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    pheliam

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    [–] Weekend Thread! - September 21, 2018 pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Good thing: went on my first coffee date on Wednesday since starting OLD post-divorce. It went fairly ok, but I think she expected me to be a bit more... brazen? I wanted to talk but it was an open mic and our subjects kept getting derailed.

    Bad thing: no contact apart from an "I had a good time" minced pleasantry since the date, so yeah. Here's to living with myself and learning that I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

    [–] Weekend Thread! - September 21, 2018 pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Yay friends night and resisting OLD. Booooo seeing couples everywhere while single. I am running into that shit everywhere I go now, and it's hard not to notice. STAY STRONG!

    [–] How to come off more approachable/warm? pheliam 3 points ago in datingoverthirty

    I'm just starting to get dates and I wouldn't blame a woman one bit if she did that on a first date, considering that there's an iceberg of gross dudes they have to deal with all the time. Close hugs are intimate!

    My advice (as a late late bloomer) is to make people feel heard. Body language took me a while to figure out, but it's only because I was OVERTHINKING it. Some hand gestures during conversation, head nods, etc. Do you do any of this kind of stuff with friends you're comfortable with (as opposed to dates)?

    [–] You guys, I might have cried a little after finishing my run today...halfway there! This sub is daily motivation that I can do this. pheliam 4 points ago in C25K

    GET IT GURRRL, YOU ROCK. Keep it going, and listen to your body!

    (I hope you don't run into this same problem but just in case you are...)

    For me, whenever I ran with music on I ended up running too fast and getting winded. Figure out the pace that works for you (and it can change from run to run, depending on sleep, motivation, etc.).

    If you get winded while running (especially in those longer runs), slow it down to a pace where your breathing catches up with your legs.

    [–] First Hardware synth. pheliam 3 points ago in synthesizers

    Focus on getting a workflow going with everything you have now. I have a few thousand invested in modular and the recording workflow is the name of the game.

    [–] What are some things people say that make you unmatch them? pheliam 2 points ago in datingoverthirty

    I'd think it's fine if it's mentioned in passing, but if you belabor the point you're distracting from the whole GETTING TO KNOW YOU point of the first date.

    [–] What are some things people say that make you unmatch them? pheliam 19 points ago in datingoverthirty

    YUUUUP. 4 paragraphs of "I'm really fed up with this ocean of assholes washing ashore in my feeds let me rant about it!"

    That's a glass that's half empty. Halfer than half?

    [–] Which aspects of dating culture do you think needs to permanently retire and why? pheliam 1 points ago in AskWomen

    I think about this when I'm writing messages to women on OKC. It sounds ridiculously exhausting, but the mechanic favors women's physical safety, no?

    Often I think, "this is just another message on a pile of messages for this woman- it probably won't even stand out." Sometimes my brain wanders in the "people confuse drama for love" direction, but there's nothing good down that paranoid mental pathway.

    [–] Terrible date last night pheliam 2 points ago in datingoverthirty

    LMAO. Literally “Easy cum, easy go.”

    [–] This is what collapse looks like tome. Stupid and callous people are ruling and make decisions pheliam 7 points ago in collapse

    As far as business goes, it's not even sound business. It's fucking stupid business. There's a cost to humanity to keep chasing short-term fossil capital, versus literally any future human sustainability. The ultimate "fuck all y'all, I'm getting mine."

    I really enjoy that there are people like Chamath (former Facebook exec) out there who recognize this, and who are investing in ideas that target the chasing of the long game. The short game is going to die off and bequeath all of the privatized gains to the narcissistic freeloaders of the business world. There is no doubt in my mind that they will squander it and end their megalomaniacal boomer family's legacy within 1 or 2 generations.

    Then again, this could all be the just world fallacy. And I hate it.

    [–] Most emotional build ups in Post Rock? pheliam 1 points ago in postrock

    For me, it's the turning point in Sigur Ros - Festival, and of COURSE that moment in The Album Leaf's The Outer Banks.

