Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    nvyetka

    + friends - friends
    555 link karma
    1,542 comment karma
    send message redditor for

    [–] Me [18 M] with my girlfriend[20F] of 10 months, wants me stop smoking weed. nvyetka 5 points ago in relationships

    You’re using weed to “block out” bad feelings. You should find ways to resolve the source of the problem, not just temporarily distract from them.

    Weed is not bad in itself but if used to avoid dealing with life, then it is a crutch.

    You don’t have to be perfect to be with your gf, you’re allowed to have difficulties and weaknesses in life. However you should be actively finding ways to get better — not jjust ignoring them. The reasons you feel bad are still there.

    [–] How do I deal with the hole that’s left after a breakup? nvyetka 1 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago) in relationship_advice

    In same position at this moment. Spring is getting here and it’s so nice but I’m just like, it would be so much nicer with my person. Am I even experiencing life if I don’t have a partner here to experience it with me ?

    I know I’m supposed to be ok alone, and I kinda am, hang out with friends and have things to do. But I miss the warmth and sense of home/reliability, someone to come back to, to go thru experiences with, or to do nothing with on a nice day.

    It does feel like a hole , like something missing.

    Just writing to say I’m feelin it to, trying to figure out what to do . It helps a little to give myself permission to grieve or wallow, feel sad about a sad situation (even if it’s what had to happen)

    It helps a little too to read some poetry or look at art, and think, damn it’s si much more relatable after your heart breaks because these were created by people who have been thru these human experiences too

    I dunno, just hurting for now. Healing, slowly maybe

    [–] What company has lost their way? nvyetka 1 points ago in AskReddit

    Lol I bought a long piece of wood and tried to have a cut to size, a service they offered. Turns out the saw was out of service. Ok then can I pick up the same product from your other location ? Nope also broken there. Third location ? Nope also broken. No remorse just apathy. Not even trying to provide good service anymore, just eh f you, with no feeling, the direst kind because the soul has died here. End up maneuvering 15’ long piece of wood onto the subway

    [–] scared to ask - how to plan for adult goals - to include motherhood ? nvyetka 1 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    wow the statistics are vastly different from what i've read elsewhere... thanks for the resources

    [–] I'm (17f) a bridesmaid in my sister's (25f) wedding and its costing me way too much nvyetka 22 points ago in relationships

    You do not sound like a d*ck, your sister and absentee adults in this situation do. You are being taken advantage of, and manipulated into thinking it would be selfish or unreasonable for you to say No

    At 17, making babysitting money is a great start to adult life, learning responsibility and work skills, and choosing how to spend what you earn towards the person you want to become. That means investing in your goals, college, car, etc. and family & relationships, yes. But your first moves in adult life should not be to blow out on Someone else’s wedding, unless being her bridesmaid is for some reason one of your life goals. Do what makes sense for you and your loved ones. This does not sound like it makes much sense for you, only for her .

    Value yourself more

    [–] What's the most intimate moment you've had with a complete stranger? nvyetka 1 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago) in AskReddit

    today a woman waited for me to notice her looking back repeatedly/exaggeratedly at me so that she could give me a really dirty look

    she really wanted to make that intimate connection of disapproval for my previous elevator etiquette (i was of the opinion that the elevator was full)

    sigh. mutual disgruntlement of coexisting in an overcrowded city

    [–] Every Single ½ Hour of My 2018 Recorded [OC] nvyetka 1 points ago in dataisbeautiful

    remember to put this in your college app -- and you're gonna killlll it.

    [–] My brother is having a manic episode, I'm flying over tomorrow so I can bring him back to America. How should I approach this? nvyetka 4 points ago in BipolarReddit

    by the way, long distance air travel is a risk factor because it messes with sleep, and mania is partly induced by lack of sleep. Not sure if his doctor could recommend anything for that, but just a heads up.

    [–] My brother is having a manic episode, I'm flying over tomorrow so I can bring him back to America. How should I approach this? nvyetka 2 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago) in BipolarReddit

    I think you'll know better when you spend some time with him in person.

    You could gently suggest getting psych care, without pushing it as something he HAS to do, since rationality is not how he's operating right now and wont be convincing. Like hey, your doctor wants to see you, what do you think? She's a good doctor, she's cool right? Lets check in with her.

    You could appeal to him for other reasons, based on trust/emotion, so that even if he doesnt think he "should" do something, he might just go along with you. On some level he might get that he needs help and that you have his best interests at heart.

    If he's having a bad time there anyway you can say, hey lets just go home. Let's deal with all this later, we'll figure it out together. Make going home sound appealing & no big deal. Maybe suggesting that he can relax better at home, recuperate from stress, be among his comforts, or take his mind off of things. Act like it's no big deal to change the tickets, things happen people do it all the time, you'll take care of logistics, he can come back later if he wants, noones going to be mad at him for leaving, etc - make it feel like its an easy/low stress decision, why not.

