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    tylerjfrancke

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    [–] Rank the best rosters BESIDES their top two players. tylerjfrancke 1 points ago in lakers

    LeBron/AD is hard to bear as your third and fourth best players.

    [–] Build the god damn statue already. tylerjfrancke 1 points ago in lakers

    LOL. I didn't mean they would be called the Splash Bros. Just that they would be that level of an unstoppable, league-altering phenomenon.

    [–] Build the god damn statue already. tylerjfrancke 27 points ago in lakers

    Bron/AD pick and rolls are going to be the most unstoppable play in the league this season. It will be legendary. The Splash Bros. of 2020.

    [–] Build the god damn statue already. tylerjfrancke 29 points ago in lakers

    Except AD would have kicked Bane's ass the first time.

    [–] Nike losing money on James and AD switching numbers. Are they losing money with players switching teams tylerjfrancke -1 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago) in lakers

    I'm sure they do, but they don't have any power over player movement. They do, apparently (I didn't actually know this until this situation), have power over whether players can change their numbers.

    This is like saying, "Why is it illegal to burn the courthouse down? Doesn't the government also lose money if it's destroyed by a natural disaster?"

    [–] [1132] The Call (Horror Flash Fiction) tylerjfrancke 2 points ago in DestructiveReaders

    Thank you so much for your thoughts and especially for all the comments on the Google doc. I agree with most of your critique, and it's very helpful. I'm glad you seemed to like most of the more flowery phrasing and the little places I tried to inject some light humor. I wasn't sure how that would mesh.

    The motive was definitely a big problem. I've done some significant work on it the past couple days and am about to repost. If you are looking for another critique at some point, I would love if you would consider checking it out. Otherwise, thank you so much for all the time and effort you put into this one!

    [–] [1068] For When the City Falls tylerjfrancke 2 points ago in DestructiveReaders

    Hello! This is extremely strong for a first submission! Great job! Very impressive. I have a few thoughts that I hope will be helpful in improving either this or your future work, and I'll also try to address your concerns.

    Setting

    The setting has some problems for me. I understand that's not the focus, and that's totally fine (new writers often tend to over-describe the setting, so you do a good job of avoiding that), but it's hard to visualize the scene when I'm so fuzzy about where these three girls actually are.

    The only clue we have is that they are, evidently, surrounded by tall buildings. I've never lived in a big city, but have certainly visited them, and your description of the weird, suffocating sense that the skyscrapers might collapse in on you resonates with me.

    However, I would imagine, it's also not a very good place to watch fireworks. How could they even see them, if they're surrounded by skyscrapers? And if they're in a par or some more open area, or on a roof, the narrative's description of the claustrophobia of the buildings pressing in around them doesn't make as much sense.

    Characterization

    I think the characterization for your narrative is actually quite good. The truth is that, in my opinion, it is actually much easier to characterize your narrator or POV character since you're in their own head. You can actually tell readers what they're thinking and feeling, rather than them having to guess based on what they say and do.

    This is also a challenge, of course, because it forces you to be more realistic with the motivations and thoughts you give your character, since the reader can see them. You mostly do a good job with this. The principle of "show, not tell," still holds true, i.e., "I am angry at Gabby" is much weaker than "I told Gabby to fuck off."

    The narrator's thoughts are pretty all-over-the-place, but I think that's accurate to the age and what's going on with her. What strikes me as odd is how often she thinks of how "she's going to be" in the future. I'm obviously a very different person from your narrator, but when I was 16, I certainly did not think very often about how, in a few years, I would reflect back and realize how silly or naive I was. She thinks about this a lot, as far as how as how her thinking and appearance will change when she's older, as well as those of Anna and the other girls. Why? My guess was that maybe the narrator is older now, and just describing a scene of when she was younger. But it was confusing to me.

    One line that stood out to me was the description of Anna's eyes being like shards of glass. I didn't understand what you were getting at there, especially when you more often describe her in soft, gentle terms, and shards of glass is a rather opposite metaphor.

    Clarity

    You have some really exceptionally well-written lines and some deep thoughts expressed really beautifully. The story doesn't come across to me as rambling or jumbled. However, I do think that the revelations the narrator has at the end of the story are rather profound and come rather abruptly. They didn't quite feel earned to me as a reader.

    Her understanding of herself never saying the things she should or wants to is arrived at quickly and then you move on. I think that could be much more fully developed. Also, she realizes the impermanence of life based on Anna wiping lipstick off her teeth? That came across as a little half-baked to me as well, even though you wrote about it rather beautifully.

    Anyway, hope these thoughts are helpful to you in some way. Thanks for sharing! Great job! Keep writing!

    [–] [OC] How My 3-Year-Old Says the Name of Every 2019 NBA All-Star tylerjfrancke 1 points ago in nba

    Yeah, I accidentally used the East/West rosters instead of Bron/Giannis.

    [–] Which team are you most afraid of? tylerjfrancke 2 points ago in lakers

    I thought a player had to be in the last year of their contract to be eligible for a buyout? He's in the second year of a four year deal.

    [–] David Griffin lays out why Celtics backed off in Anthony Davis trade talks tylerjfrancke 16 points ago in lakers

    Not only would we have lost Kuz and more picks, but we but we would have had a lot less cap room to work with in free agency.

    [–] The best duos in the league right now. tylerjfrancke 115 points ago in lakers

    Weird. I see one iconic duo in the top left corner along with a bunch of scrubs.

    [–] Β―\_(ツ)_/Β― tylerjfrancke 60 points ago in funny

    "But why does it shrink?"

    "It just does."

    [–] [OC] How My 3-Year-Old Says the Name of Every 2019 NBA All-Star tylerjfrancke 2 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago) in nba

    Wow I can totally hear it in his voice.

    [–] [OC] How My 3-Year-Old Says the Name of Every 2019 NBA All-Star tylerjfrancke 2 points ago in nba

    "Woolworth?"

    "Yes, sah?"

    "Yam that shit, from the free throw line."

    "As you wish, sah."