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    [–] People in happy relationships: Why does your relationship work? What makes it so good? myyusernameismeta 15 points ago * (lasted edited a day ago) in AskWomen

    I think this is a great idea. It's not for everyone, but it's worked well for my husband and me. At first I was really worried I'd be jealous, but he always respected the rules/boundaries we came up with at every stage of slowly opening up or relationship, which helped a lot. And we communicated extensively before and throughout our journey.

    Your partner may not want to hear about your escapades, but opening things up could save your marriage.

    That said, you two have a small child at home. Have you tried asking her what types of things you can do to help her feel like a person again? She probably needs you to pitch in around the house a lot, and she's probably exhausted and sleep deprived. And she probably needs you to see the work that needs to be done and just do it, without waiting for her to direct you. "Managing" the house and having to tell your partner what to do can be a huge mental drain. But having an occasional conversation to redistribute responsibility can help.

    Think about it this way: If someone else took care of the kid for a week and you two could just chill, your wife might be as adventurous and sexual as ever. But right now, YOU are that other person. There are only two parents, and often one person gets stuck with more responsibility than the other.

    If you do open up the relationship, don't expect her to stay on parenting duty while you run off and date other people. You owe her just as much free time as you hope to give yourself, whether she spends that time with you, with friends, by herself, or with other lovers.

    [–] TIFU By Ruining My Valentine's Date with My Girlfriend myyusernameismeta 21 points ago in tifu

    Ugh that's the worst, I've had that happen too, and honestly it's really turned me off to the whole group birthday thing. I'm sorry your boyfriend didn't listen - it's totally normal to want to stay in at that point, and he should habe taken your word that you'd rather stay in, instead of making it about him and his expectations

    [–] TIFU By Ruining My Valentine's Date with My Girlfriend myyusernameismeta 3 points ago in tifu

    Some people, both women and men, have trouble putting things into words, especially in a high stress situation. So if someone you generally trust and respect says "I don't want to go back in there," the right thing to do is to realize they have a good reason, even if they can't put it into words right now. That's part of being in a relationship with an equal. And if you don't trust your partner enough to give them the benefit of the doubt, then maybe you should figure out why you don't trust them, and do something about that.

    [–] TIFU By Ruining My Valentine's Date with My Girlfriend myyusernameismeta 7 points ago in tifu

    Wait really? My husband and I make up random excuses to get dressed up and go out all the time, and it's really nice not having to wait all year for vday. We sometimes have to work on major holidays so I guess we try to make up for it by celebrating "we both have the day off!" etc, which happens a lot more often than this holiday. Nice dinner out, dessert, bottle of wine, lingerie... There's no reason that has to be a once or twice a year thing, unless it's because of a really tight budget

    [–] “Nearly 25% of mothers go back to work within two weeks of giving birth. To give you a sense of where human mothers fall on the legal protection hierarchy, it’s illegal to separate a dog from her newborn pups before 8 weeks in several states.” The law protects dogs more than human women. myyusernameismeta 1 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    There are relatively progressive Americans who want the right to abortions, better parental leave, and better healthcare. And there are relatively conservative Americans who want to make abortion illegal, and they don't want to pay for (or guarantee) parental leave.

    I'm part of the former group. I'm really sad about the latter group, because they make life hard for women here. It could be a lot worse, but I still wish it was better

    [–] My boyfriend [25m] seems to want me [24f] to spend more in my personal life, because I have a high-flying work life. myyusernameismeta 10 points ago in relationships

    This. I think either he's jealous and wants to have fancy experiences too (so they can both enjoy nice things together), or he doesn't understand that it's her work paying for the fancy stuff.

    I suspect he sees how nice things could be from how she talks about her trips, but never gets to experience it with her, and that's understandably frustrating. But I understand it from her perspective too; it feels silly to spend money on things you don't care about. I think they can find a compromise once she asks him what he likes about these nicer things he encourages her to spend money on.

