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    [–] Update on previous post, STD check at the ER pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    This is awesome. I’m talking this through with my ex since my girls are 7 and 10. Going to definitely read it with them. Thank you so much for sharing this!

    [–] What’s the point of taking care of myself anymore pheliam 9 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Sorry to hear about your situation. You're not a shell of a person, but this recent emotional trauma will take some time to heal, like a broken bone.

    This is free:

    There's an online chat too. The word "suicide" in the name is harsh but the effects of depression are real. I lost my best friend from grade school to depression 7 years ago. Nobody WANTS to use these services but if it's free and it can help to talk to someone, why not try?

    [–] Do people ever actually make plans?! pheliam 3 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Sounds like the kind of time-wastey bullshit that young men without kids would flippantly toss around.

    If I'm interested, I'm asking you some real concretes about "do want to get dinner this week? what nights work best for you? I can do Monday through Wednesdays, but lemme know!" Shared custody is not conducive to weekend daters. Just sayin'.

    [–] Sudden Self-doubt. Does this also happen to you? pheliam 2 points ago in WeAreTheMusicMakers

    This really hits home, and all the responses are just what I need to get over my inner doubting bastard.

    [–] Men and Women of DOT: What do you love about yourselves? pheliam 2 points ago in datingoverthirty

    I like that I can play the keyboard well enough to hold someone's attention.

    I love that, at my most rambunctious and goofy, I am described as joyful and fun by my peers.

    I love that I have a hunger to learn and that my friends teach me things that I stupidly whiff on.

    Shallowly: toned, muscular legs and posterior after 15 months of gym time.

    [–] Dating to not feel lonely? pheliam 3 points ago in datingoverthirty

    THANK YOU. (happily divorced dad of 2)

    Shit happens, OP. Who are you to judge the entirety and end-result of a relationship you flippantly dismiss as a flag?

    Kids change the game by adding another dimension of love to your life. Sometimes having the love from my little girls reminds me of how profoundly lonely I feel, not having an adult partner to experience life with.

    In that regard, I really do understand the draw of dating to not feel lonely. Trying things outside the comfortable zone of the DOLDRUMS really helps boost self-confidence. TRY IT! :D

    [–] DESPERATE pheliam 6 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Well, what do you normally do when you're over-stressed or super anxious in that cycle?

    When I'm disgusted/burnt/stressed at my desk, I bring my work to a pausing-point and walk around the block for 15 minutes. Simple fresh air helps. I know that not everyone is in the same professional situation to do that within the constraints of office culture.

    Reaching out to a close friend, watching some Netflix comedy, or whatever you find to be liberating.

    A good friend of mine always suggests the trio of gym, masturbation and a shower which is better than nothing. Call it "temple upkeep", lol.

    [–] 2nd painting turned out waaaay better than the first. Still a long way to go, but I'm having fun learning. pheliam 2 points ago in HappyTrees

    Cool. I've been using acrylics and it's a different dynamic. Opaqueness and transparency of color with acrylics is a different beast than Bob Ross made it seem with the wet-on-wet technique.

    [–] DESPERATE pheliam 2 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Stay strong and set goals. I'm combating the same cocktail of lonely/horny, finding myself in a similarly desperate spot with standards wayyyy out of whack.

    Baby step goals will give you something to work up to before you allow yourself to get back out there. They can be as meaningful or as soulful as you want, but it's about proving your confidence to yourself!

    For example: "visit that local cool park/diner/bbq-joint within 2 weeks" or "finish that painting" or "go to that art museum" or even "find something cool to do for next weekend".

    I know it doesn't help that the apps will email you with something like "log back in and swipe or your account will be deactivated/hidden". You've got this!

    [–] 2nd painting turned out waaaay better than the first. Still a long way to go, but I'm having fun learning. pheliam 3 points ago in HappyTrees

    Love your sky background gradient. Oils or acrylics?

