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    latenerd

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    [–] This mom at my daughter's school latenerd 0 points ago in AdviceAnimals

    Give me a break. Are you actually saying you need someone with a special degree to teach little kids the concept of "look but don't touch"?

    I would argue that if parents and other adults don't teach this lesson to young kids, they're setting them up to get hurt.

    Look, if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't do it. Is it a bad idea? Sure it is. Does she have bad judgment? Probably. But does it make the woman an asshole? I don't think so. It's not crazy to tell children, even small ones, to respect limits. People here are acting like she's some kind of monster for showing the little darlings something they will want and can't immediately have.

    [–] Hits the nail on the head latenerd 2 points ago in JordanPeterson

    Hah! I never thought of that, but you are so right :D

    [–] Hits the nail on the head latenerd 11 points ago in JordanPeterson

    Really? Fascinating. You have seen pictures of JBP's office, right?

    [–] This mom at my daughter's school latenerd -23 points ago in AdviceAnimals

    I don't get why this is a problem. Children should know they can't touch every damn animal. And this lady can take her bird out in public if she wants to. Maybe preschool is not the best possible place, but I don't think it's worthy of this meme.

    [–] I (27F) want to tell my parents (40sF, 50sM) that they've hurt my feelings but none of us are skilled in communicating latenerd 3 points ago in relationships

    I think u/ApprehensiveLecture had some great advice.

    It also strikes me that you have trouble being assertive in general. For example, if you wanted dinner at the korean bbq, why not just remind people before dinnertime and badger them a little? If they don't want to, ask them for a clear "no" rather than let them leave you hanging.

    If you don't want to spend several hours out of your day to help out, tell them so. I realize this can be a bit tricky, based on how much they help you and how badly they need a hand. But it does sound like they take you for granted sometimes.

    Saying no and asserting your boundaries are good life skills in general. (And I didn't have them in my 20s either, so I totally understand). Work on it with family, and it will serve you well with other people too.

    [–] I (21f) need to break up with my boyfriend (23) of 1.5 years but he's making it even harder. latenerd -4 points ago in relationships

    Grit your teeth and break up with him. This situation is not fair to either of you, or the kid. Bf is kind of being an asshole for guilting you about this.

    Then consider getting some help for your own issues. It's not really normal to feel so anxious around a child, or to feel so unable to end a relationship that is wrong for you. Do you have issues with depending on others to feel happy or secure? This might be a good time to work on some of that stuff.

    [–] My [27M] dad [52M] mistreats my sister [16F]. How can I support her? latenerd 1 points ago in relationships

    Some good suggestions down below, but I think the best thing you can do is... ask your sister. Tell her what you really think of your dad's attitude, and ask what you can do to help. Everyone is affected differently by abuse.

    And be prepared to keep asking her, without getting annoying. Check in with her on a regular basis. It may take her a while to understand that she is being abused, and that she has other options. So keep in touch with her. Most likely her healing process will take a lot of time.

    [–] What have you done to customize/personalize your Prius? latenerd 1 points ago in prius

    My steering wheel was all worn out and junky looking (2002 Prius) so I got a fuzzy "fur" steering wheel cover in the same color. Keeps my hands nice and warm in winter.

    [–] PT 2 Feeling guilty and confused latenerd 2 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    Agreed. I wonder who picked the therapist? Whether it was amom or not, it doesn't matter. Some therapists are just terrible.

    And OP, please consider that when you think about letting this woman close to your future child, your gut response is HELL NO. So why do you allow her to get close to you? Don't you deserve the same level of protection, peace, and safety? Trust your instincts. They are telling you she is toxic. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

    I don't know if she has actually changed or if shes just gotten smarter at how to communicate with me since she knows I could break contact with her again if I get upset.

    Bingo. Nothing puts the fear of god into a narcissist like the thought that they might permanently lose that sweet narc supply.

    [–] Step father beat me senseless over eaten cake that I did not eat, my mother did, she willingly watched me being beaten before confessing after the damage was already done. latenerd 39 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    I'm with you, they are weak. Even worse, I think some women actually enjoy seeing their children abused -- they have abusive impulses themselves and they let the guy act them out so that they can act "innocent." Absolutely disgusting.

    On another note, though, OP -- how awesome were you to stick up for your little brother! You must have been terrified but you still protected him. You were more of an adult and a parent than your own mother. I hope you are proud of that.

    [–] My (29f) boyfriend (29m) filmed me without my consent as a joke latenerd 40 points ago in relationships

    if he'll do this sort of shit to other women, he'll do the same to you

    100% this.

