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    [–] I think I need to divorce my husband malevitch_square 1 points ago in relationship_advice

    That's not fair you to. You cannot be the only one trying to fix things. The emotional labor he's requiring of you is unacceptable. because he's not performing any of that labor. If you didn't suck it up and go to him, what would happen? How long would he wait and stay shut down? That shows he's very entitled and comfortable with the way things are. He may not enjoy the fighting but he isn't bothered enough by it to change anything, so he has no incentive to. If you stand up for yourself and refuse to play this game of his, what choice does he have but to start working on his side or let you walk away?

    [–] I love my boyfriend but this might be a deal breaker malevitch_square 2 points ago in relationship_advice

    Only you can decide if this is a deal-breaker for you. He's been willing to compromise with you on this - smoking less and not in the apartment. That's a good sign.

    [–] I think I need to divorce my husband malevitch_square 3 points ago in relationship_advice

    Sit him down and tell him that if things don't change, you're leaving. And you mean it. He needs to show quantifiable efforts to fix your marriage: couples counseling, individual counseling. The responsibility of fixing this is not solely on your shoulders. It is equally on each of yours. If you are the only one fighting for this marriage, it cannot be saved. He needs to recognize that this is how bad it is, that you are willing to walk away from it all if he continues to ignore you and refuse to talk through your issues.

    Without knowing exactly what you fight about or what your triggers are, all I can tell you is that a couples counselor will be able to help you both with your communication and coping skills.

    [–] the uncanny, the surreal, the alienating, the atmospheric? malevitch_square 2 points ago in suggestmeabook

    Try Laird Barron - The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All (collection) or The Croning (novel).

    [–] What are your favourite horror books? malevitch_square 20 points ago in horrorlit

    Teatro Grottesco by Thomas Ligotti (short story collection and my favorite of all time)

    Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

    Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Suskind

    The Croning by Laird Barron

    Fledgling by Octavia Butler

    [–] [22M][21] Girlfriend parents constantly complain that I’m weird around them malevitch_square 1 points ago in relationship_advice

    Loosen up and let people talk. Don't talk over them and don't switch subjects. Be mindful and pay attention to the mood of the room. Focus on listening to others and asking questions instead of talking.

    [–] Who/what am I? malevitch_square 1 points ago in relationship_advice

    I struggle with this as well, and this is something I was taught that has greatly helped me. I am a pretty sensitive person and I feel emotions very strongly, so when I am upset or angry about something with my husband, I tend to assume he's the bad guy because why else would I feel this way? But then I was always wrong. And it gets incredibly frustrating to always be wrong. My confidence started to slip. Now, I realize that I need to remain mindful and in the present moment when we argue, so that my emotions don't completely take over.

    Also, I've learned to give my partner the benefit of the doubt. I know him, I know who he is as a person. So when I get upset at something he does, instead of immediately jumping to anger I try to be mindful of all the wonderful things he does for me and think about what his intentions were. I know this is all anecdotal but these are things either you or your gf could be doing, so I wanted to share. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, and talking calmly about something instead of jumping to an argument has really made a huge difference in how often and how badly we fight.

    [–] If there was just one rule, what would that be? malevitch_square 2 points ago in AskReddit

    As long as it harms nobody, including yourself, do what you want.

    [–] Who/what am I? malevitch_square 1 points ago in relationship_advice

    You both need to stop arguing about who is right. Arguments should always be both of you vs the problem, not you vs her. Instead of approaching disagreements with your partner as a chance to convince her you are right and she is wrong, think of it as a puzzle in which the two of you have to work together to figure out the source of your misunderstanding.

    You always feel your perspective is right because you are letting your feelings dictate reality. Your feelings are very real, but as you have learned, perspective is everything and can absolutely change the way you feel and think about a situation. A good trick is to always assume there is a possibility that you're wrong. Use your empathy for your partner to truly put yourself in their shoes, and try to understand why they think and feel the way they do about whatever the problem is.

    [–] Amberlynn HAD to slip in she is paying for Dana and Destiny to move to KY malevitch_square 24 points ago in Amberlynn

    That's a relief. But still, ANY money is ridiculous. Don't ask your ex to give you money. It's pathetic.

    [–] Amberlynn HAD to slip in she is paying for Dana and Destiny to move to KY malevitch_square 73 points ago in Amberlynn

    I am so confused about why

    1) Dana would accept money from her fiancee's EX

    2) Destiny would ask for help from someone she broke up with, to help with a move for her and the woman she CHEATED on her with and left her for

    Nobody in this circle has any self-respect and I don't know why I am surprised.

    [–] I’m 24(M) and I just found out my Dad(51) is dating a 19 year old - UK malevitch_square 1 points ago in relationship_advice

    This problem will likely resolve itself when the 19 year old realizes her mistake.

    I would tell my dad how absolutely pathetic and predatory he looks.

    [–] [serious] How and how long did it take you to figure out what it was that you’re passionate about? malevitch_square 1 points ago in AskReddit

    When I was eleven, I realized I was too old to play with dolls. It made me really sad because I loved telling stories with my dolls. That's when I realized I loved stories, and I started writing in 6th grade. I published a book of poetry that year (childrens book obviously). Now I have a degree in writing and am working on my first novel.

    [–] People of reddit what’s is your worst fear? malevitch_square 1 points ago in AskReddit

    This damn "big one" earthquake I keep hearing about my whole life. (southern CA)