    I just did my first winter scene yesterday with a very limited palette and it turned out nice (and frigid). The thing I spent the most time on was the sky in the background.

    [–] Backcountry near Whistler, BC 4000x3000 [OC] pheliam 1 points ago in EarthPorn

    Great shot. Love the varied brightness and natural contrasting gradients!

    [–] Squatting advice please! At 40kg here. Can’t seem to get lower and unsure of form. Any advice very welcome! pheliam 12 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago) in weightlifting

    Bar weight aside, maybe try Toddler Squats to stretch your knee/hip joints and get slightly more depth.

    From your unrack/rack walking, it looks like your knees could be a little inward (but it's a weird walk)? Try Toddler Squats with your toes pointed out at around 30 degrees, with your knees and toes and thighs all pointing in the same direction.

    Obviously, you know your body, so adjust to fit your stance & build. When you find something that feels good (soreness OK, pain NOT OK), try it under the bar at the gym, with warmup sets first!

    [–] Recovery 100%...what is one thing you wish you knew when you first started training? pheliam 35 points ago in bodyweightfitness

    Thank you! I feel like a weak flabby bastard for taking a week off when my knees complain as I repeat this Sisyphean task of squatting my body weight.

    If you'll indulge me, what kinds of injuries happened and how much on the pain scale for you did you work through? What was the general routine you were following when this happened?

    [–] Dating anxiety pheliam 2 points ago in datingoverthirty

    As someone currently in a bout of loneliness, that one hit me in the feels. Quite honestly, that's where my own personal dating reason comes from when I think "lemme just check out Ok Cupid".

    I think if you want to really TRY to be friends first, then the OLD approach is not the best. It'll likely be easier if you talk to your friends or colleagues or just expand your social circle in general, just a bit?

    My reasoning is that OLD is such a mess of expectations, but generally speaking people are on there looking for something very purposeful. I'm a father of 2 girls and I think VERY often about how hard it must be for women to make friends with guys and NOT have it be perceived the wrong way.

    [–] Blog from Noise Engineering about mastering for modular. pheliam 2 points ago in modular

    Cool post. It's all about the preferences and what works in your workflow. Had to fight off the GAS with the mentions of all the modules at the outset. (fans self)

    [–] What was the best change you made this year and what are you going to change next year? pheliam 1 points ago in bodyweightfitness

    Fuck yeah, listening to the body! Such a crucial step.

    I'm not specifically doing BWF, but StrongLifts 5x5.

    This year I kept pushing through the setbacks! Pulled a muscle? Take the time to recover and VICIOUSLY plan the return to the gym. It's a physical withdrawal if I don't go.

    Now my knees are complaining so perhaps I should see a damned ortho already.

    [–] Saturday pheliam 2 points ago in modular

    Shoutout the trackball lookin like the eye of the storm.

    [–] Been following this sub for years. Finally got my first synth as an adult! pheliam 1 points ago in synthesizers

    Thanks, and welcome to the knob-wiggling fun-time crew.

    I read this tip on MuffWiggler months ago and figured I'd pay it forward. Dust creates scratchy knobs & faders! On a mixer with crackly GAIN knobs, it's... not fun.

    [–] Been following this sub for years. Finally got my first synth as an adult! pheliam 6 points ago in synthesizers

    PROTIP: Buy a paintbrush just for dusting your synth(s). Works wonders on pedals, mixers, and modular, too!

    [–] I just bought my first synthesizer pheliam 11 points ago in synthesizers

    Congrats! Be patient and learn it deeply- it WILL inspire you. I have the bigger brother Minilogue but the micro-tunings and more granular multi-track motion edits of the Monologue seem cool as shit.

    The world of synths and music gear is a deep money pit. It's intoxicating to keep buying, but it's less sexy to stick with it, really know the ins and outs of the device and how to add it into your workflow.

    Ok that's a long 2 cents. Have fun!

    [–] Dating site pic vs. real life pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    LOL and I thought it would be Filter - Take my Picture for some reason.