    [–] My[35M] girlfriend[30F] is constantly messaging me with problems that seem infantile. I want to be supportive but I'm having major problems. Help please! myyusernameismeta 21 points ago in relationships

    THIS. My husband used to always say things like "That sucks babe" when I was coming to him for help/advice solving whatever problem I was facing. We talked about how even though I occasionally want to vent, I generally don't complain unless I'm in problem solving mode. So now he asks whether I want his thoughts/advice or a hug. 10/10 would recommend

    [–] I (F24) gave my friends at work Valentines gifts and now I feel like a big idiot myyusernameismeta 16 points ago in relationships

    Idk, I've gotten "I'm glad we're buddies" Valentine's day gifts from same-gender friends, and I think it's nice. Then again I'm a lady, so maybe it's more normal for me to express/accept expressions of platonic affection

    [–] Exposure to weed killing products increases risk of cancer by 41%, finds a new study that provides evidence that ‘supports link’ between exposures to glyphosate herbicides and increased risk for non-Hodgkin lymphoma. myyusernameismeta 6 points ago in worldnews

    Per year though. So after working with it for 40 years, say from age 20 to 60, your risk would be 1.2% instead of 0.86%. So 1 in 200 workers gets this type of cancer BECAUSE of RoundUp. Can you imagine if one out of every 200 of your coworkers got lymphoma and died because of the type of work they do? Non-Hodgkins in the bad kind of lymphoma - I'd certainly change jobs.

    [–] What's the most ridiculous thing you fantasize about on a semi-regular basis? myyusernameismeta 2 points ago in AskReddit

    I heard that this actually means we're grateful for people, when we start having those thoughts. Your brain values those people, so it tries to troubleshoot things that could take them away from you. The problem is, you can't stop a car accident. So the thing to do is, when you find yourself having those thoughts, remind yourself of what you love about your family. Be grateful they're alive and well now; cherish them; these are some of the people you love most in the world

    [–] I [24F] and my boyfriend [25M] disagree over how to split future finances myyusernameismeta 3 points ago in relationships

    I agree, that's probably going to be their biggest problem since he's from a wealthy family. What they could do is, have a set budget for their shared account as well. They might agree to only spend X amount on food, rent, gas, etc, and to keep $2000 buffer in the checking account to make sure they don't overdraft. Then they each get $500/month in their personal accounts, where they can spend whatever they feel like on their hobbies/entertainment. And the rest, they might agree to put towards loans, retirement, an emergency fund, etc.

    Th main difficulty will be coming up with a budget/plan they can both agree on. And if she doesn't trust him, or if he's the kind of person who'd go behind her back and spend their emergency fund on things they don't need.... Then maybe they shouldn't be married.

    There are plenty of couples who keep their finances separate, but his expectations of sharing money sound pretty reasonable, as long as he's trustworthy

    [–] I [24F] and my boyfriend [25M] disagree over how to split future finances myyusernameismeta 10 points ago in relationships

    I like this idea. That's basically what my spouse and I do; that way we all have a say in how the money is allocated, and we both have access to all the money, but we don't spend it all. It goes toward the things we consider important, and we talk to each other before making any purchases above a certain amount, or before making purchases that will affect us both, like buying a new piece of furniture

    [–] Coping with heavy periods "hack" myyusernameismeta 8 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    Came here to say this. I'm a doctor, and I've never heard of this nettle tea. I have no idea if it's safe or effective for large populations of people, so I can't go around telling patients about it either. Y'all can figure out this tea stuff on your own; I'll be here if you need some pills or if you want to get checked for anemia, fibroids, bleeding disorders, PCOS, endometriosis, etc.

    [–] Rant: I'm your doctor, please stop. myyusernameismeta 13 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    Depending on what specialty you go into, you might not have to deal with as much harassment once you're an attending. I'm a pediatrician, so most adults that I interact with are young moms, who are generally pleasant. Every now and then I get some grandmothers who are worried I'm too young, but it's not as common as it would be in other fields of medicine

    [–] What's something someone did that instantly made you lose your crush on them? myyusernameismeta 2 points ago in AskReddit

    There are pills that actually help with BPD? What medicine was she on? I know someone who probably needs it too

    [–] I got what I thought was a regular pap smear, ended up being billed for STD tests. myyusernameismeta 2 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    It's considered routine testing in my experience too. Your doctor would be negligent not to check for these things - they're completely treatable and very common, even in "monogamous" relationships

    [–] I got what I thought was a regular pap smear, ended up being billed for STD tests. myyusernameismeta 4 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    We don't get paid more for ordering these tests! Honestly gonorrhea and chlamydia are super common even in relationships that women think are monogamous. If a person is having sex, a doctor should generally be suspicious that that person could have an STI. That said, they should have talked to the patient about it ahead of time, in order to avoid a nasty surprise like this