of arguing gets her to admit the truth.

    You speak your truth if you need to. That can be healing. Just don't let your peace of mind depend on getting a certain kind of reply from her.

    [–] NZURI means Beautiful latenerd 4 points ago in pics

    Clearly the kids don't care about spelling anymore...