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    tengo_sueno

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    [–] Happy Anal Sex Day! tengo_sueno 6 points ago in sexover30

    Wait, what did he do?

    [–] Took the best boy for a camping trip in Sedona tengo_sueno 1 points ago in CampingandHiking

    Any recommendation on good spots to camp out in the Sedona area?

    [–] Help looking for an easy overnight hike in ONP tengo_sueno 1 points ago in CampingandHiking

    It's 3.1 miles one way from Ozette to camp on the coast at Cape Alava - a beautiful unique hike through the forest and meadows, mostly on a raised wooden boardwalk.

    [–] Got very lucky and snagged the last walk-in spot at Kirk Creek, Big Sur CA tengo_sueno 1 points ago in CampingandHiking

    Awesome! I camped up on the trail at Vicente Flat this week and man, this is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.

    [–] What is this one sexual fact everyone would benefit knowing? tengo_sueno 3 points ago in AskReddit

    No problem. Women reaching orgasm from PIV alone is definitely the exception, not the rule.

    [–] My wife of 2.5 years just told me she cheated on me with someone she knew for 2 days... tengo_sueno 3 points ago in survivinginfidelity

    OP just a heads up about STI testing - definitely go ASAP in case she's been cheating before this but also talk to your doctor about the best time for retesting. HIV can take a month to show up depending on the test and viral levels, HSV (herpes) antibodies can take 3+ months. So make sure you leave your doc's office with a plan/schedule for retesting as well.

    So sorry you're going through this.

    [–] My wife of 2.5 years just told me she cheated on me with someone she knew for 2 days... tengo_sueno 13 points ago in survivinginfidelity

    Especially because STI's acquired during pregnancy can seriously harm the fetus. Hard to comprehend just how irresponsible that decision was.

    [–] She cheated and it was apparently somehow my fault tengo_sueno 29 points ago in survivinginfidelity

    Yeah it's ridiculous to try to dress up cheating as ethical non-monogamy. Ethical non-monogamy is ethical because it's a collaborative decision arrived at and consented to by both parties, which is inherently not the case in a situation undertaken unilaterally.

    [–] In 3 hours, my whole world fell apart. tengo_sueno 1 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago) in survivinginfidelity

    I have been cheated on twice.

    The first time, it was a boyfriend who felt immediately guilty on his own, brought it to my attention shortly after it happened, answered all of my questions without trickle truthing, and adjusted his behaviors thereafter as necessary to comfort my understandable insecurities. He offered the idea that I would be justified in leaving him if I chose to do so and he supported my decision either way. I decided to stay with him after all this and we went on to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship for 2.5 years that ended for reasons unrelated to his infidelity.

    The second time, it was my husband's infidelity that I discovered on my own. When questioned about possible infidelity, he denied it. When asked about the first small morsel of what I had learned, he denied that anything further happened (it did), provided justifications for his unacceptable behavior, and tried to focus on how I made him feel like doing this in the first place. When I continued to reveal what I had already discovered in a piecemeal fashion, he engaged in the same ego-protecting denial-justification-blame shifting behavior at every step. I practically had to beg him to admit that he did something super fucked up and that he was sorry. I decided to move out and pursue divorce.

    I hope that you can see the world of difference between these two responses to engaging in unacceptable behavior that hurt their partner. It sounds like your husband falls toward the protect-himself-at-all-costs end of the spectrum given that he already flirted in the past, knew how you felt about it, decided to pursue inappropriate behavior anyway, "trickle truthed" you when you announced your discovery, immediately demanded your forgiveness, and indulged your comforting him over the other way around. I'm not in your exact situation, but having experienced both sides of this coin personally, I know what kind of response behaviors demonstrate vulnerability and instill confidence that this person is invested in true healing and recovery. It doesn't sound from what you're describing like he's capable of that right now. I'm not saying you need to immediately pursue divorce - in fact, you don't need to do anything right now. If he is truly invested in your marriage and your well-being, he will rise to the occasion without you needing to tell him what to do and get himself into individual therapy, end his affair concretely, provide you with proof of having done so, offer you complete transparency going forward with regard to his phone/email/etc, accommodate your insecurities around this, suggest couples counseling to repair the damage he's caused, perhaps ask to be reassigned at work so that he's not around this woman every day, and so on and so forth. If he is sitting around awaiting instructions from you on how to make this better, resisting any of your requests for transparency, half-answering your questions about the cheating, justifying his behavior, demanding that you not tell anyone in order to get support, etc., you are not dealing with someone who has your best interests at heart.

    I'm no expert, I'm only 2 weeks out from my own D-day, but I can honestly say that I already feel relief in not having to wonder if I'm receiving honesty, not feeling like I have to beg for action to assist in healing my wounds, and in drawing firm boundaries / creating distance from someone who could not prioritize respecting me. It's just not worth it.

    [–] In 3 hours, my whole world fell apart. tengo_sueno 3 points ago in survivinginfidelity

    Also, reaching out to others helps you to have the strength to clarify and enforce your boundaries with him. It's a lot harder to fall into a codependent pattern and forgive him when his behavior is clearly unacceptable for you once you have announced it to your loved ones.

    [–] Husband sending sexually charged texts to my sister TW:Pregnancy/Infant Loss tengo_sueno 10 points ago in survivinginfidelity

    You already know the truth even if they won't admit it. No need to agonize about what exactly happened between the two of them - it was completely unacceptable no matter what.

    [–] Surgeon Hospitalized for 6 Weeks After Working 180-Hour Shifts, Gets Called an 'Emotional Female' tengo_sueno 1 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    And the duty hour rules only limit residents to working no more than 80 hours/week averaged over a month. So you can still have 100+ hour weeks. And if you're a resident in a surgical specialty, you are often encouraged/required to underreport your hours so that your program doesn't get in trouble and so they don't mistreat you.

    [–] Rant: I'm your doctor, please stop. tengo_sueno 12 points ago in TwoXChromosomes

    I'm a female med student as well and this is one of the benefits of going into OB/gyn that I hadn't previously considered but am now very appreciative of.