    [–] My girlfriend (27F) is increasingly unhappy with my long time dream/new hobby and has given me (25M) an ultimatum latenerd 51 points ago in relationships

    Accept her ultimatum and tell her to WALK. What a toxic person.

    First of all, to hell with anyone who tells you to abandon your hobbies for them. That's just plain abusive. It would be one thing if she asked you to balance spending more time with her or something, but to tell you to stop? No, fuck that noise.

    Second, what kind of selfish nasty person tells you this in front of your friends?

    she just didn't think my screenplays were any good and it frustrated her to see that everyone else was coddling my delusions of success.

    That alone would be enough reason for me to break up with someone. How cruel. Again, if she really thought your screenplays sucked, there would be kinder ways to bring this up. My guess is she knows they're good, and it makes her jealous.

    On top of that, she delivers this gem:

    nobody wants to hear about any of the depressing shit I had to witness growing up in said country, and finally claimed that the only reason I was writing it was because I just wanted everyone to wallow in my own pity party about not being born in the US.

    What a spoiled, rotten, elitist, immature little brat. Why would you want someone like this in your life?

    [–] I [29F] feel my [34M] husband took advantage of me, and he disagrees. latenerd 16 points ago in relationships

    He said “when you got back from the bathroom you still wanted sex..."

    And that word right there is how you know he was lying. You didn't want sex in the first place. You had told him "it's not like that" then threw up. So how could you "still" want sex?

    He has no respect for you. I'm so sorry you are in this situation, but at least you are with family who can hopefully be a support for you. Trust your instincts and get away from this man.

    [–] I love you so much latenerd 5 points ago in aww

    There's a fine art to knowing when to push an animal out of their comfort zone a little bit, and when to leave them alone. If they're anxious all the time, it's kinder to push them a bit so they don't live in fear. You did good :)

    [–] Honestly the most narc-ish thing I've ever heard in my life... latenerd 82 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    Yes, you hit the nail on the head! That's almost the definition of a narcissist. They need to create this false self and pump up their ego because deep down they feel like their true self is never good enough.

    It's no excuse for their behavior, but it helps to remember that sometimes.

    [–] My mother disowned me today. I need someone to listen. latenerd 3 points ago in MomForAMinute

    Honey, you are not the problem. Your parents are the problem. Please don't blame yourself. You will never get these people to respect you. That's not because of you; that's because something is broken inside them. If you allow them to determine your self-worth, you will always be sad. Instead, respect yourself. Find good people in your life who treat you the way you deserve. Sounds like your bf is one of those.

    You will feel much healthier and happier when you put some distance between you and your mom. (And do NOT try to apologize or make amends for HER behavior, ever. It will only encourage the abuse.) Can you go no contact? If not, then gray rock. Don't tell her much, and don't react to what she says. Give her the minimum attention necessary to keep the peace.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this and I'm sending virtual hugs. Hang in there and stay strong. There are better things ahead for you.

    [–] UPDATE: my(33) husband(38) had inappropriate conversation with my sister(27) and is still contacting her. He’s blaming it on the drugs. How do I leave with two kids? latenerd 15 points ago in relationships

    You are incredibly strong and doing the right thing. I just want to say thank you on behalf of your children for choosing not to fight in front of them. My parents always fought in front of my and my siblings and it was terrible.

    You may as well let him think there is hope so he stays on his best behavior. Don't feel bad for him. He chose to put himself and you in this mess and you owe him nothing.

    [–] Today my dad asked my 6 year old son if he could go 5 minutes without being the center of attention. How dare he speak to my son like that? latenerd 74 points ago in raisedbynarcissists

    my dad still has enough value to me that I won't do that

    What value exactly is worth swallowing your self respect and allowing him to be mean to your son? I don't mean to come across as harsh, and I'm not judging. Maybe your situation is really one where it is better not to cut off your dad. But I found that things only improved with my nmom when I was willing to cut her off if necessary.

    [–] My [28/m] boyfriend has sprung a huge career and cross-city change on me [26/f] with no communication. I have PTSD and am unsure I am handling this abrupt change in a healthy manner. latenerd 3 points ago in relationships

    He's gaslighting her, trying to convince her she is helpless and unambitious, to justify doing what he wants to do. He is withholding information that affects her life, and promising to act like he is planning a future with her when that isn't really true. And he is doing all this knowing that she has a rough past and absolutely needs to be able to trust the person she is with. It may not be the worst abuse I've ever heard of, but it definitely crosses a line.