    [–] My brother is having a manic episode, I'm flying over tomorrow so I can bring him back to America. How should I approach this? nvyetka 10 points ago in BipolarReddit

    When my brother is manic my strategy is to cultivate sympathy and trust, and avoid antagonism

    - If he is speed-talking, help him talk it out, listen to him, be understanding and sympathetic about the stuff running thru his mind, while steering him in safer/saner directions. I think it helps to take him seriously, accept that his reality is real for him right now, while reflecting back your calmer perspective and try to reframe the situation. I think it helps him to know he has someone on his side, who believes in what's inside him even if his external behavior is dysfunctional at the moment. His rambling seems senseless but may have clues about what is bothering him and how to help him feel a little better.

    ex. paranoia - Brother: people are talking about me, they are conspiring etc etc. Me: Oh, really? Why do you think they would do that? People have their own things going on, they're probably just thinking about themselves.

    ex. Brother: rambling about random cassette tapes he's suddenly obsessed with. Me: oh cool! whats this one? i miss having a cassette player, etc etc

    - try to make him laugh or feel more at ease. distract him with something nice to think about. Generally, just talk about ordinary good things, shifting him back to a slower pace.

    -I think it's best not to not scare him off by outright telling him he's wrong about his version of reality. if your brother isnt familiar with manic episodes, you may have to explain to him that he's manic, but I would not try to strong-arm him saying this is something he HAS to do - it could make him resistant . I would try to show him I'm on his side, I think his concerns are valid, I think he's a good person and having some trouble and we're gonna figure it out together. I think it helps more to gain his trust so he will accept your help or suggestion. Even though he's your brother and is already supposed to trust you, he's in a different world now so you have to re-gain it. It's a bit like like approaching a scared animal.

    - If he does something hurtful, do not take it personally or retaliate. treat him as the good person you know him to be, so that he can remember that person. just firmly remind him that that's not ok/thats not what he meant to say or do, but dont get mad at him, that will push him away

    - turn on find-my-friend or a tracker on his phone, with his permission if he seems agreeable, or without if he might not notice. This helps a lot if he is unpredictable

    [–] How do you professionally accept and move on from apologizes in the work place? nvyetka 2 points ago in relationship_advice

    Hm similar thing happened to me today, I called out my manager for letting some things go wrong this week, creating redundant work for me and frustration. I felt justified because I wanted to prevent it from happening again in the future.

    I felt bad afterwards because I saw that I had hurt her, realized that even tho she was “in the wrong” I had felt so righteous that I treated her not like a person but like a malfunctioned cog which has inconvenienced my cog. I saw her only in how her actions affected me, in a zero-sum way.

    I reacted in anger, which is not my best self from which to respond to valid concerns. Anger makes me cold and unfeeling and spiteful. I could have probably just talked to her about the issue, without the negative emotions and blame, and resolved the issues as partners.

    I think I lacked baseline of respect (which is deserved by both superiors and people in lower positions, and whether or not I think they’ve “earned” it by doing what I think they should) , of acknowledging her fallibility as a human, and lacked humbleness to recognize my own.

    [–] What’s something the internet killed that you miss? nvyetka 3 points ago in AskReddit

    totally true re: ritual

    one workaround used even when we were kids tho, if we had the vhs for lion king for example and wanted to watch it every day after school, mom would have to pop it in the shared tv and we'd still watch it together , some form of ritual

    [–] Fuck You and Your Bubble Tea nvyetka 1 points ago in ChoosingBeggars

    Guy gives panhandler guy a quarter

    “A quarter , that’s it ? That’s one third of a dollar .. “

    [–] SO[35M]'s parents [65?M/F] doesn't like me[31F] because I'm not like his son. nvyetka 1 points ago * (lasted edited 23 days ago) in relationships

    I have come across this phenomenon in other cases, it seems not uncommon in deaf communities

    there seems to be a certain amount of ostracization of less-deaf people by deaf communities, for a complex of reasons. It may have to do with feeling outcasted or discriminated against by the hearing community, and then forming very tight closed communities with their private self-sufficient language and and shunning others for preferring the “hearing” world.

    Being disabled is relative to how you define being abled. I think for some type of deaf communities, to choose hearing is to define deafness as a disability- which is unacceptable to someone who defines deafness as a different equally “valid” way of being abled that is misunderstood and misdefined by the elitist hearing world.

    Somewhat akin to racism: in a world where for race/culture A is the norm, if you were a racial minority x, yet instead of embracing and validating X culture you embrace the normative A culture- this could be seen as a betrayal to the X community.

    This is my rough understanding, I’m sure you’d understand better than I could if you look into it.

    Perhaps his parents have some version of these thought patterns that they’ve learned as coping mechanisms . In any case , what you represent to them seems to challenge some sensitive beliefs that they feel the need to hold onto. It’s not about you or how your parents raised you, even tho yes it does affect you and your relationship.

    [–] oral sex feels like nothing altho my body thinks it's something nvyetka 1 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago) in TwoXChromosomes

    I do masterbate but idk if I’m doing it right, I enjoy it a bit but never for long and I don’t get any shakey body responses. So I don’t really know what it means when people recommend I practice more with myself, as it’s not gotten very far.

    Edit- what is this spasm/contraction/bodily response that doesn’t feel like much of anything ???

    Edit2-Have you had any success with solo experimentation or psychological or other methods ?

    [–] Demonizing Ilhan Omar: Why the entire political establishment wants to crush one woman nvyetka 3 points ago in politics

    you're talking about in an ideal world, yes, it is not ok to say inappropriate things about muslims or jews. agreed. i'm talking about in practice in the world, it's shown to be acceptable to say inappropriate things about muslims (nobody makes a fuss), but not about certain groups (this is the reaction)

    [–] Demonizing Ilhan Omar: Why the entire political establishment wants to crush one woman nvyetka 2 points ago in politics

    But it just shows that it's not about how "othering" or "bigoted" her comments were -- it's more about WHO is being targeted, ie. it's ok to offend some powerless people and NOT OK to offend powerful ones