    [–] I [f, 24] am interested in guy in his late 30s. What are some signs, besides age gap, that a guy is interested in just sex vs something more? pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Sadly, that part is very well known to me. Hence the divorce. In the case of the OP, there's a lot of good advice in this thread. HeraBeara's point about "too many variables" is some tough truth.

    [–] Weekend Thread! - September 07, 2018 pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    I have thought about it. It might be fun if the opportunity presented itself.

    I’m actually proud that I can sense when I’m feeling like I could love bomb, because now I know that I have to hit the brakes. If nothing else it’s a small sign of progress towards emotional availability, right?

    [–] Weekend Thread! - September 07, 2018 pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Ended my full-time tenure at previous job on Friday. Left a "let's catch up sometime" note on someone's desk with my number, and got a very cute colleague's number. It'd be fun to go to a friend's wedding with either of these women, and I plan to ask.

    It's a strange ball of emotions I'm feeling. Lots of loneliness and horniness with wistfulness and guilt mixed in. I have love-bombed in the past and it usually happens following how I'm feeling right now.

    With that said, I just set out a plan for 3 months to focus on my new job, new gym, and other goings-on before getting back into dating. I know I'm not owed anything but my cravings for physical intimacy and make-out sessions have been getting really out of hand lately, esp. since I've been without any of that for 2.5 years.

    Better to take my mind off of all this hubbub, explore the new job region and have a dope Fall, methinks.

    [–] How I Finally Escaped Skinnyfat in 10 Months pheliam 3 points ago in Fitness

    Good on you. I've been starting to trim my own body hair now that I have some definition myself. Honestly I look like your second pic from the left at the moment.

    I have my own goals of hitting a 300lb set of squats doing the 5x5. That, plus dropping from 190ish lbs down to 170. Your post is a good kick in the ass. Thanks man.

    [–] How I Finally Escaped Skinnyfat in 10 Months pheliam 16 points ago in Fitness

    Not the comment OP, but I'm interested in your Squat, Deadlift, OHP, and Bench. What free weights stuff did you do?

    [–] I just ended things at the talking stage with someone because he is pro-choice and I feel absolutely horrible for it. pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    This plus a million upvotes. Judging is also not my norm, but at the end of the day you have to respect your own needs/wants/dealbreakers especially if you're looking for a partner.

    [–] Off Your Chest Wednesday - August 29, 2018 pheliam 1 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Got a kickass job offer last week, put in my 2 weeks on Monday! There's this really cute woman who seems to be interested: lots of smiling at me, thanks me by name a lot more than is usually expected.

    Already invited her to the going-away drinks night, but I'm going to ask her to something casual like coffee on Friday to see if there's anything there. Work gets in the way of every conversation, and I'm trying to gauge just who she is.

    If I don't ask her out, I fear that this feeling will morph into a dumb pedestal feeling, which is immature and blah. (deep breaths)

    [–] How often do you find yourself on a date and the woman or man looks nothing like their picture? What do you do? pheliam 2 points ago in datingoverthirty

    Great point here. My ex-wife told me early on that she tested a previous lover by making up a fake social media account and hit on him. He was not loyal to her.

    'Twas a sign of things for our relationship as well, but it's over for 3 years and we're amicable now.

    [–] Can a person who is somewhat a loner really ever be in a successful relationship? pheliam 5 points ago in datingoverthirty

    You should check out this book called "Attached" re: attachment theory. The lone wolf mentality is characteristic of avoidant types, and there are some really solid strategies for navigating the major pitfalls.

    I found this book to be well worth my time. (Audible has it and you can do a free trial too. It might even be in your local e-library!)

    [–] 9th painting, “Frozen Solitude” pheliam 3 points ago in HappyTrees

    This is lovely. I got lost in it for a solid minute and it was solace.