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    [–] Free N-Word Pass for every Redditor who upvotes! They only last 5 half-seconds, so use em quick! (But not to me πŸ‘Ί) misterpyrrhuloxia 19 points ago in copypasta

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    ░░░░░░░▀▄─▄▀▒▀▀▀▄▄▀────YOU────
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    [–] Dayum bro! misterpyrrhuloxia 3 points ago in Unexpected

    They don't think it be like it is

    But it do

    [–] It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis misterpyrrhuloxia 4 points ago in copypasta

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    ░░░░░░░▀▄─▄▀▒▀▀▀▄▄▀────YOU────
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    [–] Marines thing...but furry text misterpyrrhuloxia 1 points ago in copypasta

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    ░░░░░░░▀▄─▄▀▒▀▀▀▄▄▀────YOU────
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    [–] Garfield misterpyrrhuloxia 1 points ago in copypasta

    So my cat, Garfield, recently came down with a pretty severe stomach virus. The vet gave me some antibiotic drops to put in his food but when I’d do that Garfield wouldn’t touch it. So, the vet suggested using a small dropper tube to insert the medicine directly into his anus. The first time was absolute hell, my cat fought me the whole time but once the tube was in and the medicine pushed out he seemed to calm quite a bit. Well the next day he was acting strange, he has always been an independent cat, rarely coming around, never wanting to be held, but as I sat on the couch he started walking back and forth meowing and rubbing my leg. He then went and jumped up on the table where we’d done the application the night before and meowed louder and louder until I decided I guess we will go ahead and do the medicine treatment. This time he didn’t fight me though, and when I inserted the tube he closed his eyes, stretched his neck, and let out a noise that can only be described as a moan of pure ecstasy. Maybe the medicine made him feel better, I supposed. That night he slept on my bed curled up right next to me, which he had never done before. For the next week he’d do the same thing every day, meow on the table until he got his β€˜fix’... But then the medicine ran out. Even though I had no medicine he’d still cry and beg for it, I thought maybe if I insert it without medicine he will realize it doesn’t make him feel better anymore and forget about it. Well that was 2 weeks ago and he is only getting worse. He walks around me all day with his tail up presenting his rectum and trying to entice me. He is demanding insertions more and more often. Yesterday I caught him looking longingly at the turkey baster... When I sit he jumps in my lap purring and rubbing me affectionately. It was then in horror I realized my cat thinks I’m his gay lover, and that I’ve been sexually pleasing him for weeks now. Needless to say the sexual tension between us is palpable. How do I let my cat know that I’m not gay, but still like him as a friend?

    [–] Oh? You're challenging me ? misterpyrrhuloxia 5 points ago in copypasta

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    ░░░░░░░▀▄─▄▀▒▀▀▀▄▄▀────YOU────
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    β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ „β£Œβ »β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ÿβ ‹β’Ήβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⑇Ⓒ⣭⑇Ⓗ⣿⣿⠏⣀⣢⑇Ⓒ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£Ύβ’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Άβ£­β£›β’ƒβ£Όβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘›β ˆβ ›β β ™β ‰β ›β Ώβ ›β’Ÿβ‘Ώβ£Ώβ£·β‘β’Ώβ‘Ώβ’»β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⑹⠄⒀⣷⣢⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣢⑍⠹⑿⠆⠙⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⒫⣷⣧Ⓒ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⒀⣴⣢⣏⑛Ⓙ⣿⣿⣿⣿ β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ώβ β „β „β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ£¨β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β‘˜β£Ώβ£Ώβ£§β£€β£€β£Ήβ£β’€β£€β£€β£€β£ β‘„β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ’€β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£·β£Όβ£‹β ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ÿβ „β ˆβ ›β’Ώβ β’™β ˆβ β „β ™β£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ „β Ήβ Ÿβ ›β ‰β ‘β Ώβ£Ώβ‘β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˜β£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ Ώβ ƒβ „β „β£€β‘€β „β „β ˆβ „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β’Ή β „β „β’€β‘†β£°β Ÿβ ·β£€β €β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „ β „β’€β Žβ „β ƒβ’€β žβ ‰β’³β£΄β£Άβ „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β£€

    [–] β€˜Goodbye mother’ by Inna Vjuzhanina misterpyrrhuloxia 1 points ago in DaenerysWinsTheThrone

    Wait, why did you tag me on this? I've never seen a single second of GoT.

    [–] White teenage girls be like... misterpyrrhuloxia 183 points ago in copypasta

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    ░░░░░░░▀▄─▄▀▒▀▀▀▄▄▀────YOU────
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    [–] Living in Arizona during the summer misterpyrrhuloxia 3 points ago in dankmemes

    It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to- penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help.

    [–] Living in Arizona during the summer misterpyrrhuloxia 5 points ago in dankmemes

    On the plus side, you could then give gumjobs.

    [–] Remotely trigger task without anything visible appear on phone misterpyrrhuloxia 1 points ago in tasker

    Can the tasks be triggered without anything audible or visible popping up? And are both Join and AutoRemote able to be trigger from a PC?

    [–] Remotely trigger task without anything visible appear on phone misterpyrrhuloxia 1 points ago in tasker

    Well a toast would be fine because that doesn't light up my LED or my ambient display. But while I'm at my desk at work, I can't have my personal phone on me and it's checked in at the front desk. We're required to turn the phone off before checking it in. But I don't ever turn it off for that. And I don't want anyone at the front desk seeing my phone light up or anything since it's actually supposed to be off.

    [–] 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 misterpyrrhuloxia 2 points ago in IdiotsInCars

    I was responsible for a 5 car rear ending basically just like this. The major difference was that all 5 cars involved in the accident were company-owned cars all owned by my employer at the time. So no one was written a ticket and no one's driving record was affected because we had convinced the cop that it wasn't necessary, considering that all 5 vehicles were owned by the same company.